to help, but it's still a sense of give and take. Look at Sensei in San Francisco. Well, we do, don't you? We did. Still, we do. What do you mean by resistance? Resistance? Well, resistance is not the real resistance. Resistance is, for Dogen, resistance is one of the Buddha's words. So, he knows resistance. But that resistance is not accepted in the usual sense. It is a part of Buddha's declaration. It's very workable. Workable. So basically, Dogen's life is very peaceful. Perfect peace. That is called compassion, we say. But our idea of compassion is coming from here.

[01:06]

Still in the sense of give and take. You understand? It's quite different from this. If you understand compassion in terms of this level, I think still compassion is the usual sense of kindness. So you don't know how to work on. So, give and take, you mean more like wanting reward or something, like something from the outside? In other words, internally or externally, we have an object. If you have an object, very naturally, the subject is there. So that's why there is a kind of business going in the realm of give and take. Alright? But this speech is beautiful give and take.

[02:09]

Beautiful business, you know. In the domain of give and take. That's why we believe it. But still, you cannot get real peace. Apparently, you seem to be at peace, but you never know what real peace is. But nobody says they are at real peace. Or nobody says, I'm not at real peace. But apparently, people pretend to be at peace. But basically, we are not at peace. If you don't practice this one, no peace. Okay.

[03:17]

Pretty good. Even understanding is pretty good. But next, you shouldn't be caught by your understanding. Dogen mentioned that understanding wisdom is to be caught by understanding. So it's not real wisdom. That is, we are always understanding this word, be, by wisdom. It means you understand wisdom. You understand enlightenment. But that means you are caught by your understanding. So you never get freedom. So you have to go once more again. You have to go once more again, ahead. Any other questions? Sometimes, in some Zen teachings, they talk about don't know mind.

[04:28]

Don't... Don't know mind. Is that a word? Is that sort of in C or B? What would you use that term to? It depends on the connotation. The connotation of the sentence. You must be careful. But we can say still, no mind, no eyes, no ears, in this level. Okay. But the point is, what is the real meaning of no mind, no eyes, no ears? Okay? In other words, how do you make it alive? Make the no eyes, no ears alive in everyday life? You have to see. You have to see very deeply the form of no mind, anyway. With your whole body and mind. If you stand up here, you can see.

[05:31]

So that's why next, in the next sentence, Dogen Zenji mentions, wisdom is form. Form is mountains and rivers. This is an interesting point. Next sentence, he mentions. So wisdom is form. Wisdom, anyway, comes down to this. At that time, this word, anyway, becomes bright mirror. And all things are reflected here. What is this? This is a form of mountains, form of rivers. Then, it means it's coming up from here. So that's why mountains and rivers are Buddha. You know what it sounds like? The saying is, mountains are mountains, mountains are not mountains, and mountains are mountains again. So the last one is sea again? That's what that means.

[06:33]

Coming up. Yesterday, you talked about spiritual confidence. Do you have to live in sea to have spiritual confidence? I think so. Otherwise, well, you can have. This one, from here. Not real, but probably, you know, you can still have spiritual confidence in this level. So don't worry. Look at the people, the religious people, you know. You can see. You know, what's his name? He went back to India. Rajneesh, you know. He's a very interesting guy. He's using the boss word, anyway.

[07:35]

I don't know freely, but he always stands up, you know, middle. Not here, middle. Using boss. He had lost his confidence? He seems, but I don't think so. Strictly speaking. But he, people say, he looks like walking in the, you know. Tony, do you remember? Walking in, what? Floating up. Floating. Floating when he walks. When he walks, he looks like floating. It's great, isn't it? Some people think it's good to be grounded. That's where people become crazy, you know. That religious spirit, religious feeling, it really makes people crazy.

[08:39]

Right? Because it's mundane. Is that, Roshi, what you think a lot of this spiritual stuff that happens today is? That it's in that mundane world? Not only today. Every ages. All ages, anyway. Spiritual life, always discussed. We are interested in the religious issue. At least I don't see that you don't smell of religion. Universal. Universal. Very universal. So you can be free from any sense of religion, any particular religion. Any sense of philosophy, but it's philosophy. It's philosophy and also it's religious, beyond religious.

[09:40]

But it's universal. So even though you don't use any term, you can really live. You can explain. But sometimes it's very difficult to explain without using an existing religious term. That's what we borrow, anyway. But if we borrow the particular religious term, we are completely caught by the concept. You're like Mother Teresa. What do you think she is? I know it. Mother always leaving me here. I'm not criticizing. Living here and glimpsing. Constantly glimpsing. And it's coming. It illuminates her life. Illuminate. Illuminate means here is the sea world. Illuminate the whole world.

[10:43]

A and B. That's why she is very strong and pray. Prayer to this. How should she change her life? Not necessary to change. She just continue to this way. Because it's very difficult to change. If you have this particular position in a religious thing, it's very difficult to change. Stubborn. People become stubborn. Probably one day. She already has that experience.

[11:47]

That is a little delicate. Subtle differences. Even though you say oneness. What is the real oneness? If she becomes, or she or you, all of you become exactly one with the sea. Why we have to continually emphasize the particular term? So-called divinity, or Avalokiteshvara, or Buddha, or God. It's not necessary to say so much. Your life is exactly sea life. So, you just anyway helping concentrate. When you have to teach, you can teach. But in our everyday life, just life. But that is a very subtle difference here. If I say so, it seems to be arguing.

[12:51]

Not arguing exactly for me. But that is a subtle difference. Like the dog and the shinran. It's very difficult to understand the subtle difference between. So, I think even in Christianity, or even in the sin school, I think you can live in peace and harmony. It depends on the intention. How much, how strong it is. How powerful it is. To bring it, to see continually this one. Just to grips and forget next, it's not strong intention. You have to continue to grips.

[13:53]

Watch this one. And then that is simultaneously bring the sea into her or his life. That is really strong belief. Faith. Do you understand? So, the amount of sea they would get would depend on the quality of their practice? Quality of? Of their practice, if their intention practice. Yes, quality of intention. Intention. Guru-sangha, can you think of any people that are at sea? I mean... Himself. You know, people. Could you point to anybody right now who really lives like Dogan lived? Would you say? I don't know. I mean, like Zen teachers that you...

[14:57]

Well, at least anyway, the people who practice and study Dogan's teaching, I think, not everyone, but some understand very deeply like that. They practice that way. They practice that way. Well, sure. Go ahead. You stand up and see. Do you have any feeling of having anything special? I have. He has lots of feeling. That's why Genghis Khan, he says, nevertheless. Nevertheless, flower blooms with attachment. Do you remember?

[16:01]

The world is complete beyond being or non-being. Anyway, not being. Complete beyond. This is this world. But, nevertheless, he said, flower blooms with attachment. With, grows. With, you know, gradually. Something like that. He can know. He can feel very deeply. More than anybody else. Very deeply. Because it is. Flower blooms with attachment. It's not the usual attachment. This is Buddha's attachment. Buddha's life. So, whatever it is. In the Buddha, the Dogon really gives deep sympathy to flower's weeds. Very deep. But, he himself does not feel special. He doesn't feel special.

[17:03]

No, practically speaking, it's very simple. Simple. Of course, he feels. But, he doesn't stay long. Of course, he feels. But, one of the parts of the process. Religious process. Sometimes, you have to experience that. Completely, no feelings. This process, you can go through. But, when you come back here. And, go back to this A and B world. Then, that is. You can feel lots of things. Very deeply. And, you just deal with it. Coming out of brightness. You hit the brightness. Something. Is the Avatamsaka Sutra.

[18:17]

Is that a sutra that describes C? Avatamsaka Sutra mentions about this world. But, it's still philosophy. Philosophy. So, it's really in the realm of B. Talking about C. Talking about C. And, looking at this world. And, talking about A and B. In terms of C. That Avatamsaka. But, it's still philosophy. He doesn't know. The Avatamsaka Sutra doesn't know. How to let the people live here. And, practice. He doesn't. Avatamsaka Sutra doesn't say. Of course, in a sense. The Avatamsaka Sutra mentions. About the practice of Buddha way. In terms of Avatamsaka teaching. But, still it is philosophy. Philosophical. It's philosophical. But, it's very practical. Very practical.

[19:17]

Very simple practice anyway. That's why it is too simple to know. To believe. Lots of questions coming up. It is. It is too truth. Too truth to know. I have to admit. I am skeptical. About being able to. Exist as a human being. Attached to human form. And, to actually. Dwell and see. It seems like. The best that can be done. Would be to relatively. Be close to see. But, still. I am stuck with this. Attachment. All of the. Consciousness that goes with it. And, I am skeptical.

[20:20]

Yes, skeptical. But, the more you are skeptical. The more that means. The more you can see this world. That's fine. You are skeptical more and more. And, then finally you can see both. Because. This world is already exist. Oh, yes. So, you can see the both. I can. Move with your train of thought. And, understand that. But, I still feel like. Even in doing that. I am still. Moving in a mundane realm. Sure, that's true. Rather than. That's why we have to. Push ourselves to practice anyway. Looking at the ancestors. Even though we don't like it. We have to push ourselves. To practice. In order to practice samadhi. In order to stay in samadhi. Sea world. I mentioned.

[21:40]

For sure. There is strength to live. Joy to be allowed to live. Okay. But, this is still delusion. Delusion. You must be free from strength and joy. And, then. You can really get joy and strength. That is. You have to come back here. And, then. If you come back here. Then, you can go. Once more again. To. You can. Participate. In A and B world. Okay. So, people in sea can go to A for a good dinner. And, back to sea. For him. It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. It depends on the people who look at you. Okay. That's it.

[22:41]

People look at you. And, judge. Evaluate. Thinking. In that way. Oh, he enjoys the dinner. That's it. But, he just eat dinner. That's it. Then, sometimes. Consciousness. One consciousness. Coming up. Blinking. You know. Yellow. Then. Oh. And, enjoy. That's it. Next moment. Light. Light. Flashing light. Coming up. Oh. I shouldn't forget. I shouldn't attach to it. You know. Just eat. It's not a robot. Many feelings coming up. But, as a whole. His life. His life. So-called eating dinner. Is just eating dinner. Then, if somebody from the outside. Then, if people feel that. You know. He is enjoy. He is not enjoy. But, it is. It depends on everyone.

[23:42]

Actually, he doesn't care. Just like a frog. Yes. That is real emptiness. But, still you can experience emptiness here. Yes. How are you convinced that Dogen is actually in C instead of right close to the edge there? Actually, no edge. No edge. No edge. Of course.

[24:48]

Good. How can you erase the edge? Be somebody. Be somebody. Then, the edge is erased. Now, I can think that now Dogen is in C. But, when he was writing the Shogo Genzo, I think he was in the other realm. Sure. But, he is talking about this world from here. Not from here. That's why his word is very bright. Sharp. And, very simple. No extra word. His word is not everyday word. I said the other day, ground word. He uses very ground word. That's why it's pretty hard to understand for us. That's why even this Wanshi Zen Master, this poem is very difficult to understand.

[25:55]

That's why Dogen Zenjin commented on this and then helped us to understand more deeply. Wanshi Zenji's poem. Then, finally, he made another poem. That is the conclusion of his commentary on Wanshi Zenji's poem. So, not the difference. Same meaning. But, his poem, his commentary, really helped us to understand Wanshi Zenji's teaching in a very deep sense. Very deep sense. That's why Dogen Zenji mentioned in the last, we should understand his poem like this. Like his commentary and his poem. Then, if you look at the box, you can see this kind of word.

[26:59]

But, without this explanation of this word, it's very difficult to understand that one. That's why I mentioned today this word. When there are koans in the Blue Cliff Record, when you lecture on those and you say things like, the truth can't be spoken, and always there are these actions that people can't say what the truth is, is that because it's C? Uh-huh. C itself. C is not that which it is utterable. But, that which it is going to say.

[28:01]

According to Dogen, ken toku, ken means to see. Toku means attain. So, attain C means with the whole body and mind, we have to, anyway, see it. See. Instead of utter something, explain, say something about it in words, anyway, we have to see with the whole body and mind. That is ken toku. So, C word is not something you can explain, but something to be allowed to see. That is Samadhi. So then, Dogen's consciousness, aside from concept in the form of words, was maintained in C. Yes, maintained in C. But once he reduced it to writing, he moved into the realm of B.

[29:04]

Right. Is that it? B and A. Constantly. In and out. In and out. That's why it's complicated. That's why most people are very confused if they read Dogen's works. But, basically, he is always talking about A and B from here. For instance, not relating the two affairs is knowing. You know, something like that. Knowing is not something coming from a particular practice. But not relating two affairs is simultaneously knowing. So knowing and also not relating two affairs are not different.

[30:06]

Exactly. So, he comments like that. It means you have to put yourself in the proper place. It is a knowing. Because it's not usual knowing because you are allowed to know. If you put yourself in a certain place. So that is so-called not relating two affairs. It's simultaneously knowing. Is that clear? There aren't really no circles, are there? There aren't really no circles, are there? No. Then, you know, we express a universe with a circle. But that circle, because we have to use a certain space, you know.

[31:12]

Then we create a circle in order to express the universe. But the universe itself is a circle with no frame. There is no frame anyway. Yes. In the talk today, you could look at it as a good example of that sort of B-world. In the sense that we are looking towards the light. We are kind of working in the realm of wisdom and things that we can know. Like the chart, like the circle. So that we are working in the B-world. But actually there is also the C-world present even if we aren't really aware of it or attentive to it. But the C-world is always happening. So in a certain sense, even though we aren't thinking or speaking from the C-world, the C-world is still happening.

[32:15]

Yes. That's why I told you in the intimations always doubt. Whatever kind of doubt you have, always you doubt. Doubt is still going in the realm of C. Right. That's why people don't understand. That's why Dogen Zenji leads you to put this word first. That's why just sitting. Just sitting because this word is continually digesting. Even though you put a certain form, the form will dissolve. What do you mean? This is Samadhi. So all you have to do is just sit down. That's it. That's why people, Dogen Zenji mentions Shikantaza. Not necessary to bring anything particular in order to reach this way or in order to erase this world.

[33:22]

No, it is extra. Do you understand that one? That's why Dogen Zenji and the Buddha's ancestors put you here constantly. That is difficult we cannot accept because we don't understand it. Because we live always here, mundane. Is that clear? Yes. Yes, very easy. Very subtle. Right. That's why, yes, that's true. That's why guidance and ancestors and teaching is very important. And also, you have to do it. You have to practice and concentrate and contemplate and think deeply in any way you have to do it. Okay? What is that like in the Fuka, Zenji?

[34:24]

I think I understand it in two lines now. Yes, there are lots of things he mentions there. In terms of this sense, and then read once more Dogen's works, then you can see a little bit more clearly. Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

[36:01]

OM NUM DUR DO SVE GANG NGAT BU LUM DUR DUR DOR LUM DUR DUR SVE GANG NGAT BU TEN CHEN GYI DUN PAR NAM PAR BOS I VOW TO TAKE THEM THESE IRONS ARE INEXHAUSTIBLE I VOW TO DEFEND THEM BUT OUR ARMS ARE BOMBAROUS I VOW TO MASTER THEM LOVE THE SWIFT AND TESTFUL I VOW TO DEFEND

[37:06]

TEN CHEN GYI DUN PAR NAM PAR BOS TEN CHEN GYI DUN PAR NAM PAR BOS On the way out here, I wrote with some people. On the way out here today, I wrote with some people. How's that? I rode out here today with some people in a car.

[38:40]

How's that? Is it okay? I rode out to Green Gulch Farm today, in a car, with some people. How's that? Huh? Is that okay? And, one of them asked me how I was feeling, and I said, I'm feeling a little car sick. And, a little dull, but I think the people that I see at the lecture hall will wake me up. Yeah, I feel like I'm getting away.

[39:54]

I asked her, I asked the woman who asked me, I said, how are you feeling? And she said, amazingly terrible. Not that terrible, just amazingly terrible. So, maybe, maybe not, I don't know how many of you feel amazingly terrible today, or how many of you are car sick, but sometimes it's amazingly terrible. Some days are just like that, she said. And, there was a little girl in the car, and she said, I feel marvelously terrible.

[41:04]

How can we, how can we find this marvelous terribleness? Where is it? In the midst of all of our swirling, whirling, seed sickness, and car sickness, and etc., but where is the sweet music? The unique breeze of reality, the one breeze of reality, that reaches everywhere and everything, that reaches into our greatest suffering and confusion. Can you hear it?

[42:26]

Yes. Can you see it? One of the people who lives here, who you know, I think Norman Fisher, said the other day he was reading the Montaigne essays, and he said he ran into one place in the essays that he thought was really nice, where Montaigne says, we must learn to endure what we cannot avoid. Our lives are composed, like the harmony of the world, of contrary things.

[43:38]

Like tones that vary, harsh and sweet, sharp and flat, loud and soft. If a musician were to use only some of these things, what would she have? She must learn to use them together, and to blend them. The same is true of the good and evil of our lives. We must find a way to live with a mixture of them.

[44:52]

It's impossible to live without one or the other. Most of us, this is me talking, most of us, I think, feel okay about, might feel okay, I don't know about most of us, some of us might feel okay about living without evil. Maybe most of us wouldn't feel okay about living without good. But in fact, the way we're built is a mixture of these two, and the question is how to harmonize them. Montaigne goes on to say, to try to kick out some of these elements is the folly of

[46:01]

Sestaphone, who entered into a kicking contest with his mule. We can't beat our mind, and our mind includes all good and all evil. The question is, how to find the music of it, how to find the music of all of our actions, and the music and the song and the effects of all of our actions. One day, a long time ago, there was a famous poet in China, who was also a provincial governor.

[47:24]

And within his province, there lived a Zen teacher, who had a nickname, his nickname was Bird's Nest. He called him Bird's Nest because he meditated in a tree that had very tightly entangled branches. And he made a kind of nest in the branches where he sat in meditation. The governor poet went to see him, looked up and said, what a dangerous seat you have up there. And the Zen teacher said, yours looks far more dangerous to me. Am I speaking loudly in that show?

[48:27]

Am I fading? No. Feel free to let me know if I start fading. And the governor said, what do you mean? I'm the governor of this province, what could be dangerous about that? And the teacher said, when the passions burn, and the mind is unsteady, what could be more dangerous than that? The governor said, well, what is the teaching of Buddha?

[49:35]

And the Zen monk said, don't commit evil. Practice all good. Keep your heart pure. This is the teaching of the awakened one. The governor said, even a three-year-old child knows that. And the teacher said, although a three-year-old child knows it, even a person of 80 years

[50:46]

finds it difficult to practice it. So according to the teachings of Buddha, not only is this what I just said the teachings of Buddha, but also Buddha said, if you want to practice good, and if you want to be free of evil action, and keep your heart pure, you need to understand, which means to live, in accordance with your mind, what your mind really is. So what is the mind?

[51:49]

What's it like? Well, actually, it's not like anything. There's nothing for it to be like. It includes everything it could be like. It includes all comparisons, and all judgments. We all have access to a consciousness which includes all the images of the universe. But, because of our activities and our education, the way we understood, what people asked

[53:00]

us to do as we grew up, for endless lifetimes, we tend to avoid, try to avoid, part of this ocean of our consciousness. We tend to try to stay a little bit away from it. We hesitate to actually sink down into the totality of our mind. Somebody told us, many times, not to be aware of what's happening, and we went along with it. We thought we'd be safer if we stood on the ground, rather than up in a tree. Last night I listened to the Prairie Humpton Anthem, which is from where I grew up.

[54:22]

I hadn't listened to it for quite a while, but anyway, last night I listened to it, and what they talked about there could speak pretty well for me, that a little bit I remember I want to bring up. I guess first I'll bring up the story. He said something like, Life is a great banquet. No, no, he didn't say life. He said love. Love is a great banquet. But I think you can say the same thing. Life is a great banquet. It's not a light lunch. Now, although he didn't mention this, I think I should mention to you folks that in Minnesota

[55:52]

lunch means something different than it does in California. I grew up in Minnesota, but I didn't actually realize what lunch meant until I got the Minnesota Language System tapes. And in those tapes you can learn how to speak like people from Minnesota. They give you the proper accent and definitions of the words that they use, so that after two weeks of using these tapes, people will think that you've lived in Minnesota your whole life. Anyway, one of the lessons in this tape is the meaning of lunch. And lunch is a meal, a light meal, which happens two hours before or after dinner.

[56:57]

Dinner is the meal you have at noon, supper you have in the evening, and lunch is two hours before or after dinner. This is in Minnesota. So, when they say that life or love, same thing, life and love are the same thing. It's a banquet. It's not a light lunch. You can't nibble along the edges. You have to dive in. That's pretty much it. You have to dive in, and when you dive in, then you have to endure what happens. Not trying to control it, but be big enough for it.

[58:07]

You've got to have the data. You've got to have the full selection of materials of your life, of your love. You can't love on the edge. You can't love with control. You can't live with control. We do not have control. Once you've got the data, then your work starts. Actually, your work starts before the data. Your first work is to get the data, to open up big enough to get the information you need to create your symphony, to create your love. Just like you can't really love just these people over here, or these people over here. That's not love. That's not life. Life is to open up to everything. And all you've got to do to open up to everything is to dive right into it,

[59:09]

without saying anything, without making a deal beforehand. Of course we're afraid of this, because somehow we got the idea that we had an alternative. Who would want to open up to such a complex situation? Who would want to take on everything if you had a way out? I don't think anybody would unless they were already there. I think Whitehead said too, you know, the main danger in philosophy is in too limited a selection of data. That's the main danger. If you've got enough data, you'll know what to do with it.

[60:13]

Maybe you'll scream, maybe you'll cry, maybe you'll laugh. But what you do under the circumstances of having it all there, that's love, that's your life. It's not like you're supposed to do something special at that moment. Whatever you do will be right, because you'll be totally tied down by the total circumstances, and you'll be doing exactly, precisely the only thing you could possibly do, and you'll see it. That's love. But if you select, if you think you can select, and you cut out part of it, like if I don't like the people on this side of the room, and I only love the people on this side of the room, and I scream at them, well, that might not be right. I might be not very confident. But if I'm open to everybody, I know that I can't do otherwise.

[61:15]

I know by my complete openness, by my complete willingness not to be better than anybody, not to have the slightest distance above any creature on the planet, not to be better than any creature on the planet. If I want to be better than anybody, this is not fun living. This is trying to have a light lunch. Or maybe even a medium-sized lunch. But anyway, it's not the great banquet of light love. You know, well, I want to first tell you a story about a friend, and then I want to tell you something I feel myself, and a part of my queasiness about selection. First of all, I have this friend, this woman friend. She's got a baby. She's got a mother. She's got a father. She's got a stepfather who's married to her mother. She's a grown woman, and all her parents are really sick.

[62:28]

And she runs around the country taking care of them. They've got cancer and things like that. And so she spends all her time taking care of these people that she loves, and the people who she has this pain with and needs her help. And one day she said, When am I going to start living my own life? And then she said, Oh my God. Isn't that... And you know, when I give a talk on Zen and Buddhism,

[63:33]

I actually sometimes select among the things in my life to tell you about. I even sometimes use the word love because it kind of has Christian overtones, and I don't want any Christianity mixed up in my Buddhism. But God bless it. My Buddhism is contaminated by Christianity. I can't take the Christianity out because words like love, you know, the Christians are in there. I can't get them out. But I want to. I want to keep them. I want to give you a Buddhist lecture because I cannot qualify the lecture by Christianity, right? But why aren't I?

[64:33]

Who isn't? Actually I have a card that says I'm an Episcopal. So I feel myself this thing of selection, you know, that I'm supposed to talk about China and Japan, not about France and Jesus. Well, we all have this, you see. Or like I'm not supposed to tell you about the pubic hair that was right here when I sat down. It's not relevant, right? I just sort of flipped it over the edge there. Let's get this situation straightened out, okay? Let's clean up this place a little bit. What's wrong with that? Nothing's wrong with it. If you haven't closed your eyes to the mess in the first place,

[65:38]

it's okay to clean up messes. No problem. It's fun to clean up messes. But I'm suggesting that love is to clean up the biggest mess. That life is to work with the total mess. Of all the innumerable forms of suffering creatures. And you can say this is Zen if you want to. What I just said. But somebody might say, that's too Zen. Well, okay. Throw that mud on Zen. Contaminated with another religion. And then everybody gets confused. What's the difference between them? They must be different. Anyway, here I am sitting here in this Indian yogic posture.

[66:44]

My legs are crossed, all tangled up with each other for some reason. I'm sitting with my back straight. My stomach's relaxed. And I spend a good share of my life sitting in this posture. What's that got to do with all this love? What's that just got to do with the banquet? What's that got to do with it? Why do we sit? Why do we sit still? What did these forms of Zen practice have to do with this lecture I just... or whatever I just did? What's the connection? There's many ways to talk about it, but just to say as far as sitting still is exactly what I'm talking about.

[67:56]

Sitting still means that you say, whether your legs are crossed and your back is straight, or whether you're sitting in a chair, or taking a bath, or falling down on your face in the street, no matter where you are, your feeling, your faith is, this is my life. And also, this is life. It's here that I wake up, in this moment, not a better one, this is the only one I've got. And I will never move from this spot. Never ever, ever ever.

[69:08]

And I can feel myself, even now, shrinking away from this place, or grasping for a better one, or wishing to eliminate part of the day that's hovering around me right here. I can feel it now. But still, even though that's happening, I still am not going to move from this experience. I trust, I stand, I sit here. And again, I'm afraid to use the Christian expression, the courage to be. The courage to be, even including the courage to be somebody who's trying to become something. I'm willing to be somebody who's striving to improve the situation, I'm willing to be somebody who's shrinking away from the situation,

[70:15]

who's reaching out for something better. I'm willing to be that committed person. And to be that person so completely that I have not the slightest ability to judge myself as better or worse than anybody else, any other living creature. I have nothing left over to say I'm better than anybody or worse than anybody. And then I propose, if I can sit like that, and stand like that, and breathe like that, that's a pure heart. And that's doing good, and that's not committing evil.

[71:18]

And a child knows it, but an 80-year-old young has a hard time doing it. Here we sit right now, each of us. This moment is as good an opportunity to be awake as any other moment there ever was. And again the mind jumps up and says, Oh no, I think this one was a little better the last few years ago I had this. Or I'm in pain right now, and I think it would be a little easier for me to appreciate that teaching. I agree with the teaching, but I still think it would be a little easier to appreciate it if I had a little less pain. Not imprisoned by the past, not reaching for the future.

[72:27]

Someone said to me yesterday, a New Zen student, she said, I have a feeling that if I keep practicing, finally I'll come... She said it in a way I can hardly remember how she said it, but she said, The pain will stop enough so that I will be able to sit still. And I said, I think another way to say it would be the pain will change enough so that you will be able to sit still. When you first start sitting, you have pain usually like right over here in the right knee if you have pain. Or in the left hip. Or in the lower back. Or the upper back. Or in all those places. And when you have pain in a certain section of your body, it's not that you need to sit still.

[73:37]

But when your whole body is completely painful, and your pain changes from a little section of you, or part of you, to all of you, then you can sit still. Then you know you can't get away by going like this, because it's over here too. You can't get away by going like this, because it's up here too. You can't jump up because it's up there. You can't go down because it's underneath you. Everywhere you go, you're hemmed in completely by everything. You cannot move. You cannot move. That's why you cannot move. You don't have to work at sitting still. You already are sitting still. And yet there's a skill to it. And the more we try out alternatives, the more we try to escape over the years,

[74:43]

the more we realize there is no escape. That really we are living creatures, just like all the other suffering creatures we see all over the world. We're just like them. And we can't get away from them. And even if I can be happy for a moment, somebody else isn't. I can't be happy before everybody is happy. I can't escape from pain before everybody escapes from pain. Now I may wish, even though I know that I can't escape from pain before everybody else escapes from pain, I still might like to have the illusion of escaping from pain. It's a kind of little vacation from reality that I like to take now. But that's not life. That's a light lunch.

[75:53]

That's not love. That's not freedom. It's a kind of what we call a limited freedom. And when we get a little bit of freedom, a little bit of freedom, boy, we like it. So we tend to cling to a little bit of freedom, because a little bit is better than none, right? But we have to let go of a little bit of freedom. Because a little bit of freedom, holding on to a little bit of freedom, that's evil. That's what evil is. Evil is holding on to a little bit of freedom or a little bit of happiness. And good is to let go of that. Or anyway, accept that holding on to a little bit of freedom, that's what evil is. And you are an evil person when you do that. Or not even an evil person, that's just evil.

[76:58]

And remember, evil is to live backwards. Do you hear that in the back? Evil is live backwards. And every time we live backwards, that's evil. Every time we live part of our life, that's what evil is. That's the only kind of evil there is. Because our life includes all that kind of partial evil. Our life is an ocean of partial stories. Of little stories. Of little cleans, of little happinesses. And little freedoms. They're okay. We shouldn't try to avoid them.

[78:00]

We shouldn't try to kick those little cleans out of there either. Just let go of them. Let them be little cleans. Let them be little delusions. Let them be little evils. And open up to the world of our whole life, which includes all the little cleans, all the little happinesses, and all the little freedoms. Which are represented by all the little people we know. And all the little animals, and all the little trees. Don't try to kick any of those little evils out. Don't try to kick any of those little cleans to partial freedom out. Accept those cleans to partial freedom, for what they are. Cleans to partial freedom. Delusions. That's what they are. That's where Buddha lives. Buddha doesn't kick all those little partial cleans out. Buddha says, partial cleaning, partial cleaning, partial cleaning. I mean, cleaning to partial freedom. Cleaning to partial freedom. Quite understandable. If you're in pain, and you give a break, why not?

[79:02]

But, call it what it is. Taking a break from pain. Now that's okay. Take a break from pain, why not? Just don't cling to it. Or, if you cling to it, then you don't cling to that. Open up to it. This is called sitting still. If you sit still, this happens spontaneously. You don't have to work at it. Just the sitting still does this for you. And sitting still, nobody can really sit still, I mean. But you already are sitting still. So, sitting still is an active thing. Do you believe the Buddha's teaching, or not? Buddha says, everything is not moving. You and I can never pull off not moving. You could never do it. No Zen master has ever been able to do not moving.

[80:08]

No Zen master has ever been able to do Zazen. They never, ever once, even the greatest Buddha cannot do Zazen. The greatest Buddha is Zazen. The greatest Buddha cannot do not moving. The greatest Buddha is not moving. And all of us are not moving. Every moment we don't move. However, we change. And change is not movement. We happen, and then we go away. And we happen again. We don't move. This has already been taken care of by reality. We don't have to do a thing. All we have to do is believe it. With total plunging in to believing and not moving. And then, quite naturally, we stop selecting. We stop putting ourselves above the people.

[81:10]

We stop trying to kick out evil. And our big mind starts shining back on everything that happens and every creature we meet. The other day at breakfast my daughter said... My daughter didn't say anything actually. She was eating breakfast. And she was eating breakfast like a lot of 10 year old children eat breakfast. And also I think like a lot of 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 year old kids eat breakfast. That is, sort of slumped over with the head near, very near to the food. Slouching into the food. And so I said, please sit up.

[82:14]

And she said, it's a free country. I don't have to do anything. So I said, please don't sit up. Do you understand? You got the first joke, but you didn't get the second one. The second part is most important. In other words, no matter what you're doing, make what you're doing what you're doing. No matter what you're doing, please do it.

[83:18]

Please realize that you have chosen to do it. And you never do anything you don't choose to do. You create your life, but you're not in control of it. So give up control and create. That's called sitting still. Creation is an immovable mountain that is born and dies every moment. This is not sitting. This is sitting. This is life. This is love. This is Buddhism. This is Buddhism affected by Christianity. This is Christianity. This is nothing at all. It's just a bunch of talk. And it's not about anything.

[84:21]

I'm talking about that version. Anyway, I can say that I love you all. So I will. I love you all. It's the same as saying, I really want to live my life completely. Same thing. I can also say, I really want to sit still. It's a different way of saying that. Please, please sit still. It's a free country. Real free. May I?

[85:28]

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