Good evening, I brought both the German and the English of, in English, of Tomato Blessings and in German, des Lechern der Deschen. And I was wondering if somebody would read the Rilke sonnet here, Auf Deutsch. I have a copy here. It's the beginning of my book. If I try to read it in German, you will throw tomatoes. A little more slowly, please.

[01:03]

Transparent, doppeldeutig, sonnig, erdig, hiesig, o Erfahrung, Fühlung, Freude, Rilke. Heinemarie Rilke, des Sonnets von Auf Deutsch. Will you read it again in German too? Second time, yes. Second time. Even just a little more space between words, so people can hear and feel. Voller Affe, Birne und Verlage, starke Ehre.

[03:08]

Eines dieses spricht, wo und lebende nun. Ich ahne, lebt es einem Kind vom Angesicht, wenn es ihr schmilzt. Dies kommt vom Leib. Sieht euch lautlos in Runde. Wo sonst Worte waren, fließen Funde, auf dem Fruchtfleisch überrascht geteilt. Mag zu sagen, was ihr Apfel nimmt. Diese Süße, die dich erst verdichtet, um im Schlecken leise aufgerichtet klar zu werden. Lach, mundtransparent, doppeldortig, sonnig, erdig, hiesig.

[04:22]

Vorerfahrung, Fühlung, Freude, Friedlich, Unliebe. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[05:38]

Thank you. So, this sonnet by Rilke is one of my favorite poems. It's certainly my favorite poem about food, if you can say it's about food. It's about someone experiencing life, you know, very closely, tasting very carefully. And you can tell, you know, there's a lot of heart in it.

[06:57]

When we connect, you know, with something, to connect with food or your own experience, your own body, your own mind, to connect is to know this kind of deep feeling. And you know that things are not just things. Food is not just food, it's also spirit, and your own life, and your own good heart, and your effort. And we give our attention, our effort, our hands, our labor, our heart to food, and then it brings people joy and well-being. There's different ways to translate the three words at the end, or knowledge, pleasure, joy, immense.

[08:12]

But, you know, this comes from far away. And no longer words, but something beyond words comes through the food and through your experience. When it's very close, then you become in connection, intimate. And the food is revealing you, you are revealing the food. And I think it's easy to see in this poem that Roka is not someone who's doing this by the book. This is something, as he says, The apple in your tasting grows awake, clarified, luminous, double-meaninged, sunny, earthy, real.

[09:18]

It's coming out of his experience, out of his body, out of his being, out of his heart. It's coming out of his experience. Sometimes, you know, I do cooking classes and I ask people to taste. Let's taste this. And then people will say, what should I be tasting? What should we be tasting? Because we have some tendency, you know. I'd rather have the right experience than my experience. I'm not sure if my experience is a good enough experience to be having. So, I want to make sure I have the right one. And the kind of experience that will receive approval and recognition. So, part of what we're doing in this cooking is to study, to trust your own experience.

[10:30]

You know, let your experience wake you up. And trust what your experience is. When it's salty, you know this is salty. If it's sweet, you know it's sweet. If it's sour, you know it's sour. And you know what reminds you of flowers or springtime or autumn or summer winds, summer breezes, fruit ripening, sunlight in the fields. You know what food, when you taste it, you know what is occurring to you. This is true, you know, in many ways.

[11:48]

Food and cooking is just one area of this kind of truth. Where you can study your own experience and know for yourself what is what. What's what. This works, this doesn't work. This is to my advantage, this is not. And you don't need to be telling yourself, do this, don't do that. You only need to observe carefully. And little by little, you know, we know we can trust our heart. And our heart has not been, you know, taken over by our thinking. And we know when our heart has not been taken over by some kind of afflictive emotion.

[12:55]

You know, painful emotion, anger or greed. And so, you know, by carefully practicing, you know, our heart becomes more and more awake and more and more clear. We know our own heart and we know I can trust my heart. And then it's no longer living by the book. It's living from your own living heart. And then of course, one of the things you will find out is even when you're living by the heart, it doesn't mean everybody else appreciates it. Recently, my next-door neighbor, I've known my next-door neighbors for 25 years.

[14:05]

And then my other next-door neighbor, I've known for maybe 20 years. And they've known each other all this time too. And recently, one of them said to the other one, I love when you come over for dinner. I feel so happy seeing you. And the other person said, that really hurts. Sometimes, you know, it's hard to have somebody love you. When you have a compliment, oh, thank you. And sometimes when people praise you, you start to think, uh-oh, what do they want from me? So even if your heart is clear and good, you know, sometimes still other people will be unhappy.

[15:14]

It's not something you can do anything about, or they may be sad or scared or anxious. Sometimes, you know, we say to, especially, you know, sometimes to our partners, but especially to our children, you know, Oh, don't be sad. I love you. Like, somehow that's supposed to take care of anything. So, you know, this week I will be speaking with you about a writing by Zen Master Dogen, which is The Instructions to the Cook. And I think I, you know, either...

[16:17]

Well, I have some copies of this in English, if some of you would like a copy in English. I can make, you know, probably syrups or, you know, materials can go to town. So let me know. So in Dogen, in his instructions, you know, it says it's important for the cook to make a wholehearted effort. You know, to give your heart to what you're doing. And have you noticed people eating donuts? They don't always... They don't always realize. Oh, you gave your heart to this? Why does it taste the way it does then?

[17:19]

So, if you think people will not appreciate if I give my heart to this, so who cares? Why would I go to that trouble then? Does that work? So, Dogen's advice is just go ahead and give your heart to it and offer it. Offer your offering and share your, you know, effort and your heart with others. And this is, you know, a big challenge, of course, for cooks. Because somehow food, even more than, you know, art or the garden, people you feel when you cook... It's me. They're going to be judging me through the food.

[18:29]

And we start to think, you know... And I want them to appreciate me so they better like the food. I better make the food to their liking so they appreciate me. And Dogen says, just make a good effort. Your best effort. Your wholehearted effort. And then, you know, you let other people... It's what I like to call an offering, you know, because it's something you offer. And as I said in the movie, you know, when we offer food to Buddha, you bow and then you leave. And Buddha doesn't say anything about the food, but you've done your part to offer it. And, you know, you're not in charge of what other people's experience is. What are we going to do? And some people like it, some people don't.

[19:32]

And sometimes things come out better, come out worse. But we do appreciate it. You know, I used to... When I was cook at Tassara, this is... Oh, God. What is 1967? It's 40 years now. We won't be here much longer. But the Japanese teachers who visited, they would come to me, the cook, and they would say, thank you for your effort. And they would bow to me. They never said, thank you for the good cooking. Or, thank you for the tasty meal. They would say, thank you for your effort, for the work you put into this. So this is, you know, nice when people appreciate, anyway, your effort.

[20:39]

And this is what we do. And this is what, you know, why, you know, sometimes, instead of doing something from our own experience, just tasting carefully, deciding for you, because you know from your experience what to do, we say, oh, I'm going to get a recipe, so I'm sure it will come out the way that everybody likes, and then they will also like me. Is that true? What do they know about you? Except that you followed a recipe. And then people say, that was good. Oh, thank you. I got the, I did what the book told me to. Then, what did they know about you and your heart? And, yes, they know, oh, you must have really wanted to please me

[22:03]

if you followed a book. And you must have wanted to make sure that you pleased me. So you did what you thought would make me happy. And, you know, when people actually share their food or their heart, you know, and sometimes you know when you receive a present or somebody just even smiles or says hello, you know, oh, yes, pleased to meet you. Thank you for being here. Hello. And you meet somebody and then you know, oh, thank you. And you know, you know when somebody is not just trying to, hi, nice to meet you. That's so cute. You know when somebody is trying to just make a good impression

[23:07]

and they're not really sharing, you know, themselves. So we're all studying how to do this. And one way to study it is with food. And at Tassara and Zen Tradition, you know, we also, you know, serve each other food in the meditation hall. And it's so interesting because in the meditation hall, if you serve somebody food, it's one of the most intimate things you can do. We have a pot of food and then we bow to two people, in between two people and we set the pot down. And then someone will hold out their bowl and you put the food in the bowl. You don't look in their face. It's just the movements of the bowl and putting in the food. And then when somebody has enough, they signal by raising their hand. And then they hold the bowl or put it down and then bow. And the server bows.

[24:11]

And in that context where it's so silent and, you know, formal, it feels very intimate, very close connection. Once a student, we have at the end of our meditation intensives, a formal question and answer period with the teacher. And it's with everybody, publicly. Each person, one by one, asks the teacher a question. And the teacher answers in front of everybody. So, one time, one of the women that I've been working with in the kitchen has said to Suzuki Rishi,

[25:14]

What do you feel when I serve you food? What do you feel when I put food in your bowl? And Suzuki Rishi said, I feel like you're offering me your most perfect love. It's not just food. This is our heart and our love. And the way we actually can share that with someone. And it doesn't mean necessarily every day or each meal or every moment.

[26:19]

But, you know, this is our direction. And sometimes we hit the mark. Sometimes we miss. And, again, the other word, you know, Douglas, is to make it wholehearted. You know, sharing, you know, putting your heart into something. And, you know, I think, you know, and this is, you know, already difficult because, you know, we've already had, you know, so many times our heart broken or we've been disappointed. And we learn not to put our heart into things because it's too painful, we think. But the alternative, not to put your heart into things, is probably more painful.

[27:25]

So we forget. And the other word, you know, that Douglas says, is to make a wholehearted and a sincere effort. So, again, sincere is where the blemishes or mistakes show. Everything isn't perfect. The S-I-N is like sans in French, S-A-N-S. And the Sere is wax, so it's without any wax. And in Italy, for instance, when they made statues, if there's a little crack, you could fill it with wax, put a patina over it, you don't see. Or people would take coins and clip part of the coin away, put wax in there, collect little pieces of metal from many coins and have metal. So wax you can use to make it look like it's real and it's good.

[28:30]

And cover up the mistakes. So sincere is without covering up. It doesn't mean, though, you know, of course, to serve food that's rotten or gone bad. But it means things aren't perfect. You know, today I was a bit disappointed for a while. After lunch at one point I thought, oh yes, those canned tomatoes. I saw them at the end of lunch. You know, we were about to eat. They were supposed to go in the soup. That soup would have been a lot better. With the tomatoes. With the tomatoes. Good thing to taste. So I forgot. And you might not even realize how sincere that soup was.

[29:35]

That it didn't have the tomatoes. I know. I know. But this is, again, you know, a question of how to live your life. Sometimes, you know, we don't cook very much at all because we think this, I can't do it well enough. So I better not even do it at all. Pretty soon, what's left? You know, you can't cook because it may not be good enough and then sometimes you can't even walk down the street. You know, people, when we get really discouraged and depressed, they can just stay in bed. Because you can't even be good enough to walk down the street

[30:45]

and have strangers look at you. I can tell you about this because I know something about this. I know days like this. So when you have a high, if you think it needs to be this good, or I better not do it, pretty soon you can't cook. And, you know, what about talking with somebody? Sometimes I better not talk with that person because I don't know how to talk that well. And in relationships, sometimes it's going to be too painful. I don't know how to say this without getting angry. So I better not say anything. I better just keep it to myself because whatever I express won't be good enough.

[31:50]

So this kind of thing is, you know, something to study. And sometimes it will be better to be, you can decide maybe it's good to be sincere rather than just be quiet. To be sincere rather than not cook at all. To be sincere is better than not writing at all or not speaking. And to express or offer something that is from your heart. And you try to offer something that somebody else can receive and hear and, you know, even though it's not perfect. And then you can listen to how they receive it. And, you know, the interesting point is then that we only get better at cooking, at speaking,

[32:53]

at writing, at communicating when we practice. All the meditation, I don't know that all the meditation, I tried it. 20 years of meditation. Do you suddenly like, oh, I've got such great communication skills now. I don't think so. You have to talk to develop communication skills. You can't just meditate and have them come to you. And you can't just meditate and now you know how to cook. You cook because you cook and you try something and it's a little awkward and it doesn't come out so great and then you learn something and you keep doing it and, you know, various things will happen. So I'm a great, you know, I've been studying this for a long time

[33:56]

and being wholehearted, giving your heart to something, being sincere, offering what you have to offer and then your skill and your capacity to express and to share food or yourself with others, you get better and better at it. So in the meantime, you know, you may eat some disasters. You know, Robert Bly is an American poet. You may know Robert Bly. Anyway, American poet. I'll tell you a short Robert Bly poem as long as I'm talking about Robert Bly.

[34:57]

What is sorrow for? What is sorrow for? Do you know sorrow? The word in German? What is sorrow for? Sometimes something like sorrow comes up and No, thank you. Robert Bly's poem says what is sorrow for? It is a storehouse of barley, corn, wheat and tears. One steps to the door on a round stone and the storehouse feeds all the birds of sorrow.

[36:05]

Oh, go ahead. Be stoic in the autumn. Be tranquil and calm. Or in the valley of sorrow, spread your wings. That's somebody who tasted sorrow carefully. Didn't just push it away. In the valley of sorrow, spread your wings. And fly. So, Robert Bly says there are five stages to re-owning the shadow. Do you know the shadow? It's also known as to reclaim what's in the basement of the psyche.

[37:11]

The shadow is the part of ourselves we've left in the dark because it's not something we want others to see because we thought if others saw it and we make these decisions when we're six months and two years you know, sometimes before language we decide what better not be others better not see or they might not like us and some of those people who might not like us, they're very big and we're that little. Anyway, you know, it's things we've put in the closet. It's the shadow. Sometimes, you know, children and many of you have children, so you know sometimes children have a lot of energy exuberance, playfulness, enthusiasm

[38:14]

and sometimes it is such a pain, isn't it? And then you see them sleeping and you think, oh, my precious. So sometimes what we put in the shadow it's not just painful things, sometimes it's our energy it's our enthusiasm, it's our playfulness, it's our joy and it's so much for the big people, so we put it in the closet in the shadow, in the bag, in the basement. This, by the way, is the basement. That's why you follow your breath here so you can get in touch with what's in the basement. My Japanese Zen teachers used to say, Zen is settling the self on the self. You move back inside

[39:17]

by practicing meditation. You move down into the basement and you start to clean the double bed. People think, you know, meditation is to get up into the light and stay there, but I don't think so. Good luck with that. Anyway, when you re-own something from the shadow, now it's yours again. So, five stages, and I don't want to go into all five right now. We're going to stop soon, but you know, the first thing we do is to project what I put in the shadow onto somebody else. He's so angry all the time. He's so mean.

[40:21]

Look at the way he just says all that stuff. I can't stand it. How can somebody be so relentlessly happy? What's their problem? Anyway, we find something to criticize in people, you know. It's your stuff. It's not about them. Last year somebody said to me, you are so critical and judgmental. I said, oh really? And she said, yes, and it's not Zen. It's just not Zen. Okay. Sorry about that. So sometimes I get stuck when people put things on me. I got stuck that time. I think I'm a little better now.

[41:22]

I studied that for about three months. What happened? What do you say? And then people would give me different kinds of advice. You know, just easy things like, help me out here and tell me more about that. How is that for you? What happened? What do I need to know about this? Tell me. And somebody said, a good one is one of the ones you can do if you're up for it, as you say. Oh, I'm way too critical and judgmental. Tell me now, and what's the most difficult thing about that for you? I guess, you know, you can't say, I guess you must be critical and judgmental too, because that's why you're finding this problem with me. Nobody's ready to hear that, you know.

[42:27]

But little by little, you know. Anyway, the first stage is you project it. You put it on somebody else, and usually the other person doesn't like having it there. And after a while, your projection, your idea about somebody else doesn't always fit. It's very typical in relationships, right? You start out, we're so in love, and then? What happens? Then you start finding all these things that don't go with that. So you can't help it, you know. Because what do you fall in love with? You fall in love with your projection. And you know what Jung said is, you get married so that you can learn to re-own your projection and find out who you're actually living with. So, like, you're such a beautiful person.

[43:30]

Oh, you mean I'm beautiful too? Oh! You're such a mean person. Oh, you mean I'm mean too? Oh! Anyway, the third stage of re-owning your shadow is you... You reassert the projection. And you bring in a little moral authority now. You know, spiritual backing. So Zen and Buddhism, it's really good. I'm spiritual. I am calm. Ha! And look at those people who aren't Buddhists. How mean. And how narrow-minded they are. Look at them. But I am spiritual.

[44:32]

So you get some spiritual backing, and then it's good to be quiet. And, you know, and not talk too much. It's good to work on your own stuff. And so forth and that. Anyway, after a while that doesn't work either. And then you're at the fourth stage, which is what got me started on this, because then you have to just eat it. That's the way you are. That's who you are. You actually have these problems or capacities that you thought you didn't have, and then, oh my goodness, I've got them too. And it's not just something to do with other people. But in order to see it, you first have to put it on other people. And then you eat. And apparently Winston Churchill once said, I've often had to eat my words. And it's been very nourishing.

[45:35]

And then the fifth stage is, you know, you grow. And how you grow is larger-hearted. Your heart becomes larger. Do you know the Russian author Solzhenitsyn? He said, Wouldn't it be great if you could separate good from evil, and then eliminate the evil? And then he said, However, the line between good and evil runs right through the middle of each person's heart. And who'd want to destroy their own heart? But what we, you know, we notice, you know, when we start to go off,

[46:41]

when we observe carefully, we notice. And then we can restrain ourselves from going too far off that way. And we're able to be with other people, with our experience, without, you know, spreading it everywhere contagiously. So this is another point I wanted to mention tonight. And that Dogen also mentions for the cook, it's important to awaken, what he calls, you know, in Zen it's called, you awaken the mind that seeks the way. And this is what I've been mentioning to you. We're studying cooking, studying ourselves,

[47:45]

studying others, studying what is good connection, how to relate with things, how to be with things. And then we're also studying how to study. So today, you know, we taste one thing at a time, add one thing, taste, add one thing, taste. So because if you study like that, and you really learn something, if you put everything in the pot and you think you will study, it's harder to study. There was a Zen master, once a monk asked his teacher, teacher,

[48:47]

when the wave of 10,000 things washes over you, this wave of 10,000 things you're all familiar with, yes? It's like, you know, 10,000 things sometimes, it's a big wave. And you're not on a surfboard. You're going under. What should we do when the wave of the 10,000 things washes over us? What should we do? And the Zen master said, don't try to control them, the 10,000 things. Zen master Dogen says, this isn't just some good advice. Things cannot be controlled. But we learn something about, you know, coming back up to the surface.

[49:48]

And we learn how to be turned and tossed, and come back to being present. And the food doesn't always come out the way we want it. Tomorrow, do it again. Because we let go of it, we forget, we forgive. Okay. We're going to take just a few minutes now. We're going to put our cushions back. I want to teach you a little walking meditation, which we'll do for a few minutes here. And then we'll sit for just, you know, 8 or 10 minutes. And then we'll stop. So straighten up your cushions, and put your cushions back, and then we'll do the next step.

[50:51]

Okay. So this, the walking meditation, are you ready for some instruction? Walking meditation, we're going to use the formal hand posture. Left hand is a fist, right hand on top. And about level across your body here. Not up and not hanging down, but about level. And then it's, the walking will be one step with each breath. And, well, I will tell you the pattern for the walking in just a minute. But one step with each breath, so as you inhale, short step. Exhale. Shift your weight. Inhale. Step. Exhale. So it's pretty slow. Sometimes the person who's in front of you isn't moving. It's not clear, you know, whether they're not breathing, or they're not here.

[52:31]

maybe their awareness is somewhere else. So don't go nudging them to get them to walk, or we don't have horns to honk here in the Zen Dojo. So if there's space behind you, you can step back a couple of steps and then walk, or you may have to join the not walking until the person in front of you doesn't walk. Sometimes in Zen, there can be big traffic jams. We'll see how this goes. And then in six or seven minutes or something, I'll hit these clackers, and I'll go clack. It's clackers. And then we'll make a little bell in the same posture, and then we'll see if we can walk more quickly until you get back to where you started.

[53:37]

And I may encourage you to walk more quickly, because again, sometimes there'll be someone who, for one reason or another, they're not going to walk quickly. I go in there not doing that. I don't care what you say. Walking more quickly means see if you can catch up to the next person ahead of you. If everybody does that, we all walk more quickly. If one person is not walking quickly, then we can't walk quickly. So I'm going to encourage you, if it comes to that, I'm going to encourage you to walk more quickly. So here's what we're going to do. On this side of the room, you're going to go away from me up that way and then across the back. And on that side, down here. And then let's go up here. And then around the post. And back down here until you get around to over here. Does that make sense?

[54:39]

Is that too much? Okay. Well, you've got at least from here, I'll demonstrate. You get a little visual. So from here, you're walking slowly. I'm not going to walk all that slowly because it will take up all of our time for me to walk from here to over there. But from here, you'll come up here. We'll make it simple. And then this way. And then over here. And then you join in with this line that's going up here, across the back, down the other side. Okay. Is that okay? We don't want you to try to walk just right in front of the altar and step on the books and the cushions. Just stay on the floor. Okay? All right. Let's go. Let's quiet down now. Okay. Ready? I'm going to set it spread out a little bit. So come in and join the line here

[55:49]

someplace. Claudia and Isabel. Okay. So here we go. So inhale, step. And exhale, shift your weight. Okay. Inhale.

[57:02]

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

[58:14]

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Inhale. Inhale. Exhale. [...]

[59:58]

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. So a little bow, and then let's walk more quickly, continuing in the same direction. And when you can, move up and catch up to the person ahead of you. Follow along here. If there's space in front of you, walk more quickly to catch up to the person ahead. OK, so back to your seat, and we're all back.

[61:09]

I'll hit the crackers and we'll bow. And then let's sit for this last period facing the middle of the room. I think you may as well sit the same way you have been, and you'll be facing people. This way? No, this way, yeah. So even though this is, or maybe especially because it's a short period, take several moments to find your posture, to study where your hips are, and to find a posture, your place to sit, where you feel very calm, very stable.

[62:10]

It's something that you do with your practice, not just with your mind, but helping your body find its stability. And when I hit the bell to end this, and we'll go right into the chant of ho that we did last night. Ho.

[66:35]

Ho. [...]

[67:48]

Ho. [...]

[69:04]

Ho. [...]

[70:34]

Ho. [...]

[71:46]

Ho. [...] Thank you. I have a couple of announcements. One is I'd like to have us go into silence

[73:01]

now, unless you're well away from other people who are maintaining the silence. But basically, if you could be in silence now until we go to breakfast tomorrow, we'll have that much work. Some retreats have a lot more silence, like during the day. I think this is good if we can have the silence in the evening, and first thing in the morning, we have this quiet time. During the day, if you need some silence, you'll have to find a place to have your silence, because many people are talking. And it's useful in that case, or for any of us, to watch how your mind goes. Whether you enjoy talking and how your pleasure arises and you're interested in it, or if you hear people talking and somehow it's unpleasant for you and you wish it was silent and you are upset, then just watch how all that happens in your awareness

[74:03]

during the day. But for now, until we start breakfast, we'll chant, and then we'll go into talking. OK? Silent at night. Thank you. So let's stand, and then we'll exit more formally as we've been doing after we've all straightened our cushions. Do the cushions silently, please. Quietly fluff in the cushions. OK.

[75:05]

Hold that. And then, from the end of the room here, if you would go first.

[75:11]

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