Yesterday, in passing, a question came up about perfection. The goal of our practice is not perfection. Perfection is not so difficult. how to be ordinary, and how to accept our mistakes, and how to live with ourself, given our shortcomings, and what we consider our shortcomings, and problems, and difficulties. There is a beauty in doing everything perfectly correctly, but there's also a beauty in not quite reaching what you're reaching for.

[01:22]

When you listen to Miles Davis, the beauty of his playing, of his music, is in his imperfections. When I used to listen to him in the 50s, 60s, I was always waiting for that wonderful imperfection, that wonderful thing that he was trying to reach but couldn't quite reach, but was more beautiful than what he was reaching for. because of his effort to reach for it, and he was not exactly a virtuoso, but he was trying to express something which couldn't be expressed given the limitations of his instrument, but because he was so sincere in his reaching and in his expression, the mistakes, not mistakes, but the imperfections were the most beautiful part of his playing.

[02:44]

And in some way our practice is like that. trying to express what can't be expressed so easily, or trying to do what can't be done so easily, or making the effort that's beyond your ability. But you do it anyway. Our formal side of practice is to help us to practice. Formality and the way we proceed, our procedures, are a way to integrate

[03:59]

our activity so that, to harmonize together. And to help us be grounded and centered. Sasaki Roshi says, you should find the center of gravity. Buddha is the center of gravity. You should always be looking for the center of gravity in all of your activity. When we walk in the Zen Tao, we walk carefully, when we walk Dukkhinin, we're doing kinhand centered on the center of gravity, and the center of gravity within ourself is the center of gravity of the universe. Same thing.

[05:06]

When we find that center of gravity in ourself, we're connected to the whole universe at the vital point. So all of our activity and the formality gives us a way to focus on that. It's not a matter of trying to be perfect or to do, you know, so this practice is a little bit like a dance, you know, when we serve and do kin hand and zazen, kind of like a ballet. And of course we want to be a good dancer. some of us. Sometimes we complain, you know. But if you see it that way, you know, then you enjoy the practice. I always enjoyed serving, you know, because it's a kind of like a wonderful dance.

[06:11]

You're moving in rhythm and you're meeting each person and serving and all the movements are this flow of energy and it's the flow using the implements, the pots and the pans and the ladles and taking it out of the bowl and putting it in the dish, and all the relationships that are going on in one simple activity. So if we look at it that way, then it becomes an enjoyable experience. So we should be able to enjoy our practice. If not, then there's some problem. But the way to do that is to let go. When you're serving, there's really nothing to be afraid of.

[07:19]

You should just stop thinking. Just let go of thinking and just do the activity. And when you get into it, you really feel this interaction and you let go of ego and your true personality is, your true self is being expressed through this interaction. Your interdependent nature is being expressed through this activity. So this is the wonderful opportunity we have in this kind of practice. And sometimes, you know, it's not easy for everyone. And sometimes we make mistakes. But the mistake is just a deviation.

[08:25]

Mistake is just another form of expression. So maybe somebody isn't doing things the way that you think they should, you know. If someone is consistently not doing something the way that we think that they should, and you have a comment about it, you shouldn't talk to that person. You should talk to the Shashin director. Say, you know, I think that so-and-so Are they doing this right? And then the Sashin Director can decide what to do about it. If the Sashin Director wants to talk to somebody, they can do that. But only one person says something. If you don't like, if you have some problem with the cooking, don't talk to the Tenzo.

[09:36]

You should talk to the Sashin director. So we don't go around criticizing people, even though we may have some critical view. We can express our criticism, we can express that, but we don't express it to the person, we express it to the repository of criticisms. So, we don't want people to feel criticized, whether they're right or wrong. After the meal, the Tenzo always comes to me and says, I made him do this, they say, well, and I say,

[10:43]

I don't say, I like it or don't like it, I say, what did you think about it? Then I tell them what I think about it. But it's not a criticism. I just say, this is my opinion. I don't say this is the right way or this is the wrong way. This is my opinion, my feeling, what I like. So during Sashin, because our attention is so highly focused and narrowly focused, and our sensitivity is heightened. It's easy to be bothered by little acts of our neighbors.

[11:52]

You know, we don't like the way that somebody does something, you know, or we feel bothered, you know, by somebody else. In some way, it's just simply our sensitivity. ordinarily it wouldn't bother us. But things tend to be exaggerated in Sashin. Our consciousness tends to be exaggerated. So in the same way, you know, like we exaggerate the feelings that we have in our body. like the pain in our legs, for instance, gets exaggerated by our thinking. We grasp onto it with our attention and then the mind tends to exaggerate and make a problem.

[12:55]

So we should be careful of this and realize that our mind is making a problem. the way we attach to our feelings creates a problem. So, you know, with good attention, but with a relaxed ease, ease, is, should be the atmosphere, the zendo. There are some zendos, you know, where they pump up the energy you know, going around hitting you all the time and shouting and pushing you and so forth. I don't criticize that. That's okay. But the atmosphere in arsendo is more good attention, good energy, good effort, but with ease, easy feeling, not tense.

[14:11]

wholehearted and attentive and harmonious. Today, I want to talk about this koan.

[15:18]

Yesterday's koan was case number 35 in the Mumon koan. and Goso's koan to his students about Seijo and her divided self. Today, the next koan is Case 36, which is also a koan involving Goso. And it has a similar theme, matter of fact. But on the surface, you have to go beneath the surface to see the similar theme. So case 36 is entitled something like, when you meet a person of the way, how do you meet a person of the way?

[16:21]

I would call it a wayfarer. He says a man, but I don't want to use the word man. So we're not men or women. We're persons. So when you meet a person or a wayfarer of the way, Koso says, when you meet a person of the way on the path, do not meet that person with words or with silence. Tell me, how will you meet that person? And then Mumban, in his comments, says, in such a case, if you can manage an intimate meeting with that person, it will certainly be gratifying. But if you cannot, you must be watchful in every way. And then in his verse, he says, meeting a person on the way on the road, meet that person with neither words nor silence.

[17:26]

A punch on the jaw. understand if you can directly understand. So you say well you should meet that maybe you can meet that person with a punch on the jaw. So what does it mean to meet a person on the way? Who is a person of the way? You are a person of the way. How do you meet yourself? Before you can meet somebody else, you have to be able to meet yourself. So we meet people and each other as wayfarers, but with what do we meet each other? And who is this person who meets the wayfarer?

[18:30]

So this is not so different than the other koan. How do you meet yourself? Do you meet with Buddha or do you meet with self? and without speech or silence. How do you meet without speech or silence? So this kind of goes back and forth, you know. Tozan, when he was crossing the stream, looked down the stream and he saw his reflection in the stream. And he realized

[19:39]

that he was seeing himself in the stream or he was seeing the stream as himself. So where do we come from where we meet ourself? How do we meet ourself? This person of the way. This person of the way is Bodhisattva. But this person of the way is also this person.

[20:45]

What is the appropriate response? A person of the way can be some great teacher, or can be a new student, or can be someone who's not even aware of the way. Sometimes I say you should treat everyone as Buddha.

[21:59]

or meet everyone as Buddha. At Tassajara, our monastic practice, whenever we meet somebody, we bow. We always bow. And so you're bowing to people all day long, wherever you meet. You don't have to say anything. It's a kind of silent speech. You don't have to think up something. You don't have to contrive anything. You simply let go of everything, what it is about. The bow is when you bring together two sides, Buddha and sentient beings.

[23:10]

Your Buddha side and your sentient being side come together and meet. This is how you meet yourself. And when you can meet yourself, you can meet others in a true place. So this is Buddha, Bodhisattva Arhat, Pratyekabuddha and Deva. And this is human being, animal, fighting demon, hell, and hungry ghost. And this is called unification, bringing everything together at the center of gravity and unifying the universe, unifying the world.

[24:29]

So this is where we meet ourselves. The Buddha side and the perfect side and the imperfect side come together. But there are many ways to meet. Without using speech or without using silence means that you can use speech freely. You can use silent speech freely. Within your silence is speech. And within your speech is silence. If your speech doesn't contain silence, it's not true speech. you should look for the silence within your speech. Otherwise it's just maybe jabbering.

[25:39]

We find something to say just to, so we don't have to dance from one foot to the other. And we've become very good at it. There are these, sometimes people are in a group and talking, and then suddenly everything stops. The connect, the link is broken. Everybody stops, and then there's this embarrassing silence. But there's no need to be embarrassed. Just sink into the silence. It's wonderful. But we have this thing going all the time, this dialogue, monologue going all the time, which sustains our busy mind.

[26:44]

And so we depend on that. But actually, it's not necessary to depend on it. Break the connection. just sitting in silence, the wonderful thundering silence. So he says, In such a case, if you can manage an intimate meeting with that person, it will certainly be gratifying. Intimate is the right word. This is to be intimate with yourself. You've probably heard that many times. Be intimate with yourself. If we can be intimate with ourself, then we can be intimate with others without intruding. because we stand in the same place.

[27:53]

But he says if you can't, then you should be watchful. If you can't do that, you should make some effort. Be aware, be aware that that's that something's missing. Then he says in the verse, meeting a person of the way on the road. So on the road is like everything, everyone is moving. Everyone's on the path. And of course, meeting yourself. In the metta meditation, you first meet yourself.

[29:02]

The first order of metta meditation is to meet yourself. We say, or it says, project love toward yourself and acceptance. it may be better to say meet yourself, bring those disparate parts of yourself together and meet them and accept them and merge them and project metta toward yourself as self-acceptance. then you can project love or metta on someone who you know but not someone that you have desire for because metta

[30:09]

You project metta on someone who you don't know, just a stranger. Then you project metta on someone who is an enemy or someone you don't really like very much. That's one of the more difficult ones. The most difficult one is the first one, actually. We think, well, you know, the difficult one is the enemy, to actually project metta to someone who you totally dislike. But actually the hard one is to accept yourself. But when you can accept yourself, then you can project metta to the others. So you establish it with yourself first. before you project to anyone else. This is metta meditation.

[31:17]

And then you can continue and project it to the world or the universe and so forth. But acceptance of yourself, merging with self, unifying self becomes the first step. So it means that you have to forgive yourself, look at all of your shortcomings and the things that you don't like about yourself and things that you have buried and all that, and come to terms with yourself. then you can meet anyone because you are standing in the center of gravity. So he says, meeting a person of the way on the road, meet that person with neither words nor silence, a punch on the jaw.

[32:26]

Punch on the jaw simply means intimacy. or vitality, to meet with some kind of vitality, true vitality, so that it's not simply dead. Coming back to our formal practice, in the formal practice it looks like we do something over and over again. We come into Zen Do and we bow to the cushion and we do all these things that are formal practice and it looks like we're repeating them. But if you think that you're repeating them, then the practice is dead. Every moment, every activity is a new activity. Every time you bow to the cushion, it's an activity which you've never done before. That's the spirit in which you have to practice, the formal practice.

[33:32]

Every time you bow to the cushion, you've never done that before. It's a whole new experience. Every time you sit and cross your legs, you've never done that before. It's a whole new experience. Every time you chant the sutra, you've never done it before. It's a whole new experience. This is why it's good to pass out the sutra cards and read the sutra card. That's what we always used to do at Sokoji. Even though we never said memorize the sutra, we always passed out the sutra cards because it's a new experience. Chanting the sutra every time was a new experience, not something that you knew. I never asked people to memorize the sutra. People do it. And we always hand out sutra cards and some people are very good at memorizing, some people are not so good at memorizing.

[34:34]

And the ones that are good at memorizing feel pretty proud of the fact that they can memorize. So when you pass out the sutra cards and everybody chants the same, reading the sutra card, whether you memorize it or not, we're all on the same level. It's all brand new. You're not holding anything. Well, I don't prefer either way. It's okay to not use them, actually. But as long as we don't feel proud of the fact. But new people don't know how to hold a card because they don't see people doing that. Instead of holding the card up. So holding the card up is part of practice. That's how you practice with the card. There's a way to hold the card, you know, and hold it up and, you know, your whole full attention is on chanting that way.

[35:46]

Instead of... But when we chant, our whole body and mind should be present. When you're in Kokyo, you should project, you're announcing the sutra to the world, you know, Maha Prajnaparamita Sutra. And then the dog goes, ding. It's not that bad. It's just my exaggeration to make a point. Sometimes it is though. So, you know, the Kokyo has to inspire everybody and let go, you know, just let go and project. And then when the bell has just the right resonance, it picks up where the Kokyo left off, and then everyone joins into that spirit.

[37:00]

So it's very important, you know, the spirit of the Kokyo and the spirit of the Doan on the bell. following up, not to make a bang big sound, but to coax a big sound out of the bell without hitting it. And for the Kokuyo to project without yelling or shouting. So when the sound comes from here, from the center of gravity, then that brings that out in everybody else. And when that happens, it's an experience that never happened before. It's all totally brand new. And then the moment comes to life.

[38:03]

So I used to teach the bells and the Kokyo by technique, but actually it's not technique, it's spirit. With what spirit do you make this happen? If you have the right spirit, then you'll find the technique. But if you just work on the technique without the spirit it will never work. So you can try to perfect the technique, you know, but that's not it. It's not perfecting. It's not technical perfection. Spirit, strong spirit.

[39:15]

Without that, there's no Zen practice. It's just kind of going through the motions. So, punch on the jaw, bringing vitality to the situation, opening up the vital point. Then he says, understand if you can, if you can directly understand. You have a question?

[40:20]

Peter? Do people fear vitality? Some people, yeah. Why? For different reasons. If you ask me, does so-and-so fear vitality, I might be able to answer, but to say why as a general statement, pretty hard. But we don't like being exposed. Often we don't like being exposed. And when the vitality, when that vitality is there, it means that exposed with no cover. So often we hide under a cover, you know, and sometimes we're just suppressed.

[41:32]

And it takes, you know, like if you are not used to hearing your own voice and then someone asks you to be the Kokyo, you're very timid. because you're not used to listening to your own voice or projecting it. And what will people think? My voice is not very good. All this kind of stuff. Or the bells, I'm not very good. What will people think if I make a mistake? I remember one jazz musician in the 50s, he said, Well, I play pretty well, you know, but sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes I make real big mistakes. And when I make big mistakes, I make them real big. But, you know, it's okay. When you make a mistake, make it real big. Expose yourself.

[42:35]

We love people who make big mistakes and expose themselves. I wanted to know what you meant by meeting someone or meeting yourself. Did you basically say that that's projecting metta, what you meant by meeting? Well, in that sense, when I was talking about metta, mitta, metta. Meeting yourself in that sense means accepting all the parts of you. But meeting yourself means letting go of yourself. Letting go of small self so that you can meet big self.

[43:42]

So small self is very critical but big self is not critical. Big self is embracing and understanding. Small self is divisive and critical and suspicious and unaccepting. But Big Self sees beyond all that. So Big Self is like

[44:56]

the lion that goes for the whole being. I've used this analogy before. When you shake a stick at a dog, the dog barks at the stick and you can lead the dog all around the nose. But when you shake a stick at the lion, the lion goes for the person. So this is big mind, you know. Big mind doesn't get caught up in all the discrimination. Just sees food. What? Just sees lunch. Just sees lunch in one gulp. Swallows the whole lunch in one gulp. You can meet a student of the way, or you can meet a teacher of the way, and even if someone is not aware of the way, that's also meeting someone of the way.

[46:15]

I understand if a teacher of the way is not self-conscious, so in a sense is unaware of the way, but is in the way. that I think maybe you met even meeting someone who's not aware of the way. Yeah, that's what I meant. I meant, you know, like the Taliban, you know, is on the way, but they're kind of far behind. Still on the way. On the way to where? To Morocco. I'm sorry, to Rio. You're not old enough to know that one. You know, everyone is seeking something. whether they know it or not. So we say that some people practice the way, some people practice Buddhism, some people understand it in various ways, and those people who are outside of the way are really not outside.

[47:27]

They're outside in a sense, but we still treat them as people of the way. Whereas most, rather than being divisive, impeding one discipline or religion against another, we just accept them all as people of the way. Actually, people are the way beyond Buddhism. So as Buddhists, it means that you have to be beyond Buddhism.

[48:32]

Otherwise, if you're only a Buddhist, you're not really a Buddhist. That's my proclamation. You have to go beyond being a Buddhist. But it's OK to be a Buddhist. But if you're stuck in Buddhism, then it's a problem. But as my old teacher used to say, Buddhism is not perfect. That's why it's so wonderful. Wouldn't look like anything. Everybody would just do what they do. But they'd do it all... perfectly.

[49:33]

Without thinking, this is perfect.

[49:36]

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