2001.02.04-serial.00009

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and i said that's why that's why this is a ceremony you can't just do this at home on your own
you have to make a ceremony out of it and get together with some other people and you know
you know create this intention and focus and know presence
so that you can own the potato chip
it doesn't own you you know
and
and then when people carefully eat a potato chip and the course that dozens and it is or is somebody who was say suppose i don't feel like eating and potato chip
the
the
you know going back to the or is buddhism you eat what they put in your bowl
you know you don't say oh i don't eat dairy i don't know
hi i'm not having picked today and you know you'd just they put it in your bowl you eat it you know you don't like decide but in this case this is america you know we're free so you can do the ceremony and
so you can do this ceremony of not eating one potato chip is this is good and then you'll get to listen to the couric sounds you know in their own crunch crunch crunch and know
so sometimes when people actually eat a potato chip
and you're not watching television or you know the cocktail in the other hand you know or the football game you actually your attention you can devote your entire being you know to letting your heart go out and being a potato chip in a letter potato chip come into your heart
that's not what we're doing most of the time and we eat potato chips so that we don't have to do that that's the point of having a budget chip you can go unconscious and not relate to anything and it'll be pretty safe
it'll have an instant of salt and greece and then the biggest tasteless pop in your mouth and it's kind of innocuous and then you know there you are or aren't as the case may be

anyway
an instant of salt and greece and then in one person said and then a tasteless bulb and if i hadn't been paying attention to what is that there was something there was missing and i would have eaten more know to get what i didn't get when i had it the first time
so if you're not paying attention than you can eat a lot of them if you give it your attention is a white what is interesting about this
of course some people who haven't edited chip in many years you know they have to reactions sometimes they say i can't believe how good it is it's been so long since i've had one and then other people say this is awful it's as bad as i was thud
anyway so you get to have of course whatever experience you have when you let something that's your heart go out to something in that you know come into your heart
in one time after we had potato chips we tasted oranges
and then there were so good when the they just taste and orange and agent orange and people said oh it's so juicy and refreshing is sweet and succulent and this is amazing and this is sunlight and earthen fresh air this is incredible
and then we passed out oreo cookies
and people refuse to eat them
or they just took one bite and at that point you know they were after a potato chip in and orange they were so attuned to what was actually coming into their mouth that they can taste then didn't taste good and there's a good too
the sweetness the lack of any real flavor
no and then they got they ah
i want anymore this so they're all these cookies with like either they didn't take them or one bite out of it and sometimes just a little bite
so this is interesting
i find it interesting

i so there's some a couple of problems the basic problem about letting your heart go out and abide in things that in things return in bite in your heart is that is soon as your were if anything it won't be quite the way you'd like it to be
it won't be flavorful enough
ah it won't become enough are still enough and it will bring up questions for you you know how am i doing my doing okay my having the kind of experience i ought to be having
can i was hoping
he never to have more compassion or calmness in my life by now or whatever it is or somebody will say why didn't you do that
at ten
my companion patricia sometimes says when i'm cooking dinner is there anything i can do to help and i i right away here you are really incompetent and you can handle it so can i help you
so i get upset you know what do you mean i can't handle it
course i can handle it i don't need any help but that wasn't what she said you know but right away something occurs to me
you know so we make life right away as soon as you something comes home to and you experience something you know we make it personal
are you good enough do know what you're doing can you get it to come out things to come out the way they should can you make things being the experience you want to have
so this is you know technically called duca are suffering and buddhism
it's very simple you know things just as soon as you're aware of something it's not quite what you'd like
so in our usual idea of how to go through life is a we can control it better and make things come out more the way we'd like them to in practicing meditation is
instead of making things more acceptable i'll learn how to accept more
this runs counter to you know our culture
you to and you know it's like when somebody was one point making a video about me cooking they said ed brown will teach you how to produce vegetarian masterpieces
and i tell them that's exactly what i'm not doing it because i just want you to be able to cook and eat and i don't want you to have to think it's gotta be a masterpiece or why bother
you know that setting up some standard for yourself to come up to and then and then can you just taste something and put it in your mouth and eat it no because it's not a masterpiece yet
and if you're gonna do something it should be the best in the world or you know the champion something or rather are you know better than somebody somewhere
so when i when i tell people a cooking class taste what you put in your mouth that's let your heart go out and being in something lead something read turn to your heart and inviting your heart and people say which and i'd be tasting
because when in always worry about his am i getting it right and my having the right experience and having the experience that you know is indicates that i'm okay that i'm good
that i'm doing fine thank you my experiences accurate important useful
so can you just taste something or do you want to know what should i be tasting and this is meditation too soon as people start to meditate what kind of experience should you be having
oh calm peaceful and serene and tranquil
awake
a boy and cheerful
and then how can you make that experience happen
or can you just taste what you put in your mouth or you know can you experience what comes up for you when you sit still and you're not busy
and you can let something come into your heart
let your heart respond
and now you're not in control anymore and you don't know what will happen
and what it will taste like and sometimes it won't taste very good
well it from sorry

several years ago here it's probably been
oh twelve or fifteen years ago now i did a class
i got to people to come her people who had been practicing here at the since and air for ten twelve fifteen years or more and then had been away from sense and or for five years or more
and the class was what was that practice all about a dozen center when you were doing it what have you done since
and what is practice about for you know or is it have any relevance to your life at all anymore

so generally
you know people devote the first eight or ten or twelve years of practice to get into right
oh one woman said
she'd had a lot of problems with alcohol and drugs and she found this zen center and people were so together and
and she felt so wonderful practicing meditation
so she took all of her problems and difficulties and put them in the closet you know she had a nice room and send center so you put all your stuff in the closet
do that stuff that you know you're not going to let come into your heart and your heart you know abide in those things no no they go in the closet
then she said then what you do as you put a nice brick wall over the closet and on the brick wall you hang a tonka
and then everyday about and you say thank you for staying in the closet
and my practice must be working
because the bricks are holding
home so she said that worked for a long time
and then you know after whatever was years of practice that you know she was incidents so much and she started going to a minions
and it a a meetings you could actually talk about the difficulty in your life and it turned out how in a leg suddenly her difficulties to have difficulties and problems and emotional issues was okay everybody had them you could talk about them
and she didn't have to keep it all in the closet
but usually that takes you know use the in robert blinds you know five stages of and in your shadow the first stage is you project are you know you put their stuff in the closet you have it in the closet that you want to keep it there the second stage things started to come out of the closet the third stage do some some
merits of practice so you haven't you have a reason to put it back in this is spiritual not to relate with these things
but this is spiritually be calm and tranquil and peaceful and not to be distressed or angry or annoyed or petulant or sad or in a grave i'll just put it in the closet and that spiritual now
so the third stages reassert your projection and what you wanted to do and how you wanted to be reassured that and bring in some spirits authorities to back you up
then the for stage of practices you end up having to eat it
anyway and on your stuff you know the closet one way or another comes open and their the brick wall disappears
and the tonka comes down and it's very real is very ordinary and you're actually you and your a human being and you have all these thoughts and feelings
the and come into your heart and you let your heart they were these things
and the fifth stage is you grow you grow in your nourished by having acknowledged these things
one of the other people who came said
oh i remember sense and are we practiced looking good
and i thought i looked pretty good
and somehow nobody ever acknowledged me is looking that good
it was very disappointing
but instead now i'm married and i have kids and it's really wonderful because we're actually all can talk about things and relate and we have all these problems with one another and issues and things are happening end and we get to actually relate with all his stuff
so on one hand you might think that oh well it does practice work and actually practice work practice gave us the strength and presence of mind to be with those things finally whether it was in the form of zen practice or not and other people
yep practices in and actually had to you know unlocked the closet finally anyway

so one problem will be that isn't as we're aware of something
it's not the way we wanted to pay
and another kind of in a basic kind of no mistake we make as the we have the idea that we could have the calm tranquil peace but when we take after we'd finished taking care of all those things
you know when we when we get the dishes done and the house cleaned and the kids to bed or whatever it is to up to when you finish your work then you can relax
so people's idea of like a good time is like you go and lie on the beach and sweat and get serve sandy
well you can see it's not my idea of happiness but
but a lot of people seem to have this idea that you can be really happy when you don't have anything that you have to take care of or relate to that's when you can be happy that's why we say happiness is not having to relate to anything because it's since you have to relate to something it's not quite the way
wanted to be so as soon as you're aware
it's not right it's not good enough is your experience good enough yet can you just have your experience whatever it is without saying good enough for not good enough
and just be with your experience with your thought with your feeling with the sensations

so in know dogan also says than don't set up a nest er den so this desert tendency certainly to
set up a nest or den where i can be where i reside in my body and my being apart from things
and then we say if we can set up the proper kinds of
surroundings you know to exclude certain things so they we don't aren't aware those and and so we can be aware of other things so we can look just the right way from our nestor den and we can spot who's come in and let them in or not but then you know people
or so contrary know the people you'd think you'd like and that like you and then they'll do something that is very distressing to you've let the man and then the next thing you know they're upset about something or they're disappointed with you or it's frustrating
then maybe they don't love you after all
so you can see that to be with things to let your heart go out and inviting things that things returning to bite in your heart is a bother
it's a challenge
it can be very distressing and yet that's also where the satisfaction and fulfillment and intimacy and connection
and the true in a treasure of our life is is in our connection with things whether the things are another person a sound a sight smell and taste attach a sensation and thought feeling to actually connect and made me with something is where we have
real vitality
and you can also see that when that happens you won't be able to control it
you can't tell what will happen
so it might not come out the way it should or the way you like it too

some ways i have more trouble cooking now than ever because you know things just don't come out to and i think i'm experienced i've had all these years of experience so certainly by now thinks to come out the way i want them to
and they still don't
and i'm an expert let alone if you're just beginning at this thing
and meditation is the same
but it doesn't come out the way it should
and i shouldn't be better than this by now i should you know years of experienced
don't you think it would be good for something like controlling things better
and i thought you know after thirty or forty years of zen practice and now i'm in my fifties and it's all just gotten worse
it's amazing
at her
the other day i mean it's it's thing one thing after another the other day i was walking into my house and the bag i was carrying the strap caught on the door handle i've walked in and out of my has hundreds of times and the strap as never before caught on the door handle you'd think i'd be able to walk in my house without this strap catching a the door handle
and you know it throwing me forward and the bag spilling and you know
but no
the universe will perpetually come up with these things
something will surprise you something we'll get to you i don't know does me
you can tell him i must not be very good at my practice or it wouldn't be like this anymore
or is it the truth of buddhism
oh well

have i talked long enough yet
you know
it's ten more minutes

sorry i didn't mean it
a

one of the things i've done more recently as i started studying something called the western people can called integrated awareness
so we do we used to do it workshops a lot of fun things
you know and then we say you know sit down and be present show up in one of the ways you sit down be president show up as we have a posture you can't do the posture of meditation without being present because otherwise they just go back into your usual posture
are threatened to be right in the middle and things and up through the top of your head
and have a top tier head in a rather than having your head stuck in your neck

the neck is the control center in know so if you want to be in control a good place to have your head is your neck so that means eliminating you know from you know
the top of the neck up you just eliminate them from your awareness leave it out so noted jesus and that you have to kind of like gets a top of your head back and like you know habit there
anyway and you know in order to have your hands in the
posture of says and you have to like have some awareness there in your hands otherwise your hands will go
so
i found out for instance that i asked the teacher at integrated awareness they said you know my rescue really stiff
when he said them well why didn't you see what you can notice the next few days so i went home and the next day was meditating that knows they didn't have hands
sit there like this and then after while the hands is disappear there's they just they're not there
so i told my teacher
i don't have hands he said oh your spirits of people you're like that
the spirits of people often don't have hands because you know spiritual people you've made all these mistakes in your past lives you don't want to do him again so you're just going to sit there this life and not make those same mistakes again and just to be on the safest i just don't have hands
because then they won't do the wrong thing and get you in trouble you know you can't make any mistakes if you don't have hands if you're not you know doing stuff in your life if you don't own your hands and have your hands than you can what can you do wrong so it's a way to nice way to decent barriers up is not have your hands
so as it's only you know after all these years i started studying like to have hands
so and this is nice way to have hands you know this posture of zazen hemisphere
and i've and it seems like the you know that if you have your hands like this than your changes your chest
and if you're willing to let your chest change in accord with the way your hands are than your chest lives slightly in your heart opens your heart will tend to notice things and feel things things will come and abide in your heart your heart will return into biden things and your present
if you let your hands be in accord with your chest then pretty soon your hands go somewhere else
integrated awareness these are your ribs there's twelve digits
his correspond to each one of the ribs so if you hold your hands like this your open in your chest
and when i noticed when i let they weren't has come from my hands in this shape of my arms and into my shoulders and into my chest and i feel it coming to my heart

anyway we get to do all this we got to do all these fun things integrate awareness and
in know like we do things like judging
like you know where all the time judging but incense and your we don't judge
we don't have preferences you know no i'm not i'm not judging i'm just unhappy or none
so
a winter judgment on purpose it's fascinating you know because if you're touching somebody is a hands-on healing among other things but if you're touching somebody and their energy is a after a while if you're just receiving the person and and when you touch them one and this is true with yourself to
but if you touch them on a new a great touch consciousness as well as stuff
touching consciousness is letting something come and connect with your heart but your heart connect with the thing and the thing is not just a thing it's also consciousness
somebody a body is not just a body is not just material it's consciousness and consciousness is throughout the body so you can touch consciousness where have you touch them one and people can tell when you're touching because when you touch normally we touch and we say go over there we're not talking about continents were talking about this stuff you know get over there are we say
come over here are we say calm down now are we say straightened up and we don't use to say can i just be with you
and i'll receive you and however you are as fun so if i take somebody like that pretty soon they relax and there's often a kind of heat and then if i say for are you stupid just to myself right away the person phrases
because you can tell you're being judged
so it's very interesting to do when you start to do if you'd do judgment on purpose or then say no i'm not gonna judge i don't judge i'm just going to follow my breath
she started to do something on purpose then you can access the owner you can notice what what happens when you judge people freeze
the room phrases a whole room with you everybody's breakfast in judgment the same time or room phrases
because it's a somebody's watching me and they're judging me and they found something wrong with me and a to help word
it's fascinating you can also do you can tell somebody and then you can let go of your judgment and the energy starts to flow again and then you can why didn't i help you with this
right away freeze
because why don't they help you with this is right away there's something wrong with you you can't do it you need help i'll help you why don't i help you with this i'm really good at this
so then people's energy again phrases everything stops
oh
in one day we did earn
we purposely on purpose we did spatial and temporal displacement this is something many of us are extremely good at especially displays in your temporally displacing like that has to do with not been here
and actually if you practice letting things come abide in your heart but in your heart respond and been things
now you're here
so an alternative is to displays
i'm sorry i got off on enough but i'll try to finish up
so it was really fascinating because we did the spatial displacement and purpose you want to know how to do it it can try it out later if you want but
you feel your left arm and you feel the consciousness in your left arm
and the structure of your left arm and then you'd take whatever consciousness there is in your left arm and put it somewhere anywhere else but your left arm
somewhere else and then near right arm your left leg right leg and torso just put all the conscience of it's somewhere else and i did that and i thought i got this is familiar
i spent most of my life especially displays in
not been here you know like not having consciousness in my body
and then wondering why do i feel so lost disconnected

so this is
hmm oh
this is another two or three talks i'm sorry sir i'm sorry for the sentiment but maybe it's interesting for and similar
and there are some of the things they want to talk about but cent of you might do to have a question answer your it's a similar you might come to that and so then we might talk about a few more things because i had other things i was going to talk about today and didn't and then the things i talked about and wasn't going to talk about and did so you know these things happen
i can't control it
i let my heart go out to my the muse and let them use return in abide in my heart and then i wait and see what happens
and you've been gracious enough to allow it thank you and whatever judgments you've have haven't been strong enough to stop me did in my tracks oh my god i said the wrong things that

so anyway when in doubt as it were let things come uninvited in your heart
let your heart returning biden things
this is a real you know happiness and fulfillment and joy in her life
which is different you know which so it's our willingness to do that to actually be with the things of our life
thoughts feelings sensations people things stuff
and our willingness to let those things be as they are presence and they need to be a certain way the right way my way

so you can you can hear it now and know just with the sound of the rain the sound of the traffic
come to your heart and your heart can feel nourished and be with has experienced your head