1990.08.02-serial.00080

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EB-00080
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Don't put false heads above your own.

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this is kind of funny room because there's only a few people writing fantasy most of us
i
tonight on my subject of attack tonight is when i called trust in your own sensibilities
ah and what are the stories that dead so instead
well i thought a lot about and
worked with some
i got his pockets

the placard books too
and this is said this book has been out for long time can that it's a pushups and science and tom and jerry would come enjoyed by millions and zakat i know in yoga since to is rather unusual man grew up in japan and steadied send their at first such as with such a teachers and
in windsor teachers and he said at one point that he admired and respected and loved so unshackled the best
but that he didn't want were all his teachers names and back like a sandwich board and he got that would be rather domain so he's not gonna change you never all of his teachers were
and he came to this country and nineteen nine five
i think in the east bay know around hayward and there was a few japanese living there and they they did farming for wild and
and eventually later on he moved to san francisco
and he said i used to work odd jobs and whenever i had enough money i'd rent a hall and give a talk about buddhism
and he had a little xander at times and he started agenda some time in the i returned the late twenties early thirties and sensors currents vader moved to los angeles and he had a little xander in his house and used to say that this is my floating gender because i cared or my i can carry it on my back
like us now with his shell
ah and he never wanted to build to have a in to start a big group of people who used to say where do we want a lot of people for we lose the spirit of criticism
in a respite care for what we do
and why would we want to improve this place and make it nicer you know if if people were interested in buddhism right comfort than the missing the point so let's not worry that making it too comfortable for them
ah and he was rather states spoken it seems and and
anyway this bird and can i got this book because and mean i have seen as broke out and it was sort of my favorite books from when i started studying send this purpose three dollars and ninety five cents so you know it's arabica lake came out
and and but a woman used to work here when i was for are working their heads her care and we had our little shack back over here before this kitchen is got for the kitchen ah
there wasn't a a woman in her at that time point i guess in her early sixties who worked in the kitchen or with as her name is this your house
ah otherwise known as lou and and she kept wicket in the kitchen each practice period over and over again because she was old enough and straight the asthmatic that she couldn't really work outside in the wintertime when it was so called so she also got to be nicknamed kitchen karma
kk
because she worked in the kitchen or over and over again whereas other people decide for myself tended to come on girl
so over that period time we get to be good friends as she we can oftentimes in the kitchen kind of and poking out of breath because she lived down in the barn and she would make your way up here are and should be slightly asthmatic and arrive in the kitchen
what can i do and she was fairly she's also an artist and she happens to have a share this month at the fort mason center in san francisco
and it's a show it's a retrospective show it's also kind of a milestone because she died a few years ago in the ocean off with her reign she had a drowning accident skippered him scuba diving at the age of seventy
i under some kind city captains remind me that their courage to see is the i posted the pictures of at the barn in the four seasons return the opposite of those cards she did they join it was made into cards
i'm anyway a one time the last time i sarah was over in your house and sentences can be fresh and moved away and she had cried library there and she says what you like any of my birds and i picked up his birth as so that's where this comes from and she signs that love from lulu and it says you're cool headed
outfitted friend
and this is in accord with run yoga since out these scenes which i'm going to give you know neocons and zakat says died on are made a fifth nineteen fifty eight and these were his last words to his students ah he said our fence and a diamond
at please don't put any thoughts hands above your own
please don't put any false heads above your own than moment after moment rights your steps closely
these are my last words to you
there are some other places where it says that he said our fence in the gamma rays don't fret and he thought heads about your on
then moment after moment rights your steps close the keep your head cool and a faint line isn't my last worst year salary signs hybrid a bright a year cool headed had very friend
and that and now i thought about that for one interested in or he just meant that you shouldn't have hats in your head and you should you know for one big sacks and be
but i think it was a little more and no allegorical the net and metaphorical and whatever that word is
ah you know that it's better to to to bring your air awareness and your energy down into writing in particular them into your feet and it said as the traditional and in fact is sometimes to procure ran his entire to eat
and in this way you have read getting so much energy up in your head and involved with thinking or and strategies in planning and trying to get everything worked out our the way you made our tend to do and so you just put your energy back down and your breath and you'd brought into the
so anyway at this for me is used for kind of first story or in terms of
trust trusting your own sensibilities the subject i have read tonight
and when we wrote the the greens kirchberg just to give you a little idea about how we put heads above on and again you know it's interesting because this sort of thing is very subtle and it you know it's obviously something now we can talk about tonight and then you may find in over in her
sit around i headed back your arms said it go out there is another one that he was talking about
anyway when we were the greens capric
we said cook the onions until they're translucent and then know add this into that and i editor when we get a book manuscript back when we first headed back and said how long
have a ever again your convenience until they're translucent and there's a cigar
it's principally labor and it says how long
there was one of these on almost every page
was this has to offer this is pretty clear with that
and colleges of the difference between being killed my and been in new york reuters editors in new york and it seems like from the neo point of view which is also the american review you am
now there is such a thing as a going to the authority who can tell you how to do it and then you can do it the way it should be done and he will come out alright right and you won't have to worry about it have any anxiety and it will work the way it said and cook the onions three minutes now in this is
going to work
and and then finally got to into the past section you know which is after the salads and soups and the pizzas and indraprastha section and semarang the pasta section us says cook the vegetables until their as tender as you ride
hi
and just said
it said not only how long but how do we know
happy
a did thought what am i going to do right judaism an insane i have as you establish a standardized bright
the dinner when i didn't know how to explain this to the now
so i finally wrote for the green script for this intersection contrasting your own sensibilities
and the this was in fact that we we're trying to teach to teach you to trust you you the reader you know to trust your own sensibilities to learn to trust your own eyes iran knows your ears your taste your smell
and you could actually developed some testing them
i
so this is the tendency that will keep thinking there is some way and sewing we've put together recipe and and we tasted and we think i used to think like this is this terrain it's expressed to be
this is the way it should taste
instead of tasting something and saying oh how is this
what's it like
and so we tend to have this idea this is this head around it is posted tell us how it's supposed to be
just the way it's supposed to be and then would get this overhead appeared it's gonna say yes
image
but we tend to think this is set up there even though you know it's a meme in not really actually answers like that but you know what kind of asking is there there's his head above on head this is to raise her three and then we practice meditation like that too
no granted mutation her and then we talk about meditation experience and go to the teacher and say is is this debris and supposed to be i'm i'm having lots of thinking i'm having as my legs hurt know all these different you know i'm getting kind of angry or now i'm sitting there and having lots of sexual fantasies is this is this really meditation
is this a supposed to be
now i see a guy like watching your stead what about watching your steps closely what's going on there what's happening right that about know what is your what is your experience about
instead that we go to somebody else me said is is this what supposed to happen i mean or can you give me the recipe for went to doing this situation and you tell me now i'm getting angry now what do i do or do i do you think there's ever going to be enough recipes
a to cover all the circumstances for kind of think assemblies can have this recipe and terrorists yeah is what you do
are you from asteroids
am the last words this offense in the diamond
please don't hurt any thoughts heads above your on then moment after moment rights your steps closely
sorry then when i talk tonight you'd better be careful not put my head birth years
happen
so there's this little shift in whether it's cooking and meditation
right about now just drinking well how does it taste what is happening in my meditation what's going on instead of going to somebody else are trying to ask the head above years of his sister rate supposed to be
i taught sending you this job at a friend of mine raise the rent to ask this is a woman who's a storyteller
ah and
no somewhat older in know maybe in her sixties and on me anyway and
ah maybe she's in a fifty gy but anyway she said storyteller and she's written some children's works in various things and she's worked in my rose now and she just moved recently to los angeles from san cisco secret so she could study take seventh phd programs anyway at one point she said it
which she was at a and s training course and she said out now i really don't know much about asked and i don't know about it as an organization but i had this wonderful experience when they had asked and there this wonderful young energetic irishman who is going on about this in mad and and this was this is
after the days no-one ezra's in originally as was promising enlightenment in a weekend you know and it was oh and they kept you in the room you know if for ten hours or something didn't i just know the bathroom or anything know
and you're gonna get enlightened and have ever
i known if it's maybe it works maybe some people get bladder infections enema
i bet she said so i don't know about asked now i don't know about as an organization or all the things they do or one earhart but i had a great time there's this irishman and he went on he was funny and enjoyable and energetic and late in the afternoon ah he said to all of us don't you get it it's not supposed to work
and all the time we have this thing and it were asking for the recipe how do i get it to work how do i get it to be the right supposed to be and he said don't you get it and he used to you know a little kind of insulting phrase there know you frankie blanks it's not supposed to work and
she said she suddenly got it
a recent she said is tremendous weight dropped off her
oh and she went home and she was so energized and so full of vitality and she couldn't sleep and she stayed upright she stayed up all night she was so thrilled and excited know that not to have this head above our head and more this tremendous rate certainly a bone gun
i run it for her and so she felt great and in nasty said you know this is later now started doing there some meditations is was living at this city center and i'm pasting from one
before she went to are studying at ucla
but that's it in a wonderful example of again in history not having this other head gonna tell you that's going to tell you how it's supposed to be it's supposed to hurt will be the recipe
so returned to do this we attended the recipe suddenly having had who you know people who know how to how to how do i cope with anger where do i do about this instead of actually you know and it's kind of like saying would you please tell me what to do with anger so that i don't have to relate to it at all
that's the impression i get sometimes is a tutsi rarely would you please tell me what to do with grief so that i don't have to have anything to do with it
and i somehow like to say you know well i think it's time to spend some time with it and kind of related to it to yourself and kind of rights your staff closely you know and didn't have some idea about how it was supposed to work some head above your own i think you could figure it out
and if you'd have that much confidence in that much trust in yourself i think he could do it
and if you didn't and if you didn't assume the waiver this other head above your head that saying i think it must be some simple rated deal with this is the i see these other people they don't seem to have the problems i do they must be some key in a recent recipe there's some you know our get in on the ground for it
so this doesn't mean you know that we shouldn't ever ask anybody you know about anything i shouldn't study with anybody else are you know the we say in buddhism or everything is preaching the down everything is speaking it is a teaching as each moment of our experience for anybody will need there's something we can
the things that yoga since out his teacher said about him was he learned from everybody he studied with everybody without any discrimination about you know who was
zen and then they can say host and guest without regarding discrimination about whether they were supposedly ah you know higher or lower than him
i'm supposedly better or worse than him
i have this other story about you i tell sometimes about time
oh all these years of impact seen in meditation everything i said you know this is gonna make my life better now and death
i noticed when i left sense and is it i had trouble making decisions i mean i can move and moved out of sense in about five years ago after living in sensitive for twenty years and i found it i have a real trouble making decisions now where am i going to wear for my live where where am i gonna do for livelihood
so i go to the store now
right am i gonna buy
and if you have been you know and has a house for where you got this tourism in the right they have we have thirty feet of serves you know and and i go i go what kind of soap should i get and san diego fingers from time said ed you don't watch television in net
when you have to find out how wet you know
it's kind of overwhelming sometimes you know for somebody like me so i thought well i'm just out of practice of making decisions this will get bettors i live out here you know now that will have you buy a car no if by a car and i really going to buy a kind
service all pretties you know overwhelming and lots of decisions to be made and now has been five years and i still have trouble making decisions
and then suddenly recently said who teaches the any games that will edu and nine from the alien dammit
and nine september making decisions
so i realized at that point that yes it's not just that i got out of practice it's insane but actually i've had this trouble all along
you know when i was living here just to hide the hardest the hardest part of the schedule was a day off
now i could do the rest is schedule fine i love to know the bell rings and you get up and then at the next bell rings and you're guided meditation how and i could do all that i didn't have to decide anything any decision rests do the next thing on the schedule
no such as go along with everything inside collapsed and then i've been dead for a couple days and then i get up and go back and get some more
except for the days off right and then you have to figure out for yourself what to do
i might have to try to think you are what do i want
so ninety nine's don't know what they want
because they're busy and i was doing this what other people have asked him to do and would you please father's guess you'd find in which you work in a kitchen okay when she go do some stonework okay and you know so just do the next thing that comes around and people asked me
and this is very interesting because i mean it's interesting to me i no and but you know i spent all those years since and and then when i naturally unnaturally not very good at making decisions and then i got in with this group you know conveniently enough that asked me not to make any decisions and then he said this is the spirit of virtue
you not to make decisions so that this is i must have thought you know i'm touch the this is great i have to make decisions and his group says it's the spirits of virtue can be better yeah i am
and there's a lot of things like this you know i've had other been an understanding things like this the doesn't seem like necessarily spiritual practice so-called spiritual practice per se is going to necessarily be good for you know i mean maybe assist
lets you only got better in or anyways
so i asked kept practicing or and doing what i was supposed to do right following the schedule i did everything i was supposed to do and then you know i thought well my life is going to be better when my life is going to get better if i just do what i'm supposed to do it's all going to work out fine somewhere in the distant future
our the not-so-distant future hopefully or maybe in this moment he notes are going to get better
now just resets in her head about your own your life
so it's taken a number of experiences since i've left sense and had to convince me that it's not in a similar game and anything yeah it doesn't it having done this practice is not like in a last night mentioned the person had all that money and he said well what's the point of it doesn't give you immunity from the other things
like a car breaking down new yorker monster by supply of having all that money if sometimes your is instead so couples few summers ago i was on my way with my daughter to go river rafting in idaho and salmon idaho we instead from salmon idaho and was one a few times in my life were on time in know ahead of time
and we just stopped and gotten gas we didn't have to get gas and i had a cup of coffee there and my daughter is didn't or charted by restricting who your shorts and visited a problem for why like a regular are and i suggested now
the mineral water
that's it we had in the car
and then i was thinking what a wonderful day and i was coming into my data help prevent future in my life i'm ahead of schedule where ahead of schedule with you know it's forty five minutes and it's six fifteen and it's only half an hour to salmon
and i say
and as i want a wonderful day it is in this of a blue sky and going along the salmon river whatever it is and these nice heroes in the words and chase is kind of like a test highway as you know that it's so wonderful their line of the blue and the a lot and you know among the hilltop there and the blue ridge so sapphire and so brian
and i some driving around and then i'm looking at the heels just momentarily know how wonderful your skills are and then i looked down and there were these rebel the rocks and boulders and alone now the ahead of
and my darling who been a looking at the chocolate
huh so neither of us were aware
as the intended feature
i was quickly arrival
and my spiritual practice and had not prepared me for
yeah all the all the effort and gone to in our message it didn't it didn't help me and many splendors
and i thought momentarily of swerving into the other lane
around the rocks but i was going about sixty five miles an hour and i was a little bit worried about maybe swerving too far into the other lane or that maybe somebody will be coming even though with a quick glance there wasn't any better coming and in just that moment i decided to meet the obstructions head off
that was a bit of a you know mistaken decision
nobody tells you like well what do you do in the rocks are coming up in the road and then you know you don't i didn't have a recipe for and you know i was supposed to do when you know i life is life is folks
it's actually write this know so we hit these rugs and the worst was a it was about this high
that was kind of square shape and was immediately in front of the right front tire
and so is most into it and managed to get over it and passed it and
there was a huge you know cronk
and then we are and then another kind of slightly less of a conch i think is the back when went over it and i don't know how the back wheels survived
it just a front wheel served didn't
a front tire didn't you know who's going to flap flap flap flap
first i thought you know everything was fine we're still in the road
and then it was flap flap flap
this was when my car was failing never had his hand to right so they'd explained to me when i bought the car you know they went through as a little details years with this isn't his services to his a signal is the radio this as a little graphic equalizer switches and they send me in the true
anke how the tire is underneath the floor
this means that all of our luggage with to
all of our stuff for a camping trip is in the trunk
so this was extremely not only was the tires inflated i was extremely deflated
and and was i differently but immediately following the declaration i was intensely angry you know that the universe where do this to me after all i've done
at the amas would still do this sort of thing to me and pull this kind of stunt that i took it very personally you know when a personalized the universe know so i was intense the and or thrilling step out of the trunk and yeah well getting it out there anyone about throwing it but is that kind of in throwing it's the master of
bit anyway
the dirt reza side of the road and i finally got down and now everything has been shown and i opened the thing up and then it's their spare tire on these cars well in a certain basis soul
there's this little tiny thing
the inflated balloon thing it's like of the bicycle tires and
i didn't know that
i still had spare tires
and a sister of funny
so i get out now and then we go through the whole thing and in eternity on my god resisting and to work and i look in the book says from now on with your little tire on there you should not go for forty five
the

so is so angry when finally got the time magazine we stopped everything back and check back in the backseat suit you know this the other tired back in the back seat of the cars and place in ounces dirty tiring on strike there is
so anyway
and we can make it on time then you know it's there were driving along we start up i pull out you know and i'm still so angry you know and i'm saying and over again on the same susan graham same from the university
and finally ice just my hand out the window of the you know it's just to have thought the universe and it just so happened his pickup truck
what's so young men and were passing that

i hadn't noticed
i was going on at forty miles an hour
they were coming have very fast sixty five or seven
i started thinking you know what did they try to pull us out
and say to them
excuse me which is my bread tiger i use man so universe denied there wasn't getting personal to you

it is no recipe you know i mean talk about them is no way you can get through unscathed you know you do the right practice i've done all these spiritual practice i was so disappointed you know with things like this could still have and then i told this to people you know i feel my friends when i got home and i said ed you don't understand your speech apprentice who had saved you'd be dead
now if you hadn't done on that's good
i think what had happened what it would have happened if you hadn't done that and it's impact is your car ride with a gun off the road
sent her nose you know i mean who the heck knows but anyway there wasn't any recipe for that and mean in life is like that when we keep thinking you know like which you please tell me what to do so it's all comes out okay you know or as tell me what to do so i don't have to relate to these difficult things that are happening in my life like this
anger and his grief and sorrow know and tell me what to do so don't really have to relate to myself rains will say don't actually have to have the anxiety and sarah i'm figuring out and working within struggling with it and living room sitting with it and breathing in enid know
i'll pay long you know all night long ever know
give me some me least you know cinema had this problem making decisions right so couple of times i called up some friends of mine i met these people are projects the up this retreat to three years ago and is cooking and spiritual practice retreat treatment he's a doctor sees a financial consultant and having i got to be friends with we went to visit them in boulder creek
i mean and it turns out they know somebody is a friend of his name psychic bob
i say not his name in cycling rise name is bob but they they put on a psychic but and and he's also he's a regular doctor but is also studying on the apathy and is she's becoming a home army up it in a homeopathic doctors ron has been going to cause live in berkeley but sometimes when he has trouble figuring out what is the homeopathic remedy he
call up second five and say is that this just isn't and psyche problem with sometimes talents or after why psychic bad started saying to him i think you know the answer whether you figure it out
well
so i thought well give second about the try
what am i going to do with my life so i guess the psyche bribe him he has this accounting you used to do a pendant also you know my friend the doctor said that on occasion and know he can he's you know terapia guys the homeopathic remedy to the patient
and just kind of thing now i forget how they did that but there's some way that you can tell emphasize things and i guess the gravity and seven and today's still to this baby and the baby got well right away you know after he had tell the proposed the homeopathic remedies anyway
so he used to use some kind of pendant in a way you have something in it and it wings you know yes or no or it goes and circle this way or that way or you know this is yes and that's no or whatever but now he has he just his hand vibrates and insists that a pointer in his hand he has this little chart in front of them and it goes from one to twelve and there's no this is one is a little so
section it's the one to so he can go like this and then he can tell you oh that's a ten out of twelve or that's a traumatic twelve or whatever illness i'm going to ideas and priests study in australia teach couldn't pass the surgery and answer i'm like well everything well that would be good or wherever they go whatever they can i say well bob if it's all going to be good how do i decide
and he says well you just decide
now that's not putting another head about here and here i am going to this other head you know and i'm thinking that there's there's some way you actually do these things and there's some basis on which you actually do it
there's some you know that if you will you decide what would be better for you are the way it's going to come out better or the way it's going to work and you decided that rather than the thing is not going to work wouldn't do that one that makes sense as a way to decide things well
so i didn't have enough second bob so it's going to take a trip to these curse i called up and the phone i said bob i'm getting nervous about this chips i take this gypsies coasts and he says well yeah that would be at twelve out of twelve good trip for you
okay
what about if i stay on route that would be twelve out of twelve two
since the same thing know he just decides he just decide which is do it you know and and there's no way to figure out what's going to be the best know what is now what's in store
and what's going to be good for you know
i mean sometimes it's no more obvious than this but for me now having trouble making decisions you know it's really hard
and soon i think it's the recipes it's the same thing you know we had a recipe and we just could follow at least when seventy seven reddit community very good you could say where i followed the recipe a
as a rifle i did when i was supposed to derive i was you know i followed orders i followed the directions using that ripeness

so this is it you know it's very simple words and yet you're over and over again you may find some place in your life where you're notice now are you are you looking for another head are you asking another hit for your advice
are you and then there's this other head to that's gonna give you advice gratuitously they didn't i tell you not to do that
i told you you should have kept your mouth shut
they didn't listen to my was and you know you have to be careful with those voices that in each of us have it's better to be careful of his races the ones that don't identify themselves as who's talking
you know but they talk to you as though they're the ultimate authority
well
and your life
when the ultimate authority you know you have as to whether you're a good person bad person how you doing you know you're doing great you know tennis a good and it's the ultimate thirty boys but it never says you know this is your ultimate authority voice talking
no it's just a voice that comes out in your head and then tells you where it's at and then you go and if when you can't talk bad right and you said oh yes oh yes you're absolutely right that's right yeah i really i really mess that up deny you know you're talking back to this called said about your own head and i mean who else are you talking to
so it's better like when you start hearing these voices in some way i didn't know this different you know approaches to this one is too
you ever serve it it might be used for similar i give you three minutes of my time and then had the i hear about any work because i'm busy now i'm meditating i'm cooking for to get to work now i gotta get the kids up to school you know whatever it is but okay one minute or two minutes you know tell it to me straight in there let's get it over
and i'll give you my full attention now and that's that yeah sometimes you realize some strategy might help you but basically there again you know dip recipes are going to work for different people and you're going to have to really figure out for yourself
but in some way we're working to
to trust our own sensibilities
i am your iran sensibilities and human reactions like in my story have been made her you know why not always on top of it and somehow you know we have to forgive ourselves and the universe
so this passes is to rely on our body we a mind
your thoughts and feelings
no because in a certain way with his head above our head we've been colonized
now and we lead various things colonizes and tell us where it's at terrorists right to do tell us the way it's supposed to be and then we go yes that's right that's so you're right it's the way it's supposed to be expensive but the fact that we don't do that know the second part of this same as as to them very important
it doesn't mean that you can you know trusting yourself doesn't mean that you grown on great thing as the second part is moment after moment rods your steps calories think carefully moment after moment watch first the right carefully learn study
right is it what's going on here

didn't
well reach another
the classic story here

this is sam
called aku signs lecture and after it there's a little
commentary brian yoga since active sorry the business
are ya que son had not delivered a lecture to his monks for some time and at last the chief monk came to him and said amongst miss your lecture
then ring the colleen bell said the aka son
when all the monks were gathered in the lecture hall the a christian returned to his room without a word
the chief monk followed him
you said you'd give a lecture why don't you do it
lectures on such as should be given by scholars of the sutures and those ancestors by students of the shastras writing your brother this old monk
southern european since zach says about history isn't it your exemplifies what the surgery teach and just as or commentaries on the scriptures if one can live as buddha taught suitors in chester's mean nothing to him
yakuza gave lectures for beginners a finger pointing to the moon but for morning tonight and from night to mourn in his living was a constant nature to the monks this lecture was the real one
if some monks overlook this wordless teaching they're not fair to study then the chief monk deserves thirty blows
and when tension gained an insight into the truth isn't immediately took up all his commentaries on the diamond sutra richard runs consider invaluable and indispensable and he threw them into a big fire
whenever reduced to ashes he said however deep your knowledge of absolute philosophy it's like a piece of hair raised in the vastness of space
and however important to experience in things worldly it's like a drop of water turned into an unsolvable of this
the same with any recipes you know all of our knowledge and knowing what to do little care
in big space
person him m attack emerging
the makita teacher so in shock he said from a million volumes of scriptures as elizabeth even a million volume volumes of scriptures or the light of a candle compared to the sun when you compare them to the actual experience of enlightenment
i don't mean to discourage your study of buddhism to brooks the west needs scholars of suitors and shastras these days but it also urgently needs a constant practice of zen like yeah up his son

so please fencing in the diner place don't get any thoughts heads above your arm
and moment after moment rice your steps closely