Good morning. I want to welcome all of you this morning. Today, we're having a one-day sitting, which opens our six-week spring practice period. So today I want to talk about practice period, about the spirit of our practice period, what we expect and how to regulate our life as a practice and to balance our life so that we're not overworked and not under worked. I had a number of things to say but when I past the bulletin board, I picked up my talk about practice period, so I want to read it to you.

[01:03]

Some of the main points. Well, I'll just read it. The practice period at BCC this spring begins with the opening ceremony on the afternoon of Saturday. That's today, May 15th, and ends afternoon of Sunday, June 27th. When we have practice period, of course, we have a head student who shares my seat and my responsibility, and who sets an example for practice for all of us, and especially for me, who needs it. Seishi Yuho Alexandra Frepier will be our shuso, our head student.

[02:10]

And I can't say enough about her wonderful practice. And she'll tell you all about it when she gives her talk. I don't want to say too much about her. So her Dharma name means clear resolve, courageous life. I think that describes her perfectly. So in order to practice, please fill out the registration form. There are requirements for the practice period, but I'm not going to talk too much about that. During the six weeks of practice period, we have the opportunity to renew and concentrate our effort and re-establish our practice in beginner's mind.

[03:17]

So practice period is like gathering up, coming together, and re-establishing our practice. During the year, you know, things tend to come apart and we lose some things. And then once a year we gather, or twice a year actually, we gather up our practice and renew our effort. So we have, in the spring we had a six-week practice period And in the fall we have aspect to practice, which is a little different, but there are actually two kinds of practice period. So twice a year we have an opportunity to bring our practice together. So the practice period has some minimum requirements, but within these requirements each person can create his or her own schedule.

[04:20]

This is the nature of lay practice. Some will be able to do only the minimum, while others who have the opportunity will be able to extend or stretch themselves much more. So all of our lives are very busy. Each one of us has a very busy life, some more than others. And I'm always amazed at the ability of our members to actually make the time to practice, to do other things. So that is an amazing thing. Elsewhere in the world, it's very rare for that to happen, for lay practitioners who work and have families or school or whatever, to actually make the time to practice in this way. I don't think I'll ever be complacent about that fact.

[05:26]

So given the facts of our life, the activities and responsibilities of our life, we each have to design the practice for ourself. So what I usually ask people to do, or I suggest as a way of practice, is to determine how often you can practice with the Sangha at the Zen Dojo. And that's something that we each have to discern for ourselves. So when the practice period comes, when we get encouraged, we may have a tendency to overextend ourselves. And say, well, I'll do a lot. but then we realize we can't do that. So, that can be discouraging. So, we may want to do more, but we should be able to be realistic.

[06:37]

And this is actually a form of practice, how to be realistic about your participation, so that it actually works for you, given all the other aspects of your life. And on the other hand, we should be careful not to do enough, given that we have the opportunity. So, practice period is like touching the edge, pushing the edge, knowing just how much you can do without discouraging yourself, but keeping an edge on the practice. It's touching you, but not too much. And maybe too much is okay, too. Sometimes we can do more than we think, but we should be very careful. And this balance, balancing all the factors of our life, is our practice during this time.

[07:46]

This is called continuous practice. So practice is a way of life. It's not just something we do that's extra. Zazen, if we are a serious practitioner, Zazen is the central point of our life, regardless of anything else that enters our life, that we take up. So, Zazen is, you know, we say true dharma. True means empty. Dharma means phenomenal activity. True. True and active. True means letting go. Active dharma means taking up.

[08:52]

So letting go and taking up are the two aspects. When we sit Zazen, we let go. And when we step out from Zazen into our life, that's taking up. But letting go and taking up should be one thing, even though it's two things. Taking up includes letting go, and letting go includes taking up. In this way, our life is based on emptiness, and emptiness informs our life. So, when you include your zendo schedule in your calendar, It incorporates Zazen into the rhythm of your life as an intention rather than as a random or arbitrary activity.

[09:55]

So, to put Zazen on your calendar, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or whatever it is, maybe just Monday, or maybe it's every day, whatever you decide is the critical point. You're practicing with intention. The most important thing is intention. Practice is intention. I will do this. And then when that day comes, oh yeah, that's what you do. Sometimes we can't, you know. But you make your effort to keep your intention. That's practice. It really is the basis of practice, keeping your intention so that there's a rhythm to what you're doing and it's intentional. It's called living an intentional life rather than a life of random phenomena.

[11:00]

If we depend on our feelings, feelings are fleeting and ephemeral unreliable. The only reliable thing is intention. I feel good today, so I'm going to practice. Or I feel terrible today, so I think I'll go practice. That's okay, but it's not the core. So when you put Zazen into the rhythm of your life as an intention rather than as a random or arbitrary activity. When we design our schedule for a limited time period, taking into consideration all the other factors and responsibilities in our life, we have a foundation of practice. It is also necessary to honor our commitments and be realistic about how we create our schedule.

[12:12]

So I like to think of the spirit of as the wish to do it all. I just want to sit every day, every period, do the class, tease, blah, blah, blah. But you can't. But your intention is, I would like to do it all. And then narrowing it down to what is practical and possible. If you have the feeling, the intention, I would like to do it all, much to reduce it to what's possible, rather than simply picking or choosing pieces of it based on preference or convenience. This helps to create an edge, something to push against, but not enough to be inhibited. When we all have this attitude, it creates a strong Sangha feeling of mutual support and encouragement. It's also important to manifest the spirit of Zazen in our home life and work life,

[13:15]

as continuous, well-rounded practice, not just something we do on the cushion. This can also provide a good atmosphere for those who are sitting and are not in a position to practice as fully. In other words, you don't have to join the practice period in order to practice here during practice period. What makes the difference on the requirements and commitments? Except for that, participants and non-participants are all practicing together, are all inclusive, all embracing practice. So a spring practice period can set a tone for the whole year, until the next practice period. key word.

[14:26]

We also have a class during practice period, which is this time we're studying Master Dogen Zenji's Genjo Koan, the Koan of Everyday Life. And I would encourage everyone to take advantage of studying Dogen's teachings. If you're practicing At the Zen Dojo, we're actually practicing the spirit of Dogen's teaching. So, if you haven't been introduced to Dogen's teaching, or don't know, or it's confusing to you, or you feel intimidated, you should take the class, because it will help you understand opportunity to do that. So I'm going to talk about failure and success a little bit.

[16:18]

We all want to be successful and we don't want to be failing. But in our practice, it's hard to tell what is success and what is failure. In our life, we are successful in many things. but also failing in many things. In Zazen, I hear this a lot, you know, I remember when David Chadwick wrote his book, Thank You and Okay, I don't know if you've read that, but his experience On the back he had his t-shirt, you know, that had his picture. And on the back of the t-shirt, I had one that said, Zen Failure.

[17:24]

So I wore that the other day when I was joining the team. It was great. It felt so good. We have to realize they were all Zen failures. And when we sent those in, We try to judge, was this good Zazen or bad Zazen? Mostly bad Zazen. I just keep failing because I can't count up to past ten. I can't get up to ten because my mind is always really full of stuff. I never have a quiet moment in Zazen. Blah, blah, blah. So we start judging our zazen on the basis of mind delusions, mental delusions. I have so many mental delusions. The purpose of the mind is to continue to churn out mental delusions.

[18:33]

They're called dreams. They're called various things. They're called smart have cringe whenever I hear politicians described as smart or captains of industry described as smart, all the smart people, how dumb they are. But anyway. We don't worry about success and failure in that way. It's nothing, it's just nothing. Failing is good, success is good. Failing is bad, success is bad. Good and bad are not a problem. When we get off, we just get back on. We get off, so we're always getting off, and we're always getting back on.

[19:38]

You fall off, and we get back on. So when you fall off, just get back on. In Zazen, we make our intention to sit up straight, keep our posture, follow our breathing, and let the mind delusions fly by. It's just a movie. Continually, the movie continually playing out on the screen of emptiness. And we get bothered by the movie. And we don't realize that the movie is going on on the screen of emptiness. So, we get bothered by that. As long as you can just let it go by. But because we start judging, judgment is discrimination.

[20:43]

And as soon as we start discriminating, we lose it. So we have to let everything come as it comes. Failure is just failure. Success is just success. Getting off is just getting off. And then getting on is just getting on. But we judge it as good and bad, right and wrong. It's hard not to. But until we stop doing that, until we let go of that, we just get caught by good and bad, right and wrong, success and failure. But still, we make the effort. It doesn't mean not making an effort. The effort is to catch ourself discriminating. We want to sit up straight. That's a big effort. But the other side of that effort is not get caught by a discriminating mind.

[21:47]

Keep always judging. So the hardest place to be is just here as it is. That's really hard. You know, we grapple with things. But nevertheless, there's a time when we just let go. Forgiveness is really important. Without having to, you know, grapple with forgiveness, you're just forgiveness all the time. Letting go all the time. This is the practice of letting go all the time, moment by moment. It's not like, sometime I'll let go. Moment by moment. Letting go and coming up new. In order to come up new, somebody has to die. We don't like dying, we like life.

[22:52]

But actually, we have to allow for dying. Because life doesn't come up without dying. So what dies? Dying means letting go. Exhaling means letting go. Inhaling means coming back. It's the rhythm of our life. Letting go. If we don't exhale, we can't inhale. Something comes up. There it is. Accept it. And then let it go. Something comes up. There it is. Let it go. Whatever we pick up has us. When I pick this up, I think I'm picking up this piece of paper, but the piece of paper has also got me. It's taking my attention and my body.

[23:56]

It's got me. But I'm in control, so I can put it down and take it up at will. And even though it's got the stuff I wrote on it, my mind delusions, I can still bring them up without having to look at it. But it helps. It helps me. Anyway, our whole life is like this. Not just Zazen. Zazen is the archetype, the microcosm of how we live. When we become attached to feelings, they create suffering. Don't let go of our feelings. Taking them up and letting go. We have to know when to let go. So this is our continuous practice. Continuous practice of being free.

[25:00]

Freeing ourself. From what? From ourself, of course. freeing ourself from ourself. Because as Bodhidharma said to Master Eka, who binds you? Master Eka came to Bodhidharma and said, I'm looking for my mind. Please show me my mind. Bodhidharma says, well, now Bodhisattva says, show me this mind you're talking about. He says, well, I can't quite locate it. There, if you can't locate it, you have some freedom. We know who we are, but we also don't know who we are. If you know who you are, you probably don't know who you are. But you have to feel okay about not knowing. Because not knowing gives you the opportunity to know.

[26:04]

So, not knowing is our practice. It doesn't mean that you're dumb or, you know, not have information. Actually, information can be an impediment because we rely so much on information. But just don't know is the default. I talked about default somewhere. I think it was my class. Default means the place you come to where there's no other place. It's a kind of court term. It means not showing up for your court appointment. But coming back to not knowing allows you to know. It's very interesting.

[27:06]

So I think not knowing means, in this case, not assuming. To have an unassuming mind means, OK, well, let's see what's really happening instead of, I know what's happening. Let's really see what's happening. Giving ourselves an opportunity to see things It's not, they're not just habitually determined in our mind. I remember Master Tseng Tsang used to always say, just don't know, go straight, just don't Emptying out.

[28:13]

Continually emptying out. And then allowing something to come up. So we talk about empty mind. But empty mind actually means allowing big mind to manifest. So it's called trust. Sometimes it's called faith. The basis of practice is faith or trust. Trust in mind. This is the Third Ancestor's poem. Trust in big mind. Letting go, I don't know, and let big mind manifest in all of our activity. So during our practice period, let's let big mind manifest. moment by moment.

[29:17]

So Zazen itself is waking up moment by moment. We sit Zazen and we start dreaming. And then, oh, we wake up. Oh yeah. And then we start dreaming. Oh yeah. We wake up. And then we start dreaming. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So, coming back, waking up moment by moment by moment. I keep dreaming. I keep it. That's life. Life is falling off and getting back. Falling off and getting back. No problem. The only problem is we don't like it. That's the problem. Like and dislike. The two sides. You like something too much, and then when it's gone, you're discouraged. You don't like something, and then when it's When we cling to that, we become discouraged.

[30:25]

So when we're empty, we allow things to come and go, to let things come and go. It's like the way to have a healthy mind and a healthy body is to let everything come and let everything go. What comes in, does its work, and goes. Comes in, and goes. That's the way to keep our body healthy. Good elimination. Good food, and good elimination. We talk a lot about the food, you know, because that's what we like, but the elimination part is really important. Don't retain anything, because what you retain will make you sick. So it's just dynamics, constantly flowing. And the mind is the same way.

[31:26]

We clog up our mind with stuff that just stays there and ferments. So we have a free mind and a free body. Some things need to be there to work, but still. And this was Suzuki Roshi's teaching. I could see it. He demonstrated this all the time. It's a very wonderful teaching. It's hard to do because of our judgment, our desires, you know, wanting to be full of stuff, wanting to be satisfied in ways that don't satisfy. So, And in meal suture we say to be free of self-clinging.

[32:30]

That's what that means. To be free of self-clinging. And this is what we also mean by composure. Composure is to be always centered. It's also our kind of default position. We always come back to being centered. When we breathe in our chest, instead of our para, we become unbalanced. And our breath becomes short, and we're never really filling ourself with oxygen so that we can breathe in what we consider our belly. all the time. Sometimes I'll ask a Zen student, where is your breath right now? I don't know. You should know where it is all the time.

[33:33]

You should be able to say, right here. No matter what's going on, no matter what's going on in your life, no matter how difficult your life is, or how joyous your breath is, you should always know where your breath is. Here, this is called composure. The But this is fundamental mind, and this is thinking mind. Two aspects of mind. This is primal mind, and this is thinking mind. So we should be centered in primal mind, so that thinking mind will be working well. The thinking mind is only working in as... without being based in something deeper, then it goes off in all directions, and we become crazy.

[34:34]

So in order to keep our mind from going crazy, we should be based in fundamental mind, so that it's always informed by truth. Because this mind doesn't think, it just is. When our breath is in our chest, then it's usually because of anxiety or fear or confusion. So when you find you're breathing here, get your breath down to the fundamental. That's practice. So you're always continually practicing in these ways. Just speak up so everybody can hear you.

[35:41]

You talked about a distinction between living by intention and being carried by a random feeling. I don't know the difference. What's the difference? Well, feelings come and go. We can fool ourselves with our feelings. For instance, the alarm clock goes off in the morning, and you set the alarm because of your intention, but then you wake up and you think, oh, I'm too tired to go to the Zen Dojo today. So you talk yourself into something based on your feelings. That's the difference. So when your intention is stronger than your feelings, You get up, even though you don't feel like it.

[36:42]

It overrides your feelings. Intention overrides your feelings, in that sense. But sometimes there's a price to pay for that. Yes, but, you know, there are always variations. Sometimes it's better to stay in bed, but most of the time it's not. And the reason it's not sustained, sometimes it's not, you know, to go ahead and follow the intention. Now that could be for two reasons I'm curious. One of them it could be because it's pretty good to come here and sit. And the other reason could be because if you follow your intention it just strengthens your resolve. Yeah, resolve. Which one is... Resolve is the most important thing. Even if it hurts. Even if you're sleepy all day, it's good to follow your intention.

[37:53]

Because your intention, following your intention, makes your practice strong. Well, you know, it's like climbing a mountain. You just keep going. Even though you think, ah, it'd be great to sit down. But you know that you have to just keep walking, because you keep sitting down every five minutes. But then, last fall, I was practicing very consistently for about two months, and by the end of that I was like, I should not be driving my truck right now. I need to be in bed. And... Well, you have to regulate the rest of your life. That's what happens. You say, well, this is the thing, you know, and if I keep doing this I'll just, you know, die. But you have to regulate the rest of your life to be harmonious with that That's what happens. You can't burn the candle on both ends.

[38:54]

Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes it is. I've been not wanting to get up for the last 45 years. Every day. I just don't want to drop off the road because of my intention to practice. What was that? I don't want to drop off the road because of my firm resolve to practice. That's right. So when you find yourself getting sleepy, just stop and rest for five minutes. Sometimes I do that, you know. If I'm taking, like I have done it, like when I'm driving in Tassajara, you know, and I get up early and then I'm driving I'm refreshed. Little catnaps is what does it. It's true. You can really, yes, you should do that. So you find a way. If your intention is strong, then you find a way to deal with it.

[39:57]

If your intention is not strong, you don't ever find a way to deal with it. So it's the same with Zazen. You say, oh, I can't do this anymore. You know, I can't. It's too much. And so, you know, you find a way to escape. But that doesn't help. But if you stay there, you will find a way to continue. So, that's really important. If you stay the course, you find a way in. I'm thinking of a period in my life last fall when there were a few days when I couldn't find time to sit for even five minutes. Just the other commitments in my life needed so much attention at that point.

[40:58]

And there were a couple of days which were very nice where I realized that I needed to do these other things. They had to take all my attention for all of my time. And I made a sincere commitment to practice throughout the day and had a more continuous practice than I do sometimes when I don't make that bond. You should not feel, you shouldn't judge that as, oh, that's really bad because I couldn't, blah, blah, blah. No, that's your practice right there. Knowing that you can't do that. Knowing, that's called knowing what to do. It's not like, you know, you have to put aside all of your work, it has to be done anyway, come and sit dazen.

[42:08]

That's wrong. You have to know. You have to be able to have continuous practice, which includes not sitting dozen. I remember in a conversation with you, when you were having a hard time, Suzuki Roshi, I mean Suzuki Roshi asked you, Oh, isn't our practice hard enough for you? And I'm thinking about different styles of practice. Somebody talked to me for Dogasana on the telephone yesterday, who said they were someplace where next to the Jikijutsu glyph, like the Sishin director, there was a big sign that said, not there yet. and people sit very long periods without moving, great intensity, it's a little different, somewhat different than what we're doing here outwardly.

[43:24]

I wonder if you have... I don't know, what do you mean by different? I don't feel like we sit in a way that's going to that tries consciously to generate pain. I think that they would call it sitting two hours without moving. And that being the structure of the Sajin, and being berated if you move. What is the difficulty? When Suzuki Roshi asked you, Isn't our practice hard enough? What do you understand? Well, we were always encouraged to never, to not move. And I hope that we're encouraged to not move here. But what did he mean when he asked you that question? I said, I said, do you think I should continue to practice?

[44:31]

Because, you know, I thought, I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm not good enough. I was kind of testing him to see what he would say. And he said, well, I'll tell you what happened. We were in Sashim. And, you know, it was always very painful. And I was in my novitiate. And I was sitting in full lotus at that time. The last period of Zazen, I gave up. And I thought, I'm so ashamed of myself. And I said, do you think I should continue practicing? He said, what's the matter? Isn't that hard enough for you? If you can find something more difficult, you should do that. So it was very encouraging. That's how I was encouraged. And thank goodness. Otherwise, I would never have survived. you know, we have an older sangha.

[45:34]

And so I don't emphasize that as much. We were all pretty young when we started practicing back in the 60s. But, you know, we have an older sangha and I don't put as much pressure on people as we had at that time. Which doesn't mean that you should move. But don't move doesn't mean you should never move. Don't move means make big effort. Instead of moving, see how you can actually continue. If you don't see how you can actually continue, you'll never get through the barriers. But Tazen has barriers. And you get through. Instead of going around it, you go through it. And then you go through the next one. And if you don't continue, It's because, you know, my experience was that Zazen brings out something that you don't know you have.

[46:38]

If it doesn't bring out something deep in you that you don't know that's there, it's not Zazen. It's not realization in Zazen. If you keep postponing going through the barriers, It's nice, you know, you can do it, but you don't get to that point where you have certainty about yourself. Because you have to let everything go in order to do that. It faces you with, I can't leave and I can't stay. This is your koan. And it's like, It's right there in front of you. And it's you, right? I can't believe it, I can't believe it. And you stay, and you find a way through it. OK, this is the last question from Nancy.

[47:48]

Oh. What comes to mind to me, and maybe I want to say it in a group so it will be off of me. It's an experience I had yesterday driving, sitting at an intersection and this woman was crossing and she was completely a thin, pickled, drugged, glistening with drugs and pickledness and making her way across the intersection in a kind of stiff way, and a sorrier individual I have never more seen. And, you know, you just want to go, oh, you know, and I don't know.

[48:52]

I mean, it's a kind of, and we all see these people, you know. Somehow, in my mind, I've translated that to having her be a bodhisattva of sorts. And what is her practice? Just, you know, a downward, a determined, self-destructive downward spiral that she has a shred of dignity in, somehow. So I don't know. I think it's just the opposite of what you're saying. I don't doubt it.

[49:34]

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