Sashimi. Our effort in Sashin is to fully engage body and mind in non-dualistic activity. That is, to become one with our Self, one with our true Self, and with all existence. Not to become, but to express our true state.

[01:20]

So, how do we unify body and mind? How do we express this totality? Today I want to discuss part of a fascicle by Dogen called Zazen Quan or Zazen Mind. where Dogen talks about how to think in zazen.

[02:35]

There's a very famous story, not story, but quote from Yaka-san or Yue-shan. where a monk asks Yueshan, what are you doing? What are you thinking about when you, what do you think while you're sitting there doing zazen? And Yueshan says, I think not thinking. The monk says, how do you think not thinking? Yueshan says, non-thinking. After sitting, a monk asked Great Master Yueshan, what are you thinking of in the immobile state of sitting?

[03:55]

The master replied, I think of not thinking. The monk asked, how can one think of not thinking? The master replied, by non-thinking. This, having been confirmed as the great teacher's saying, we should study immobile sitting and transmit it correctly. Herein lies a thorough investigation of immobile sitting handed down in the Buddha way. Although thoughts on the immobile state of sitting are not limited to a single person, Yoishan's saying is the very best. Namely, thinking is not thinking. Sometimes, Thinking is the skin, flesh, bones, marrow of zazen. Sometimes not thinking is the skin, flesh, bones, marrow of zazen. The monk said, not thinking is the how's thinking. Not thinking, though indeed time honored, is newly restated as the how's thinking.

[05:06]

Isn't there thinking in the immobile state of sitting? When we advance in the immobile state of sitting, how can this fail to be known? Unless one is a short-sighted fool, one should have the capacity to inquire about and reflect on the immobile state of sitting. The great teacher said, by non-thinking. Although it is quite evident that we employ this non-thinking in zazen, we always use non-thinking in order to think of not thinking. In non-thinking, there is the who. And this who upholds the self, who thinks of not thinking. Even though it is the self which sits in an immobile state, the self has to do not only with thinking, in addition, it takes up the immobile state of sitting itself. If this immobile state of sitting is nothing but the immobile state of sitting, how can it think of itself as its object? For this reason, the immobile state of sitting is neither the Buddha measure nor the Dharma measure, neither the measure of enlightenment nor the measure of understanding.

[06:20]

We should know that the time-honored method of investigation in the study of the way is to do zazen and enact the way. The principle to emulate is that of the enactment Buddha who does not seek to become a Buddha. The enactment Buddha, because she, he, never becomes a Buddha, is thus the realization koan. In his, her corporeal existence as Buddha, she, he, never becomes a Buddha. Once all nets and cages are broken through, the sitting Buddha no longer hinters actualizing a Buddha. At that very moment, she-he is, from time immemorial, intrinsically possessed of the power to enter the world of Buddhists and the world of demons alike, advancing and retreating. She-he has the capacity to fill in watercourses and moats. This is just part of Tsa Tsen Chin. It may sound a little confusing. We think in terms of is and isn't, is and is not, and thinking and not thinking.

[07:39]

So, think not thinking is the koan of zazen. We don't say in our zazen, am I thinking or not thinking? But actually, thinking and not thinking is constantly the koan. whether we realize it or not, or whether we say anything about it or not. This is the koan of Zazen. Think not thinking. How does one think not thinking? Non-thinking. But is non-thinking the same as not thinking? Or is it different? Thinking Not thinking and non-thinking. Thinking and not thinking are kind of opposites when either you think or you don't think.

[08:44]

But when do you non-think? When we Sometimes in meditation practice, people are taught to stop all thinking. And then the mind becomes blank. And when the mind becomes blank, then there's unity. Or that thinking is a hindrance, actually, meditation. And people often, in meditation practice, try to eliminate their thoughts.

[09:47]

But if you try to eliminate thoughts, the thought of eliminating thoughts is itself a thought. If you desire to eliminate desire, the desire to eliminate desire is already in itself a desire. Thinking, mind, is constantly moving. Mind is constantly moving. So how does one deal with a moving mind? in meditation. When we sit, we say, just pay attention to posture and breathing. But even though we say so, when we sit down to do zazen, the mind suddenly is flooded with thoughts.

[11:03]

No matter how hard you try to eliminate thoughts from the mind, the mind is always producing thoughts. Whose thoughts are these? Do we produce them out of volition or do they just arise? And what's wrong with thoughts anyway? Well, what's wrong with thoughts is that when we intend to do something, then we want to do it. If we intend to sit, just paying attention to posture and breathing, then the thoughts that we have that come up in the mind are not the thoughts of posture and breathing. How do we do something that we want to do when there's always something interfering with what we want to do?

[12:17]

In this world, whenever we want to do something, most of the time there's something interfering with what we want to do. So how do we take care of what's interfering with what we want to do? If it's noisy, we can close the doors. But eventually, we have to open the doors again. You know, we try to control the world around us in order for everything to be calm or in order for our world to be manageable. We're always, our effort is to manage our world. And in managing our world, we want everything around us to be in harmony. But how do we, as soon as we start to make everything

[13:29]

harmonious over here, it starts to break up over here. And then we put out the fire over there, and then there's a fire over here. So we're always trying to calm things down, make it work. But as soon as we make it work, something comes along and tears it up. So How do we take care of, how can we be at peace in our life, calm in our life? Since whatever we try to do, the opposite comes along and destroys it. If we want to live, no matter how much we want to live, death comes along and takes it away. All the other problems are part of this problem, variations of this problem.

[14:42]

So if we want to sit peacefully, how do we sit peacefully when what we want to do is not have any interference. Sitting peacefully means no interference. If we want peace of mind, how do we have peace of mind? Peace of mind means no interference. As long as there's no interference, then I can have peace of mind. It's pretty easy. This doesn't work. We try, we make our big effort to have peace of mind, but it doesn't work. In the same way, how can we get comfortable?

[15:57]

No matter how much we try to get comfortable, as soon as we get comfortable, we start getting uncomfortable. You sit down in a nice cushion, very comfortable, to get uncomfortable and then you have to change to some other way. So we're always changing our cushions or whatever it is. We can only stand up for so long and then we have to sit down. We can only sit down for so long and then we have to stand up. So this is our dualistic world, the world of good and bad, thinking and not thinking, pleasure and pain. This zazen is called the comfortable way.

[17:02]

Dogen says, this is the comfortable way. And it's true. But, how do you find the comfortable way? We're always looking for the comfortable way. Everybody in the world is looking for the comfortable way. One way or another. And Duggan says, this is really the comfortable way. And yet, it's nothing but pain from one end to the other. So, in the same way, how do we make our body comfortable? And then, how do we make our mind comfortable? If the mind is comfortable, the body will be comfortable. If the body is comfortable, the mind will be comfortable. How do we get comfortable? It's like charging up a hill, you know, and never quite making it to the top, over and over again, until finally you have to sit down and say, this just doesn't work.

[18:28]

So when we come to Sachine for the first time, we realize that no matter how much we try to get comfortable, we just can't get comfortable. The more we try to get comfortable, the more it hurts. So when we try to do something, one way, the opposite also is there. If we try to be good, bad shows up. We try to be angels, the devil faces us. So this is our life in the dualistic world. If we want to be comfortable physically, then we just have to accept whatever is there. The only way to really be, to find true comfort, is to just be at ease with whatever is happening.

[19:35]

Which is very difficult. But, you know, when we sit Sachine, we get completely broken down. We charge up that hill, but in the end we get completely defeated. Just completely. I mean, there's no way that we can make it. So, then we have to start from zero. And when we're completely defeated, when we realize there's no way out, then we can actually start to sit zazen. You know, this is not just with beginning students. Every time we sit sasheen, each one of us, no matter how many times we've sat sasheen over 20 years, still it's the first time.

[20:42]

And we have to go through, to some extent, the defeat of our ego. And then we can sit comfortably. When our ego is squashed or diffused, then we can sit comfortably. Because there's no difference between pleasure and pain. We can accept everything equally. there may be some problem, but it's not an insurmountable problem. Pain and pleasure are usually... I mean, pain and suffering are usually identified with each other, associated with each other.

[21:45]

But pain is pain and suffering is suffering. And it's important to see them not as necessarily the same. Pain is just pain. It means discomfort. So when we come to the bottom of our life, then we can sit comfortably in pleasure or in pain or in suffering. say that? We say Buddha's way is the response to suffering. What Buddhism is about is a response to suffering. So Buddha is called the doctor who knows how to deal with suffering.

[22:57]

But our suffering is largely caused by not being able to agree with or accept our position in the world. And we go from pain to pleasure and back and forth, back and forth. And it never stops until we can just sit right in the middle of it without being moved. So a monk asked Yaksan, what do you think about when you're sitting there in Zazen? He says, I think not thinking. So how do you think not thinking? not thinking by non-thinking.

[24:06]

Non-thinking means to not be bothered by thinking or not thinking. It means that our thought is our activity. When we sit in zazen, our main thought or our Directed thought is the thought of sitting in zazen. That's a thought. It's not that there's no thinking, but the thought is exactly the same as the activity. So that the thought is not separate from the activity. When we sit, the body is not an object for the mind.

[25:18]

Usually, the things around us we see as objects for the mind. The mind as an object. Without an object, there's no thought. In order for there to be consciousness, there has to be, or awareness, there has to be an object and a perceptor and consciousness. And all three have to be present. Unless all three are present, then a thought does not arise. So the mind is always aware of objects, and self-consciousness is aware of itself as a subject. So our mind is always discriminating the subject, the object from the subject.

[26:26]

And this is the basis of our dualistic world. the duality in our mind. And as soon as the subject and the object merge, then there's no duality. So in zazen, the object and the subject are the same. The mind and body are not different. The thought and the activity are not two different things. So, thinking is the act itself. No separation between the thinking and the thinker, or the body and the mind. And yet, thoughts come up. In the midst of all this wonderful unity, thoughts come up.

[27:32]

some interference happens. Something is always interfering. So when thoughts come up, just let the mind think. Just let the mind think. But this is the Not, I am thinking. As soon as I am thinking, then there's duality again. Then the thought becomes an object for the mind. So, thoughts are continually coming, but they have nothing to do with what is happening. They have nothing to do with this moment, with this moment's activity.

[28:38]

We like to muse, but it's merely musing. We may think of something really important, but it's just a thought of something really important. That's all. We may think it's a thought of life and death, but it's only a thought of life and death. That's all. This is it right now. This is our life right now. It's important to think of the future and to reminisce about the past, but this is it right now. This is leaving our mind open for every possibility without having some idea about it. As soon as we have an idea about it, we're lost again in duality. Zazen mind is just open mind, completely wide open, with no viewpoint, no special viewpoint, just a round mirror that reflects everything that appears on the mirror.

[30:00]

The mirror just reflects whatever appears without interfering. As soon as it interferes, then it's no longer the round mirror. As soon as the mirror is bothered by what appears in front of it, it's no longer the mirror. Because we've become bothered, we lose our true mind, mirror mind. That's not to say that in our daily life we shouldn't take care of what comes up, but we have to understand our true face. If we want true then we have to accept our life just as it is.

[31:08]

It's hard to do. And it's so hard to do that we have to come to Sachine in order to experience that, because it's too hard otherwise. And little by little we begin to get it. We begin to realize that our ego keeps coming up all the time. Constantly coming up. In everything we do it comes up. Dividing our mind. So in Sashin, it takes a while to settle.

[32:21]

The first few days are difficult. We're still resisting, still fighting, still afraid, still frightened of pain, still recoiling. There's nothing to hold on to, so we have to hold on to ourself by being tense. So, but little by little, we break through and just let go. And when we let go, even though there's pain and thoughts and so forth, basic reality, which is great joy.

[33:28]

So now I'm thinking the oneness of the duality of thinking and not thinking. It's the non's thinking. Non is buddhanature. Let buddhanature think. Don't worry about it. Thinking or not thinking, it doesn't matter. Pain or pleasure, it doesn't matter. Trying to control everything doesn't work.

[34:53]

even though you clean the room thoroughly, really do a good job. And you sit down in the middle of the floor, and the sunlight comes through the window. And here's all this dust floating up in the sunlight. So, our effort should be to really bring our life force to this activity, totally function

[36:39]

both body and mind, totally functioning, fully functioning. And if we work too hard, then you get tired out. And if you don't work hard enough, you never get to the right level. So it's always a balance between working hard and letting go between effort and ease and always looking for that balance moment after moment. This is our effort and to be right in the center of our life. Otherwise, it's nothing but a painful experience.

[37:41]

Although, even though it's nothing but a painful experience, you've still experienced it, even though you don't know it. opening ourselves. Resistance just makes us suffer. So this is what we have to work with. And sometimes we think, My mind is so full of thoughts that I can't, I'm not really sitting zazen. But at the same time, the body is sitting zazen.

[38:45]

Don't worry about it. There's no way you can judge whether your zazen is good or bad. The main thing is the effort. If you have good effort, Sincere effort, that's the main thing. The rest is all scenery. So, zazen is just single-minded effort to do one thing completely. Just trying to do one thing completely. Completely means non-dualistically. complete. Be complete. Let's not divide ourselves. In order not to divide ourselves, we have to go with what's going on. As soon as we're divided, we're lost.

[39:52]

So when we fall off, just get back

[39:56]

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