I have a memory that towards the end of our last meeting, and people from Sacramento were not here, right, so you didn't hear about this, we had kind of a little bit of a homework assignment to work with some form or forms. Is that familiar to some of the people? No? Anybody? Do you remember anything about that, John, since you brought it up? You brought up form towards the end, remember? Remember me suggesting that we have that be kind of

[01:00]

our work during the week? What do you recall about that? I recall that you talked about having to deal with form, whether it's marriage or something else. He reminded me to say something about working with forms like marriage or other commitments, he said. So, that brings up the aspect of working with forms that we are committed to. So John kind of brought up form in relationship to discipline, and so then there's the forms that we commit to as a way to practice discipline with a form.

[02:09]

So, one story is that everything we know is appearances. Is that English? Our appearances? Everything we know, all we know is appearances. That's that story, which is another appearance, or form. And so the issue is working with some forms that we commit to work with, and we could commit to work with every single form, or we could start with some and commit to those, like our marriage, or other kinds of work, but that we commit to the work as an opportunity

[03:19]

for discipline. And again, the word discipline has the root dossiere, Latin, which means having to do with learning. So disciplines are things which help us learn, and in this case it would be to learn the Buddha way, to learn the way of peace and freedom. To use forms to learn the path of peace and freedom. So one form, the form that's often suggested is the form with the appearance of a self. To commit to work with the form of a self. Another form would be, again as I just mentioned, a relationship that we're committed to. That would be another form. And of course, in a relationship that we're committed to,

[04:24]

the self's right there, in a commitment to the other. And the other could be the other person, or persons, or it could be to the relationship. Again, there's a story that says not only are all we know appearances, but appearances, they are other, they are external. Everything appears to be external. The self is in the context of other. Now, can we use these appearances and commit to practice with them? Again, using the image of the road and the river, all these, all the forms appear on the road,

[05:31]

or in the world of the road. The road is a summary of all appearances, and the river supports the road. And by disciplining ourselves in relationship to the appearances, the road, by approaching the road, by approaching the appearances in an appropriate way, we can realize the river. And that would be the path to realize freedom from the road, or freedom with the road. Because the road is where the changes that disturb us occur. On the road, things look solid, and when solid things change, it's kind of a problem, because solid things shouldn't be changing. The road is the realm of substantial things,

[06:36]

substantial forms like this person that I'm committed to, or this person I'm not committed to. But anyway, both of them are substantial, and if I commit to them, then the changes are much more consequential, or much have a bigger impact. One time I went for a ride with someone, a woman who I knew quite well, but who was not my wife. I did not have a really close relationship with her. It was the first time I ever rode in a car with her, and she picked me up, I think, maybe we went together from the San Francisco Zen Center into the Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, and we went to a place called the Arboretum, and we walked around in the Arboretum. And when we were done, she was going to take me over to her house for tea,

[07:39]

and her house was west of the Arboretum. So we got in the car, and she drove east a long ways, and then she turned around and started going west, and then she turned again and went east, and then she went around and went west again, and finally got to her house, and I was in the car, and I was thinking, this is really an unusual way. But I was not upset with her, because I did not have a committed relationship to her. I don't know if that's the reason, but it's kind of the reason. If I'm riding with my wife, you know, and she doesn't drive in the way that I think she should drive,

[08:47]

the way that I think is most appropriate, it has a big impact. I mean, just a slight variation in the true path. Yeah, what I think is the true path, a slight variation in that. But, with somebody that I don't make a commitment to, they can drive all over the place, and it may not bother me. I think that that person is substantial too, but the commitment brings out the substantiality of the driving, brings out the substantiality of the correct path. On the way over here, I drove on a road,

[09:51]

and I committed to practice, I committed to the road, and I committed to practice with the road. I committed to practice the way I've been recommending to practice with forms, in such a way as to realize freedom and peace, understanding freedom and peace, which is, well, first of all, to commit to what you're working with, and then be generous and ethical and patient. And then, be diligent about those practices, and be diligent about relaxing and being open to the form and being playful with it, in order to, what? In order to be creative,

[11:00]

and in order to understand. So, I could have just said, well, I commit to drive the car from here to Berkeley, and I commit to drive the car in a generous and ethical and patient way. That would have been enough. I'm licking a wound. That would have been enough, but that would have been enough. And fortunately for you and me, I came during the traffic jam. So, when I was first driving, I was thinking, I'm driving, and I looked at the guardrail and I thought, I'm driving, it looks like I'm driving a little bit faster than walking. And then I thought, and then I discovered that actually I didn't have to sort of guess,

[12:04]

I could just look at the speedometer. The speedometer would tell me whether I was, and it was six miles an hour, and sometimes it was four, and occasionally it went up to nine, and not too many times did it go to zero. But I was doing my homework. I'm not criticizing you, if you didn't understand that assignment, but I thought we're supposed to be working with some form, so I was doing my homework on the way over here. Since I was driving, I thought, I'll work with the form of driving on the road, and I'll practice with the road, and the driving, and of course the other cars. And I thought, well, if I practice generosity, that might be that I would let people in, if they wanted to get in. And I wouldn't try to necessarily get myself to Berkeley before anybody else,

[13:05]

particularly the people around me. And I also decided not to change lanes, in order to facilitate my getting to Berkeley faster than somebody else. If I move to this lane, this person is in front of me, and if I change lanes, I move ahead faster than the person in front of me. I was helped at the beginning by a person in a Cadillac DeVille, whose license plate was Rita number seven. Actually, Rita star seven. And I was kind of happy just riding behind Rita star seven. And then somebody wanted to get between Rita and me. They didn't exactly ask, and then give me a chance to say, go ahead. They just sort of zipped in there.

[14:08]

And then I remembered that I was practicing generosity with the form of driving in this lane. And I let the person go. However, I did feel somewhat out of touch with Rita. I could still see Rita, but it was a big black truck, and I could just see a little bit of the white Cadillac up ahead. And then things moved along, and sometimes the person moved away, and then I was close to Rita again. And then as we approached the last exit, the last San Francisco exit, which is 4th Street, what people do at that point is they get in the lane to exit to 4th Street, but they don't exit. They just zip along that exit lane and get ahead of everybody else.

[15:12]

Some of the people actually do exit. I don't know how many. I wasn't counting, but maybe 5% actually go in the exit lane and then go off to 4th Street. But the other ones just move into the side lane at the last exit, and then they zip ahead of everybody, and then they wait and ask people to let them in ahead of them. That was difficult for me, to watch these people pull up from behind me, zip ahead of me, and then try to get in front of me. And in front of everybody that they got ahead of. It was sort of difficult to stay in the lane and be generous and say, yeah, go ahead. Get ahead not only of me, but all of these people. It was difficult. I was having trouble because I committed to stay in the lane. And then Rita decided to change lanes, not to go to the exit lane, but go sort of to the left,

[16:17]

and then I felt relieved and went with Rita. And I didn't have to see these people zipping by me anymore. It was more comfortable. But I felt like I kind of violated my commitment. I didn't just stay in the lane. And I realized also that I had to actually, probably eventually move over to the left in order to go on to Highway 80 East. I'd eventually have to change lanes anyway, so I used that excuse also to change lanes again. But I actually had quite a hard time working with that forum. There was an opportunity for generosity, and it was difficult to actually feel generous

[17:19]

towards these people who were budding in line ahead of everybody. And to be ethical towards them, and not look down on them as robbers. Of course, not hate them, not slander them. Some people are tempted to kill people in situations like that. I was not tempted by that one. But anyway, that's another precept. And not to sort of beat them out, and get ahead of them. All these practices, there was no opportunity that I could see to get intoxicated. Not in my situation anyway. And there was no opportunity to misuse sexuality that I noticed. But anyway, I was struggling with being ethical in the situation. It was actually a strenuous practice. Because I wanted to work with the form of my life at the moment,

[18:27]

and I committed to that. And committing to it made everything more consequential. It made me more aware of the consequentialness. But you know what it really made me aware of? Was myself. I was really aware of myself. I could feel the impulses. Very strongly because of this commitment. I was no longer primarily interested in getting the car to Berkeley. I was concentrating on the practice of driving. And it made me so aware of myself, and aware of my shortcomings. Aware of how difficult it is to do these practices with the form. And then we haven't even got to, and of course patience is a big part of it too. There was discomfort in the situation. My back was hurting a little bit too. Fortunately I left early,

[19:31]

so I wasn't worried that I was going to be late for class. Didn't have that stress. And I actually was kind of okay with taking a really long time to get here. I knew that this might happen. I accepted that before I actually went to San Francisco. I went to San Francisco to do another commitment, which was to help my daughter unpack boxes, because she just moved to San Francisco. I knew that if I went there I'd have to go to Berkeley through the traffic jam, and I accepted that. And then when I got there I said, oh, here's a good opportunity, and it was. But in this story, I hardly even got to the part where I'm saying to relax. To relax and be playful with the situation of being in a traffic jam. It's hard to get to being playful

[20:34]

when you're in a traffic jam. Especially if you're... Because the playfulness really goes... The kind of playfulness that I'm talking about is a playfulness that's based on being ethical, not playful in a state of intoxication. Not that kind of playful. Playful where you're sober and playful. Where you're careful and conscientious and patient with the traffic. Again, I thought, if the traffic just flows, I'm less aware of myself. A combination of this commitment and the traffic jam made me very aware of myself. And all of my impulses. And it was actually pretty hard work. And I'm telling you, I was kind of humbled

[21:35]

by, in a sense, I'm humbled by the level of my mastery of the discipline of driving a car. Thanks for coming. Of driving a car in a traffic jam. But that was the practice. I actually hardly... I can't really say I got to the playfulness. I confess. I don't feel like I really got to the playfulness. But I was very aware of the player. The player was not yet playful. You can be a player but not be playful. With Rita it was kind of playful, yeah. Rita helped me out. Especially that it was a Cadillac was helpful.

[22:41]

And actually Rita was the license plate, right? But the person driving I think was a man. I don't really know. But whoever was driving Rita Star 7 was not changing lanes all the time and not trying to get ahead of everybody. It was a pretty... considerate driver. Once again, when the traffic is flowing, I could feel that when the traffic flows there's a tendency for the mind to move towards the driving because you are actually going someplace now. And you lose track of the self that's in the driving. You lose yourself in the progress. But when there's no progress in the activity,

[23:43]

I'm more aware of myself. When I'm not getting anywhere, when I'm not going anywhere, well, there's this boring thing going on here, me. Here's another example. I'll try to restrain myself in this example. Not by this example. This example isn't going to restrain me. I'll try to restrain myself in telling you this example. It's about a movie called Jiro Dreams of Sushi. It's about an 85-year-old sushi master who has a 10-stall sushi restaurant

[24:44]

in one of the subways in Tokyo. And one could say it's a good sushi restaurant, but I won't say that. I just want to point out that this man says he's been making sushi for 75 years. I guess he started when he was 10 years old. He got into a sushi restaurant somehow as an apprentice. He says, I've been working at making sushi for 75 years. When he was 70 he had a heart attack so he stopped riding the bicycle to the fish market. So he's making this sushi and at one point, maybe more than once, he said, I love making sushi. I'm so happy when I'm making sushi.

[25:45]

Here is a form, sushi making, which he practices, which he's committed to. He works generally from 5 in the morning until 10 at night. He likes to work 7 days a week. He doesn't like vacations. He doesn't know what to do with himself. He's happy when he's making sushi. The only time he misses is when there's a funeral or some other big event he'll go to. Otherwise, that's what he likes to do, is go and work with that form. When people first start making sushi, as an apprentice, they don't let you touch the fish. I mean, you can't do anything with a knife. You can't make sushi. But you do stuff like you massage,

[26:48]

in his situation, you massage the octopus, you massage the octopi with your hands. You do stuff like that for years and years before you can actually start learning to cut. A friend of mine, he's a carpenter, and when he went to study carpentry in Japan, for the first 6 months or so, all he did was sharpen blades. Just rubbing blades over whetstones for 6 months. And after that, he just planed for months. Part of this initiation into studying a form is to encounter the part where you're not making any progress, where you're not getting anything done. You're just with yourself.

[27:49]

It's just you and yourself. And you're doing something, but what you're doing is not to do the thing, but to do something where you don't do anything, where you don't accomplish anything. So you're thrown back on yourself. But without something like that, we are not thrown back on ourself, and ourself goes outward, which is entertaining. So anyway, here's this great master. The only problem with the whole thing is the fish. These beautiful fish. I have a little problem with that. And maybe he does too. I didn't hear him say anything about this, but his son, his two sons, he has an older son and a younger son,

[28:54]

they're both his disciples. The older son will take over his restaurant, his younger son has his own restaurant. His older son is now aware that there should be ethics about fishing, that you shouldn't catch the little fish. You should only catch the big tuna. If you catch the little tuna, the little tuna don't reproduce. You have to somehow just catch the big tuna. So his son said some things about his awareness of the ethics of the fishing business, even though they're not in the fishing business, they do buy the fish. So the one problem in this master, this person who I really feel that Jiro practiced generosity, that to get to be a sushi chef, which is called, what is it called? Shokunin?

[29:57]

Is Shokunin a chef? Do you know Eiko? Anyway, to get to be a sushi chef, you have to spend a lot of time, it's been many years of training, I think like ten. It takes longer to be a sushi chef than to be in Japan, than to get a PhD in medicine. At minimum. And so you have to be very generous and patient and ethical. If you're not ethical, the teacher will terminate your apprenticeship. So he went through this long apprenticeship and the man is very relaxed and playful. If you look at the way they work, their hands are very relaxed,

[30:59]

very relaxed hands, and they stand all day long. The people who are doing this, they've gone, for years they've been standing with relaxed hands, and they're playful, and they're creative. He's extremely creative. When you see, just looking at these pieces of sushi, they are so beautiful. They really are works of art, which even an untrained eye like mine, it's just amazing. A form, which he is a master at, in which he loves to practice, he's happy, he's at peace when he's doing this. But then there's this problem with the fish, which I have. So,

[32:02]

some of you have actually talked to me, outside of class, about a form that you could work on, or that you are working on, a form or forms. And so now, with these two stories of my exercise today, with just the driving, I can tell you about other forms I have, but some other time. I work with a number of forms, but I'm telling you today, I confess, I'm not a master driver. Today was like my, it's kind of an apprentice driving mastery, and the apprenticeship, what they do in the apprenticeship is they put you in a traffic jam, to see how you're doing it when you're not getting anywhere. I was really challenged. I confess that to you.

[33:09]

But I also felt good, because I felt like I was doing my job. I wasn't just driving the car, I was practicing, I was disciplining this person, this self, and I was very aware of him. And I was generous with him, so I'm not saying he didn't do well, I'm just saying he was humbled to see how he did. He was humbled by seeing that he was a little bit bored being so much aware of himself. I did not turn the radio on. I did not put a CD on, to distract myself from being with myself. I don't know when I can listen to music again in the car. In this traffic jam, people did not think I was driving too slowly. But today,

[34:13]

for the sake of our class, I felt like I shouldn't be entertaining myself, distracting myself from being with me, in this car. And having the only entertainment be me, the entertainment was me driving the car. That was the show. And it was not very fun. There were these signs, one of the signs, I forgot what it was, but it says, Go with the flow. Something was in brackets, Go with the flow. There was another sign, which said, it was for some casino or something, Have fun. Those of you who drive from San Francisco to the East Bay will be able to see those two signs next time. Maybe at a high speed. Okay, now,

[35:18]

I don't know if the word assignment is right, but anyway, I offer you the homework of finding a form to work on between now and next week. And try to practice with it. Try to be generous with it, really careful and ethical with it, patient with it, diligent with it, and relaxed and concentrated. Jiro was very concentrated. You know how they use those knives, right? How they scrape the scales off. It's just amazing how concentrated they are. How careful. And again, you watch their concentration, their hands, their bodies, very relaxed and flowing. They're not pushing hard through this material.

[36:27]

They're not rough. They're strong and gentle appropriately. Please choose something to work on. Do these practices. It could be something more traditional Zen. It could be like sitting. I've also been doing that this week. But that is something I'm more used to. However, I have been working with that form in a different way this week than usually. And if you remind me, I'll tell you next week because I want to stop now and ask you, if you remind me, I'll tell you about the difference in the way I practiced the sitting this week than the way I did usually. But today,

[37:27]

I want to stop and invite your response to what I've said or to your life. I'd like to invite your response to your life. Marianne and Carmen? Carmen? Say again? When you think about applying these principles to your relationship with your partner. Yes? So you're having a hard time applying

[38:35]

what I'm talking about to relationship situation. So, we could be back in the car. I used the car example of where you have a committed relationship. It's quite different to drive in a car with somebody you have a committed relationship with than somebody you don't. Can you see that? So, or if you're taking a walk with somebody who you have a committed relationship with, it's different because in the committed relationship you are committed to work on this relationship. The other person, if you're not comfortable with them, they're going to be gone in 10 minutes or half an hour. You don't have to deal with them. Plus, maybe they don't have any commitment to you either. For example, they're not committed to read your mind. Whereas if you commit to somebody, after a while you think they can read your mind. How could they do that?

[39:37]

But you don't expect strangers to read your mind. Do you? No. And what I just said, you might say, I don't know what he's talking about. But still, I'll say it again. If you're really committed to somebody and you practice that commitment for a while, if they do certain things, you might think, how could they do that? Don't they know that that would bother me? Does that make sense to you? You don't expect people you don't know to know that doing certain things might bother you. But if you've told someone a hundred times that something bothers you and then they do it, you have trouble understanding how they could do it. But you've told them a hundred times because you have a committed relationship. Some people you tell three times and you say, I'm out of here. Bye bye. Some people you tell a hundred times

[40:42]

and you stay there because you're committed. But then when you tell them a hundred times and they still don't, it seems like you never said it to them, it has a big impact, right? So, that's one way. If you have a committed relationship, so, number one, do you wish to continue to have a committed relationship? Number two, do you wish to practice generosity? What did you say? Did you say it's tough to be generous towards a person? Yes, sometimes. Or maybe even like often. Sometimes or maybe more than sometimes. Maybe not always, but sometimes. So, the first step in practicing in a committed relationship after commitment, basically the first step is to be generous.

[41:44]

Again, if you're a sushi apprentice, I wish to be an apprentice, the teacher says, well, would you commit to practice for six months? Yes. Okay, well then just do this thing for six months. And then how would you practice generosity with that assignment? You would say, thank you very much. I have no complaints. And you would actually welcome that boring assignment for six months. Day after day, you would do that. But actually, wouldn't that be difficult? Wouldn't most people have trouble doing the same thing over and over? Wouldn't most children? Children can do things over and over, over and over and over, and then they want to do something different, and they can't at a certain point. They're done with that. But to actually do something over and over for six months is not that easy. People are frowning.

[42:47]

Do you not understand what I'm saying? All too well. Okay. You want to be a sushi master, maybe, and you get assigned to do something which you can barely see has anything to do with making sushi for six months. Would it be difficult to be generous towards that? And say thank you very much to that, and welcome that. It would be. In a relationship, if you're not committed to it, it's not so difficult to say thank you very much. But once you're committed, then if the days go on, being generous is difficult. If someone who you're committed to does something which you find very uncomfortable, like I don't know what, something you find uncomfortable. You know, they don't put away their clothes, or they don't close the door, or they make too much noise when you're trying to sleep, etc., etc.

[43:48]

Okay? Again, if you don't live with the person, they're not in your house making noise. If your neighbor's making noise, it affects you differently than the person who you are living with, who you're committed to making noise. It's harder maybe even to be generous. But anyway, with both of them I might be generous. So the first practice I'm talking about to apply to your relationship that you're committed to is to be generous, is to welcome what they are. And what they are is sometimes painful, and shocking. I should say, what we imagine them to be is painful and shocking. The conscious construction of them, the image of them, is difficult to say thank you to. That's the first practice. Is that hard? Sometimes. So you have trouble applying this to that relationship? That's normal that it's hard. These practices are simple.

[44:52]

It's simple for me to practice generosity driving over here. It is simple. It was simple, and it will be simple on the way home too. It is simple. But it's hard. It's hard when these people are zipping ahead, actually breaking the law to be in this exit lane, and then pulling in. And they also cross the white line to do it. They go so far. People are breaking the law, trying to get ahead of me and the other people. It's hard to say, thank you very much, please go ahead. It's hard. When people are butting in front of you, especially when they do it before they even give you a chance, if they come up and say, would you please give me that? Yeah, sure, go ahead of me. But when they don't even ask, then you miss the chance of giving it to them, except retroactively. Giving is not always easy, but it's usually fairly simple.

[45:54]

A lot of the times it's really simple. Like letting people go before you, in all kinds of situations. Waiting in line, letting people go. It's simple but hard, it's difficult. Then there comes being careful. Be careful, and again, with somebody you're committed to and close to, you kind of think you don't have to be careful. With strangers you might think you have to be careful, but with somebody who you live with, and you're committed to, be careful. Like when they say something that you find insulting, be careful to not believe that what they said was insulting. To reconsider it, that would be more careful, wouldn't it? Rather than, I feel insulted, you insulted me. That's not so careful as, I have this image of me being insulted, but that's just what I think. They might not have meant it to be insulting. That would be more careful, wouldn't it?

[46:57]

But with somebody that you don't know, you might reconsider it a minute. But with somebody you're committed to, it's even harder to do what you really want to do, which is to be really, really, really respectful. Which means look again. If possible, always be respectful. In other words, if possible, always look again. You see the person, and then, okay, I see them, now look again. Looks like John, I wonder who it is. Let's take a second look here. Let's have a second opinion. That's respect. That's one aspect of being careful. And be gentle. And be gentle when other people are not gentle to me. And so on.

[47:59]

Is that difficult? Yes. And then be patient. Be patient with the hardship. Just the hardship. Like today, I went to San Francisco to help my daughter unpack. It was kind of hard. Part of the reason I went there is because she's got this little baby, so it's hard for her to do anything, because you have to take care of the baby at the same time you're unpacking. And the baby's having a little hard time. This is not very entertaining for her either. It was hard. But it was hard. And I did that hard thing for about four hours, and I really felt good that I did that hard thing, and I was patient with the difficulty, and she was having a hard time too, and she was patient with the difficulty. And I think we were both pretty generous, and we were both pretty careful, so that was good.

[49:02]

But was I relaxed? I was having trouble being relaxed. Was I playful? I was having trouble. A little bit when I was playing with the little girl sometimes, because when I could stop the unpacking and go take care of the little girl, then I could be more playful. That wasn't so hard. But then the little girl starts getting uncomfortable, starts crying, and it's hard to relax with that. Carmen? What?

[50:11]

Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about, the traffic jam. You're in a traffic jam with your son, and you don't know if there's ever going to be any movement. There's change. Huh? The consequences seem great. If you had to stay in a traffic jam... My daughter called me once from L.A. She said, I just wanted to talk to somebody, because I'm in a traffic jam. Nobody's moving, and on the other side of the freeway, nobody's moving either. She said, I feel like I'm in the end of the world. If we actually had to stay in the car, and never get out, that would be a big deal. But that is our life situation, actually. We're not going to get out. That's not going to happen. We are stuck,

[51:16]

and we're consequentially stuck. We are. And it's kind of an illusion that we can actually get out of here. And that we're going to go someplace where there's not major consequences. Where we live is a place that we can't get out of, and that is a consequence. We're in a consequence, which is that there's going to be more consequences, and we can't get out of consequence land. That's the road. Consequence, consequence, consequence. And now the proposal is, we can be free with no progress. And this, by the way, another thing that this man said, which I really had problems with, was he always thinking of how to improve his art. He says, I'm always thinking of how to improve it to make it better. But maybe he is always thinking about making it better,

[52:22]

and maybe he realizes that it doesn't get better. I don't know. I couldn't talk to him. So this thing about improvement is tricky because it can turn into not being generous. Right now, it's difficult to be generous, to be stuck in a traffic jam, to be stuck in a relationship where there's no progress. It's difficult to be generous. But if we can't be generous when there's no progress, we can't be free. If we can't be generous in relationships where there's no progress, we will not be able to be free. Now, if progress happens, we say, oh great, some progress has happened. The person made some progress. My relationship made some progress. How nice.

[53:23]

I agree. Progress is great. It's nice that I got here. It's good. If I hadn't, there would have been consequences. I don't know who I could have called to tell I wasn't going to make it. Let's see. 7-9-8-5-1-1-5? 5-10? 7-9-8-5-1-1-5. I would have called Charlie and told Charlie, would you please go to the yoga room and tell them that I'm stuck. I'm stuck. In a consequence. The consequence is, I got in a car and went on the freeway and now I'm stuck here. But I still love you guys. I'm just not going to be with you tonight. And here I am in this relationship with somebody

[54:27]

and there's no progress. This wonderful boy is not moving forward in his life. And I'm here with him, but I'm not moving forward with him. And I'm really trying to say thank you very much to have a life with him. And that, I say, to me, that is the way to freedom. If I can't do that, I can't get freedom. And isn't that difficult to do on the freeway with a child if we want them to become more skillful and happy? Isn't that difficult? Yes. Freedom is not easy to realize. It takes a lot of work. The first step, well, first step is you want to, second step is be generous to the current situation.

[55:28]

If people are going forward and making progress, fine, I'm not against that. And if you can be generous towards it, I would say your generosity towards progress, that's the path to freedom. But when the progress stops, if the gratitude, if the generosity stops, then the freedom is stopping. It wasn't that difficult, my situation today wasn't as difficult as to have a child that you want to be happy. Do you want your child to be happy? Do you want your child to be free? Do you want your child to be at peace? Yes, of course. Do you want your child to make progress? It's not the same thing. We all may be able to be free without making any progress. It's possible.

[56:34]

If we can be ourselves completely, we will be free. But it's kind of boring to be yourself, moment by moment, with no entertainment. With no entertainment like progress. Progress, oh, how entertaining. I became a better sushi master today. I became a better chef. I became a better husband. I became a better father. I became a better Zen teacher. I became a better Zen student. That's pretty entertaining. And not that difficult to welcome. But how about no progress? Even going backwards and getting to be a worse student is slightly more interesting than just being yourself. I didn't really become a worse driver today, actually. And I didn't become a better driver today. I had trouble being the driver I was.

[57:38]

All the way over here I was the driver I was. And I was making no progress, really, that I could see. Like golf. Yeah. Like golf. And I'm not saying you can't make progress. I'm just saying if you're not, and if those you love are not, you can be with them in a way which will promote peace and happiness. Even if there's no progress. And even if there is progress. Okay? If you and your son should live one more day, and he knows that day with you, that you were so happy and so at peace

[58:44]

with the wonderful thing of him being your son, then his life, if he understands that, that's the greatest gift you can give him. And he wants to know, will she love me and appreciate me no matter what I am, even if I do things she doesn't like? It's not the same as liking. It's that you totally welcome her. You totally welcome her. Then there can be freedom. And it's hard. And you could say,

[59:50]

well, there's improvement to go from being an apprentice, where you're having trouble, you know, being grateful, to being a master, where you're doing all this artwork all day long. But I think the master, I think another way to interpret, to give him the benefit of the doubt, is to be a better and better at his art, I think means that he keeps being challenged to do his art, that it keeps being hard. Not that it gets easier and easier, and not that it gets harder and harder, but that he keeps getting challenged to make sure he's really still doing it. Yeah. What about deciding to make a change? With a car giving off hydrocarbons.

[61:17]

So I usually come at a time when I don't have any traffic. But today I decided to do it differently. And what did I find out when I did it differently, Nina? What did I find out about myself? Yeah, I had to deal with myself in a different situation, and I got a whole new take on myself. So, doing things, making changes in the way you do things, is really good. Like, when you drive from one place to another, like from San Francisco to Berkeley, I think there's not much choices of which bridge you go over. But, you know, you could. You could say, well, I'm going to go over the San Mateo Bridge this time. So I think making changes is, the question is, what are you making the change for? Are you making the change as a work of art?

[62:19]

Or are you making a change to avoid difficulty? The change I made today was not to avoid difficulty. I knew I might have more trouble. You know, I actually thought, the thought crossed my mind, I thought, maybe sometimes at 4.15 in the afternoon, the roads just happen to be clear, and I'll just like zip over. I was kind of up for that. I thought that would be okay. Sometimes there is a highway patrolman that forces people off. Oh, right. And then that would be his job. Yeah, and then we'd see, can he do that all day long for months after months? Could he do that?

[63:21]

You know? And maybe he could. And that could be his art. You know, if he had done that, I would have welcomed him. I would have said, okay, I accept that you're not letting people do that. It's the motivation for the change that I'm talking about. You can make changes left and right, but what's the reason? Is it for your art? Is it for your creativity and freedom? Or is it to avoid challenges? You're the one who decides. That's why I'm indecisive. Once again? That's why I'm indecisive. That's why you're indecisive? Because... There's a lot of thought. There's a lot of what? Thought. Thought. Yeah. We are very thoughtful creatures. And I'm talking about a way to tap into that.

[64:22]

To ask myself, what am I coming to Berkeley for? Am I coming here to practice for the art of life? For the art of Zen? Is that why I'm coming here? Well, yes, that's why I come here. Now, after the class is over, is my practice over? Or am I going to practice on the way back too? On the way over I practiced, on the way back, am I going to do it too? How is it going to be on the way back? Well, actually, there might be a traffic jam on the Richmond Bridge. We'll see. But I'm not going to make a change, I'm not planning to make a change on the way home. I'm just going to go the usual way. And I intend to practice the things I'm talking about on the way back. But sometimes, like today, I made a change. I went to San Francisco to support my daughter, and I knew that that would change my way to Berkeley. And I was up for it.

[65:25]

And, yeah. Yes, Kim. Well, it's kind of the same thing as when you're sitting, or driving, like tonight, if it's clear sailing, you might not focus, or if it was me, I would probably not focus so well on myself. Because it would be clear sailing, and I would focus on kind of not paying attention. So, that's just the... Tips when things... Good night, Daniel. Tips when things aren't so hard. Well, be generous with not being challenged. Be generous with that. Like, on the way home, if you don't have difficult traffic,

[66:26]

practice generosity. Again, when I first started driving, before I got to the freeway, when I was out in the sunset, I keep getting confused. Is south of Golden Gate Park the sunset? So, coming from the sunset, at the beginning, I was actually going down Lincoln, and I was practicing generosity, and there were cabs in front of me, and I was practicing generosity, and it was not difficult to welcome the situation. Things were flowing, but I was practicing. It just wasn't difficult. It isn't always difficult to practice generosity. So, sometimes it's not hard. So, then you focus on practicing generosity, and sometimes, when it's not hard, it's not so... Sometimes when it's not so... Working with myself and being bored are very similar. So, again, you're driving along

[67:28]

and you're practicing generosity. After a while, generosity gets boring. So, how can I make generosity more entertaining? After a while, even moving along at high speed, or like 35 miles an hour in the city, or 65 on the highway, at a certain point, that can get boring too. Just you at the speed limit, and eventually, eventually, it'll get hard. But it's not always hard. Sometimes it's not hard. Yes, Emily? I have to be patient with my students, and I'm not really asking for advice, but how does one be patient with not making progress? How do you be patient with not making progress? How do you be generous to the process of teaching? Well, the way you practice patience,

[68:32]

you usually have to practice patience with some kind of discomfort, like hardship, and the other thing is just hot, like Sacramento weather. You guys can practice patience with the heat, right? Or with cold. That's one kind of patience. And then what you do is you try to be in the present with it. Try to be in the present. Try not to think about how long the heat's been going on, or how long it will go on. Give that up, and be in the present heat. If someone insults you, or is rude to you, that's a different type of pain. It's not a hardship. It's hurtful. Heat isn't exactly hurtful, it's just hard, or working hard. If somebody insults you, or is cruel to you, try to be in the present with the pain. The present with the pain.

[69:34]

Don't think about that they've done it before, or they'll do it in the future. Try to be in the present. That's the main way to practice patience, is to focus on being in the present. It doesn't take the pain away, it makes the pain bearable. If you practice this way, the proposal is, if you practice this patience, you will be able to bear any pain, without violently reacting. It isn't that you like it, it's that no pain can make you be cruel. You can get that good at it. This tradition says you can get that good at it. Would you say if you practice that way, it helps you prevent the pain from turning into suffering? He says, if you practice that way, would it help the pain

[70:35]

to turn into suffering? Prevent the pain from turning into suffering? Y-E-S. When you're enlightened, pain is not suffering. Pain is not pleasure. When you're enlightened, pain is not pleasure. Pain is pain. But there's no suffering. There's no wiggling. There's freedom and joy with the pain. In order to be enlightened, in order to be free and at peace, we must practice patience. You cannot make a Buddha without patience. You cannot make a Buddha without pain. Well, we've got pain, don't we? What we need is more patience.

[71:38]

All of us have got some. We need more and more. And the Buddha says that she really practiced at it and got really good at it. And we can get really good at it if we keep practicing it. And basically it just is, be in the present, learn to not wiggle away from it. And don't think about wiggling away from it. One of the ways to wiggle away from it is to think about how long it might go on, or how long it's been going on. And Zen practice is, we don't mean it to be painful, but Zen practice does train people when they're sitting a long time, they learn not to think about how much longer this period is going to go, or how much longer this retreat is going to go. They learn that that just makes it so much harder. Don't we? You mean, how can you,

[72:46]

well, first of all, how can you say welcome? How can you say thank you? Like that, you say welcome. Somebody is killing somebody, you might say thank you. The way you might do it is by saying that, or thinking it. Think, thank you. Thank you for what? Thank you for this opportunity to practice generosity. The person is already doing the cruel thing. That's happened already. Right? The cruelty has already happened, or is happening. So now, we've got cruelty, do we want more cruelty, or do we want now to complement the cruelty with love? Do you want cruelty and love, or just want cruelty plus cruelty? Do you want cruelty and respect, and compassion, and wisdom, and enlightenment, or just want cruelty and then cruelty? Which do you want? The Buddha saw people being cruel,

[73:49]

and the Buddha responded to the cruelty with compassion. Sometimes the people were snapped out of their cruelty when they saw the Buddha's compassion, sometimes they weren't. Sometimes the Buddha said to the people being cruel, I'm your friend, and they snapped out of it. Sometimes the Buddha said, I'm your friend, and they didn't snap out of it. But the Buddha always met cruelty with kindness, and converted cruel people. But not always immediately. But the thing is to bring love to cruelty, and the first aspect of love is to be generous. Not, I like what you're doing, and you might say to them, would you do me a favor? Would you please stop that? Would you stop doing that to that person? Or would you come over here for a second? I'd like to talk to you. You might do something like that, to convert the person to compassion.

[74:49]

Yes? That's what the Buddha sometimes was able to do. The Buddha saw the cruelty, was friendly to it, and then the person didn't believe it, and the person continued to try to do it, and then the Buddha did another thing, and stopped it. You know what I mean? The Buddha told this person, who was about to kill the Buddha, the Buddha said, I'm your friend, and he talked to him for quite a while, and the guy didn't believe him. So then he tried to kill the Buddha, and the Buddha just walked away. And the guy ran after him, and couldn't catch him. And the guy says, hey, why can't I catch you? And the Buddha said, because I stopped, and the guy snapped out of it. He stopped that person from being a murderer.

[75:55]

So, we actually not only want to stop, not just stop the cruelty, we want the person who's involved in cruelty to snap out of it, and be converted to kindness. Not just stop it at the moment, we want even more than that. We want this person to wake up from the dream of fear and violence that they're living in. We want that. And I aspire to that skill. But, obviously, I have to be patient with my current level. Thank you. I brought some copies of a new book that's been published. If you want to come, I will have some signed copies up here. So you have your homework assignment, sort of. Thank you very much.

[76:47]

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