Good morning. This is, as my kids would say, an awesome number of people to be speaking to this morning, particularly considering that we spent yesterday in silence. I would like to begin by reading a quotation for you from the American writer Willa Cather. Where there is great love, there are always miracles. Miracles rest not so much upon faces, or voices, or healing power coming to us from afar off, but on our perceptions being made finer, so that for a moment our eyes can see

[01:02]

and our ears can hear what there is about us always. A fine expression of what the Buddha's teachings are about, that is, being awake, being awake to things as they are. What I would like to talk about this morning is the practice of patience. A little over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to be present for a teaching that the Dalai Lama gave on a text which Norman referred to several weeks ago when he lectured here. By an 8th century meditator and teacher, scholar, named Shantideva. A very beautifully written text on the Bodhisattva's Way.

[02:10]

And the 6th chapter in that text is on the practice of patience. And I've been studying this chapter and some commentaries on the text more recently. Partially because I was so moved from reading the text and listening to the Dalai Lama's teaching on the text when I heard it a year ago, and because in the time since then I've continued to find it very useful. One of the first things that one might note in looking at this text is the suggestion that patience may be practiced as an antidote to anger. Something, some of us anyway, struggle with.

[03:13]

Anger or frustration or upset about things being different than we want them to be. Are upset with either what is happening which we do not want to happen, or what is not happening which we want to happen. Part of the practice of patience can begin with some consideration of the consequences of anger. And in fact Shantideva expresses quite clearly that even after practicing for lifetimes virtuous activity, all of that can be destroyed in one moment of anger.

[04:16]

And don't we all know that kind of emotion which seems to burst forth with some extraordinary energy, obliterating everything in our way. Anger is sometimes described as a poison. And if we're feeling angry, what happens? If we have been used to having a calm mind, it's gone. The food that we eat tastes disagreeable. We find ourselves feeling restless, unable to sleep or sleeping fitfully. Whatever it is that we have enjoyed about the day, about those that we love and live

[05:22]

with suddenly changes in tone and feeling and seems disagreeable. And when we think of someone who is angry, or if we've had the occasion to catch a glimpse of ourselves when we're angry, we often think in terms of being red in the face. And in fact this emotion is often depicted in paintings and drawings as a kind of red-faced demon. Miserable and ugly. And in fact, how do we all feel when we're around someone who is angry? Isn't it the case that usually we want to get away from that energy, that expression?

[06:26]

And so, if we're feeling angry and miserable, what happens over time if this emotion, this state of mind continues, is that we become isolated, abandoned by those around us. And sometimes when we're in this condition where we are consumed with this emotion, we think that the trouble lies outside of ourselves. But perhaps it's more accurate to say that the suffering and difficulty is coming from within. And that is what influences our perception of the world around us. We can see so much more clearly when we observe another person's life circumstance,

[07:35]

how if someone is angry and mistrustful, they almost create the very difficulties they're unhappy about with the expression, the scattering of that energy around themselves. But when each of us is in the midst of this emotion, we forget all of that. So one of the things that Shantideva suggests is that we begin by contemplating the consequences and the causes and conditions of anger in those moments when we are not so caught up in the midst of it. And if we're willing to observe the characteristics, the specific detail of anger, if we can allow ourselves to look at the events, the circumstances

[08:39]

from which this emotion has arisen, there is a way in which we can prepare ourselves to let loose of it, to not be so interested in cultivating this poisonous and troublesome emotion. Quite the opposite. We may feel from such a consideration encouraged to practice some antidote, to find some way of freeing ourselves from anger and frustration and the suffering that inevitably comes with it. So the first thing we do in the practice of patience is to first consider the disadvantages of anger. The next step in Shantideva's presentation about patience

[09:46]

is to then allow ourselves to consider the advantages of patience. And when I was looking at my notes from His Holiness's teachings last winter in India on this text, I remembered feeling very moved by listening to him talk about how grateful he was to the Chinese who had invaded Tibet because they had become his teachers in the cultivation of patience. I thought that was pretty amazing. Especially in the midst of all of these Tibetan people who would tell pretty extraordinary stories about the suffering that they had experienced under the Chinese regime in Tibet. One of the things that the Dalai Lama commented on was how difficult,

[10:52]

how troublesome it is when a teacher has many, many students and things are going very well, and how under those circumstances the teacher sits back and thinks that everything is wonderful, and basically this is a situation in which for that teacher he or she can be in very big trouble. And that in some ways that was something of the situation that he was in in Tibet. Or at least the situation he was headed towards. And he commented on what a difference had occurred in his life because he and many of the Tibetan people had had to flee from Tibet in 1959 and had gone to India to find a way to start their lives again.

[11:56]

And how out of that difficulty he had learned to cultivate patience and that he had learned something about how to be a better practitioner on the way and how convinced he was of the importance of following the Buddha's teaching under these new circumstances. And to express in a very heartfelt way his gratitude to the Chinese for putting him in this circumstance where he could not so easily lose his way. And to be grateful for seeing how clearly cultivating patience and calmness and equanimity, how important that was to him. How what he wanted most in the world was loving kindness and respect and harmony. And that he would commit himself to the enactment of that in the world

[13:06]

for himself and his people and in fact all beings. A few days ago I had another experience of the advantage of patience. My stepfather died last May and I found I'm an only child and my mother who is in her early 80s refused to move from the little town where she lives to be closer by so that I could take care of her. And in fact I had to take some realistic appraisal of her situation and my relationship to her because she's at some long distance and the consequences of how she lives are quite difficult.

[14:09]

She is an alcoholic and very stubborn and pretty self-destructive. One of the things that immediately concerned me was the fact that she would be drinking and driving and we had some pretty tense difficult sessions in those first weeks after my stepfather died about her driving. And I went through all kinds of trials and tribulations about figuring out how to get her license away from her, stealing the car keys, one thing and another. After a few weeks it became abundantly clear to me that I was not going to be successful in getting my mother to let me take care of her or in getting my mother to live her life the way I thought she ought to.

[15:11]

That she was thoroughly and completely dedicated to living her life the way she was going to live her life. And I had some sleepless nights about what would happen in particular for other people if she were to get out in her big American car and drive into someone. And in spite of myself I was a little bit patient initially, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. So I was patient perhaps by default. But what I discovered was that in fact because she was actually quite upset, she wasn't driving around in her car, she was letting her neighbor do errands for her. And at some point fairly early in the summer I just gave up trying to get her to do anything.

[16:13]

And literally before my eyes I saw her relax when she realized I wasn't going to try to make her do anything. And I was able to say to her quite clearly what my fears and concerns were, but to also express that I understood that I could not make her do anything at all, but that I hoped she would take care of herself, that she would not hurt herself or someone else. So in the months since then she has actually driven very little. And then one day about a week after her birthday in November, after her license had expired, she in fact went to the DMV and it was a busy day and they gave her an extension until the end of January

[17:15]

without asking this nervous old woman to take a driver's test of any sort. They just gave her an extension. And I thought, oh, I can't believe it. On Thursday when I spoke with my mother, she said, you'll be happy to know that I've decided not to renew my driver's license. It doesn't seem realistic and it's not worth the anxiety of going to pass the test every year. And I exhaled and told her how glad I was that she'd come to this decision. And after I hung up the phone, I thought, isn't it interesting? All of that flapping my wings that I had gone through, all of my fussing and fuming, and in fact being kindly,

[18:21]

being direct about my concerns, but also accepting my limitations in the situation, and in fact being patient, kindly, realistically patient, the situation had worked itself out. And more and more these days I notice, as I have picked up this cultivation of practice, of patience, what I've noticed is that there is much less to do each day than I have thought most of my life. That in fact, if I'm quiet and calm and stay in touch with my interest in loving-kindness, concentration, equanimity,

[19:24]

that there is less and less that I need to or can fix in the world. That each of us, when we have some spaciousness within ourselves and from each other, can in fact pick up what it is we can and need to do. And that the practice of patience allows that spaciousness somehow. Shantideva says in the 10th verse in chapter 6, Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied? Pretty clear. Not so complicated.

[20:30]

In other words, to look at the situation that I'm in, and if there is something that I can do, something that I can take care of, I may do that. But that may depend exquisitely on my ability to be reasonable, to have some common sense, to be willing to see things as they are, rather than seeing things as I want them to be. But that also will depend upon my understanding those things that are beyond my doing. There are some small practices that we can do to cultivate this state of mind, this patience, and this ability to see things as they are.

[21:34]

For some of you who have heard me talk here before, you know how much I love the practice of the half smile. But I do find it a deeply penetrating and useful practice, in particular in working with an emotion like anger. This practice of lifting the corners of the mouth for the space of three full breaths. And if I've done that practice often enough, in some ordinary daily circumstance, it in fact does occur to me when I'm feeling frustrated or angry, oh, now's the time when I can do the half smile. And when that thought occurs, and I in fact do the half smile,

[22:37]

in the midst of anger, I actually have some room to step back from whatever it is that's going on, and what I notice is that I see a little more clearly what's actually going on. I'm a little more likely to remember my intention not to act from such an emotion. I'm a little less likely to act on or maybe even have thoughts of retaliation, I'm going to get even. Or that kind of blindness in losing one's way that comes with intense anger and rage. There's also a practice of taking on the point of view of the other person,

[23:40]

saying to myself, can I imagine what may be going on for this person in this situation? Can I imagine what the circumstances, what the causes and conditions may be that have led this person to be expressing themselves in this situation as they are? Some years ago, a friend of mine who's a therapist told me about what she calls the 98% rule, which is kind of a version of this practice of taking on another's point of view. The 98% rule goes something like 98% of what any of us says, no matter what we're talking about, is really a statement about ourselves. And what I've noticed in my experience with other people is that if I listen to what someone else is saying,

[24:45]

even if they're speaking about me or something I've done, as they're telling me something about what's going on with them, what is of concern to them or what's upsetting to them, what is their issue, there's a way in which I can step sympathetically into the other person's shoes. And so all of my need to be reactive or defensive or angry slips away. And my ability to be patient and to cultivate sympathy with myself and with another person seems to increase. You might try it on and see if you find that way of listening to yourself and others useful. It's a device for cultivating one's ability to listen

[25:51]

and to let settle or be quiet the impulse to act first and consider and look around second. We can also cultivate patience with small things. We can cultivate patience with having a fly settle on my cheek when I'm sitting quietly somewhere and not so quickly move my hand to brush it away. If I have an itch somewhere on my face or back or arms, I can cultivate patience in some small way by sitting quietly with that sensation. I can practice patience with heat or cold

[26:57]

or the wind or the rain. And in fact, if I practice patience with these small things, what will happen is that my capacity for being patient with the bigger sufferings, what Stephen Levine calls the 500-pound weights, will in fact develop. Rather than thinking, oh well, I will wait until some big trouble comes and then I will try to be patient. I don't know about this trying business. We can simply begin right now, sitting here together in this room. If we have some small physical discomfort, can we sit with the discomfort for a little while rather than so quickly to adjust ourselves to be more easy?

[28:04]

And in fact, isn't that one of the things that happens when we are sitting cross-legged practicing zazen and our legs begin to hurt? We learn something about patience and equanimity and calmness in sitting quietly with those relatively small pains so that when some big suffering, some sickness, or when it comes, our dying, we're ready. We have actually cultivated the calmness of mind that comes with patiently enduring the suffering we cannot do anything about. In other words, we can make what is uncomfortable

[29:07]

or the source of displeasure, that area of our lives that has to do with things happening we do not want to happen, instead of pushing them away or trying to change what we cannot change, we can actually make them a little familiar. And if you think about it for a few minutes, you may realize that, for most of us, we are able to be with what is familiar much more easily than being with what is unfamiliar. Friday night and yesterday it was rather cold and as we were sitting together during that time, for some of us, we were quite cold. And often what happens when people feel cold

[30:09]

is a kind of fear, will I ever be able to get warm again? And of course, ironically, that fear brings with it a kind of intensification of the sensation of cold. What happens when we explore the detail of the sensation sitting in this room when it's cold? What happens in this room when the stove is lit and it's very cold and we hear the crackling of the fire? And I would guess that the stove heats the room very little, if at all. But we feel better because we hear the crackling of the fire. Our mind has some idea that, oh, the fire is burning, so we're warmer. Could we also allow ourselves to sit in the cold room

[31:13]

and allow the sensation as it is rather than the sensations we're afraid we're going to feel or we might feel. And let the cold become a little bit familiar before we put on our blanket and coat and hat and many layers of warm underwear, etc. If this quality of peacefulness comes from within, then I am more likely to have a calm mind, a mind which will not be disturbed by whatever happens, which is not to say that I will not feel compassion

[32:15]

with the sufferings of the world, including my own, but that I will be able to cultivate equanimity. And from this condition, all beings will be my friend. Think how wonderful it is to be around someone who is joyful and happy and how much we want to be with such a person. And think about how we feel about being with someone who is angry. We may stay with such a person because we love them, but after a while, we will probably want to go away. With the mind dwelling in patience, it remains calm and untroubled, and we are able to smile.

[33:18]

Where there is great love, there are always miracles. Miracles rest not so much upon faces or voices or healing power coming to us from afar off, but on our perceptions being made finer so that for a moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what there is about us always. Before we do the closing chant, I want to recognize a source of confusion. We seem to have two copies of the chants which we do on Sunday morning that were out on the table. Some of them are the old, version of the Four Vows,

[34:28]

and some are the new version of the Four Vows. And we happily distributed both versions. Some demonic instinct. Anyway, what I would like to do is to recite the newer version which we are practicing these days and ask that this be the version we chant together to conclude our lecture. Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to cut through. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. So if you don't have that version, maybe you can listen in.

[35:32]

Thank you very much.

[35:35]

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