Did you get a lesson on how to operate that machine? I had to learn by doing. Yeah, I was supposed to join you in the lesson so I could explain in Austria how to do it. But if you're the only one to know, you have to come with me. Okay. Oh, you can teach Gerhard. Was she going to Rostenberg? Oh, good. You can learn, too. We can all record each other. Okay. We're already realities, so why ask a question, what is reality? If it's that simple, you're enlightened.

[01:01]

I watched our little daughter, Sophia, who just turned three a couple of months ago. And her version of the question of what is reality... Which she asks every moment. What is it to be an adult? She is consumed by the idea that it's... will be possible to be an adult. Wait till she gets there. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

[02:03]

Sorry? That's an expression which means it doesn't live up to its expectations. You become an adult and you think Really, is this what it was all about? And then you wonder for many years, decades, if you're grown up yet. If you're an adult or not. But We couldn't disillusion Sophia about the advantages of being an adult. She's consumed by doing things better, knowing she can do things better, knowing she can learn things and so forth.

[03:08]

So she is in the midst of a question all the time. And then she is extremely dependent on her mother. She thinks her mother is just the most glorious thing that's ever happened. She's not so sure about me. But at the same time, she definitely wants to be independent from her mother. And she'll drive her mother to distraction sometimes to show how independent she is. These are also very basic versions of the question of what is reality. What is dependency? What is independence? And it's a constant question for us too. How much do we need?

[04:27]

Dependency, independency, independence. And the five fears are versions of this question of dependency and independence. The fear of loss of livelihood. The fear of loss of reputation. The fear of death. And if you're a practitioner, the fear of unusual states of mind, and more simply of going crazy and things like that, and the fear of, as you know, speaking before an assembly, or willing to discover things

[05:36]

What is the truth and living the truth? And having the courage and independence of your own separateness. Courage and? and independence of your own separateness. And first of all, free of the fear of loss of livelihood and reputation. It doesn't mean you are concerned with your livelihood. But it means you aren't controlled by your livelihood.

[06:56]

Okay. So I'm just again trying to illustrate how we are actually always involved in some kind of question. Which can be understood as versions of what is our reality. Or even, is there a reality? And the process of... Koan practice and gate phrases. Yeah. Because it's a kind of technique.

[08:00]

It's not so easy to know how to ask questions. Sukhiroshi always talked about how practice was rooted in your innermost request. I don't know if there's a term for innermost request. It's okay. Okay, I was just paratactic for a moment. But it's not easy to discover your inmost or innermost request. Or to have the courage of your inmost request.

[09:11]

But that also is the question, what is your reality? Aber das ist eben auch die Frage von, was ist deine Realität? What do you want your reality to be? Wie sollte deine Realität aussehen oder sein? So in this sense of questioning, any phrase or statement is a question if it's not attached to a story. Again, please. Any phrase, practically, is a question if it's not attached to a story. I mean, I heard some song on the radio that day.

[10:13]

All it said over and over again is, I can't turn around, I can't look around, or something like that. It's a statement, but it's basically a question, it's a mantra. If I say to myself, I can't turn around, I can't turn around, it's in effect a question, why can't I turn around? So such mantra-like popular songs, which are common... allow all the listeners to bring their own story to why they can't turn around. And koans use phrases in the same way. It's not clear what story or meaning is attached.

[11:35]

Or many stories are attached. Or how many? Or possible? And if there are many possible stories to explain a phrase, then it's a question. So in that sense, Buddhism is rooted in the quest of questioning. Yeah, quest means to seek and to find. And questions are, if you can find through a series of questioning, it opens up your thinking. Real thinking is rooted in the process of questioning.

[12:39]

And It can be like an acupuncture needle. Or it can be like massage. So questioning or can massage something to the surface or can root point right into something like shatsu or acupuncture. Yes, so now I've only been this morning so far speaking about really this process of questioning itself. and so now I'd like some questions from you or comments or statements with many stories possible because we are in this mutual space and we take everyone who lives here takes care of this building so it becomes this mutual space for us

[14:05]

So we can do just what we're doing just now. So anybody has something to say, I'd be happy. You spoke of a state of mind You spoke about reality which is independent from our inborn culture That means a state of mind which is not influenced by it Is this a state of mind which goes parallel, or is it something to which you go back to my experiences?

[15:20]

But the culture is so strong that I'm again and again overwhelmed by it. Your personal culture, your society's culture, your life, yeah. You're too big to be overwhelmed, but go ahead. Sometimes that happens. I am not being brought out of my state of mind. In any situation. Perhaps you can speak more about it. Which part? Do you have a specific question in there somewhere? The question is... Do I return to something or is it parallel to?

[16:37]

How do I practice the state of mind which is not imprinted by culture? Imprinted and intimidated by culture. Really? That's interesting. Impressed or something. Okay. Anybody else have some easy questions? No, no, it's all right. I won't give up. But Judith wants to say something, yes?

[17:39]

I have a question. Is this state of mind only possible to attain in Zazen or is it possible to have it kind of go parallel to everyday life? It's the same question. I can't escape. Anyone else? Okay. Oh, there's one. No, no, I don't... Is it the same question? My children are 12 now. They have been baptized. I go with them to the Evangelical church and try to explain these different realities. They ask me, when I come here, do I come back naked? How does your mother live? How can I connect it?

[18:41]

It's the same as last night's parents' meeting. Okay, so my children are 12 years old. They're twins. And they're both 12. And they're both 12. I don't want to start with any assumptions. And they just wanted to be and got baptized. And so since recently... I do baptisms, by the way, if you want. Okay. So since recently I'm going to Protestant church with my kids. I really have this question, what do I do with those two realities? And my kids say, oh, you're going there again and will you come back? I was shaved-headed. And she really understands what you experienced last night at that parents' evening.

[19:47]

Yeah. birds are singing, there's a parallel reality. Well, the question that all three of you are asking is, particularly Yiddish and Kerala, is, you know, a background or part of what we're talking about. It's not only in Sazen. But it's first, usually first noticed in zazen.

[20:57]

Or rather, you start zazen because you notice something, but you can't, you sense something, but you can't, for most of it, sustain the experience. And that's probably why you could say that the decision to practice is usually rooted in an enlightenment experience or a taste of enlightenment. Maybe enlightenment is too big a word. We can say a realization experience. And Dogen very clearly says the decision to practice is a realization experience. And then something like we could call true practice is opening up that

[22:07]

initial realization experience. So there would be a question, is my practice opening up my initial realization experience. If you lose the sense of questioning in your practice, you usually lose your practice. The sense of the practice of Questioning is probably the only thing that will get you through the long, boring years of Zazen practice. Or sometimes. So to be able to see things in terms of Questioning, or what Buddhism calls the great doubt.

[23:35]

When you just take a walk, you're in a sense questioning, is the ground going to be there, particularly if it's rocky or something like that. And the more you bring that questioning to the fore, even your simple walk in the woods has a kind of wonderful aliveness as you step here and there. So in zazen we may first notice this more clearly and be able to enter into the experience more. Clearly.

[24:49]

Now, all I'm saying here, this is, I don't know how to answer your two questions, but all I'm saying here is you, there is, yeah, no, you're not saying, in Zazen I'm free of culture and in my, no, but there's some difference. There's some difference between being here and... Yeah, being at work or at home. There's some difference between camping, going camping in the mountains for a few days and being at home. Or being on vacation.

[25:51]

No, we wouldn't want those differences to disappear. It ought to make a difference if you're in the mountains or on the beach or somewhere. But if people ask me about practice, sometimes I say, what's it like? They ask me, I say, well, it's like always being on vacation. You go on vacation, you say, why should I leave this? Sometimes you go on vacation, you get the flu and fight with your spouse. But sometimes you go on vacation, it's really a lot of fun. Yeah, and why should you leave this state of mind back there at the beach? That's another question.

[27:09]

What is reality? Is it dependent on the beach or is it dependent on me? Now, as I've often pointed out, all Buddhist temples in Japan and China are called mountains, even if they're in downtown Tokyo. Because mountains represent that feeling you often have in the mountains. And the feeling anyway of being in some way free of your culture. You're living in Crestone, you know, it's, Crestone is, the mountain is 14,300 feet or something like that.

[28:14]

And where the center is at 8,600 feet. Yeah, and that's already pretty high. But the mountain is like in another world. And it's always apparent. It's in another world of winds, storms, and stuff. And somehow you feel that difference even at the center. You live that difference simultaneously even at the center. Oh, dear. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just don't know how far I should get into this, because this is an entire book on Buddhism. I suppose once, at some point, part of what you realize is an alternative to your usual way of looking at usual habits.

[29:47]

It's partly not, again, sorry. One of the things you recognize is you experience things as an alternative to, as limited or unlimited. But that's really intellectually a quite simplistic view. And as an experience, it's fairly simple. And it's clearly a view then influenced by your culture. D.T. Suzuki makes this, I think, mistake in much of his writings. Japanese or Asian yoga culture is non-dual and the West is dual.

[30:59]

This is it. fairly useless simplification, I think. But if, as Gerald brought up, there's no way you're not somewhat influenced by your culture. And if you're free of your culture, let's just, I'm just using these as phrases, If you're free of your culture, it's a version of what kind of freedom is possible in being free of your culture. But it's also possible to be free in a way that's not just the alternative to your culture. And now I'll just try to finish with saying something fairly simple.

[32:19]

Which is, Probably the easiest way is to feel the difference in your body. The more experienced you are in practice, the more you can establish in your body, in effect, the mind and worldview you want to live. you learn the feeling. That's what yoga means in a way. You learn the feeling in your zazen practice. And then you can keep that feeling, sustain, live that feeling even in the midst of your activity.

[33:30]

And you learn various ways to do it. You breathe into it. You unhook your breathing from your emotions. That's one of the key yogic skills. Most of us, normally, if you have certain emotions, your breathing gets faster if you're anxious, etc., But the practice of one of the depths of mindfulness practice is that, you know, you're angry, simple example, you're angry and you notice you're angry and then you're more angry and then you're less angry, etc.

[34:49]

But technically that's only possible when your breath is unhooked from your emotion of anger. If your breath gets mixed up with your anxiety and your anger, you have no mindfulness anymore. So one of the purposes, if there is, of mindfulness practice is to make use of anger or fear to show you you can free your breath from your anger or fear. And if you do that, your mind will stay with your breath and not go with the anger or fear.

[36:03]

So a person with imperturbable mind or something like that, their breath is always going along pretty much the same, and they have various feelings, but the breath has a different rhythm than the mind and the feelings. So again, you can have a bodily sense, breath sense of this. More connected and simultaneously independent reality. Both more connected and more independent. From reality. more connected and more independent.

[37:17]

Yeah, I don't know. That's enough. Whatever you said is just probably nearly perfect. Another secret is, one is your breath. Another is the pace of the world. The pace of how things actually exist. The pace of the living presence of things. So, the pace of these birds. Not the pace of your thinking, but the pace of the birds. The pace of the feeling in this room is more basic than what I might think, or I adjust the pace of my thinking to the pace of the feeling in this room.

[38:22]

Sorry. I'm always troubled with the pace that the word is not... It's hard to translate, yeah. Yeah. Schritt. Geschwindigkeit. Christian translates with speed. Schritt ist besser. We need a musical term. Rhythm. Rhythm, beat, but that's not the same. Anyway, say pace. Schritt, I would say. Schritt, all right. Step. Yeah, the step, to be in step with, maybe that's okay. Okay. Okay. So we've lost something, so that your pace and the room's pace... That my thinking... I adjust my thinking to the pace I feel in the room. I don't let my thinking establish its own pace. Okay, so that's enough for your two questions, I think, as much as I want to do anyway.

[39:41]

I don't know. We baptized, Christianized Sophia, too, for her family situation. I didn't do it for my first two daughters. Because no one cared, so we didn't do it. But I think if you live what you feel, they're going to live what their peers feel and other things, and who knows what will happen. I just feel you give them their own choice and you make your own choice. And you see what will happen. Marie-Louise tells me she went to a Catholic boarding school.

[41:03]

The nuns always said that it was your choice whether you went to Mass or not. If you didn't show up, they went looking for you under the bed to see why you were making... Isn't there something you can tell the story? Why are you not making your free choice? Some other questions before we stop? Yes. It's not a question, it's a possible answer to your question. My son Richard went to first grade last year. Two years ago he was ordained to being a Buddhist from you. We shaved his head and everything.

[42:05]

No, we didn't shave his head. So then there was this questionnaire and we had to fill out what confession he has and we left it blank. And when he came home from school, they asked him, well, now, how did you solve it? Which religious class are you participating in? Oh, he said it was so simple, you know.

[43:13]

The Catholic, they wanted to go, and I just wanted to sit, and the Protestant just keeps sitting. Now he gets Protestant theory, theology. And now we just heard this big subject of baptism, sorry. Okay, and the teacher asked, who is baptized from you all kids? So Richie said, yes, I'm also baptized as a Buddhist. I'm ordained as a Buddhist. And the teacher said, ha, so take all of them, they're all Catholic, and they're all baptized. Take all of them. Okay, so the teacher said, oh, then you can all bring a picture from your baptism to your school. And so, Richie, you can bring yours from your ordination, too.

[44:14]

So, Richie also has a little bib like this, you know. I didn't want to give him the bib to school. I thought the photo is just sufficient here. She looked at all the photographs and there were many little babies when they were baptized. Then the picture of Richie in this big sangha and he being the little child there. She asked him, what does this mean to you? So this is maybe my answer to what is reality. He explained his experience of it. You know, we don't kill any animals, never.

[45:30]

Not even a mosquito. That's when you go into shopping mall or street. And every bum gets that money. Always. And has he converted the teacher yet? And we love human beings, and we love all human beings. And she said, oh, good. So Richie can give the next seminar. So Richie was also quite sad that he wasn't allowed to come here. Yeah, I love Ritchie. It's nice to see him. An experienceable reality. He never asks what is Buddhism or something.

[46:36]

He just kind of, I feel like he grows into it. It's his reality. Thank you. Someone else? I want to say something about these two realities, these different states of mind. To me, it feels sometimes like a curtain, but with cultural things and this everyday mind, it's like a curtain who covers up the other. And sometimes I can open it a little bit, sometimes I can open it wide, sometimes it's difficult to do it, sometimes it's easier to do it. Yeah. Thank you. You know, the name of this... Oh, yes, German, German, German. You know, this temple is called, the Japanese name of it is Genrinji.

[47:47]

Which very simply means black forest temple. But gen also means dark, reddish black. And it means the mysterious female. It means living in two worlds at once. Yeah, so maybe I'll talk more about that after lunch. But it's wonderful how a word just, well, it's Black Forest Temple. Actually, when you look carefully at the verticality of the word, not the horizontality, the verticality of the word, it reaches out in many ways. Yosef? I have a question or an experience concerning what you have said about disconnecting your breath from the emotion.

[49:32]

My experience is that when I disconnect my breath from the emotion, I lower the level, the emotional level. And there might even be a danger in there. because if the emotionality becomes too small, it's just I feel unhealthy So, I asked myself during this exercise to separate the breath from the emotion Then, from my experience, I reduce the emotional outflow This is an experience and a question simultaneously. My experience is the more you breathe, the more emotion you have.

[50:49]

The more you've got the vitality. The more I ask, what does it mean to deeper? Okay. Yeah, thank you for pointing that out, bringing that up. Yes, there is a danger of... I think in psychology it's called dissociation, dissociating yourself from your emotions. And it is the case that some, you know, I think when Zen's badly taught – let's hope we're not doing it today – Practitioners use Zen as a way to suppress their emotions or their self, their feelings. But my experience of what I'm talking about or trying to present

[51:54]

Because I need some, I need some, you know, I need to make some distinctions or make some words. Let's, yeah, so let's say distinguish between emotion and feeling. It's not that there's no connection between the breath and the emotion. And I would say, again, emotions and feelings are just two words, but the range of what emotions are and feelings is much wider than those two words. So, I mean, I think emotions are more fundamental than thinking. Thinking is rooted in emotions, actually.

[53:17]

Thinking is rooted in caring about things. But then there's emotions in the service of self, of self and selfishness. And then there's emotions which are part of our caring about the world and other people. So my, anyway, what I see happening through this practice is, in myself, is my feeling increases. My thinking and knowing is inseparable from feeling.

[54:26]

But it's not emotional or so connected with emotions in a simple sense. And one of the let's say it should be a parallel practice in Zen, is to find that place, often through meditation, where you let yourself, encourage yourself, exaggerate even, that you feel everything, But you don't need to suppress it or overtly express it. So you get in the habit of feeling things completely but knowing you don't have to act on it unless you want to.

[55:50]

So if that's familiar to you then you're really in the habit of you feel things completely, but you don't have to express them. And if you do express them, you express them. You're not out of control or something like that. So, anyway, this is a territory of some You know, one has to have some common sense and develop a kind of basic psychological health. And that's one reason why one should practice, you know, healthy sangha and so forth.

[56:54]

Because these tools of practice are powerful and they can be misused. But in no way meant you should separate yourself from your feelings. But you aren't caught up in the emotion in a way that you're controlled by the emotion. And that occurs when you have this more fundamental sense of an ongoing beingness, more like a like the ocean with waves on it, but you feel the stiller water underneath the waves. So, okay, anyway, thanks for bringing that up.

[57:55]

Yes, Yudhita? Oh, is falling in love more emotional or more feeling? You tell me. I think it's more deceptive and more likely to lead to suffering if it's emotional and not feeling. But falling in love is probably the most dangerous thing we do other than stupid things. But... thankfully falling in love and practicing are in the same territory.

[59:07]

Maybe practice is to fall in love without unrealistic expectations. Maybe we should sit for a moment and then we have our lunch.

[59:43]

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