Since your tour around took so long, maybe we don't have time for much discussion or questions. So if you ask simple, easy to answer, short questions, this will go very quickly. If you ask challenging, demanding questions, we'll be here all afternoon. Oh, but maybe it might even be shorter then. Because then there'd be nothing to say. But we sure have accomplished a lot in this week. And since this was a work week, not so much a practice week, I'd also like to know if any of you want to comment.

[01:04]

on how the practice part of the schedule was. Of course, the work is also practice. But still, the more formal practice, the zazen and so forth. Did you think this was a good way to do this? And should we do it again? Okay. I think we should do it again. Yeah, I know, of course, yes. I felt very good this weekend. I'm happy and grateful for it. And I'm happy how you all participated and how you immersed yourself into this work practice.

[02:38]

And for that I want to thank you. And for me it's also the question, because the surprising thing about the participants for me and for us here was For me, it's also the question, because the surprising thing about the participants, the surprising thing for us all here was that there were a lot of, or mainly new people, or almost new people here. That's why in April we have the plan, the daily plan, actually on practicing and advanced practicing aligned with a large formal practice. In April, we designed the schedule for people who have already been practicing for some time. And it didn't really work.

[03:40]

In the conversation we had for our first meeting, it came out that it was too much of a challenge for people. And now we have taken it back. For my feeling, we have a much easier plan, from the formal aspect, with more work done. And for me, the question is also, how did it go? How should we do this? Is it possible? And what is the amount of work? How is it possible? And should we continue like this? For me also the question is, how did you feel about this? Should we do it again this way, or how should be the proportion between practice and work? You don't have any question, okay.

[04:48]

I'd like to... I really liked this week and it was kind of easy going for my feeling. And I also think we should repeat it maybe two times a year like this year. Parallel dazu gibt es so ein Gefühl, das sehr schwer ist. Paralleling this, I have also a feeling that it's kind of heavy. Und es ist... Dieser Avalokiteshvara ist mein großer Held irgendwo, weil er die... I wonder if Kiteshpura somehow is my hero because he can see and accept suffering and pain in this world.

[06:07]

He reminds me of looking at things and accepting them. But my big question is, how does he really accomplish to do that? It's a question and at the same time a statement where I stand. It's not so easy for me. So that's a question, but it's also just a statement of where I'm at, and I notice how difficult it is the more I open up to see and accept. Okay. You know, there's a famous question, you know, Avalokiteshvara is often portrayed with a thousand arms and eleven heads.

[07:26]

And the question is, why does Avalokiteshvara have so many hands and eyes? And maybe this week the answer is so she can come to work week at Johanneshof. So, but also, you know, maybe, you know, I... I was here this week. I didn't participate much, but I did give two tea shows.

[08:33]

Maybe that took some work time away. I'm not asking for anything except, was it useful for me? Was it a useful part of it? Sure, yeah. Maybe it also took away some of my working time. I ask myself, was it helpful that I was there and gave lectures? Should I come back next year? I have a small question. I have a statement and maybe then also a little question. First of all, I think it was good that for somebody like me who could only participate for a shorter amount of time to also have the possibility to come or join the group.

[09:35]

It was very easy to join the group. Working here, that came up for me during sitting this morning, is that it really connects me with the place. It weaves me together with it. And it shows me how different the quality of these kinds of work is that this kind of work has here, because I do similar work in my house at home. And I found the lectures very helpful to bring together for me practice and work. The question is, at home I don't have so many people with whom I work. I don't have the lectures. So the question is, how do I get more practice in my home at home?

[10:42]

So at home I don't have the people to work with and not the lectures, so the question is how do I get the practice into my work also at home? Yeah, sure, sure. Well, I don't know. You also bring a feeling of practice here to the work. Practice doesn't appear here magically because it happens to be in the black forest or something. It happens because each of us bring practice to our work. So it helps to have other people.

[11:58]

But you would have to do it by yourself, I'm sorry. And I'm sure you do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you have anything like sitting in your place, or can you do anything like that? With the young people? Yeah. But with your staff? Yeah. Who do you do it with? From myself and in the sangha. I see. But in your place where you work, you can't bring in practice in some way, or sitting? I had some sessions there. Not in the normal... I see. I mean, I think this is, I forget it. I think my question maybe is, I forget it all the times. Family, it is better to remember. If I do something, I say, okay, maybe I'll be breathing and doing together.

[13:01]

Now I'm here, and this is what I forget normally in my human life. And in the evening when I sit, I remember, oh, I was so angry, and I was this and this and this. Yeah, it's interesting. We have to remember to bring attention to our breath, Maybe after a while our breath reminds us to bring attention. It's your breathing. I think you still breathe when you're there, don't you? Okay, Nico? Nico? The feeling in the group I found particularly light or easy.

[14:06]

And also for us who came later or from outside, it was easy to join the group. So I think extent of formal practice maybe was the reason for this kind of lightness, that it brings up this lightness and not so much psychological? Wie würdest du sagen?

[15:07]

That the extent of formal practice led to physical relaxation, not so much to psychologically group dynamic processes, because there wasn't so much sitting. And there was also a balance just because of the physical work. I think it was also a very pleasant point that you didn't have to pay anything, but that there was a give and take, which felt very pleasant to most people. I think for most people it was also a nice feeling that they didn't have to pay and it was just giving and taking in exchange. I'm grateful for every lecture that Roshi gives me. And of course also in the context of a work week, so I wouldn't ask the question whether it fits in, it fits beautifully.

[16:11]

how one can expect peace in the world if one fails to harmonically express one's very immediate small environment. So although I emphasized the lightness or easiness of this week, I was particularly touched by how you, Roshi, asked us to ask ourselves how peace can be brought about in the world if we don't Okay, if we can make peace here or... Sorry. And so this leads to a kind of question. When... I think it can be observed that we have almost... I have a question, and it seems to me that we... So I have a feeling that we have a tendency to keep a certain level of conflict in a group and not solve it.

[17:43]

It's obvious that there will always be conflict, but I think we could be more skillful in putting an end to them or in solving them. So my question is, where does that come from, that we're almost forced to keep this, what I'd call, how would you translate it? A basic buzzing, I feel not. The kind of compulsive is to keep a pound of conflictedness beneath our committee. Why can't we just don't do that? We have strong tendency to always return to difficulty. If we see it on such a big scale, as you said, how can we expect the world to be more harmony when we can harmonize our small area of family and group?

[19:16]

True. You know, a friend of mine, Stuart Brand, who did the whole earth catalogue, Whole Earth Catalogue. Was that something people knew about in the 60s and 70s? And he was so convinced after years of trying all kinds of different, being aware of different social experiments, that you could never get rid of this conflict. So he was thinking of kind of designing a commune at some time. Yeah, and he was going to put a line down the middle of it.

[20:22]

And he was going to call, everybody who lived on this side was going to be called, I don't know what, I can't remember, the A's and the people on this side were the B's. And he thought this would bring the conflict out into the open. And then the A's would complain about the B's and the B's would complain about the A's and not so much about themselves. And the problems between the A's and B's would be fairly easy to solve. It was a vivid experience for me to watch my daughter Sally in games in first grade in Japanese elementary school.

[21:31]

Yeah, and, you know, sociologists say that wet rice culture in China and Japan develops this kind of group ability to function in groups very well. Even around here, there's all these swamps and drainage. They have to have real complicated who gets water when. All Japan and China is like that. People really have to cooperate or there's no food. Every rice field is connected to every other rice field. But also there's many, many other.

[22:48]

It's not just something simple like that. There's many built-in little devices to work with, to emphasize cooperation rather than competition. Okay. So, for example, they have races. And they put a group, five or six girls or boys, you know, like in a line. And they have five or six more girls and boys in line, et cetera, right? And the first group, they say, go. Off they go. Okay, and just like that, okay, boom, the second group goes. Then the third group and the fourth group, they're all totally mixed up.

[23:52]

You can't, because the third group has got a faster one that's ahead of the first group, and no one knows who's winning. There's no possibility of figuring out who's winning. Nobody knows, did you start in the third group, and now you're, nobody knows. And the end of the race is only when everyone gets across the line. Everyone has a really good time, but there's no winner. And they have another one where you have a whole bunch of red balls and white balls. People have these little Japanese-style baseball caps which have a rim about this wide. Little caps. And they're the red hats and the white hats.

[24:55]

And they hold a basket up in the air on the end of a bamboo pole. And there's about a whole bunch of red balls and white balls, I don't know, 50 or so. So all the red balls, all the red hats pick up red balls and et cetera, white hats, white balls. And the idea is to throw the balls up into the basket that's up at the end of this pole, which one red and one white are holding the basket, holding the pole. So the kids start throwing the balls up, Chris. Yeah, and they're only four or five or, I don't know, maybe five or six years old.

[25:59]

And very few of the balls get into the basket. So you end up with a kind of rain shower of red and white balls. They keep falling down and the kids are picking them up and throwing them back up. And after five minutes or something they say stop. And then they give it a kind of nice formality. Maybe out of the 50 balls, about 18 are in the basket. So then they, the neck to the pole, one white one, they pick up the balls and they throw them up in the air and they say, they throw them up together. So... Again, I didn't get that. Yeah. So, say you're a red and I'm a white, right? You pick up a red ball and I pick up a white ball, and we both throw up one at a time together, counting.

[27:04]

So I throw one up and you throw it, and everybody screams, Ichi! That's one. And then you say, Ni! San, Shi, etc. And around 15... There's no more red balls, only white balls left. So the reds fall silent. And the whites say, 15, 16, and then 8. And the whites say, 15, 16, and then 8. So the whites all cheer and they raise their hats and they cheer, etc., right? Then you notice that the inside of the white hats is red. And the inside of the red hats is white. So they all take their hats and they push them in and everybody switches sides and then they go again.

[28:08]

And then they turn the hats over and they change sides and then it starts all over again. So if all through your school years the games are like this, and the whole thing of how you don't take things personally is developed, Don't take things personally. If you develop a way that you don't take things personally. Yeah, so the whole, you know, the whole process is, I mean, it's a long process to teach a culture to lower conflict. When I came here for the work week, I came a few days earlier I thought maybe there will be a little ceremony to start the work week.

[29:30]

I just noticed or just observed that, that we didn't have it. For me, work is an approach or a noticing, making visible of that everything that I do and that I am is incomplete. And also in this sense, I really appreciated the Taishos, because they supported that we are incomplete.

[30:30]

For me, the idea or motivation to work in a practical context For me, the idea or the motivation for working in a practice context is to get away from having things or trying to complete things but seeing that everything remains incomplete. My question is So my question concerning that is... Maybe it goes into the direction of how you describe these games. How in our practice can we approach this, that we become more aware of our incompleteness?

[31:52]

In particular for us who really had quite a different education. How can we do that? Well, I don't know what to say except what we're doing here. And I try to, you know, I try to leave some things, many things, up to us to decide. So if we have a ceremony at the beginning, I want to see if anybody suggests it. I feel I'm trying to bring a kind of loose, well, a specific, very particular framework of practice.

[33:14]

Yeah, and then... But a lot of things I just want to leave open. So I've been a part of... organizing work weeks for 30 years. But I didn't do much for this. You did it. And others in the staff here decided. I kind of go along with it, but I see what happens. If people want to do it, who comes, and so forth. So what happened seems good.

[34:26]

If we want to have more of some kind of little beginning ceremony end, we can. Zen has a little ceremony book. You figure, okay, you do this and this. And if we want to have a little ceremony at the beginning or at the end, then we can do that. And then there might be a book of ceremonies where it says, ah, you have to do that now. Yes. I liked the week. The proportion between sitting and work I found right for me. Because when you sit too much, you can't work. And the work needs some space. It's not something you can do on the side. And also the difference between working and sitting is not so big.

[35:34]

I also liked the lectures. The second lecture was far out. It was fantastic, really great. From the first to the last syllable I was sitting there with two big ears and I enjoyed it very much. It's very nice to meet people here. They're all interesting and particular people. I get used to not feeling at home anywhere.

[36:41]

It's strange. Maybe it's because of age. Don't look at me. I don't know how you feel. I don't know. And there was something else. I forget. No. The question is, what about this not feeling at home anywhere? Is that normal? How can I say what's normal and not normal?

[37:48]

For me it's normal to feel at home pretty much everywhere. But I'm much younger than you. Oh, now I know what I wanted to say. I think that's interesting. Where did you have that? In synanon, in my community, we always had fights or conflicts. Because they were just crazy people who were addicted to fighting.

[38:50]

He worked with addicted people. He worked with addicted people. Three times a week we had our meetings. They were called games. And all of the fighting took place there. Verbally. And nowhere else. Außerhalb der Spiele musste sich jeder gut benehmen. Outside of the games everybody had to behave properly. Und er musste freundlich sein, egal ob er es war oder nicht. And they had to be friendly, no matter whether they felt like it or not. Und wenn das Spiel zu Ende war, war auch der Streit zu Ende.

[39:55]

When the game was over, the fight was over too. We turned around and then we had something to eat and went to bed, for example. If that works, it leads to friendship. That's a delicate, delicate balance thing. Because it also encourages the fighting. But the fight somehow has to get up. When everybody is part of that, it gets balanced somehow.

[41:03]

It's hard to describe. It's an experience. I mean, just concerning what Nico said about this level, this basic level of conflict. Well, there isn't much time to talk about this. But sometime I'd like to talk to you personally about Synanon in Europe and so forth. What's the guy who founded Synanon? What's his name? The founder? Chuck Diedrich, yeah. So Chuck Diedrich founded Synanon. Synanon in the 60s or something like that?

[42:09]

In 58. 58? And it worked with, in the United States, it worked with mostly drug addicts, right? And Ingo, I believe, you were the founder of Synanon in Europe. So Chuck Diedrich, I can't really remember whether I met him or not, but I had some kind of relationship with him, with or without meeting him. But a lot of people I knew were involved with Synanon. And I think it might be useful in light of what we're talking about to mention this a little bit. So, Sukershi came to America in 1958.

[43:14]

Okay, sure, all right. And you have to go, too? And... So Synanon developed at the... I don't know when after, but John Maher was part of Synanon. He was kind of Dietrich's helper or something, or co-helper, one of the main ones. One of the big hopes. He should have taken it all, but he went away and did his own. John Maher? John Maher. John Maher was, so to speak, Jack Dietrich's... And then he founded Delancey Street. And Delancey Street worked primarily with ex-convicts.

[44:16]

And Nancy Street mainly worked with former prisoners. And he married Mimi Sagan. Was that her name, Mimi Sagan? Silbert. Mimi Silbert, yeah. Mimi Silbert. Mimi Silbert married him. Who was actually a philosopher and a student of Sartre or something like that. Who was actually a philosopher and a student of Sartre or something like that. And John Maher was quite a good friend of mine. He had the most unbelievable flow of profanity. Yeah, flow, just unbelievable. You can't believe how he could think of so many so-called dirty words to say in one sentence. Instead of prison talk. alcohol, drug talk, etc.

[45:40]

But he did it really to shock the socialites and such people who supported him. I'd be at a meeting with him with people and he would... I mean, people were kind of... And then afterwards he and I'd talk and it was all gone. And Delancey Street started a restaurant and so forth. And Zen Center started a restaurant. And Delancey Street and Zen Center and Synanon all kind of watched each other. Because we were big, successful groups, all funded by the same people, a lot of the same people. And we needed a backhoe. A backhoe?

[46:40]

A bugger. One of these big things. A bugger, yeah. We would borrow it from Chuck Diedrich. I'd call up Synanon, and they'd say, oh, yeah, we'll send a truck over, and we'll send this, and then... And when I moved to Santa Fe, it's Delancey Street Moving Company, which moved me from San Francisco to San Francisco. And let me take two or three years to pay the bill. But, and these groups were also related. Mike Murphy, who was just here a couple of months or so ago, is the founder of this group. Okay, so what am I saying here?

[47:43]

I'm responding partly to what you guys said. And I don't think it's an accident that Andreas is able to help us so much, because he also has a group that does something similar to what we're talking about. Working with kids and so on. So these groups founded around ways to think about actually conflict resolution. And most of the theoretical work was actually done at Esalen. Yeah, Fritz Perls and Gestalt Therapy and all that stuff. Developed and promulgated their theories from Esalen. So Chuck Diedrich developed and then John Maher continued a very specific way of kind of getting groups to fight together in a way to resolve things.

[49:05]

And a lot of all of this flowed right into the Rajneesh thing in Germany. What did he call himself at the end? Osho, which is strange because it's the Japanese word meaning head of the temple or something. Osho, that's strange. This Japanese term, the leader of the temple, is called, right? Yes, and the people who developed the Rajneesh technology, social technology, mostly all came from Iceland. And these people who... So there's none of the groups from the 60s and 70s that weren't influenced by this kind of... One aspect of it was cinema.

[50:08]

And the degree to which it affected Zen Center is, I don't know, it's too complicated to speak about. But it takes, what I'm saying is, that the formation of Zen Center in the 60s and 70s was part of many complex interactions throughout the whole American society. with a lot of actually the theorists coming from Germany to America, like Fritz Perls. But now in the next, this new millennium, We're in a different atmosphere.

[51:34]

No, I don't know what, you know, this now is not a time to discuss it, but I am wondering what other dynamics will be part of developing Sangha in Europe. And you asked me a question last night, something about the formality or the something. What was your question last night? How we do things the particular way we do things. Yes, what do you think it fits in? Why do you think I just mentioned it? I wasn't just being nice to you. So this question is about the We've seen the folkloristic side of... Folklore?

[52:49]

Folkloristic side of symbolism. Doing lots of, in a way, crazy things. Oh, that's not... Whatever it is, it's so many, many things. I like it, but... I asked this guy, that's a clown that was here for one night. Peter Dreyer, yeah? I can't remember his name. I asked him if he could do a thing as a Buddhist ceremony. As a clown. To clown it, you mean. Yeah. Very good. Yeah, thanks. Now he got a bad one. My question is, what are we doing here? Well, there's a lot of rituals in Zen Buddhism.

[54:20]

They're not so noticeable in Asia because the culture assumes that all form is ritual. no idea of natural that you may think you're doing it naturally but it's actually it's obvious that you are German or French or something because you do it a way that you picked up from your culture you call it natural but it's just French nothing So you might think what you are doing is natural, but it is obvious that you are German or French, because you are doing it in a way that you have learned in your culture. You might think it is natural, but it is French. So Buddhism says, okay, you all have a lot of acts that you think are natural. But those acts trap you in a certain way of being.

[55:22]

So a lot of the rituals are simply to do it differently than you have. And you have to do it some way. And then the root of the organization of the rituals In the background is a sense of the yogic body. I could illustrate that in many ways. But I won't.

[56:24]

You'll be here all afternoon. But just simply picking up a glass, you're picking up in relationship to the whole body. And you do it with two hands. Yeah. And rituals are just like the way that those kids are the white balls, red balls. The whole thing is a ritual. The games are rituals. They start a certain way, end a certain way. I mean, football all over Europe is a ritual. And it allows people to have certain emotions they wouldn't have otherwise. It's a ritual that the one team is from Munich.

[57:27]

Who the hell cares whether it's from Munich or not? People live in Munich, I guess. Then you have a terrible problem. You move to Hamburg, and then who do you root for? Once during a Super Bowl game in America, My friend Michael has a Super Bowl party every year. And they invite me, usually. Sometimes I can go. And they usually have some of the 49ers. This is all for San Francisco 49ers. And usually there's several 49er or former 49er players there. And the coach of the 49ers is a good friend of Michael.

[58:28]

So the 49ers are way ahead at the first half. And everyone was, of course, cheering. And I, at the end of the first half, said, The 49ers are doing very well. Let's all spend the second half cheering for the other team. Let's put the hats the other way. Put the red hat on. They exiled me to the room where there was no television set. There you have me in the room where there is no TV set.

[59:30]

So, I'm also interested in, maybe this is a good way for newcomers to come in the back door to Zen practice. But then we don't want you to come in the front door, because then if you do, you won't come next year to the practice, the work week. So don't start to practice, just come and work. Kesa? I did this in April, and I found it a little more relaxed and relaxed. I also participated already in April and for me I found this week more relaxed and easier. For one part because it was already familiar to me.

[60:42]

but also because we didn't sit during lunchtime and didn't do the service. It was more harmonious for me to sit in the morning and in the evening and to have the work in between, with the lunch break. And I would have just wished for another yoke in the evening. So to me, I had the feeling of more harmony to have sitting in the morning and in the evening and work in between and the lunch break, although I would have liked to also eat Oreo keys in the evening. For me it is very difficult to bring together practice or meditation and work. For me these are two worlds. While working for all my life, I had this problem of getting into an immense stress.

[62:16]

And it's good to work a little bit against it here and to experience that, yes, to not have the stress from the outside by you, to not be finished, to have to. And it feels good to hear go against that a little bit, to not have the stress put on me from the outside. I don't have to get finished or you don't put that on me. In April it was more difficult for me. I pressured myself a lot more and this time it was a little better already. What I would need would be someone who would come to me every five minutes. Yes, that's what I would wish for, someone who constantly reminds me to let go and to take the pressure off again.

[63:31]

That's what I would need, every five minutes at best. I would need somebody who... who came to me every five minutes and reminds me of letting go of the pressure. And if I take up what David says, maybe it would be possible if somebody went around with a bell every 15 minutes. We'll send somebody to go with you wherever you go.

[64:31]

I would love to. Maybe we reduce it to a little tiny bell you could keep in your pocket. You could have it in your pocket and it would ding. Okay, that would be an idea. This is an idea I have, how you could bring together practice and work, just this little reminder all the time. Instead of sitting Zazen again in the Rastal. For me, it would be nice and helpful to, let's say, for example, hear a little bell doing work and then stop.

[65:34]

And take a breath and then go back to work. Something like that. That could be Frank's job. Okay, thank you. Hildegard? Yesterday I got sick a little bit. And I still feel like during this half of a year that I lived here, it's still difficult for me to withdraw and not participate. And I ask myself, how is it possible to live here when you're sick or old?

[66:57]

On top of that, I have a little daughter, and I'm alone with her. And often I don't feel very good being with her in the group. There's some kind of pressure. Yeah, I can't choose. I often feel that people take her side and that it's hard for me to say that.

[68:04]

It's difficult to express. She's always sweet. And I have difficulties to you know, make my rules count. With her? With her. When you say people take sides, what are the two sides, you and her? So you think people side with her against you? Yes. That's too strong to say it that way, but when I'm here with her, the whole identification somehow works through her, or we kind of go together like in one ball. So people relate to her as much as you or sometimes to you through her.

[69:31]

Yeah. Well, again, if we had more time, we could actually have a discussion in a group, like a house meeting, if you were here, of if other people feel that or how other people experience this. But if you're feeling sick, you just have to have the confidence to take care of yourself. And my daughter? I don't know. It's the same. I don't know what the instance is. Oh, that we're both sick and that you had to take care of her.

[70:40]

Me? I did? Oh. Oh. Oh, I like taking care of her. Mm-hmm. I don't know. It was nice to have her upstairs the other night while you were in Zazen. She was very sweet. But her mother's sweet, too. But anyway, maybe we can talk about that at another time, not just this work week. Maybe we can talk about that another time, not just this work week. I'm so impressed by everything. I can't really say much. Maybe later. Okay. I'll keep it short.

[71:49]

I really enjoy working for other people. I've been doing it for seven months in different places all over Europe. And it's been for no exchange of money or anything, just, you know, this give and take situation. I think I work best when I have other people in mind. I think I work best when I think of other people. It's very nice to do that. Okay. Gisela? I was lucky to be with a young person again. Was he not dead? I was fortunate to again be together with a young person, my niece.

[73:01]

Well, nice. Last time Nora was here, she was 15 years old then, and these young people come here, especially if they don't know anything about it, with great questions. Both of them enjoyed the week here because it was somehow separate from this space of conflict in the world out there. But still both of them had this question like we use these words stillness or silence and peace.

[74:15]

And here in Johanneshof you come close to these words or concepts or words, yeah, but really it doesn't exist. Carmen is a photographer and she says she only sees it when she takes a picture. Carmen is a photographer and she says she can only see it, look at it when she takes a picture. And that's the moment of stillness. But in spite of this, she wouldn't really call it stillness. What is stillness? She always asked.

[75:35]

And I give it, I bring it up here. And what is hungry ghosts? Or what are hungry ghosts? Well, I think what you said, that stillness, that they come closer to what those words might mean here. Stillness is something we can come closer to. Hungry ghosts? Well, I mean, for us in practice... A hungry ghost is an unsatisfied part of yourself. No matter how much you feed it, its throat is so tiny it can't swallow anything. So from the point of view of practice it is all those things that disturb us that we try to satisfy but we can't.

[76:49]

Yeah. I feel a little bit like Gesa. I came here for the same reason and already at home I noticed now you really have to have to confront this issue.

[77:50]

And this has a particular background. From next year on, I will work with children a lot. meine Achtsamkeit und Aufmerksamkeit erfordert. And it's the kind of work that requires my attention and awareness. Und darum war der erste Vortrag für mich wie ein Geschenk. And because of that, the first lecture was like a gift for me. I kept looking at Sophia. And since I am a grandmother, I learned a lot from my grandchildren last year.

[79:02]

Just looking and giving them my attention. And that's enough. And that's something I hopefully can also do in my work. And the second lecture also confirmed something in myself of which I always had a feeling. that it's all about how I am in accord with myself and everything else takes care of itself and with that sitting helps with that

[80:23]

I am really filled with it. Okay, thank you. I have to say that the ceremonies were very different for me. The ceremonies really felt quite different. Sometimes they seemed strange and sometimes... The ceremonies like service, you mean, or zazen? I'm coming from a Christian tradition. Many things were strange to me, but others I could integrate or, well, transform sometimes.

[81:46]

And meanwhile it's beautiful for me to participate in your practice and still be a Christian. Okay, good. Thank you. Well, I don't know. For me, everything is very new. I think, well, probably I have thousands of questions, but at the moment, I can't think of one. Nothing comes to mind. I remember a woman at a meeting. The meeting was going on and she finally had to say something.

[83:01]

And she stood up and she said, I'm sorry, all my questions just sat down. She said, just like you, I had a thousand questions, but they just sat down. Can you remember one? Well, really, my question is how I can take this kind of concentration and work back home. I would suggest you come back occasionally. I mean, not just because it would be nice to see you again, but because we have a lot of habits. And usually those habits just take over when we're away from practice. So part of what this place is, is a reminder.

[84:16]

Until you can start reminding yourself. And the word may say something, re-minding ourself. At the moment I feel good. I can compare this week to the week in April. The schedule or the rhythm of the day felt good.

[85:21]

No one was exhausted. Did we have enough sleep? Yeah. I missed the sitting during lunchtime. Really, I think Roshi's lectures are really valuable. Also the two meetings we had in the evening to just acknowledge how everybody feels. My question is, you know, this kind of focused or concentrated work, I can take that back home. But in a similar way, this ease that was talked about in the beginning, that I would like to take home.

[86:38]

How do I do that? Well, I think if you, for me, I think everyone, if you recognize the feeling of it, you can come back to the... intend, but without making an effort, intend to come back to the feeling of. Charlotte Silver used to say, if you notice you're gritting your teeth, squeezing your jaw, you relax your jaw. Sometimes we hardly notice it. But if you notice it, you can relax your jaw.

[87:40]

And if you notice something tight is happening or stress is happening, immediately you stop. I say, to practice you need to take a kind of rule. Don't sacrifice your state of mind. Don't sacrifice your inner feeling of ease. If we all did that, we'd live in a different world. Some things wouldn't get done. But then we wouldn't care. Okay. During this week I experienced a pretty thing and also I dreamt about it this night.

[88:44]

Well, I'm a pro in painting, so yeah. And the tricks, you know, the tricks in painting that you can use, in this dream they were all little bonbons, we would say. Candy? Candy, yeah, candy. Bonbons, yeah. And they were all painting? No, they were just candy. And I gave them to other people, gave them out. And then they became, they turned into pralines, yeah. For me, these candies, for me, these tricks are something very usual or normal, but in the moment I hand them over, they turn into something pretty beautiful.

[89:54]

Oh, shit. Yeah. That was nice. Yeah. You know, at the beginning of the week, your face was kind of like this. And now your face is kind of like this. So bon bon. Yes. Yes. Well, I had a good week with working I didn't have resistance against doing either this or that I didn't have to pick and choose and I have also noticed that when I work in a concentrated and engaged way, that I like to work, that I really like to work and that it makes me happy.

[91:24]

And I noticed that if I'm able to keep being focused and fully engage myself in the work that I like to work, But then with the work coming more towards its end, I noticed that it's getting too much fun. Yesterday I would have liked to have maybe half a day off, And also then I noticed that during the work meeting when the work is distributed I felt some resistance and I said no to certain works that I was supposed to do.

[92:29]

So then I asked myself, should I have done this work which I had some resistance against? Should I have gone against my feeling? I don't know how to answer that. I just know that I chose a different job and I was happy with it. Well, I don't know how to answer that. I just know that I then chose a different kind of work and I was happy with it. Yes, and... I was wondering if...

[94:01]

So I ask myself, do I have the right to choose to be happy? And I realize that it was good for me to do this work, and now I know that tomorrow or in two days I would like to do the other work again, but it is not fundamental that I did not do the other work. So it's just because I chose this work and didn't do the other work, but now or tomorrow I could do this other kind of work. So it's not because I couldn't do it at all, but just that I felt better about this other work.

[94:58]

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