2009.08.12-serial.00235

Given on Wednesday, August 12, 2009
About this talk
Description:
Dogen's Genjo Koan; dealing with delusion, enlightenment and suffering; mastery is not getting rid of negative emotions and thoughts; story of Montana smoke-jumper.
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Transcript: 
Move on to or come back to chart with so this is page twenty four. We're going to start here at the beginning. As all things I would just do the first page here. Ready. So things are good at grammar there is the illusion of realization right this very thing down and there is this engine. That's going to read things are without inviting south there is pollution is a fish. In a sense injury and their birth and the better way is basically being clear of the many and the one there are birth and death illusion and realization sentient beings and this yet intelligent blasphemous call and in a very serious and we did spread to carry yourself already and experience marriage things since delusion that myriad things come forth and experienced in the south since awakening those who have great realization their delusion are Buddhist those are very great they deluded about realization are sentient beings. It goes to continue realizing beyond realization can bring delusion through out delusion right it is a search surely but it is they do not necessarily know it is that they are good and I would read their actual eyes good is to go on actual lies in Buddha's when you see forms or hear sounds for the same gauging But in mind you grasp things directly and like things and their reflection in the mirror and like the mirror reflection in the water when one side is eliminated the other side will start the story the good a way is just that it is just good in itself is to forget this she forget this has to be absolute by Mary and things but actually there is but myriad things your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away and no trace of realization remains and this no trace can change yours and just say when you first think Jeremy you imagine you are from. Away from its environs but Jeremy has already correctly transmitted if you are immediately your original stuff you wouldn't watch the show or you might just shuras me you see rice closely on the boat you can see that the boat is similarly if you examine married things with a confused. You might suppose that your mind in nature are permanent when you practice intimately and return to where you are it will be period it nothing new has and change and stuff. So we're stuck in your research. So again good afternoon and welcome. Chocolates coming around apparently anybody would like some. That's the very end of the games you're going to excuse me. Master the Nature of Wind is permanent and there's no place it does not reach. Right then are you fanning yourself this is like the nature of chocolate is printed and there is no place it does not reach that why are you eating it and then he says. Although you understand the nature of the wind is premie you do not understand the meaning of it's reaching everywhere but it is the medium it's reaching everywhere and then he puts the chocolate in his mouth and. It. Is there any way the chocolate hasn't reached. That shock that it reaches everywhere. OK And. Strike your right so the last. Seems like reeks ago doesn't it we had a class and. We talked about the first part of the ganja koan and I was introducing you to my translation of Ken joke on which cost translates as actual lesson the fundamental point and I've simplified the translation called the getting real. And in reality as all things are but a time where there's delusion and realization practice birth and death and there's the Buddhist and sentient beings. So this is like when he's really see how things are it's not like you can get to some place you know like some people have the notion of the easy chair of an light meant or you break through into some month of this free beautiful space and you never have to go back to all that painful stuff ever again and so that's not real that's not real. That's a fantasy oh man. What is the Buddhist way. You know. There's delusion in Lightman So there's there's suffering and there's an end to severing So in reality there's suffering in there's an intercept thing. Yeah there's suffering and there's an interceptor in there's the cause of suffering and there's the way to end suffering but. You know I often do you know the good way to understand that is when you end stuff you know that way human suffering is the path in that case and that's you know the practice of a lifetime so venison means that each moment of your practice in the end of suffering also suffering is there but you are practicing with it in such a way that it's not suffering. But you know impermanence doesn't go any place. You know suffering doesn't go in place there's always uncertainty to our lives and things are changing and we don't know what's going to happen next and we could become anxious or stressed and then and then what and then what do what does one do so each moment you know it's we can understand that the four noble truths are implicit in any one moment or we can understand that you know. Like for instance in the night when unfolds and this is again classic so. We don't practice in order to get in line and says OK she said just. Because you're in the right and you practice you have some understanding that brings you to practice. And that pressure is an expression of your own mightn't and then but we sit there and go oh how do I get the Enlightenment but then you're not in recognised in the right and you have except when you practice there are times when you forget yourself and things come forward which is what we're talking about today things come forward and realise themselves and you're you know and and then it says though you've ended suffering and those are moments you're not that's not that's so it's like it can be seen as a circle or it can be seen as simultaneous but it's not like ending suffering once and for all that's finished thank God. Yeah well it depends on you know your it depends you know on how we use language or understand language OK. Because you know. There's you know for whether you're Buddha or not there's still heat and cold and there's still various feelings you know and for instance in the Buddha's lifetime at one point he stopped you know the neighboring country from invading his country Satinder tree in the invading army came and and he sat there and they talked with the invading emperor king and they went away and later they came back and invaded his country and they dug a huge pit and had you know hundreds of people in the pit and had elephants stomp them and then buried them and I would guess that the Buddha felt something about that you know that he didn't just go like oh I'm in bliss you know. Oh geez you know people I know you know perished hundreds of them in a huge pit this is something that happened in his lifetime so on one hand you can say it's so you know so there's a suffering or painful thing that's happening. So I don't think we can say and then we can also say you know in some way the Buddha practiced with that so that he wasn't afflicted by that and then sometimes you say when he practiced with that so that he wasn't due the afflicted by it but you know and then it's like but you know we're all people where there were good or not and there's painful difficult things that happen in all of our lives another example of this is. The Tibetan teacher Marpa. Who is whatever it was eight year old son or daughter died and he was in incredible grief and his students said to him. But teacher isn't everything in permanent and all things are bound to come to isn't this all just an illusion and he said yes and this is the most painful losing anyone can have and I'm grieving and then it's not and then is it just suffering to grieve so some people understand it's suffering to grieve and then then if you're a Buddha or if your mother suffering it's not a grief. It's not suffering I mean the grief is not suffering it's you're grieving and you don't go like what's wrong with me I'm grieving this is such an adult this is an illusion I shouldn't be suffering I shouldn't be grieving you know you have the grief and and you're not upset about having grief so this is this is the end of suffering is not to be upset about having great it's not that you don't have great so now if you cause the grief suffering you know if you're if you separate with the grief that's different so that you can put an end to the suffering with grief and and have your grief so then other people look at you with your grief and you can look at your own grief and and tended to be speaking you can call that's frightening or somebody may call that something but you you were and in a certain sense you know you were you know that. This is if you're She talked about somebody who sent it she was dying and I think you are kind of here if she did and he said I don't want to die and then if you know you say oh I'm a seasoned teacher I mean should he just be acronymic me about life and death and be completely when they die what's wrong with him to see in writing or not you know as he as he accomplishes a full way as he put it complete into all of this you know there's we're human beings and so. There's that's a human reaction and so on one hand you have I don't want to die and on the other hand you accept be filling I don't want to die you don't fight it when you come to so another way of Nirvana talking about Nirvana everything of suffering is you were able to be exactly with that you're not fighting against it and when you come to rest with things as they are here's death Here's your your friends and family and relatives being stopped by elephants. When you come to rest with it and you have exactly that experience and you're not fighting it you're not you're not grasping it you're not pushing it away you know you know doing the and you just have it and you let it and it's flowing and it's flows through you and it arises and disappears and suffering. In technical in a technical sense is you struggle with it you you I don't I don't like this I don't want this how do I get rid of it I want this other thing I don't want this I want to just be completely free and easy in that thing ever happens to me so you know this is you know important to try to get at so that your question is really important. And I don't know if I've helped you with my long winded response or no but there you have it. Yes. Yeah but what is can be very painful so. And first saying from a certain point of view you can understand it is delusion. You know and but you're not you come to rest with it you're not you know you know you're not fighting with what is yeah. Yeah. It's me. We. You could also do like why did I stab my toe what's wrong with me I'm such an idiot. And why is the world like this and so then you can add a bunch of stuff on to that is but it's still your foot still hurts. And you breathe with hurt and so you and so you're ending the this sort of extra suffering but it's not that things are painful you know I don't know exactly which Dogan is you know crawling delusion realization but he gives us a little bit clear down here we have the station is to be aware of delusion where and the vision is to not be clear about what realization is so one of our common you know understandings is we commonly think I will I want to impress I want to practice I am serious about this I want to you know put an end to suffering I want to. You know practice the Buddha way I want to be a good Buddhist I want to succeed at what I understand the Buddha did and and then you know how do you measure whether you're accomplishing this. You look at phenomena. And if the finish and then at some point the phenomena are still just as painful as they always were oh gosh I guess I haven't done this but we can so when is it we going to ever change the phenomena world. You know the fact that our bodies feel heat and cold and pain when we step our toes and we get hungry and you know we have desires we have emotions are we ever going to change that exactly but it depends on the kind of Buddhist you are some Buddhists have more the idea that yes you can and certain things but there's interdiction is more. Things appear and disappear and and you can and you and there's no you your but you can and you can be with the father because you're not keeping track of yourself he says you know you forget yourself and know all things come forward and realize themselves so things and whether those things are suffering or pain or heat or cold they realize themselves and then you might even be upset about the hate and some point you go like you know what I can't do it I'm not going to be able to do anything about this heat right and I accepted and so were all the time moving through the rising. Phenomena and kind of resistance to it except in Savage are practicing with it and and we don't miss it and we're not necessarily suffering but on the but so it probably depends on your language in but again I'm offering you that tended to speak in the main to Lucian is thinking that things actually exist you know actually exist things that actually exist. And that you know I. I which doesn't exist don't like heat. And but but that was just there was a there was actually a moment of. You know irritation so why don't you just say irritated irritation because when you say I don't like heat I'm irritated by the heat you can't find the I you can't you know the heat the eye the irritation or oh oh. One phenomena are phenomenal and you can't separate them you can't distinguish the eye from their Taishan from the heat they're all together you can't and you can't you can't get them separate none of those things exist separately. And yet so then we say this is about me and then the and then because we tend it's only in provisionally have language that makes it sound like these things are all over the existing then we start to get the idea I could do something about this. Good luck. But you know when consciousness is working I mean sex is a cure she said when you can't feel pain anymore you are about to die. So when you can actually have pain it means you're alive you're healthy your body and mind are working they're functioning the way they should. And we're studying how to work with all of you know there's an approach is more like how do I work with all of this how do I how do allow things to inform me and you know I can so I can work with them to trees. Absolutely. Or you know provisionally. You know partly this is a matter of absolute and provisional and part of what's interesting here in the ganja Cohen is that they're going like this start with this top of the line absolute statement or most absolute closest absolute. So in this case as when when or as and a moment when all things are seen as good a diamond there's delusion and realization practice birth and death and there. And that. And then and then he says and that includes the fact that there's no such thing ultimately absolutely speaking that is the only prevision know these only exist provisionally And so even though these these things only exist provisionally there they are even though it's an illusion that you know it's there's pain. And grief with the death of a loved one. People you know didn't that doesn't mean that it's not you know provisionally it's provisionally it's real. And so one of the mistakes that people make about practice and it's not just practice but it's throughout the culture it's denial you know most of us throughout our lives when your pet dies mom and dad say get over it we'll get you another dog don't cry and when things happen people tell us get don't cry you know and you know one time somebody wrote to Dear Abby and it was a mom mother of a little girl who you know had been abducted and murdered or something you know something just really terrific and she wrote in to Abby and said here all the things that people are telling me and I'd like to just tell them where to go get your daughters in a better place you know. Yes but she's not here. And it's a tremendous intense grief to me God must have had plans for here I don't care. So people come up with all these reasons why you are wrong to feel what you're feeling. Because they want to avoid the pain and you know people all the time tell me have told me over the years. You know you know you wouldn't have to feel that way if you didn't feel that way get over it and you know step in and then people say come down you know relax. Get over it get move past it. And once in a while somebody says Gee you're really upset aren't you one of my. You know examples I used about and this is sort of around about you know with your question but it's what your question is brought up. You know I thought I was doing a class here Mike one of my cooking events and I say to the class to begin the class we're sitting around in a circle and everybody would begin to class extremely anxious so is that my being anxious or is it everybody's anxiety that I'm just feeling because I'm in the room it's not really very clear. And I was saying you know I'm kind of anxious about the start of the class here I was staying in one cabin it was the Abbotts cabin and they told me yesterday I had to move and then they came and told me I didn't have to move and then they came and showed me I did have to move and then they came and told me I should move tomorrow and then they came and told me you should move later tomorrow and then they came and told me Get out of here we have some carts and put your stuff out and those cards are going to put some sheets on top of that. And so works and so you know the concept of not having any suffering is oh you just you just fine with everything that happens. You know you don't feel anything so not to feel anything you stick to me that's not real whether you're a Buddha or you know you're not a. Sentient Being It's not real and says if you're a she said you know you were a Buddha and you are sentient being how can you be a Buddha and a sentient being this is also again part of you know what you bring you know the Buddha put an end to suffering and he was probably still a sentient being. But anyway. I was sitting here and I said I'm kind of I'm really anxious and I've had to move my things are in cards I don't have my notes with me. And. So you know we'll see how it goes and the woman sitting next to me she grabbed my hand in my wrist and before I knew what was happening in my hand between her breasts I thought. What is my hand doing between this woman's breasts. And she said oh she was saying much she was grabbing my hand and pulling up to her bass she was saying Oh are you anxious I'm anxious to. And about that time I noticed like my good Her heart was just going thump thump thump thump. I said my God you are anxious aren't you your heart is just thumping away and then she said Yeah but everybody in the room is anxious to and then everybody relaxed so. We acknowledge that this is happening and there's nothing wrong with it we're not some kind of defective you know creature because we feel anxious but you can't have the idea that well the Buddha Woods never anxious and then anxious is that anxious or is you know and then you can also understand that the anxious you know anxious and excitement so close is it anxious or is excited I'm really excited to be here. And that's only a little shift in your consciousness so which is it and then you know I have a lot of energy coming up to do this class and I hope it works for you and I was in another situation that same kind of anxious at the start of the class you know they I thought we could have a you know I was told it was Cleveland you know has told me to have some fresh tomatoes and I was going to make a fresh tomato salad and that tomatoes that are here are rather salted and they're orange they're not actually red. So I'm not sure about what we're going to do and this woman says Ed but you've been practicing Buddhism for more than thirty years what do you have to be nervous about how come you're still nervous. When I guess I'm a lousy student you know a bit is that you know why don't you see about becoming you know less than real and what you can do about like oh I never get anxious I never get nervous you know I just everything changes and it you know what I you know plan on isn't going to happen and I don't know what to do and you know I just I never get stressed at all about any of that but you know I want to do a class for people and then actually to me I think it's real if I'm real and people say to me gosh it's such a relief that you're real I thought I had to be somebody else and that I couldn't be real so I've learned how to be real you know and maybe there's things I don't understand you know maybe I'm not good at maybe I don't understand about the four know which is maybe you can go and practice and and and have the realization that Buddha had in you put an end to suffering and in ways that I had no idea about you know frying I'm sharing my interest my understanding and my understanding of Dogan And you know having been practicing you know as I have but I'm not saying that that's the only way to do it and you know and you may. And and you need to have your your questions in your way so you can mine you know to go and study so what's changed for me is that I much more accept the fact and then I use it as a teaching you know when you're cooking there are times when you don't know what to do and you can get kind of anxious now let's think about what we're going to do here and let's just stop here and when you do get anxious like this it's a good thing to stop and then reassess and so forth and so I start to use it as and I'm getting anxious now and I don't know what's going on let's stop you know you you want to stop and have a checklist this is happening with this dish this is happening with this what's going on with each just what's still to be done do we need to change your plan do we need to adjust given the time we have should we leave out a dish we add another one. And so it becomes a teaching like this is the life we live in there's no way to just end it so on Rio If you watch a cooking show on television nobody does any work. Nothing ever goes wrong if you were masterful and good at this like I am and like I'm showing you you would have no problems this just look at this wonderful dish no problem it's so easy you just ask and the stuff is already cut up for you and you know it comes out of the oven no bacon look I put it in the oven no it comes out here it will go right. We don't have to and you don't have to work it's also easy and like isn't it isn't that great no problem that's not real. Yes. You know what about how brilliant that was that she could make mistakes on my television. She dropped a suckling pig on the floor is the classic one and she said Oh that's OK no one's looking you can just pick it up. Millions of people or what have. You you know well I have a friend who met Julia Child and he was the Irving was inspired by coming to a cooking class I'm writing and he said to go to the New England Color Institute and after whatever it was nine months or a year or something you then you go out on a six month externship and they get you a job someplace so he was cooking he became the lunch cook at even well magazine. Which is in south the Burlington Vermont. A across the across the whatever Lake Champlain or what is from Essex is a ferry from near in well that goes across to Essex but anyway Irving was and then so then urban You say well this is a show he's going to stay here so he was alleged cook at a momentous thing and then he became the president he set up his own chapter there for much up to the American history to food and wine which had been started by Julia Child and Dick graph and Robert Mondavi and whoever and then he so he set up the chapter of it and he was the head of it. So then he context to it Ted says well we have a chapter of the Americans to why would you come and visit and. So when day she came in she was there she was eating my magazine and she's looking at the things she's And she says these these people actually eat like this do you think this is just to do a magazine right this is what they want to eat is it. And everyone says no it's not what they want to eat they want pizza and hamburgers and you know they don't want to eat the stuff that's in their magazine. So. It's like and the whole you know as far as that goes the whole food thing is so screwing you know I mean it's just it's unbelievable and I just read for instance this year find they a book which is just an amazing book that if you read it I mean it. It's called The Great coalesced role Con It's by a Scotch Scott British doctor named Malcolm Kendrick and he explains how the whole business of fact causes chorused Roque arrest all causes hearted to disease is the ad itself hoax Staten drugs Lipitor and all the other stand drugs are only the pharmaceutical industry's largest selling most profitable drug in the history of pharmaceuticals so they have a tremendous tremendous stake in getting you to believe that cholesterol causes heart attacks and you need to take something if a tour and doctors have been telling me for years take some Lipitor and I've said Excuse me I am not intended to damage my liver in order to save my heart. And there are all kinds of side effects to live a tour instead of drugs. And you know he points out like no matter how many paradoxes there are to this theory that cholesterol causes heart attacks it doesn't matter how many times you say well there's the French the French have one of the highest Questor zero highest saturated fat Heisler Estoril in Europe and one of the lowest heart attack rates but that doesn't change the fact that cluster all causes heart attacks. You know they drink a lot of wine with that so we all should be drinking more. And then but then he has for instance Indian immigrants immigrants from India to the west and they don't smoke don't drink vegetarian one of the lowest. You know levels of cholesterol and one of and among the absolute highest rates of heart attacks of any population group and why and so you know funny you get around to you know what because I detect stress. It's very stressful to be living in a different culture and trying to figure out how to support yourself and you know where you're going to live where you know we're going to do this that is very stressful and I have at least two friends now you know I a friend of mine. Judith Keenan told me about it she's it's you know it's a mutual friend of ours and it was right in the middle lower bridges is really interesting and certainly agreeing. We had it in their mission in June and said to me Did you hear about our friend and it turns out seventy years old and he tried to stab themself to death he cut his and then I went to see him after you know at some point after that he had he kind of he went to the Rose Garden and Berkeley in front of the little garden shed there and he cut his left wrist he cut his right wrist he tried stabbing himself he cut himself in seven places and the gardener happened to come to work you know seven thirty in the morning a couple minutes after and called the ambulance and he was saved and I went to see him the next day I woke up and I got oh my God he's been depressed now for ten years I'll bet he started taking Staten drugs at the age of sixty sure enough I called up his wife when did when did he start taking Staten drugs. And he's never been like that he's a very positive person. Anyway but that's a whole different thing but there's all kinds of things that you can buy into and this is you know getting away from DON'T him that sorry. Nothing's really right. You know we're against. It's like. Is it causing suffering you know because if something's. Right if you're doing something the company Yeah is that. Well this is. One of the things that Doug is pointing out here is you know these things are always you know there's always like different ways to look and there's all these these different things are going on and whatever you do. You know you can't finally even if you successfully change something like that you can't exactly say I did that you know we don't actually know it's like as I was saying before you know we think like I will practice Buddhism I will do good and then and then you're going to stop at some point say have I been able to do this am I getting anywhere if I have I've been doing good if I know and then it's always going to be about the same and you can't say you know none of us can say when I reach doesn't exist did it when I accomplished or didn't accomplish its own just its own fiction and then we make up different versions of this fiction and then we settle down you know what classically would be this but you know the perfection of wisdom is you know that we make up a story and then we settle down we make up a story and then we settle down in the story and we forget that we just made it up and so down it is hard to believe it's true and then why don't we make up a know the story well because the way we made up is true it's real so we so you you can you can do what you want because you're moved to do what you you know you choose to do. And then And then there's. People who are still going to go on suffering you're going to go on suffering you know have some you know have happened joys and sorrows and you know. Pain and pleasure and you know there was you know life and birth and death delusion and so so you. Can say is now in the tense okey doke and he says. So rather than trying to figure out like you know that sort of thing just make a sincere whole hearted effort he doesn't say you know accomplish or you know. Says make a sincere you know don't you know you know what you know to be able to please everybody you won't make everybody happy. He won't you know completely put into suffering people will have various experiences and you can't control the experiences they're going to have. For you know make a sincere offering of of your life energy in the way you find to do that and if you if you start get involved with you know I should be doing this because what a really good person would be doing is this and you know I mean back when I was a student here there was and you know there's all these various things I mean we know the world is coming to an end to have you know but in those days it was like there was an article in Ramparts magazine or something you know the oceans it will be dead in fifteen years. It might be close but it's been about whatever forty years and. So what that well any right thinking you know you know sane you know good person would be out saving the oceans. But you know I owe choosing to be here to her so we we have different you know gifts and different energies and you know some of us are moved to do something like that and to undertake whatever you know it is I happen to have my so I just understand like and indo can says this is you know your effort is. One person's effort is you know identical with you know and practice without the Buddhism but South is another Buddhism by itself is a practicing with you and your when that moment in your one little do drop in your one drop of water on the grass. And in what seems to you to be a small life you know everything must be there there but isn't good he said as must be there and Lightman integration is there and. You're living in the midst of not it not been able to exactly say which is which what's what. And still we have we make our good hearted effort in. Someplace. Some of us were coming in the other day I mean you know the A.C.L.U. you give money to them and then they just spend it all and sending you so this is patients every other week sometimes three or four week. So pretty saying you don't want to give them money because it just seems like they're using your money to cut down trees you know so it's it's hard to know the like we doing any good and we're not doing good and yes some of these things you know but you know we're all sort of like. Tracy. Or a strong. Oh yeah it's not there's a system in place but that's the way things are but there's no system that somebody established or is doing even though it can seem that way you know half the advertisements on television are telling you what to buy and the other half is John you have to get over what you bought. And buy these buy this. Get this anti-acid. And then and then it's but it's not like somebody said that. You know people are responding to what's going on and instead of looking like you know if somebody had a mind to that would be pretty ingenious. I want to come back a little bit to the gains are going you know these me to carry yourself forward and experience many things is the illusion that maybe things come forth and experience themselves is awakening. Those who have great realization of delusion but as those who are greatly deluded about realization are sentient beings. So again you know I'd like to just mention that you know one or two examples here I have. You know for many years studied very carefully my breath in meditation some of you I stayed in. And you know is there an eye that is breathing now I go follow my breath right so and then I'm going to experience my bed being long and short and I'm going to find it this and that. And is there and I think continues throughout this and again as we were talking the other day if you have an I can it change or is it not changing and if it changes how can it still be you how can something that is not used to be you. Because you changed. So what would make it still you so this is a kind of lose their context but down this in terms of fire wood in ASH. So you can have this kind of idea about I will study my breath I will see how this works and and then implicit in that we actually start to have you know like I will make it a certain way I'm going forward I'm going to have a combat and we start to like regulate our breath and sometimes it's so imperceptible and and then he says that maybe things come forth in experience and. Is there some way to really not be doing anything in that in your breath but I didn't inhale arise and be just as long as it seems to be. Expressing itself and can you and and then. And it bad comes to some inhalation and then there's an there seems to be a pause in the sensations and almost imperceptibly you know and probably the exact moment imperceptibly breath is exhaling and it's somebody doing this the more that somebody just this the more it's delusion the more somebody allows things to come forward then we call that awakening. And this is also called you know practice in the right moment and right and in his practice the realization to realize things we're practicing to realize we. Bring out we don't need to effort we don't need to make the bad happen we don't need to make anything happen we can rely on when. And when the bad comes to the end of the actual a sion says if you're a she says you can disappear into complete calmness and interest in this completely that Ingo there's often can be a process and you're not sure that there's going to be an inhalation if you're thinking for a moment and then there's a new nation. And he is with the other people said when you and again you know we use language variously But when you take care of the explanation in the inhalation takes care of itself. But that you know and then if you and we say we have the term follow your breath but actually so what's intended by follow the breath because you can't have the best go and then you're wearing this kind of tag along after. That. So somehow the awareness is going to be exist is much as possible exactly with this in sation so breathing and you have to forget yourself and just you forget yourself you're exactly with the sensation of breathing and then it's only when you. Let go of something that you realize I was actually holding my breath in some way. Or you can see well you can because of your conception and because you're going forward and you think you have a body and then. You can have your back straight and you can have the best just in the front of your body. Because you believe that you have a body and that you are you've had the instruction to have your back straight so the breath is just in the front but when you're back be breathing so what you perceive if you're carrying yourself forward you perceive you have a limited perception and a limited Rev experience in things right when you experience your back body breathing why when you experience your pelvis breathing right when your legs you're breathing everything your whole body can be breathing but. Conceptual constructs get in the way and we limit our experience. And also implicit in this and what. You know joke in Buddhism. You know if you people over and over again think emptiness. Means you get rid of your thinking you get rid of says your past thoughts are not a help for realisation This doesn't mean your paths thoughts. Were wrong and where deletion then you need to get rid of them past thoughts were in themselves realisation but because you were looking somewhere else for something else you thought and you said past thoughts can't be realisation this thinking can't be realisation. But realization is a big to experience something as you know so closely without you know being separate and there being an I. So the emptiness is implicit and reality is implicit in any moment. And this is also in whether it's in Ginger corner for the fences and forget oh you're on this and the next page on twenty six steps and says Here is the place here the way unfolds the boundary of realization is not distinct realization comes for simultaneously with the mastery of the put it down my. Mastery here is you know again a tentative translation because you could just say with the practice of but a time I do not suppose that what you realize becomes your knowledge and his grasp by a kind of just this. In that I think yes what I was thinking of is the zero up in the previous paragraph when you find your place where you are practice occurs actualize in the fundamental point when you find your place where you are practicing careers you're getting real Where are you you're not trying to get someplace else that doesn't have these problems you write with your experience. You write with your not liking your experience sometimes that's what you write with practice and when you find your way at this moment practice occurs actualization the fundamental point the place the way is neither large and small and you do yours and or others it has not carried over from the past and is not merely arising now according to lay in the practice and right men have been away meeting one thing meaning one thing one moment is mastering it doing one practice is practicing living. And everything is you know in this capacity we have to experience very deeply. And we find you know pain bring you experience that closely you can't you know you have to experience it from a distance to call it pain otherwise it's some points and say. And it gives us information and we do something about it. I mean if you really write. Well I might suggest it with that is breathe it into your heart and that's the way to be right with it. Because as long as you're add a. Little distance from that and and. Then then you have great psychic pain right you agree I will be this into my heart. Then something which you know pretty dramatic can shift. And you're right with it. And that right with it is what you know when we started. You know coming to rest is something is like breathing it into your heart that's one possibility it could be exactly that OK it's four thirty so if some of you need to. Return to your activities please. I'm sure there's more childhood and you know if you if you might want to stay and. Continue for a little bit here. Thank you all for coming. So. Much About that yes. Oh yeah your stuff and when you stop struggling. With your straddling and then like that's that's tricky business sometimes you need help with that from. Me. Well as you know we we have sequence. You know there's five hindrances. Desired or agreed catering and then slots into our prayer excitement worry and doubt and each of those has a metaphor and water you know that desire is like this bright colors really in the water and then the anger is like it's a roiling in bubbling and then this stuff into a prison so scuzzy and Rossi and you know the greed and excitement is like it's I mean the excitement of worry is like it's Ripley or something and then the doubters like and somebody. So how are you going to get clear water and our tendency is I will clear the water by you know having a new hindrance. So if you have to say here well let's get some anger and get rid of that. Then if you have some anger then you can you know get depressed you know. I'm trying to you know that. Anyway. So. You know me. I don't know what he would. Do you. Yes it seems he. Did something you know. If you're following your breath in meditation you know you're endeavoring to follow your breath and then you aren't. So that's a kind of you you have to understand I'm getting distracted. One possibility at that point would be to say what is wrong with you I told you to follow your breath come back to your breath so you have a kind of anger and then at some point you say this is this is what's the use what's the use no matter what I do it doesn't work so you can go you know into doubters into a prayer and. So but the point in the point of you know one of the points of practice here is that right as soon as you notice this just stop you know and be where you are or the place the way you know when you find your way at this moment find your way at this moment come back to find your way at this moment rather than all the reactions to how you lost your way and then your reactions to your reactions this is this so we're going to stop as soon as we can and like OK I lost my way it's sort of like saying what just come back to your breath you know start to get it when we used to count you know. It doesn't matter how many times you lose your way start again anyway. I wanted to I was going to talk a little bit about the. You know one of the most famous I mean this is a very famous passage or to carry yourself for an experience mean things is the vision that made things come for the experience themselves as awakening and one of the point you know that I'm emphasizing these days is the more you give out directives. Do this don't do that move here go there sit like this no don't sit like that the more you give yourself directives that she will be sensing and experiencing rights actually going on so this carrying yourself forward kind of goes along with giving out directives to yourself and others you need to this you should that and and when you go to since I was and I've been trying to explain to people for years now when you sit down take a few moments to find your hips. And then use your intelligence instead of just telling them sit up straight. Oh OK But you can actually use your intelligence to find your hips and that means standing where your hips are. Forward to back and then side to side and you're using your intelligence instead of telling your hips where they need to be and what they should be doing you could use your intelligence to actually find them and use your intelligence to help them find their. And their stability rather than you tell them you see the the. Typical kind of so-called hierarchical or what some people call it but there are a chariot mentality is I will tell you what to do and I don't appreciate any feedback thank you and we need to be certain that we start out Buddhism with this kind of mentality I will find out how to practice so I'm going to say it and I don't want to and I'm going to park my body here and I don't want to hear from him because I'm meditating. And we have this kind of ideas and after what I was hearing maybe I could like actually feel started feeling like what's happening and I could allow for how it is I could use my i could be using intelligence to like study. And then as you study this pretty soon you actually find you help your hips find their stability in the where their balance there is stable and the more stable there are the more nice you have. And then as you have peace in your hips you're stable then naturally the energy. Grows tall inside this is all about you know sensing and using your intelligence to sense what's happening as opposed to giving out directives it's a bit of an analogous to this carrying yourself forward. With your various directives and sensing was happening and studying. How to bring in some intelligence kind of the witness to what's going on. And then when your hips have something to say you know you say oh are you too far forward or you to fire back a half way where would you be more comfortable here and you say this with your legs and used to do this. Rather than just what is wrong with you it just got you really think in Jesus' whimp. There's that to yeah. I saw Absolutely yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. So it's really moment by moment response of you know. Very sweet you know the answer. And that's what we love about sports sports to receive people forgetting themselves and manifesting in various ways. And you know Michael Murphy I think was Michael Murphy you know the founder of wrestling he was very interested in sports you know and one point he got to spend a good deal of time with the forty nine years and he would tell they would tell him stories that they had and they would not tell anybody else because it just sounds too good to read you know and in the midst of football games sometimes they would know you know where there was Joe Montana or it was that it's a. I just threw the ball I knew that it was the right place to throw it I couldn't see the receiver I just knew he was going to be there and you know and they were there doing things that are like out of the body and you know all kinds of extraordinary things. And. And so we actually can see that the same way we do with like a surfer it's pretty extraordinary. And we're not always able to do that sometimes we struggle and we see something and we go ahead and do it anyway and it's intercepted and. We make bad decisions and then you know OK you made a bad decision and then some people are willing to go. I'm just going to do the best I can you know and and. Then you can try to compensate for having made a bad decision by being hesitant to do something and one of my friends used to say I'm you know I said I said to my wrists are very stiff when he's supposed that. He said Why don't you study a little bit and let me know and so I sat down I was meditating the NEXT TO couldn't feel my hands sensation just came down here and so I told this person you know. You know when I meditate it's like I don't even have hands and he said you old souls are all alike and it's you know because you know this is like you know California New Age to do you know right ever Stephanie But anyway you know old souls are all alike and I said what's that he said right you know old souls they've made already all these mistakes that are like times you've made all these mistakes but you don't so many terrible things in this life time you're not going to make those mistakes again so just to be on the safe side don't have hands. So one of the mistakes that old souls make or people who meditate make is in order not to make mistakes the mistake you make is to not make any mistakes and to not do anything to not do anything because you might make a mistake. It's a kind of passivity So that's one of the one of the challenges are things to observe at some point and I just go ahead and do something and maybe it's a mistake but I will go ahead and say what I want to say and I will go ahead and do what I did you know. And maybe somebody will of this you know will call me out but I'm not going to just kind of try not to be seen and to be heard and you know because it might be a mistake and I would keep to myself and I you know so and spiritual people have at times anyway that kind of issue. Right so I want to go on here. Because this other paragraph is. Again you know probably in some sense the best known paragraph in all the Dogan to study the Buddha way is to study the self to study the self is to forget this to forget the self is to be actualized or realised by myriad things but actually lies been made things your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away no trace of realization remains and there's no trace continues and there's a. And again you know. We're going to be doing you know we're going to be doing these things we're not going to just all the time be actually rise by myriad things and you know because that's just not the way of life works you know. One of the things I've been very interested in this year is you know insight or intuition. And actually was about a year ago there was a fascinating article in The New Yorker magazine about insight and it mentioned this smokejumper in Montana fifty years ago now and he went in with a crew of thirteen or fifteen men and they were across the canyon from the fire they started going down the direction of the wind changed and the fire was coming at them three hundred yards a minute or something or three hundred yards a second it was coming at them very fast and he told his crew to run and they started trying to run up the hill and there's a pathway to this day and no graves and crosses and stars of it and he in the midst of running had this brainstorm or in say flash I knew something. And he got out his lighter and he hit the you know that the ground had him up the hill fire started burning up the hill he went into the burned area got is a cloth the wet it from his canteen cut down as low as he could and the ground would hold the clothes through his face and the fire went over him because he was in a burglary. And he saved his life the burned area he well he had his sense he was forward but yet but he had he had burned the hillside he was trying to go the fire was coming from behind him up the hillside so it's going very fast up to his side and he stopped and bit and he'd never heard of this it wasn't something never been taught and somehow it flashed this is what to do and as soon as it flashed he knew this is what to do and then he went ahead and did it so we don't every moment have flashes but sometimes when we're you know focused. You know and it where there are times and things occur to us and he knew when that occurred this is it this is right and he knew. And he did it and he acted on what he knew. And. You know so sometimes we have realization or insider intuition and then it's also how do I act on that. You know it's not it's yeah it's a. You know knowledge is what you have in this and what they've know and decided you know saying from with science so to speak his knowledge is what's on the left side of your consciousness your left brain and then from your left brain you try to figure out what to do and to do switch to do and figure it out and and then when you're left brain and this is you know sort of plastics into your left brain no longer can figure it out. And they actually have found that you can then it also helps to relax interesting enough. So you don't necessarily have the insight while you're sitting and know it can be while you're walking while you're taking a bath some people say maybe you need to take more bath you know but you can only take so many bad for you have a nap. And you when you know often inserts come when you get a little bit relaxed or you're talking with a friend and that's when something can flash when the you are you very focused and you have a problem or an issue you're very focused you can't figure it out it's in the back of your head your at some point you relax and then something flashes in the flash apparently starts in the frontal lobe and then it just goes all through you right brain you know instantaneously and you know something or so to speak know something or you hear something you know something occurs to you. And now can Gladwell writes about that among others you know in Blink he writes about that and. So anyway it's so pretty fascinating I love the part about how you know it helps to relax and it even said that the Richard Feinman it was you know physicist and figured out the cause of. Some shuttle thing disaster. They were the O.-Ring something or other but anyway. They say that he used to relax by going to topless bars. And then if he had any insights relax into the Times Square he'd write it on the cocktail napkin. And he'd drink seven. And kind of spaced out and see if something occurred to him and. Said this is. But so I thought I could say just a little bit about this distorted Buddha Way is there is. A First of all you know dug in Joe you know gin sure which is guidelines for state in the way says. The first thing if you're going to study Buddhism is to trust in Buddhism. And he says to trust in Buddhism is to believe that your life is inherently within the way if your life has always been within the way which means that all the problems and the wrong thinking in the confusions and the upside down and mistakes are all part of the path and he says you know you should know this and that and trust this and believe this that you know you've never not been on the path and then you can actually practice you know being with all of this. And. And that's another way of there he says to study yourself and Suzuki Roshi. I remember him talking about this because. You know and that people think you know Buddhism is something the exists outside of you and that if you could study because I'm an F. You would get to know Buddhism and that would have a good effect on you but actually but Islam is a way to study you will use them as a way to study how you perceive things how you react to what you perceive what you feel what you think you know how how your life happens how do you. How do things work and it's not as though there's some Buddhist and that you know in secrecy at one point says you know this is not something you're going to be able to just keep in the refrigerator and go and open the door and use it when you need it. Your life your life there's not actually Buddhism apart from people's lives. And this is one of the big emphasis in you know so to Zen Richard Baker you know Baker is used to say this too there's no buddhism apart from you or me you know there's just the good is in each of us and just in some practices and you know Suzuki Roshi was saying that and then he would say you know you think I am the teacher and that you are the student I have things to tell you that you don't know that is wrong that is wrong thinking that is a mistake but. This is something you know that each of us is finding out for ourself knowing for ourselves and the way Degen says this is. To study but the Buddha way is to study up and says acres at one point was given a number of actions so I asked him I said so it was you know I don't feel like. I'm I don't understand this you know I don't see were practicing Buddhism is steady myself and he said just keep practicing. Because he also said you know if Buddhism being here attests to her and practicing is not your they if you're not learning about yourself go and do something where you can learn about yourself. But mostly you know of course we learn a lot about ourselves you know we find out how we get tired and how we you know get angry and how we you know various things we learn all kind of just. In the context of practice and we somehow experience all of that more closely and carefully and when we're just at an. Experience you know what I'm just I have a lot of thinking going on and of course we have to understand in that you've always had all that thinking going on and it's just you know that you're sitting you realize it. So we steadier as your friend you know who I am and again this is like I was mentioning the other day it to bend teachers you say you know you Americans want to get someplace Why don't you start where you are. And then you'll have some better idea about you know the next step to take you know where you are you can go in some direction or have some sense. And again to study the self is to forget this. So we may find out a number of things and we may believe these things we may believe I'm shy we may believe I don't have any I don't have any I don't have any capacity for speaking to the public you know. And you know just speaking up or to expressing myself in meetings or. We can believe very sings about ourselves and at some point we forget ourselves and go ahead and do things and we forget that whenever it is we found out we go ahead and and see what's going on and we reset and we breathe and we cook and weakly You know we walk and bathe. And then we remember what's happening with me am I doing. It but there are certainly times when we forget ourselves and you know and life is unfolding and when that when we forgot herself in life is unfolding then all this we're getting all this information again it's more like sensing a receding experience rather than giving out the directives about how it's going to be if I was in charge. And no feedback please people you. Know.