Here, I have to get the cushions under so I'm balanced. My name is Lynn Conchon-Zenke. For those of you who don't know me, I see a few familiar faces to me, and most of you don't know me. I'm from San Francisco Zen Center. I live there. I've been involved in been involved in there for 11 years. When Alan Sanaki called to ask me to lecture, I said, I laughed and teased him because August is traditionally the month that clergy people go away from their parishes, and the third string lecturers come in. So bear that in mind when you hear my talk today, that there's more advanced practitioners available and lecturing here.

[01:11]

But this weekend, starting yesterday evening and going through Wednesday, the Buddhist Peace Fellowship, which Alan is the director of, I guess this is titled, is doing a conference on engaged Buddhism. And actually, that's the topic. I figured since they would all be there, I could get away with talking about engaged Buddhism, because they wouldn't be here to hear me talk about it. So don't tell them what I say, OK? First, I want to tell you a little bit about myself, since, like I say, you don't know me. I started practicing 22 years ago when I was in college. good college, you know, I mean, in those days, in the 60s, you know, that's what you went to college to learn was Buddhism, or humanities. So I started practicing then. I was very fortunate to meet who was really my first teacher, a man named Francis Cook, who is a Dogen scholar.

[02:17]

He's written a number of books, and the latest one he has out is called Transmission of Light, which takes Zen ancestors and tells each of their enlightenment stories. It's sort of like, you know, I don't know, there's a TV program that talks about the rich and famous. Well, this is sort of the rich and famous of Buddhism. And he goes through and tells their enlightenment story. But I was fortunate enough to meet him at a time, he wasn't acknowledged as an open scholar at the time I met him, but he was making a transition from being a scholar to actually being a Zen student. And once you become a Zen student, I really hate to tell you this, but you're a Zen student the rest of your life. It gets you. You know, if you go away from it, that's okay because it's like a little virus that rides around with you for the rest of your life. And it attaches to you and sometimes brings you great pleasure and sometimes brings you great sorrow.

[03:21]

But it usually helps your life. So I started practicing and started sitting on my own or in small groups. And I basically have sat every day since then. And I came to San Francisco. I'm not hitting any of the high points, I'm just telling you the good stuff. I came to San Francisco 11 years ago and I lived in residency at Zen Center for a little over five and a half years. I'm also a registered nurse. I work with oncology patients, cancer patients, people having bone marrow transplants. I work at UC Hospital in San Francisco on a very intensely busy and crazy unit. I worked there for eight years and then I took off about four years and worked for Zen Center in various capacities and have recently gone back to nursing. I started again in January. So I've done a variety of things.

[04:27]

I worked for Zen Center on their computers and then I was Shiseo, which for a priest is a transition from being a senior-junior to being a junior-senior. That's the best way to explain it. I see that. That's the easiest way to explain what the position of shuso is. You learn to be nice to everyone when you're shuso. For me, that was a major training, and I worked with Soken Sensei. a lot with that one. He tends to give very simple instructions. He said, be nice to everyone and follow the schedule completely. I mean, that's all he told me to do, right? And it sounds easy. However, it was very difficult. And actually I did learn relatively well how to be nice to everyone. I learned how to be nice to myself too, which I kept forgetting in the process.

[05:31]

I then became Eno or Head of the Meditation Hall at City Center in February of 1990. And then went about in the next year to have probably one of the worst years of my whole life. I had a major disagreement with my other teacher, Tenshin Sensei. I had a nervous breakdown as a result of part of it. And then I started other things. Our car blew up and my partner had a ruptured appendicitis and spent two weeks in the hospital quite ill. And then we got a new car and we went out. Afterwards, and the first day we got the car out, we got rear-ended, and my car seat broke, and I was in a lot of pain and couldn't work for three months. So it ended my, abruptly ended my, you know, career.

[06:33]

Which still causes me some grief, because I enjoyed, I enjoyed doing that. I enjoyed getting up early six mornings a week. Nursing is good training for certain things. And so I went back into nursing. Because when I left it, I didn't leave it. I have... How can I say it without sounding corny? I love nursing, so it's something. It's not that I left it for negative reasons. So I went back into it. And I still do things at Sin Center as a resident. And I lecture occasionally there. Now I'm lecturing here. And the reason I'm kind of telling you a little bit about myself before I go in to say what I have to say is, at some point here in Eno, when I was Eno, we had Stanford students, Lou Lancaster, who's, not Lou Lancaster, he's here, who's at Stanford, oh well. Karl Bliefeld sent his beginning Buddhism studies students to us.

[07:40]

so they could see what real Buddhists did. And it was an odd experience to have 30 or 40 18 or 19 year olds come on Saturday and go through our schedule when it's not really what they're into. They're not quite ready to settle down and listen. But anyhow, we did a tour and we did lunch and we broke them into small groups so that they could talk to some of us. And it was quite interesting. And he sent us the papers back that they wrote And one in particular had mentioned me, and it was rather interesting. He actually, the fellow who wrote it, got pretty much the points we were trying to make in Zazen instruction, and it was pretty interesting. At the end of it, he said, in reference to me, he said, I cautioned, and it was addressed as if in First Person to Me, I cautioned Lin that she should think about what meditation means since she doesn't know anything about the real world.

[08:48]

And I must admit I was a little offended. Bob Thurman said one time in a lecture, he said, you know, you think you've forgotten yourself, wait until you're falsely accused and then you'll see how much self you've So I was greatly offended to some degree because here was this young man telling me, doo doo, here we have it, that I hadn't lived in the world when actually I'd spent most of my lifetime living in the world. Except when we dress like this, you don't necessarily, that's the point. I always wondered why at Tassajara and during training periods we ask people to dress in robes or to dress in dark clothes. And someone one time explained it to me, is you really see the differences when everyone's dressed alike. So when we're dressed like this, in some ways you don't see who we are, and in other ways you can see completely who we are. So it's just like everything in Zen, it's a paradox.

[09:49]

It's a paradox for you to work on. So, this is a little bit about who I am. I was interested in engaged Buddhism partly because I feel like in my work... I'm just going to slip off of here. See, I had performance nightmare dreams last night. I wasn't sure I was going to get up on this platform without making a complete fool of myself. And now I feel like I'm going to drop something off and make a complete fool again. However, let's try not to. It's always interesting. In various dialogues in Buddhism, there's always this thing, is just sitting enough? We tell people that you need to sit.

[10:57]

And there's a whole thing, particularly in Western and American Buddhism, What does it mean to be in the world? Because even though I'm ordained, I still earn my living. out in the world. It's not like this culture will ever support an ordained class, and in a way I hope they don't. Because I think it's actually good for everyone to go back and forth, lay and ordain, both to hold positions of teaching and positions in the world. I think it should be mixed up that way. I think Westerners will bring Buddhism back together, the three schools back together, and give us something. That's truly American Buddhism. So, when I think of engaged Buddhism, I can't think of anything that doesn't fall into that category. I mean, if you call yourself a Buddhist, or even if you don't call yourself a Buddhist and you sit zazen,

[12:03]

Someone one time said to me they didn't like the label Buddhist because it offended them to have a label. And I said to them, well, if you just take the word Buddhist, all it is is Buddha and sit. So all it is is the world and sitting. So it's not so much a label as it is what you're doing. But if you take on Buddhist practice, then you're automatically engaged. in the world, you cannot but help be. Because Buddhism is the practice of awakening yourself and others. I mean, that's the bottom line definition we're talking about, at least as I understand it. You're working on awakening yourself and others. And when someone's truly awake, they're connected and they don't trash the planet, they don't kill each other, they don't shoot each other in the streets, they don't rape, they don't burn, they don't throw their garbage.

[13:13]

So, you're actively engaged the minute you put your bottom on the cushion, fold your legs up, or put your body in a meditative posture that works for you, because there is no wrong way to meditate. I have never in 22 years put my legs on a full lotus, and yet I still sit every day. So it's not the form that your body takes, but the form that your mind and body work together in. And that step that you take inward to find not the self, the neurotic self, but the self that is everything. That's engaged Buddhism. In Buddhism, there's three parts, really. There's sila, which is moral conduct. Samadhi, which is concentration practice, which is sitting on your cushion.

[14:18]

And there is prajna, which is wisdom. And I like to throw compassion in there, because I think that that's the double-edged sword in there. If you take the word engaged, I thought I would go to good old Webster's Second International Dictionary. And it amazes me how the dictionary is a Buddhist text. I don't think the authors intended it that way, but the teaching is completely within every word that's defined in there, or at least so far every word I've looked up. So I took the word engaged. And the first definition of it to engage was to offer. To offer is one's worth as security for a debt or a cause. Sounds like Buddhist practice to me.

[15:23]

I mean, ultimately what you're offering when you actually sit on your cushion is you're offering yourself up to the cause of helping other beings. I mean, that's the ultimate that you can offer, is yourself, is your dedication to the awakening of everyone. The second definition I found really interesting, but it's basic Theravadan Buddhism. It says, the second definition of engage was to entangle or entrap, as if in a snare or a bog. And what I mean about why, the reason I like it is because, particularly for us as Westerners, we are snared in a very much bog in the world that we live in. I mean, we're constantly thrown into choosing how to live

[16:31]

in awareness of all other beings in a world that is spinning faster than most of us can take. And there's an introduction to the basic Theravada text called the Vasuga Magi, which is called the Path of Awakening. And it says, the inner tangle and the outer tangle. This generation is entangled in a tangle. And so I asked Gautama the Buddha this question, who succeeds in disentangling this tangle? And this is the Buddha's answer. And I have to admit I've edited it for sexist language, so for those of you who know the quote actually, this is my peccadillo. When a wise person, established well in virtue, develops consciousness and understanding, Then, as a devout practitioner, ardent and keen in perception, this is who succeeds in disentangling the tangle.

[17:43]

I have found, from my own personal experience, that I can more easily enter some of the messes in the world, both in my professional life as a nurse and my life, as a volunteer in various organizations, because of practice. I'm not saying it necessarily makes it easier, but it helps me understand situations more clearly. But it only comes from sitting practice. So, the definition of engaged, to entangle or entrap, as if to snare in a bog, is what we take on as Mahayanas when we vow to save all beings. We vow to enter this tangle with everyone and untangle it together. The third definition was to bind as oneself to something.

[18:53]

Well, you can take that either way. You can take that as attachment. which I prefer not to, so I won't. But you could take it that way. But the definition of the word vow is to bind oneself to. And at the end of this lecture, we go through the four vows, I believe. And listen to them again when you say them with the ear to engagement in your life. because that's actually what they're about. They're not just something that you say. Partly we say this stuff over and over again. Zen's very boring, I hate to tell you all. But particularly Soto Zen is very boring. But we kind of do the same things over and over again so they penetrate. It's not as elaborate as some forms of Buddhism, but it's constant. morning.

[19:58]

And we say the four vows a lot. And the reason is that it's not just something idly to move your mouth around. It's actually a guide for your life and how you interact with everyone. The fourth definition I found in this dictionary, this is just right out of the dictionary verbatim, is to provide occupation for and involve. And I read that, and immediately what came to mind were the Four Noble Truths, that life is suffering, that there is a way out of it, that the cause of suffering is desire, attachment, that there's a way out of it, and the way is the Eightfold Path. Anybody who takes on Buddhist practice and takes on the Eight-Foot Path, right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right concentration, right samadhi, if you take that on, then you're completely engaged and involved for the rest of your life.

[21:16]

And the fifth definition was to deal with, especially at length, and again, I guess what came to my mind was the precepts and the refuges, that when you take these on, when you take on ordination, lay ordination, priest ordination, when you take on the precepts as a way of life, it's a lengthy process. To actually understand the precepts of, I vow not to kill, is a lifetime occupation. To really comprehend what that means in each moment. In Soto Zen, we study koans, but not quite the same way as they do in Rinzai. In other words,

[22:21]

We don't put a lot of emphasis on, quote unquote, solving the koan. And I, over the years, have found a way of studying koans that's worked for me. And it came to my mind, one in particular, one koan in mind, came to mind. when I was thinking about what does it mean to be engaged in Buddhist practice and to be engaged completely in your life and to be engaged in social action. And to me, when I read koans, I have actually several sets of different ones and what I often do is pull one down and just open it where the book may fall and read that one. And I find that I carry them around with me in that form as they're sort of shorthand dharma. I find koans sort of dharmic truffles.

[23:26]

They're short and sweet and to the point. And I find that just by reading them and having them in my mind that the understanding comes from walking into a patient's room, or encountering a family member, or meeting someone I know on the bus, or various things. There's nothing like learning patience than waiting for a bus, waiting for Muni or BART, or sitting on a BART train and the one in front of you catches fire and you sit there for an hour in the tube. It's a great opportunity for patience, especially when you're supposed to be somewhere in 45 minutes. Koan study for me is like that. So, unlike some people who lecture and read the Koan to begin with and then explain it, I've sort of explained it and now I'm going to read it and leave it for you to find your own meaning, however it fits into your life, however you feel engaged both with me and the practice and your life.

[24:34]

This is from the Mumu Kong, the Gateless Gate, the Gateless Barrier, And it's case number two. We have political action in here, too. I'm not used to the nude. I know it as Yakujo's Fox. The other name is Pao Ching's Fox. There's two different systems, a Chinese and a Japanese. Once when Pao Ching gave a series of talks, a certain old man was always there listening, together with the monks. When they left, he would leave, too. One day, however, he remained behind. Pa Ching asked him, who are you standing here before me? The old man replied, I'm not a human being. In the far distant past, in the time of Kasapa Buddha, I was a head priest of this mountain. One day a monk asked me, does an enlightened person fall under the law of cause and effect or not?

[25:37]

I replied, Such a person does not fall under cause and effect. With this I was reborn 500 times as a fox. Please say a turning word for me and release me from this body of a fox." He then asked Pao Ching, does an enlightened person fall under the law of cause and effect? Pao Ching said, such a person does not evade the law of cause and effect. Hearing this, the old man immediately was enlightened. Of course, they always are. Making his vows, he says, I am released from the body of a fox. The body is on the other side of the mountain, and I wish to make a request of you. Please perform my funeral as for a priest. Pao Ching had the head monk strike the signal board and inform the assembly that after the noon meal, there will be a funeral service for a priest.

[26:44]

The monks talked about this in wonder. Of course, it's supposed to be silent, but... All of us are well. There is no one in the morgue. What does the teacher mean? After the meal, Pao Ching led the monks to the foot of the rock on the far side of the mountain. He there with his staff poked out the body of a dead fox. He then performed the ceremony of cremation. That evening he took the high seat before his assembly and told the monks the whole story. Wainpo stepped forward and said, as you say, the old man missed the Trini word and was reborn as a fox 500 times. What if he had given the right answer each time he was asked a question? What would have happened then? Pao Ching said, just step up here a little closer and I'll tell you. Wang Po went up to Pao Ching and slapped him in the face. Pao Ching clapped his hands and laughed, saying, I thought the barbarian had a red beard, but here is a red bearded barbarian.

[27:47]

Not following under the law of cause and effect, what should this prompt? Why should this prompt 500 lives as a fox? Not evading the law of cause and effect, Why should this prompt a return to human life? If you have the single eye of realization, you will appreciate how old Pa Ching lived 500 lives as a fox, as lives of grace. Not falling, not evading. Two faces of the same die. Not evading, not falling. A thousand mistakes, ten thousand mistakes. Yes. Why isn't killing appropriate if it would save lives?

[28:58]

Well, who you kill is obviously not saved. It's a problem. I can't completely answer that question for you. I can only answer it for myself. And I cannot say that I wouldn't raise my hand in violence to protect someone close to me and dear to me, or myself. But that doesn't solve the problem of violence. Does that answer your question? Yeah, I'm just... I'm kind of, like, thinking about it, you know, what if somebody would have, like, taken out Hitler or Stalin and saved millions of lives? I mean, I suppose that's their karma, but still, you know... I believe in seeing by passively. It doesn't mean you said by passively.

[30:03]

That's not what not killing means. That's not passiveness. I think it's often mistaken for passiveness, but it's engagement completely in what's going on in your life. But I could say that's a very difficult question, and it's certainly very difficult in modern life. And I don't have... Much of my grandmother's family was killed in Germany. And I don't have an easy answer for that other than the fact that the violence does not settle violence and it tends to accelerate it. And I think partly that's why we are where we are. And I don't know how to back off of that in any way except to teach nonviolence and try to back it back the other way. But I don't know. I mean, I don't know that as a fact, so to speak. Yes?

[31:06]

Well, in my thoughts about that type of question, it seems like if you look at the recent Gulf War, what you're looking at is greed, hatred, and delusion. And that you don't need to kill Hitler if people want Hitler. And so the issue at that point is why do people want Hitler? I mean, then there is Hitler. Then you've got to deal with Hitler. But it seems a bigger question even That's what I mean. I feel like for myself in my life, what I try to do is put as much good as I can back into the universe, whatever that means to you. That's my basic translation of Buddhism in my life. That gets me into trouble sometimes. It does.

[32:07]

It's hard to intellectually explain an experiential concept, and I think that that's what it is, because My question about social action is always, when you go into social action, you're trying to make the world a better place, according to your conception of it. And in Buddhist practice, it is what it is. And so it doesn't mean that you don't act. I think Buddhism teaches, and accurately so, that there's neither good nor bad. That it's all very situational. I can translate that into my personal experiences. To translate it into political situations is difficult. And you start running into rhetoric and And, you know, I certainly don't have all the answers for it, but I think that in order to be socially engaged, one has to be meditatively grounded.

[33:15]

So that means you have to sit zazza. And then that comes, what comes naturally out of that process is a way to engage that works. But it's not necessarily definable by the words that we speak. Well, it's interesting that one of the names for Buddha is the great doctor, the great physician, and often Buddha's teaching is talked about as medicine, which is on occasion bitter for many of us to swallow, but it's been defined that way, and I think for that reason.

[35:34]

Disease is actually the word dis-ease. It's lack of ease. And I think meditation and practice over a period of time gives you a certain amount of ease. But again, like I say, you have to, you have to, you have to ground yourself before you can do anything else, I think. I'm really impressed that you've sat every day for so many years. Don't be. I'm wondering what's your secret for actually sitting. I mean, there's so many ways to get inspired, but there's not so many ways to make yourself come and sit, or make myself come and sit.

[36:37]

Well, as someone one time said to me, I have very good karma and very, very bad karma in my life. I say, most things I say, I mean what I say literally. And I literally mean that Buddhist practice saved my life, because I feel like if I hadn't have found it, I would have been dead a long time ago. So that in and of itself is a very motivating factor. There was much pain in my early life and in my childhood. And I was almost driven to find a way to work with that. And Buddhist practice gave me that way when I didn't have words and I didn't know what else to do. So, in some ways, It has been easy for me to sit. Not physically easy, because I have various... I have a clock in my hip that goes off after 40 minutes, and in my knee.

[37:45]

But it's been emotionally very stable, very easy for me to sit. So I don't have an easy answer for you. It has always been there for me to take the time to sit. I used to work nights, and I used to take my break and sit on my break at 3 or 4 in the morning. you know, everyone else took a nap or something, I went and sat zazen. Because it is the thing that gave me connection. And I truly believe, I know I have more words for that, but I truly believe that that's what kept me alive. So I was provided, because of my conditioning and my karma, with a fortunate set of circumstances. It was easy, it's always been easy for me to have the discipline to sit. It's not a discipline for me in that way. I don't have a lot of resistance. And it's sort of like exercise, you just do it. You don't, you just don't think about it.

[38:46]

I mean, I know people say that. But if the issues of life and death are a problem for you, it has the answer. That's my experience. It's hard to maintain a practice on your own. That's why a sangha is so nice. It's easier to sit with other people. The first ten years I sat, I sat alone. And I found that, retrospectively, much harder to do. But like I say, I was compelled to find something or die, basically, emotionally. I mean, I wasn't physically ill, but I was emotionally needed. It did something for me. So I'm lucky in that way. But if you can just put aside the resistance, and even if you don't come and sit like in a place like this all the time, if you just get up 15 minutes earlier and sit for that 15 minutes, all of a sudden it just becomes part of your routine.

[39:53]

and it has an effect. It's like, my favorite Suzuki Roshi story, I usually don't get away without telling this story, my favorite Suzuki Roshi story is that Soto Zen is sort of like wearing a coat in the fog, that you're out walking and walking, and you come in the office and you find your coat is soaked through, and you're not quite sure how it happened. And that's how practice in this particular style is. You do it and you do it, and all of a sudden, you get something. but you're not quite sure how it happened. What happens from just doing it? And I know we say that and it sounds so trite, but it's true. That's it. You just have to do it. Sorry. I wish I had something that made it easier, but that's it. You just have to do it. Any other questions? Thank you again.

[40:56]

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