For years we didn't have a sound system, so it ought to be possible to begin the lecture without it. Can you hear me now in the back? Okay. Now here at Green Gulch, the holiday season is usually real different from what may be the season, probably by your luck, too. We end an intensive practice period, and then a lot of the people who come to the practice period disperse, and a lot of the regular residents take a vacation. We change the schedule to make it a little more relaxed. For the residents, which is something we started doing just, there we go, something we started

[01:14]

doing, I don't know, four or five years ago. We host a lot of retreats here at Green Gulch for various groups, so I guess it finally dawned on us that maybe we should have a retreat, too. Not the usual kind of retreat with Zazen and Dharma talk, but a retreat to take stock of our life together and see how we're doing with each other. We had a nice retreat this year. One of our members is a mediator who's really good at communication, so he came and helped us to have some discussions about our way of life together at Green Gulch. It was really good, and I'm always impressed with the extent to which any of us misunderstand

[02:23]

each other. It's extraordinary. We had a chance to see this, how much we forget to listen to each other, even though really it's our main business to listen. We forget a lot. Then the retreat ended, I guess, earlier this week, and we began another practice period. This one is different from most of the practice periods that we have in our yearly schedule. This month we're taking a whole month off, or just about a month, from our usual schedule in life at Green Gulch and our usual business activities to intensify our study and meditation

[03:28]

schedule and just devote ourselves to our formals and practice. Sometimes I wonder how most of you imagine it is to be a resident of Green Gulch Zen Center. I imagine that you imagine that living here is peaceful, easygoing routine, not much going on, just nice Zen students peacefully going about the day. Maybe you think that, but most Green Gulch residents will tell you that it's very stressful to be a Green Gulch resident. It's true that we have the advantage of getting up early every morning to sit and chant, and

[04:32]

we sit also in the evenings most of the year, so that's helpful. But there's really a lot of work to do around here. The farm is always really busy in season or out. The garden is always behind in the work that it has to do. The guest program is always understaffed and busy setting up the next event that's coming in. And all of this work has to get done, and everyone has to get up early and meditate and study and attend Dharma classes and live in very close quarters with other people in similar situations, usually in tiny room, so forth. So it's not that easy. I see some former residents smiling.

[05:32]

Glad to get out. And some of our residents don't work in these areas. They're administrators, and administration work is really hard here, because not only do you have to do all the things that administrators anywhere do, budgets and so on, but also you have to deal with where do people live. And not only that, but you have to work with what is their spiritual practice, what is their heart's deepest desire, and are they doing a good job working in the kitchen. So it's very hard to be an administrator at Green Gulch. So the administrators are also stressed out. The only ones who really get to loaf are the teachers.

[06:40]

We really don't do that much. We just give a few classes, do a little zazen, talk to some people. But we had to suffer a long time to get to this rarefied and advantageous position. So, although you may think that it's blissful and easy, actually it's very complicated and stressful. Plus, imagine all of this going on in your house, except add to it the fact that every day guests are coming, house guests. And once a week hundreds of people show up. So this is how it is.

[07:43]

So, I'm not complaining. I mean, a lot of things are hard, and I have no doubt that all of you sitting here have stressful, difficult lives too. And most of the people in the world have much more difficult and stressful lives than any of us in this room have. So, none of us should complain. And even though I enjoy complaining, and at Green Gulch we all like to complain. It's good for the soul, you know, to complain a little bit. Still, I think, I know I realize and I think everyone here realizes how fortunate we are and what a joy it is and what a privilege it is to be able to live here for a time in

[08:52]

our lives. But this particular period of practice is different because usually when we have a practice period we welcome people to come in to live here for seven weeks and do an intensive monastic schedule, but most of the Green Gulch residents can't do that intensive monastic schedule. They can only do parts of it because they have their other work to take care of. But this time we're actually changing all of that and suspending a great deal of our work so that we're trying to have virtually everyone doing the whole monastic schedule. So although we're being joined by others, the residents themselves are this time participating fully in the schedule, so that's really special. Plus, the schedule is more intensive than usual.

[09:58]

Everybody in the practice period is an experienced practitioner. There are no beginners as we usually have, so we can make a schedule that's more intensive. Also, it's shorter. It's only a little bit less than a month instead of the usual seven weeks. So, I just wanted to give you a New Year's report about what's going on around here. We just started the practice period. Today's Sunday, right? Saturday morning was the opening ceremony, and already the Zen Dojo, every morning and evening, although very crowded, wonderfully crowded, is very quiet. And settled already, even after one or two days. And Tenshin and I are both leading the practice period together, and so we're going to take

[11:01]

turns, just the two of us, this month giving the Sunday talk, and we'll keep you abreast of what we're talking about and teaching during the practice period. Lately, one of the things that I seem to spend a lot of time on is scheduling myself. What am I supposed to do tomorrow, and so on. Every now and then, there's a slight slip-up, and this happened the first day of the practice period. The practice period began at, we had an orientation in the evening, and then we began at 5 a.m. the next morning, Saturday morning, and I had, unfortunately, made a mistake and scheduled an all-night event to take place the night before. So I began the practice period with 45 minutes of sleep.

[12:06]

Not a good situation. But it was, I want to tell you a little bit about this event, this all-night event, because it was so much fun, and so interesting to me that I want to tell you a little bit about it. I've mentioned before in some Dharma talks that I've been working with a group of boys, 13, 14-year-old now they are. They started out 12 and 13. It's been about maybe one and a half or maybe even almost two years that I've been working with this small group of boys about spiritual practice and becoming an adult. And it's been very interesting for me to do this work. So we decided that we would, last night, Friday night, have an all-night event. And what we did is, everybody, it began at 9 p.m.

[13:12]

And all the boys came with their fathers and mothers. And the mothers went to the yurt and had a retreat by themselves to sit and walk and be quiet. And their job was to write a letter, each one to her son, about how it felt for her to have a son about to be grown up. Meantime, the fathers were talking together and I went with the boys. We hiked in the moonlight, it was a full moon, up to the top of the ridge here above Green Gulch. We had done this before, about six months ago, and I had given each one a place to sit in and meditation practice.

[14:16]

So we returned to those places and each one had his own place apart from the others. And they were given meditation practices and said, Just stay here. So I went away and left them there. And they stayed on the top of the ridge in the full moon and the wind for a long time. At about midnight, I got their dads and we hiked up in silence to the top of the ridge. And each dad went to join his son and they spent some time together up on top of the ridge. This wasn't like a secret. The boys knew what was going to happen and the dads knew how it would go. And I had asked the fathers to think about what they wanted to tell their sons about their lives,

[15:24]

what was important to them, what had mattered to them in their lives. And then I had given the sons some things to think about to tell the fathers. So they spent maybe 45 minutes together. And then about two o'clock, we all got together and joined the mothers in the yurt and chatted a bit and had some hot apple juice. And then we did some meditation practice together. Led by the boys. And then each person spoke about what they had learned or understood or felt that night. And then about 3.30 or so, we ended. And I went to bed around quarter to four and got up at 4.30 for zazen. But it was pretty astonishing, actually.

[16:29]

It was great to hike in the moonlight. Afterward, when we were sharing our experiences together, one of the mothers said that she struggled with being given the assignment of waiting. Just being off to the side waiting. She didn't really like that so much. But she said that when the door opened and the fathers and the sons walked in to the warm room, because it was pretty cold up on top of the hill in the wind to sit there. And when they came in to the warm room with the fire going and the mothers sitting, waiting, she said it was such a beautiful thing to be there welcoming them

[17:33]

that she forgot all about her resistance to being the one waiting. And really was glad that she was there to receive them. And one of the fathers said that he had the most extraordinary experience when he approached his son who was sitting behind a big rock at the top of the ridge. The father said that he seemed different. And when he began to speak, the father said, I never heard that voice before. It was the first time that I had ever heard that voice. And I felt that he was completely himself for the first time. And it was wonderful to meet him.

[18:35]

And he said, because he was completely himself, I felt as if I could be myself. And so we had a wonderful talk. And one of the boys said that at first it was difficult to sit there. He found that his mind was very distracted. And he said, but now I realize that everything in my mind is just void. Another one of the boys said that he was hoping to have a certain kind of experience when he sat there.

[19:37]

And he noticed that hoping to have this experience was making him very nervous. And he was getting more and more nervous expecting this experience to happen. And finally he said he couldn't sustain that nervousness, so he just forgot about it. And then he relaxed, and he said then he noticed that now that he was relaxed, even though it was very cold, he didn't mind that it was cold. And that surprised him, that he could be cold, but not mind it. So I was really impressed with these reports of these experiences. During the holiday time, for weeks now, I have two sons who are in college,

[20:42]

and they've been around, and this is their first year, and so they've been around for a long time. This is their first big vacation, and maybe you went to college and remember the first big vacation, you're still really good friends with all of your high school friends. So we've had to get up in the morning and never know how many teenagers there will be sleeping on the floor here or there in our house. And a lot of these, my own sons of course, and the others, I know pretty well over the years, and it's very interesting to see how all these people are developing, and the kinds of things that they're thinking about. You can see these young people trying to figure out

[21:46]

how they're going to be in the world, and who they're going to be, and who they are. And this is not easy. You can see how they're developing, the struggles. And you can see the darkness of the unknown future almost pressing up against their noses. And there's nothing that you can do, whatsoever, to help them or guide them. Nothing would help. You can only watch it and appreciate what it is they struggle with. So these experiences with my group of boys

[22:47]

and with my sons and their friends this holiday season have reminded me, again, of what I am capable of. I'm so often reminded how very, very strange and unexplainable our human life is. And how much of our life is a given, is given to us, and there, no matter what we think about it, at a very, very, very deep level that we often cannot access and cannot understand. And what we think about, what we plan, what we know, and what we make of our lives

[23:48]

is so tiny compared with the tremendous forces inside of us and outside of us that shape our lives. We are like little lights in the middle of a tremendous and vast darkness. And we live our lives thinking that this darkness this little part, this little light, this part that we can think and plan and do and control, is everything, that there's nothing but this, and it's such a small part. We almost never stop the busyness of our thinking and doing to just empty ourselves out and check in with ourselves

[24:55]

and settle with and appreciate and just even notice all that is unknown in our lives. And it seems like the theme of these weeks of what I've been seeing and experiencing has to do with this, and especially in relation to children and their parents. All of us have studied the question of children and parents to a great extent, right? We've all studied what it's like to be tiny and to be a young child, to be a young adult, and many of us to be an older, mature person. Some of us have studied what it is to be a father or a mother of young children and of older children and of young adult children. So I've been studying this question all my life. And it is so obvious.

[26:01]

I remember on a Sunday night with the boys how obvious it is that we are so mysteriously influenced and deeply marked by our families. Some of these marks we don't notice, some of them through thinking and struggling we come to understand, and some of them we never see and never understand. We struggle with our parents or our children, and I have a friend now who's a couple of good friends who are struggling with their teenage daughter, and it's a tremendous difficult thing, you know, really hard. And yet, underneath all that they're struggling with and all that any of us struggle with in these deep relationships,

[27:05]

there's so much connection, so many things going on that we can't appreciate. We inherit from our families not only some physical characteristics but also attitudes and a whole energy for life. Each one of us inherits almost a kind of destiny from those who have come before us, and we pass on a destiny to those who will follow us. And it seems to me that our job as Dharma practitioners

[28:05]

is to appreciate as fully as we can our particular destiny, to become very, very familiar with it through our sitting practice and our mindfulness practice, and then, little by little, to learn to be with this destiny and to bear it without much judgment or desire. Which is hard to do, and we struggle with this. And finally, to actually be able to respect the person that we are and the conditions that made us this way. This is, I think, our job in Dharma practice.

[29:12]

And the deeper we can see the conditions of our lives and the more we can see the conditions of our lives without much judgment or desire, the more possible it becomes to really respect these conditions. And when we can respect the person that we are and our destiny and the conditions of our life, then we stand firmly on the ground of our life. And we can stop being like ghosts flapping around, holding on to bushes and grasses as the wind blows us this way and blows us that way. And we can just stand solidly on our lives. So we begin with this crucial and important first step in practice. I say first step, but of course

[30:15]

there aren't any first steps and second steps that we complete. We always return to the first step over and over again, and every step is the first step. So although we may become experienced in practice, and it's different to be experienced than not to be experienced, still, we're always taking the first step. So that's the step, appreciating, respecting what we're given. Then, we have to take this stuff that we're given, and sometimes it's difficult stuff, sometimes it's deeply disappointing stuff, but we have to stand firmly on it, respect it,

[31:18]

and then just turn it a little bit. In the direction of Dharma, turn it a little bit toward the light. Just a little thing, not such a big thing, but a very important thing to do. There's a term for this turning toward the light in Buddha Dharma called Bodhicitta in Sanskrit. Bodhicitta literally means the thought that awakens, or the awakening thought, or the thought of awakening, or the thought of enlightenment, or the mind of awakening, the mind of enlightenment.

[32:19]

And this is a mind that always is seeking for the light, just like a plant, always turning in that direction, no matter what happens. It's a mind that isn't motivated by selfishness, it's a mind that isn't worried, or nervous all the time, or fearful, it's a mind that will keep going straight ahead toward the light no matter what happens. And a mind that knows there is nowhere to go but right here, where we are. A mind that is full of loving concern for others and for our whole world, but a concern that's not uptight, a concern that is as natural

[33:22]

and easy and as spectacular and as unspectacular as breathing in and breathing out. So we take our ordinary stuff of our lives, our conditions, our confusions, our craziness, our neurosis, and we apply to it this kind of mind. So this is what a practice is all about. Not changing, not becoming another kind of a person than the person we are, but rather taking that person that we are and standing on the ground of that person with full respect and appreciation, turning that person just a little bit toward the light. So this is the Bodhisattva path,

[34:27]

we call it the Bodhisattva path. And it's not a weekend course, it's not a series of ten cassettes that you can purchase, it's not a video, it's a lifetime path, it's a moment-after-moment path, and you know, it isn't even the path of Zen Buddhism or the path of Buddhism or even the spiritual path or a spiritual path. It's just the path of life, the path of sane, healthy, reasonable life.

[35:27]

This attitude of bodhicitta doesn't spring from out of the sky. It doesn't come because of faith or grace or even because of conviction or resolution, although all these may be important. It's an attitude that we can cultivate, an attitude we can work with and work on in our lives. And really, the course of our practice over a lifetime is the course of the development of this attitude in our lives. And this is what Tenzin and I will be speaking about and working with

[36:39]

during this month-long practice period, how to understand, cultivate and manifest this attitude in our lives. And there are many, many, many angles and aspects to this study in Buddhadharma. Coming to see clearly and deeply with our minds and hearts through our meditation practice how it is that nothing in our lives is separate or substantial. Everything in our lives is connected everywhere. This is the practice of dependent co-arising, which Tenzin will touch on this month. Coming to understand and shape our conduct in intimate ways.

[37:41]

Based on this understanding is the practice of the precepts, which Tenzin will also speak of this month. And the development of inner qualities necessary to fully develop the bodhicitta. These six qualities, called the six paramitas, this is what I will be focusing on. during this month. So now I would just like to briefly introduce these six paramitas and I will speak about them through the month. The six paramitas are first, dana paramita. Or the perfection, the full development

[38:49]

of giving. Giving means giving, sharing with others, not being stingy. It also means giving up, letting go, not holding on, but letting go of self clinging in everything that we do on more and more subtle and minute levels. The perfection of giving means letting go of judgments and preferences. It means being free of and free within our mental and emotional baggage. The second paramita is called shila paramita, or perfection of morality or ethical conduct.

[39:51]

And the basis of ethical conduct is very simple. A wholehearted, positive wish for everyone. Sincerely desiring never to be harmful and to be helpful to ourselves and to everyone we meet, everything we meet. How would we behave if this were our commitment? The third paramita is virya paramita, the perfection of energy or enthusiasm or zest. In particular, enthusiasm and energy and zest to do the practice, to work on this attitude.

[40:56]

Important so that we don't get bogged down by negativity or discouragement or confusion, which is so easy to do. There are so many reasons to be discouraged. So many things around us to be discouraged about. So many reflections of ourself that we find discouraging. So to practice enthusiastic effort is to not override or deny these attitudes and moments of negativity, but to learn how to have a creative and workable relationship with them when they do arise. This is the perfection of energy or enthusiasm.

[41:59]

The next, the fourth paramita is kshanti paramita or the perfection of patience or forbearance. To be able to forbear. This is a word that we hardly use nowadays, you know, forbearance. We hardly have the concept anymore because we think, well, we'll just go to a movie or we'll send out for pizza or we'll play a video game or we'll go to a concert or a lecture or we'll listen to one of those ten audio cassettes. Why bother with forbearance when we can have avoidance? So forbearance, it almost sounds like a word

[43:05]

from a previous century, doesn't it? Something that your grandmother might have said, forbear, forbear. So we don't really have this concept anymore, but actually it's pretty good practice to learn to forbear and endure what must be endured because, of course, the world doesn't disappear when we're in the movies, right? No. It's still there going along and our mind doesn't change when we listen to a tape. Of course it changes, but also what we're not attending to has its own life. So patience to endure and forbear

[44:06]

and be with what may be difficult without avoiding without avoidance, without anger, without frustration. This is Kshanti Paramita, a very important one for me because I'm an extremely impatient person when I work on this one. And next is Dhyana Paramita, the perfection of meditation or concentration, a learning to live as simply as possible with clarity, with focus, being where we are and not dispersing ourselves in a million directions being able to draw our mind

[45:09]

to a point when necessary. And finally, the sixth Paramita, the Prajna Paramita, accurate vision, a learning to see our lives clearly and truly. And this means to see dependent co-arising and to see the inherent empty nature of our life which means to understand that self-clinging which is so habitual and natural to us doesn't come from a true vision

[46:10]

of the world and of life. It just comes from an old and a bad habit that is not based on the way things are but is based on a very, very deep-seated and pernicious error that can be worked with through our practice, a meditation practice, through our study, through our moment-by-moment mindfulness practice, through the practice of giving, ethical conduct, energy, patience, and meditation. We can soften up the rigidity of our deeply-held, confused views and see and appreciate things

[47:12]

the way they are with Prajna Paramita. And then it's time to roll up our sleeves and do something. So, that's what we're going to do this month. That's what we're going to study. And I would invite all of you to study with those of us who are living here for this month or so. It's a new year, a good time to make a commitment to yourself to bring your practice to everything in your life. It's a great luxury

[48:13]

to be able to be here and practice under these auspicious conditions here at Green Gulch. But wherever you are and whatever you're about, please find the best way to practice the Bodhisattva path. So, thank you for your attention this morning. May our intention fully penetrate your being. So, I guess for space we're in here instead of the Wheelwright Center, right? Because it's too many people for the Wheelwright Center probably. I always thought it would be...

[49:14]

Now that it's so pretty back there, you know, I always thought we should have the tea back there while we're looking at the pond and then come back in here anyway for question and answer. But I don't have that much influence around here. It's true, you know. So you should tell them to do it. If you tell them to do it, maybe they would do it, you know. But tell anybody you see that, gee, wouldn't it be nice to have all the Green Gulch. Nobody listens to me. But it's so beautiful, you know, with the deck and everything. Did you ever stand... One of the problems, though, is that there's no way to... I mean, you probably all know this, but a lot of people... It doesn't make sense to most people that you don't wear your shoes on the deck. So always people are walking with their shoes on the deck, which for those of us who live here, it's sort of like somebody scratching their finger on the blackboard. But you get tired of telling them, and it's embarrassing, you know. But this porch back here is really nice,

[50:14]

to be on the porch. And then around here, this area here is so pretty. Make a little kind of garden back there. And it's more room. The deck is a little bit crowded. So maybe someday. Anyway, this part of the morning is discussion part. So anything that you want to bring up could be in relation to the Dharma talk, or it doesn't have to be. But hopefully it's in some relation to practice. And you can ask questions or offer observations or answer somebody else's question. You know, offer your sense of it. And we'll just discuss. And I'll put in my two cents too. It just seems always coming up.

[51:32]

We've been talking, some of my friends and I have been talking about the way we're kind of afraid of our own compassion in certain circumstances. Because, well, for myself, the situation is I'm about to begin a relationship again with my son. And it's really hard to feel a lot of compassion without getting overly, you know, I don't want him on my living room couch or myself in the house. And this is a a challenge, which I know I have other friends who are dealing with it also. But, you know, how do I keep in touch with the compassion I feel

[52:33]

I have without getting terrified? Well, I'm glad you brought that up. One thing to say is that, I mean, it's obvious I think that this morning when I was mentioning the six paramitas I was only saying a few things about each one. We could have many weeks on giving in each one and then I'll spend at least an hour and a half on each of the six paramitas in the class at Green Gulch and then I'll probably just next time I give the Dharma talk on Sunday I'll summarize a little bit and go into each one more. So, yeah, I only sort of put out a few thoughts that were at the foremost in my mind at the moment. But I'm glad you bring this case up because the traditional teachings on giving don't speak directly to this kind of a situation. And you can hear the teachings

[53:37]

traditional teachings about giving and they can actually be not only not helpful but even harmful in a case like this. There's a wonderful there's a sutra called the Snake Sutra, you know where Buddha says the Dharma is like a snake. You have to pick it up the right way. If you pick it up the wrong way it could bite you, you know. So, yeah, you could go and listen to a talk about how you should be compassionate and loving and then say all I have to do now is be compassionate and loving toward my son or somebody else in that circumstance and then like you say you could get sunk by that and not be helpful at all to the person. So, you have to look at a teaching like that, you have to look at what is the intention, what is the point of the practice of giving in relation to ourselves and others. And the point is clearly that we should have for ourselves that we should have a full and

[54:38]

happy life, right? And that's what it's all about. And that we should be able to as much as possible share that life with others and encourage and help others to have a same kind of life in whatever way ever possible. That's the point of it, that's the intention of it. So, if we're hearing that teaching and then we're behaving in such a way that it doesn't turn out that way then we need to think, well now how, what do we have to think about now? And I think we all know now that there's been so much study and work done in psychology on addictive behavior and codependence and all that stuff. I think we have to recognize that all of that material and all of that work is, in a way you could almost say those are commentaries and additional material for us to think about when we think about what is the practice of giving. And I think we know enough about these situations. And I have one person that sits with me up in British Columbia who has a story exactly the same thing and she's been

[55:41]

dealing with her son for 20 years and I hear her talk about it and it's so difficult. I mean there is no, just do this and it's all going to be better kind of answer to this kind of problem. This is very, very, very, very difficult. We just have to do our best and take care of ourselves and do what we can and hope for the best and hope to get lucky because it's very hard. And what's called for is a kind of supernatural ability a kind of super power, right? To really love someone and never let go of that love for the person and at the same time be able to say and the super power is to be able to say it with beaming love and smiling and make it stick, which is pretty much impossible for us to do. So we have to do whatever we can in that direction. So that means to enable someone to continue destructive behavior

[56:43]

is not the practice of giving, right? And so but then people who have serious addictive problems are absolutely impossible. They're deceitful, they're tricky, they're sneaky all because they're in the grip of a force that they can't control, right? So you can't blame them in a way, but on the other hand, you can't be fooled by it. You can't give in to it because then you're just adding another nail in the coffin, right? Here's another one enabling this person to do this. We all have to not enable people to harm themselves. We have to stop people from harming themselves. So how do you do that? And yeah, I mean certainly so you make boundaries in your house well, you know, you can come over if you're not stoned all the things, I mean I'm not telling I'm sure there's at least 20 therapists sitting here right now who know this a lot better than me but you know, so all of that stuff is very sound advice and that's how you have to do it.

[57:47]

You just can't let someone use your good graces as a way of being harmful to themselves and then of course, as you yourself know perfectly well and have already said, the result of this is not only harm to them but then you get upset and you feel twisted up in a knot and then you end up not being able to talk to the person for a very long time because you're so upset about it and the heartache just goes on and on and probably we have to recognize that there is no remedy that it's a painful situation that goes on as long as we live, maybe. You know, sometimes it happens that a person turns it around and that's wonderful, you know, it's a miracle but a lot of times they don't turn it around, they continue that way the rest of their lives and then we have that heartache of knowing that our loved one is unable to be happy and we just have to live with that forbearance then we have the practice of forbearance so I think you know what to do

[58:49]

and how to take care of it. Yeah, no, no, you can't see it that way you really have to see that compassion sometimes is not obvious what compassion is it's not smiling sweetly and so on and so forth it can be compassion but it also can be foolishness. Yeah, that's right, compassion compassion begins with ourself and we never stop having compassion for it, we have to, because how will we sustain our life if we don't take care of ourself so we do, yeah. I wanted to speak from my own experience the thing that struck me when you were talking was when you mentioned the teenage boys over the house laying on the floor and they're seeking their adulthood

[59:53]

what they're going to become we can't help them try to help them is going to be rejected I didn't exactly say that there's nothing we can do it's my turn yeah I think there is I do believe that we shouldn't be trying because trying, that will be rejected and that will not be but one of the most difficult things for us to do is to love unreservedly and I think love for the child without wanting anything in return that's a difficult thing for us because we were brought up in an age whether it's the 30's, 40's, 50's or 60's that wasn't really fair so I didn't receive that I received some kind of thing that was cold love but my mother was kind of imbalanced

[60:57]

a lot of people and I don't feel I received that my daughter has helped me a lot in giving her unreserved love as well as my ex-wife and I feel that's something I have given her in fact she's told me now that she's 20 that she really appreciates the fact that I've given her and that's helped her a lot and then the other thing that I think that you can do for your child is the path that we talked about we talked about 6 ways that leads to the path of life if you don't do that for the purpose of helping your child but for your own purpose or taking care of yourself maybe this has something to do with what you're talking about taking care of yourself, you set an example for your child without trying to help the child that in fact will help the child thank you, I agree with you

[61:59]

that's what I've tried to do exactly what you say with my children thank you for that can you speak some more about energy here I am going through some fairly major transitions in my life and I do a lot to keep my energy going yoga, meditation but in terms of maybe if there was something more specific that you had in mind when you were talking about the pyramid that has to do with energy, enthusiasm yes well I think for me the most important element of the practice of energy is attitude a lot of times we think that we're tired

[63:00]

you know and sometimes we're tired and sometimes we think we're tired so you can't assume anything so my idea is that my idea is that oh yeah something it has a short or something oh so what I I have this is a very complicated thing right I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really

[64:04]

so what I want to do is just do my best to do what's in front of me and just keep doing it and if the result of that is I fall down and die well I'm going to die anyway so I'm willing to keep up that way now along the way I think well you know but on the other hand you know why try to die well you're trying to die so if I feel like I need a rest I think well why not take a rest but it's not out of desperation you know what I mean I don't do it out of desperation I do it because well okay it would be okay to fall down but why don't I take a rest so there's a kind of a very subtle thing here having the attitude of being willing to kind of go all out if necessary and not worried if that's what's required because sometimes you know that's necessary but on the other hand not being crazy about it and not you know being driven

[65:06]

I think maybe the underlying thing and it's reminded me of this when you spoke as well and I think what I was trying to indicate in my talk is that I think we have to start from the place and I know it's easy to misunderstand this but start from the place of deeply feeling and knowing everything is already taken care of see my child doesn't need fixing I can't fix my child this tremendous amount of stuff that I have to do it's already done so I keep going with it and that's how I feel I'm always failing at all the things that I'm doing I'm not getting to things and I'm not doing things following through it's spectacular the extent to which I'm not doing things the way I would like to or the way they should be done but if I were to really worry about this and really get into it I would be a miserable guy

[66:08]

and then for one thing that would be an unhappy situation for me plus I would be much less effective even than I am so I try my best and sometimes I work long hours or many days in a row and if I see that I'm not doing anything well because I'm so tired then I take a rest and there are times when I'm tired and I want to take a rest and I can't just not in the cards so then I say I guess I have to do things more slowly since I can't take a rest or I really have to do things without doing anything maybe this will be my rest or I have to go to question and answer well maybe I'll just take a rest there since I have to go this sort of underlying spirit and attitude what makes us desperate and driven is the fear that somehow we're not a good person or things will fall apart if I don't do this and so on

[67:10]

so being really grounded in impermanence in other words, really remembering all the time yes, yes, yes, this is how reality is so I'm busy, I'm working hard I'm doing things, I certainly want to serve others and practice the Buddha Dharma but it's all impermanent so with that attitude I think we stand a fighting chance of being able to do our best and put out lots of energy and not get discouraged it's really important to remember that and I think of that quite often because I sometimes get panicky or something and then I say, wait a minute, don't be foolish think about this for a minute what's the difference, whether this happens or not so if you mess up you can always apologize and mean it so anyway, I don't know if that helps but that's the underlying thing I think and then you really have to learn yourself

[68:12]

you really have to learn your own body and mind and your own attitudes and tendencies and you've got to really watch how is it that I trick myself, how is it that I mess myself up you have a different way of messing yourself up than my way so I've found a way to work with the way that I mess myself up and you have to find a way and it's very much in the detail of it, in the subtlety of it to see how it is that you lose your energy in your life and you become negative or become discouraged what is the mechanism that over and over again makes you do that and then you look at that and say, oh let me study that and see if I can find a way not to repeatedly do this to myself so everybody's a little different in this we all have our own lunacy yes I was calling on her but go ahead, you started talking, she could be next I just wanted to return to the first question I've been in recovery from alcohol

[69:15]

addiction for about 8 and a half years I mean I want to say that in terms of a couple of years ago I raised the issue of co-dependence he said that he thought co-dependence was compassionate without wisdom which I thought was a nice way of moving forward and in AA, one of the things we learn is that our addictions are a symptom and that is a symptom of self-centeredness and there's a way that co-dependence is also self-centered it's a way of trying to use other people to build something that we don't have ourselves it's a way of trying to use people in an external way I just think that the best answer that I've been able to find is that there's a difference

[70:17]

in opening myself to reality to another reality beyond my own self-centered reality it's what we learn here the gradual process of seeing beyond our limited self and our delusional self opens us up to possibilities and that's what I've been hearing you talk about the possibility of seeing solutions by intuition and by opening ourselves to that and I don't think there is an answer I drank and used drugs for 28 years before I got into recovery and there isn't a single answer that I would have for someone else but for myself if I'm struggling with my connection to another person in that situation the first answer I think is practice yeah, well certainly you can imagine, I agree with you it's an interesting point

[71:18]

because from the standpoint of what we're all taught and what we think about as we grow up this is how it was for me and I'm sure the same for most of you you're taught that everything is okay mostly everything is normal and it's okay and then occasionally there's a terrible person or a terrible thing happens so if you have a problem with addiction then the idea is everybody else is pretty okay and the world is okay but there's something wrong with me and I have this terrible problem but from the standpoint of Buddhadharma the world is very difficult and everybody has to practice it's not that people who are in recovery have to practice or people who are this or that have to practice that's what a human being does a human being is a creature that has to be on a path this is a natural thing for us to undertake

[72:19]

and we all need to do that now it's not that it has to be this path or that path or has to look this way or has to look that way but that we're on a path of compassion and opening and finding wisdom and going beyond our self-centeredness I never met a person yet who either wasn't on that path or didn't desperately need to be so there is no normal natural normal thing without this actually normally we'll all go down the drain unless we are careful and live our lives consciously so sometimes this presumed natural state of being okay can be harmful because it makes us feel there's something wrong with us actually it's not that there's something wrong with anyone it's just that life is this way that's how it is suffering is inherent in conditioned existence and sometimes I think that people who

[73:23]

get involved in these kind of problems of addiction and so on are people who on one level are so sensitive to the suffering of human life that they are incapable of just going along as so many of us do quietly falling apart over a long period of time rather they hurl themselves into a quick and obvious deterioration yes, you were going to be next I have a two-part question and they're not populated if you could explain your understanding of emptiness and what it means secondly in the fourth place I often find myself struggling with all the concepts that you spoke about today and in the business world

[74:26]

it's totally different rules and mechanisms that take place and how do you advise one to take all the concepts of Buddhism that you spoke about today and carry it into that dark world of business and still survive well it's nice that you asked such easy questions since I'm taking a rest now it's nice to get these easy questions well emptiness means that self-clinging is foolish

[75:27]

because there's nothing to cling to so we're selfish naturally but there's really nothing to be selfish about because the self belongs to everyone not us and it's constantly changing so what is it that we're clinging to air, we're clutching the air so why should we make ourselves miserable to be clutching the air and I've been involved in a really challenging and interesting collaboration with two other people in the last months working on this question about business very interesting we're having a series of retreats here at Green Gulch once every six months or so on this question for people who are in the business world and we had one and we're having a second one

[76:28]

in June so sign up for it and we're trying to see how could you find a sense of practice in the business world how do you do that and it's difficult however I'm really convinced that in the long run practicing the way is more sustainable for everybody than short-term profit I'm really convinced of this to me it's not a question of it's just a matter of we work at it and it takes time so if you are at a workplace the first thing to do and you want to know how do you bring practice into the workplace the first and most obvious thing to do is practice yourself

[77:30]

and devote yourself to it work on your own practice do your sitting practice however you find to practice the way devote yourself to it and make it a high priority see the thing about spiritual practice is that it doesn't take any time at all it is time spiritual practice isn't something special that you do it's how you do anything that you do so don't think of spiritual practice as another thing on your list like jogging, pick up this at the supermarket go see so-and-so, have lunch with George meditate, blah blah blah don't look at it that way say to yourself I'm going to make my life is going to be dedicated to my spiritual practice and everything that I do is going to come from that place that's going to be my underlying attitude and resolution in my life everything else has to do with that so when I go to have lunch with George

[78:31]

it's because I'm going to practice compassion and really listen to George I'm going to really try to listen to George and I'm going to really try to give him as much as I can as a friend and if I go jogging it's because I want to practice and so I want to take care of my body and I know that I'll feel better if I jog so I'm going to jog with that purpose in mind, that spirit and if I meet somebody when I'm jogging I'm going to do the practice of loving kindness and I'm going to smile at the people I meet that'll be my practice while I'm jogging, smile at them and wave everything that you're doing you're dedicating to this once that becomes a reality in your life then you use your intuition all your intelligence to find a way to manifest that attitude in the workplace and you can do it and I'm convinced that everybody wants that now if you go around and walk into the workplace with a big Zen Buddhist banner start waving it and say

[79:32]

all you people should be meditating every day and what's the matter with you profit is no good and all that, nobody will listen to you that's very unskillful what you have to do is be authentic be kind, be clear all the things all the qualities that you're trying to cultivate in your practice, just do them patience, giving, ethical conduct if you do those things at the workplace little by little, it's not like all of a sudden everybody will say but little by little relationships will change one person in an office practicing Dharma, practicing all these things will definitely, guaranteed make a difference in that office there was one woman in our retreat who was absolutely astonishing she said in my department, she works for the phone company some division of the phone company I think she trains people or something

[80:33]

and she said in our particular training unit for some reason we all feel this way and we're practicing that way and we're having a great time and we believe in what we're doing and even though they're downsizing everything in the universe in the phone company they're not downsizing us because they see that what we're doing is very successful and it's working really well so she was really encouraging I certainly admit that most of the people were not that encouraging most of the people had very sad stories to tell about their experiences in the business world but she was really great and she was an example that it really is possible so with patience and forbearance and energy definitely little by little things can change and it's just good business that people are happy and are cooperative I mean how much money do businesses waste on people's unhappiness and lack of cooperation and aggression toward each other

[81:34]

tremendous money is wasted and we're all paying for it and every product we buy we're paying for aggression and lack of cooperation and all that we are, you buy a loaf of bread, you're paying for aggression and lack of cooperation and all that, you are and it's just better, business is better everybody makes more money so I'm really convinced that little by little so you do have to be patient I won't sell you a tape that tells you the seven ways in which next week it's all going to be different you won't find such a tape but if you practice the way, little by little I really know that things will change this is really interesting one of our oldest students at Zen Center believing that this was so went to business school and went to work for a business and then started a business and now runs a very successful business that he is running on these principles of Dharma

[82:35]

and one of the things that he wants to do and hopefully we'll actually do this he wants to create a constitution for small businesses not call it Buddhism or something because it's not about Buddhism it's about right livelihood and spiritual business he wants to write a constitution for that that could be shared with any small business that wants to live by that constitution and then somebody who works for a really big corporation said, well that's great because a lot of times what happens especially in today's entrepreneurial business world is that a small company does something that really works and then the big businesses end up using it so he wants to develop a constitution for small businesses and maybe if he does and other people use it maybe someday bigger businesses can use it so I'm actually very hopeful and more than hopeful, I just think it's inevitable that people will see this

[83:36]

and begin to live and work in this way so what do you need to do? You need support, you need to practice and your practice can't be just a bright idea that you have you need to practice with others and get encouragement and receive teachings and all that and you need to work on your practice so before you take on these issues in the workplace work on your own practice first until you really feel stable and do your best with what you encounter but it's important to take care of your own practice at least in the beginning to really put a lot of emphasis on that and then we move outward that's a natural progression Thank you Is your book out already? My book? Poetry? I have a lot of poetry books out I don't have a new one I have a recent book out called Jerusalem Moonlight which has nothing to do with poetry or business I just read about that in one of the magazines

[84:40]

Oh, that's good Are you collaborating with somebody else? No, I hardly have time to write a letter to anybody let alone write a book Is that a book? Yeah, you can get it in the office It's about Judaism and Buddhism Israel It's just a little memoir kind of book It's not a big deal Yes, in the back A love affair Oh yeah Right

[85:42]

Right I know Right Right Right Yeah, it's difficult Well, you know, you have to be understanding of everyone and it certainly would be better if you didn't indulge in creating more confusion but just could acknowledge what anybody was saying and not condemn anybody or tell people what to do You know, these things happen because of causes and conditions in people's lives People do things very often foolishly because they're driven to them, who knows why So, it's not surprising

[86:46]

So, we're not surprised when these things happen We say, well, of course, naturally These things are going to happen And everybody is not sufficiently attuned to the interesting process of their own life so we're terribly interested in other people's Especially if it has to do with sex or money or fame It's of enormous interest to us If we were really engaged with our own life it would be of only passing interest I mean, it's not that interesting, you know It really isn't But we're not, we're really, you know, kind of bored and so, wow, that's really And then we speculate and we this and then we that and then we disagree with each other and so on So one has to say, when that happens, of course that would happen naturally, we expect that But we don't need to indulge in it ourselves and we just need to be patient with it and, you know You'd be surprised the extent to which

[87:50]

a person who does not engage in those sorts of things without doing anything rather not doing something but not doing something can be very provocative and influential Like when somebody comes rushing up to you to gossip about it and you smile and say, oh well You don't have much to say, you don't feed the fuels of the fire Then they find themselves standing there with their mouth open How come she's not, you know, playing this game? Well, alright, I guess I'll have to go back to work And if three people are talking about it and you're not condemning them If you condemn them and say, you shouldn't be talking about that Then that's something they can get into too Who does she think she is? Blah, blah, blah She did this and she did that But if you're just politely listening and not expecting that anybody's going to be different but you're not adding fuel to the fire then they walk away from the conversation, what was weird about that? Why wasn't that as satisfying as it usually is?

[88:52]

I don't know, they don't know why But they notice, you know, that wasn't as much fun to talk about them as it usually is Then the next time, you know, it's less fun and then pretty soon they get tired of it Something else, of course, that's fun will come along So, if it's not the people in the office then they'll talk about something on the TV or something You know, the soap opera or something So it happens, but we don't need to be pulled into these things We can keep our balance On the time, yeah Yeah Uh-huh

[90:03]

Uh-huh Uh-huh Maybe more important than what they think? Uh-huh [...] Well, I think that what this man said before sounded good to me

[91:07]

He said, you love them without conditions, right? That's what you said You don't know what they're going to do or how your daughter or son will be but you love them and you want the best for them whatever it is and then you take care of your own practice and you're an example That was the other thing he said You yourself are an example and they see that and we don't know what they'll do with it, but it's there So those two things, I think, are probably the best thing And then after that, just listening and being concerned but it's not easy because it's not easy to watch someone make what looks very much to you like a mistake and sometimes, this is the hardest thing, right? Your child looks like they're making a mistake that will cause them pain and you are standing there watching it This is the most difficult thing, but this is what you have to do sometimes because you're telling somebody I mean, not that you can't, I don't say you can't say anything

[92:09]

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