Yesterday I talked a little bit about kitchen practice. Today I want to talk a little bit about serving practice, how we serve meals. and how we accept meals. I'm not going to introduce anything new, I just want to remind us of what we already know. I'm thinking about how we find the middle way, you know, without setting up something tedious and without setting up something alarming. Those are the two extremes.

[01:24]

Tediousness, and I guess you could call it alarming. Anxiety, setting up an anxiety and setting up a tediousness. They're kind of the same thing in a way. But when we serve food, like especially something like cereal, which comes up in little pieces, we serve a full scoop first. So you take a scoop, and unless the receiver goes like this, you give him the full scoop. If the receiver goes like this, you kind of set up an intimacy. How much would you like?

[02:25]

OK. That doesn't take very long, really. But if you take a little bit and go... It sets up a tediousness. Please get on with it. So the first group is full. But if the receiver doesn't say anything, another full scoop. And then you look at each other, and the receiver says, or. And that's it. Some receivers, like with the water, will be very like this. And a little stream will come out.

[03:28]

And it keeps going on and on. You think, well, it must be full by now. And then you say, OK. And then you look down. It's just a little bit of water. The server will come out and go, shh. And the whole thing will be folded. And you go like this, they don't see it. So you have this bowl full of water. So these are the two extremes. So certain sensitivity is required, you know. Well, not too slow, not too quick to stripe, just like the three bears. We had a question on the servers of, do we actually look in people's eyes or kind of raise our eyes a little bit and be aware?

[04:37]

Well, it depends on what's necessary. You know, sometimes... But usually, body language is important. So to express yourself through body language is really important. And to look for that language. Sometimes the server will not really be looking for what the receiver's intention is. And vice versa. So you have to be able to do this in time so that the server will stop. So those are two extremes. So full scoop first. with the first bowl. And then, if there's no indication, another full scoop. But if you see an indication like this, no matter when it is, then a little bit. And then, go.

[05:38]

So, do I agree with what you said? I would like to say that for this, through experimentation over the last 15 years, I found that if I do a little, it's, they want more, a little more, a little more, So what I've done, and it works pretty well, is not a full scoop, but maybe a half or such, and then slowly, and then as I'm pouring, then they'll say it. And that way I don't have to keep going back. Yeah, well, you know, there's the saying about it, and then there's the actuality. So, there are subtleties. And everyone has their own kind of way of doing things within the system. That's what I would say about it. Do you have something to say?

[06:41]

I'm okay. What about the other side in terms of our signaling? Yes. Because there are different ways people signal as well. Yes, well you have your Setsu or your I'm thinking of a jigsaw, which is what people use now. You know, the spatula. So, you're either holding the spatula or the setsu, or your chopsticks, or your spoon. No. You're just holding the bowl. You're holding the bowl in one hand. And whatever it is you're holding in your right hand. Well, never. Sometimes nothing lasts for seconds. Okay. Perfusion is happening. You should just go on. People are trying to correct you on a minor detail. I know. I don't think it's just a minor detail because I think what people are suggesting is your hand or your satsang.

[07:50]

Your hand or your satsang. Whatever is in your hand or whatever is in your hand. Including nothing. Let's say your hand. But I usually have my set to and I go like this when I want the water to stop. I go like that. Some people go. But I usually just go like that. And that's, you know, respecting the server. You're not trying to, you know, hit the server and touch even John. You're just trying to say, OK, enough. You're just saying, stop. But it's interesting because we all have our own dispositions. And some of us are abrupt. Some of us are smooth. Some of us are rough, you know. But I like to go like that. Some people go, stop. But anyway, these are subtleties. The main thing is you can't get the server to stop.

[08:51]

But yeah, I hold my satsuma in my hand, in my right hand and the bowl in my left hand, and it should stop. But sometimes it's just the hand, sometimes it's the spoon, sometimes it's the chopsticks. With the salad, it's the chopsticks. I'm holding it in my right hand, the bowl in my left hand. When I'm serving people, it's interesting to notice how people cut off the flow of water or food. And I feel like this if someone does this thing with their hand. So then I think, that's just my reaction. This person has an expression in their life that is not the way I do it. And I try not to judge it, but yes, that feeling arises.

[09:58]

I wish they would just do this. What would you suggest on the servers that are the recipient of an abrupt or a too kind of timid movement? I would say rapport. Pardon me? Rapport. It's all about rapport. How we relate to each other. How are we relating to each other? What does the receiver think of the server? And how does the server think about the people that are being served? So, if the server believes that the person that's being served is Buddha, then you respond to that person as you would respond to Buddha. And if the server And when the person being served realizes they're being served by Buddha, then they respond according to what you feel Buddha is.

[10:59]

So you're treating each other as Buddha, the server and served. Respectfully. That the recipient, if they see the server as Buddha, they will... Act accordingly. Act accordingly. But then there's these different expressions. Well, you know, I can't tell anybody what to do. I understand that. But for my own practice, I'm trying to, like, how best to receive something that's not consistent with my view of that sort of quiet, subtle, finessed way. Well, whatever. But. Years ago, he used to really upset me. And now I say, OK, I'm getting this now for the cutoff. And that's OK. I love you anyway. I love you unconditionally. Isn't it so, though, that whatever is happening with the other person, and however they're interpreting, it's their life that they're interpreting this way, and it has very little to do with me.

[12:27]

And there may be an interaction happening, but it is also then, if there is that rapport, as you were saying, then I have to be responsible for my side of it, I'm responsible for how I take it, too. Yes, that's right. It's all our own responsibility. Yeah. So, I mean, I can understand, because this actually, interestingly enough, this has happened to me in this session when I was serving, and somebody was mad at me, personally, and the way that this person was using the spatula was that he was going... And the first time that this happened, it kind of shocked me a little bit, you know? I'm like, wow. But then I realized, you know, that's this person's business. Life is life. Life is like that. We can't control everything. She has to work this out with themselves, you know. And then my responsibility is, what am I doing? That's right. That's your responsibility.

[13:29]

It's like, you know, you present the way to do things, and then people do things the way they do them. So you can't control everything. The same thing with Oryoki. You teach somebody to do Oryoki once, and then they forget everything, and they never learn how to do it. And I used to get very frustrated, you know, when I'd teach people to do Oryoki. But unless you do it every day, over and over again, three times a day, it doesn't get into your bones. So the thing about Oryoki is I mean, one nice thing about it is you wash all the bowls, you know, and everything's taken care of, and you don't have to wash, you know, it's very sweet. But there's a way to do it that's logical. So all the movements are logical, and one movement flows into another in a certain way. It depends on how you hold your hand. This way to put things in, like your utensils in, and then this way to put them in later.

[14:35]

It has a lot to do with how you use your hands. But to teach that, and I expect people to follow that, is difficult. So we just do orioke as best we can. Some people like it, some people don't. But if you do it according to the logic, then you realize that it's like a wonderful flow of movement. And you really enjoy doing orioke because of that wonderful flow of movement and logic. But it'd look crazy if you don't know the logic. Why are we doing things that's formally, you know, duh-duh-duh? But it's the wonderful logic, the way each movement flows into the next, that really makes it a kind of wonderful event. But it's hard to teach, because even though you do teach it, people forget. Unless you do it all over and over. But anyway, we do it anyway, because even though we don't do it perfectly, it's okay. I used to do that.

[15:42]

I've been asking you to do an ariyoki lesson for many years actually. I asked you many years ago when I was the scene director and you said you would and then you never did. I used to do it before that. I know, but... You know, Dali used to love, and that's what came back to me after so many years of not being here, She used to really thrive on the way that she folded, you know, the little cloth and all of that. And that came back, it's like, ah, golly, you know, and it was like she was here. Well, I think the way to do that is to have different people, you know, people who can do it well enough show two or three people at a time. Because to do it everybody at the same time is impossible. I'm sitting up here and you're sitting here, so we do everything the opposite. That's one thing that makes it very difficult, is doing everything in the opposite way. So, to have a person sitting on each side, and then you shoot them.

[16:45]

That would work, but you need a number of people to do that, and the intention to do it. But that's fine with me. I'm happy to have that done. But then there's the beginners. I mean, the guest bowls is one way. The layperson's bowls, is another way, and the principle is something else. There's subtle differences. So, but I, you know, if you keep asking, we can do it. You have to ask, and then okay. Somebody has to motivate something to happen. Oh, the other thing is, When it comes to fast and slow, if the servers are walking up the aisle real slow, then it's tedious. When are they going to get here?

[17:46]

And if they're walking up too fast, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't run over me. So just find the right pace. It's not too fast, not too slow, but it keeps things moving. When servers coming up with the serving, like with the trays, or with the water, or with the pots, you don't want to hold something over your head or over your eyes. I would say just hold, each one is different. The water is maybe like this, at this height. the pots down here, because you don't want to strain yourself holding the pots way up. But the thing about breathing into it, which is... I don't care if you breathe into it. Your possession is evolving.

[18:48]

It's evolving. But don't hold stuff up above your head. Like when you put Gagasho It's that you hold your fingertips at the bottom of your nose, not up at eye level, and not up here. Just at the bottom of your nose. That's usual. So when you hold, like you're holding the tray, and you hold the tray out and bow your, slightly bow your body, but you bow your head. But you don't bow the tray. The tray is stationary, and it bows like this, with the pots as well. Holding the pot, hold it out a bit, and bow. So that's a kind of dignified way, actually, of doing something, and it feels good.

[19:50]

There's always the thing about where you put the water jar when we're doing the water. The way I was taught, it keeps changing all the time, but you put the water, you stand in between two people, and first you put the water in front of that one, and then in front of that one. You have to move. And some people hold it way down here, so you have to go, and some people hold it way up here. So, I would say, you put the pot at the edge, just a little bit of it sticking up, so that it would make it accessible and tip it. You want to make it accessible to the person. You don't want to have the person leaning way over. Mel, this is a case in point. Every time somebody gives that instruction, it doesn't apply to a lot of people.

[20:53]

It's like you have to look at how high they are. Some people are No, I mean the person that's sitting. Or somebody on a bench. The server or the person that's sitting. No, the person who's sitting. Well, yeah, the gesture to the person. That's what I'm saying. So it's not really it can be a little misleading if you say X amount from the meal board because you have to judge how far There's no right or wrong. Of course you have to accommodate, you know, a big person, you know, you adjust to the person, a small person, but that's so. So when you have a rule, it's not something to stick to.

[21:59]

The rule always has accommodating according to the situation. Presets are not rules. They're suggestions of how you do something, but if you only do it according to the rule, that's wrong. So you have to understand that naturally, within the rule, you have to accommodate to that situation. So yes, that's true. But it's always true, whatever we're doing. I have an Oreoke question. At supper, when we have two bowls, can you drink after you've cleaned the bowl? The second bowl. You have the second and third bowl. Can you drink out of the second bowl versus the first bowl? No.

[22:59]

You wash the first bowl, and then you pour half the water into the second bowl and then you drink half the bowl. And then when the server comes you pour half of the water into the bucket and drink half the water. So let me think about that. You pour all the water into the second bowl and wash your stuff. Then, when the server comes, you pour half into the bucket and drink half. But the first bowl, you just pour into the second bowl. So, in other words, you can't request more water in the bigger bowl than will fit in the smaller bowl. That's right. In the second bowl. Yeah, you don't fill the bowl with water. Sometimes there's two bowls. Yeah, two bowls.

[24:04]

You don't fill the first bowl with water. You just pour water into it, enough to wash it. The server just pours enough water into the first bowl so you wash it. It's not your drinking water. It's the washing water. And then you pour the water into the second bowl and wash the second bowl. And you offer half to the spirits and you drink the other half. Because you're also one of the kaki. You're also one what? Kaki. Hungry ghost. So isn't that the way we do it? I think it is. Yeah, you don't drink the water out of the second bowl. I mean, out of the first bowl. So you're talking about supper, though? Dinner. Dinner, yeah. When you have two bowls. Yeah, right. And then you pour the water in the second bowl and you wash your utensils.

[25:07]

put them into the utensil bag, and then when the server comes, you pour half the water into the bucket and drink the other half. Is it important to drink some of the wash water, if you'd rather not? It's absolutely necessary. Oof. Want to know why? Yeah. What's wrong? You don't like ambrosia or something? Sometimes I don't want it. I like rules like that. So what you're saying is when there are three bowls, you get two chances to take a drink. half of the water from the second bowl, and you can take half the water to the third bowl.

[26:10]

Yes. No, he changed what he said. Oh, he did? Yeah. Spoke about taking water at dinner into two bowls. Three. No, I said a lot of things. OK. OK. I see your point. You're talking about the three bowls. You have two chances. Yes. Yeah. And you only get two chances. You only get two chances to eat something when you only have two votes. When you start doing, when we have lunch, I'll explain it to him. When you have it all in front of you, then you can ask a question.

[27:15]

Well, you never get to know. But you never drink out of your neighbor's bowl. Well, that's actually a rule that Dogen set up. Don't drink out of your neighbor's bowl. Don't lean over and eat something out of your neighbor's bowl. Is that one of the dire rules? It's in the Fischkohan Paul. Dogen's rules for eating. which are very, you think this is funny. So I have two things, a quick humor, once I was serving someone, the cereal, put my pot down, about to take the lid off, The recipient took the ladle and proceeded serving himself.

[28:26]

I thought this was a good opportunity to establish some eye contact. And the person sort of looked at me and I went, It was very nice. And he forgot. Is this the first time he did it? No. I wouldn't have done that with a beginner. This is a person many years of practice. He's not here today. He died. But on a more serious note. I think it's very sweet as a server when I meet recipient and Buddha meets Buddha on the bow down. But what some people do as a server is just getting there, they're already bowing and we're just still parking ourselves. It's really sweet to bow at the same time and sight pause. That's very nice.

[29:29]

So you actually meet. So perfunctory bowing, it's better not to bow at all than to simply do a perfunctory bow. But on the other hand, it may be better to just do a perfunctory bow than not bow at all. But when I was at Tassajara, there's a woman who has a tremor. Her tremor gets to be like this. And she serves. She's a great woman. She's a really noble person. And so she's coming up like this and putting the pot down. And so I reached over and took the utensil and served myself and then put it back. And that was very sweet, you know, because it was, she wasn't going to be able to do it. So, you know, just improvising. in the moment. It's a really nice thing to be able to, instead of just losing your composure, you improvise.

[30:36]

You do what's, you know, what's necessary. So it's the same thing when you're serving co or when you're serving a midget, you know. You accommodate, you're in, accommodate to the situation. You can't do that. That is amazing that somebody with Tremor, Carlo De Parkinsonian, would be doing serving. Yeah, isn't it wonderful? Yeah. Yeah, it's great. But what about the other people? Did they also serve themselves, or? I think so, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes, we did. We all did. Beautiful. Oh, OK. Following a surgeon's lead, sometimes you gesture, you know, inviting them. Yeah, inviting you to do that. It was very slow. Speaking of bowing, how many times do you bow with the gamassio?

[31:43]

OK, well, you bow, and then you pick up the gamassio, and then you put it down, and you bow. No, we're in pairs. Oh, pairs. We're in pairs. Oh, pairs, OK. Well, there are several ways to do that. Like, you pick up the gamassio, you bow, you pick up the gamassio, and you use it, and then you hand it to the other person. And the other person takes it, and you bow together. And the other person uses it, either hands it to the next person or puts it down. What I started doing when I had a partner was, I would hand it to the partner first. Just, you know, because it's a nice thing to do. And then the partner would use it and then hand it back to me. But when are the bows when you do it that way? That's the question. When are the bows? Well, I would pick it up. I would bow, pick it up, and hand it to the next person. And they would take it, and then we bow to each other. You don't have to do it that way, but it's nice, you know, to offer it to the other person first.

[32:49]

then they use it and hand it back to you and you both bow again. Yeah, so when in doubt... You can get a little too far in bowing. When the servers go to the person who is sitting in a chair and they have a table and you want to It's time to take the table away. You bow, and then you take up the table, but you don't bow with the table. You just take the table away. Because you don't want to bow the table. You don't need to do that. You just bow to the person, then you take the table away. Which also means if the person's giving you a table, don't bow to them when they're holding the table, so that they're sort of not bowing to one another. Well, you're bowing to each other first. Right. Right? You bow to each other first.

[33:50]

When you're holding the table to give it to him. So you can't bow. No, you don't bow. Sometimes the person would be trying to bow to me while I was trying to give him the table. That's OK. They can do whatever they want. But you put the table down, and then you bow to each other. It's the same thing as when you're carrying something to your seat. You know, you've got your cushion, and you've got your dorayaki, or whatever. And you're coming up to your seat, And you don't bow at all those things. You put the stuff down first. You put your oil down, and you get your composure, and then you bow to the cushion, and then you sit down. So you put everything away first, before you do all this stuff. And then you bow to the cushion. Because there's two different things you're doing. You're coming up, and it's very clumsy and awkward to bow at all your stuff. And so the cushion recognizes that, and doesn't expect anything of you.

[34:51]

Put it down in place, and then you bow to the cushion, and the cushion smiles. Related to what you were just talking about, when servers come to people who are in the chairs with the little tables, with the wiping cloth, we don't bow to you first, the same way we don't bow to Sojin or the director. We wipe first both tables, and then place them down. That's what we do with both front seat people here. Don't ask me why that is. It's just the way we do it. About bowing during zazen, when I first came here, I remember being instructed that after zazen, or when you're sitting down, you bow just to the people on either side or directly across. and other people are sitting, especially if they're facing out, and they'll bow, and then the whole row bows.

[35:56]

At the end of the day, you move. Good point. When you come to your seat, and you bow to the cushion, and the people on either side, no matter whether they're facing in or out, will bow. Bow when you bow. And then you turn around and if the person is somebody facing you, they will bow too. So yes, that's true. When I come in and I bow to my cushion, like during lecture or something, and I just come in and bow, and somebody else is going to give a talk, and then I bow, and everybody bows, and I'm thinking, to my, you know, I'm just coming up to my seat, you know, or sometimes I'll come and I'll bow and people down there suddenly bow too, you know. So it's not necessary to always bow when I'm bowing. I mean, it's a nice gesture, but it feels funny. It's not necessary. If you are bowing in someone's front seat, should the front seat person bow when you're bowing to your cushion?

[36:59]

If they want to. But they're on the other side of the Zendo. This is like the dividing part. So I'm on this side and they're on that side. So even though it's one zendo, it has two sides. So when I bow to my cushion, Walter always bows to me when he's sitting there in the afternoon. And that's nice. But the person who's sitting there doesn't necessarily have to bow when I do that. It's optional. It's kind of optional, yeah. It's a nice feeling. When we say optional, I don't like to think that these are rules. I like to think that these are customs. Customarily, we do these things, which kind of keeps our practice together and keeps us relating to each other in a nice way. At Page Street,

[37:59]

And upstairs, there's the Kaisando, the Founder's Room. You walk upstairs and there's the Founder's Hall, and with a statue that doesn't look anything like Suzuki Roshi. And when you walk by, you bow, going either way. And then some people would say, do I have to bow when I do that? It's as if it's a rule, you know. It's not a law or a rule. It's a custom. It's customarily we do these things because it's a good feeling, you know. So I don't like to say you have to do this or you have to do that. We should feel something. We should feel like, I like this, you know, because it connects me with everybody else. When we do stuff, when we do things in the same way, according to our customs, we feel connected, you know. If we'd say, well, I don't like to do this, I don't like this, then we don't feel that connection.

[39:02]

So these things remind us of our connection, but they also remind us of our connection with the Dharma. And when we say, I don't like doing this, or I don't want to do that, it just kind of feeds our ego. even though we don't say that. This may be obvious, but I just wanted to point out that doing these customs because they remind us and enhance our connection is very different from what I sometimes get caught in with oryoki or with serving, which is doing it right. And then that can become... that's the tedious side, potentially. Well, doing it right means... being one way.

[40:03]

So there is a customary way to do things, and when we do it that way, it makes us feel, how do I say, centered. So all these things really help us to be centered. So it's not a matter of doing it right or wrong or like or dislike, it's like, am I being centered? Am I centered in emptiness? Am I centered with, connected with whatever it is that I'm interacting with? That's the whole point. How to be one with what we're involved with. That's what Santokai is about. How to be One, how to be connected. It's more than connection. Connection is between two things, at least. But how to be one with is beyond two things. It's how to be one with.

[41:04]

So, when we're doing that, we feel good. When we're not doing it, we don't feel so good. Sometimes when I'm serving, I feel that I'm following the form, and there's a feeling of flow, and there's a feeling of... It has a nice feeling to it, but I also realize I'm a little bit inside my head of what the form is. That's okay. And then there are other times when I'm trying to have beginner's mind, and not and respond to the situation. It feels very open and very different. And I have this momentary panic that I am not going to remember anything about the form. I will not know what to do next because it is just presence.

[42:07]

And so somewhere in between them, knowing the form but having it still feel fresh and new and not Not following a rule. That's right. That's it. Every time you do this, every time you do something, you've never done it before. It's all over again. So, when we're bowing nine times, you know, oh, it's five, six ... I do count all of them, but the counting is just to keep my place. But every bounce, you've never done it before. It's something entirely new. Entirely fresh and new. That's the only one. And when we chant the sutra over and over again, it's not over and over again. Every time we chant it, it's a totally new thing. If you don't have that attitude, then everything just looks mechanical and boring. So the counterfeit upside is mechanical.

[43:14]

So that's the danger of falling into being mechanical, when we do something over and over. You don't want to do that. And so somebody may look really good, but there's no substance or heart in it. So our attitude should be, every single time we do this, it's new. I've never done this before. And it's so. Nothing's ever repeated. This is the realm of no repetition, even though it looks like things are being repeated over and over again. So that's a good attitude. But still, our habit energy, it's in our body. And people think, well, this is very formal practice. I don't think of it as formal at all, because I know it so well. It just seems like, oh, this is an easy way to do things. It's so easy to just be relaxed and do everything, because it's so embodied. Novices, you know, will try very hard to do something and even novice teachers, you know, like Japanese teachers are always relaxed when they do stuff.

[44:26]

Foreign teachers are often less relaxed and a little more rigid because they haven't, although they're learning how to do the stuff, they haven't embodied enough so they can let it go. So, that's why somebody like Suzuki Roshi, the reason why people learned from just the way he walked and talked and did things, because he mastered the formality and nothing was formal for him. Everything was informal. He just did everything easily, you know, nothing special. That's all. So there's stages. There's a stage of entering, there's a stage of learning, and then a stage of ease. So people are in different stages. Not too many are in the stage of ease.

[45:31]

Or some people are in the stage of ease without having gone through the stage of bliss. I've always been impressed with Suzuki Roshi's description of the dogs to cats to everything. Yes. And I feel like, so the bowing is not only just relating to some persons or even animals, but everything around you. So, or at least that's my view. Yes. So, you know, every Dharma, meaning everything, is an expression of Buddha, an expression of true nature. So you're always bowing to true nature.

[46:36]

This is the most intimate thing. In Christianity it's called closer than hands and feet. This is intimacy with Buddha nature. It's not like you're ignoring the person going to Buddha nature. The person itself is Buddha nature. So we treat everybody, that's what it means to treat everyone as Buddha, not some special person, but because we all have the same nature. So bowing to the Gamasu, you recognize that you're respecting the true nature of everything that you are meeting. That's the end of practice and the middle as well as the beginning. God, these people are bowing to everything so much, you know, and it looks like excessive.

[47:44]

And sometimes I used to think, well, this is really excessive, you know, but actually it's not. So whether you're actually bowing or your attitude of bowing should be the same, whether you're putting your hands together or not. I remember the first time I went to Tassajara, my first practice period at Tassajara, And I came out and everything was very different. The cars were rushing by. And I would look at people and their faces looked like paper bags, wrinkles. And you could see all the stuff that was going on, all the suffering. Anyway, so I went into the grocery store and bought something and then bought to the cashier. That's a great thing to do. You know, people become alarmed if you keep doing that. But being alarmed is not bad.

[48:45]

Something should go off, you know. When we did the men's shelter dinner, one of the guys usually says, Grace. And all of us, I mean, we can't, at the end of Grace, we cannot stop his instincts from... I've noticed how this form has disseminated in the society, though, actually. A lot of times you'll see a performer or somebody giving a talk, and it won't be a formal bell, but it's recognized as a kind of nice greeting or farewell. Thank you. Yes, I noticed that too. Even a congressperson, unconsciously going like I'm not going any further.

[49:48]

Who are you know, who are following after they do it, they make a touchdown. That's all of them. This is their trademark. after the other team made a touchdown. Do you have any other questions? Should we go on? Could I ask you one question? What is the purpose of Sushin? Yes, I can answer that question. The purpose of Sushin is to

[50:49]

You mean it's some other purpose? Well, I woke up to, oh my God, you know, I don't know what I was thinking before I woke up to the thought that this is great. It's an actual, first of all, it's the safest place in which I can be my complete, imperfect self with all of my craziness and have an opportunity to see it without having to patch it up. Yeah. That's good. So the purpose of Seijin is to do that for you. The purpose of Seijin may be something like that for somebody else. something a little different.

[52:05]

So, you know, the purpose of Sashin is... Sashin. Sashin. We always want to think that we're doing something for some other... for a result. But if you start to think that you're doing Sashin for a result, that's not Sashin. As long as it's just sitting down. Yeah. Yeah. Something else happens. Things happen. You know. Benefits happen. But that's not what we should. We just sit down. You know, I come here to end my suffering. And I see that there is a grasping line that says, I want to be enlightened.

[53:12]

I never had that problem. I never wanted to be enlightened. Fortunately, I don't have that problem. So I can just sit down. So to realize that I could let go of that and just be here. Yeah. This is called pure existence. It's just pure existence. And the reason why it's called pure is because it's not dual. As soon as we want something, we create something. So, now don't want. I don't care what happens next. I don't care what happened before. This is just now. Now. [...]

[54:14]

Now. That's all. Whether, you know, we bring all of our stuff too. It's the same. We bring our suffering, we bring our anxiety, we bring our pain, we bring our problems, but then it's like you have a muddy glass of water, and when you hold it still, all the mud sinks down the bottom, and then you simply have water. So water contains mud, silt, misery, pain, happiness, all those things, but you just let go of all those things and just be.

[55:21]

You shake it and it comes back up. It takes little different forms. But water is just the water. The water actually is not dirty. You know, Suzuki Roshi said, we wash the windows. We don't wash the windows because they're dirty. We just wash the windows because we're washing the windows. We don't sweep the floor or clean the floor because it's dirty. When it's time to clean the floor, we just clean the floor. When it's time to bow, we just bow. When it's time to chant, we just chant. If you want other reasons for these things, you should ask somebody else. We always want some reason for something, which is understandable, but that's all on this side. The other side is just doing. Just the moment after moment. Just exist this moment.

[56:31]

But it's so hard because we think that we're supposed to want something. We're programmed to think we're supposed to want something. And it's hard, just hard to be in pure existence. But it's wonderful. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Because the reason why we think, why am I doing this? Because we're bored. Or painful. Or, you know, I'm paying $35 a day or something to be, to create pain for myself. Although I could get to eat three meals. And tea. What? And tea. And tea. And tea and cookie. Three meals and cookie. I said, you get three meals and you get a cookie, too. Oh, and a cookie. Well, that's what I used to enjoy the most.

[57:33]

When I first started sitting, we used to have two tea treats, one in the morning, one in the afternoon. And the first one was just like a date. or just this little thing, and it was so wonderful, because it was nothing, and then suddenly here's this wonderful thing with a cup of tea. Now we make these kind of luscious tea treats, but it was just this one, and so we can appreciate this tiny little wonderful thing. But things escalate. The food gets more rich and the tea treats become more brownish and stuff like that. So we have to be careful. And I like stuff like that as much as everybody else.

[58:35]

But I know that the feeling is so much better when you've been working real hard at sitting still. And then there's this beautiful little reward. Very nice. A little refreshment that's not too much, but it feels really wonderful. I have a question. You said on one side, you just do it. You want to reason, that's the other side. Science. That's right. So, I'm not trying to catch you in a logical inconsistency or anything. Don't get me wrong. I'm just trying to understand. That sounds like duality to me. Yeah, of course.

[59:38]

Duality, yeah. We don't deny duality. We live in it. It's where we have our existence. Okay. Good. I had some. I was misinformed. Yeah. It's really hard to wrap our mind around oneness and duality. This is what Sandokai is talking about. Oneness and duality. Duality is the duality of oneness. And oneness is the oneness of duality. We talk about two things in order to express, to understand them intellectually. So we make a mistake on purpose. So whenever we talk about duality, we talk about duality as if that's bad or wrong.

[60:41]

It's not bad or wrong, it's just duality. and oneness, or the essence, essential. It's like, this is one, and this is many, right? This is duality, because there's comparative. This is my little finger, and this is... But still, the fingers all belong to the one, the fist. So, we can talk about fingers, or we can talk about fists. But if we talk about fists, we're also talking about fingers, because fingers are included in fists, and fists are included in fingers. So, if we're only talking about duality, then we missed something. We missed the essential. Within one is two, and within two is one, but it's neither one nor two.

[61:45]

That's Buddhist science. So it's interesting, and tomorrow we'll talk about that more.

[61:58]

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