I'll begin again by telling the story that our life is basically unborn, and it's like a river, but then the river gets covered by a road. But since the road is originally an unborn river, the road is always hungry. Now, on the road, there's birth. In the river, it's unborn. On the road, there's self and

[01:41]

other separated, birth and death separated, and there's stress from making a road out of a river. And there's a yearning to go back to the river, to go back to the unborn, which I haven't said before, but sometimes might be called the unborn Buddha nature. And the way to, the way to return, the way to rejoin the unborn, is to enter the great dance. And the way to, the way to return to the unborn is by practicing compassion towards everything on

[03:06]

the road, towards all the forms on the road, or all the forms of the road. Practice compassion towards birth, aging, sickness, and death. Practice compassion towards happiness and unhappiness, towards pain and pleasure, towards the appearance of the body. There's a road-like version of the body, and a road-like version of mind. By being compassionate to these appearances, to these forms, one can rejoin our home in the unborn, which is like a river.

[04:11]

I keep forgetting to mention a form here, and that is, there's a form on the road of Zen, and actually, yeah, and in different schools, and on the road of Zen, there's different schools of Zen. And the different schools are in different houses, and have different names. But one school is called the school of Soto Zen. And in Soto Zen, when we sit in meditation, we make this mudra, like this, which many of you are using when you're sitting, I've noticed. It's called the concentration mudra, sometimes it's called the cosmic concentration mudra. And this is placed usually underneath

[05:15]

the navel, close to the abdomen or touching the abdomen below the navel. Many of you are doing that form. But the form I wanted to mention is the form of the hands when doing walking meditation. And that form, some of you are, what you're doing is you're walking with the cosmic meditation mudra while you're walking. But the usual form is to kind of, you could say, collapse or consolidate this mudra, this concentration mudra, consolidated or concentrated like this, putting the thumb of the left hand down and wrapping the fingers of the left hand around the thumb, and then placing the right hand over the left, and putting the thumb of the right hand between the thumb of the left hand and the other fingers. So it looks like this, and then turning it

[06:19]

either upright or slightly tilted back, and hold it at about the level of the sternum. This is a form which I keep forgetting to tell you, but finally I remembered it. Here is a form that you could take care of. That you could be responsible to and for, and this responsibility to this particular form, for it to work in the program of returning to the unborn, this responsibility for this mudra should arise from generosity. It should be a gift. This form should not be used to try to get back home.

[07:24]

And yet, if you take care of this form, you will go home. You will return. But taking care of this form should be an act of generosity, a gift, not trying to get anything. So we take care of the forms on the road, but we take care of them as gifts. We take care of the forms of taking care of ourself, like brushing our teeth, feeding our body, and giving it rest and exercise, and keeping it not too hot or cold. Taking care of our body is a good opportunity for practicing our ethical responsibility to this body. But it should arise from generosity.

[08:29]

And on the road there is an opportunity to be responsible to the welfare and happiness of others. But this responsibility, this ethical responsibility to the welfare of others, it needs to arise from generosity in order to take us home to the unborn. Which, as I said before, it means taking care of yourself and taking care of others in a non-addictive way, not by habit, but by generosity. It is not our habit, or I should say it is our habit, to take care of ourselves and others habitually, rather than arising out of the idea of offering that gift.

[09:33]

If we do notice that we're taking care of ourselves habitually, then that habit is another form to take care of on the road, another thing to be responsible for and to, as an act of generosity. So if you're taking care of yourself in an ungenerous way, then generously take care of yourself in a generous way. And then even your habitual way of taking care of yourself, or your habitual way of taking care of others, are opportunities for this responsible, this generous responsibility which will bring us home. Which will bring us to the dance by which we return.

[10:37]

And another lesson on the road to how to behave on the road is is kind of to take care of what is being given to you. Like I said, everything on the road is really given, completely given. And being mindful of that, this wonderful thing can happen. But it's not so much this wonderful thing of returning to the unborn.

[11:46]

And sometimes people might think, oh my god, this thing happened and we return to the unborn. When this thing happened, we return to the unborn. We return to our actual life. We return to freedom of our actual life. But the real, the important thing is that you really received it with no, you know, you really like contact what was given and didn't skip over it. You gave yourself completely to what was given to you completely. And then it seems like, wow, this is fabulous, but it's not. Exactly it that's fabulous. It's your way of relating to it that sets you free and brings peace.

[12:49]

And in fact, the things that are given are like their forms, their particular colors and smells and tastes and words. And actually, these colors and tastes and words and feelings and ideas, all these things that are given, they're also given when we know them, they're given as words. They're not words, they're given to us, and then because of words, we know, we know them. And now, now that we know them, we can practice with them. And our habit is to kind of, well, it's not exactly that we want to live in the world of the known, but it's almost like that. And we're addicted, we're addicted to live in the realm where we know things,

[13:58]

which means we're addicted to live in the realm of words. We're uncomfortable living in the realm of the river where there's really no words, or at least there's words, but they don't apply to anything. There's flying around with other things which might rhyme with them. And things can rhyme on the road, too. The known things can do wonderful things with each other. So this responsibility is for particular things. Particular things are completely given, and most of us need to train

[14:59]

to be present for the particular, and then to be really generously responsible with the particular. And, you know, really be with it without trying to get anything. And again, to practice generosity and ethics, ethical responsibility and patience if we don't immediately experience freedom. Or I should say, yeah, what's the word? Not exactly experience freedom, but realize freedom by the way we relate to the road. And again, be calm with these particular forms, which means to be open to them and playful with them. Calm with them, flexible with them.

[16:05]

And be creative, but not necessarily think we're being creative. But by being creative, we re-enter the creative process, and the creative process is not created. The creative process is unborn. And we yearn to be in the unborn creative process. It's our home. Of course. Of course we live where we're being created. And that is not, in this tradition, is not created, is not something that's creating the creation. It seems like things would not be as free if there was. And if there seems to be, fine, we do the same practice with that.

[17:20]

Daniel, would you bring one of those folding chairs up here and put it here? Carmen, would you bring one of those folding chairs and put it up here? Well, that's kind of a creative way to put it. I thought it was for the water, I wasn't sure. That's a creative thought. Hello, water. Hello, water. Want to go over here? I also brought copies of this book for anybody who wants a signed copy. I brought them last week, but some of you weren't here. Someone suggested I bring them again, so I did.

[18:46]

Once again, this is about being responsible in a way that we're being generous in our responsibility to appearances, and appearances are what we know, and all we know. However, what we know, or the appearances that we know, are not the totality of our life. They're just kind of like this dried up version of our life which is knowable. But again, when I say dried up, I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. I just mean it like I'm respectful to a dehydrated version of the river.

[20:07]

I understand that people like the dried version of it because they can get a hold of it, and they feel uncomfortable with the fully moistened life because you can't grasp it. However, we're living in it all the time anyway. We never actually are not living in it. However, on the road, we are, in a sense, exiles. We are exiles. We are exiles born. When we are born, we are exiles. In our actual experience, we're not exiles, but we're not born. And because of past karma, we feel a little uncomfortable not being born, being unborn. It's something we have to develop patience with.

[21:10]

One type of patience is patience with pain. You know, pain. Another kind of patience is patience with insult. Another kind of patience is patience with the unborn experience, with the fact that things aren't really produced. That's a type of patience which we can work up to by being patient with things on the road. And so we do see things, most of us on the road, that would be opportunities for patience, and working on that gets us ready to be patient with where we actually want to be. But where we actually want to be, we actually have difficulty being there. Even though we're at peace and free there.

[22:15]

Like sometimes people say, why do I forget this? They're perfectly happy, they remember what's important, and they say, why do I forget it? Why am I exiled from this place which I found again, which I know is where I want to be? Well, the reason is because of past exiles, exhalations. We're not really exiles, we're just exiles when we're born, and when we die, and when we're born. In the realm of the unborn, we're not exiles. But karma makes us want to go away from a place where there's no enclosure, and be inside of a cognitive enclosure. So we accept that there's that tendency, right? Somewhat. And we work with that. And now we have a way to work with it.

[23:21]

So we can be free of it. So I'll say one more thing, and that is the distinction between the appearance, the road, and sort of actual life, which means actual experience, which is not subject to being known by itself, we ourselves cannot know ourselves, but we can be ourselves. The distinction between those two is brought up because of the concern of freedom. Freedom, I think, involves being aware of these two dimensions of our life.

[24:24]

Experience and appearance. Who we really are, and who we appear to be. Who we really are, which is seen from nowhere, and who we are, which is seen from somewhere. And we kind of like to see things from somewhere. That's our habit. That's our training to learn to tolerate seeing our life from nowhere. I put these chairs up here because I thought it might be nice, if you want, if you have any feedback, to come up here and sit down. If you have any songs to sing or anything, this microphone can pick them up better. And Fred has some blankets for you if you get cold,

[25:33]

which he will offer to you. So, any feedback or questions about how to be responsible and generous, how to be generous and responsible to every... Come up. Do you want to come up? You don't have to. No, you don't have to. But you will be able to. You're welcome to. Okay. Here she comes. This is Sharon coming up to offer something. The form, I was looking for forms this week. Thank you. And nothing, there wasn't, there's a form of my work, nothing around driving. So I thought I would look at my, take the form of reactivity as it might arise in me.

[26:37]

And there were three things. The last one, which I'm having trouble with generosity. The first is that a niece of mine is moving this weekend and I felt sad that she was moving and a loss. And I could be generous with her around her need to go and my feelings. You could be generous with her. I felt generous. And you could be generous to your feelings of sadness? Yes. Okay. And then the second one was, I saw a periodontist who told me I needed some bone grafting and some loss of bone. The reactivity that came up, the appearance of this reactivity was first pain. But I felt this person who was going to do the surgery, I felt his generosity towards me. I felt I could relax because I felt cared for in his presence.

[27:48]

The $4,500 they told me I was going to need to pay came up. That was a small reaction, but I noticed it. And that was okay. I felt just he would take care of me. And I felt generous in that. This third thing came yesterday. And generally, I don't feel much reactivity coming up in my days. I was in my backyard and a neighbor from the back that I can't see because I planted things heard me and yelled at me to come over. And I said, yes. And this neighbor about a year ago chopped a tree. Not a large tree, but a tree that was growing. It's in the corner of my yard and kind of covers his or had. And a year ago, he chopped his side of the tree.

[28:50]

And it left the tree leaning into another neighbor's yard with children. I called an arborist and had him trim it and balance it. So yesterday he says to me, the trees now growing a little bit into his yard as much. I'm going to chop that tree. And I got so reactive. I watched, I saw, I didn't think of it as appearance, but I watched it arise in me. This rage that he was going to cut this tree. And I'm telling him I have a story then. And my story to him is that I hired the arborist. I paid this money. It's in balance. It could hurt the children. And then I noticed telling him a lie. I really, I don't, I can't even, I don't even know when I've not, I've actively spoken. I said, I called the city. And what did I say?

[29:52]

And it's illegal to let a tree fall in, you know, to do damage to a tree that could fall into the neighbor's yard and hurt their children. I eventually called the city actually after this. But, and he was screaming and yelling at me and all and telling me he was just going to cut this tree. And I came in and I was so upset. I still, I'm, I'm worked with this a little bit, but I feel sad for the tree. And I don't feel very generous towards him. I've been working with feeling some generosity towards him and his need to not have any leaf cross his boundary. And I, I can't find that within myself.

[30:53]

I, I did call the city. They said, it's a civil matter. I could write a letter to him. I could call my insurance company, but really there's nothing I can do. It's a sense that the rage I could feel was this under that was this sense of powerlessness that there wasn't any functional thing I could do except kind of relax and accept this. But I'm finding difficulty with the generosity to him. These are good examples. Thank you. Um, and when I heard these stories, these different stories, um, and the last one being the most challenging to you, you used the word reactivity. And when you said reactivity, I thought every time you said it was, I thought something

[32:01]

that you did because you missed the beat before. So in the case of maybe the first example, your niece moving away, because you didn't take care of the moving away first, you had this reaction, which you had this reactivity. But then you took care of the reactivity, which is good. Then you take care of the reactivity, which is actually the way you feel when you don't take care of the first thing. So I think that when we say reactivity, we often mean that we didn't take care of what was given. We didn't have the generosity towards the thing immediately. We missed the first thing, that the thing was given to us, and we didn't say thank you. And then we had, and then not saying thank you, something arises from not saying thank you. But in your case, because of this practice you're doing, then you notice that and then you said thank you.

[33:01]

Then you brought generosity. So in each one of these stories, there are stories of where you missed the first thing and you notice what you did when you missed the first thing, and then you did it. In the case of this person doing something harmful, you also had trouble saying thank you, and then you had this response, and then you had trouble saying thank you to your own response. Not to mention his further responses. And the harm in just not speaking the truth to him. Yeah, that too. The speaking the truth should arise from generosity. In this teaching, the generosity is first, and then the ethics follows.

[34:04]

So ethics is a gift. Ethics is not doing something ethical to get something. It's an offering. Like last week, towards the end of the class, Marjorie said, it's possible to be X and still say no, or still stop something. It's possible to have a generous response to this person and still stop him from hurting the tree. It's possible. It might be good to stop him from hurting the tree. I might have said thank you for... Who knows what you might have said. A lot of possibilities. If you are generous, you could possibly stop him. One way for you to stop him is to say, I see your problem. Like when you were telling me about this guy, I thought of, which I often do, which is quite helpful to me and others, I thought of my grandson.

[35:09]

If he had a backyard of his own, which he doesn't, I can imagine that if a leaf from somebody's tree came into his backyard, he'd freak out, maybe, when he was a little boy. What's that leaf from somebody else's... One time he asked me for a banana, and I brought it to him and cut it, and he just totally fell apart, because I cut his banana. So I realized I have to really be careful with this little guy, because a little thing like that, even if generously offered, he can get very upset. Then I have to quickly respond generously to his reactivity, his total rage and fear of what happened when I cut the banana. His world was really totally reorganized, without any expectation. Another time when I was at the Los Angeles Zoo with him, and he was trying to peel an

[36:18]

orange, and I said, would you like me to help you? And he said, yes. And I took and I bit the top off, and again, he totally freaked out. He said, you bit my orange! And he tried to hit me and stuff, and a policeman came over and said, what's going on? And then he was going to throw it in the garbage, and his grandmother says, if you throw it in the garbage, you're not going to get any lunch. So he didn't. Hours later, he forgave me. Just for example, seeing him as a little boy who's got his own yard, and anything coming into his yard is like a total trauma, if I would see him that way and say, oh, this is like a frightened little boy, I might think to myself, he's probably not able to be responsible for this tree in a generous way. So I probably should say to him, you know, I think really what I'd like to do is, I'll

[37:20]

take care of the tree. I'll prune it. Let me do it. Because you could do the same thing to the tree that he's doing, but kindly, in a loving way. Say, let me take care of the tree. Show me what you want to do, and I'll do it. You know, just like a little boy who's like, your tree is like traumatizing him. Well, you don't want somebody like that to be taking care of this tree, or the apple, I mean, or the orange. He's just going to throw it in the garbage. He's going to throw his orange in the garbage that got him so upset. So this guy probably would hurt the tree, and you don't want that. But you could say, maybe if you realize what you're dealing with as a child, say, let me take care of it. I'll take care of it. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. You don't have to say, you're a child, and you're incapable of taking care of this tree in a compassionate way. Just say, let me take care of it. When you see somebody who can't take care of something, try to give them a gift of

[38:25]

saying, well, I'll do it for you. I'll help you. I don't want you to help me. I'll do it by myself. Try to find a way to either to do it in a compassionate way or show him how to do it in a compassionate way. Because this tree needs to be taken care of, and you've got a frightened person here. So you've got to protect the tree and him and the whole neighborhood from his trauma, from his violent reaction to his fear. He's probably terribly afraid of these branches. Who knows what he's seeing? He's acting like a little boy. Or a little girl. He's really scared of something. This is really threatening his road. But when you see an adult man, especially a big one, who's really frightened, it's not that easy to say, well, let me help you. It's not that easy to come in there and say, let me help you with this.

[39:27]

And in a loving way. Sometimes they snap out of it. Not always. But if somebody said, I understand completely. Let me help you with this. Oh, OK. Well, I can feel it softening towards him when you're speaking. He's just a little, he's a child. I can think of my grandchild. Yeah, he's just a little boy at heart with a big body. And when he's upset, he's not capable of taking care of an orange, or a tree, or himself, or anything. And the appearance, this is appearing. Yeah, this is appearing. This person is really upset. And then can you say, welcome. Welcome a wrathful deity who looks like a frightened little boy with a big body.

[40:34]

Welcome. And then be responsible. Not just welcome and see you later. But welcome and then be ethically responsible for it. And then if you take care of each thing, you may find some amazing, you know, what looks like a wonderful way to deal with it. But it's not so much that you make up the wonderful way to deal with it, but that you deal with what you're running into. It's very important to deal with what you're tripping on, or what's tripping you up. What looks like an obstacle in one view. What looks like an obstacle, if you really say thank you, it looks like a miracle, what can happen. But it's not really a miracle. It's that you accept the way things are given completely. Well, that's the freedom. That's the freedom. From the liberation. Yeah, right. Thank you. Very good examples.

[41:35]

Thank you for working on that. Our homework is our way to go home. Our homework is to deal with being exiled in the world of birth. Any other comments or offerings that anybody cares to express? Yes? I invite you to. All of them? I invite you to go a generous amount. I've often noticed you start a story about something by saying that,

[42:36]

it's been suggested to me that I bring some more books tonight. So I brought some more books. And then sometimes I wonder, does he only do what other people suggest? Does he just wait until somebody suggests something? Because when I look really hard, it seems like I can imagine almost everything I see you do. It could be something that somebody, like, for example, teaching this class this year. And I wonder about the things I do, and if I'm being irresponsible when I, or if I just decide to do something because I want to, without sort of waiting to be invited to do it. Wonderful observation. In a way, it's not so much I only do what people have suggested, I only do what's given.

[43:42]

I have my activity, but it's given to me. And then I'm responsible, now that it's given. And I don't do everything that people suggest or ask me to do. Like they say, would you please come to a meeting? But if I'm on the ball, I realize that this request to come to a meeting is being given to me. So there's a suggestion that I respond to this gift. And I want to be generous to this person. I want to be generous to this thing that's been given to me. And then how do I respond to that? What's the generous response? And I don't act all by myself, and nobody else makes me act.

[44:48]

I'm not determined by the things that are given to me. So, like I said before, what we have to work with, what we have to be generous with is given completely. How we respond is not determined, or I should say is undetermined. I would say undetermined is better than not determined. It is determined because, in a sense, how you respond to what's given, in some sense, is determined by what's given. But really, how you respond is undetermined, given the determinants. You're given determinants, and then your response is undetermined. That's your freedom. Is it only undetermined if you notice that it's given? And if you miss that as a gift? Did you say, is it only freedom if you miss?

[45:50]

Is it only undetermined? Yeah. If you miss that, is it only freedom if you don't miss that? Is it only undetermined if you notice the gift? It's undetermined either way, but if you're not mindful and you don't honor that responsibility, you miss out on the freedom. Your freedom is to respect your responsibility. And it's not even that your freedom is to do this or that ethical response, that's more like a matter of human beings judging what's happening on the road. Like, he did well or he didn't do well. The freedom is not that you do something wholesome or do something unwholesome.

[46:51]

The freedom is that you're on the beam of responding out of generosity, that that's what you're focused on. That's where the freedom is. And if you miss that, you miss the freedom. But it's undetermined. How it goes when you miss out, how it goes when you don't pay attention to your responsibility, how it goes when you're not respectful of your responsibility, that's also undetermined. But even though it's undetermined, it's not recommended for realizing freedom. People don't need any encouragement to not pay attention. And not be respectful of this. They naturally have a hard time doing that because of the habits which lead to reactivity. So we do need to practice in order to realize this reality.

[47:54]

But the reality is there anyway. It's just that if we don't practice, it's almost like it's not there. Like we say, the way is all pervading and perfect. There's no place it doesn't reach. But if there's the slightest discrepancy, it's like it's big. It's almost like there's no way. The way is like millions of miles away. The freedom is the practice. And the practice is to honor your responsibility, to respect it. And that's before anybody's judging whether you did anything right or wrong. You just feel, yes, I do. I feel obliged to act in a way that's in accord with freedom and peace. Yes, I do. And I want to respect that. And I am respecting it. And this is my responsibility. And here's my practice right now.

[48:56]

And now I can judge how I'm doing and somebody else can too. And that can be dealt with too. But it's not really a judgment. It's not really another appearance. You're welcome. Thank you. Did you hear what I said? It's not a judgment or an appearance. You can judge it and there can be appearances. But judgments and appearances are things that we know. The reality of freedom is impossible to know. But it's not impossible to realize. As a matter of fact, you realize it when you're practicing. You just don't get to know it, you just don't get to get a hold of it. Because that isn't where it lives. It doesn't live in the realm where you can get a hold of it.

[49:57]

It's free. Freedom is free. You don't get to get freedom. You don't get to attach to freedom. You don't get to take it home with you. You do get to get distracted from it. You do get to say nasty things about it. You do get to lie about it. I don't care about freedom. Freedom is not interesting to me at all. It means nothing to me. I don't care if anybody's free. I don't care if everybody's in prison. We can talk like that because we're free. We can say some other things that are even nastier because we're free. But if we don't practice and we just talk nastily, we're not going to understand freedom. We're not ethically responsible to be cruel. We're unethically responsible to be cruel.

[51:00]

Yes. Please come. It's triggered by what Charlie was talking about in maybe a different way. So I've been practicing with caring, being upright with caring, not caring too much, not caring too little. And the form I've been practicing the last week... Kind of like pruning a tree. Yes. So I've been practicing with the form of losing the last week, which is a mirror of caring for me and trying to understand that. Um, and looking at what I care about by what I'm afraid to lose. So one form I did this week is, um, I went through my file drawer, which I've collected for 30 years now, and I threw things away.

[52:38]

And, um, 30 years ago tomorrow, I got my first job out of college. And I've worked in that industry for 30 years now. That industry is dying. So it's, it's, it's, it's being lost as well. 30 years ago today? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. You got your first job after college. Right. And I've stayed in that industry. So now it's dying. And, um, I went through all these files I had that had relevance to me. And I was sorting them out because I thought they were, they were things I cared about. And I was trying to throw them away. I put it in the piles of things I just couldn't throw away. And things I could throw away and then things that were in limbo. And then I, I tried to be mindful of what I was caring about here. Because some things were no more, they weren't relevant anymore. This, this whole industry is gone. Um, so what came up to me is a little bit what we talked about last week about

[53:43]

commitment, that the things I had a hard time losing, um, I felt still committed to. And the things I didn't feel committed to for whatever, I throw them right in the can. Um, so I started looking sort of at commitment as the source of caring. And it, it kind of raised some concerns to me. It's sort of like what I heard Charlie saying, or what Sharon was saying, like, there are many trees being pruned right now, but you care about this particular tree, you know, because you're committed to this tree in some way. And it made me also realize that, um, you know, the other side of caring for me is always losing. And the fear of losing makes me kind of hold my commitments close. Like I am in some way managing what I care about by sort of keeping a small circle of commitments. And what would ever make me want to expand that commitment level to something broader

[54:47]

to care about if I knew that I would just lose more? How could I stand that? Um, so I'm, I'm just wondering where the, this teaching of freedom, I like the sound of this, because if there's the opportunity and everything I care for, to realize the freedom, even in losing it, but otherwise I have this karmic need just to kind of contain what I care about. You know, I care about this tree in my backyard, but two doors down, let them cut it down. It's no problem for me. Well, as they often say in Zen stories, you said quite a bit there. And I, I just want to say, because I crossed my fingers before, so I can keep, so I can talk without my fingers crossed, and before I forget what these crossed fingers stand for, I just want to say that today is the day that 42 years ago I was ordained as a priest.

[55:51]

This one is about, uh, the industry is dead, Buddhism is dead. The Buddhism that was born is, is dead. So I'm going to go and try to take all the stuff that I have related to Buddhism and give them away, which is another one, which is, don't throw that stuff away, be kind to it, recycle it. Don't throw it away, just get it out of the house, empty the house of the things that are related to something that's died, which would probably mean you're almost completely dead. Empty the house. But it'll take a while, give Laurie a chance to adjust.

[56:58]

Not exactly nothing, but more like with an empty house, there's something in an empty house. Now the thing about commitment, I kind of feel like it's not just that we care, it's not just that, I don't think the care comes from the commitment, I commit to what I care about. And then when I commit to what I care about, I get to notice reactivity. If I care without commitment, I think it's a little harder for me to notice my reactivity. And in your example, I thought it was a really good example, because you said if you would extend, you said commitments, I think you're right, that if you extend the commitments, your activity would expand greatly. And you don't want that. But it's not so much that it really would expand, you just become so aware of it,

[58:07]

you probably would have trouble functioning in anything related to your usual way, so you probably should work up to it gradually. But I think that would be good, to actually do that, is to consider expanding your commitments so that you become more aware of your reactivity. Because again, you think, oh, those people over there, I haven't committed to them, so I have no reactivity with regard to them, and it's nice not to be reactive. I can be generous to people when they're really far away, but if I commit to them, they get closer, and then, my generosity. And the other thing is that this death of the industry, or some of these things, again, can we see death as a gift? Because again, on the road, there's birth, which we sometimes do see as a gift, but we don't usually think of death as a gift, we think of it as a gift.

[59:10]

But can we think of death as a loss? Can we think of a loss as a gift? Again, on the road, there's gain and loss, and there's a practice of generosity towards gain and loss. But generosity towards gain is not to say, thanks, I'll take that gain. It's more like receiving the gain and then giving it away. Receiving the loss and giving it away. So, the responsibility in the realm of the road, where there's gain and loss, that responsibility to what to do with the equipment of a defunct activity, that gift, now I want to be generous with that, and then my responsibility comes out of the generosity with respect to this thing, which looks like a loss, but which I've heard has been given to me.

[60:11]

A loss has been given to me. A loss has been given to me. The loss of today is given to me. The loss of my youth has been given to me. The loss of my health, the loss of my fame, the loss of my good reputation, has been given to me. And I want to say thank you, and then, not just there, but then be responsible now that I've let it into my life. So, my work has died. The death of my work has been given to me. I say thank you, and then maybe I have some responsibility there, some possible responsibilities, and now I have a new job, which is related to dealing with the death of my old job. I will try to practice that way.

[61:20]

I will try to say thank you to the death of Buddhism, the death of Zen practice. I will try to say thank you to the death of everything good that's been given to me. Now I've been given the loss of all those things. I will try to say thank you to that and be responsible to that. And that's my new job. That's my [...] work. That's the work of a bodhisattva. Which, again, is to simply deal with every single thing that's given to you, because everything in your life, every appearance is given, and we don't know how. Basically, we're told how, but we don't see how. It's inconceivable how the road gets built on top of the river, and then how it kind of seems to die and be born. And then again, when we relate skillfully and in the way we'd like to to that situation,

[62:25]

that's our job, and then we lose that job, or that job dies, and that's the next gift. Thank you. One more before we go on our merry way. Thank you for coming to visit. Okay, so I've been dealing with buying a house issue.

[63:27]

You're dealing with buying a house? Yes. And I've been noticing that the steps I had to take to go through the process, at any time I was trying to force an issue, like call people to help me. Like to do the inspection, and they weren't there, and they weren't there. And I was, rather than keep calling and pushing for the issue, I kind of have to back out and see, okay, this is not the route. This is not going with the flow. What's not going with the flow? I'm trying to make something work, like have these people show up that are not available.

[64:31]

So this is your responsibility, but it's not coming from generosity. Yes, it's coming from trying to force the issue. Trying to get something to go the way, some way. Yes, and that didn't work, so I accepted it. I knew that I was able to be generous about, okay, this is not working that way, I understand. This is a lesson I'm learning. And then I had to leave town, I was out of town. And the agent did the inspections for me, the agent was dealing with. And one of them came really bad. One of the inspections came really bad, there were a lot of conditions. And now I have no generosity towards the bank, because I'm not making bank loans properly. And I have a difficulty to have a generosity for myself and compassion for myself,

[65:32]

although I'm beginning to understand that the step that I have been missing is, because I'm trying, this process, trying to ask the bank to lower the price as a result of this finding. And obsessing about it, that if they want, I don't know if I want to buy it, and feeling like I'm trapped here and I'm not. But when we can't practice generosity, it's hard to see what our responsibility is, which is our freedom. Our freedom isn't our responsibility to have an ethical response to the situation, and if we're not generous, it's hard to see what our responsibility is. It's hard to see where our freedom is. What I got today is that I'm missing compassion for my struggle. Yeah. I'm missing that part, that this is real. That's what's real.

[66:33]

The real is that I have a difficulty accepting that the bank may not give me that reduction. And that it's painful, and I've got it today. I need help. I really do. I need help here. To say that to a banker, I need helper. I need you to lower the price. But I'm only saying that because I need to say this. I need help. Before that, I'm a little bit proud to say... You can be proud and say, lower the price. Lower the price. But to say, I need help. I think I need you to lower the price. And it's really coming from, this is what I need, so would you please lower the price? It's coming from being kind to myself and realizing I don't feel comfortable with the price. I really feel so uncomfortable that I'd like to ask for some help here.

[67:39]

I saw this documentary, it wasn't a documentary, I saw this movie, it's called 127 Hours, about this guy who got trapped, his arm got trapped under a rock, and then he finally broke his arm and cut it off. And then he saw some people, and he was able to say, I need help. This is like a proud young man who probably never said that since he was a little baby. He's out there helping everybody else how to deal with the wilderness. But finally he realized, I need help. And it came. In this case, I don't know how, what the response will be, but yeah, it's kind of like, really like, be kind to yourself, and then you can maybe ask for some help. Say what you need. I don't know what they'll say, but if you do that, that would be good.

[68:44]

Well, the agent does that work, but it's really not my job to myself, it's just kind of, I don't know how I am really comfortable about it. Yeah, this is a good opportunity for you, whatever happens with the house, you can make great strides in compassion regardless of how this goes. Which is what you really will care about. Accomplishing in this life. And that's what's in front of me. It's not worrying about the outcome, it's more attending to what's here. Right. Don't go out in the future. Take care of what's in your face. That's where the art of liberation lives. And the unknown, the banks are the unknown. No, the banks really are unknown, but the bank you're seeing, you know about.

[69:50]

The unknown bank is where you want to go. And you can return, you can find the unknown bank, the unborn bank. You can find that if you practice compassion with the known bank. But you have to look for that bank before you're born. And you will be able to look for the bank before you're born if you're compassionate to the bank on the path where you're born. You practice compassion on the path where you're born, to the bank that's born with you. And then you can find it, this wonderful unborn bank. Yeah, give away your clarity as soon as possible. Thank you very much. Good night.

[70:56]

Do you want to do this little thing? July 5th, July 12th, July 19th, July 26th, August 1st. That's five classes, right? August 9th. No, August 2nd. August 9th. Is this the sixth class or the fifth class? Is this the sixth class? So there's two more classes? August, don't tell me, 16th and 23rd. There's two more? Only two more? 23rd? So there's two more classes, so get to work, do your job. You only have two more classes to learn how to do your job.

[71:49]

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