Move on to or come back to chocolate. So this is page 24 We're going to start here at the beginning As all things and we'll just do the first page here ready As all things are Buddha Dharma there is delusion and realization Practice birth and death and there are Buddhas and sentient beings As the myriad things are without an abiding self. There is no delusion. No realization No Buddha no sentient being and no birth and death The Buddha way is basically leaving clear of the many of the one Thus there are birth and death delusion in realization sentient beings and Buddhas Yet in attachment blossoms fall and in aversion weeds spread To carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion

[01:03]

The myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening Those who have great realization of delusion are Buddhas Those who are greatly deluded about realization are sentient beings Those who continue realizing beyond realization in the delusion throughout delusion When Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not necessarily notice that they are Buddhas However, they are actualized Buddhas who go on actualizing Buddhas When you see forms or hear sounds fully engaging body and mind you grasp things directly Unlike things and their reflection in the mirror and unlike the mirror Reflection in the water when one side is illuminated. The other side is dark Study the Buddha way is to study the self to study the self is to forget the self To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things

[02:05]

When actualized by myriad things your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away No trace of realization remains and this no trace continues endlessly When you first seek Dharma, you are imagine you are far away from its environs But Dharma is already correctly transmitted. You are immediately your original self Boat and watch the shore you might assume that the shore is moving When you rise closely on the boat, you can see that the boat moves Similarly if you examine myriad things with the confused body and mind you might suppose that your mind and nature are permanent But when you practice intimately and return to where you are, it will be clear that nothing at all has unchanging self So we're stopping there Okay

[03:16]

So again, good afternoon and welcome Chocolates coming around apparently anybody would like some That's the very end of the ganja coin, excuse me The master the nature of wind is permanent and there's no place it does not reach Why then are you fanning yourself? This is like the nature of chocolate is permanent and there is no place. It does not reach then Now, why are you eating it? and then he says Although you understand the nature of the wind is permanent. You do not understand the meaning of its reaching everywhere what is the meaning of its reaching everywhere and then he puts the chocolate in his mouth and Is There anywhere the chocolate hasn't reached the chocolate it reaches everywhere

[04:23]

Okay All right, so last seems like weeks ago, doesn't it we had a class and We talked about the first part of the ganja koan and I was introducing you to my translation of ganja koan Which cause translates as actualizing the fundamental point and I've simplified the translation and called it getting real And in reality as all things are Buddha Dharma There's delusion and realization practice birth and death and there's the Buddhist and sentient beings So this is like when you really see how things are It's not like you can get to some place You know like some people have the notion of the easy chair of enlightenment or you break through into some marvelous free beautiful space and you never have to go back to all that Painful stuff ever again So that's not real. That's not real

[05:28]

That's a fantasy oh Man What is the Buddhist way Well Yeah Well, there's delusion and enlightenment so there's there's suffering and there's an end to suffering so in reality there's suffering and there's an end to suffering Yeah There's suffering and there's an end to suffering there's the cause of suffering and there's the way to end suffering, but You know often, you know the good, you know the way to understand that is not when you end stuff, you know, the way you end suffering is the eightfold path in that case and That's you know the practice of a lifetime So that also means that each moment that you're practicing is the practice of a lifetime Suffering also suffering is there but you're practicing with it in such a way that it's not suffering

[06:33]

But you know impermanence doesn't go anyplace You know suffering doesn't go anyplace there's always uncertainty to our lives and Things are changing and we don't know what's going to happen next and one could become anxious or Stressed and then and then what and then what did what does one do? So each moment, you know It's we can understand that the four noble truths are implicit in any one moment or we can understand that you know like cause for instance in enlightenment unfolds And this is again classic Soto Zen We don't practice in order to get enlightenment and Suzuki Roshi said this also because you're enlightened you practice You have some understanding that brings you to practice and that practice is an expression of your enlightenment and then but we sit there and go oh

[07:37]

How do I get the enlightenment? but then you're not in recognizing the enlightenment you have except when you practice there are times when you forget yourself and Things come forward which is what we're talking about today. Things come forward and realize themselves and you're you know, and and then it's as though you've ended suffering and Other moments you're not that's not that's so it's like it can be seen as a circle or it can be seen as simultaneous But it's not like ending suffering once and for all that's finished. Thank God Yeah Well, it depends on you know your It depends on you know on how we use language or understand language Okay Because you know

[08:40]

There's in you know for whether you're Buddha or not. There's still Heat and cold and there's still various feelings You know and for instance in the Buddha's lifetime at one point he stopped, you know the neighboring country from invading his country sat under a tree and the invading army came and and he sat there and they he talked with the invading Emperor King and they went away and later they came back and invaded his country and they dug a huge pit and Had you know hundreds of people in the pit and had elephants stomp them and then buried them and I would guess that the Buddha felt something about that You know that he didn't just go like oh, I'm in bliss, you know Geez, you know some people I know, you know perished hundreds of them in a huge pit This is something that happened in his lifetime So on one hand you can say so, you know, so there's a suffering or a painful thing that's happening

[09:45]

So I don't think we can say and then we can also say You know in some way the Buddha practiced with that so that he wasn't afflicted by that and then sometimes you say when he practiced with that so that he wasn't Unduly afflicted by it or you know, and then it's like But you know, we're all people whether we're Buddha or not And there's painful difficult things that happened in all of our lives another example of this is The Tibetan teacher Marpa Whose whatever it was eight-year-old son or daughter died and he was in incredible grief and His students said to him But teacher isn't everything impermanent and All things are bound to come to isn't this all just an illusion? and he said yes, and this is the most painful illusion anyone can have and I'm grieving and Then it's not and then is it a suffering to grieve

[10:50]

So some people understand it's a suffering to grieve and then then if you're a Buddha or if you're Marpa Suffering is not a grief It's not suffering I mean the grief is not suffering it's you're grieving and you don't go like what's wrong with me I'm grieving damn. This is such an this is an illusion. I shouldn't be suffering. I shouldn't be grieving You know, you have the grief and and you're not upset about having grief So this is this is the end of suffering is not to be upset about having grief It's not that you don't have grief. So now if you call the grief suffering You know if you're if you suffer with the grief that's different So that you can put an end to the suffering with grief and and have your grief so then other people will look at you with your grief and you can look at your own grief and then and Tentatively speaking you can call that suffering or somebody may call that suffering But you you are and in a certain sense, you know, you are in all of that

[11:55]

Suzuki or she talked about somebody who a Zen teacher was dying and I think him or cut a gear where she did And he said I don't want to die and then if you know you say oh They see a Zen teacher. I mean, shouldn't you just be? Equanimity about life and death and be completely willing to die. What's wrong with him? Does he enlightened or not? You know as he as he accomplished his eightfold way as he put it completely an end to all of this You know, there's we're human beings and so there's that's a human reaction and So on one hand you have I don't want to die. And on the other hand you accept The feeling I don't want to die. You don't fight it when you come to So another way of Nirvana talking about Nirvana or the end of suffering is You are able to be exactly with that You're not fighting against it and when you come to rest with things as they are Here's death. Here's your your friends and family and relatives being stomped by elephants

[13:00]

When you come to rest with it and you have exactly that experience and you're not fighting it. You're not you're not grasping it You're not pushing it away. You know, you're not doing the and you just have it and you let it and It's flowing with its flows through you And it arises and disappears and suffering In technical in a technical sense is you struggle with it? You're you I don't I don't like this. I don't want this. How do I get rid of it? I want this other thing I don't want this. I want to just be completely free and easy and nothing ever happens to me So, you know, this is you know important to try to get at so that your question is really important And I don't know if I've helped you with my long-winded response or not, but there you have it Yes Yeah, but what is can be very painful yeah

[14:03]

And for a certain from a certain point of view you can understand it as delusion You know and but you're not you come to rest with it. You're not you're not, you know, you're not fighting with what is Yeah Yeah, yeah You could also do like what did I stub my toe what's wrong with me? I'm such an idiot And why is the world like this? And so then you can add a bunch of stuff on to that Yes, but it's still your foot still hurts And you breathe with hurt and so you and so you're ending the the sort of extra suffering But it's not that things aren't painful

[15:04]

No, I don't know exactly which Dogen is, you know calling delusion and realization, but he gives us a little bit clue down here realization is to be aware of delusion Aware of and delusion is to not be clear about what realization is So one of our common You know understandings is we commonly think I will I? Want to improve I want to practice. I am serious about this. I want to you know put an end to suffering I want to You Know practice the Buddha way. I want to be a good Buddhist I want to succeed at what I understand the Buddha did and and then you know, how do you? measure Whether you're accomplishing this You look at phenomena and If the phenomena if and then at some point you see the phenomena are still just as painful as they always were

[16:10]

Oh gosh, I guess I haven't done this But we so when is it are we going to ever change the phenomenal world? You know the fact that our bodies feel heat and cold and Pain when we stab our toes and we get hungry and you know, we have desires we have emotions Are we ever going to change that? Not exactly, but it depends on the kind of Buddhist you are some Buddhists have more the idea. Yes, you can in certain things But the Zen tradition is more things appear and disappear and and you can and you and There's no you you're but you can you can be with this partly because you're not keeping track of yourself here he says You know you forget yourself and enough all things Come forward and realize themselves so things and whether those things are suffering or pain or heat or cold they realize themselves and

[17:17]

Then you might even be upset about the heat and at some point you go like, you know what I can't do it I'm not going to be able to do anything about this heat. Why don't I accept it? And So we're all the time moving through the arising of phenomena and our kind of resistance to it our acceptance of it our practicing with it and And we don't miss us and we're not necessarily suffering But on the but so it partly depends on your languaging. But again I'm offering you that Tentatively speaking the main delusion is thinking that things actually exist that you actually exist things actually exist and that You know, I I Which doesn't exist don't like heat And but but that was just there was a there was actually a moment of you know irritation So, why don't you just say irritated irritation because when you say I don't like heat I am irritated by the heat

[18:25]

You can't find the I You can't you know the heat the I the irritation are all One of phenomena Phenomenal and you can't separate them. You can't distinguish the I from the irritation from the heat. They're all together You can't and you can't you can't get them separate. None of those things exist separately and Yet so then we say this is about me And that and then the and then because we tended to the improvisation they have language That makes it sound like these things are all really existing. Then we start to get the idea. I could do something about this Good luck But you know when consciousness is working, I mean, it's like Suzuki or she said when you can't feel pain anymore You are about to die So when you can actually have pain it means you're alive you're healthy your body and mind are working they're functioning the way they should

[19:35]

And we're we're studying how to work with all you know The Zen approach is more like how do I work with all of this? how do I how do I allow things to inform me and You know, I could so I can work with them the trees Suffering Absolutely no provisionally

[20:46]

You Know partly this is a matter of absolute and provisional and part of what's interesting here in the Genjo Koan is that Dogen likes to start with his top-of-the-line absolute statement or most absolute or closest to absolute So in this case as when when or as at a moment of when all things are seen as Buddha Dharma There is delusion and realization practice birth and death and there are buddhas and sentient beings and that and Then and then he says and that includes the fact that there's no such thing Ultimately absolutely speaking though those they are only provisional these only exist provisionally And So even though these these things only exist provisionally there they are Even though it's an illusion that

[21:52]

You know, it's there's pain and grief with the death of a loved one People's you know, then that doesn't mean that it's not, you know provisionally it's provisionally it's real and So one of the mistakes that people make about practice and it's not just practice but it's throughout the culture it's it's denial You know and most of us throughout our lives When your pet dies mom and dad say get over it. We'll get you another dog don't cry and When things happen people tell us get don't cry you know and you know one time somebody wrote to dear Abby and It was a mom mother of a little girl who you know had been abducted and murdered or something, you know Something just really horrific and she wrote in to Abby and said here are all the things that people are telling me and I'd like To just tell them where to go Your daughter's in a better place, you know

[22:56]

Yes, but she's not here and It's a tremendous intense grief to me God must have had plans for here. I don't care So people come up with all these reasons why you are wrong to feel what you're feeling Because they want to avoid that pain And you know people all the time tell me have told me over the years Well, you know, you wouldn't have to feel that way if you didn't feel that way Get over it and you know stop that and and then people say calm down, you know relax Grow up get over it get move past it And once in a while somebody says gee you're really upset aren't you? one of my You know examples I use about and this is sort of a roundabout, you know with your question, but it's what your question is brought up

[23:59]

You know, I was doing a class here Mike one of my cooking events and I say to the class the beginning of the class We're sitting around in a circle and everybody's beginning of class is extremely anxious So is that my being anxious or is it everybody's anxiety that I'm just feeling because I'm in the room It's not really very clear and I was saying, you know, I'm kind of anxious about the start of the class here I was staying in one cabin It was the Abbott's cabin and they told me yesterday I had to move and then they came and told me I didn't have to move and then they came and told me I did have to move and then they came and told me I should move tomorrow and Then they came and told me you should move later tomorrow and then they came and told me get out of here We have some carts and put your stuff out on those carts. We're going to put some sheets on top of it And So worse and so, you know the the concept of not having any suffering is oh You're just you're just fine with everything that happens

[25:03]

You know, you don't feel anything so not to feel anything you see to me that's not real Whether you're a Buddha or you know, you're not a Buddha or you're a Buddha or you're ascension being it's not real and Suzuki Roshi said You know, you are a Buddha and you are ascension being how can you be a Buddha and ascension being this is also again part Of you know what you're bringing up the Buddha put an end to suffering and he was probably still ascension being But anyway, I Was sitting here and I said, I'm kind of I'm really anxious and I've had to move my things are in cards I don't have my notes with me and So, well, you know, let's see how it goes and the woman sitting next to me She grabbed my hand and my wrist and before I knew what it was happening My hand was between her breasts. I Thought What is my hand doing between this woman's breasts And

[26:07]

She said oh she was saying while she was grabbing my hand and pulling up to her breasts. She was saying Oh, are you anxious? I'm anxious, too And about that time I noticed like my her her heart was just going thump [...] I said my god, you are anxious. Aren't you your heart is just thumping away and Then she said yeah, and I'll bet everybody in the room is anxious, too. And then everybody relaxed We acknowledge that this is happening and there's nothing wrong with it. We're not some kind of defective You know creature because we feel anxious but you can't have the idea that well the Buddha what's never anxious and Then anxious is it anxious or is you know? And then you can also understand that the anxious, you know anxious and excitement are so close Is it anxious or is it excited? I'm really excited to be here And that's only a little shift in your consciousness. So which is it?

[27:11]

And Then you know, I have a lot of energy that's coming up to do this class and I hope it works for you And I was in another situation. I say I'm kind of anxious at the start of the class You know, they I thought we could have a you know, I was told it was Cleveland You know I was told we'd have some fresh tomatoes and I was Planning to make a fresh tomato salad and the tomatoes that are here are rather solid in their orange. They're not actually red So I'm not sure about what we're gonna do and this woman says Ed, but you've been practicing Buddhism for more than 30 years What do you have to be nervous about? How come you're still nervous? Well, I guess I'm a lousy student, you know a Buddhism, you know, why don't you? See about becoming, you know less than real and what you can do about like, oh, I never get anxious. I never get nervous You know, I just everything changes and it you know what I you know Plan on isn't gonna happen and I don't know what to do And you know, I just oh I never get stressed at all about any of that but you know, I want to do a class for people and

[28:13]

and actually to me, I think it's real if I'm real and People say to me gosh, it's such a relief that you're real. I Thought I had to be somebody else and that I couldn't be real So I've learned how to be real, you know, and maybe there's things I don't understand, you know Maybe I'm not Buddha. Maybe I don't understand about the Four Noble Truths maybe you can go and practice and and and Have the realization that the Buddha had and you put an end to suffering and in ways that I had no idea about you know Fine, I'm I'm sharing my interest my understanding and my understanding of Dogen and you know I haven't been practicing, you know as I have but I'm not saying that that's the only way to do it I'm you know, and you may and and You need to have your your questions in your way-seeking mind, you know to go ahead and study So what's changed for me is that I much more accept the fact of and then I use it as a teaching

[29:17]

You know when you're cooking There are times when you don't know what to do and you can get kind of anxious now let's think about what we're going to do here and Let's just stop here and when you do get anxious like this, it's a good thing to just stop and then reassess and So forth and so I start to use it as and I'm getting anxious now and I don't know what's going on. Let's stop You know you you want to stop and have a checklist. This is happening with this dish. This is happening with this What's going on with each dish? What's still to be done? Do we need to change our plan? Do we need to adjust given the time we have should we leave out a dish? We add another one? and Then so it becomes teaching like this is the life we live in There's no way to just and it's so unreal if you watch a cooking show on television Nobody does any work Nothing ever goes wrong If you were masterful and good at this like I am and like I'm showing you you would have no problems

[30:23]

It's just look at this wonderful dish. No problem It's so easy you just and the stuff is already cut up for you And you know it comes out of the oven all baked and look I put it in the oven now comes out here We don't have to and you don't have to work it's also easy and like isn't that brilliant isn't that great no problem It's that's not real Yes Yeah, what about brilliant that was that she could make mistakes on live television She Dropped a suckling pig on the floor is the classic one and she said oh, that's okay. No one's looking you can just pick it up Millions of people are

[31:24]

I Have a friend who met Julia Child and he was the Irving was inspired by coming to a cooking class of mine and he decided to go to the New England Culinary Institute and After whatever it was nine months or a year or something you then you go out on a six-month externship They get you a job someplace. So he was cooking. He became the lunch cook at eating. Well magazine Which is in south of Burlington, Vermont Across the Across the whatever Lake Champlain or what it is from Essex is a ferry from near Eden Well that goes across to Essex, but anyway Irving was and then so then Irving just said well, this is a nice job I'm just gonna stay here So he was the lunch cook at eating well magazine and then he became the President he set up his own chapter the Vermont chapter of the American Institute of Food and Wine which had been started by Julia Child and Dick Graff and Robert Mondavi and whoever and

[32:34]

Then he so he set up the chapter of it and then he was the head of it So then he Context you a child says well, we have a chapter of the Americans to food. Why would you come and visit us? So One day she came and she was there she was at eating well magazine and she's looking at the man She's and she says urban these these people don't actually eat like this. Do they this is just to do a magazine, right? This isn't what they want to eat. Is it? And everyone says no, it's not what they want to eat They want pizza and hamburgers and you know, they don't want to eat the stuff that's in their magazine So It's like and The whole you know as far as that goes the whole food thing is so screwy now I mean, it's just it's unbelievable and I just read for instance this year finally a book Which is just an amazing book that if you read it, I mean it

[33:35]

It's called the great cholesterol con it's by a Scotch-scot British doctor named Malcolm Kendrick and he explains how the whole business of fat causes Cholesterol cholesterol causes heart heart disease is a myth. It's a hoax Statin drugs Lipitor and all the other statin drugs are only the pharmaceutical industries largest selling most profitable drug in the history of pharmaceuticals So they have a tremendous tremendous stake in getting you to believe that cholesterol causes heart attacks and you need to take some Lipitor and Doctors have been telling me for years take some Lipitor and I've said excuse me I am NOT intending to damage my liver in order to save my heart And There are all kinds of side effects to Lipitor and statin drugs And you know he points out like no matter how many

[34:37]

Paradoxes there are to this theory that cholesterol causes heart attacks. It doesn't matter how many times you say? Well, there's the French the French have one of the highest cholesterol highest saturated fat highest cholesterol in Europe and one of the lowest heart Attack rates, but that doesn't change the fact that cholesterol causes heart attacks Yeah, they drink a lot of wine with that so we all should be drinking more and Then but then he has for instance Indian immigrants immigrants from India to the west and they don't smoke don't drink vegetarian one of the lowest You know levels of cholesterol and one of and among the absolute highest rates of heart attacks of any Population group and why and so you know finally you get around to you know what causes heart attacks stress It's very stressful to be living in a different culture and trying to figure out how to support yourself

[35:43]

And you know where you're going to live where you're going to work. How you're going to do this. That is very stressful And I have at least two friends now. You know I a friend of mine Judith Keenan told me about it. She's it's you know it's a mutual friend of ours, and it was right in the middle of Laura Burgess's lay entrustment ceremony at Green Gulch We had an intermission and Judith said to me Did you hear about our friend and it turns out 70 years old and he tried to stab himself to death? He cut his and then I went to see him after you know at some point after that He had he cut he went to the Rose Garden in Berkeley in front of the little gardener shed there And he cut his left wrist. He cut his right wrist. He tried stabbing himself. He cut himself in seven places and The gardener happened to come to work. You know 7 30 in the morning a couple minutes after and called the ambulance and he was Saved and I went to see him the next day. I woke up, and I got oh my god

[36:46]

He's been depressed now for 10 years. I'll bet he started taking statin drugs at the age of 60 Sure enough I called up his wife. When did when did he start taking statin drugs? And he's never been like that. He's a very positive person Anyway But that's a whole different thing, but there's all kinds of things that you can buy into This is all you know getting away from Dogen, but sorry Is it Is it not causing suffering to try to You know work against you know this stuff like Like social justice is it causing suffering or not causing suffering If you're doing work like stopping those companies, you know yeah

[37:48]

Stopping suffering well, this is One of the things that Dogen is pointing out here is you know these things are always you know there's always like Different ways to look and there's all these these different things are going on and whatever you do You know you can't finally even if you successfully change something like that you can't exactly say I did that You know we don't actually know it's like as I was saying before you know we think like I will practice Buddhism I will do good, and then and then you're gonna stop at some point say Have I have I been able to do this am I getting anywhere have I have I been doing good? Have I not and then it's always going to be about the same and You can't say You know none of us can say what I? Which doesn't exist did and what I? accomplished or didn't accomplish

[38:51]

It's all just it's all a fiction, and then we make up different versions of this fiction, and then we Settle down we know what classic they would but it's but you know the perfection of wisdom is you know that we make up a Story, and then we settle down we make up a story And then we settle down in the story And we forget that we just made it up and settle down in it and start to believe. It's true And then why don't we make up another story well because the one we made up is true. It's real So we so you you can you can do what you want because you're moved to do what you you know you choose to do and then and then there's People are still going to go on suffering you're going to go on suffering you'll have some you'll have happen joys and sorrows and you know Pain and pleasure and you know the you know life and birth and death Delusion and so so you It's like Dogen says now in the tenso kyokan. He says

[39:54]

So rather than trying to figure out like you know that sort of thing just make a sincere wholehearted effort He doesn't say You know accomplish or you know Just make a sincere whole you know don't you don't you're not you're not going to be able to please everybody you won't make everybody happy You Won't you know completely put an end to suffering People will have various experiences, and you can't control the experiences. They're going to have Offer you know make a sincere offering of of your life energy in the way you find to do that and If you if you start getting involved with you know I should be doing this because of what a really good person would be doing Is this and you know I mean back when I was a student here there was and you know there's all these various things I mean we know the world is coming to an end and what have you but in those days It was like there was an article in Ramparts magazine or something. You know the oceans are will be dead in 15 years

[40:57]

well It they might be close but it's been about whatever 40 years and So I thought well any right thinking you know You know saying you know good person would be out saving the oceans But you know I'm choosing to be here at Tassajara So we we have different you know gifts and different energies, and you know some of us are moved to do something like that and To undertake whatever you know it is I happen to have my So I just understand like and then Dogen says this you know your effort is one person's effort is you know identical with you know and Practicing with all the buddhists and bodhisattvas and all the buddhists and bodhisattvas are practicing with you in your one little moment in your one little dewdrop In your one drop of water on the grass

[41:58]

And in what seems to you to be a small life, you know everything must be there the buddhas and bodhisattvas must be there enlightenment and delusion is there and and You're living in the midst of not it not being able to Exactly say which is which what's what and? And still we we make our good-hearted effort, and you know someplace Some of us were coming in the other day. I mean You know the ACLU You give money to them, and then they just spend it all and sending you solicitations every other week sometimes three or four a week So pretty soon you don't want to give them money because it just seems like they're using your money to cut down trees You know so it's it's hard to know like are we doing any good are we not doing good And yes some of these things you know, but you know we're all sort of like Crazy

[43:02]

Cholesterol Yeah Yeah It's not there's a system in place, but that's the way things are But there's no system that somebody established or is doing even though it can seem that way You know half the advertisements on television are telling you what to buy and the other half is telling you how to get over what you bought Buy these buy this pizza get this anti-acid And Then and then it's but it's not like somebody set that up It's that you know people are responding to what's going on and it ends up looking like you know If somebody had a mind to that would be pretty ingenious All right, I want to come back a little bit to the ginger corn here excuse me To carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion that myriad things come forth and experience themselves as awakening

[44:23]

Those who have great realization of delusion are buddhas those who are greatly deluded about realization or sentient beings So again, you know I'd like to just mention that you know one or two examples here I I've You know for many years studied very carefully My breath and meditation some of you you know are studying this And You know is there an eye that is breathing? Now I Will follow my breath But so and then I'm going to experience my breath being long and short and I'm going to find it this and that And is there an eye that continues throughout of this and And again as we were talking the other day if You have an eye can it change or is it not changing and if it changes, how can it still be you?

[45:29]

How can something that is not you still be you? Because you changed So what would make it still you so this is a kind of loose Dogen talks about down this in terms of firewood and ash So You can have this kind of idea about I will study my breath I will see how this works and and then implicit in that we actually start to have you know like I Will make it a certain way. I'm going forward. I'm going to have a calm breath and we start to like Regulate our breath and sometimes it's so imperceptible and And then he says that married things come forth and experience themselves Is there some way to really not be doing anything and letting your breath? letting inhale arise and Be just as long or deep as it seems to be

[46:31]

Expressing itself and can you and and then? And it the breath comes to some inhalation, and then there's an there seems to be a pause in the sensations and And almost imperceptibly, you know and probably the exact moment imperceptibly The breath is exhaling and It's somebody doing this The more that somebody does this the more it's delusion the more somebody Allows things to come forward then we call that awakening and This is also called you know practice is enlightenment enlightenment is practice The realization to realize things is we're practicing to realize

[47:34]

We're not we don't need to effort. We don't need to make the breath happen. We don't need to make anything happen We can we're allowing And when the breath comes to the end of the exhalation Suzuki Roshi says you can disappear into complete calmness and into stillness Completely letting go this often can be a pause And You're not sure that there's going to be an inhalation If you're thinking for a moment and then There's an inhalation And he as well other people said when you and again, you know, we use language variously But when you take care of the exhalation Then the inhalation takes care of itself But That you know, and then if you and we say we have the term follow your breath But actually so what's intended by follow the breath

[48:45]

Because you can't have the breath go and then your awareness kind of tag along after it So The the So somehow the awareness is going to be as much as possible exactly with the sensations of breathing and you have to forget yourself and Just you forget yourself you're exactly with the sensation of breathing and Then it's only when you Let go of something that you realize I was actually holding my breath in some way Or you can or you can because you're of your conception and because you're going forward and you think you have a body and then You can have your back straight and you can have the breath just in the front of your body Because You believe that you have a body and that you are you've had the instruction to have your back straight

[49:52]

So the breath is just in the front, but why wouldn't your back be breathing? So what do you perceive? If you're carrying yourself forward You perceive you have a limited perception and a limited way of experiencing things. Why wouldn't you experience your back? Body breathing, why wouldn't you experience your pelvis breathing? Why wouldn't your legs be breathing everything your whole body can be breathing? But our Conceptual constructs get in the way and we limit our experience and also implicit in this and what You know Dogen and Buddhism You know if you people over and over again think emptiness Means you get rid of Your thinking you get rid of Dogen says your past thoughts are not a help for realization This doesn't mean your paths thoughts

[50:55]

Were were wrong and a word delusion and you needed to get rid of them past thoughts were in themselves realization But because you were looking somewhere else For something else you thought and you said past thoughts can't be realization this thinking can't be realization But realization is big to experience something as you know so closely Without you know being separate and there being an eye So The emptiness is implicit and reality is implicit in any moment This is also in whether it's in Genjo Koen or Fukan Suzuki, I forget Oh on this on the next page on 26 Dogen says here is the place Here the way unfolds The boundary of realization is not distinct Realization comes forth simultaneously with the mastery of the Buddha Dharma

[51:57]

Mastery here is you know again a tentative translation Because you could also just say with the practice of Buddha Dharma do not suppose that what you realize becomes your knowledge and Is grasped by your consciousness? In the I guess what I was thinking of is the Oh Up in the previous paragraph when you find your place where you are practice occurs Actualizing the fundamental point when you find your place where you are Practice occurs You're getting real. Where are you? You're not trying to get someplace else that doesn't have these problems You're right with your experience Sometimes that's what you're right with practice when you find your way at this moment practice occurs actualizing the fundamental point the place the way

[53:05]

Is neither large nor small neither yours nor others it has not carried over from the past and is not merely arising now Accordingly in the practice enlightenment of Buddha way meeting with the Buddha Dharma One thing Meaning one thing one moment is mastering it doing one practice is practicing completely And everything is you know in in this capacity we have to experience very deeply And we find You know pain When you experience it closely you can't you know you have to experience it from a distance to call it pain Otherwise at some point it's sensation And it gives us information and we do something about it Psychically as well. It's just sensation if you're a great psychic

[54:07]

What do you identify as great psychic pain if you're really right with it Well my suggestion with that is breathe it into your heart, and that's the way to be right with it because as long as you're at a little little distance from it and and Then then you have great psychic pain when you agree, I will breathe this into my heart Then something you know pretty dramatic can shift and you're right with it And that right with it is what you know where we started that you know coming to rest with something Is You know like breathing it into your heart. That's one possibility How to be exactly with it? Okay? It's 430 so if some of you need to

[55:08]

return to your activities, please and I'm sure there's more chocolate, and you know a few of you might want to stay in We'll continue for a little bit here Thank you all for coming Oh Marta brought that yes Yeah You stop and And you stop struggling with your struggling and then like let's

[56:12]

Let's look at this sometimes you need help with that Excuse me I Well as you know we we have a sequence of You know there's five hindrances desired or greed hate or anger and then sloth and torpor excitement worry and doubt and Each of those has a metaphor in water you know that desire is like there's bright colors swirling in the water, and then the Anger is like it's a roiling and bubbling and then the sloth and torpor is it's all scuzzy and mossy and The greed and excitement is like it's I mean the excitement and worry Is like it's Ripley or something and then the doubt is like it's all muddy and so how are you gonna get clear water and Our tendency is I will clear the water by you know having a new hindrance So

[57:15]

If you have desire well, let's get some anger and get rid of that And if you have some anger then you can you know get depressed you know huh Well, I'm trying to you know that Anyway So You know that you can go from I don't know what to do, and I'm sad about this to Feeling anger layering on top of that because of helplessness The start of it see it's some sadness about being helpless, but then something else comes to it If you're following your breath and meditation Or you're endeavoring to follow your breath, and then you aren't

[58:15]

So that's a kind of your you have to understand that I'm getting distracted One possibility at that point would be to say what is wrong with you I told you to follow your breath now come back to your breath So you have a kind of anger and then at some point you said this is this is What's the use? What's the use no matter what I do it doesn't work so you can go you know into doubt or sloth and torpor and you know So but so the point in the point of you know one of the points of practice here Is that well as soon as you notice this just stop? You know and be where you are The place the way you know when you find your way at this moment find your way at this moment come back to finding your way at this moment rather than all the reactions to how you lost your way and Then your reactions to your reactions This is this so we're gonna stop as soon as we can and like okay. I lost my way

[59:20]

It's sort of like saying well just come back to your breath. You know start again at one. We used to count you know so Doesn't matter how many times you lose your way start again Anyway I Wanted to I was going to talk a little bit about the You know one of the most famous I mean, this is a very famous passage here to carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion that myriad things come forth and experience themselves as awakening and One of the point you know that I I'm emphasizing these days is the more you give out directives Do this don't do that move here go there sit like this No, don't sit like that the more you give yourself directives the less you will be sensing and experiencing. What's actually going on So this carrying yourself forward kind of goes along with giving out Directives to yourself and others you need to this you should that

[60:23]

and And when you go to sit dozen I've been trying to explain to people for years now when you sit down Take a few moments to find your hips and then use your intelligence instead of just telling them sit up straight. Oh Okay That you could actually use your intelligence to find your hips and that means Studying where your hips are Forward to back and Then side to side and you're using your intelligence instead of telling your hips where they need to be and what they should be doing you could use your intelligence to actually find them and Use your intelligence to help them find their ease and their stability Rather than you tell them you see the the Typical kind of so-called hierarchical or what some people call Authoritarian mentality is I will tell you what to do, and I don't appreciate any feedback. Thank you and

[61:26]

We we start to we start out Buddhism with this kind of mentality. I Will find out how to practice so I'm gonna sit and I don't want and I'm gonna park my body here And I don't want to hear from you because I'm meditating And We have these kind of ideas and after a while, sir maybe I could like actually feel start to feel and like what's happening and I could allow for how does I Could use I could be using intelligence to like study and Then as you study this pretty soon you actually find you help your hips Find their stability and where they're balanced they're stable and the more stable there are the more ease you have and Then as you have ease and your hips are stable then naturally the energy grows tall inside This is all about you know sensing and using your intelligence to sense what's happening as opposed to giving out directives

[62:31]

This is a bit of an analogous to this Carrying yourself forward with your various directives and Sensing what's happening and studying Bringing some intelligence a kind of awakeness to what's going on And then when your hips have something to say, you know you say oh Are you too far forward? Are you too far back? How where where would you be more comfortable here and you say this with you to your legs and you study this? Rather than just what is wrong with you and just god you're hurting again Jesus wimp There's that too, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah a Surfer becomes very sensitive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[63:36]

Yeah Moment by moment responsive, you know, yeah, very sweet. Yeah dancers And And that's what we love about sports sports too we see people forgetting themselves and manifesting in various ways And You know Michael Murphy, I think was Michael Murphy, you know the founder of Esalen He was he's very interested in sports, you know and at one point he Got to spend a good deal of time with the 49ers and He would tell they would tell him stories that they hadn't they would not tell anybody else because he just sounds too cuckoo But you know in the midst of football games Sometimes they would know like whether it was Joe Montana or whoever it was they'd say

[64:38]

Well, I just threw the ball. I knew that it was the right place to throw it. I couldn't see the receiver I just knew he was going to be there and it and you know, and they were they're doing things That are like out of the body and you know, all kinds of extraordinary things and And so we we actually can see that the same way we do. It's like a surfer. It's pretty extraordinary And we're not always able to do that though sometimes we struggle and we see something and we go ahead and do it anyway, and it's intercepted and we make bad decisions and then you know, okay, you made a bad decision and Then some people are willing to go. Well, I I'm just going to do the best I can you know, and and And then you can try to compensate for having made a bad decision by being hesitant to do something And one of my friends used to say You know, I said to him my wrists are very stiff. What do you suppose that's about?

[65:40]

And he said why don't you study a little bit and let me know and so I sat down I was meditating the next day I couldn't feel my hands the sensation just came down to here And so I told this person, you know You know when I meditate it's like I don't even have hands and he said you old souls are all alike And It's you know, cuz you know, this is like You know, California New Age voodoo, you know Whatever stuff but anyway, you old souls are all alike. I said, what's that? He said well, you know old souls. They've made already all these mistakes in other lifetimes You've made all these mistakes, you know, you've done so many terrible things in this lifetime You're not going to make those mistakes again, so just to be on the safe side don't have hands So one of the mistakes that old souls make or people who meditate make is In order not to make mistakes the mistake you make is to not make any mistakes

[66:44]

To not do anything To not do anything because you might make a mistake Yeah, it's a kind of passivity. Yeah, so that's one of the One of the challenges or things to observe at some point can I just go ahead and do something and it maybe it's a mistake, but I will go ahead and Say what I want to say and I will go ahead and do what I you know And maybe somebody will just you know will call me on it Maybe they won't but I'm not going to just kind of try not to be seen and not to be heard and you know Because it might be a mistake and I will keep to myself and I you know So spiritual people have at times anyway that kind of issue All right, so I want to go on here the because this other paragraph is again You know probably in some sense the best known paragraph in all of Dogen to study the Buddha way is to study the self

[67:45]

To study the self is to forget the self to forget the self is to be actualized or realized by myriad things When actualized by myriad things your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away No trace of realization remains and this no trace continues endlessly And again, you know We're going to be doing you know We're going to be doing each of these things we're not going to just all the time be be actualized by myriad things and You know because it's just not the way our life works, you know One of the things I've been very interested in this year is you know insight or intuition and Actually, it was about a year ago. There was a fascinating article in the New Yorker magazine about insight and And it mentioned this smokejumper in Montana 50 years ago now and he went in with a crew of 13 or 15 men and

[68:49]

They were across the canyon from the fire They started going down the direction of the wind changed and the fire was coming at them 300 yards a minute or something or 300 yards a second or it was coming at them very fast and he told his crew to run and they they started trying to run up the hill and There's apparently to this day you know graves and crosses and stones or whatever and he in the midst of running had this brainstorm or insight or flash and knew something And he got out his lighter and he hit the he lit the ground ahead of him up the hill Fire started burning up the hill he went into the burned area Got is a cloth wet it from his canteen got down as low as he could on the ground And held the cloth over his face and the fire went over him because he was in a burned area And he saved his life The burned area See he well he had in a sense. He was forward burn, but yeah, but he had he had burned the hillside

[69:52]

He was trying to go the fire was coming from behind him up the hillside so he's going very fast up the hillside and he stopped and lit and He'd never heard of this it wasn't something never been taught and Somehow it flashed. This is what to do and as soon as it flashed. He knew this is what to do and And then he went ahead and did it so we don't every moment have flashes, but sometimes when we're you know focused You know and anyway there are times when things occur to us, and he knew when that occurred. This is it This is right. I and he knew And he did it and he acted on what he knew and You know so sometimes we have a realization or insight or intuition, and then there's also how do I act on that? No, it's not it's yeah

[70:54]

It's a No, no knowledge is what you have in this and what they've now Decided you know saying from what science so to speak is knowledge is what's on the left side of your consciousness your left brain and then from your left brain you try to figure out what to do and deduce what to do and figure it out and and Then when your left brain, and this is you know sort of classics in do when your left brain No longer can figure it out And they actually have found that you then it also helps to relax Interestingly enough So you don't necessarily have the insight while you're sitting you know it can be while you're walking or while you're taking a bath and Some people say maybe you need to take more baths you know but you can only take so many baths or you have a nap and You when and often insights come when you get a little bit relaxed or you're talking with a friend and

[71:57]

That's when something can flash when the you you're very focused and you have a problem or an issue You're very focused. You can't figure it out It's in the back of your head you're and at some point you relax And then something flashes and the flash apparently starts in the frontal lobe, and then it just goes all through your right brain You know instantaneously, and and you know something or so to speak know something or you you hear something and you Something occurs to you And Malcolm Gladwell writes about that among others yeah in blink he writes about that and So anyway, it's it's all pretty fascinating. I love the part about how You know it helps to relax, and it even said that the Richard Feynman who was a noble noble physicist and figured out the cause of the some shuttle thing disaster There were the o-rings something or other and but anyway

[73:03]

They say that he used to relax by going to topless bars And Then if he had any insights of relaxing at the topless bar he'd write it on the cocktail napkins and he'd drink seven up and Kind of space out and see if something occurred to him So this is But so I thought I could say just a little bit about this to study the Buddha way is to study the self first of all you know Dogen in Gaku, Dojo Jinsu, which is guidelines for studying the way says the first thing if you're going to study Buddhism is to trust in Buddhism and He says to trust in Buddhism is to believe that your life is inherently within the way that you Your life has always been in within the way

[74:05]

Which means that all the problems and the wrong thinking and the confusions and the upside-down and mistakes are all part of the path And he says you know you should know this and trust this and believe this that you know you've never not been on the path And Then you can actually practice. You know being with all of this And And that's another way of the way. He says to study yourself and Suzuki Rishi I remember him talking about this because you know and that People think you know Buddhism is something that exists outside of you and That if you could study Buddhism enough you would get to know Buddhism, and that would have a good effect on you But actually Buddhism is a way to study you Buddhism is a way to study

[75:07]

How you perceive things how you react to what you perceive what you feel what you think you know? How how your life happens? How do you? How do things work? And it's not as though there's some Buddhism that you know and Suzuki Rishi at one point says you know this is not something You're going to be able to just keep in the refrigerator and go and open the door and use it when you need it Your life your life. There's there's not actually Buddhism apart from people's lives And this is one of the big emphasis in You know Soto Zen Richard Baker. You know bakerish used to say this too. There's no Buddhism apart from you or me you know there's just the Buddhism that each of us understands and practices and You know Suzuki Rishi was saying that and then he would say you know you think I am the teacher and that you are the Student I have things to tell you that you don't know that is wrong

[76:07]

That is wrong thinking that is a mistake This is something you know that each of us is finding out for ourself knowing for ourself and the way Dogen says this is To study Buddha the Buddha way is to study the self and Suzuki Rishi at one point was giving a number of lectures about this and so I asked him and I said Suzuki Rishi, you know I don't feel like I'm I don't understand this you know I don't see where practicing Buddhism is studying myself, and he said just keep practicing Because he also said you know if Buddhism if being here at Tassajara and practicing is not Your if you're not learning about yourself go and do something where you can learn about yourself But mostly you know of course we learn a lot about ourselves

[77:08]

You know we find out how we get tired and how we you know get angry and how we you know various things We learn all kinds of stuff in the context of practice, and we somehow Experience all of that more closely and carefully than when we're just out in our daily lives No, we experience. Oh. Oh, you know what I'm just I have a lot of thinking going on And of course we have the understanding that you've always had all that thinking going on And it's just now that you're sitting you realize it So we study ourselves. We're finding out who I am and again. This is like I was mentioning the other day The Tibetan teachers you say you know you Americans want to get some place. Why don't you start where you are? And then you'll have some better idea about you know the next step to take you know where you are You can go in some direction or have some sense And again to study the self is to forget the self

[78:14]

So we may find out a number of things and we may believe these things we may believe I'm shy We may believe I don't have any I don't have any I don't have any capacity for speaking to the public you know I don't and you know just speaking up or to expressing myself in meetings or We can believe various things about ourselves and at some point we forget ourselves and go ahead and do things and we forget that whatever it is we've found out we go ahead and and see what's going on and we we sit and we breathe and we we cook and we clean and we walk and bathe and And and then we remember What's happening with me? How am I doing? there's certainly times when we forget ourselves and You know and Life is unfolding and when that when we've forgotten ourself and life is unfolding then all this we're getting all this information and again

[79:21]

It's more like sensing or receiving experience rather than giving out the directives about how it's going to be if I was in charge and No feedback, please Ava were you Yeah

[79:44]

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