It's my great pleasure and privilege to introduce our guest tonight, Shohako Okamura-sensei. He first came to this country in 1975 to lead the Pioneer Valley Zendo in Charlotte, Massachusetts. and was here until 1981, and then returned to Japan, where he has worked on seven books so far he's published, most of them translations either of Dogenzanji's work or of Uchiyama Kosho Rishiyama Kosho Roshi's writing or commentaries on Dogen Zenji, Opening the Hand of Thought, Shikantaza, Dogen Zen, The Teachings of Homeless Kodo, Ganodowa, The Pure Rules for the Zen Community, and I've left one out.

[01:09]

Oh, . And he continues to work on translating teaching for us, and also commentary. Now, just recently, the last three years, he has been the head teacher at the Minnesota Zen Meditation Center following the death of Kakigiri Roshi, and is in the process of starting a new practice center called San Shinji, the three minds that are spoken of in Tenzo Kyokun. That's a little bit, it's all set to go in Iowa City, but he has now been invited by the headquarters of Soto Zen in Japan to do a five year term as liaison between the Japanese Soto School and American Zen.

[02:25]

communities. So he will be based in Los Angeles. And so exactly how San Shinji shapes up, I don't know. But I certainly hope it shapes up, because I'd like to send some of my students there to study. I hope so. Tonight is both an opportunity for us to hear him and also, as you may have noticed, a fundraiser to help him get San Shinji off the ground. So if you can make a donation, please do. Good evening, everyone.

[03:58]

I'm very happy and honored to be here tonight and have a chance to practice together with all of you and share Dogen Zen's teaching. My friend, Brunch-san. OK. OK. Film. Okay. From Valencia, she invited me to visit San Francisco and give a talk. If my memory is correct, she said it's nice to talk about dog and pure standards for the Zen community. This is a translation of Dogen Zenji's Eihei Shingi.

[05:07]

Shingi means pure standard. That is a regulation in Zen monastery, especially his Dogen's own monastery, Eiheiji. And this book was published from State University of New York Press. And I worked to translate on this book with Taigen Dan Layton, who is a member of the Sangha. But, you know, there are so many things to talk. You know, it's not possible to talk on the whole of Ehe Shingi. in one day, one lecture. So I'd like to talk on only one thing from Eihei Shingi, that is joyful mind.

[06:15]

Joyful Mind is one of three minds, as Buranchi-san mentioned, the name of our community. After I finished the position of head teacher at Minnesota Zen Meditation Center, Taiken-san, Taiken Yokoyama and myself formed a community of practitioners and we name it Sanshin Zen Community. Sanshin is a Japanese expression for three minds. San is three and shin means mind or heart. We use the Japanese expression because, you know, both three minds or three hearts, you know, doesn't work somehow. It's okay as a singular, you know, like a joyful mind or parental mind or nurturing mind.

[07:22]

and magnanimous mind or heart. It works as English, but when we make it plural, like three minds, it's something strange. So we keep it in Japanese, sanshin. So Dogen Zenji taught this San Shin, or three minds, joyful mind, parental mind, and magnanimous mind in his Tendo Kyokun, that is the first section of Ehe Shingi. And my teacher, Uchiyama Kosho Roshi's commentary on Tenzo-kyokun was published in English, in English translation. So the title of the book is Refining Your Life. So I think some of you have already read the book.

[08:26]

And the book is actually, the whole book of Refining Life is refining your life is actually about those three minds. So I think some of you have already some idea or understanding about those three minds. So probably it's not necessary to talk, to give another talk about those three minds. If you read that book, you can understand what it means. But when Uchiyama Roshi retired, from Antaji. That was 1975. He gave us the last lecture. And he talked about the important point we have to keep in our mind to continue to practice, so that those seven points still are fundamental guidance for my practice.

[09:52]

And one of those five points is about sanshin or three minds. He says, the Zen must work concretely in our daily lives as the two practices, vow and repentance. and the three minds, magnanimous mind, parental mind, and joyful mind. And as the realization of the saying, gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment. So when he retired in 1975, I was 26 years old. Right before he retired, I received animal transmission from him.

[10:54]

And I practiced with him at Antalya for about four years after I graduated from Komadza University. So actually, I didn't practice together with him so long. And in the same year, I came to United States in Massachusetts and started to practice at Pioneer Valley Zendo with two Dharma brothers. So after that, I have been practicing with my teacher. I mean, without my teacher, actually, physically. But I think, you know, as far as I'm practicing, following his guidance he gave us at his last teaching, I feel, you know, I have been always with him.

[12:05]

So there's this point, our zazen. Zazen is really center of our practice, especially at Antaichi. We did nothing besides zazen, almost. I mean, we had no chanting, no morning service, and during Sesshin we have no lecture, no work period. We don't have meal chant. but we just sit. One period was 50 minutes, and we had 10 minutes kihin, and we continued sitting 14 periods a day. So we sat from four in the morning till six, and we had breakfast, and we sat from seven to twelve, five period, and we had lunch and short rest, and we sat again from one to six, and we had supper and sit again from seven to nine.

[13:22]

Very simple schedule. You know, we don't need to memorize. Just sit, really just sit. And my teacher Uchamurashi gave lectures twice a month. Often we had one day, not a session, but a zazenkai. So Zazen is really not one or part of our practice, but Zazen is a whole of our practice at Antaiji, and I wanted, or we wanted to continue it in this country. So at Valley Zendo in Massachusetts, we had the same session, five-day session. I think they still have. and we have no ceremonies.

[14:24]

At MZMC, Minnesota Zen Meditation Center, I tried to follow Katagiroshi's style, so I didn't have five-day session without lecture. And we had morning service, lectures, and work period. I think same style of session you have here. And it's nice for me to practice in that way. Before that, you know, I practiced in my teacher's style for twenty years. We had at least ten sessions a year for twenty years. That makes, you know, two hundred sessions. Still, you know, I feel a beginner. because there's no way to measure how far I come from the beginning, and there's no way to measure how I become better.

[15:41]

So I'm always a beginner. Each period of the Zen is really the first Zen. But after I went to Minneapolis, I found that kind of session with the lecture is also very helpful for me because I have to talk. It's really hard for the teacher because in order to give a lecture, we have to think. And, you know, I try not to think in zazen, because thinking is not zazen. But somehow, you know, because I didn't have enough time to prepare the lecture before zazen, so somehow, you know, I have to prepare a lecture during zazen.

[16:47]

I had time to prepare a lecture when they have a work period, maybe one and a half hours, and that's not enough. So easily I started to think what I should talk about. And I tried not to. I tried to give, you know, open up my hand. Still, you know, it come up. So it was really difficult for me to sit. But it was also very helpful because I had to think what to say, what to talk, you know. My understanding became really very clear. When we study, for example, Dogen Zen's teachings or writings in Japanese, since Japanese is my own language, and also Japanese language is not so logical,

[17:56]

So somehow I feel I understand without thinking or understanding in very clear logical way. Somehow with our mind, with our feeling or emotion, we feel, you know, I get it. I really understand it and I feel I follow his way of practice. And yet, when I try to explain, you know, it's really difficult, especially in English because it's not my own language. And in English, you know, sentence should be really clear and logical. So it was really, you know, helpful for me to have that kind of session. But also I miss the session without giving lecture. It's really nice.

[18:58]

I don't need to think anything. I don't need to worry about anything. Just sit for five days. It's really nice and deep. Anyway, sesshin, our zazen is really the center or basis of our practice. Our practice means our life. So zazen, sitting meditation or practice in the zendo, is not separate from or should not be separate from our day-to-day lives. But our daily lives, our daily activities should be part of our zazen. So it doesn't have to function in our daily lives. Otherwise, our life becomes separated or divided into two parts, sitting in the meditation hall and the activities in our daily lives, at home or at work.

[20:12]

That is not the way we practice. I mean, that is a point of Dogen Zenji's teaching in Eihei Shingi. All activities we do in our daily lives should be practice, practice of Buddha way. So it should be same with our zazen practice, or in a sense, it's a part of our zazen practice. You know, zazen practice, sitting meditation, and day-to-day activities, and studying, that's teaching. I think those three are the three pillars of our practice. to study and understand Buddha's teaching and to practice and put our understanding of Buddha's teaching and meditation into work in our daily lives.

[21:19]

And Ehe Shingi is a guideline how we can put our zazen practice into work in our daily lives. And Uchiyama Roshi mentioned The way our zazen works in our daily lives are two practices, that is vow and repentance. Our practice of zazen itself is a practice of vow, taking vow, bodhisattva vows. You know, I think you know those four vows, four bodhisattva vows. Sentient beings are numberless. We vow to serve them. And desires are... In those, I vow to put an end to them. And dharmas are boundless.

[22:23]

I vow to master them. And Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to attain it. That is the bodhisattva vows. That means all bodhisattva have to live by with this vow. And everything we do, all activity we do, should be the practice of this vow, these vows, four vows. And a problem or important or interesting point about this vow is it's not possible to fulfill it because sentient beings are numberless. How can we save them all? There's no time, no road to save them all. And desires are, you know, inexhaustible. How we can exhaust it? There's no more time we can complete or accomplish our vows.

[23:29]

That means our vows is really infinite, endless. And since we practice based on those vows, our practice is really endless. And we really see the incompleteness of our practice each moment And that is the source of repentance. Since we see our incompleteness, we have to say that my practice is not perfect. That makes our vow new, fresh, and more vigorous. So, repentance in Buddhism or bodhisattva practice is not simply to say, you know, I'm sorry because of some mistake I did.

[24:39]

Of course, that is a part of repentance. When we make mistakes, we have to repent. But that is not deep meaning of repentance. Repentance is actually our zazen. Our zazen is repentance. That means when we sit in this posture and let go of thought, Still, you know, we are often or almost always being caught up in our thinking or we fell into sleep. You know, we actually continue, you know, thinking and let go of thinking and sleep and awake, you know. This practice of zazen itself is the practice of vow and repentance. That is one of the ways our zazen works in our daily lives, not only in the sitting, but when we try to do something.

[25:57]

to take care of day-to-day things, even small things, it's really difficult to do it completely. And our vow makes us to try to do things mindfully and completely. And yet, when we are mindful, we see we cannot do it. We cannot be complete. So we have repentance, and we try to do better next time. That is practice of vow and repentance. That is the way our practice of Zazen works in our daily lives. And also our Zazen works as three minds, magnanimous mind, parental mind, and joyful mind.

[27:02]

Today I'm going to talk on joyful mind, but I think better to briefly talk on magnanimous mind and parental mind. Magnanimous mind, about magnanimous mind, Dogen said, this mind, or magnanimous or big, big mind. Okay. OK. said, mind, or a big mind, is a mind of big mountain and great ocean. That means big mountain doesn't move. It's really immovable. And yet on the mountains there are many trees and grasses and many living beings living there.

[28:10]

And so, you know, our mind should not be, you know, shaky. So we should be really immovable. We should settle down where we should be really, you know, settle down. That is reality of our life. Or that is this moment. And ocean is, ocean accept everything. You know, whichever water from whichever river, ocean just accept. So Wuxiang is often used as an analogy of Buddhist Sangha. You know, members of the Sangha came from different paths, different backgrounds, and each one of us had different tendencies, characteristics, and habits.

[29:19]

and religious and cultural background, still once people get into this Sangha, this Sangha is just one Sangha. There's no separation or discrimination. That is a basic idea about Buddhist Sangha since Buddha's time. So in order to accept all people we must be really flexible. So mountain is immovable and yet we should be immovable like mountain and yet we must be flexible like ocean. Flexible and tolerant like ocean. That is magnanimous mind, and parental mind is, of course, the mind of parent when they raise children.

[30:27]

When we raise children, we don't think we take care of children in order to gain some benefit or reward, but we just take care of them It's not a business or a trade, but we just take care of them because we love them. That's all. And we don't have a desire to gain something from raising children. So the parental mind means the mind which takes care of things instead of being taken care of. Children are happy, kids are happy when they are taken care of.

[31:31]

But parents are happy, parents find happiness in taking care of kids. In the Sangha, this attitude is really important. We try to take care of things instead of being taken care of. That's the difference between childish mind and parental mind. So what Bogenzen said in the Heshingi is, we should see the three treasures, Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, as if we take care of our children. both magnanimous mind and parental mind.

[32:34]

And today I'd like to talk on joyful mind. That is the third one. And joyful mind, of course it's nice to have, but it's not an easy thing to have or to maintain joyful mind. You know, when we have a good time, we have joy. When things are going well with us, you know, we have joy. And when, you know, we have joy, we don't need joyful mind. Because we are joyful. We don't need joyful mind. But from, you know, in the situation in which it's really difficult to find joy, you know, we need joyful mind.

[33:44]

So joyful mind is not such a simple thing. I think joyful mind is same as, you know, trust. From, you know, we have, you know, reasons to trust some person, We don't need trust, actually, because it works. But we need trust when we don't have enough reason to trust a person. That is when we need trust. And I think belief or faith is the same. In the condition where we can have faith or belief, there's no reason we have to question or doubt. We don't need belief or trust. But in the situation where we cannot find any good reason to believe someone or some teaching or trust someone, we really need belief or faith or trust.

[34:49]

And joyful mind is the same thing. When we have a good time and things are going well with us, we don't need to have a joyful mind, because it's joyful already, actually. But when we live in the Sangha, it's not possible to have such a good time always. We have so many problems. and difficulties and conflict between people because we are living so closely. Even though we practice Zazen and study Buddha's teaching, we are really brothers and sisters.

[35:51]

All of us are Buddha's children, so we are one family. And still we are not holy people. We are just ordinary people, ordinary actual people. And so there are many, how can I say, weak points and habits. So it's really natural to have many, you know, a lot of difficulties, conflict, or even fighting. Especially, you know, people have a lot of energy. So if we are not careful, it's really difficult to live together and practice together. That's why we need a bodhisattva vow.

[36:58]

We try to help others, to save other people. That is our basic vow. And still, we have problems. You know, according to Dogen Zenji, the definition of body-mind or aspiration to practice is the mind to serve all beings. That is, you know, having a body-mind is to be bodhisattva. And the body-mind is a mind to save all beings before we are saved, before we cross over to the other shore. And in the chapter of Allowing Body-Mind, Dogen Zenji said, The person, the beginners, who, you know, newly allows body-mind and try to have vow for saving all living beings and the body-mind of Buddha's.

[38:13]

or Buddha's enlightenment. Bold Mind or Bold Chitta is an abbreviation for Anuttara Samyaksambodhi Chitta. That is Buddha's supreme awakening. And our body-mind is not so great, you know. As Logan said, you know, Buddha's body-mind, anuttarasamyaksambodhicitta, is like a moon, light of moon. And our body-mind is like a light of firefly. So small and so weak. But, you know, those two are the same. That's what Dogen Zen is saying. Those two are the same. Our body-mind and Buddha's anuttarasannaksan body-mind is the same body-mind. And Dogen says, it's much more difficult for beginners

[39:15]

than the Buddhas or our great bodhisattvas to practice with this vow of saving all living beings. Because we want to be saved. We want to be taken care of. We are not so great. We have a lot of problems, difficulties and weakness. Still, instead of having this weakness, we allow the broadening mind. This is much more difficult. Because it's difficult, it's much more precious. That is what Dogen Zen said. So the broadening mind of beginners are really precious. We have to really appreciate it. Some of us practicing 20 years, 30 years, 40 years or 50 years, still we are beginners.

[40:22]

If we compare with the Buddhas, the Buddhas have been practicing life after life. So we are beginners. It's really important to see, to really understand we are beginners. So we are weakness. We are not so strong. We are not so enlightened. And yet we share body-mind. And that's why, that's the reason we get together and practice together. So even though we try to contribute just part of our practice or our heart, still we have problems, difficulties. and our, you know, capability is limited. So our practice is not an easy thing, especially to keep practicing for a long time.

[41:36]

We have so many problems with other people, but also within ourselves. You know, sometimes we have so many good reasons to leave or to quit practice. And sometimes we couldn't find any good, any reason to be here and keep practice. Honestly speaking, I have such experience. But, you know, exactly, precisely in that situation, we need joyful mind, or parental mind, and magnanimous mind. Otherwise we cannot continue to practice. When this joyful mind in our practice, that is what I'd like to talk tonight, You know, Dogen Zenji expresses his Zazen as dropping of body and mind.

[42:46]

That is our practice of Zazen. And this expression, dropping of body and mind, is originally Dogen's teacher, Nyojo Zenji's expression. And so Nyojo Zenji told Dogen Zenji that zazen is dropping of body and mind. Then Dogen Zenji asked, fat is dropping of body and mind. Then Nyojo Zenji said, dropping of body and mind is zazen. And he, Togen, I think a little later, asked again, you know, about dropping of body and mind, or shin-jin, that's raku. And Nyojo Zenji said, dropping of body and mind is being free from five desires.

[43:50]

Five desires means we have five sense organs, eye, nose, mouth, ear, and body. And when each sense organ encounters some object, something happened inside of ourselves. If that object is something desirable, something we like, we try to get it. That is desire. And the object is something we don't like it, or something we think is valueless or useless, we try to reject them. you know, both, you know, the desire to get it, or desire to pass it away, is desire. And Dogen Zen, Nojo Zen said, dropping off body and mind, it's being free from this, you know, desire we encounter with this object of five sense organs.

[45:03]

Being free from, you know, bound or kind of, you know, desires caused by, you know, the object of our mind. That is dropping off body and mind. That means we become free from greed, anger, and self-delusion. Those are three poisonous minds. Greed means the desire to get something, and anger or hatred means we don't like it. And yet, even though we don't like it, it comes. So we get angry. And this greed and anger came out of ignorance. Ignorance means ignorance about this self or atma or ego.

[46:05]

Since greedy or we have hatred. You know, this three-poisonous mind is really based on ignorance. That means ignorance of the reality of our life. That is, we are all connected with all beings. So there's no so-called other things. But everything we encounter is our life, part of ourselves. So there's nothing we can gain or nothing we can actually reject because our life includes all of them. So we have to find the way somehow we can get together with, you know, things we like and yet we cannot possess.

[47:15]

And we don't like and yet we have to get together. That is our practice. So, in that sense, our practice or our zazen practice is being free from three poisonous minds or desires. And if we have joy or happiness, then our desires are fulfilled. If our desires are not fulfilled, we are not satisfied. then we usually don't have joy or happiness. Then what is joy in our zazen practice? If we have to be free from desires, there's no way our desires are fulfilled.

[48:20]

So how we can find joy in our zazen or in our practice? I think it's a really important question. What is joy or happiness for us, the Zen practitioners? When I was a high school student, I had a lot of questions. I was really a problematic student for teachers. I often escaped from the classroom and went to the library to read books on religion and philosophy and literature. So actually I really didn't like, you know, study at the school. And because of that, you know, I couldn't almost graduate from high school.

[49:21]

But my teacher taught mathematics. And somehow my examination was, you know, I didn't have enough marks to graduate because I didn't study at all. At that time, my teacher, a high school teacher, asked me, you know, because I wasn't happy at school. I was always, you know, how can I say, in a corner of a classroom and be alone and reading some books. I didn't find any meanings in the study at the school. You know, in Japanese school system, you know, the reason to study at high school is to go to the good university or college.

[50:29]

And I couldn't find any meaning to live in that way and to go to college or universities to have, you know, good job. And to have a good job is for the sake of, you know, to get more money. And people think, you know, that is happiness, to have, you know, money and good house and, you know, good cars, expensive cars. And I couldn't find any meaning, you know, in that way of life. So I couldn't find, you know, study at the high school. I wanted to know what's the meaning of life, what is the purpose of life, why we have to live, and how we have to live. And no teacher taught me at all. So I often escaped from high school—I mean, the classroom. So I wasn't happy at all.

[51:38]

Then one time my teacher asked me, what makes you happy? Then you feel joy. Then you have joy. I think he wanted to tell me I should do something by which I can be happy and have joy. But my answer was, I want to be always happy. I want to find the way I can be always happy. I can have always joy. And he said, it's not possible. He said, unless you are a religious person. Probably that is one of the reasons I am here.

[52:44]

So I said to him, Joy or happiness is in certain conditions in which our desires are fulfilled. We have joy or happiness. So joy and happiness are dependent upon the situation or condition. And I wanted to find, you know, to be happy and to have joy, you know, in whatever condition. How can I say? Even in the most difficult condition and no desires fulfilled, still I wanted to be happy and I want to have joy. And I wanted to find such a way of life. I think it's really greedy.

[53:45]

But I think we really need that kind of joy. That means unconditional joy. In whatever situation, we need to find joy and happiness. And I think what Buddha taught is the way we can find joy and happiness in any condition, in any situation. It's not happiness or joy is not depend upon the situation. That means when we have really difficult, you know, condition or situation, you know, we need to find a joy. That means, I think, within sansara fear, you know, there are a lot of suffering and pain, sorrow and unhappiness.

[54:54]

We have to find nirvana right in there. And I think what Buddha taught is that is possible. Even when we have nothing, we can be happy. And this happiness or joy is expressed in Buddhist scriptures. For example, when we have meals, Not in the formal Oryoki meal at MZMC, we chant this short verse of having meal. That is, as we take food, I vow with all beings to rejoice in the Zen, being filled with drought in the Dharma.

[55:56]

this you know, rejoice in the Zen and being filled with delight in the Dharma those are the joy we can have in whatever situation if we practice the Zen rejoice in the Zen This expression, I mean, Japanese expression for rejoice in the Zen and delight in the Dharma is Zenmetsu and Houki, rejoice in the Zen. And those expressions came out of the Lotus Sutra. It said, the living beings of that realm, that realm means certain Buddha land, shall constantly subsist of two kinds of food, two kinds of food, the one being the food of

[57:08]

Dharma joy. Dharma joy is delight in the Dharma. And the other, the fruit of dhyana joy. Dhyana means samadhi or meditation. So joy in Zazen or joy of meditation. So joy of Zazen and joy of Dharma you know, those two are really, you know, are always together with us as far as we are studying Buddha's Dharma, Buddha's teaching and practice Zazen, you know, in whatever situation. And also in the Vimalakirti Sutra, it says, you have just conceived the spirit of enlightenment.

[58:23]

Spirit of enlightenment, I think, is body-mind or awakening mind. From now on, you should devote yourselves to find joy in pleasures of dharma. and should take more pleasure in desires. So our joy is not come out of fulfillment of our desire, but our joy should be in the dharma. And it continues, Fat is joy in the pleasure of dharma. Pleasure of dharma is same as delight in the dharma. Fat is joy in the pleasure of dharma. And Nirmala Kirti says, it is the joy of unbreakable faith in Buddha, unbreakable faith in Buddha, and wishing to hear the Dharma, wishing to hear the Dharma, and of serving the Sangha.

[59:42]

So faith in Buddha and wishing to hear the Dharma, means to study the Dharma, and serve the Sangha, those should be our joy. And, you know, Buddha is Buddha, and Dharma is Dharma, and Sangha is always Sangha, in whatever situation. So whether or not our condition is a new ground of human sentiment, even though we cannot find any pleasure or desire, we can have joy. And this joy, I think, came out of the reality of our life in Fitch. We are connected with all beings, interdependent origination.

[60:50]

We are here because all beings support us to be here. There is no way to be here if something changes. So I'm here because this whole universe allowed me to be here. Otherwise, even if something didn't work, I would not be here. So in order to be here, really everything, all beings support me, support us. And even though it's not a most desirable condition in our thinking, you know, it's not possible to have a perfect condition to have everything we want. It's really not possible.

[61:52]

Maybe in the heaven it will be, but it's not necessarily good. That is the fact. Dogen then said, when he talked about joyful mind, he said, if we are born in the heavenly, in the heaven, or real realm of heaven, heavenly beings, you know, because of too much, you know, satisfaction, we don't have time to allow the body-mind. We don't have desire to study and practice Buddha's teaching. And Dogen said, if we are born in a very painful, difficult realm like hell or hungry ghost, because of too much pain and suffering, it's not possible to allow the body-mind. So to be born in this world, even though this world is called the Saha world, that means we must be patient.

[62:55]

or shabba or sahaba means the pose where we need patience. So we have, you know, a lot of suffering, pain, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, or anger, or whatever. Still, because we are here in this world as human beings, we can allow the body and mind to live together with all beings and study Buddha's teachings and practice with bodhisattvas or other people. we have to really appreciate it and we have to be very grateful about that. And that is, I think, is a source of joy, really deep joy, that, you know, the feeling of, you know, we are really being together with all beings.

[64:07]

is the source of joy. No matter how many things we own, if we feel separated from other beings, we cannot have joy. Wealth or position doesn't mean much for other people. But we try to help others even though we don't have so many things. Still our work, our energy can be part of other people's energy. Then the pleasure of other people can be the pleasure of myself. I think that is a joyful mind. And we can have, I think, a joyful mind even when we don't have joy.

[65:12]

To have a joyful mind is important where we can't find any joy. And I think our practice and Buddha's teaching and Buddha's compassion allow us to find a very deep joy in the very difficult situation. Probably you don't agree with me, you don't believe it, but In that sense, we need faith. That's why we study Buddha's teaching and, for example, Dogen's teaching, to have the faith. And our practice is, I think, based on this faith or trust. And I have this faith and trust because I have real living example of this attitude.

[66:26]

That is, my teacher, Uchida Maruoshi, he spent a really hard life. He's still alive. Now he's 84 years old, and he's physically really weak. And last fall, he almost died. But somehow, fortunately, he recovered. You know, he has been living with TB for 50 years. And yet he practiced in really, had practiced in really poor life. So he had to, you know, support his practice by takohatsu or begging. He went down to the street to beg for money every day. And still, you know,

[67:30]

How can I say? Now he is facing death. I visited him three weeks ago. And he said, you know, after he almost died last fall, he really became physically weak. And he said, you know, after that experience, one thing became really clear for him. That is, you know, he has to die. He's going to die. And he has no fear about it. He's almost enjoying it. I mean, his mind is still creative, you know. He's still writing a book. And here you will be on TV to talk about aging and death.

[68:40]

And aging and death is really the most important point. Sick, aging and death is the most important thing for us human beings. Dogen Zon said, to clarify life and death is the most vital thing for Buddhist practitioners. And Uchama Roshi said, now he's really clear about life and death. And he wanted to, how can I say, write about it to transmit to someone who is going to die. That means all of us. And so his teaching, I think, is really precious. So even when we are facing death, I think we can be happy. We can have joy. And after that, we have nothing. And still, you know, and Butchernorosh has no wealth.

[69:46]

He wrote many books, but he don't have much, you know, income. So he's poor and he's sick, he's aging, he's facing death, still he's happy. Really. It's not a, you know, happiness like we have when we drink beer. But it's much more subtle, deep joy and happiness. And I think that is expressed by a, you know, painting of Buddha's nirvana. You know, Buddha is dying or dead, but he isn't, you know, his face, Buddha's face on the, you know, nirvana, you know, he is really peaceful. And this peacefulness within sickness, aging, and death, I think, is nirvana, and it's not something negative.

[70:55]

It's a really positive thing. Verse is important, and we grow little by little. and we celebrate our birthday and wedding, and yet we don't usually celebrate our death. But I think death can be something we can celebrate, and we do at Buddha's Parinirvana Day. So I think the joy, joyful mind is I think that's a kind of energy which I find even when we are in a really difficult, painful situation. Well, I think it's time to stop talking.

[72:05]

Any questions or comments or whatever you want to say? Please. You had mentioned that, in a way, practice of thought is similar to vow and repentance. I see that I have this particular type of thought, I repent, but it has nothing to do with my particular vow. And so, a thought process such as that, when occurring, is often more used than an actual activity as well. Well, what I meant is, you know, when we sit, we just sit. And this is a practice of vow and repentance. No, we don't think, no. Okay. Please.

[73:10]

How many I wonder what's the small line between gaining, how to practice without gaining, and trying to target it. Well, Utsavarosa often said, you know, we aim not. We aim at something to do something in the best way. But there is no, how can I say? I forgot the word, I'm sorry. Yeah, that's an easy expression.

[74:24]

So we should try to do our best to do things in the best way, most complete way. But we cannot say, you know, how much we can do. Well, we did how much we accomplished. So our practice is just to, you know, as much as possible, always as much as possible for right now, right here. Okay. Please. You said at one point, when you sit, you try to not think. And I'm curious, I'm trying to figure out the phrase where it says, Think over not thinking. So how does that, like, how does that non-thinking, where they're not trying to think?

[75:31]

Well, I'm trying not to think. But something comes up, and I open my hand. still things come up, and I let go. I still come up. So, you know, I try not to follow thinking. And I try not to think, you know, whether this thought is good or bad. Sometimes, you know, So, you know, thought is there. Thought is coming up, constantly come up. But I don't think because I let go. So, I think this is think of not thinking. Thought is there, but I don't think. It's not thinking, it's not action.

[76:34]

Thinking, you know, automatically spring up, grows up from my mind. And when I make it as object and try to think some things in other Zen, in other Zen we face only the world, so there's no object. Still object come up from inside of ourselves, inside of mind. In the yoga-java philosophy that said, you know, all experience we had in the past is stored in the araya consciousness. Araya means storehouse. So everything is stored in the deepest layer of our mind. And when we don't have objects, certain objects outside, things come up from our consciousness and become like an object, appear like an object.

[77:40]

So we start to play with these things from inside of ourselves. That is karma. And if we force this object come out of my mind, my mind or my life become two, subject and object. And if we think in that way, then we have to say, I'm thinking. We cannot say, I'm sitting, I'm doing the Zen. This is thinking, actually. Have some object, even though the object is from my mind. And if when we are doing in this way, even though we sit in this posture, it's not zazen. It's thinking, actually.

[78:41]

But no matter what kind of thought or feeling or emotion come up, we just let go, open our hand. We don't ploy or interact with thinking or feeling or whatever as object. Then this is part of myself. And this being doesn't think, but thoughts come up. And it's really difficult to explain this, you know, thought is there but I don't think, unless we have the experience. But since all of you have some experience of sitting, I think you can understand it. And in order to explain this, I often use the analogy of driving a car. When we drive a car, we put the gear into neutral. The engine is moving, but the car doesn't move.

[79:45]

I think in our Zen, the same thing, you know, we put the gear of our mind into neutral, then, you know, our mind, our brain is still functioning, but we are not moved by our thinking. Thinking is just there like a cloud in the sky, and we are like the sky. Do you understand? Breathe. Yes. So it's not a private action for this person, of this person. But the, you know, life force, the life force from the nature is functioning there through this body and the mind. And this person doesn't try to control it. Just accept it, I think.

[80:49]

Okay. Thank you very much for listening.

[80:54]

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