Today we are having a one-day sitting. We call it Sushin. Sushin actually means, it's usually applied to a longer Sushin, five days or seven days, but I call it one-day Sushin. Sushin starts at five and ends at nine tonight. So it's an all-day event of just doing one thing, even though there are many parts to this one thing, one event. So the whole day is nothing but Zazen. Sitting is Zazen, walking is Zazen, eating is Zazen, serving is Zazen, cooking is Zazen, preparing food is Zazen. It's one complete world of Zazen. no matter what the activity is.

[01:10]

Sitting on the toilet is zazen. Wiping yourself is zazen. There's nothing outside. So, this is completely turning yourself over to this one activity. So, not so easy. And actually, people talk a lot about Zen, but very few people actually practice it. In the Zen mind, beginner's mind, Dogen quotes from the Surya-Gama Sutra. You probably know this story.

[02:13]

It's not a story, but it's about the four horses. You probably recognize it. He says in our scriptures, in the Samyukta-Gama Sutra, it is said that there are four kinds of horses, excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, right and left, at the driver's will, before it sees the shadow of the whip. The second best will run as well as the first one does, but just before the whip reaches its skin. The third one will run when it feels pain on its body, The fourth one will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of its bones." So you can imagine how difficult it is for the fourth one to learn how to run.

[03:16]

But he says, when we hear this story, almost all of us want to be the best horse. usual understanding of this story and of Zen. You may think that when you sit in Zazen, you will find out whether or not you are one of the best horses or one of the worst horses. Here, however, there is a misunderstanding of Zen. If you think that the aim of Zen practice is to train you to become one of the best horses, you will have a big problem. This is not the right understanding. If you practice Zen in the right way, it does not matter whether you are the best horse or the worst one. When you consider the mercy of Buddha, how do you think Buddha will feel about the four kinds of horses? He will have more sympathy for the worst horse than for the best one.

[04:24]

And now everybody will want to be the worst horse. That's not good. So worst or best or whatever. Practice is just practice. It doesn't matter whether you're the worst horse or the best horse or the middle horse or whatever. Everyone enters practice as just who you are. And when you start comparing yourself to someone else, you may think, oh, they're doing it all so much better than me, and they have the right idea, and I'm just so bad, and my legs hurt, and I can't stand it, and I'm gonna get out of here. When you start comparing yourself to someone else, you lose it.

[05:26]

Your practice is beyond compare, and the person next to you her practice is beyond compare. When we enter into comparative values, we lose it. When we sit in Sashin, Sashin is the place which is beyond comparative values. All of our activities are judged through comparative values. This is better than that. the virtue of each person's true nature. Sashin is to go beyond comparative values, without judgment, without good and bad, right and wrong, like and dislike.

[06:31]

We simply sink into the ocean of our true nature, which we can call virtue, which means without guile, without wanting anything, without expecting anything, to simply free ourselves from discriminating mind, judgments, and desire. So Suzuki Roshi talked about how when we feel lonely or when we feel disengaged from our fundamental nature, we're like children who are orphans.

[07:38]

children who are like orphans because they don't know who their parents are. So when we can let go of our discriminating activity, and let ourselves sink into the ocean of reality. We know who we are, even though we don't know who we are. Because we don't know who we are, we know who we are. Because we're not trying to figure anything out. We're always trying to figure something out. No need to figure it out. We just let our nature take over, which is very scary.

[08:49]

If we stop thinking for a while, it's very scary. You know, we have various names for the absolute. Suzuki Roshi called it Big Mind. The sixth ancestor called it Essence of Mind. Most people, most religious practices call it God.

[09:56]

In Buddhism, we avoid using that term, but it keeps popping up. We have the term Vairojana, which is esoteric Buddhism's focal point. These names are like focal points, are reference points. So when we talk about or the essence, we give it names. So we're free to use any name we want because we don't have a special name. So it sometimes seems a little strange for a Buddhist teacher to talk about God, but it's simply a reference point and a term. But it has a lot of emotional impact

[10:59]

in the West, because it's very deeply embedded. But Suzuki Roshi talked about, he used the term God without flinching. He says, usually everybody forgets about Zazen. Everyone forgets about God. They work very hard at the second and third kinds of creation. So he says there are three kinds of creative activity. The first one is when you get up from zazen. When you sit zazen, you are nothing, basically. It doesn't mean no special thing. When we say nothing in the Dharma, it means no special thing, not nothing. It can also mean empty of its own intrinsic nature. But when we get up from zaz, from zero, we call it, zero is not nothing, it's zero, then the first creative act begins.

[12:19]

We don't have any idea in our mind at all, and so everything is fresh and new. That's the first act of creation, because we create or our nature, we let our true nature see what it sees. We say, I see, I hear, and so forth. But it's really our nature that says, I hear, I see, and so forth. The second one is where we start elaborating on this. And we say, oh, this is my town, this is my street, this is our house. And then the third act of creation starts combining all these activities and creating a society. So we participate in that. Those are the three acts of creation. The first one is fundamental. The second two are elaborations.

[13:21]

But when we cut ourselves off from the fundamental, we only have the ongoing activities, which are not connected to the fundamental. That's why we have so many problems. Because our activities are not connected to the fundamental. Zazen is the fundamental. It's very easy. We don't even have to think about it. All we have to do is sit still. So I said, usually everyone forgets about Zazen. Everyone forgets about God. They work very hard at the second and third kinds of creation. But God does not help that activity. How is it possible for him to help when he does not realize who he is? So this is a strange thing to say. And two weeks ago, Hosan gave a talk and he talked about this. And when he came to this sentence, how is it possible for God to help when he does not realize who he is?

[14:34]

He turned to me and he said, you can answer this question, or something like that. But he didn't give me a chance to say anything. So I'm trying to figure out how am I going to So this is my... So it's a kind of koan, but he may not have said this exactly the way it's written. But if he did, we'll crack the koan. How is it possible for God to help when he doesn't realize who he is? That's why we have so many problems in the world. So when we forget the fundamental source of that meaning, we are like children who don't know what to do when they lose their parents. This is the story of Master Tozan crossing the stream.

[15:44]

When he left Ungan, his teacher was dying. back in the Tang Dynasty in China. He asked his teacher, when will we meet again? And his teacher said, just this, like this. So Tozan laughed and he didn't know what to think of that. And so, when he was crossing the stream, He saw his reflection in the stream, and he realized who he was. is like essence of mind.

[16:52]

He saw himself in his dream and so naturally, everywhere he looks, he sees his true self. Everything is a reflection of our true self. When we become disengaged from our true self, everything is only an object. We were living in a world of a subject over against objects. When you realize this, all things are a reflection of his true self. He has this freedom. He says, now I can go on by myself, totally free, because I live in a world where the whole universe is myself, my true self. That's freedom. When we sit in Zazen, we see our reflection in the river, of our true self, but we don't recognize who we are. So, in a sense, we bring to life our true self.

[18:12]

We invent words like, we invent these terms. We invent, turn like God, and anthropomorphize this deity as being like ourself. But we don't know who ourself is. So we always have this problem, like fighting with the angel. So, when Tosan was crossing the stream, he said, he is what I am, but I am not now what he is. That's as close as I can get to analyzing this sentence.

[19:21]

He is what I am, but I am not. He is, it could be she, could be it, but he is what I am now, meaning true nature. But I am also independent. Although I am one with the whole universe, I am also independent. So how do I know? How is it possible for my true nature to help when he doesn't realize who he is? I don't know. It's still a go on. I want to get back to... I want to get back to Zazen and how we give ourselves over to Zazen, how we give ourselves over to our true nature, so that our true nature recognizes

[21:20]

So we have what we call the six prajna paramitas. Prajna is, of course, non-dual wisdom, the wisdom of non-duality. So the first one is generosity. In Sazen, we give ourselves over completely. That's called generosity. Suzuki says generosity means non-attachment. Just non-attachment itself is generosity. The biggest problem that we have in Zazen is hesitation or not quite giving ourself completely. You know, I remember when I first started to practice, there was always the idea that you have to die in the cushion.

[22:29]

You should die in the cushion. Die in the cushion means to give yourself over completely without holding anything back and die and come back to life. I think every religious practice has that understanding. If you just die, that's not complete. It means you're not giving yourself completely. If you give yourself over completely, without holding anything back, you'll come back to life. This is the biggest problem that we have, and it causes all the problems. It's the cause of almost all of the problems in Zazen. It's not giving yourself over completely. Holding something in reserve.

[23:33]

I'll go this far, but I can't go that far. It's boring. It hurts. So effort is one of the paramitas. Effort means to stay with something. One time I asked Suzuki Roshi, what is nirvana? He said, seeing one thing through to the end, completely.

[24:36]

So the second paramita is what I call noble conduct. yourself in a way that allows the precepts to fully function from within you rather than being imposed on you. When you sit up straight, when you make this big effort, this is noble conduct in itself. No matter how difficult It is. You make your full effort, even if it's going to kill you. And the next third one is patience. Patience doesn't mean waiting for something. That is one meaning of patience. But the patience here means just being present.

[25:46]

No matter what's going on around you, you're just always present. And you have the calmness of mind. It really means calmness of mind. And calmness of mind means no matter how difficult it is, the difficulty helps you to find the calmness of your mind. So every difficulty is actually a treasure. That's the secret of practice. If you don't have difficulty, you'll never get to the essence. And so Samadhi means directly touching. being totally one with the activity without falling into duality, which brings forth the sixth one, which is prajna.

[27:14]

term, but we say prajna or samadhi is like a lamp and prajna is like the light, like a lamp. So when you practice asana and you have difficulty you can feel that you light up. This is called enlightenment. Expressing light, expressing fundamental light is enlightenment. That's why we say practice Practice is samadhi. Enlightenment is its light.

[28:24]

So when I was practicing with my teacher, he was always encouraging us. But there were just a few of us who were practicing, and it was really difficult. It's easier for people now, for some reason. Isn't it? But anyway, this is what we're doing today. And I encourage all of us, and I encourage everyone to make your effort And to really be able to see our difficulty as our treasure.

[29:33]

The worst horse often turns out to be the best horse. And sometimes the best horse is not necessarily the best horse. Someone who looks like they're doing Practicing easily and so forth isn't necessarily reaping the benefits of practice. The one who is having the most difficulty and stays with the practice has reached the most benefit. And all of our hindrances, right? and doubts to Buddha. In other words, we lay our ego down at the foot of Buddha and say, this is my offering, please support me.

[30:41]

This allows, you know, itself. We say it settles itself on the self, to settle our small self on our big self. Then our big self knows really who he is. So this is the sustaining practice of, this is what sustains our practice. So you can talk about Zen, forever, but if you don't exercise them and actually get into the nitty-gritty, it's just a lot of talk. Clear question.

[31:55]

Jen? Jerry has a question. Oh, Jerry. Yeah. I was just thinking about when you said it's easier. People have had a lot of difficulties, and it seems like it's easier. For me, the easier is not making a decision about whether or not to come to a particular session. There's some kind of thing where once I made a kind of a commitment to come, whenever I could, you know, aim for all the machines. It just came without it deciding when I'm going to sign up. There was something about allowing the ambivalence or the kind of push and pull of my mind to kind of kick me around. And once I kind of surrendered to it and said, this is what I'm going to do, it was easier. When a lot of people are practicing together, and a lot of experienced people are practicing together, then when new people come, it's easier because there's something about that support that makes it, well, everybody does this, I can do it too.

[33:20]

Sort of like that. That's why our decision makes so much difference when we say, When it's time for satsang, I don't decide, well, maybe I will or maybe I won't. Or maybe, gee, it would be better to go to Santa Cruz or something. It's commitment. So commitment is the most important thing. Without commitment, there's no practice.

[34:22]

Because otherwise, it's just left up to our feelings, which are We can't depend on our feelings. We can only depend on our commitments. This is why I say to people, they say, well, how shall I practice? I say, well, decide what your commitments are and keep them. Then you have a practice. And then when the time comes, it doesn't matter how you're feeling. Just do it. That's the basis of practice. whether you like it or don't like it, or, oh, I'm feeling good today, so I'll do that. No, I'm feeling terrible today, so I better sit. That's not practice. It's a kind of practice. It's better than nothing.

[35:23]

But true practice is commitment. Today, tomorrow, you may not have any time other than what your feelings dictate. That's okay. If you don't have the time, You can't spend the money you don't have. I was caught by the word virtue and the idea of sitting and expressing our virtue. In any given moment, I'm a broken, normal human being, and when I go to sit, I'm expressing that virtue as I sit. But I've been thinking lately about the blade of grass. It's doing nothing, but it's being true to its virtue. And when the wind blows, it moves, but it's not moving itself. It's by virtue of its current state. It does that response, and if it's sitting in Zazen, by chance, it can mindfully observe itself and say, ah, I see by virtue of myself who I am now.

[36:32]

Grass is always sitting Zazen. That's what grass does. That's natural grass is sitting Zazen. Because grass is the perfect example of Zazen. When the wind blows, it just bends over. That's why the problems we have is the stiffness of our ego. We call it, in Zazen, soft mind. That doesn't mean squishy mind. It means flexible. Flexibility is the name of the game. And when we don't have flexibility, that's when we have problems. So in our daily life, in all of our activity, and especially in Zazen, flexibility is the key. Otherwise, every little problem becomes bigger because we're not flowing with it. We're resisting it or standing up against it.

[37:37]

When we stand up against it, it always wins because the whole universe is behind People, when they begin to sit, they feel, well, there's a lot of pain, so I'm gonna win, you know, I guess. You can't do that. You have to let the pain flow through you. And expand yourself so that you don't have any borders. That's the secret. You have to expand yourself so that there are no borders. Borders contain, right? You don't want to contain the difficulty. And then it's not a problem. That's the secret. To open yourself up. That's called dana. Giving yourself up completely. As soon as you have any resistance, the resistance will, whatever it is you're resisting, will win. And yet when we don't resist, don't we express that at least momentarily, or does it come in the view of ourselves?

[38:46]

Now I realize I don't want to be the best horse, because that's a delusion. So I decided I want to be the worst horse so Buddha will love me more. That's what I said. I said you don't want to do that. Is that your problem with that? Yes. Because if you're truly yourself as the worst horse, already the best horse. Except that there's no such thing as the best horse or the worst horse. Kind of going with that, for me one of the edges is those brief glimmers of light when I notice that there's a subtle turning from being just accountable and having that energy come up and going into self-loathing.

[40:19]

And that could turn on a dime to loathing someone else or some other part. And I notice that what helps sometimes is to somehow, in the moment of noticing it, offer it up. or married, or just wondering about you. Yeah. Well, okay, self-loathing, you know, God, I'm such a bad person. That's all. And then go on to the next thing. It's just all mind fodder. Like you said, yeah, that's how you do it. You don't hang on to anything. No attachments. to good, oh, I'm wonderful, okay, oh, I'm bad, this is just all mine. Cool? How can we practice around hesitation?

[41:23]

Yes. Oh. Yes. Just do it. You know, we do have all these things, you know, we have all these qualities, you know, Hesitation, and maybe I shouldn't do that. That's natural and normal. But at some point, that's why it's good to have a vow practice. So that's stronger than your hesitation. The more you do it, the more you have the vowel practice, the more it becomes strengthened because you see how that works. And then it takes care of your hesitation more easily. Yes? So I have kind of two sides to my way of expressing our practice.

[42:46]

One is the real easy side, do whatever you want. And the other is the real strict side, is do it this way. And so those two have to kind of come together. I would do it the easy way, depends on circumstances, and sometimes it's do it the strict way, depending on circumstances. So today I'm talking about the strict way. Other times, maybe the soft way or easy way. It's good to be strict with yourself and it's also good to be compassionate with others. So you have a strict self and a soft self.

[43:48]

The strict self is like prajna and the soft self is like compassion. And you bow. That's why bowing is the most important practice that we have. Because you don't have to say a word. You just bring it all together and you express it. This expresses enlightenment. I'll never get enlightened, but I'll bow anyway.

[44:33]

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