Good afternoon. So, one of the things I've been talking about today, I mean, we started with direct experience. Whatever you see, whatever you do, can be your direct experience of reality when you give yourself to it without so much concern for self. You know, how it will reflect on you. And, but another one of my subjects today has become the fact of trying to mention, you know, that even if you do meditation, it won't necessarily save you from, you know, the full catastrophe. As John Kabat-Zinn calls it, you know, from Carlos Castaneda and Zerba the Greek. This is the full catastrophe whether you meditate

[01:08]

or not. And I want to tell you a story, you know, that kind of exemplifies this for me. You know, a couple of years ago, my computer was dying. I'd had a PC for a number of years and it's actually stopped working at one point and then it mysteriously started working again. And in the meantime, my friend who's my computer doctor, wizard, guru, person, I'm not one of them, but I have friends, said, you might want to check out the Macs. So I said, there's a store in Cota Madera in the mall. You could go in and see what, see if you like Macs and you might want to get a Mac this time. So I went to the mall in Cota Madera. I don't know if I've ever been to that mall before, maybe once or twice. I don't go to malls much. Some

[02:09]

people seem to spend their lives there, or so I hear. But I got to the mall, I parked, and then I went to the, you know, the big thing that says, you are here. Because I didn't know where to go in the mall to get to the Apple store. And I started thinking about the Tibetan teacher who says, you Americans always want to get someplace. Why don't you find out where you are? Things will go better if you start from where you are rather than just trying to get somewhere else. And so I followed the directions on the thing from where I hear, you are here, and I followed along and I went around to the back and there's the Apple store. And I could tell even from outside, you know, there's a lot of energy coming out of this store. And in the window there was all this pink, or magenta pink, not magenta, but fuchsia. Fuchsia, bright fuchsia

[03:16]

stuff. And apparently you could get a fuchsia nano iPod, or your nano iPod in various colors, I thought, right? Of course. And I got into the store and I started kind of looking at the computers and I didn't really know what to do to try them out. And there was a lot of people in the store who seemed to know just what they were doing and really throwing themselves into it. And they were trying out this thing and that thing and talking to people in the store. And there was a big TV screen, high definition television screen, about three by four feet or something, because you can download movies over your Apple and watch them on your high definition television or however that works. I don't know. And finally I was kind of wandering around the store and a woman came up to me and she said, are you being helped? Could I help you? I said no. And then she said, can I help you? And I said, well, I don't know. I'm actually kind of

[04:19]

overwhelmed by all the energy in the store and everybody seems to know what they're doing and I don't and I feel kind of lost and confused and overwhelmed. And she said, excuse me, but have you tried meditating? So, you know, you don't know what to say, you know. I said, well, yeah, a little. I mean, do I want to say like, yeah, I've been meditating for more than 40 years now and I guess it didn't work the way it's supposed to. I'm still getting overwhelmed. Oh, well. So I said, well, I've, yeah, I've meditated a little. How about you? And so then she started telling me all about how she meditates and she is a teacher in Corte Madera. So eventually she helped me a little bit. And then the next time I came back with my friend, the computer, my computer doctor,

[05:30]

and then he said, now let's sit outside here and, you know, kind of map out our plan before we go in. So I did get an iMac or a Mac or an Apple or something. And I did get one of the Fuchsia Nano iPods, partly because the CD player on my car had stopped working and my friend said, if you get a pink Nano iPod, you can, you can also get one of these, it's called a monster. You know, it's a, it's a tape thing that also has a cord coming out from it that you can plug into your Nano iPod and you can play your Nano iPod to the tape player rather than through the CD. What do I know? So, life is good. Anyway, this story reminds me about how, you know, meditation doesn't necessarily mean that you won't have problems even, and, you know, I think meditation helps, but it's not like an immunization or a kind of insurance policy that nothing will go wrong.

[06:50]

And I do, as I was saying in the question and answer period, you know, when things do go wrong, or we have some difficulty or disappointment, heartbreak, you know, grief, we think, we tend to think, oh, there must be something wrong with me. And, because Buddhism says, if you, I guess I must have some attachment. And, you know, frankly, I think there's some attachments that you could have. I mean, somebody I heard recently was saying, you know, craving attachment, it's like a baby nursing in its mother's breast. And that might even be a classic Buddhist teaching, I don't know, but if it is, I don't think that's, you know, a useful description of craving or attachment. A baby nursing? I don't think, you know, I think craving is when you've had enough and then you still want more.

[07:54]

Or, you know, it's more like my next door neighbor, her daughter wants ice cream right before dinner and she says, no, Ruby, let's wait until after dinner. I'd like you to wait until after dinner. And Ruby says, you're mean, mean mommy, mean, I hate you. And my next door neighbor says to her, Ruby, this is what we call disappointment. There's going to be lots of times in your life when you can't have what you want and you might be disappointed, you might start studying now how to be, you know, to be able to be disappointed and not attack somebody because you were disappointed. Because when you attack me, like you were doing there, I feel hurt and I don't, it's not comfortable for me to be around you. So I'd like you to study this and learn how to be disappointed without attacking me. So that's a little different, like, ice cream before dinner than, you know, baby nursing at its mother's breast. I never got to do that, so now I have some cravings.

[09:05]

That's a different matter. But, you know, it's carried to the extreme, like, do you feel like inhaling? Oh, I guess you have some attachment. I mean, there's a lot to life, it's just, it's just life. And we will have attachments and we will have cravings and then, you know, at some point we're studying what's in the normal course, you know, if you're hungry, eat. And then I teach people sometimes, I say, you know, how about enjoying your food? And then people are like, uh-oh, no, I couldn't enjoy it, I might start to have cravings. So this is where Buddhism is often not subtle enough to distinguish. What's the difference between enjoyment, craving, attachment, greed, lust, excitement, you know, gluttony?

[10:11]

And just to enjoy something, you could actually enjoy something. And then, as I mentioned this morning during the instruction, joy in Buddhism is where your heart, your mind, consciousness resonates with the object of awareness. You're moved by something, you're touched by something. And then, so much of the time Buddhists go like, oh no, I have to be careful not to do that, I better stay disconnected from everything. Because if I'm disconnected from everything, I won't suffer. Of course, you might be a little lonely. Do you understand? And I love it that this is in fairy tales, you know. And some of you have heard me talk, I'm sure, about Rapunzel. And Rapunzel's in her tower. And the witch says, you can have anything you want, you just can't leave the tower. It's all going to be really nice here. We'll fix it up for you. And at some point, you know, she lets the prince come up because she doesn't want to stay in this tower, in this isolation. Is that because she has some kind of craving or attachment? It's human nature that we want to connect. Our hearts want to connect with life and with our own being and with other people. Our hearts, our minds, our consciousness wants to connect. That's what consciousness does.

[11:38]

So what makes it a craving or attachment is giving out the instructions, telling things how they should be to make me happy. When you start telling the object of awareness how it needs to be different than it is, why? And that moment of consciousness has already passed. So I study what is the difference between enjoyment and then when I get excited. And once you start to get excited, like eating, then you can't taste anymore. There's excitement and you're not savoring or receiving the experience so much, you're consuming it. And then you can go from there into greed, where you want to get rid of what's in your mouth so you can have more. And the only way to get rid of it is to swallow it.

[12:41]

So once you get greedy, you can't have the experience you're having. But joy is where you actually have the experience you're having, you meet it, you resonate with it, you receive it, and then have the next moment. So anyway, there's often a confusion in Buddhism that you start to think, I shouldn't have any craving, I shouldn't have any attachment, then how do I have any joy? How do I have any connection? So this is also to say that desire can also be your true heart's desire. Not just any desire that comes along, but what's your true heart's desire? For connection, for well-being, for satisfaction, for enjoyment. Not for excitement, for greed, for consuming. Not for giving out directives and telling everything how it needs to be. That's not our true heart's desire. It's to resonate with things. To be in connection.

[13:48]

And in Zen, you know, Suzuki used to call this your inmost request. And your inmost request, what do you want, what is it you want most of all? What is your inmost request? And he also called it the most important point. What's the most important point? And then you can keep coming back to that and it's not like you abandon yourself so that you don't suffer and live in Rapunzel's tower. Do you know what happens after the prince comes out the second time, I think it is, and the witch discovers him there? Bound to happen. She's furious. And he jumps out the window of the tower to escape the witch's wrath. And there's thorn bushes down below and his eyes get poked out. And then the witch sends Rapunzel flying through the air across a couple continents or two to the other side of some distant desert. So then both Rapunzel and the prince wander the world for years.

[14:59]

And this is what happens once you decide, I want connection. Does it automatically work? It doesn't automatically work. It's our true heart's desire and then many things happen and it doesn't work out. But it's what we want rather than staying in the tower. And it takes years. Years and years go by. Rapunzel and the prince are wandering the world. And finally one day he hears her singing, which he'd heard her singing years before in the tower. He hears her singing and he says, Rapunzel, is that you? And she looks and she says, you know, it's 20, 30 years later. Yes. She recognizes him and she says yes. And then she starts crying and of course her tears bring back his eyesight. So to actually succeed at this business of connection, of realizing our heart's desire, of having connection and intimacy, relationship,

[16:10]

you know, it takes a long, it can take a long time. And it's often, you know, when things, you know, and that's where difficulty is. It's not hard to just stay in your tower. You know, I have a nice safe place here and it's a nice spot to hang out and I've got a great view. And the tower is also known as, you know, your head. And the Kali-Gurus and Suzuki-Gurus used to say, Zen is to settle the self on the self. It's like move out of your tower into the, into your body. Re-inhabit yourself. Reconnect with your larger being. Your body. So this is, to me it's also interesting then that, as I mentioned at one point,

[17:23]

I started doing this with food, becoming intimate with food and cooking and, you know, intimate in meditation. But you can also start with relationships. And we're studying, you know, how to actually be in connection, in relationship. And, you know, our culture gives us the idea that to be happy is, you know, you won't have to relate to anything. I've been telling people in my cooking, in my workshops, I'm not in my workshops, but, you know, my book readings. If you're in the market and there's the packages that are so bright and they've done all the marketing, so those packages grab your attention with their colors and their lettering and their design. They're going to grab your attention. Buy me, buy me, buy me. I'm quick, I'm easy. You won't have to relate to me at all. And this is, you know, the American ideal for happiness. When what we truly want, you know, is to actually relate and to have the difficulty of what do I do with this?

[18:33]

How do I cook this? How do I... Do I want to spend time in the kitchen? Am I going to not know what to do and struggle through this? Or should I just get something already done that I don't have to relate to? And, you know, we choose where's the place that we will actually spend some time and work at relating. And, you know, oftentimes it's our kids. Sometimes it's our kids, our parents, our partners. Sometimes we are fortunate to have a craft or, you know, to be a musician or an artist or a writer. Or, you know, we have some skills and gifts that we can share with the world and we work at them. So, you know, for me, you know, today then I would say, you know, for meditation is when we have a chance to give our attention,

[19:55]

give our awareness to our experience more than telling our body, our mind what it needs to do to make me happy. It's how are you doing? What's going on? How is it for you to be here on the planet in this place at this time? And I'm willing to spend some time with you today. And, of course, if you haven't spent much time with yourself for a while, you know, one of the first things is, why haven't you? You know, it's like cooking. If you don't pay attention to something for a while, pretty soon it's burned. And the next thing you know, it has a problem. You didn't pay attention to me. I'm upset. I'm burnt. And the parts of yourself that, you know, you abandoned and, you know, distanced, moved up in the tower to get away from, you know, they're not happy to start with.

[20:56]

So, when you have, if you have anger or sadness or despair, it's just the presenting, you know, initial presenting emotion of your deep life force, you know, coming up in your being. You acknowledge that and meet that and let that grow inside you and transform. And it transforms of its own. You don't need to tell it what to do or how to be. So, thank you for being here today and spending some time with your you. I want to mention Latisha is going to lead some restorative yoga in a few minutes. I would like to mention a couple of things. One is that there's a donation basket over here by the door. The fees you pay to Green Gulch all go to support Green Gulch.

[22:04]

So, Latisha and I offer teaching free of charge. We welcome your teaching donations. And my encouragement is to, or suggestion is that you offer the same amount that you gave to Green Gulch, that you offer that as a teaching donation. But if that's, you know, more than you wish to offer, then, you know, offer something less. And if you move to offer more, you're certainly welcome to do that as well. And so that's the basket here. Whether you make the check out to the, I have a tax exempt religious non-profit, the Peaceful Sea Sangha. But regardless of whether you make the check out to the Peaceful Sea Sangha or Ed Brown and Co. It all goes into the Peaceful Sea Sangha. So, if you give enough at the end of the year, I'll send you a letter. Otherwise, you have to keep track of it on your own. What else do I use to announce now? Next workshop?

[23:06]

What is that? I'm doing a workshop later in this month about what is the most important point. Which I'm not going to tell you, you know. But, but I don't know what, I don't have any plans for that. But the reading I gave earlier is, we have copies of that on the bench outside if you'd like to pick one up when you're ready to go. So, thank you. Latisha's going to offer some restorative yoga. After that, we'll sit for a few minutes and then call it a day. The last period after the restorative yoga, we sit face in the middle of the room. Okay, thank you.

[23:46]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ