Given on Friday, October 23, 2009
About this talk
Being free to make our own choices, following recipes or not; trying to make a difference in a world full of violence.
Transcript:OK. Thank you for coming. So. When you and I want to talk a little bit more about my what I was talking about this morning. And then. I also thought it might be useful to share sent home with you and talk a little bit about. Again you know to review what I was talking about this morning I mentioned the story of a long casting the teacher how do I change that racial teacher saying who is buying you. And. This is such an important point your dad was proud and you sitting up to say. You know my mom my dad you know we. It's Albert Kim knew and others have said. You're responsible for your face. And you know we. Anyway we come here and we're here we are on the. Front you know way. But we become bound by you know decisions being made in childhood in ways of going about things that we came up with. Often before we even had language and it's a challenge then to be able to make you know care of choice and choice again it's different. Choices different in doing what you shared. Being kind according to picture description your perch. Rather than you know having kindness is something that comes something from inside comes alive and or something can be inside coming along. We could say. And that's what we carefully keep. Because we can't trust we don't trust that what's coming from inside is going to be adequate get in there and rub in enough kind enough so we better do it life according to some formula according to some recipe. According to some scheme we came up with. And you know again as children and young adults it's useful. To know how to behave in the world so that you get along with and you get along in your family. And then as we become mature there's the possibility that we could. Be free of our unconscious childhood decisions and learn to make choices and when you make a choice is a good it's not like a choice is a choice. It's not actually a decision it's a choice and we make choices and if you make a choice you know you're happy idea. Oh it's might be the wrong choice it like where you can do. And it would be possible and how would you know what your choice was the right one or not because you can only live one life in a time and you can't go back and say well if I said a choice and I didn't and which would have been better still which was a better choice. And. So we don't know. If there was also mentioning a couple days ago you know oftentimes people who are doing spiritual practice. You know the choice to make is to train or to make any choices. Because it seems like any choice you make you're going to get in trouble. If you start to do what you. Really cheaters are what's in your heart it may not look. Like what other people want to see. I mean might be disappointed or upset or unhappy with you. You choose what. Well so you know once it's your choice in not just doing what you're supposed to be doing you're responsible for this comes up all the time in cooking. People want to have a recipe because if you follow the recipe and do it you're supposed to be it doesn't work out. I follow the recipe I get where it's goes to do it's better it's a big sorry about that. You know so I'm not to blame I'm not responsible for this not working out so as long as you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. Or what you think you know it's the right thing to be doing you know if it's anything that goes wrong it's not your fault you did we supposed to follow the rules everybody should be fun and it was. Following the rules. If you actually make a choice now you are certainly responsible and somebody may not like it and then they may. Look at you and. Be upset with you are disappointed. And one of the big things that also happens then is when you actually making a choice in your life. And you choose to do something it is not following your childhood rules in your childhood stage and you you will feel like you are going to get hurt. Because what happens if you know are Jewish it can get punished if they. Get mysterious and Morpheus they will punish you the world will see to it will punish you. If you do not follow you know you're. Right big example about this is you know a couple summers ago my friend from high school came to visit from Portman and he called me he said I'm coming to visit I'm getting in my car I said I don't have time to see you I'm getting regular trips I just have to do I'm getting ready for three workshops I don't have time to see well I'm coming to see you. I mean you're not here it's something that I'm telling you I'm bringing you some books OK to maybe bring up some books but I don't have time to see to. I just down I mean sorry I'm maybe I'm stressed they have all kinds of thing to do before I leave and I've got to get I've got to get all my script together for the workshops and the classes and you know I think I do not have time but I'm driving six hundred miles to see. OK well maybe and then I call him back well you know really I don't have to I'm sorry. And then it fits well OK well I'm going to come and drop the books up anyway. Right now and. Then I got to thinking about this answer thinking. He's probably going to come in but I'm I asked. Because I'm not doing what you know you're supposed to you know to be friendly it's my oldest friend from high school it's my oldest and it's it's supposed to stay reaction of course I can see you I will make time for you I will set aside all of my responsibilities and I will be there for you dear friend of many years and I'm not doing this I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do so start thinking he's going to bring my own stamp. I'm going to be here it's going to start a fire he's going to you know he's going to trash my place and I did you know I got really worried I talked to my neighbor. Was kind of level headed. I talked to my neighbor Jennifer. She'd been I've been consulting her about this is it OK if I just say I don't have time you know that's the way that's what happens in life you know people sometimes you know it does. And you know and you have choices you can make a choice here and this is a choice you have. Nobody you know watching and she said and. It is there are some history of violence. You know you're not telling me about. Well no but you know guys sometimes do it if they say you know they will follow a woman NEWS STREAM know that they disappointed or upset with the track and then they will you know attack them and you know do terrible things. Because they are not doing what you do they want you to do it somebody wants you to do so they will come after you and there's little enow could happen which is it's Ed You see when that happens there's a history of violence. You know a history here but anyway the point of this is. A time you don't follow your rules. You don't do what you're supposed to do he will start to feel like. I mean danger and are I could get I could get hurt for this I could get punished. Some think it goes I'm going to happen so. Now I don't doubt that was the first time I was willing to disappoint a friend. I'm sixty now I'm sixty four that's very good sixty one or sixty two years old is it OK to disappoint somebody it's going to. Yeah and it's like it's like you know it's you it's your parents which are disappointing. And it and you know don't disappoint me and. But you feel like you know when you break the rules you don't fall and you start to do what actually. Makes sense for your life. You're going to choose something you start to worry you start to stress it's going it what's going to happen to me I could get I could get hurt from it. And you don't know how it's going to come out we don't know our choices but you know we can make choices and. The home I mention this morning there's those lines you know the wooden gets up to sing a stone woman gets up to dance said Mrs Vander standing in stand that there's. You know there's a person inside who has been you know wouldn't. There's a person inside who's been frozen in stone. And doesn't care. For that singer and dancer speak or act doesn't care because they could be in their criticized. So this is also the understanding that you know rather than be criticized by someone else I will censor myself better than they ever could before they have a chance. Before anybody else had a chance you could say I will answer myself better than they possibly could so I will say there's no chance that I can get. Called on the carpet and you know this is one of the so this will manifest this kind of. And it's in your life you know will manifest in various ways where we start to feel at some point we can start to feel pretty dead you know pretty wooden pretty stiff pretty stern like that much. We don't have much capacity for what's inside how do I express how to express you know basic Greenhill we're talking about it's hard to express my heart. My real caring concerning you know something real to express to something real. And it's also you know and it's then it's also you know feelings and can I know what I'm feeling when I feel it in you can I find a way to express it it is not attacking hurting harming others by expression it I'd like you to know that's what I feel and sometimes you know we I certainly am not able to do that and I can be explosive at times at one point you know John kept it since wiped my learning junkets in his book My work at my house for dinner and he said Oh do you get exposed when you probably should read a book by greening on the explosive child and you can learn how to live with yourself you know read I got the book on The Explosive Child and it says you need to be the grown up I need to be the guard up no I'm exposed to a child I don't sit there and take two people I can't I can't be The Explosive Child and we could. But. Anyway things are getting better but still really. Explosive anymore a large part of my explosiveness was it turns out you know from Taipei behavior trying to do too much. So there's less of it. Happen sometimes. So this is about you know is there a way to have what has been personal or stuck or stiff inside you know out of it. So for me this is very important this is a broke you know having a life coming alive. And it and it has something to do it's. You know to be finding out we have a whole lifetimes to do. Here to find out how to. Appear. Can hide. What's actually going on with it so that. Nobody can see what might be a problem. And we won't have to face the possibility of disapproval. And will go along with things that we don't really choose to go along with OK I'll see you and resent you for a bit up pretend it's fine and I'm enjoying my time with you I do the best it can to be changed street seating. But actually. Step Children. So. It's very interesting to me I don't know you know I found cooking to be a place right can express myself. And I think we know we can find places in our life where we can express yourself a little by little from cooking worked up to seeing if I can express myself with people. And again it's I was mentioning earlier part of by the way. Why we get explosive is because you know we're trying so hard to be contained and to stay within the parameters that we believe are the predators that a human being should stay within in order to. Be an acceptable human being to people like us and not have disapproval and etc and the more. The more you lock your stuff up the more another part of you will explode and. One aspect certainly is you know one possibility for why we get depressed sometimes. Being so shut down. And not being willing to actually express them and if that's what's inside and that's depressing at some point a lot of energy there and sometimes if you can just personally if you're not willing to be angry you can. Be a lot of other things. You can't have passion determination intensity and. Creativity. A lot of other aspects if you know you have to be to be sure to contain yourself that means containing a lot of other things besides things. Like. The simple understanding that it takes certain muscles to express your anger and in your case is a craving L.C.P.. You've got yourself locked down locked up. So I think it's important you know to. Find something and you know people say you know it's possible to do a city. Sitting you can. Teaching you know it's something you can do with passion and energy and it's a really safe place to get it and you can really put yourself into it and see what. Inner chasers focus and. Sit up straight doing. Vitalize yourself and see what you can nurture see what you can find out or see what happens when. There's many things that we can have action porn it doesn't have to be you know there's no. Use in there what or how useful that there's something that you. Or something can cope with. There's an in everything in your life can be like. Some areas like. Pushing for us. So I think I'm ready to bring up to stand. By. Mr Goh constituent change. And it goes like. A great road has no gate it begins in your. Birth there is no fixed pathways yet it finds its way to your nostrils and becomes your bread so now we meet. Somehow we meet. And so the guy. We meet. And it's in the. Great House comes tumbling down. And start a police fly. It's the right time of year where you can say maple leaves fly and scatter spring it's been saying. For Stern ish the iris popping to blossom. Tulips. Appear. So you know again one thing I want to point out about this you know I was. Telling you if you just do this then you know you'll get it right and. The idea of sitting is not so much that you get it right but that you have a way to observe things carefully away to see what's going on. Getting distracted about getting something finishing dishes getting a meal cooked and you can just. See how those powders Reich's periods there starts and feelings. Of things work and also of course in sitting something we haven't talked about so much but as you're sitting you start you're just sitting. Here going to stir fry ending your bread to stir fry ending in places inside we've kept things in storage difficult thoughts are painful feelings are the memories that you weren't doing everything to do it think you just get really. There and you have to know where you're good so good you don't go there. You go where you got stuck inside staying where not to go and then you start setting static. And then you have your sadness and sorrow and grief and memories and steps are surfacing. And this is. You know part of clearing the way for somebody to come alive. And oftentimes you know mythologically by the way. And this point is not so much. Sin people don't seem to mention that. You know what's going to melt the stone. And soften the would be cheers. Oh well and you know they did cheers her up and the first thing. You know something's coming alive. And he. Was no longer you know replied through it is no longer sadistic and something can move because there's and so many feelings and memories and thoughts. And you start to breeding just. Because it's come to the surface and then you don't have to spend the rest of your life avoiding it being careful not to do anything that might touch a bit of stuff that you didn't want to do it so that you would get on with. Your look so this is sometimes considered to be nuking up the basement or attic. You know the housekeeping record and step away. But then you have a different kind of possibility of energy in your life. And it's some point. You know what you do if you. Work in this relationship in there certainly and things that go. Right in your painting and cooking and gardening and walking. Being. Certain many activities. Theater. Teaching. So the Great Way has no gate. Just nothing. And you're already on the. Major joke and you said good first thing if you're interested in some construe trust that your life already on trust in Buddhism and your choice but it isn't it's a choice that your life gets you are already on the path that your life this is the only path but there is there is not some other path and you take what I say why doesn't it work any better. That's the path is you know your way along it's not working very well in what direction to go from here. And making some choices but where I go from here there's no gate like to get through a pastor. Or life you know it's another way of saying you know if you are. If you're a Christian you know. It's part of God's plan or something the first thing is to believe in or to trust that your life. You know your life is the way there's not so sometimes people think well you know I want to be on the Buddhist way where there's not all these little roadblocks and. You know. Because it seems to me it to go around detours is that so many roadblocks indeed I want the path we just kind of it's just kind of. Speed. And I want to kind of path it's kind of like those culprits and sort of like the creek with all those rocks. Actually you don't want the culprit. You know what the life would. Be what the life of the rocks and where you keep bumping up against things and find your way. Around. Or there's an erosion in the water and you know the water will find its way or life will find it's right. And you don't need it you don't need a way you need some problems we need issues we need something to do with their spouse. And often the something to do with her so she knows the wounds we've got in our childhood we need to we need to heal them. You know we're here here so you get wounded. That's the way it starts to get wounded and that's your character your character is the marks from the scars of your words. And then you spend time working through all that stuff working on those things. Finding your way that's the bad. There's not some special Buddhist app it doesn't have big issues that you. Really get away from your issues and your problems and have a nice Buddhist pristine spiritual life. Very nervous and you see. People holding parents all live here with it but. Fans are you know. The great way as locate it begins in your own mind so every been talking about it. Has begins and you're. Making child you decisions that you know could be choices and this is what you know minds to use to. See if you are she in August and said you know Greece or understands there's two aspects to reality relativity absolute and you know one of the main problems we have mystery and danger as we compete with religion in the absolute. And we hear about you know composure is possible and calmest. It's possible and we take it literally I'm going to still the relative. Right stillness and calmness and quiet This is the nature of consciousness. It's nature to be absolute So to find that stillness is actually a way in your awareness moving exactly with things that swing your stillness it's. You know it's like the example of trained scoring and when the chains are moving at the same speed being. In are going to changes and seem to be moving. So in your consciousness exactly which your grip can say I agree with you thinking exactly with which if you're right it's very stiff but we think in order to have stillness I need to have everything completely quiet I need to not have any thoughts coming up I need to not having it fills coming up I need to be able over my consciousness sitting up in a right. Because this is where you know the old Chinese foreign minister would say this is an obstruction to the way and I say not to think some of you are making your minds like stone. Which is not what I mean and. So sometimes we try to do some literal kind of I will do that stillness literally. And. One translation of that citrus is. This is an obstacle to that. And when I say not to think I mean it you know without thinking of it. I think nothing of it is if you have a thought and your mind just accept it look at it and when you don't it's not like when you start thinking how do I get rid of its thought how do I get rid of the study for it's causing disturbance. Not the thought itself so we set out to do. Anyway because I want to go to a great weight has no gate on the path begins in your own mind. It's not something from outside it's something that you can sort up for yourself. That bread has no fixed the air has no fixed pathways yet it finds its way to your nostrils and becomes your bread so much of our life it's. Happening with having to worry about it. And nobody is figuring out in advance figuring out it's. It's the. Scenario we need like misfits or bandits of the Dharma. Spirits or bandaids of these Chinese century is a silly question sometimes it's not so now we meet like Runner post saying spiritual people make it into get rather light can read if it can get Britain. So superbly in magnificent need sweet it we're going to bring. But it would. Spread. So that somehow we need like misfits or bandits. You know we're we're not. It's like sick you know so she meets instead. Wouldn't it be great. If you did again and if I weren't so evil or much good and then you can negate that evil. Grin that the wonderful thing you said but unfortunately really line between good and evil it runs right through the middle of each person's heart Andrew Cuomo eliminate half of them stuff that's. Just another way of saying you know. Kate the great road isn't it OK to be. So are you going to. So we think I can identify this but we're misfits. You know we're good and bad and you know depending on who's looking and what day it is in your stand and it's good it looks bad we're just never. Going to be able to get it all right and you know I thought I could explain years trying I'm sorry I've been a failure I'm a misfit I thought you know I could actually learn how to. Present myself in a way that was just geared and everybody just loved. I can't do that it. Just doesn't seem to work like. Misfits and it's and how are you going to say no to frame dinner. But I'm driving sixty miles I absolutes for you. But. It's also true that is timid and rather was looking at the redwoods thinking you need to go see her so. It wasn't all of me. I mean you know I sort of try to be a decent person but you know on just nod. Or subjugation person. We're humans. I mean I'm lowkey you know is it good to be in a movie I mean in low gear and Doris told me you're in a mood because you're not technology you're not the Dalai Lama you're you and you've got problems and people get to see you having problems. And she said I think it's very encourage people and they get a little she because she said OK listen to you if you're so Spears to be better in advance than there who would your kids are going to say why would anyone listen she. Has that person and what do they know about you. That you would be ended. It if you can't get it right you do can you know. BE SUCH A GREAT PERSON Yes. I think this is a case where. Well I think you know the. Saying And the story. And it's mystifying what to do. In the face of it you know apparently in Sarajevo. I saw a picture one time of the man sitting there getting station you know playing his cello and me with his cello there we did certain. Things that make all the difference. Probably but you know. There's something. You know we can. Do to. Share. And you know connect and raise. You know and over to connect need to share. Relate. Study together work together. Something in. Prayer. Is prayer work and it turns out that you know there are dozens of scientific studies that show. He considers it one of the best kept secrets of Western science. But that's sort of like saying you know the placebo effect works. And when people study which trick to give you they're trying to eliminate the placebo effect when actually the placebo effect is when the rest are pulling she can do to kill anybody. But they have to eliminate that suited their drug works better than the placebo effect. Thanks. So prayer were expected to work absolutely. But. You know it works it works and the best prayer. He describes there they did do scientific experiment Popper States and clone to mold to Close enough states. And they have it in three different areas and they there's one that nobody prays for one hundred people praying that the public is big and tall and the third one everybody is praying they will be down and. Or exhibit you can see him in the best results occur. And that one group is the best the one we just say. I get your Buddhist of which to the perfection of wisdom the lovely the holy says like it isn't it. And when you start thinking that things work better. It's a very mysterious how does that work so. Then people find it useful to pay and so do you when you're praying in that sense is. Size and is a form of this prayer. In a pain for anything it's just a. Speedy way they are about that. Which and made the best kind of all of this and you're here I've been staying in your intention is to be with things and to and to let your life flower. To the best come of this. And however it might manifest itself you don't know if in a new way along in the dark. And. That's very powerful it turns out. And you know it doesn't solve everything because and take care of everything it is just some things today are beyond any about to do much about. You know France and Germany or tell me you know it's really painful that. The way that the West especially American Hollywood make this the German problem because it's not a German problem you know the Russians did it. The Turks stated in Armenia the Russians did it in crane we. Read killed Native Americans we go to Iraq you know we've killed hundreds of millions of people in Iraq you know we go we go in and we've made a mess of Iraq so it's not just a. You know it's the this is you know people and the amazing thing is that you know and I mean with all of that you know we're actually using human race were successful enough to you know. Bring about climate change and possibly demise to our success. The way there's no it's it's hard to know what to do with all of it because so much of that work in so many. Forces you know in other words it's so. Impossible I would say chewed it you know what to do and it's going to make all the difference. And so then if you're trying to make all the difference you can get completely paralyzed and have too much of anything because they can't make all the difference so we. Find a place like sneakers to shine in one corner. Or place and in our own life and in our own hearts in our relationship with the world and things around us and nearby it's to be with things being it's to a life and and have something wake up inside you know and it's just. Playing a cello in the middle of a station. Where it is. I do it typically would be a. Start somewhere start anywhere. The ordinary to be obvious. So. Then there's a great house comes tumbling down. From a great house or this old structure of it we created a new we thought needed to be maintained and fixed up and improved. Construct of what our life it's to look like. It was in ruins. So the poem routing bitching. Means teacher in China I may just be making a step you know. I know it's hard to find it's hard to track down I've tried sometimes but I still think you know every so often I come across it maybe all you know that it's reaching I could be wrong and I just maybe it's from up and credit to be reaching and you would cite it like you. Probably did it you know it could be. But you know if you memorize a poem and you were said No it's yours so that's where if you memorize it being restated when you get to change the lines you want. To change that's why at the end of the poem sometimes you know it's spring it's not astonish me police fly scatter you know it's astonished. Blossoms Jasmine. OK. And. Said this story minds me of another Sure. Japanese. Practice for many years then one morning he was offering incentives. And she looked up and the light was coming through the window. And you've never seen it before it's been a police line skater. And he said for thirty years they've tried to sweep away the ghost. You know quiet my mind you know get rid of the kind of problematic things that are happening. For thirty years they're trying to strip away the debt it's going to I realize that the sweeping was creating more dash. I look up in the morning light shines through the window everything is completely new it's one great house you know the great cars comes time to go and so we. You know we make choices that only. We give ourselves to things and then we can choose something else. We can say you have silicon saying our own. Thank you.