Well, the first thing is, um, come on in. Come on in. Come in. Come in. I still have my shoes on. Take them off and come on in. Working? It's on. What is that? This one? Someone turned it off last night. Adam? Is Adam home? He left town. I didn't turn it off last night.

[01:04]

Somebody turned it off and turned off a number of buttons I'm not familiar with. Alan said actually just one button. So, I just gave you a little trivia to begin with. In the paper this morning, Michael Huffington came out as being gay. That was the first part. And the last part of the article, I'm not sure. Last night, during my talk, I was asked, what can you do for me?

[02:32]

What can we do for you? And this morning, I have an answer. And the answer is, I would like positive reinforcement instead of negative enforcement. I would like to hear them say, I'm glad to know that you're taking care of yourself. If you are. That's what would help me the most. I really felt a kind of pain in my chest when I left last night because I felt You know, you wouldn't have credited me with taking care of myself.

[03:34]

I swear that's true. I totally believe you. Thank you very much. Good. I would like to say I totally believe you are. I totally believe you. I'm sorry I wanted to call you out tonight, but I had to interrupt everything. I apologize. I think I probably left it there. I don't really feel too good about this. But if you want to go for a walk sometime, One of the three things.

[04:42]

Diet, exercise and rest. So that's what I've been doing. I'm kind of late because I... You're an inspiration. I took a good long walk today. Before coming down there, he saved money, and then he helped people with everything. Anyway, but... These are few, I mean, so-called guides in the city, and in property and job. I know, I mean, so... And because also, I'm not sure, being an oncologist, right, but the reason that I wasn't thinking about this problem as a heart problem was because I had had an arm problem, and I was treating it as an arm problem,

[06:10]

And I'd seen my doctor just the day before. And we talked about, or a few days before, we talked about it as, you know, taking some anti-inflammatory medicine. So, that's what I was thinking about when this was going on. That's why I didn't flag it as something else, until it was really extreme. But I was taking care of it. And I wasn't just having a question, my problem. So I just want to do that a little bit further. Since it's probably not possible to finish all of this, I'll just talk about some of these parts that I think are highlights of what Doug is talking about.

[07:33]

In section number 7, which is called, Those who long to leave the world and practice political I think leave the world is a good translation. Find emancipation, I think, is maybe better way to express that. Leave the world sounds like escape, right? Emancipation sounds like freedom. And I think that's what Darwin is expressing, one who longs for freedom. free from the sentiments of worldly people. So then, he talks about, again, about not depending on academic teaching, but practicing.

[08:40]

This is what keeps reinforcing it. In every section, it keeps reinforcing this. So then he comes to the part where he says, when you first enter the gate to study the Buddha way, listen to the teacher's instruction and practice accordingly. When you do that, there is something you should know. Dharma turns you, and you turn Dharma. When you turn Dharma, you are leading, and Dharma is following. On the other hand, when Dharma turns you, Dharma is meaning, and you are following. Buddhadharma originally has these two modes, but those who are not true hearers have never understood it, unless they are a patchwork of monks. He's talking to monks. You could scarcely have heard of it. Without knowing this key, you cannot yet judge how to study the Way. How could you determine the correct from the mistaken? Turning and being turned by the drama.

[09:48]

Turning the drama and being turned by the drama. Originally, I think this comes from the Six-Picture-Arts platform subject, where Flak-Type came to the Six-Picture-Arts platform. And he said, I've been studying the Dharma blossoms, I've heard it a thousand times, and know it by heart, but I still don't, can't quite grasp its meaning. I can't get its meaning. And, uh, there's something about the name Praptat, there's a play on words, but I can't really get it. The name is Praptat, which I think means something like good understanding, but your understanding is still upside down.

[11:03]

You are being turned around by the Lotus Sutra, instead of turning the Lotus Sutra. You are being turned around by the Lotus Sutra. The practice of having your head is turning you around. And every time you come around to the place where you should enter, you go back and you go past it. Honestly, there's still not two people. Our head is driving our practice. Our ideas are driving our practice. Our concepts about Buddhism are driving our practice. And every time you come around to what to do, You've missed the point. You've missed the game. Dougan, in his classical, in which he talks about this, he says, that Hokkei ten hokkei... Hokkei ten hokkei... Hokkei ten hokkei...

[12:11]

If dharma blossom turns dharma blossom, OK, then OK. Dogen quotes Huinan's words. When the mind is delivered, it is turned by the dharma blossom. When the mind is enlightened, it turns the dharma blossom. Then Dogen says, if you fully practice this, dharma blossom turns dharma blossom. Karma blossoms, trees of karma blossom. When one is too attached to the head, to learning, to concepts about karma and Buddhism, and not really depending on practice.

[13:13]

We get all these ideas about emptiness and form, and self and no-self, and these concepts, we try to apply them to our practice. When you start to apply these ideas to your practice, you get off. Then the dharma glasses turn weird. You have to realize that emptiness is not a graspable thing. You should not strive for emptiness in your practice, or in your dzazang. You should not strive to feel as if there's no self in dzazang. You just let go of all these ideas. These ideas follow understanding. But if you try to create some kind of practice based on that understanding of those ideas, then you're just creating more graded images.

[14:34]

Carving your own dragon, so to speak. Just carving your own dragon. And Stigner, he says, that's what most of you are doing, is carving your own dragon. And then, Jinxiu said to a monk, who was in a similar position, he says, you were turned around by the 24 hours, whereas I turned in the 24 hours, But Dharmakaya says to turn and be turned. It's not wrong to study the Lotus Sutra and to let the Lotus Sutra turn you, but you also have to turn the Lotus Sutra. In other words, you have to write the Sutra. Through your practice.

[15:37]

Each one of us, through our practice, is writing the Lotus Sutra. The Dharma Blossom Sutra. The Dharma Blossom Sutra is our practice. Then when we study, that's fine, because it's there for our practice. We have to try and chisel out some practice from an idea. It doesn't work. So practice is letting go. But it's also a vow. It's a...

[16:39]

Vow to any contention. So contention is something very positive that leads you and should be there in all of your activity and should be there in every moment of zazen. At the same time, letting go is also there in every moment of zazen. These are the two aspects, the positive and the negative, so to speak. The plus and the minus have to be there, both have to be there. The plus connects with the minus and the minus connects with the plus, and that makes your practice go around. So sometimes we think, well, I just won't go there again.

[17:57]

I just, you know, won't strive to do anything. Sometimes we have this idea of non-striving. But non-striving doesn't mean that you don't strive. You should, especially when you begin to practice, you should strive as hard as you can. And within that striving is letting go. It's not like you take away striving and you have let go. To put all of your, to be totally present, your whole body and mind, turn into dharma. And then the dharma turns you. He has transformed into one consecutive. No self doesn't mean that there's nothing there.

[19:30]

It's just that what is there is no self. And then at the end, Darwin said something very similar. In the last section he says, immediately hitting the mind. Or sitting down right here. There are two ways to penetrate body and mind.

[20:33]

Studying with a teacher, to hear the teaching, and devotedly sitting zazen. Listening to the teaching opens up your conscious mind, while sitting zazen is concerned with practice enlightenment. Therefore, if you neglect either of these when entering the Buddha way, it's hard to hit the mark. Everyone has a body and mind. OK, who is this everyone? Someone said last night, or when you felt pain or anxiety, who was feeling that? Everyone has a body and mind. In activity and appearance, its function is neither leading or following. high or low and this is courageous or cowardly but I would say high-spirited or low-spirited high-spirited or low-spirited to realize Buddha immediately this body and mind is to hit the mark to realize Buddha immediately with this body and mind is to hit the mark

[22:06]

without changing their usual body and mind, just to follow Buddha's realization is called immediate. It's called hitting the mark. So, it doesn't mean that we should get rid of the body and mind in order to understand or experience no mind or no self. One has to experience no self with the self. One has to experience no mind with this mind. Drawing on mind, body and mind. Dropping body and mind means to be one with body and mind. This is what's othering us. We can't get rid of the body and mind. While we're here, We have to take care of this body and mind. Become one with this body and mind.

[23:08]

Live life fully, moment by moment. This is Dogon's understanding of Buddhadharma. On each moment, to be totally one with nativity. Not escaping, but facing life and death on each moment. birth and death happen momentarily. That's hitting the mark. Just, are we dead or alive? Somebody said, we're all dead. That's true. Because we are alive, we're dead. And because we're dead, we're alive. There's nothing to avoid. Then he says, to follow Buddha completely means you do not have your old ways.

[24:22]

Old ways means half-faith opinions, one-sided opinions. To hit the mark completely means to have no new nest. in which to settle. So this is called home leaving. It doesn't mean you have to go somewhere. It just means there's no place to settle except here. Right here in this bottom of your mind. What is this fire, man? What is birth and death?

[25:25]

And that gave some answers. Talks about Mu. A monk asked Zhaozhou, does a dog have the Buddha nature or not? Zhaozhou replied, Mu. I said, Wu. Beyond this word, Wu, can you measure anything or grasp anything? There is entirely nothing to hold on to. Please try releasing your hold, and releasing your hold, observe. What is body and mind? What is conduct? What is birth and death? What is Buddhadharma? What are the laws of the world? What, in the end, are mountains, rivers, human beings, animals, and houses? When you observe thoroughly, it follows that the two aspects of motion and stillness do not arise at all. Though motion and stillness do not arise, things are not fixed.

[26:29]

People do not realize this. Those who lose track of it are many. You who study the way will come to awakening in the course of study. Even when you complete the way, you should not stop. He said, this is my prayer indeed. Motion and stillness do not arise. When you get to the bottom of Zazen, you will experience this, that motion and stillness do not arise. Even though motion and stillness do not arise, it does not mean that things are fixed. There is still motion and there is still stillness. They simply do not arise.

[27:32]

When you get to the bottom of motion, you'll find stillness. When you get to the bottom of stillness, you'll find motion. When you get to the bottom of the stillness of the exogenous, you'll find there's nothing more than a true dynamic activity. When you get to the bottom of your true dynamic activity, you'll find that it's nothing but stillness. It's not something to worry about.

[28:45]

There are two kinds of anxiety. One is about events in our life. And the other is about birth and death. The basic problem. What is birth and death? Nothing that is proper. Dead or alive? I don't know what to say.

[29:50]

Dead. Dead or gone? And in the talks this week, which was quite nice, among the epitome of convinced faith came up words, just don't cling, and just don't defile. And Marx's quote, something like, when with a mind of broken death you can try to do something, everything is defiled. If you want to know what the way is, ordinary mind

[30:54]

is the way. So if the mind is birth and death and tribals, I wonder what that is, how that is different from the ordinary mind. In other words, when is intention or vow or effort not tribals? We have to define the word. It depends on whether you've got the word ordinary. Ordinarily means non-dual. That's ordinary mind. Ordinary mind is the mind of enlightenment. That's not our usual mind. Our usual mind is the mind of duality and discrimination. and birth and death.

[31:56]

Domality means dividing into birth and death. Ordinary mind means the oneness of birth and death. Logically, you can describe and see that there is actually no birth and death. You can describe logically the process in which you can see there is no birth and death. The only reason that we talk about birth and death is because it pertains to me. But when you look at a flower, you don't necessarily think about it in terms of birth and death. The flower grows up and you see the process and then the flower takes out its seeds and compasses, tasks, and faith, and do them to each other's aim.

[33:03]

You don't see it, you can call it breaking death, but it's the process which is continuously moving. elements of a human being or of anything are continually combining and recombining and producing according to a thought. So, each one of us is a continuation of the whole human race. And even when there is no more human race, this life itself. So what is it that you relate to? It's yourself. What is myself? Is it just this body, mind? Consciousness? If you see yourself as universal activity,

[34:08]

can realize that there's no birth and death. The only birth and death is the birth and death of my self or my ego. That's what is born inside. The rest is just transformation of elements. But we become very attached to these elements and these forms. And that's okay. But we should think of them. We should appreciate them, promote them, love them, but not too much. What we love is life itself. I remember one time, when I was very young, and I was about six, My grandfather was still alive.

[35:17]

And I said to him, you know, I love bananas. And he said, you don't love bananas, you should only love your mother and father. And I really regretted that. Because I thought, I can love my mother and father and I can love the bananas too. I can't see you back there. Let's find this person. It's Linda. Linda, hi. Hi. My rational mind understands about not playing, but I found myself really offended by this. I'm pushing it away, I'm holding it away, I'm grasping it and trying to keep it over there.

[36:19]

And when I'm in that state, which, when I really look, an awful lot of the time, I can't see how to get from there to letting go, because in that state of mind, letting go is sort of like hacking this arm away. It's like, it's just... Right. Let go without trying to let go. Letting go means opening up. Doesn't mean trying to get rid of something. It simply means to be open and spacious. Letting go means to be open and spacious. And to allow yourself to encompass everything. That's what letting go is. Big mind. Letting go means allowing big mind to dominate and small mind is narrow and non-inclusive.

[37:22]

So then you can simply open it up and learn, including what comes. That's the key. That's the key to Tathagata. As long as you remain narrow, as long as you think you have limits, then you have So the key to self is, what am I protecting? And then try and find that part that you're protecting. See what you can find. Yesterday, you said, I think you said, the most important thing you can do in your life is prepare for your physical death.

[38:33]

Is that true? I don't know if I said it that way. Well, that's what it sounded like to me. You said... I didn't say that. Well, maybe that's not what you meant. Well, they didn't prepare in a way that, you know, there are two types of preparation. One is a monk has no possessions except a little carrying box and in the box is a sutra and enough money for their burial or for their funeral. That's kind of preparation. You should always carry enough money for your funeral so that we won't be burdened on people when you die. Practice? Yes, it is preparing to die. That's right.

[39:36]

That's what I want to understand. If you don't prepare for it, you're going to have to let go anyway. You're going to be terrified. But the question is, so what? What's wrong with being terrified for a little while? Why is it so important? Whatever works. It will work for all of us either way. Yeah, that's right. It's not a matter of whether you're terrified or not. It's a matter of how you live your life in reality. And if you understand, or have an understanding of death. It determines how to live your life. So, when I eventually get to a certain age, right, I realize, hey, I'm 50 or 60 years, you know, earlier, and I'm going the other way now.

[40:39]

Before you get to a certain age, you think you're going up. And then you get there and you think, oh, now I'm going down. You think you're immortalized to this point, right? And you're probably going to be sunk. And you're looking at where is that going? It's different. It's different. And a lot of people just give up. And they don't know what to do. It's like retirement. Retirement is a very difficult place to be. because you've lived your life according to a certain rhythm and so forth, and then you think you're going to have a good time, but you're not going to do that anymore. And then when you do that, you realize that not everybody, but many people, they no longer have a rhythm to their life. They don't know what to do, and they're just going to die, just sitting out that way. And they don't know how to handle themselves, or what their life is about. some kind of life crisis.

[41:43]

So, to know and think about and try to understand what the meaning of the birth and death of us is important. Most of the life is not for death. It's for life. It's for life, that's right. Because after you die, you don't have to worry about it anymore. It's about how to live your life. That's all it's about. This is the place where we live our life. The other place is where we live our death. You know? And with that within, this life is both life and death. How do you explain it? Not like there are two things. There are two sides of the moon. The dark side and the light side. But the moon is round. What do you think of the idea that Christians talk about life being preparation for afterlife?

[42:49]

Yes. But what do you think about the idea of when you're dead, that you just have to start practicing in the realm of the dead? Whatever that is. The giver's dead mind. Well, you can think in terms of life, and you can think in terms of death. in many ways. I remember once I was walking in a park in San Francisco and I met an elderly woman and she started talking and she said, you know, Christianity is just a fairy tale. Heaven and hell and all that. And that always stuck with me. I would think of that from time to time. Fairy tales. And really, most religions are fairytales. But that's okay. The people who believe in the fairytales, they watch them.

[43:56]

We try to get to the truth and the reality. Buddhism tries to get to the truth and reality. But Buddhism has its own fairytale. And Buddhism's fairytale is that we keep being reborn. And in many different ways it's expressed. But there is a logic to it. The logic is that energy doesn't get lost and species keep reproducing to find that there is a circularity to life. Maybe basically there's a circularity to life instead of just this And there are heavens and hells and mythology, you know, but there's still a basic sanity, a reasonable reason, which is the circularity of energy. And a lot of fairy tales are built on that circularity of energy. But if you just look at the circularity of energy, I think that there's some real truth in that, and that can be carried

[45:04]

I've studied in many ways. Continuously studied. Anyway. For people who believe in fairytales, it's fine as long as you're not trying to make everybody else believe in fairytales. It gives you comfort in your life. You don't believe there's a heaven. And many people have been tempted that way. So I don't criticize those fairytales. I mean, if you want to believe them, go ahead. If it makes you feel comfortable about your life. Dale? Is it a fairy tale? Is it a genetic Zen master? Is it the hour of the step? Or is it hitting the mark? I think that some Zen masters Definitely in your life.

[46:15]

Being so aware of what's going on in your life and facing it squarely and not being afraid. Or if there is fear, not being dominated by the fear. I think Suzuki Roshi, I know Suzuki Roshi chose the time of his death. He hadn't taken a bath for three months. Or three weeks. That's a long time. And it was the night before Sashim. And he said, I want to take a bath now. He took a bath, and he told me to get up. Went back to bed, and in two weeks he stood up. I can't think he would have done it if he hadn't been in front of me. And the first period of session he had gotten. And then all we could do was sit seven days.

[47:16]

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