Good evening. Let me know if you have trouble hearing. I'm having trouble hearing myself because I can hear the creek really well here. So do you hear me all right? I mean it might be just as well if you don't hear me. I'm feeling especially inadequate tonight to give you a talk. But that's the way it goes. It's on the schedule. It's kind of like the cooks, you know, the time comes for dinner and you better have dinner there. And so here it is. And part of my inadequacy is I think I'm just going to tell you the same old things, you know, so you get them again. I mean, you know, it's hard to keep coming up with like another kind of food you haven't had yet and serve that in a new dish. So back to the same old

[01:02]

stories and various things. The other night I was talking about mindfulness. So I want to again mention mindfulness. Mindfulness is one of the key practices in Buddhism. Many people say it's the most important practice in Buddhism. Mindfulness is to be aware, to be present and aware without judgment, without trying to control the object of your awareness. And this sounds simple, but this is something that we can spend a lifetime actually studying and practicing. Which is which? What is being aware of the object and trying to control it or judging it? You know, wanting it to be different than it is, wanting to improve it, you know. And what is letting the object of your awareness realize itself or be itself

[02:10]

or express itself fully? So in meditation, you know, we say sometimes follow the breath and it's not, you know, especially poetic to say follow the breath. So sometimes we say, you know, please enjoy your breath. And the tendency of awareness is once we're aware of the breath, then we want to make it beautiful, nice and calm, deep, long, slow, strong, just the way it should be. And as soon as you insist that your breath is like that, probably you will have trouble breathing. Some people say, my breath is fine until I become aware of it. And then it seems to stop. So this is a problem, you know, because as soon as we

[03:14]

try to make something more to our liking, you know, it will tend to make it stop. You know, we actually then, and then we will feel stuck. And we don't, and it's hard to notice sometimes how much of our stuckness is our effort to control the object of our awareness. And a lot of our effort to control, you know, a lot of the, what we're controlling is, well, it's interesting, you know, as soon as you're aware of anything, everything is there. So this is the problem with being present. You know, life and death, joy and sorrow, love and hate, everything will be there. There's no way around that. So this is, you know, this is basic koan or dilemma of our life. You want to be present? Well, actually, I'd like to just be

[04:21]

present for the good things, the pleasant things, not the other things. And if you've decided that, you know, then it's difficult to be present at all. It's difficult to, you know, taste how good food is. You know, I, most years that I'm here, I hadn't thought about it, but, you know, a lot of years I've done a cooking workshop. So I tell people this, you know, sonnet of Rilke. And he says, when he talks about food, this is an example of how, you know, for Rilke, it's definitely true. You know, as soon as you taste anything, everything is there. So I'll tell you the sonnet. So you have a feeling for this. Round apple, smooth banana, melon, gooseberry, peach. How all this affluence speaks, death and life

[05:26]

in the mouth. I sense, observe it in a child's transparent features while he tastes. This comes from far away. What miracle is happening in your mouth? Instead of words, discoveries flow out, astonished to be free. Dare to say what apple truly is. This sweetness that feels thick, dark, dense at first, then exquisitely lifted in your taste, goes clarified, awake, luminous, double meaning, sunny, earthy, real. Oh, knowledge, pleasure, joy, inexhaustible. That's a little surprise right at the beginning, isn't it? How all this affluence speaks, death and life in the mouth. You know, we think, oh, that's just about, you know, but as soon

[06:32]

as you're present, you know, death is there, life is there, everything is there. You know, anything you, anytime you're present, then your whole life comes back to you. You know, everything is there, and there's joy and sorrow, you know, pleasure and pain. So, you know, it's a challenge to be present then, and if you're going to be present and mindful, you know, we only do this because we choose to do it, and we choose to do it because it's something we want. Otherwise, there's no reason to do it. There's not some reason to do it like to be a good person. You know, the reason to do it is, I want to be present. I want to experience

[07:32]

the fullness of life, or I want to connect. I want to connect with, you know, myself, what's going on in me. I want to connect with others. I want to connect with the world. I feel disconnected, or I want to be intimate, something you want. Then if you want it, you decide you want it, you know you want it, then you can do it, and everything will be there, and you'll have to meet, you know, everything. So, when you meet your breath, even your breath, if you're not controlling it, and you don't know what it's going to do next, that can be really scary. You know, your breath is out of control. Will it, will it work or not work? How will it go

[08:32]

next? What will it say to you? What will it bring to you? And mostly, we've, you know, we're still deciding, like, I want to check and see what's coming before I'll be here for it. And then you're at a distance from the events of your life, and, you know, from the object of your awareness, even if it's your own breath, you'll be at a distance. Even if it's your own feeling or thought, you'll be at a distance. You won't want to be intimate with yourself. You won't want to be intimate with somebody else, because something that hurts might be there. Something that is distasteful or unpleasant could be there, along with something you like. So, you know, I'm going to tell you a Zen story, and I like this story a lot. When you first hear this story, you know, it doesn't sound real promising. But I'm hoping that, you know, after I talk about it a little bit, you'll realize how, you know, liberating this story is.

[09:43]

So, I think it was, you know, the other night I mentioned Yueshan, or Yaku-san in Japanese. You know, he's the one who was, his teacher asked him, what are you doing? When he was meditating, he said, I'm not doing anything. And the teacher said, then you're just wasting your time. If you're not doing anything, you're wasting your time. And he said, no, if I was doing something, [...] that would be a waste of time. And the teacher said, what is it you're not doing? And he said, even 10,000 sages couldn't say. So, that kind of doing, you know, is something about creating, you know, having some good practice. But anyway, I want to go on tonight about another story about Yaku-san and his disciple. And one day Yaku-san said to his disciple, whatever you say, whatever you do, is of no avail. And

[10:58]

the disciple said, yes, but not to say and not to do, that's also of no avail. Then the teacher said, it's like planting flowers on a rock. And the disciple said, yes, you can't even insert a needle. Now, was I right? That doesn't sound promising. What? It's of no avail, whatever I say, whatever I do? Nothing will help? No. So, I think about this story and we have to think and look at what does it mean if something was to be of some avail. So mostly, I understand this. I think about this in terms of, you know, what would be of some avail where you could just have the pleasant and not the unpleasant? What's going to help you do that? What could you do or say? And now all of your meals come out perfectly,

[12:03]

you know. All of your moods are just the greatest. All of your talks just flow off your tongue and everybody is delighted and enlightened and, you know, whatever. You know, and your girlfriend never leaves you, you know. They always, they say, oh no, you want them to leave. Oh, okay, well. So, what could you do or what could you say? You know, which would, so, you know, everything came out okay. So, you got it right. So, you weren't wrong. So, you got it perfect. So, you became a Buddha. So, everything went your way. So, everything was like you expected. You did what you should do. You were a good person and then everything

[13:06]

happened, you know. Then, you know, nothing went wrong. Personally, I get annoyed, you know, at cops. They fall off the counter and I think, I'm a nice person. Why do you do that to me? You know, I've been practicing Zen for 30 years. Don't fall off the counter on me. Try a little harder to stay there when I nudge you. What's your problem? I've really done everything I could. I've done all this practice. Why are you still, you know, betraying me? And this is not a big betrayal. This is just a cup. You know, where the water splashes on the floor. All the time, things like this happen to me. I don't know about you. And, you see, you can see how intent I am on becoming perfect and, you know, getting it right. And yet, you know, none of this has been of any avail. You know, these things still fall and then when they fall, they go and break. Why don't they just bounce? And water is still

[14:12]

wet. You know, and stuff still makes a mess. So, whatever I do, I don't know, it doesn't seem to help. You know, there's good days and bad days. And, you know, there's various, I have various moods and feelings and thoughts and sensations and, you know, nothing stops. It all just keeps going and happening. And, you know, I can't get a, you know, speaking of, you know, you can't even insert a needle. I can't get any handle on it. Not even a needle in there, let alone like a handle. Can you get a handle on it? You know, and then you think, well, I can't get a handle on it. Something's wrong with me. I must not be practicing right. I must not be doing the right kind of spiritual practice. I must not be, you know,

[15:12]

following my breath. I must not be concentrating. I must not have enough wisdom because if I had enough wisdom and enlightenment and concentration and all this stuff, it would be of some avail. Everything would go my way at last. I'm sorry, but it's of no avail. Okay? And then the student says, yes, but not to say and not to do, that's also of no avail. Isn't that good to, you know, remember that, okay? Because then you don't, it's not like you want to say, well, because it's of no avail, I think I'll just stop talking and stop doing. That wouldn't help, would it? No, that doesn't help either. So you may as well do and say and get on with your life. And then some things go well and some things don't and some things work and other things don't. And remember your wish, you know, to be present or to connect or to be intimate, to be awake, you know, to be there for others, to be there for yourself,

[16:15]

you know, to, to receive your life, to let your life reveal itself to you, to, you know, to let yourself reveal yourself to others. It's one of the amazing things of life at a place like Tassajara that, you know, we do have this chance to, we're all the time revealing ourselves to others. And it's really quite wonderful because, and this is part of the difference between, you know, more Indian style Buddhism and more Chinese style Buddhism. In India there's a little more of the feeling like if you want to have some understanding, you isolate yourself from everybody, you go to a nice quiet place and you contemplate and then you get it all straightened out and you, you, you, you stop having relationships and, you know, all that stuff, you see. And then you, you can have some cessation or something. The problem is, of course, when you get back to all those people, you still have to figure

[17:20]

out how to relate with them. And all those nice attainments, you know, often aren't very useful. Speaking of whether something is of avail or not. The Chinese had this other idea and it's, you know, it's cultural because their idea of culture is more like in the inter, you know, in the relationships. So realization and enlightenment and awakening is in interrelating. You know, that you, that you, you know, express yourself to others, that you, you know, are interfacing with others all the time. You come forward in your life and other people see you, you know, you reveal yourself to others rather than like you keep yourself to yourself because I can't reveal myself because it's not good enough yet and I think I better get good enough before I show any of it to others. If you think about it, this is a big problem.

[18:22]

I don't know about you, but I tried this practice for a lot of years, so I didn't say much for a long time. Because I wanted to be sure what I said was really profound and deep and wise and brilliant, you know, so that everybody would be impressed and it would just kind of end the conversation right there. We won't have to talk about this anymore because now we've received the final word. This makes it very hard to open your mouth. And if you haven't practiced opening your mouth, how can you all of a sudden be able to do that? So I finally decided I better, you know, practice opening my mouth and saying things like, good morning, and how are you? I'm fine, thank you. Because otherwise, you know, all this what I have inside, how can I share it? So actually, you know, we have to, you know,

[19:31]

you can't perfect it first and then share it later. So here at Tassara we're all the time revealing ourselves to others, you know, just the way we walk around, just the way we work, just the way we talk. Just being present with a bunch of people, you're revealing yourself. And if you're not revealing yourself, you know you're revealing that you're not revealing yourself. That's what you're revealing, the way that you don't reveal yourself. That's very revealing. That's as revealing as opening your mouth and talking, you know, or doing various things. It's just as revealing. So we see each other, we meet each other all the time, and we actually know each other, you know, quite well, you know, at a kind of unconscious level, you know, non-conscious level. We know each other and we're interacting with a whole ocean of, you know, people and things that are going on in everyone's life.

[20:32]

You know, judgments about good and bad and right and wrong and, you know, effort and energy and calmness and, you know, all kinds of stuff is happening. And all of that's present in us. You know, it's all here. Again, you know, we can't, actually we can't avoid it. We can't avoid being present with everything. And then in the meantime we go like, well wait a minute, how do I, how can I arrange this so that it's a nice experience for me? What could I do so it would just be a nice experience for me? I'm in this ocean, so is there some practice for me? No, it's just that, it's just being in this ocean and then finding out how to, you know, float in it or be at home in this ocean rather than, and letting it all in, you know, letting, expressing yourself, receiving from others. You know,

[21:36]

there's some flow and exchange of energy. There's a little poem by Rumi I came across recently. He says, who makes all these changes? Who makes all these changes? I shoot an arrow to the right, it lands to the left. I ride after a deer, I get chased by a hog. I scheme to get my way, end up in prison. I make traps for other people to fall into. I make traps for other people and fall into them myself. I should be suspicious of what I want. So this is to think that there's something of some avail, you know. And then he says, you know, your life, life is like planting flowers on a rock. Did you think it, I mean, what did you think? There'd be some lasting attainment, you know, something finally to show for it,

[22:41]

this big monument. I mean, what would there be? But somehow we get into all these ideas you know, like we're going to, like we're going to do something, you know, that will mean something that will last forever, you know, that will, you know, be a testament to us or, you know, it's about our fame and, you know, whatever. I don't know, but we get, we get hooked into these things and we don't go like, yeah, it's like planting flowers on a rock. It's very, you know, short-lived. Whatever we do, it's very short-lived and it's a flower nonetheless. He doesn't say it's like leaving garbage on the rock. I mean, some of us are doing that, but we're calling them flowers anyway, for the sake of the story. It's like planting flowers on a rock. You know, our life is like that, whether we speak or don't speak or, you know,

[23:50]

we're trying to get somewhere, we're trying to improve our life, we're trying to be more spiritual or more awake or, you know, but finally it's just, it's flowers on a rock. It's very short-lived, whatever we do, whatever we say. And then there's, and there's another moment. And there is no way to get a handle on it, not even to get a needle in there, no way to get a handle on it where, yeah, I'll get the, I'll be concentrated and clear and awake all the time. Everybody will respect me and, and then I could finally like myself. Then I could, you know, I could actually trust myself if I was, once I was perfect, I had a good handle on things, you know. So we're also studying, you know, how to love somebody who's less than perfect, how to accept somebody or, you know, have compassion, you know, meditation,

[24:54]

to be present, receiving your experience, listening, you know, we say, you know, this is compassion, to be present and listen, to receive your experience with your heart, to let your experience come home to your heart. That's compassion. And you reveal yourself to yourself. And the other thing about mindfulness I want to emphasize tonight, mindfulness, you know, it's just as useful, it's even more useful to be mindful of the things we're doing that we don't like, rather than to be mindful of how concentrated I am, it's also like to be mindful of how distracted I am, mindful of how confused I am, you know, mindful of how, you know, of how judgmental I can be, how I make judgments, what happens when I make

[26:01]

judgments. And mostly we sort of are going along being mindful and then we abandon that when all these other things start to happen and then we want to get back to being mindful of the good things. So then we don't notice, you know, how it is that we do the distractions and the resistance and how we create problems for ourselves. And mindfulness, you know, yesterday, yesterday I had a little class here and we were practicing, you know, being mindful with our hands and having our, we were in partners and we had our hands on someone else's shoulders and then we switched. So for just for about 4 or 5 minutes and letting your hands be present and not, this is very unusual, you know, to touch someone

[27:06]

with your hands where you're not telling them what to do. Usually as soon as we touch someone we're saying, you should know I like you. Now what does that mean? Or, you know, we're touching someone, calm down, straighten up, you know, move over there. So it's very unusual to touch and just receive. And this is the difference of doing and not doing. If you're busy in meditation doing, then how can you receive your experience? So we were practicing having awareness in our hands and then, you know, awareness in the shoulders without judging. If someone's shoulders are tight and tense, you don't have to think, oh, their shoulders are tight and tense, what's wrong with them anyway? They're so uptight. Boo! And then you, and you think that will help the person relax? Boy, I mean, if you're getting touched and

[28:10]

somebody's thinking that, you know it right away if they're judging you. You can feel the, you know, you can feel it. You don't even have to be touching them. We're all the time feeling people's judgments. Uh-oh. What did I do now? You know? But we're, so we were studying this and then afterwards we talked about it a little bit and some people and one person said, you know, that was such a gift to be touched like that. This is what, you know, this is the power of mindfulness and we don't always notice it, but it's such a gift. It's a gift if you give it to yourself. It's a gift if you give it to somebody else to be aware without judging, to be aware without trying to change the object of your awareness, without trying to improve it. And if you're just there in person and receiving it, after a while somebody's shoulders, you know, because you just receive it and you don't judge it,

[29:15]

then the person goes like, whoa, I could relax. I don't have to be uptight about somebody judging me anymore. That's part of the reason to be uptight. You're going to get judged, so I better like, I better be on guard about that. And so it's a gift and we also call that, you know, and then some people were noticing like if your hands are in someone's shoulders like that, their shoulders get really warm. And then the person who's sitting there says, no, your hands got really warm. So that's, that's, you know, because we say, you know, consciousness is inherently warm hearted. Just consciousness without judging and there's this warmth and it's not, it doesn't, it's not like someone's doing that. It's, it's that connection, mindful connection. And if you receive your own breath that way,

[30:15]

you know, your body can soften, will soften and become warm. If you put your, you know, if you put your awareness in your shoulder or, you know, in your neck, anywhere in your body and it can become, you know, warm and soft. You know, Mary Oliver has that poem and she says, you don't have to, you don't have to be good. You don't have to walk on your knees a hundred miles across the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. And it loves, you know, to be received this way with, you know, some mindfulness with presence and, you know, not judging, not trying to fix or improve. And this is also, you know, when you have that kind of experience, you know,

[31:23]

we sometimes say a gift, it's also like sacred. We actually know what sacred is. And we actually know what sacred is to connect with something that way, where you receive it. You receive something, let it speak to you. Light and death in the mouth. Sunny, earthy, real, double meaning. Can we have just a little aside for a minute? Do you mind a little

[32:24]

aside? I brought in the rules for heaven gate. You know, if you want to know what a cult is. Do you remember heaven's gate? You know, the starship people? Huh? The cult where they all, they committed suicide so they could get on the starship that was behind the comet that was coming to, you know, by earth. The rules of heaven gate cult. They have three major offenses. Deceit. I'm going to need my glasses for this. Deceit, sensuality and breaking any instruction or procedure knowingly. So deceit includes doing an act on the sly, lying to my teachers or any of my classmates, keeping an offense to myself, not exposing it the same day. So that sounds like, you know, that sounds kind of like Buddhism. Sensuality, permitting arousal in any thought or action. That's pretty severe. Nip it in

[33:40]

the bud, they say. Watch out for that arousal. Part of the problem with arousal, you know, is that we tend to reject it. We don't want it around and we try to figure out how to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Like maybe if I act on it, I'll be able to get rid of it. We actually find arousal unpleasant to have around. This is interesting. But they have some lesser offenses here, which I think are actually kind of terrific. Taking any action without using my check partner. That's good, you know, like before you do anything you have to check it with somebody else. Is it okay if I do this? Whoa. You're not going to be very free with this group, are you? Then this is that I think the most

[34:45]

terrific one. Number two here is trusting my own judgment or using my own mind. This is a no-no. It's only one of the lesser no-no's. Trusting my own judgment or using my own mind. Boy, I think that would be difficult to obey that one. And there were people, you know, who couldn't do this group well enough and, you know, they still regretted it after all those people died and were headed for the starship, you know. There was a guy up in Marin County who said, I was just so sad and unhappy that I couldn't live up to all the rules. Twisting procedures for my own benefit. Anyway, it goes on. I like the one trusting my own judgment or using my own mind. Anyway, I'm trying to tell you exactly the opposite. That's why I bring this up. But, you know, it's hard to know, like, your own judgment and your own mind and then which would be that and which wouldn't. Well, anyway. You

[35:52]

can see why I said this was an aside. Didn't it break the flow of the talk? All right. Well. How much time do I have? I'll just, I just, I want to bring up briefly anyway another Zen story, which for me is somewhat in this vein of what I've been talking about tonight. This is a story about, you know, Zhao Zhou, the Zen teacher Zhao Zhou, who asked his teacher Nanchuan, what is the way? What is the Tao? And, you know, Nanchuan's answer is very famous, you know, Zen statement. Everyday mind is the Tao. Everyday mind is the way.

[36:58]

Or ordinary mind is the way. Zhao Zhou wanted to know right away, well, how can I attain it? You know, what effort can I make to get it? And, of course, Nanchuan said, as soon as you try to attain it, you lose it. Or as soon as you try to, you know, you make effort to attain it, you betray your practice. You betray yourself. And then he said, well, if I'm not making effort to attain it, then what should I do? You know, how can I, if I'm not making effort to attain it, how can I know it? And Nanchuan said, you know, this knowing

[38:06]

or not knowing is beside the point. Knowing is a delusion, not knowing is blankness. When you realize the Tao, it's vast and boundless, like empty space. This has nothing to do with knowing or not knowing, you know, with effort or lack of effort. So, I want to say just a little bit about everyday mind, you know, and I want to remind you that, you know, this again, this is not about, you know, if I do things right or if I do things, you know, if I follow the rules, everything will come out okay. If I do what I should, you know, everything, my life will improve. If you, you know, when we're trying to be good, we

[39:10]

actually get rather stiff. I did this at Green Gulch, you know, for the Sunday talk last week, a week ago. It was kids day at Green Gulch, so, you know, the first 10 or 15 minutes of the talk, you talk to the kids and then you, and then they leave and then you finish the talk to the adults. So, I had the kids, I said, now, do you want stories or games? So, they went for the games. They're such good sports. They didn't even say, now, what's the game about or, you know, what's the stories about, you know, just like, they just went for it, you know. So, I said, well, okay, now, first of all, see if you can be good, you know, like you take good posture and, you know, organize yourself so you have really good posture and then after they had their really good posture,

[40:11]

I asked them to stand up and look around a little bit. So, they stood up and they were standing there and they're going like, and they're kind of like looking around, is anybody, you know, checking like, they were kind of stiff and then they were looking around like, is anybody noticing whether or not I'm good? I think I'm good. Anyway, if you're busy being good, you're not going to, you will be kind of stiff. You can also do that, of course, in Zen posture, you know, being good. You can try to do it good, you know, be good at it, be good. So, then, and there was this one little boy and he was having a hard time being good and he wanted to interact with the little boy next to him who was trying to be good. He was being bad and so, I explained to him, you know, could

[41:14]

you just, you know, like you're going to have your chance to be bad in just a minute. Now, just, you know, play the game, okay? Just see if you can be good now. This is just a game, all right? It's just a game. Don't worry, you won't get stuck with being good. So, he managed to, you know, calm down for a minute and then, so then I had them be bad and it turns out, you know, being bad is a lot of fun. I mean, I had them like, now take a bad posture, you know, some way and then after they got their bad postures, I had them stand up and right away, the four little boys there in front started roughhousing with one another. They were having a great time. They knew right away how to be bad and they were obviously having a lot more fun than when they were being good. You know, being bad is fun. So, then I had them sit down again and I suggested, now what about just being you? You know, you're

[42:20]

not trying to be good, you're not trying to be bad. You know, what would it be like to just be you? How would it feel to just be you? You're not especially good or bad and then they stood up and instead of, you know, being real stiff and kind of like worried like is anybody going to spot them being anything but good, they were standing up, you know, not so straight and stiff and then they were all kind of moving and they were kind of just like, instead of just their eyes shifting around, they were kind of like looking around and then their hands were kind of, just kind of moving and they were just kind of like there and it was so beautiful, you know, to see them just being themselves and they got it right away. Now, I don't know if they'll remember that or it would be of any use, you know, of any avail, but it was sure fun while it lasted, you know, but this is like everyday

[43:27]

mind. It's not about being good and it's not about being bad. It's about being you. What's it like just to be you? And are you willing to just be you? You know, can you, you know, I'll go ahead and be me and, you know, and sometimes people will like it and sometimes they won't and sometimes you will like it and sometimes you won't. There's no other, it's not possible to be yourself and just like it. You know, you reveal yourself to yourself, you will be, you know, becoming a whole person. So you all have joys and sorrows and griefs and, you know, happiness and despair, you know, and all of that gets, you know, you know, blended in. The meaning of ease in Buddhism, the meaning of ease, sukha, you know, we often

[44:32]

talk in Buddhism about dukkha, which is, you know, suffering or unpleasant, unsatisfactory. Sukha, you know, is actually one of the elements of concentration. You need to have this, you know, it's part of having to be concentrated, to be whole and ease is the quality that blends everything together, like soap, you know, where before the dirt, you know, is separate and now the dirt is part of this whole lather. But it's said that ease is what, you know, brings the disparate parts together and blends things so that you feel whole, so that you feel one. Are you letting these parts into your life or are you keeping, you know, various things separate, often little places tucked away? No, I'm not going to notice, you know,

[45:39]

whether it's tired or awake or, you know, I'm not going to notice my judgments, I'm not going to notice my despair, I won't, you know, acknowledge my unhappiness. I'll try to hide things from myself and I'm going to hide things from others so they don't see me because I can't accept the way I am. I don't want anybody else to see it either. And this is not the same as, you know, that you have to act out, you know, your rage out there in the world, but, you know, because there's a difference between acknowledging your anger or rage and acting it out on people and injuring yourself and others, etc. But it is possible to own these things, to own your, you know, your body and mind, and not keep everything separate and disparate and disconnected, and ease is what brings them together. So ease is also your willingness to let things come together, to let things

[46:42]

be one, and to connect the parts of your life that have been disparate and, you know, unoccupied or unowned, you know, that you've tried to isolate, that you've tried not to acknowledge because it's, you know, too painful or difficult. And the other positive, you know, factor at work is called joy, enjoyment. So enjoyment is, you know, that you let your awareness resonate with the object of your awareness. So that's, you can see how closely that's associated with the mindfulness. Letting your hands resonate with the shoulders. Letting your awareness resonate with your breath. Letting your awareness blend with your breath so that it's one. Flowers on a rock, huh? It's kind of sweet, you know, that it's not of any avail, and

[48:18]

you know, it's actually some sense, it's to remind you not to get caught, you know, in thinking there's some way to behave that it will all come out the way you want it to. And what's wrong with me for not getting it all to come out that way? Usually we make ourself wrong when it doesn't come out the way we want it to. So this is a simple reminder. Whatever you say, whatever you do, it's of no avail. You can let go of it. You can say and do. You know, and sometimes it works better than others. But if you'll have a long wait, if you know, if you feel like I can't, I can't own my life or occupy my life or be in my life or express my life until I get it a lot more perfected than it is now. This is a problem. So, you know, the other night I called this, you know, leaping off the pole, you know,

[49:25]

so there's a risk here, you know, we take a risk. And hopefully here at Tassajara, you know, our friends will tell us when it's been, you know, will be kind with us when we, you know, when our risk doesn't, you know, come across very well to others. Anyway, I'm up here tonight risking, you know, to talk. And you're risking, you know, listening. Anyway the last thing I just want to remind you, please acknowledge your inmost wish. What is it you really want? The more you can acknowledge it, the more it has power to work in your life. If you want connection, you know, you can acknowledge that or intimacy

[50:30]

or love or happiness, you know, vitality, joy, well-being. You know, there are many ways to say, I want to be at home in this world. I want to feel at home in my body and mind. I want to be at home in this ocean. You know, there are many ways to describe it and, you know, you have, each of us has, we have our own language to say what it is you really want. And then, you know, we can practice it. If meditation, you know, Suzuki Roshi used to say, if meditation is not about, you know, your wish, what you really want, go do something that is. You know, that's the point of this

[51:37]

practice. And if you can, you know, practice what you really want doing this practice, then, you know, that's what it's here for. And so, you know, it is possible and we can all do it. Thank you very much. The dining room? You know, outside here it's quiet in the courtyard after 8.30. And some of us will stay here and put the dining room back together. Thank you again.

[52:19]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ