That's funny. I came back seven years later with a better understanding.

[01:15]

Maybe I should go away. This morning I want to read a little bit from Dogen's Bendora. question, and it's in the form of So it goes like this.

[03:31]

Should zazen be practiced by lay men and women, or should it be practiced by homelingers or monks alone? And he says, in understanding Buddhadharma, men and women, noble and common And then the next question is, home leavers or monks are free from various involvements and do not have hindrances. meaning in the realm of non-attachment to things.

[04:38]

And so Dogen answers this way. He says, Buddha ancestors, out of their kindness, have opened the wide gate of compassion in order to allow all sentient beings to enter realization. Who among humans and heavenly beings cannot enter? If you investigate olden times, the examples are many. To begin with, emperors Daizong and Shunzong in China, had many obligations on the throne. Nevertheless, they practiced zazen in pursuit of the way and penetrated the great way of Buddha ancestors. Ministers Li and Fang both closely served their emperors, but they practiced zazen, pursued the way, and entered realization in the great way of Buddha ancestors. This just depends on whether you have the willingness or not. It does not matter whether you are a lay person or a home leaver. Those who can discern excellence invariably come to this practice. Those who regard worldly affairs as a hindrance to Buddhadharma only think that there is no Buddhadharma in the secular world and do not understand that there is no secular world in the Buddhadharma.

[05:53]

Recently, there was a high official of great song. There was a high official of the Great Song, Minister Feng, who was advanced in the ancestors' way. He once wrote a poem concerning himself. I enjoy zazen between my official duties and seldom sleep lying on a bed. Although I appear to be a minister, I'm known as a Buddhist elder throughout the country. Although he was busy in his official duties, he attained the way because he had a deep intention toward the Buddha way. Considering someone like him, you should reflect on yourself and illuminate the present with the past. In Song China, kings and ministers, officials and common people, men and women, kept their intention on the ancestor's way. Both warriors and literary people aroused the intention to practice Zen and study the way. Among those who aroused their intention, many of them illuminated their mind ground

[07:01]

From this you know that worldly duties do not enter the Buddha-dharma. If the Buddha's true teaching is spread widely in the nation, the rule of the king is peaceful because all Buddhas and devas protect it unceasingly. If the rule is peaceful, the Buddha's teaching gains power. When Shakyamuni Buddha was alive, even those woodcutters attain realization. If it is so for them, it is so for others. You should just seek the teaching of an authentic master." So this is a very optimistic, generous statement of Dogen. About our practice later, Dogen became more Monastic. And the fact that he chose to concentrate on monastic practice doesn't invalidate his statement.

[09:00]

I think because of Dogen's particular temperament and his ideal and what he was trying to do in the short period of a lifetime, led him to that concentrated path. But I think out of this Keizan Zenji, who is the last person in our Buddhism, we pay respect to in our Buddhist ancestors lineage.

[10:07]

And of course, out of Buddha's understanding, because in Buddhism, Buddhism has always been for lay people and monks equally, even though sometimes emphasis is on one side or another. Through the history of 25 years, 100 years, emphasis has sometimes been one way and sometimes the other. But both have always existed side by side. But this is a wonderfully encouraging statement. It talks about the emperors and about the advisors and people of status who are very busy, have very busy lives, still find time to practice zazen because they want to. The only reason is because they want to. Why do we practice zazen?

[11:31]

And who can do it? Anybody can do it, if they want to. But wanting to is the important ingredient. There's an old statement, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. So you have to You have to want to drink the water. So the practice that we have is a kind of mixed practice of lay people and priests. sort of half and half.

[12:33]

I feel equally at home when I'm in the monastery or practicing here. And I enjoy both ways of practice. So, I think we're going to buy a house and move outside. It's in a little ways. So, I'll be commuting like most of you do. by the way, we go to San Francisco.

[13:56]

Sometimes we go on, we used to have four or nine days, four or nine days off every day with a four or a nine. This is the old monastic practice. And so every fifth day is a day off instead of Saturday and Sunday. So sometimes we forget that it was a four or a nine. So now I'm going to be in a position, I think we'll probably do this within the next couple of months, and I'll be in a position of finding a new way to practice. I'll be here every day. I have to come every day. And I'll be here just as much as I always have. Maybe more in some ways.

[14:57]

no matter how our life changes. It's one thing to find a kind of comfortable way to practice, but when things change, when circumstances in our life change, how do we continue? And some people get thrown off by because they're so used to things being a certain way that they can't adapt themselves to a change. And it's very important for us to be able to adapt ourselves to a change. That's what practice is actually all about, because life is always changing. Our life is constantly changing. Sometimes it changes in little ways, and then sometimes it changes in a big way.

[16:13]

And when it changes in a big way, use that change as a way of practicing, and to find out how to practice within that change. So that's lay practice, but it's also omniscience practice. But it would make some effect, I think. Even though I'll be here. So in a sense, you know, my life is happy.

[17:46]

of the way, and at the same time, coping and living the world without being caught by worldly desires, without being attached to anything. which are called responsibilities. So responsibility is a kind of attachment. But there's attachment and clean. There's responsibility and there's clean. So we talk about non-grasping, the freedom to take responsibility and to respond to things, the responsibility, without clinging or grasping, to be able to move through life and through life's situations.

[19:48]

and to come out transformed and unscathed. To move freely through life. To really move freely through life. Without clinging to anything. Sometimes it's hard to let go of something. But we have to. So our life is full of decisions.

[20:59]

which we do once a month. Bodhisattva ceremony is where we acknowledge our karma, karmic activity, and renew our intentions. It's a way of focusing on, we're doing this all the time. We're constantly creating action which creates attachment. being mindful of how our thought process is working, how our bodily action is working, how our feelings, what feelings are, the stream of feelings.

[22:37]

Yesterday I was listening to Thich Nhat Hanh. He was talking about the five streams, the five rivers. feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness. And there's the stream of and a stream of mental formations, thoughts, which is constantly transforming.

[23:44]

And then there's consciousness, which is always aware of, which is mental states, constantly changing. And these five are flowing together, five streams flowing together. and interacting, and harmonizing, and supporting each other, and getting confused with each other. And to be aware of these five streams is meditation practice in our daily lives, to always know Which is wonderful, because it allows something to happen.

[24:53]

If things were not impermanent, nothing would happen. So it's kind of two-edged. Because everything is impermanent, we suffer. But because it's impermanent, we also are in nirvana. Impermanence is nirvana. is suffering. And freedom is nirvana. And they go together in one piece. And nirvana appears in samsara, in the realm of constantly changing elements. So learning how to deal, how to live our life in this way is a kind of an art.

[26:37]

Not an art, but not art of Zen. If you practice it, then it becomes easier. You know, when we get into trouble, we run to somebody and we say, how can I get out of this? You could do it, you know. You run into somebody and you say, I'm suffering because someone sort of died, or somebody left me, or my life savings have gone, or something. And then you come to somebody and say, how can I deal with this? And they'll tell you, and it's probably a good way. So someone may tell you something which is just, don't be attached.

[27:51]

You say, oh, that's a good idea, but you can't do it. Because you haven't been practicing non-attachment. The advice is right. It's too big for us to encompass, for us to deal with. life's changes. I have a question.

[29:04]

Sometimes something can be very hard and it's very difficult to know when it's important to stay with something that's so hard and when it's time to let go. How do you know that? What's a good question? Sometimes it's very important to stay with something that's very difficult even to like or practice. Generalize, right? Because if you generalize, if I give you an answer which is generalization, then when you do what I say, when you come back to me and say, what did you say? It'll work. But in a sense, you know, you can't really give up anything.

[30:05]

I mean, you can't stop doing something. if it's real. And if it's not real, you can't continue with it. So the main thing is to find out what's real. And, you know, if you feel that what you're doing, what you have is not real, then you can give it up. In a way, you don't have to give it up, it sort of walks away. Right, there's a certain part of what you see. You know? You wake up one morning and... You kind of know what to do. But sometimes even though you know what to do, you keep... But I think that point does come. It usually comes when you know. And you can follow the sign or not. I remember a couple of years ago, things seemed like my life was a bad situation.

[31:21]

So I left, and I went to Green Gulch. And I lived in Green Gulch. And then about four months into Green Gulch, I found myself thinking, God, if I could just get away for a couple of days, you know? And I thought, well, I already did. Here I am. And I think what I realized is that wherever I go, I take me with me. was a question that comes up sometimes, you know, which is a question about, sometimes if you read about Zen, it sounds very grandiose in some way, you know, realization and You kind of say, well, when is that going to happen?

[32:24]

But that kind of question comes from your head, thinking. When you enter into a practice through your heart, because you dwell where your heart is. If you're dwelling where your heart is, it's not a problem. But if you're dwelling in your head, it's a problem, because we cling to words, and the words give us a kind of picture, and then we try to match the picture. And we say, well, this isn't matching my picture that's in my mind. But when your heart is, when you enter practice through your heart, then you're always there. And when you're always there, it's not a problem. No matter what's happening. Even though there's a problem, it's not a problem in that sense.

[33:28]

We always have a problem. There's always a problem. No matter, you know, it's like thoughts. You get rid of one thought, another thought takes its place, right? It's like digging a hole another problem. But even though we're scooping the sand, we can make a tunnel and meet this tunnel one. We do make progress, but something is always a problem. So whenever we get rid of one, another one is fixing us. And so, when you read the book, it looks like all problems will be solved. there will not be any more problems after you get enlightened. Or if you do this practice, you will no longer have any problems because you'll be in the realm of the Tathagatas. But, you know, that's because of our idea in here.

[34:44]

You always know where you're at, even though your mind may be confused. This may be a little bit abstract, but when you're engaged in your attachment wholeheartedly, then is there some kind of realization or emancipation there. There is, actually. So when you do everything half-heartedly, you may change, but your change will also be half-heartedly.

[35:57]

You may, you know, you're emerging maybe in a realm of evil or delusion, you know. There's a purity about it, which is, it's wholeheartedness. Is there a little bit of danger in that kind of conversion? because there's a little bit of danger when you get to be too zealous. You close out everything that fit in your trap. Well, you can either be like this or you can be like this. But, um... There's always danger everywhere.

[37:53]

Everywhere there's danger. The world's a dangerous place. Especially if you're wholehearted. Even if you're wholehearted. But, you know, it's also saying it's better to have love completely lost than not to have love at all. So, what's the danger? Danger is that you never really come to life. That's the biggest danger. You have to lay out the dangers. I wouldn't want to be like Paul.

[38:57]

No. Also you have to choose your suffering. Because we tend to choose So what makes us happy also makes us unhappy in some way. So when we go to choose what we want that's going to make us happy, we should also look at the other side and see, well, what kind of unhappiness is that going to bring? We may not be able to see it, but if you look, you might be able to see it. And then you can base your choice on that. Am I willing to accept this along with this? Because whatever we do has a limitation.

[40:01]

Whenever we choose, we create a limitation for ourselves. And we have to be willing to... You know, I think there's, I was just thinking about what you said, there's this problem, I mean, that everything is dangerous, but there is a danger also in the, sort of going from one extreme to another extreme, you know, because in the example of Paul, he became one of the most dogmatic, I mean, he was the one who said, well, salvation only through Christ, right?

[41:16]

You can trust me. So, going from totally anti-Christ to being totally, you know, only through Christ, which led to a lot of dogmatism, you know, from the part of the Catholic Church. A lot of suffering for other people besides themselves. Right. Yeah, the Catholics tend to kill people in order to, you know, in the name of Christ. Not even necessarily physically, literally, but sort of, you know. But you can't finish it unless you go fully into it. Yeah, unless you go fully into it, you know, whatever, I'm not saying whether or not he's right or wrong. And how can you believe in others if they're not?

[42:40]

But anything that's dangerous is also dangerous because it's very powerful. So anything very powerful I had a story of someone that I was doing some therapy with, and she had loved to shop so much that she had written many bad checks to Seattle and got in trouble with the law.

[44:28]

And so finally, when she started talking about it, I said, you're not shopping enough. You're not enjoying it enough. You feel guilty when you shop, and like you shouldn't do it, but it's really your way of saying that you love yourself, and you need to do it. and you need to bring in what you shop for to me and show me so I can look at it too." She said, but if I do that, I won't ever be able to leave home. I said, well, you're not ready. You know, you have to keep shopping and when you're done shopping, then you'll save your money and leave home. So the next week she came in and I said, where is it? She said, I didn't want to shop anymore. There was no, you know, she had had the permission to go ahead and do it fully Sentient beings are numberless.

[45:58]

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