Today I wanted to talk about the backdrop of our life. I think a lot about what is constant in our life and what gives me some sense of assurance that things are okay no matter what goes on. There are lots of metaphors that we use in our practice that enable us to tap into something that is comforting. And you've heard it said before that the lectures are the same week after week, day after day, but at some point something resonates with our own experience. And then we say, oh yeah, now I get it for a moment or two.

[01:03]

And then we get it again sometime later. Well, no matter where we are in our life, there is a backdrop. The backdrop is a container. And if you think about a stage production, theater or dance, there's a curtain or a backdrop and there's all this activity going on in the front and we're captivated by the activity but there's something that remains constant and that's this backdrop. So the scenery of our life changes and yet there's this constant underlying essence where it's all presented for the world to see.

[02:12]

Now in our framework of practice the word that we describe this backdrop is shunyata or emptiness. Emptiness is a difficult word or concept to impart upon you all. It's difficult for me to even grasp it, in fact it's ungraspable, yet we all live in this world of emptiness. and it's incumbent upon us as Zen students to experience this emptiness. Now we have various techniques to help us find or see emptiness clearly.

[03:30]

And one of the most basic or fundamental practices that we have is awareness of breath. So if you take account for just a moment of what's constant in your life while you're so-called alive, one thing is breath. The undulation of your life is framed around or within the undulation of your breath. Inhalations, exhalations. Short breaths, long breaths. Out of breath. Full of hot air. Whatever. The air is constantly moving through us. Constantly changing. the air with which we breathe in part is the same that the air our ancestors breathed centuries ago.

[04:41]

Now the intention that we have in our practice is the degree of determination to make it your life. Now we all have intention to wake up, that's why we're here. Depending on how desperate we are, we have more or less intention to make it our life. So I hope after today, we all have increased the amperage, if you will, in our life to become more aware of our breath. And to see that as a container for our life, that we can see our life more clearly. bringing awareness to your breath and your posture, bringing it to one's consciousness serves to amplify your present experience. Now when I used to read about or hear things about this, it didn't seem exciting enough for me.

[05:56]

I wanted more excitement in my life. And after sitting for a few years that I have, I realized that there's something to this. I just got a radio, and I was listening to this jazz station coming from Los Angeles. I listen to a lot of music, but I haven't listened to a radio in a long time, really consciously. So I was quite struck that quite a few hundred miles away there was music being generated and I was receiving it through my radio. And what I try to do as a Zen student when I have little experiences like this, which seem rather mundane, is to put it in the context of my life as a Zen student.

[06:58]

breathing and posture and waking up, which is, as I said, we're all here to do. So these radio waves have been bouncing around Berkeley from Los Angeles for many, many years, and I haven't really been aware of them. But now I have this little tool that transmits this energy, puts it out through speakers, and here I am in this room listening to this energy. all the while breathing, trying to settle down and listening to this music. Now the music, whether it's good or bad, it doesn't really matter. The fact is something is being transmitted. There's this energy that's moving through the universe and I'm receiving it, or it's being received more accurately. is a thing called dharma transmission and the Buddha transmitting dharma.

[08:12]

I started thinking about transmit. Now the dharma is incomparably profound yet infinitely subtle, rarely encountered even in a hundred thousand million kalpas. Very subtle and slippery and yet it's being transmitted. So again I started thinking, well the Buddha is an awakened one and he has seen this ineffable subtle dharma and is transmitting it to his disciples. So in a way he is like my little radio. I have a little Buddha statue that some friends gave me that I put in front of my radio. So when I'm sitting there I look at my system and I look at the image and it's a reminder for me for my practice and not to get too caught up

[09:33]

in the sounds and all this stuff and just bringing it back to here I am sitting in my little apartment listening to music. And when I put the Buddha there and was listening to music I started thinking about the last words attributed to the Buddha which was something to the effect of be a light unto yourselves I haven't said anything these 50 years. You have everything you have inside. Work diligently." Something to that effect. So while he and Mel and all the teachers throughout the 2,500 years have tried to wake us up to the teaching, like those radio waves, the teaching is all around us.

[10:40]

It's just a matter of settling down, tuning it in, and receiving it. It's not very glamorous or sexy, it's pretty mundane. And yet, this is all we have. this is the container for our life is what's in front of us, what's going through us. So how much can we tune into this phenomenal world? So all of these forms that we experience are in emptiness, are in the context of emptiness. And when the Buddha transmitted the teaching, emptiness was brought back into form.

[11:42]

So we see emptiness through form. We recite this in the Heart Sutra every day. Six words, form is emptiness, emptiness is form. that is basic to our teaching. Typically when someone gives a talk up here there is a text or something to go along with the talk. It tends to help someone like myself have some backing.

[12:51]

I'm not making all this up. It's right here. I let the Buddha talk. Well, one of the things that he taught was the four foundations of mindfulness, which is the full awareness of breathing, being present with breath. So I started reading this, because this is basic Buddhism, and I was looking for some more excitement, and it was pretty dry reading. And I realized something again, that All this talk about breathing and being aware of short breaths and long breaths is rather neutral. All it is is bare attention. There's no charge around it. There's not so much sexiness, allure, anything to kind of stir up the emotions. It's just being aware of our breath, which we have all the time. And in that sort of neutral feeling of just being aware of breath,

[14:01]

enabled me to start seeing a bit more of what was being presented in this life. This isn't to say that some Buddhist practices which tend to be a bit more elaborate and more colorful are not legitimate. I think given the particular tendencies of individuals are drawn to one form or another of the kind of practice. But our practice is pretty bare, basic and stripped down. Zendo, this laboratory for our practice, to see ourself is pretty spare. Just a white wall and wood floors and a few extra little things to make it conducive to seeing our inherent self. So what's this form in emptiness, this form called Ross in emptiness, called Mark, called Lisa?

[15:08]

Well, the form that is in this emptiness is no other than pure activity in stillness. If you take a moment, to feel the sense of this room without looking around but peripherally with your vision hearing and smelling it's pretty still and yet very alive I went to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Group at Cal Performances last week, and it wasn't too unlike the Zendo.

[16:14]

The room was dark, and I was sitting in a pretty comfortable seat. There was a backdrop, and these people came out, and there was all this movement, and it was very captivating. there were colors, there were shapes and forms constantly moving, not giving one much opportunity to catch or grasp onto anything because it was so alive. But sitting there in that chair, there was all this activity, and because of the choreography, it all fit together, it was seamless, it was really quite beautiful. And that's actually how our life is outside the theater, outside the gate. Although it's difficult to see that. So we come inside the gate.

[17:19]

Thank you for closing it quietly. We come into the Zendo. We sit down and we slow down and we start seeing our life. And when we leave, we start seeing slowly this sort of interconnectedness of all things. It takes a long time, but that's what this place is about. We come to the gate, we come down the path, we come to the Zen Dojo, there's all these awareness practices, all the while breathing, as we practice in this container, which is set up only for your and everyone else's waking up together. So with this breath is zazen. And zazen is this thread by which our whole life is sewn together.

[18:23]

No matter what's going on, our life is happening. There is life. Now the literal translation of sutra is thread. and Sutra is the name for teachings of the Buddha. I want to read just a little bit of the Satipatthana Sutta which is one of the early teachings of the Buddha and it's the foundations of mindfulness. It's awareness of body, awareness of feelings, awareness of mind and awareness of object of mind or mental objects. I'm going to read just a few lines as it's been translated.

[19:27]

And how does a bhikkhu, that's a home leaper or a monk, live observing the activities of the body? Well, first there's breathing. Here are bhikkhus. Abhigu, having gone to the forest, to the foot of a tree, or to some empty place, sits down with his legs crossed, keeps his body straight and his mindfulness alert. Ever mindful he breathes in, ever mindful he breathes out, etc., etc., being aware of the quality of the breathing. Now this is 2,500 years ago, and the Buddha's talking to a bunch of guys who are in the forest. So there's this sort of gender-specific and the physical context is very different than what we have here. So here is another rendering of the same paragraph. Here are Zen students.

[20:36]

A Zen student, having gone to their office desk to the back of the checkout line or to that empty place in their heart sits down with her legs crossed keeping her body straight and her mindfulness alert. So is there any difference? No. There's no difference. This is a really special zendo, a special space that we cherish. We come here, we support it with our efforts, we support it with our money, our offering ourselves up physically to take care of it, and then we go out into the world and practice in the same spirit.

[21:41]

and all the while we have our posture and our breath. So being aware of that will help us and help everyone that we come into contact with a more rich and fulfilling life. I was talking to a friend the other day and He had this sense of practice that was sort of like an arithmetic problem. He's a kind of a math science sort of person. He said it felt like A plus B equals C. A would be suffering, discomfort. B would be zazen. And C would be happiness. And I think we all come to practice It's not all a very high percentage with this kind of expectation.

[22:52]

Well we laughed a little bit about that because he's been sitting for a while and he realizes that it's not about being happy. It's about being. So we continue to joke a little bit about be, just be, just zazen. and to forget about C. There'll be happy times and there'll be really sad and difficult times, and in a sense it doesn't matter. And when we get past the wanting to be happy and just wanting to be, our life flowers and we're enriched by it and we'll have happy times and sad times. And this was a little disappointing to me because I wanted to be happy. I didn't want pain. And I slowly kind of come around to realize that I don't have a whole lot of control over my emotions or feelings that arise.

[24:00]

But being aware of them actually has enriched and enlivened my life. It constantly changes. Constantly changes. Sometimes not fast enough, but it constantly changes. When the Buddha died, he said that we had it all in us. Everything was contained within. And he didn't want images made of himself. He didn't want to be deified. And for some hundreds of years after he died, there were no images of him made. And slowly, followers of the Way realized they needed something.

[25:02]

They wanted reminders of this precious teaching. there were subtle reminders like images of two feet, which were like the Buddha's feet. On the altar, on early altars, there would be, say, a block of wood or something, but without the image, sort of like a platform where the teacher would be sitting. And as the years went by, more forms came into being. that we're serving primarily as reminders. There's a whole wonderful world of Buddhist art which serves as teaching tools, serves as pure decoration, serves as mindfulness practices for those who are engaged in it, and ultimately helping the people who gaze upon it like that little Buddha in front of my radio as a reminder.

[26:08]

So what we have here are images, zendos, black sitting jackets and rakusus, incense, all these things. And when we leave here, what do we have? We have our breath and we have our posture. And I hope when we carry ourselves out into the world, we remember that more and more, because it's really quite helpful. I'd like to end this presentation for discussion after I say one more thing. which is I was off work the other day and I was walking up University Avenue and I saw a friend walking across the street right in front of Berkeley Hardware and I was quite taken by her posture.

[27:20]

She was walking very upright and you know most people kind of walk a little bit. She was walking quite upright. So we met and talked briefly for a few moments, and I said, you know, I was really quite taken by your posture, walking. Now, I don't know what was going on in her mind. Well, I know what was going on in her mind. She was on the way to get a cookie. She wanted some sugar for the afternoon. So she was going to a store to buy a cookie, which she told me later was really quite awful. It tasted like garlic, and it was really horrible. But she finished it anyway, and we talked about how that's just like all relationships, we should get out of them sooner, but we just continue. She said, well, a long time ago when you were facilitating the Monday night group, after the period of Zazen, we did 10 minutes of Qinyan.

[28:21]

And I don't remember saying this, but I can imagine saying it. I said, remember your posture when you're walking, you're still doing Zazen. So I thanked her for remembering that and reminding me of it. After that, and we parted, I made more of an effort to stay more upright myself. And we have to remember that upright posture is also a state of mind. There's this physical upright posture and you know given our particular limitations not everyone can be that way. So there's something about in our heart being upright and that's the most important thing being upright and open to receive just like putting our antennas out right. And she said what she said and then I thought afterwards not only awareness of breath but also awareness of what we say and what we do that we are always creating karma through body, speech and mind thoughts what we say and what we do and in increasing force or energy we're having a bigger effect on the world through these various dharmas that are manifesting through us

[29:50]

So I realized that when I become short-tempered and what I say will have an effect on someone, and when I'm encouraging and exercising some equanimity, I can have a different effect on someone that hopefully is more positive. And I, like everyone in this room, loses their temper and becomes short with people. It was just yet another reminder that we all affect each other very intimately in ways that we forget about. And then years later we're reminded, oh from this time, oh from that time. And it was from slowing down and being there with my friend for a couple of minutes and listening that I was able to really hear all that. And I was fortunate and unfortunate to have had some moments of quiet to hear that, and that's what we're trying to do in our practice.

[30:59]

One aspect of our practice is to string along like strands of pearls these moments of quiet to really receive completely the Buddhist teaching. So breath after breath, keep stringing them along. Thank you. We have about 10 minutes or so if anyone has any questions or comments or thoughts. David. It's hard to engage with you. I want to maybe push on this. Why would we want to be in the present moment if it didn't have something to do with happiness? So why would we trade being for happiness if we didn't have to?

[32:18]

We don't have to. What's the alternative? What? What's the alternative if we don't trade it in? We try to be happy, and invariably it shifts to discomfort. But still, if there weren't some connection between being present, being, and happiness, why would we pursue being present? Why would we pursue being present? Why would we care about being present? What's in it for us? Maybe I want you to talk about happiness. What is happiness?

[33:19]

And why should we do anything about our desire to be happy? That's a good question. It seems that to me we're encoded with this desire to be happy. And no matter what we do, we want to be happy and we want to be comfortable. when we're unhappy as children, if we're lucky, there's some caretaker around to assure us that things are okay. And if memory serves me correctly, it felt more apt when I was encouraged or reminded that it's okay what was going on as opposed to come on Ross be happy when I wasn't feeling happy.

[34:36]

And as adults quite often we don't have someone around to remind us it's okay. So for me being present is like when I was a child. And it was okay. It has to be okay. Because if it's not, it's some idea or some fantasy. I remember a very intimate relationship with someone and I wanted them to be happy when they weren't. And it didn't, sometimes they got happy, but more often than not, they were just real. And that's, to me, as painful as it was to be in that, it was, it felt more alive primarily because

[35:53]

I've found my discomfort in my expectations of wanting them to be happy. And as Mel's instructed us, don't be attached to expectations. So if we have this idea of being happy, we're going to get attached to it because we want to be happy. And when we're not, we're let down and disappointed and sad. So that's how it is for me. I like being happy though. I like being happy. I'm not so keen on the other side. Do you have a sense of, for your practice, how... Yeah, well, I think my sense of myself in this area is that the happiness I want is a kind of a And actually, I think what's behind that is a desire for actually quite a great happiness, a huge happiness.

[37:08]

And I think it's that happiness that has more to do with being present. And what I do is mostly I'm dealing with my confusion between these, we can say, two desires for happiness. One is for a very predictable one that I can hang on to and design and get and so on. And the other is actually quite a lot nicer if I could just get out of the way. Yeah, but it's really hard because in this life that we have in the 90s with families and jobs and all this stuff, we're just looking for, I mean forget the big happiness, I just want a little happiness. Just to sort of have some comfort and ease, because life is so painful. I think it was true in the 40s also. Which 40s? Marx? Yeah. I had an observation, which was when you quoted the Heart Sutra, it was form is emptiness, emptiness is form.

[38:15]

And when you said it, it became Emptiness is the context of form or the backdrop of form. And there's a difference there. There is. Do you know the difference? It's an observation rather than ... Well, if I would have gone on with the recitation, form is no other than emptiness, emptiness no other than form. So even though we have this context of emptiness is not separate from form. So it's, if you will, the metaphor is good up to a point in describing what this world is about. I think, well I know when I came to practice I was grasping for the emptiness side. I wanted emptiness because my life was full of form and full of pain. Soto-style practice is impressing upon us that form is no other than emptiness, emptiness is no other than form, that what you are aspiring to, what I'm aspiring to is no other than this very thing, that the small-time happiness and big-time happiness are in a sense inseparable, we have to see how small-time happiness

[39:45]

is big time happiness. Does that? Does that observate? Does that? That was an answer, yeah. I would interpret it. Thank you. Yes, Olga. Hi. So, I'm concluding that it's good to suffer because it's part of life. No. Just take the good out of it. There is suffering. Yeah, there is suffering. If you look at it as good, then that sort of feels like attachment and maybe wanting more of it. It's like David said, you just get out of the way, you'll receive it, you'll receive suffering. But you can allow it to happen and don't get attached to it. I mean, this is part of life. Yeah, yeah, it is. As with the first Noble Truth, Buddha said it. I believe it.

[40:47]

Life is suffering. Life is uncomfortable. Yes, Sue. Well, I think we get kind of mixed messages about happiness, actually, from our teachings and from the way they're translated maybe has to do with it and what we understand from the word happy. But the Four Noble Truths, are saying the whole point of Buddha's teaching was to help people stop suffering. It seems like it. I mean, there's suffering, but there's a way to be liberated from suffering. So is it all that different to be free from suffering? Is that all that different from being happy? I mean, they're very connected, it seems to me. And then in the Metta Sutta, we say, may all beings be happy. beings, including ourselves, to be free from suffering, to be at peace. And at the same time we're saying, you know, we're not trying, we're not doing this in order to get happy.

[41:48]

But that second thing, I never really quite believe. The second thing? That we're not doing this in order to be happy. Well, we are. We are. That's the first, there's five, I can't elaborate them all, but there's five sort of levels of practice in Zen, and the first one is for personal comfort. And a lot of people come to practice just for personal comfort. And there is further levels of practice, even though we aren't in stage practice, right? There's further levels or layers of practice that it gets beyond our personal comfort. And we're just helping other people. So this recitation of the Mantra Sutra, may all beings happy, but my life is shit! You know, we're reciting that with this hope or aspiration that we want all beings to be happy. That's addressing the interconnectedness of all beings, that I want to be happy, we want all beings to be happy.

[42:52]

And at the early levels of practice, and sometimes later depending where we're at, we can't get beyond just I want to be happy. And yet it feels to me like when other beings are happy or content in their life. I like to use content because happiness has such a charge. If other beings are content around this or accepting, there is peace in my life. And when we're around people who are not happy or content, it really changes. At work, I have myriad co-workers and some of them are very content being there and some of them aren't. And I can feel my own states of mind when they're content. And yes, the Buddha did lay out this practice to lessen our suffering. And while we try to stay oriented on that, invariably suffering comes up and discomfort comes up.

[43:53]

So it's a real koan. But thanks for bringing it up, because it is a very slippery fine line there. I didn't mean that my happiness and other beings' happiness are in conflict with each other. I meant that happiness, period, seems to be a good thing in Buddhism, mine and other people's. It is. And at the same time, we say that's not what we're trying to get. Right, because we attach it to happiness, because we want to feel good. It seems like, as I said earlier, it's encoded that we want to be happy. Early on, that seems to be something that we just naturally aspire to, just kind of like a flower opening up to light. You know, light comes in and there's, you know, when there's a fire, we tend to go toward the warmth. There's something very mysterious about that. Thanks. I don't understand why the separation between lack of suffering means that I am happy.

[45:10]

And that itself seems a contradiction because I thought that when I'm separating myself from the experience, that that is the source of suffering. So if I say that I'm trying not to suffer and yet I'm happy that it's still continuing the separation of self from the experience, from being. And so I'm just adding that into the book. Well, it's very slippery. We want something That's the nature of desire. We want something, and there's a reason why we're all here, because we want that comfort and that taste of understanding. So wanting something is that, it feels separate.

[46:15]

I want this, I want less pain, or I want more happiness, or what have you. And at some point, we give up. And it didn't sound too positive when I heard that. But it feels to me, from my experience, that when I give up a little, my life is a little easier. But it's not throwing my hands up in that way. It's more around acceptance. I wish there was more time. Well, there is more time. Thank you.

[46:55]

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