Good afternoon. So this afternoon I'm going to talk on this book, Opening the Hand of Thought. How many people read this book? Wow, many. Good. How many people like this book? I'm glad. Okay. Well, I was ordained by Uchiyama Roshi in 1970, December 1970, so 35 years ago. And that was when I was still a university student.

[01:12]

And after I was ordained, I went back to Tokyo to finish the school. Actually, I wanted to quit, but he encouraged me to finish it and come back. So I finished. Anyway, while I was in Tokyo, I received a letter from him. So that was 1971. In his letter he wrote, he was writing a manual of Zazen for foreigners, I mean for Westerners. Because, you know, there are many, as I said this morning, many Westerners lived in the neighborhood of Antaiji and came to practice with us. and usually one third of Sesshin participants were Westerners. But since he didn't speak English or other Western language, he wished to explain what the meaning of Zazen practice was.

[02:29]

the original book as a main part of this book was so written in that time. The original book was of course written in Japanese and it was published in Japan, but from the time he wrote it he he wrote it for foreigners. So it's a kind of unusual book. You know, a Japanese teacher wrote the manual of the Zen for Westerners. Because there are many Zen texts, some are very old, some are contemporary. But... Japanese Zen teachers are not so much, how can I say, they don't have so much intention to teach or transmit the meaning of Zazen, particularly to Westerners.

[03:40]

He did this because I think he studied Western philosophy first. so he knows how to Western people think. And he wanted to present the teaching of Zen, that is an old tradition in the West, I mean in the East, want to present in the understanding, understandable way to Western people. That was kind of his vow to make, you know, often Zen is considered to be something Japanese or Eastern. And if you go to Japan and practice at a Zen monastery, you may meet someone who said, Zen cannot be understood by Westerners.

[04:43]

But Uchiyama didn't like that idea. If Zen has some truth common with all humanity, then it should be, or it can be, presented in a way Western people can understand. So that was his motivation to write this book. Actually, this book added more materials. The original book Uchiyama Roshi wrote was in this book from section 2 to section 7. The first section and the last section is an addition to when we made the previous version of Opening the Hand of Thought.

[05:59]

First, I'd like to talk about this title, Opening the Hand of Thought. This is my translation. of his expression, omoi no tebanashi, or atama no tebanashi. When I lived in Massachusetts, I tried to translate the last lecture he gave right before he retired from Antaiji. And that part, that translation of that lecture became the final section of this book, entitled The Way Seeker. That was my original translation. Of course, after that, I worked with Tom Wright and Jisho Warner edited.

[07:09]

but this was my original work. And the main part was done with both Tom Wright and myself. And the first section about Persimmon is a translation of Uchiyama Roshi's, not a lecture, but a talk to foreigners. at his house, it's not in temples, and Tom Wright translated it. So the first part is Tom Wright's work, and the major part is working together. And the last part was my work originally. Anyway, when I translated his last lecture, Usually this expression, omoi no tebanashi, is translated into English as, let go of thought.

[08:19]

And somehow I didn't like this English. It sounds too, how can I say, plain. So I made a literal translation of this, omoi no tebanashi. Omoi is thinking or thought, what's going on in our mind. And te is hand. And hanasu is to open or ungrasp. And whenever Uchiyama Roshi used this expression, omoi no tebanashi, he, in his lecture, he grasped his reading glass and he showed, you know, opened the hand, then the glass dropped off. And he said, this is dropping off body and mind. Whatever thought comes up and we are involved in thinking, we grasp that thing with the hand of thought.

[09:32]

And I think this is a reading glass. Or this is a book. Or this is shohak. Or that is something. And we not only but also we evaluate whether this is important or not important, or I like this or I don't like this, all those things. And of course, we cannot live without grasping things by our thought. That is what we do in our daily lives. But in our zazen, we need to let go, open our hand. That is what he meant. Open the hand of thought that grasps something. So I translated this expression, omoi no tebanashi, as very literally opening the

[10:48]

Hand of Thought. It's a very literal translation. And when I was working on that translation, Arthur Braberman, He published a few books, two of translations of Japanese Zen masters like Batsui Tokusho or Suzuki Shosan, and he wrote a book about Sawaki Roshi, Uchiyama Roshi, Kato Kozan Roshi, and Yokoyama Sodo. and one Japanese woman, Rei Zen teacher. Her name was Ikebe Motoko. And together with his experiences in Japan, and the title of the book was something like, Living and Dying in the Zen.

[11:49]

He went to Massachusetts together with us, and he moved to New York. So I went to New York to have a session with him once a month, I think. That was when I was working on this translation. So Arthur Blevavon was the first person who checked my translation, and he didn't like this expression. He said, this is not English. And that is true. But somehow I wanted to, I like this expression, so I wanted to keep it. And not only Arthur, Tom Wright also didn't like this. No American didn't like this.

[12:55]

So when I was working together with Tom Wright on translating the original book of Opening the Hand of Thought, he tried to eliminate this expression. But fortunately, or unfortunately, there's one woman who went to Japan from Minneapolis, one of Katagiri Roshi's students. came to sit with me in the small temple fair I lived at that time. She was the first American who liked this expression, opening the hand of thought. And she asked Tom Wright to leave this expression only a part of it, part of the book. And so we decided to leave this expression only the part I translated, that is the last part.

[14:01]

That was why this expression survived. But after, when Jisho Warner edited this book, and when it was published originally from Penguin, she choose this expression as the title of the book. So, she was the second American person who liked this expression. So, I hope you like this expression. We had a woman teacher here, Manny Scott, who used to use this expression, opening the hand of God with pleasure. Good. Not like this. Like this. Yeah, much stronger than Japanese, maybe.

[15:07]

Anyway, that's why the title of this book survived. So I appreciate two American women. Anyway, so this is what Uchiyama Roshi meant to let go of thought. That is what we do in our zazen. I'd like to talk on that section, you know, the section of Uchiyama Roshi's last lecture at Antaishi. Page 139. He retired from Antais March, no, end of February 1975. And before his retirement, he gave a lecture. And so that was his final lecture. That was a very cold day and it was snowing, but more than 100 people came to listen to his talk.

[16:33]

In that final talk, he talked about seven points of practice that he had been keeping in his mind while he was the Avotoban Taiji. After Sawakiroshi died, Uchamuroshi became the Avotoban Taiji. Actually, he didn't want to. I mean, when Sawakiroshi died, Uchiyama Roshi was planning to leave and live in a small place and continue to practice by himself. He had no desire to be a teacher. But because Antaji was a very poor temple, no priest wanted to be the abbot there.

[17:37]

priests around Antaiji, there are many Sotozen temples in Kyoto, and they were afraid that Antaiji become an empty temple again. So they asked Uchiyama Roshi to be the abbot for Antaiji. So he couldn't say no. But he said, I will be the abbot for only 10 years. Because of his physical condition. So he became the abbot in the year 1965, when Sawakiroshi died. And he was the abbot for 10 years until 1975. So he made a plan and he did it exactly as he planned. Anyway, during that 10 years, until... Sawakiroshi was a very well-known Zen teacher.

[18:46]

He was a professor of Komazawa University for more than 30 years. So almost all the, you know, Soto Zen priests were his students at the university. And he was traveling all over Japan, you know, in his entire life. So Sawakiroshi was very famous. But he was famous as a homeless kodo, means he didn't have his own monastery. And actually, by name, he was the Avoto of Antaiji, but he never lived at Antaiji. but he was always traveling all over Japan to teach. And someone from a publisher tried to find Sawaki Roshi, but he was always somewhere else. That's why his nickname was Homeless Kodo.

[19:51]

He didn't have a home. But Uchiyamuroshi stayed at Tantaiji. That was a very poor and small temple. Sakuroshi was only by name, the abbot. He was very unknown. So when Uchiyamuroshi became the abbot, they only had two or three monks together. And when I fasted, visited Antaji to do Sesshin, so that was 1969. So after four years, still they had only four or five monks living there, although people from outside came to sit. After he published several books, he became well-known, Uchimoroshi, and many people started to come.

[20:58]

So in 1970, when I was ordained, that was one year later, we had about 10 monks. And after five years later, when he retired, we had about 30 resident practitioners. So the number of practitioners grew so quickly. Anyway, so he limited his tenure. to be the abbot by himself, only 10 years. And during that 10 years, he kept those seven points in his mind as a teacher. And he wanted to transmit these points to his disciples. That's why he talked about those seven points in his last Dharma talk.

[22:04]

So to me, these seven points is like my teacher's will. And after I started to practice without my teacher, not only me, at Valezendo in Massachusetts, we translate these seven points and posted it at the entrance. So we consider these seven as like a constitution of the zendo. So these seven points are very important to me. Actually, that's why someone asked me to translate this lecture. You know, they read those seven points every day but they didn't know what Uchamaro said about those seven points.

[23:08]

So they asked me to translate the lecture, the entire lecture. That's why I started to work on it. And so since then, those seven points are very important to me. So whenever and wherever I practice, I try to follow these seven instructions. So today I'd like to talk on those seven points. Please read this book to see what Uchiyama Roshi said about these points. Let me read those seven first, then I talk one by one. if we have this book, page 139. First one is study and practice, study and practice the Buddha Dharma only for the sake of the Buddha Dharma, not for the sake of emotions or worldly ideas.

[24:22]

Second, The Zen is our truest and most venerable teacher. Third, the Zen must work concretely in our daily lives as the two practices, vow and dependence. The three minds, magnanimous mind, nurturing mind, and joyful mind. And as the realization of the saying, gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment. Fourth, live by vow and root it deeply. Five, realizing that development and backsliding are

[25:25]

your responsibility alone. Endeavor to practice and develop. Six, sit silently for 10 years, then for 10 more years, and then for another 10 years. Seven, cooperate with one another. and aim to create a place where sincere practitioners can practice without trouble. I think all of these seven are very important points in our practice. The first one is a very basic attitude we should keep when we practice Buddha Dharma, study and practice Buddha Dharma as a Buddha's disciple, especially in Dogen Zenji's tradition.

[26:30]

This expression, study and practice the Buddha Dharma only for the sake of the Buddha Dharma, is Dogen Zenji's expression. in Gakudo Yōjinshū. Gakudo Yōjinshū is in English. What is that? Gakudo Yōjinshū. Point to watch in practicing the Way. He said, we should practice the Buddhadharma only for the sake of Buddhadharma. not for the sake of our personal individual desire in order to make this person better or more important and wiser or stronger or even enlightened. Just study and practice Dharma for the sake of Dharma.

[27:34]

And this is really important in Dogen Zen's teaching. This came out of the basic teaching of Dogen, that is, our practice should be gaining-less, without gaining mind. You know, we always try to gain something. We are like a hunter, trying to hunt things which make this person happy or satisfied or stronger or wiser or more famous or to something help this person become, you know, great people, great person. And if we think our Zazen practice, not only Zazen, our practice of Dharma, is some method or means to get something we want, then that has nothing to do with Dharma.

[28:45]

It's just a, how can I say, some object we want. And as far as we practice in such an attitude, then our practice has nothing to do with Dharma. It's the same as, you know, pursuing something I want. Even if that object is Dharma, or enlightenment, or whatever. That's why Dogen Zenji said in Fukanza Zengi that when we sit, we need to let go of even aspiration to become Buddha. If we practice based on our desire to become Buddha, according to Dogen, that is delusion.

[29:50]

I mean, in another writing, Genjo Kōan, he said, conveying ourselves toward all media dharmas and carry out practice enlightenment. Here, practice and enlightenment are one word. Translation of Japanese expression, shu shō, shu and shō. Usually, practice is cause and enlightenment is a result or means and ends. But Dogen Zenji used this expression as one word, practice enlightenment or practice verification. Usually we have enlightenment or whatever as a result of practice. So if we practice, you know, study and practice this for a certain period of time, then we attain something called enlightenment.

[31:01]

But Dogen Zenji was really strongly against that idea. And he said, when we convey ourselves toward all myriad dharmas and carry out practice enlightenment as one word, he said, that is delusion. And he said, all mere dharmas come toward the self, come toward us, and allow us to carry out practice enlightenment, his enlightenment. So this is a very basic definition of Fatih's enlightenment and Fatih's delusion, or satori and mayoi, according to Dogen. To convey ourselves means using my motivation, my desire, my idea, and try seeing other things as objects, and try to find the truth, or reality, or dharma.

[32:09]

and make this person more wise, or enlightened, or whatever. And that is an ordinary idea about practice and enlightenment, even within Buddhism. But according to Dogen, that is basic delusion, because You know, this idea is based on separation between me and all myriad things. And I try to find the truth or reality of all beings as object and use this insight or wisdom to make this person enlightened or become Buddha. That structure me, all beings, and reality or truth, and wisdom, and using all those things as a tool to make this person better.

[33:23]

That idea is delusion according to Dogen. But, you know, the self or each and every one of us is part of the myriad dharmas. So when we say myriad dharmas, we are already there and we are part of it. So we cannot see myriad dharmas as objects because we are already in there. When we are inside, we cannot see the entire world. as object. We are born in this world and we live in this world for a while and we die in this world. So we are always in this world, within this world. We cannot see the world from outside as object. So we are in there. And according to Dogen, not only Dogen, but according to Buddhism, this structure, we are part of the connection, or in my experience, in my expression, within the network of interdependent origination.

[34:42]

We are part of it, or we are simply not of the net. And because the thread is transparent, we don't see the connection, but we are actually connected with all beings. So we cannot say this is individual, this is the self, and all other myriad dharmas are objects of this person. We are actually within it. To see this structure, I think, is awakening. That means we can't live by ourselves. And we cannot see things in the structure of self or subject and object. Reality, within reality, there's no such separation. So we need to awaken to that reality. And in order to awaken to that reality,

[35:44]

Still, if we still use this structure, this self, we want to see the reality of this entire network. In that activity, we are already trying to get out of that network and want to see the structure of the network. And that is basic delusion. And that is not fiction created in our mind. As actual reality, even since we are born, we never get out of that network. We are there. So we cannot see that network as an object. We are part of it. whatever view or concept we have, we create in our mind is a kind of delusion.

[36:50]

It's just a copy of that reality. So in the way, or the only way we can really awaken to that reality is to, by letting go of that view, that concept, by sitting and letting go. And by this sitting and letting go, we put our entire being, this entire body and mind, that is five skandhas, really on the base or ground of a network of interdependent origination. So when we are sitting and letting go of our ego-centered view, then we are of that network. And that is awakening. That's why Dogen said this practice of Zazen, Zazen is itself enlightenment. So within this Zazen and letting go, there's no such structure or division or separation, self and others, or me and all mere dharmas.

[38:04]

That is how we can be really and completely within the network. That is what Dogen Zenji meant when he said, you know, the myriad dharmas came towards the self. That means this self becomes part of the myriad dharmas. So the subject, the thing, what is doing this practice is not me, is not shohaku, but media dharmas allow shohaku to sit in this way. So this is not my zazen in order to make myself better, but media dharmas allow me to awaken to the reality of the Mirial Dharmas.

[39:07]

And that's all. So that is the meaning, I don't get anything. But even before we are born, we are part of it. So that awakening is not gaining something, but just letting go. That means we become just natural. because from the very beginning we are part of that network and we put ourselves on that network. That means we return to that network and that's all. So this is nothing special. And this can be done only when we sit quietly and letting go of thought. And this is what Katagiri Roshi's expression, returning to silence, means. We return to silence, so we cannot say anything.

[40:08]

His famous expression is, shut your mouth and just sit. That is our practice without gaining mind. And in order to practice with such attitude, this point, study and practice the Dharma, Buddha Dharma, only for the sake of the Buddha Dharma, not for the sake of emotions, means my feeling, my greedy idea, or worldly ideas. That means to be Zen practitioner or Zen master might look great, And the second point is, Zazen is our truest and most vulnerable teacher. Actually, in the original expression by Uchamurosh, actually said, it's a little stronger.

[41:20]

He said, only Zazen. Only Zazen, or Zazen is only true teacher. No human beings can be a true teacher. It was a very strong statement. Uchiyama Roshi practiced with Sawaki Roshi for more than 25 years until Sawaki Roshi's death. So he really followed his teacher. and he took care of Sawakiroshi's final days. So he was very intimate with Sawakiroshi, a very great, famous Zen teacher. And he found that Sawakiroshi is just an ordinary human being. Nothing special. And that is okay. That means, because he is an ordinary human being, he can make mistakes.

[42:27]

Sometimes he didn't understand some things. So Uchiyama said, this is really important point of at least my teacher's teaching to me, that don't, how can I say, think that human beings, including himself, can be a really true teacher. There's no such thing. We are all ordinary human beings. Only our Zazen is a true teacher. And he actually added that as a human teacher, as a human teacher, the person who teaches us that Zazen is only a true teacher is a true teacher. Does it make sense? That means if a teacher, some teacher teach, I am enlightened, so I make no mistake, you have to follow me.

[43:38]

If you find such a teacher, such a teacher cannot be a true teacher. But if the person is a true teacher, he said, I am not a true teacher, so I make mistakes, so don't trust me. you need to find the truth by yourself, and you have to walk with your own legs. Actually, that was the first teaching I received from my teacher. I mean, the next day I received ordination. I had a chance to talk with Uchiyama Roshi, and my father, attended the ceremony. And of course, when my father greeted my teacher, my father asked my teacher to take care of my son. But the next day of the ordination ceremony, when I talked with Uchiyama Roshi, he said, although your father asked me to take care of his son, I cannot do it.

[44:48]

but you have to walk on your own legs. And that is really an important point in my practice. That means I couldn't, I cannot rely on my teacher. And he is always saying he never watched his disciples or students. He was always facing Buddha and walking toward that direction. for his own practice. And if I want to be his disciple, I have to face the same direction. I also have to face Buddha, not the teacher as a human being. But I need to also face the Buddha and walk toward the same direction my teacher is walking. using my own legs.

[45:51]

I think, to me, that is very important teaching. And so I try not to rely on him. And I have been doing practice, trying to practice with that attitude. And at that point, you know, I completely relied on his teaching. Do you understand what I mean? There's a paradox. If I relied on him, you know, I really didn't rely on him. Because I tried not to rely on him, I completely relied on his teaching. And I think this is really kind of a delicate, subtle point but a really important point if you practice with a certain teacher. It's not only teacher-student relationship. I think parents and children are the same.

[47:02]

Anyway, the third point is Zazen must work concretely in our daily lives as two practices, vow and repentance. We take bodhisattva vows and when we receive a precept, we recite four vows. Those are four basic vows for all bodhisattvas. Sentence being Living beings are numberless. We vow to save them. And delusions are inexhaustible. We vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. We vow to master them. And Buddha's way, in this case, way means awakening. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. We vow to realize it. Those are four vows. And important point to understand the meaning of this vow is these vows are, how can I say,

[48:15]

it's not possible to completely fulfill these vows as a nature of vows. I mean, between the first half of those four vows and the second half of these vows are contradicted. You know, sentient beings are numberless or living beings are numberless and we vow to save them. We vow to save them means we vow to save them all. That means How can we save them all if the number is limitless? And this vow means until we finish, we really completely save all of them, I will not become Buddha. I will not cross the river between this shore and that shore. This shore means Samsara and that shore is Nirvana. That means, this vow means I will be the last person to cross the river.

[49:25]

That is the meaning of this vow. And because there are, you know, numberless living beings, there's no time we can completely fulfill it. That means we will stay this shore forever. That is actual meaning of this vow. So, you know, if all beings are Bodhisattva, all beings are in this shower, so other shower is empty. No one is there. It's funny, but I think it's true. That means, to be a bodhisattva means we work together within this shore to make samsara into nirvana. To create nirvana in this shore. We give up the desire to go that shore.

[50:31]

That is, in a sense, escape from samsara. But we vow to stay sansara and try to share both suffering and joy with all beings. That is our vow. Anyway, so when we take this kind of strange vow, this means even though we take those four vows, if we are really sincere, we need to awaken to the fact that our practice is always incomplete. We cannot be complete. This awakening of incompleteness of our practice, no matter how hard, no matter how long we practice, we are still incomplete. This awakening of incompleteness is dependence.

[51:37]

So repentance in Buddhism, or at least in Dogen, not Dogen, but Uchiyama Roshi talks about, is awakening. Repentance is not something like, when I make a certain mistake, I say, you know, I'm sorry I made such and such mistake, and I try not to make the same mistake. That is a kind of repentance, but that is not actual repentance in the ultimate meaning. we need to practice repentance even about the mistakes we do in our daily lives. And that is one kind of repentance. But in Dogen Zenji's, not Dogen Zenji's, but in the text of precept in Soto Zen tradition, there is one quote from a sutra that said,

[52:48]

If you want to repent, or if you want to practice repentance, sit upright and be mindful with the reality of all beings. That means, if or when we awaken to the reality of all beings, that is impermanent and egoless and we are part of this network of interdependent origination, you know, there's no way to be selfish. If we did something selfish, that means we are not awakened to that reality. So the ultimate repentance is to sit upright and be mindful of that reality of all beings. So actually, Both, you know, vow and repentance are two sides of our practice of zazen.

[53:54]

So our zazen itself is a practice of vowing to try to, not try to, but to put an end to all the delusions and also to make repentance. So our zazen is vow and repentance. And this zazen should work in our daily lives as three minds. That is, magnanimous mind, nurturing mind, and joyful mind. These three minds are discussed by Dogen Zenji in Tenzo Kyokun, or his instructions for Tenzo, or cook. And he said, all monks or practitioners, including Abbot or six officers, including Tendo and all other members of the community, need to maintain these three minds.

[55:09]

Magnanimous mind is a mind free from discrimination. I like this, I hate that. And nurturing mind is literally a matured mind or sometimes called low version. That means mind of old lady or grandmother. That means taking care of children. When we are childish, we complain, unless we are taken care of. But when we are mature, we can enjoy taking care of others. This matured or nurturing mind is a mind to take care of others.

[56:15]

This is bodhisattva practice. And within taking care of others, we can find joy. That is joyful mind. And those three are the the way our zazen functions, works within our daily lives, when we live together, work together with other people, to maintain these three attitudes, being free from discriminating minds and trying to take care of nature, other things, other people, other living beings to save and to find a joy in that activity. That is three minds.

[57:17]

The original word for three minds is san-shin. San is three, shin is mind. And when I make the name of my community, I use this expression, san-shin, because I don't like the English translation, three minds. It's kind of strange, you know. Minds as plural. There's actually three aspects of one mind. So I don't like three minds. Or three hearts are also strange. So I keep Japanese expression, sanshin, and it makes the name of my community. That means we practice zazen and study dharma and try to live maintaining these three attitudes, magnanimous mind, nurturing mind, and joyful mind.

[58:23]

That's how our Zazen practice can work in our daily lives. And the last point is realization of the saying, gaining is delusion, Losing is enlightenment. This is a kind of a famous teaching of Sawaki Roshi. Sawaki Roshi said, if we gain something, that is delusion. If you lose something, that is enlightenment. So, in our practice, actually, this is kind of one side, because we have a tendency that I want to get it. That's why Sawaki Roshi cautioned to that tendency. But as a reality, we gain nothing, but we lose nothing. There's nothing to gain, and yet nothing to lose. And no one who gains, and no one who doesn't, who loses.

[59:27]

Things are always coming and going. Even our body and mind is, as I said this morning, is like clouds, appear in the sky and stay for a while, changing the shape and disappear. So we really lose nothing, and yet we really gain nothing. We are just as we are. And next point is, live by birth and root it deeply. That means, this is a kind of his excuse, and he retired from That means he gave up teaching his students. So I had to come to this country. So I had to practice with my teacher. And this is not an excuse, but encouragement.

[60:32]

That is, we need to live by vow. bow means those four bodhisattva bows. And really, if we don't keep that vows and try to live based on that vows. There are so many problems, difficulties, or hard times. We lose the sight of the vow and we start to do something else. Because, you know, At least in my experiences, sometimes I had too many good reasons to quit practice. And even if I quit practice at that time, I don't think I was wrong or bad.

[61:36]

But somehow, because of this teaching, I couldn't quit. So, you know, we really... How can I say? Root. Our vow needs to be the root of our life. Root means the nutrition from the entire world comes through my life, through the root. And to live by vow means to practice and work for the sake of those four vows to save other beings and to put an end to my delusive ideas, ego-centered ideas, and to study Dharma and awaken to Buddha's awakening.

[62:49]

Of course, that is not possible to be completely fulfilled. And yet, if we keep making these vows as a root of our life, we can, you know, how can I say, receive the energy nutrition from entire world because our vow, our practice, our way of life is not only for the sake of or benefit of this person. So things are coming, of course, nutrition came from the root, go out. But that is the way we can grow. So we gain nothing. You know, the plant doesn't gain anything. things are coming and going, coming and going, and plants offer oxygen to the world. So nothing is coming, nothing is going, and yet if we don't have the vow as a root, this movement, this universal movement doesn't continue.

[64:00]

So it's really important to make this vow as the root of our life. And the fifth point is realizing that development and backsliding are your responsibility alone, endeavor to practice and develop. This is the same as I said, you know, After my ordination ceremony, he said, I couldn't rely on my teacher. So whether we develop or not, really up to our own effort. Again, this is a teaching for his disciple who leave his teacher and their teachers. And six is sit silently for 10 years, then for 10 more years, and then for another 10 years.

[65:10]

So he said 30 years. Probably because that was a time he had been practicing for 30 years. He became a monk when he was 29, and when he retired he was 63. So a little bit more than 30 years. So I first tried to sit 10 years. No, he retired after five years I practiced. So I tried to practice five more years. And, you know, I couldn't stop it. So I sat another 10 years. And then I sat 20 years, that was around,

[66:14]

When I was 40, during the first 20 years, I felt I had nothing to offer to anything. I mean, as I said, I started to study Buddhism. and practiced Zazen when I was a university student. And right after I finished school, I entered monastery and practiced. So I had no skill or knowledge to offer to help others besides this good-for-nothing Zazen. And not so practical teaching of Dogen to help people in the world. So until I was 40, I felt, you know, I cannot offer anything. But because I lived with takahatsu or begging, I felt I was supported by people in the society, but I had nothing to return.

[67:26]

And somehow I felt I'm not unworthy. But after I I was 40, I felt I could offer something. I mean, this way of life, and this good-for-nothing sitting, can be a really great gift or offering to the people who are always busy to gaining things, chasing after something, or escaping from something, just settle down. be quiet and stop chasing after something or escaping from something. This basic, you know, peacefulness I think is a really great gift. And after I was 40, I think this might be my offering. And since then, I'm trying to return

[68:30]

the debt I received or offering I received when I was young. That is my practice right now. Try to return the support I received when I was young and good for nothing. Until we really become mature, Zen practitioner is really good for nothing. You know, it's really, how can I say? Not eatable. Until it's really matured. Half-baked Zen practitioner is really a terrible thing. And I was such a person. And the last one is cooperate with one another. and aim to create a place where sincere practitioners can practice without trouble.

[69:37]

Since I moved to Bloomington one and a half years ago, I have been trying to create a place where people can practice Zazen and study mainly Dogen Zen's teaching. So what I'd like to create is a kind of a Zazen practice center and a Dogen study center. I don't want to make it a monastery, so I'd like to keep it small. And yet, I think it's important to, or for the sangha, to create a community where people can practice without too much problems, troubles.

[70:47]

And yet, as the reality, Even we get together to practice for the sake of Dharma, still we are karmic consciousness, we are karmic body, karmic being. So we cannot avoid some problems or troubles or conflict. I think precisely because of that, this teaching or this advice is important. And I think the way we can go through such difficulties is, again, I think I need to go back to the first point. We are here together to study Dharma. and to let go of our egocentricity, to become free from our egocentric mind.

[71:51]

If we are very clear about this point, no matter how, how can I say, different each one of us's view or opinion or desire, if we return to that basis, of the network of interdependent origination, I think we can find a common ground as living beings. And I think that is the base to get together with other people, even though other people are different from me. And in order to, how can I say, create such a community, it's really important to practice vow and repentance. Vow is to create something healthy and dependence is to awake if there's something not healthy.

[73:04]

You know, try to find how to recover, how to heal. Well, I think it's time to stop talking. Any questions or comments? Please. No questions. Well, what I studied, what I studied at university and my, at Antaisio with my teacher, is study about good for nothing, gaining nothing, make nothing. To me, that is a liberation or freedom, being free from, you know, greedy mind, and that

[74:14]

I think this greedy mind is a kind of a basis of modern society. Even if we don't want to eat, somehow with that greedy mind, we cannot live within the society. I think that is a basic problem. That means, I think in modern society, unless we keep growing, we have to disappear. or we have to lose. If we don't win, we lose. So only win or lose. And with that, maybe greedy mind is too strong, but I think that is it. So what I studied is kind of opposite. How we can be free from that mind And I think important point is even though this modern society is based on that greedy mind, how can we change the basic direction of this society?

[75:27]

Maybe this is too ambitious or another kind of greedy mind. But if we stop, you know, making effort to, how can I say, enlarge the circle or community of this people or bodhisattva, try to be free from greedy mind. I think by our own greedy mind, we harm ourselves. We destroy the nature and also human society. So I think in that sense, this is really important things to study, and yet not so many people want to. So that is what I have been studying. Do you notice a difference between the reaction you get to studying now, since you've been a monk, and I know it's been a long Let's see.

[76:31]

Yeah, before, I think my study was also based on competition, competitive mind. I want to be better than others. But when we study Dogen, we cannot be better than others. You know, we feel how small we are, how incomplete we are. So that's the difference. Other questions? Please. Would you say something about how your practice has been in Bloomington? How were you received? Were you invited there? Is it different than the Bay Area? Or how has that been going? Well, the reason I decided to move to Bloomington is a friend of mine from Kyoto.

[77:59]

He's an American and his name is John McRae. He's a professor at Indiana University, Bloomington. Once I visited Bloomington to read a Sesshin, he found me. For many years we had no contact, but somehow he found me and he joined the Sesshin. And at the time I was looking for a place to locate my center and he invited me. So that was one of the reasons. Another reason, not a reason, but interesting thing is in order to build the building, we tried to work on fundraising. And San Francisco Zen Center helped us to fundraising activity. And they generously allowed us to use part of their mailing list for fundraising appeal.

[79:07]

So I asked them to give the list of the names in Indiana. And I was really happy When I know the number, you know, I think as a whole, the Zen Center mailing list has more than 6,000 names. They're more interested in meditation. And I found there are a few Buddhist communities in Indianapolis. So somehow it started to grow. Not yet blooming yet. But sooner or later, Dharma flower will bloom in Bloomington. Okay? Okay.

[80:10]

Please. In the beginning, excuse me, this morning you talked about feeling alienated, I think, as a young man by the economic tension of Japan. And now, near the end of your talk, you talked about having found something to give. And I wonder about how you see that economic engine now. Well, so when I was a high school student, I tried to drop out from that money-making machine. And I had been pretty successful until recently. In order to, you know, build a zendo, somehow, I'm not sure why, but somehow I need to connect with that machine again. But this is my offering. You seem to be expressing in a certain way some gratitude to this machine.

[81:15]

Right. Right. So, right. I think I I found some way to connect with the world or society, and I have something to offer. And I'm really happy about that. In a positive way, I can offer something. So I returned. Okay, thank you very much. Ah, numbers.

[81:54]

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