He first came to this country in 1975 to leave the Pioneer Valley Zendo in Charlotte, Massachusetts, and was here until 1981, and then returned to Japan, where he has worked on seven books so far he's published, most of them Rishiyama Kosho Roshi's writing or commentaries on Dogen Zenji. Opening the Hand of Thought, Shikantaza, Dogen Zen, The Teachings of Homeless Todo, Dandawa, The Pure Rules for Zen Community, And he continues to work on translating Rinpoche's teaching for us, and also Shri Ramana Maharshi's commentaries for us.

[01:29]

Now, just recently, for the last three years, he has been the head teacher at the Minnesota Zen Meditation Center following the death of Yuri Roshi, and is in the process of starting a new practice center called Sanshinji, the three minds that are spoken of in Tensho Kyokun. But that's a little bit... It was all set to go in Iowa City, but he has now been invited by the headquarters of Soto Zen in Japan to do a five-year term as liaison between the Japanese Soto school and American Zen communities. So he will be based in Los Angeles, and so exactly how

[02:34]

Sun Shinji shapes up, I don't know, but I certainly hope he shapes up, because I want to send some of my students there to study. Tonight is both an opportunity for us to hear him, and also, as you may have noticed, a fundraiser to help him get Sun Shinji off the ground, so if you can make a donation, please do. Good evening, everyone.

[03:58]

I'm very happy and honored to be here tonight and have a chance to practice together with all of you and share Dogen-den's teaching. From Brunch-san, OK. [...] From the length and invited me to visit San Francisco and give a talk. If my memory is correct, she said it's nice to talk about Dogen, the pure standards for the Zen community. This is a translation of Dogen Zenji's Eihei Shingi.

[05:07]

Shingi means pure standard. That is a regulation in Zen Monastery, especially Dogen's own monastery, Eiheiji. And this book was published from State University of New York Press. And this, I worked to translate on this book with Taigen, Dan Layton, who is a member of the Sangha. But, you know, there are so many things to talk. You know, it's not possible to talk on the whole of Ehei Shingi. one day, one lecture. So, I'd like to talk on only one thing from Ehhe Shingi, that is joyful mind.

[06:10]

Joyful Mind is one of three minds, as Branch-san mentioned. The name of our community. After I finished the position of head teacher at Minnesota Zen Meditation Center, Taiken-san, Taiken Yokoyama, and myself formed a community of practitioners, and we named it Sanshin Zen Community. And sanshin is a Japanese expression for three minds. San is three and shin means mind or heart. We use the Japanese expression because, you know, both three minds or three hearts, you know, doesn't work somehow. It's okay as a singular, you know, like a joyful mind or parental mind or nurturing mind and magnanimous mind or heart.

[07:25]

It works as English, but then we make it plural, like three minds. It's something strange. So we keep it in Japanese, sanshin. And... Bogen Zenji taught this sanshin, or three minds, joyful mind, parental mind and magnanimous mind in his tenpa kyokun. That is the first section of Ehe Shingi. And my teacher, Uchiyama Koshio Roshi's commentary on Tenzo Kyokun was published in English, in English translation. So the title of the book is Refining Your Life. So I think some of you have already read the book.

[08:26]

And the book is actually the whole book. of refining your life is actually about those three minds. So, I think some of you have already some idea or understanding about those three minds. So, probably it's not necessary to talk you know, to give another talk about those three minds. If you read that book, you can understand what it means. But when Uchiyama Roshi retired from Antaichi, that was 1975, He gave us the last lecture and he talked about the important point we have to keep in our minds to continue to practice.

[09:39]

So those seven points still are fundamental guidance for my practice. And one of those five points is about Sanxing or three minds. He says, Zazen must work concretely in our daily lives. as the two practices, vow and repentance, and the three minds, magnanimous mind, parental mind, and joyful mind, and as the realization of the saying, gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment. When he retired in 1975, I was 26 years old.

[10:48]

Right before he retired, I received dharma transmission from him. And I practiced with him at Tantaiji for about four years after I graduated from Komatsu University. So actually I didn't practice together with him so long. and in the same year I came to United States in Massachusetts and started to practice at Pioneer Valley Zen Do with two Dharma brothers. So after that I have been practicing with my teacher. I mean, without my teacher, actually, physically. But I think, you know, as far as I'm practicing, following his guidance he gave us at his last teaching, I feel, you know, I have been always with him.

[12:05]

So this point, our Zazen, Zazen is really center of our practice, especially at Antaiji. We did nothing besides Zazen, almost. I mean, we had no chanting, no morning service. During Sesshin, we have no lecture. No work period. We don't have meal change. But we just sit. One period was 15 minutes. And we had 10 minutes kihin. And we continue sitting 14 period a day. So we sat from 4 in the morning till 6. And we had breakfast and we sat from 7 to 12, five periods.

[13:11]

And we had lunch and short rest and we sat again from 1 to 6. And we had supper and sit again from 7 to 9. Very simple schedule. You know, we don't need to memorize. Just sit, really just sit. My teacher, Uchamuroshi, gave lectures twice a month. Then we had one day, not a session, but a Zazen-kai. So Zazen is really not one or part of our practice, but Zazen is a whole of our practice at Tanteiji. I wanted, or we wanted, to continue it in this country.

[14:12]

So at Vale Zendo in Massachusetts, we had the same session, five-day session, I think they still have. And we have not ceremonies. At MGMC, Minnesota Zen Meditation Center, I tried to follow Katagi Roshi's style. So I didn't have a five-day session without a lecture. And we had morning service, lectures, and work period. I think the same style of Sesshin you have here. And it's nice for me to practice in that way. Before that, you know, I practiced in my teacher's style for 20 years. We had at least 10 Sesshin a year for 20 years. Still, you know, I feel a beginner.

[15:28]

Because there's no way to measure, you know, how far I come from the beginning. And there's no way to measure how I become better. So I'm always, you know, beginners. each period of Zazen is really the first Zazen. But after I went to Minneapolis, I found that kind of session with lecture is also very helpful for me because I have to talk. It's really hard, you know. for the teacher. Because, you know, in order to give a lecture, we have to think. And, you know, I try not to think in Zazen, because thinking is not Zazen.

[16:34]

But somehow, you know, because I didn't have enough time to prepare the lecture before session, so somehow, you know, I have to prepare session during... to prepare lecture during session. You know, I had time to prepare lecture Then they have a work period, maybe one and a half hours, but not enough. So easily I started to think, you know, that I should talk. I try not to. I try to give, you know, open up my hand. Still, you know, it's come up. So it was really difficult for me to sit. But it was also very helpful because I had to think what to say, what to talk. My understanding became really very clear.

[17:39]

When we study, for example, Dogen Zen's teaching or writings in Japanese, since Japanese is my own language, and also Japanese language is not so logical. So somehow I feel I understand without thinking or understanding in very clear logical way. Somehow with our mind, with our feeling or emotion, we feel, you know, I get it. I really understand it and I feel I follow his way of practice. And yet, when I try to explain, you know, it's really difficult, especially in English, because it's not my own language. And in English, you know, sentences should be really clear and logical.

[18:41]

So it was really, you know, helpful for me to have that kind of session. But also I miss the session without giving lecture. It's really nice. I don't need to think anything. I don't need to worry about anything. Just sit for five days. It's really nice. And deep. Anyway, Zazen is really a center or a basis of our practice. Our practice means our life. So, the Zen sitting meditation or practice in the Zen-do is not kind of a, how can I say, is not separate from or should not be separate from our day-to-day lives.

[19:43]

But our daily lives, our daily activities should be part of our Dazen. So, Dazen have to function in our daily lives. Otherwise, our life become separate or divided into two parts. You know, sitting in the meditation hall and other activities in our daily lives, at home or at work. That is not the way we practice. I mean, That is a point of Dogen Zenji's teaching in Ehe Shingi. All activities we do in our daily lives should be practice. Practice of Buddha way. So, it should be same with our Zazen practice. Or, in a sense, it's a part of our Zazen practice.

[20:46]

you know, Zazen practice, sitting meditation, and day-to-day activities, and studying Buddha's teaching. I think those three are three pillars of our practice, to study and understand Buddha's teaching. and to practice and put our understanding of Buddha's teaching and meditation into work in our daily lives. And Ege Shingi is a guideline how we can put our Zazen practice into work in our daily lives. And Uchiyama Roshi mentioned The way our Zazen works in our daily lives are two practices, that is, vow and repentance. Our practice of Zazen itself is a practice of vow, taking vows, bodhisattva vows.

[21:54]

You know, I think you know those four vows. Four bodhisattva vows. Sentient beings are numberless. We vow to save them. And desires are I vow to put an end to them. And dharmas are boundless. I vow to master them. And Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to attain it. That is the bodhisattva vows. That means all bodhisattvas have to live by with this vow. And all, everything we do, all activity we do should be the practice of this vow, these vows, four vows. And a problem or important or interesting point about this vow is it's not possible to fulfill it because sentient beings are numbers.

[23:09]

How can we save them all? There's no time, no way to save them all. And desires are, you know, un-exhaustible. How we can exhaust it? You know, there's no time we can complete or accomplish our vows. That means our vows is really infinite, endless. And since we practice based on those vows, our practice is really endless. And we really see the incompleteness of our practice each moment. And that is the source of repentance. Since we see our incompleteness, you know, We have to say that my practice is not perfect.

[24:15]

That makes our vow new, fresh, and more vigorous. So, repentance in Buddhism or Bodhisattva practice is not simply to say, you know, I'm sorry because of certain mistake I did. Of course, that is a part of repentance. When we make mistakes, we have to repent. But that is not a deep meaning of repentance. Repentance is actually our zazen. Our zazen is repentance. That means, when we sit in this posture, you know, and let go of thought, still, you know, we are often, or almost always, being caught up in our thinking. or we fell into sleep.

[25:19]

You know, we actually continue, you know, thinking and let go of thinking and sleep and awake. You know, this Zazen, this practice of Zazen itself is the practice of vow and repentance. That is, oops, I'm sorry. That's one of the ways our Zazen works in our daily lives. Not only in sitting, but when we try to do something, to take care of day-to-day things, even small things, it's really difficult to do it completely. You know, our vow makes us to try to do things, you know, mindfully and completely. And yet, when we are mindful, we see, you know, we cannot do it.

[26:24]

We cannot be complete. So, we have repentance and we try to do better next time. That is a practice of vow and repentance. That's the way our practice of Zazen works in our daily lives. And also, our Zazen works as three minds. Magnanimous mind, parental mind, and joyful mind. Today I'm going to talk on joyful mind, but I think better to briefly talk on magnanimous mind and parental mind. Magnanimous mind, about magnanimous mind, Dogen said, this mind, or magnanimous or big, big mind.

[27:25]

Okay. When you said magnanimous mind or big mind is mind of big mountain and great ocean. That means, you know, big mountain doesn't move. It's really immovable. And yet on the mountains there are many trees and grasses and many living beings living there. And so our mind should not be shaky. So we should be really immovable. We should settle down where we should really settle down. That is the reality of our life.

[28:37]

That is this moment. And the ocean accepts everything. You know, whichever water from whichever river, ocean, just accept. So ocean is often used as an analogy of Buddhist Sangha. You know, member of the Sangha came from different path, different background, different, you know, and different, each one of us have different tendency, characteristic, and habit. and religious and cultural background, still once people get into this Sangha, this Sangha is just one Sangha. There is no separation or discrimination. That is a basic idea about Buddhist Sangha since Buddha's time.

[29:43]

So, in order to accept all people, we must be really flexible. So, mountain is immovable, and yet we should be immovable like mountain, and yet we must be flexible like ocean. Flexible and tolerant like ocean. That is Magnanimous mind and parental mind is of course, you know, the mind of parent when they raise children. You know, when we raise children, you know, we don't think, you know, we take care of children in order to gain some benefit or reward, but we just take care of them.

[30:46]

You know, it's not a business or a trade, but we just take care of them because we love them. That's all. And we don't have a desire to gain something from raising children. So the parental mind means the mind which takes care of things instead of being taken care of. Children are happy, kids are happy when they are taken care of. But parents are happy, parents find happiness in taking care of kids. In the Sangha, this attitude is really important. We try to take care of things instead of being taken care of.

[31:56]

That's the difference between childish mind and parental mind. So, what Bogenzen said in Heshingi is, we should see the three treasures, Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, as if we take care of our children. Both the mindfulness mind and parental mind, And today I'd like to talk on joyful mind. That is the third one. And joyful mind is, of course it's nice to have, but it's not an easy thing to have or to maintain joyful mind.

[32:59]

You know, When we have a good time, we have joy. When things are going well with us, we have joy. When we have joy, we don't need a joyful mind. Because we are joyful, we don't need a joyful mind. But in a situation in which it's really difficult to find joy, we need a joyful mind. So a joyful mind is not such a simple thing. I think a joyful mind is the same as trust. When we have reason to trust some person,

[34:00]

We don't need trust, actually, because it works. But when we trust, then we don't have enough reason to trust a person. That is when we need trust. And I think belief or faith is the same. You know, in a condition where we can have faith or belief, there's no reason we have to question or doubt. You know, we don't need belief or trust. But in the situation of fear, we cannot find any good reason to believe someone, or some teaching, or trust someone. We really need belief, or faith, or trust. And joyful mind is the same thing. When we have a good time and things are going well with us, we don't need to have a joyful mind.

[35:03]

Because it's joyful already, actually. But when we live in the sangha, we don't have, you know, it's not possible to have such a good time, you know, always. We have so many problems. and difficulties and conflict, you know, between people, because we are living so closely. You know, even though we practice Zazen and study Buddha's teachings, so, you know, we are really brothers and sisters. All of us are Buddha's children, so we are one family. And still, you know, we are not holy people. We are just ordinary people, ordinary actual people. And so there are many, how can I say, weak points and habits.

[36:16]

So, it's very natural to have many, you know, a lot of difficulties, conflict, or even fighting. Especially, you know, people have a lot of energy. So, if we are not careful, it's very difficult to live together and practice together. That's why we need a vows. You know, we try to help others, to save other people. That is a basic vow. And still, you know, we have problems. According to Dogen Zenji, the definition of body-mind or aspiration to practice is a mind to save all beings.

[37:22]

That is, having a body-mind is to be bodhisattva. And body-mind is a mind to save all beings. we are saved, before we cross over to the other shore. And in the chapter of allowing body-mind, Dogen Zenji said, the person, the beginners, who, you know, fully allows body-mind and try to have vow for saving all living beings, and the body-mind of Buddha's, or Buddha's enlightenment. Body-mind or Bodhichitta is an abbreviation for Anuttara Samyak Sang Bodhichitta.

[38:24]

That is Buddha's supreme awakening. And our body-mind is not so great, you know. Logan said, you know, Buddha's body-mind, another example, Chitta is like a moon, light of moon. And our body-mind is like a light of firefly. So small and so weak. But, you know, those two are the same. That's why Dogen Zen is the same. Those two are the same. Our body mind and Buddha's and Tarasatmyukta's body mind is the same body mind. And, Dogen says, it's much more difficult for beginners. than the Buddhas or our great Bodhisattvas to practice with this vow of saving all living beings.

[39:27]

Because we want to be saved. We want to be taken care of. We are not so great. We have a lot of problems, difficulties, and weakness. Still, instead of having this weakness, We allow the body-mind. This is much more difficult. Because it's difficult, it's much more precious. That is what Dogen Zen said. So, the body-mind of beginners are really precious. We have to really appreciate it. So, even some of us practicing 20 years, 30 years, 40 years or 50 years, still we are beginners.

[40:30]

If we compare with the Buddhas, Buddhas have been practicing life after life. So we are beginners. It's really important to see, to really understand we are beginners. So we are weakness. We are not so strong. We are not so enlightened. And yet we have, we share a golden mind. And that's why, that's the reason we live together and practice together. So, you know, even though we try to contribute, you know, best part of our practice or our heart Still we have problems, difficulties, and our capability is limited. So our practice is not an easy thing, especially to keep practicing for a long time.

[41:36]

We have so many problems with other people, but also within ourselves. Sometimes we have so many good reasons to leave or to quit practice. And sometimes we couldn't find any reason to be here and keep practice. Honestly speaking, I have such experience. you know, exactly, precisely in that situation, we need joyful mind, or parental mind, and magnanimous mind. Otherwise, we cannot continue to practice. Then, this joyful mind in our practice, that is what I'd like to talk about tonight, You know, Dogen Zenji expresses his Zazen as dropping off body and mind.

[42:46]

That is our practice of Zazen. And this expression, dropping off body and mind, is originally Dogen's teacher, Nyojo Zenji's expression. And so Nojo Zenji told Dogen Zenji that Zazen is dropping off body and mind. Then Dogen Zenji asked, what is dropping off body and mind? Then Nojo Zenji said, dropping off body and mind is Zazen. And he, I think a little later, asked again about doping of body and mind, or Shin Jin Datsuraku. And, you know, Chozen said, doping of body and mind is being free from five desires.

[43:50]

Five desires means, you know, we have five sense organs. Eye, you know, nose, mouth, ear and body. And from each sense organ, you know, encounter some object. Something happened inside of ourselves. If, you know, that object is something desirable, something we like, we try to, you know, get it. That is desire. The object is something we don't like it or something we think, you know, valueless or useless. We try to, you know, reject them. You know, both, you know, the desire to get it or the desire to pass it away is desire. And Nogen Zen said, the open of body and mind is being free from this desire we encounter with objects of five sense organs.

[45:03]

Being free from, you know, bound. or desires caused by the object of our mind. That is dropping off body and mind. That means we become free from greed, anger and self-delusion. Those are three poisonous minds. Greed means the desire to get something. And anger, or hatred, means we don't like it. And yet, even though we don't like it, it comes. So we get angry. And this greed and anger came out of ignorance. Ignorance means ignorance about the self, or atma, or ego.

[46:05]

or we have hatred. You know, this three poisonous minds is really based on ignorance. That means ignorance of the reality of our life, that is, we are all connected with all beings. So there's no so-called other things. But everything we encounter is our life, part of ourselves. So there's nothing we can gain. or nothing we can actually reject because our life includes all of them. So we have to find a way somehow we can get together with things we like and yet we cannot possess and we don't like and yet we have to get together.

[47:19]

That is our practice. So, you know, in that sense, you know, our practice, or Zazen practice, is being free from three poisonous minds, or desires. And we feel we have joy or happiness when our desires are fulfilled. When our desires are not fulfilled, we are not satisfied. Then we usually don't have joy or happiness. Then what is joy in our Zazen practice? If we have to be free from desires, there is no way our desires are fulfilled. So how can we find joy in our zazen or in our practice?

[48:27]

I think it's a really important question. What is joy or happiness for us, you know, zazen practitioners? When I was a high school student, I had a lot of questions. I was really a problematic student for teachers. I often escaped from the classroom and went to the library to read books on religion and philosophy and literature. So actually, I really didn't like studying at school. And because of that, I couldn't almost graduate from high school. But my teacher taught mathematics.

[49:29]

And somehow, my examination, I didn't have enough marks to graduate, because I didn't study at all. At that time, my teacher, high school teacher, asked me, Because I wasn't happy at school, I was always in a corner of a classroom and be alone and reading some books. I didn't find any meaning in the study at the school. You know, in Japanese school system, you know, the reason to study at high school is to go to the good university or college. And I couldn't find any meaning to live in that way and to go to college or university to have, you know, good job.

[50:40]

And to have a good job is for the sake of, you know, to get more money. And people think, you know, that is happiness, to have, you know, money and good house and, you know, good cars, expensive cars. And I couldn't find any meaning, you know, in that way of life. So I couldn't find, you know, study at the high school. I wanted to know what's the meaning of life, what's the purpose of life, why we have to live and how we have to live. And no teacher, you know, taught me at all. So I often escaped from high school, I mean, the classroom. So I wasn't happy at all. Then one time my teacher asked me, what makes you happy?

[51:44]

When you feel joy, when you have joy. I think he wanted to tell me I should do something by which I can be happy and have joy. But my answer was, you know, I want to be always happy. I want to find the way I can be always happy, I can have always joy. And he said, it's not possible. unless you are a religious person. What about that is one of the reasons I am here? So, I, Filipino, The usual idea about joy or happiness is in certain conditions in which our desires are fulfilled, we have joy or happiness.

[53:06]

So joy and happiness are depending upon the situation or condition. And I wanted to find, you know, to be happy and to have joy in whatever condition. How can I say? Even in the most difficult condition and no desires fulfilled, still I wanted to be happy and I wanted to have joy. And I wanted to find such a way of life. I think it's really greedy. But I think we really need that kind of joy. That means unconditional joy. In whatever situation, we need to find joy and happiness. And I think what Buddha taught is the way we can find joy and happiness in any condition, in any situation.

[54:17]

Happiness or joy does not depend upon a situation. That means, when we have a really difficult condition or situation, we need to find a joy. That means, I think, Within samsara, where there is a lot of suffering, pain, sorrow, and unhappiness, we have to find nirvana, right in there. And, I think, what Buddha taught is that it is possible. Even when we have nothing, we can be happy. And this happiness or joy is expressed in Buddhist scriptures.

[55:24]

For example, we have meals. Not in a formal Oryoki meal. At MZMC, we chant this short verse of having meal. That is, as we take food, I vow with all beings to rejoice in the Zen, being filled with delight in the Dharma. This, you know, rejoice in the Zen and being filled with the light in the Dharma. Those are the joys we can have in whatever situation if we practice the Zen. Rejoice in the Zen. This expression

[56:25]

I mean, Japanese expression for rejoicing in the Zen and delight in the Dharma is zennetsu and houki. Rejoice in the Zen. And those expressions came out of the Lotus Sutra. It said, the living beings of that realm, that realm means a certain buddha land, shall constantly subsist of two kinds of food, two kinds of food. The one being the food of dharma joy. Dharma joy is delight in the dharma. And the other, the food of dhyana joy. Dhyana means samadhi or meditation. So, joy in zazen or joy of meditation.

[57:29]

So, joy of zazen and joy of dharma, you know, those two are really, you know, or always together with us, as far as we are studying Buddha's Dharma, Buddha's teaching, and practice Zazen. You know, in whatever situation, And also, in the Vimalakirti Sutra, it says, you have just conceived the spirit of enlightenment. Spirit of enlightenment, I think, is body-mind or awakening mind. From now on, you should devote yourselves to find joy in purgers of Dharma.

[58:40]

and should take more pleasure in desires. So, you know, our joy is not come out of fulfillment of our desire. But, our joy should be in the Dharma. And, it continues, fat is joy in the pleasure of Dharma. Pleasure of dharma is the same as delight in the dharma. Phat is joy in the pleasure of dharma. And Vimalakirti says, it is the joy of unbreakable faith in Buddha. Unbreakable faith in Buddha. And wishing to hear the dharma. Wishing to hear the dharma. and of serving the Sangha.

[59:42]

So, faith in Buddha, and wishing to hear the Dharma, to study the Dharma, and serve the Sangha. Those should be our joy. And, you know, Buddha is Buddha, and Dharma is Dharma, and Sangha is always Sangha. in whatever situation. So, whether or not our condition is a ground of human sentiment, even though we cannot find any pleasure or desire, we can have joy. And this joy, I think, came out of the reality of our life in which we are connected with all beings, interdependent origination.

[60:50]

We are here because all beings support us to be here. There is no way to be here if something changes. So, I'm here because this whole universe allowed me to be here. Otherwise, even if something didn't work, I would not be here. So, in order to be here, really everything, all beings support me, support us. And even though it's not most desirable condition in our thinking. You know, it's not possible to have a perfect condition, to have everything we want. It's really not possible.

[61:52]

Maybe in heaven it will be, but it's not necessarily good. That is the fact. Dogen said when he talked about joyful mind, He said, if we are born in the heavenly, in the heaven, in the heaven, or the realm of heaven, heavenly beings, you know, because of too much, you know, satisfaction, we don't have time to allow the body-mind. We don't have desire to study and practice Buddha's teaching. And if we, Dogen said, if we are born in the very, you know, painful, difficult realms like hells or hungry ghosts. You know, because of too much, you know, pain and suffering, we don't... it's not possible to arouse body-mind. So, to be born in this world, even though this world is called the Sahara world, that means we must be patient.

[62:55]

Or Shaba or Sahara world means the place where we need patience. So we have, you know, a lot of suffering, pain, sorrow, and sadness, and loneliness, or anger, or whatever. Still, you know, because we are here in this world as human beings, we can allow the body and mind and live together with all beings and study Buddha's teachings and practice with Bodhisattvas or other people. We have to really appreciate it and we have to be very grateful about that. And that is, I think, is a source of joy, really deep joy, that, you know, the feeling of, you know, we are really being together with all beings is the source of joy.

[64:11]

You know, no matter how many things we own, if we feel, you know, separate from other beings, you know, we can't have joy. Wealth or position doesn't mean anything to other people. But we try to help others even though we don't have so many things. Still our work, our energy can be part of other people's energy. Then the pleasure of other people can be pleasure of myself. That is a joyful mind. We can have, I think, have a joyful mind even when we don't have joy. To have a joyful mind is important where we can't find any joy.

[65:21]

And I think our practice and Buddha's teaching and Buddha's compassion allow us to find a very deep joy even in the very difficult situation. Probably you don't agree with me. You don't believe it. In that sense, we need faith. That's why we study Buddha's teaching and, for example, Dogen's teaching, to have the faith. And our practice is, I think, based on this faith or trust. And I have this faith and trust because I have real experience of, not experience but example, real living example of this attitude.

[66:32]

That is my teacher, you know, Uchiyama Roshi, he spent a really hard life. You know, he's still alive. Now he's 84 years old and he's physically really weak. And last fall he almost died. But somehow, fortunately, he recovered. You know, he has been living with TB for 50 years. And yet he practiced in really hard practice in really poor life. So he had to, you know, support his practice by takuhatsu or begging. He went down to the street to beg for money every day. And still, you know, How can I say?

[67:34]

Now he is facing death. I visited him three weeks ago. He said, you know, after he almost died last fall, he became physically weak. And he said, you know, after that experience, one thing became really clear for him. That is, you know, he has to die. He's going to die. And he has no fear about it. He's almost enjoying it. I mean, his mind is still creative, you know. He is still writing a book. And he will be on TV to talk about aging and death.

[68:41]

And aging and death is really the most important point. Sick, aging and death is the most important thing for us human beings. Dogen Zen said, you know, to clarify life and death is the most vital thing for Buddhist practitioners. And, you know, Uchamara said, you know, now he's really clear about life and death. And he wanted to I can say, write about it to transmit to someone who is going to die. That means all of us. So his teaching, I think, is really precious. So even when we are facing death, I think we can be happy. We can have joy. And after that we have nothing. And still, you know, Uchiyama Roshi has no wealth.

[69:46]

He wrote many books, but he doesn't have much income. So he's poor, and he's sick, he's aging, he's facing death, still he's happy. Really. It's not, you know, happiness like we have when we drink beer. but it's much more subtle, deep joy and happiness. And I think that is expressed by a painting of Buddha's nirvana. Buddha is dying or dead, but he isn't, you know, his face, Buddha's face on the nirvana is really peaceful. And this peacefulness within sickness, aging, and death, I think, is nirvana.

[70:52]

And it's not something negative. It's really a positive thing. Birth is important. And we grow little by little. And we celebrate our birthday and wedding. And yet, we don't usually celebrate our death. But I think death can be something we can celebrate. And we do, at Buddha's Parinibbana Day. So, I think the joy, joyful mind, is... I think... that's a kind of energy. we can find even when we are in a really, you know, difficult, painful situation.

[71:53]

Well, I think it's time to stop talking. Any questions or comments or whatever you want to say, please. I see that I have this particular type of thought. I repent. None of this has nothing to do with my particular vow. Well, what I meant is, you know, when we sit, we just sit. And this is a practice of vow and repentance.

[73:02]

No, we don't think. No. Please. Which Amarash often said, you know, we aim what? We aim at something to do something in the best way. But there's no... how can I say? I forgot the word, I'm sorry.

[74:15]

Yeah, that's his expression. So we should try to do our best, to do things in the best way, most complete way, but we cannot say, you know, how much we can do, or we did, how much we accomplished. So our practice is just to, you know, As much as possible. Always as much as possible. For right now, right here. Okay? Please. You said at one point that when you sit, you try to not think. I'm curious, I've been trying to figure out what kind of thinking phrase is this. Think or not thinking? I try not to think.

[75:26]

But thinking comes up. And I open my hand. Still thinking comes up. And I let go. I still come out. So, you know, I try not to follow thinking. And I don't think, you know, whether this thought is good or bad. Sometimes, you know... So, you know, thought is there. Thought is coming up, constantly coming up. But I don't think, because I let go. So, I think this is the thing of not thinking.

[76:27]

Thought is there, but I don't think. It's not thinking, it's not action. thinking, you know, automatically springs up, goes up from my mind. And when we, I, you know, make it as an object, and try to, you know, think some things, you know, other than, you know, other than we face only the world, so there's no object, still object, object comes up from inside of ourselves, inside of mind, In the Yogacara philosophy, that means, that said, you know, all the experience we had in the past is stored in the araya consciousness. Araya means storehouse. So everything is stored in the deepest layer of our mind. And from we don't have object, certain object outside, you know, things come up from our consciousness and become like an object, appear like an object.

[77:40]

So we start to play with these things from inside of ourselves. That is karma. And if we face this object come out of my mind, you know, my mind or my life become two, subject and object. And if we, you know, think in that way, then we have to say, I'm thinking. We cannot say, I'm sitting, I'm doing Zazen. This is thinking actually, have some object, even though the object is from my mind. When we are doing in this way, even though we sit in this posture, it's not Zazen. It's thinking, actually.

[78:41]

But no matter what kind of thought or feeling or emotion comes up, we just let go, open our hands. play or interact with thinking or feeling or whatever as object, then this is part of myself. doesn't think, but thought comes up. And, you know, it's really difficult to explain, you know, this, you know, thought is there, but I don't think. Unless we have the experience, but since all of you have some experience of sitting, I think you can understand it. And in order to explain this, I often use the analogy of, you know, driving a car, when we drive a car, we put the gear into neutral, you know, the engine is moving, but the car doesn't move.

[79:45]

I think in our zazen, the same thing, you know, we put the gear of our mind into neutral, then, you know, our mind, our brain is still functioning. But we are not moved by our thinking. Thinking is just there, like a cloud in the sky. And we are like the sky. Do you understand? Okay. Please. So that kind of, like, think-not-thinking is non-intentional? Yes. So, it's not a private action of this person, but the life force, the life force from the nature is functioning there, through this body and mind, and this person doesn't try to control it, just accepts it, I think.

[80:49]

Thank you very much for listening.

[80:54]

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