Om. [...] I've been asked and it has been suggested that I talk with you about how to work with

[02:56]

koans. Koans. So, my first thought is that I would say that the way to work with koans is the way of working with your life or life. I might say my life or your life, and it isn't that

[03:57]

I possess my life or you possess your life, but there is to some extent your life or my life in that you have a version of your life, and that's kind of your life. It's not the totality of your life, but it's something you're aware of. You're aware of your version of your life or your version of life. That could be called your life. And so the way of working with your version of life, we can talk about how that's the way to work with koans. So koans, or Zen stories, are problems of life, or they're life problems. It's the same

[05:15]

as saying they are themes for meditation. So if you look at your life right now as a theme for meditation, then you're working on a koan. If we look at our life now as something other than something to meditate on, and then later maybe we'll meditate on our life, then we're not working on a Zen story, or we're not working on a koan. We're waiting

[06:17]

until later to work on a koan, like maybe when you read a story later about something that happened in the past or some assignment you've been given to meditate on. So it's a subtle switch, you know, like you could be sitting in your so-called home, and you could be thinking that you have a class tonight or tomorrow night, and you'd like to present some teachings tomorrow night. So you have this story that you're thinking about some teachings you're going to present, but you're not meditating on what you're doing right

[07:21]

at the time. So then your thoughts about your teaching tomorrow night, your life of thinking about your teaching tomorrow night, is not a meditation topic for you. It's like some work you're doing, but it's not koan work. But when the mind switches and says, Oh, what I'm doing, this work I'm doing, for now or for later, this is actually a topic for meditation, now. Then, sort of instantly, you're enlightened. You're actually doing Zen work suddenly. The

[08:25]

class may never happen, or if it does, what it is, who knows what it's going to be. But the important thing is you're free, because you're doing your work. You're meditating on what you're doing at that time. And you have, in one way, the reason why you're meditating on what you're doing is because you have confidence that that's your job. That's always your job, and you have no other job, other than understand moment by moment that your life is your meditation. Or current assignments you have, or problems you have, that is the only Zen story that there really can be for you. And just a slight flicker, and you're sort of lost. What

[09:44]

you're doing is not a Zen story. It's your story, but your story is not a Zen story, because you don't treat it like a Zen story. But again, when you treat what you're doing right now, and right now, and right now, when you treat it as the practice of Zen, then it is. When you treat it as what you should be meditating on, and then you do the meditation, then your story, whatever it is, is a Zen story. Zen stories are about people who are meditating on

[10:51]

what they're doing. What they're doing is their practice. They may think that they're a Buddhist or something, but then they meditate on that kind of thinking. They don't believe that they're a Buddhist, or not believe they're a Buddhist. They study what their story is at the moment, like, I'm a Buddhist, or I'm not a Buddhist. If you think you're not a Buddhist, and you understand that that thought is your meditation topic, is what you have to meditate on, not exactly what you should meditate on, but all you have to meditate on, then you're practicing enlightenment. Now there's a story, a Zen story, about, one way to tell the story is, the

[11:56]

Bodhisattva Manjushri, the Prince of Dharma, the Bodhisattva of perfect wisdom, was, you could say, standing at a gate. Another way to tell it is, he was standing outside the gate, and the Buddha maybe was inside the gate, maybe the gate of a monastery. So you can say he was standing outside the gate, or you can say he was standing at the gate. And the Buddha says to Manjushri, Good, good, good son. Why don't you enter through the gate? And I hear Manjushri saying, I don't see

[13:06]

anything that is outside, therefore, how could I enter? I don't see any outside or inside, how can I enter? Now this is a story about a great Bodhisattva and the Buddha, but I was thinking about doing it, but I didn't, because there's so many people here, I didn't want to create a hubbub. But I was thinking about standing at the door there, and then asking people as they came to the door, but I thought

[14:07]

some more about it, and I thought, well, maybe nobody will stop at the door. But if you come to a door, do you realize that being at the door is a topic of meditation at the time of being at the door? And if it's a topic of meditation, do you stop and consider the problem of a door? Or do you say, no, I've got to go inside there and meditate. I'm not going to stop here at the door and meditate at the doorway, cause a traffic jam, etc. But if there was only one student and I was here first, and the

[15:09]

student was enlightened, they might stop at the door. Just come to the door and stop. And notice that there's no outside or inside, and then realizing there's no separation between outside and inside, graciously enter the room and sit down, without any sense of meditation starting outside at the gate or inside. In the story, it seems like Manjushri stopped to give the Buddha a chance to ask a question. How come you stopped? Why don't you enter? How could I enter? And also, the reason I stopped is so you'd

[16:16]

ask me that question so I could show you that I'm not fooled by inside and outside. And then the Buddha just feels very happy for this person who has a perfect body and a perfect mind of freedom. So if you think there's an outside, you don't have to stop thinking there's an outside if you think there's an outside, you can think if there's an outside. But thinking that there's an outside, if you're working on a koan, that's a meditation topic. It's not that you

[17:18]

believe there's an outside, you meditate on the thought that I'm outside. I'm outside is not reality unless you meditate on it. If you assume it's reality without meditating on it, it's a delusion. If you just see it as a thought and meditate on it, it's not a delusion. It's just a meditation topic. It's a problem to see if you can remember that thinking that you're outside this room is your meditation at that time. And then you might be very happy and say, I'd like to meditate on being inside the room. But by the way, before I go in, I actually can't find any outside. All I've got is the meditation called outside. That isn't really outside, it's just what I'm

[18:21]

meditating on. And now I'm inside and now I'm meditating on inside. So this inside and outside also applies to you and the Buddha, or you and the tradition. Like Nancy was telling us a few weeks ago, that she was feeling like a visitor or something like that. She was feeling like she was outside. And it seemed like she meditated on that. And somehow, almost like lost the outside. So again, I may think I'm inside, I may think I'm outside, and you may be like that too. The question is, when you think the way you think, do you think, do you remember that that's your meditation

[19:31]

topic? That your life is your meditation theme? Do you remember that? If you remember it, I wouldn't say you're inside, even though you're totally in accord with the Buddha ancestors, because that's what they do. They're the people who train long enough so they remember that their life is their meditation. Their meditation is their life. But they don't really think or believe that they're inside the tradition, that they're a member of the in-group. They are the body of the tradition. And the people who are the body of the tradition don't think that they're insiders or outsiders. They're

[20:31]

free of that. That's the tradition. The tradition is a tradition of being free of inside and outside the tradition. But everybody thinks they're inside, outside, or in between. Everybody thinks that now and then, or all the time. Everybody's concerned about whether they're a member of the in-group or not. That's fine when you think that way. If you remember that that thought is your wonderful work, it's your meditation now. Then you're relieved of whatever thought it is. Then what your thought is, like for example, I'm an insider, I'm an outsider, then your thought is a koan. It's a reality which you're trying to meditate on to understand how it's a reality. And if you don't meditate on it and just believe it, then it's

[21:42]

just a delusion. And you're not doing your job. And you're feeling stressed. Because you're doing your non-Zen job, which means you're postponing your Zen job, and that always feels stressful. But again, I propose to you that when you do your Zen job, you're relieved of the future. You're relieved of the future. And you're relieved of the past. And you're relieved of the present. Because you're working on what you need to work on.

[22:46]

And that's what takes care of the future. And that will help you see how in that space between you and the past, or in the meeting between you and the past, that's where the future is cared for. And in the meeting between you and the future, namely your thoughts of the future, and then your caring for that, you're relieved of the past. In this little story, everybody's in the family, and nobody's an insider. You're in the family where there's no separation between being in the family and being outside the family.

[23:52]

So Manjushri is definitely Buddha's child, and he's Buddha's child because he's free of being inside Buddha's family or outside Buddha's family. He's free of any separation between the two. So she's in the family, but she's not inside or outside the family. There really is no such thing that you can find. But when there appears to be such a thing, that's your life. And that's your meditation topic at that time. And if you wish that you had some other assignment, that wish is your assignment. And when you accept your assignment, you're relieved of all the other assignments which weren't given to you anyway, that you were worrying about.

[25:15]

And you can still think of those things if you remember that they're your meditation topic now. Yes. Can you hear her, Nancy? You're meditating on the idea of inside and outside. You're relieved of inside and outside. And I wondered if you could hold the thought, meditate on inside and outside, but maybe what I would be relieved of is the suffering, wondering inside or outside. Not necessarily of inside and outside.

[26:42]

Yeah, the same thing. Being relieved of inside and outside, you'll be relieved of the suffering of inside and outside. Yeah, you could. If you couldn't think inside and outside, then you couldn't be relieved of them. If you couldn't think of them, you wouldn't be relieved of them. Hmm? What? You wouldn't be suffering them, no. I don't know what you'd be doing, you'd have to tell me what you're doing. But being relieved of the suffering about inside and outside is the same as being relieved of inside and outside. And being relieved of inside and outside is the same as being relieved of the separation between them. And being relieved of the separation of them, you don't need to get rid of them.

[27:56]

I don't have an answer to this, but I'm wondering, my meditation right now is, what am I up to right now in this exchange with you? Pardon? I don't have an answer to this, but I'm wondering, what am I up to in this exchange with you right now? Yeah, you're wondering about that. And another little angle on that is, you're telling me you're wondering, but even if you weren't wondering, you could still be saying, my job is to be meditating on my current conversation. And while I'm meditating on the current conversation, I think part of my meditation is going to be wondering about it. That's the type of meditation I'm going to be doing right now. But the confidence that the center of your life is right here now. And we don't have to exclude non-central things to be at the center.

[29:11]

And now doesn't have to exclude past and future, as a matter of fact. Now has a past and has a future. And again, if I'm thinking of the future, like my class tomorrow night, and I'm doing my job while I'm thinking of the class tomorrow night, and my job is not to think of the class tomorrow night, it's to meditate on me thinking about the class. I can stop thinking about the class tomorrow night and think about the class last week. And my job is not to think about the class last week, my job is to realize that me thinking about last week, that's what I should be meditating on. Because my thinking about last week is my life manifesting as such a thought, and this is the koan. And the family style, the family tradition is this way of practice.

[30:24]

And when you do this way of practice, you're relieved of, you can think about the past and be relieved of it simultaneously, and you can think of the future and be relieved of it simultaneously. You can be thinking of the future and not be worrying about it anymore. Why? Because you're making your life the practice, you're making the practice your life. See it? Yes? I am offering you a concept. Okay. What I'm really saying is that when I think, when that koan on the level of mind is impossible.

[31:33]

Say again? Koan on the level of mind of thinking is impossible. It's contradictory. I'm not following you. Okay. Did you say koan on the level of mind is impossible? Right. It doesn't make sense. Just thinking about it, about any koan is kind of like impossible to do. Because it's not about the mind. And what I hear you say is when I can witness whatever is going on in my head, and be a witness to whatever thinking is going on, whatever is engaged, then this is meditation. When I have a thought that is more important than what I'm doing right in the moment, and I follow the thought...

[32:36]

Stop right there. When you have a thought which is more important than what you're doing right now, that's like what you're doing right now is your thought. But you think that that thought is more important than meditating on that thought. Yes. I wasn't sure how to put it in words. When I'm distracted into the thought. You could say you're distracted into the thought or by the thought. You could say that. You could say that this thing is being given to you, which is your job, and you think that this thing that's being given to you is telling you that you have some other job than what's being given to you. And what's being given to you is saying that to you. So the mind is playing a trick on you. The mind is saying, think of something other than taking care of me. And that's the koan.

[33:41]

Oh, I'm not fooled by you telling me that I should be thinking of something other than meditating on you. And then the thought, the mind says, good, very good. You didn't get fooled by me. Here we go again. Next moment. So the koan isn't the mind, but the mind being treated properly becomes the koan. But it's not exactly that the mind is the koan, it's that you treating it as your work makes it the koan. But it's not really the mind because it's a relationship. Right, understanding the koan on the level of the mind is impossible, that's what I was trying to say. It has to be lived, experienced. Yes, it has to be lived and experienced.

[34:46]

But that doesn't exclude the mind. Yes. The mind is not I? Many people are looking at the ceiling. That verbal expression, the mind is not I?

[36:05]

That is something to meditate on. That statement is the current koan for you to study. So I'm not going to tell you, right. And I'm not going to tell you, wrong. I'm going to say, are you meditating on that as your current assignment? Or are you trying to get an answer to your assignment which appeared in the... No, but I will now. Well, here's what I'd say. What she said started something going here about what the mind is and what the I is or whatever it is, even if it exists.

[37:11]

And it became suddenly, right now, at your suggestion, a possible meditation there. Yeah. And I'm suggesting that when you move from it being a possible meditation to you saying, this is my meditation right now. I am going to meditate on this. I'm going to meditate on the mind wondering what the mind is. I'm going to meditate on that just because that's what I'm up to right now. Yes? Would it be possible to say that meditating on a koan bypasses the mind? Not only is it possible, but you just did it.

[38:13]

You asked me if it was possible to say something, and you said it. So, yes, it is possible, and you actually actualized that possibility just now. That's the first part of your question. Did you follow that? Well, since you brought it up, I'm talking about it. You said, is it possible to say, and then you said this thing, and I would say, yes, it is possible to say what you said. And not only is it possible, but you could also have asked, may I say the following? And you'll actually have to say it before I give you permission. Or I could say, well, I don't know if you can say the following, but I guess I'll just say, you have carte blanche. You can say whatever you want, even though I don't know what it's going to be. Now do you remember your question? You want to ask it?

[39:18]

Aside from the thing about possibilities. I was looking for the same question, about the possibility of bypassing. Okay, bypass. Generally speaking, watch out for bypassing. Especially bypassing the mind. Well, I want to make sure that the mind is perfect. Right, and that's one of the reasons why you might want to bypass it, and go someplace where you know what's going on. The trees are not trying to bypass the mind. The trees aren't trying to bypass the mind, as far as I know. But a lot of humans are trying to bypass their own mind. And also other people's minds, if they could figure out how to do that.

[40:21]

But bypassing your own mind is a very common characteristic, a common activity of humans, I've noticed, is trying to bypass their mind. I didn't mean shutting aside and not being aware of it, or not wanting to be aware of it. It's a way of knowing certain things, without thinking them through methodically. Thank you. So, are you proposing a state of mind where there's not methodical thinking going on? And you're asking, how about that? Are you saying, if my mind's not being methodical, is that my life?

[41:22]

Is that my life at that time? You didn't really ask me that, but you could ask me that. When my mind is not being methodical, but it's being a mind, and it's somewhat aware of itself, but not methodically aware of itself, is that my life at that time? You might ask me, and I would say, that, I think, is your life at that time. Your story at that time is, got a mind, but not much method. Next question. Is this a suitable opportunity for meditation? The answer is, it is THE suitable. It is THE one to work on, definitely. Any other one will be anxiety generating. Even wonderful ones, like, tomorrow night I have to give a class, and I want it to be a good one, so I'm going to study for it. But if I don't see that that thought

[42:28]

is now my current opportunity for meditation, then that thought is not a koan for me. Then it's a thought I'm caught by, whether it's methodical or not. I'm missing the opportunity, the central opportunity of an enlightened life. So, when you're thinking non-methodically, at that time, that's your life. At that time, that's your problem. At that time, that's your opportunity to meditate. And when you say, OK, this is my opportunity, and I want to meditate on this current state, then you're studying a koan. Then you're studying your life, rather than having a life but not studying it. Because you think you're supposed to be doing something else other than study yourself. If your mind becomes methodical,

[43:33]

then that's the one you have to take care of. Some people have that kind of life. They have a methodical life. And that's the one they have to take care of. Other people don't. But the people who meditate on their non-methodical mind, they get a chance to meditate. And their non-methodical mind becomes a koan. It becomes the opportunity for realizing reality. So then if you pass them a methodical mind later, they have a better chance of treating that with the same kind of attention. And with that kind of attention, they're not attached to having a methodical mind.

[44:33]

You can say, would you please give me that methodical mind back? And they say, fine, here. Now here I'm passing you another non-methodical mind. Would you please take care of this? And they say, fine. Because anything you give them is equal opportunity for enlightenment. Because they always meditate on what's being given to them, not what they think they should be working on. Or what somebody thinks they should be working on. They work on what they're being given. So I'm not saying, this state is okay, and this state's okay, or this state's not okay. I'm saying, all these states, if you're studying koans, if you're studying Zen, all these states are your job, are your problem, are your practice, are your enlightenment. They have to be the slightest bit, any place other than what you're doing now.

[45:35]

It's not later tonight when you're going to give a talk about enlightenment. It's this thing right now. And we have to train ourselves with that, because we keep getting fooled by the mind which says, later you've got to do blah blah, or before you did blah blah. And it doesn't seem to be saying to you, would you please pay attention to what I just said to you, and not get distracted by me? So in the story, Manjushri stops at the door to test the Buddha. Then the Buddha tests Manjushri. They keep testing each other to see if both of them are not getting distracted from where they are. Manjushri did not get distracted, and the Buddha did not get distracted. And they had a nice conversation, and now you and I are. Yes?

[46:37]

I have a question for you about intentionality, intentionality in this context. Yes. Manjushri stopped at the door, but his intention was to test the Buddha. So where's the problem there? I mean, are we, or in your other example of thinking of a class you're giving tomorrow night, I heard an intention rise, that I want it to be a good class. Yes. And it seems like intentionality is sort of a trap to pull you out of meditating. It's projecting you forward, in a sense. No, intentionality is a test for yourself. To meditate on your intentionality? Yes, your intentions are testing you, your intentions, the intentions that you have within your mind, are testing you to see if you can remember when they arise, that they're not going anyplace, and they're just asking you to take care of them right now. Even though they're talking about

[47:38]

a good class tomorrow. So they arise to see, okay, did you fall for that one? So in the koan, you started with that. And then when you're being tested by yourself, then you also can test the Buddhas at the same time, with your own testing. You say, okay, now I give the Buddhas, I share my test with the Buddhas. Because they're watching to see how I'm handling this too. They want me not to be fooled by my mind. And I wasn't. And I offer my non-foolishness which is really, in some sense, seeing my foolishness, which is that trickiness, to see my foolishness as what I should be meditating on. So, should I look upon

[48:38]

the lineage of the ancestors' koan as a test then, in that context? You can look at it as a test dash opportunity in that context. And it also has these other ways of looking at it, inside-outside test. Yes? Is there such a thing as direct knowledge, which here, when you think of, by passing the mind, is there such a thing as direct knowledge? So when you say that, if you're working on a koan, if you're working on koans, when you say that, you're primarily meditating on that rather than trying to get anything by that question. And so you can look to see, what are you up to when you said that to me? Yeah, right. That's the way of always turning back

[49:43]

to study it, rather than leaning into it, to be upright with it. And then the next thing. And all these different types of questions are coming up. Right? Which is wonderful. They're all different types of opportunities for not leaning into, or leaning away from, these questions which seem to have inclinations in them. Like, is there direct knowledge? Can I have a methodical mind? You know? And so on. Yes? Did you have your hand raised a little while ago? Then I'm calling on you now. What do you think I said? And when you answer me, don't forget to meditate on what you're saying.

[50:46]

I didn't know, I might not have it right, but I thought you said at one point, you can't change anybody or anything. And that's kind of this big delusion that you can change anybody or anything. I thought you said, what you can do is have an intention, and then let go of the intention. So I thought there was, they called it an intention that you could have, that isn't like what I thought you just said an intention was. Yeah, I thought so. Pardon? Are you confused at what I'm saying? Or you just can't hear it? Well, they're kind of the same. No, I thought you said another kind of intention. It's not familiar. But it doesn't. It doesn't sound like what you're saying tonight to me. It doesn't sound to me like what you're saying about an intention tonight, which is watch out for that mind, to lose it and meditate on that. It feels like it's a whole different way of relating to that. Okay.

[51:49]

That's the important part right there. You can keep making more and more interesting questions, and they get so interesting that you can think, now this one we don't have to meditate on. This one's really a good one. There's other ones, okay, I'll meditate on those. With this interesting little twist of, you know, it sounds like you said that, but really what did you mean there? And that was interesting, but now you're doing... Now this, forget about meditation now, let's just get the answer to this. Let's get things straightened out, okay? Let's get everything to be coherent. And then I'll have it. And that's fine to do that, to try to get control of this dharma finally. Got it. Like Enrique said before, she wanted to make, she wanted to be something like completely sure she got it. I let that go. But now Tracy's trying to get it,

[53:02]

and since you said it, I say yes. What's important now is can you meditate on this rather than getting it worked out. I'll keep playing with you and saying stuff like, you can have an intention, you can't change things, you can't change things, I can say that, okay? Things are changing, all compounded things are changing, but you can't change them, because you, I'm telling you, you are part of the process. It's not like you're outside, unchanging you is going to change that. We can't do that. However, you can have intentions, and when you've got intentions, you have something to work with. You've got your story. Now if you work with the story one way, then the story is a delusion. And stories are delusions, unless you're dealing with them

[54:04]

as something to meditate on. And meditating on does not mean you're trying to figure it out. Trying to figure it out is another intention to meditate on. All these intentions are welcome. They're all allowed into your life, because they are your life. So we're talking about how do you make your life practice? In particular, how do you make your life wisdom? Wisdom practice. Well, by always putting meditating on your life primary, and figuring it out, or getting controlling of it, as just another thing to meditate on. Not secondary. Don't make these things secondary, or tertiary, or primary. All that stuff's your story.

[55:05]

Make them all objects of meditation. And when you're not doing that, then realize, okay, I'm taking a break from studying koans. I'm taking a break from studying wisdom. I'd rather do something useful, rather than enter into reality. But it doesn't mean you have to squelch any of your stories. Like, I want to figure this out. It's okay to try to figure it out. That's a perfectly good story. It's a perfectly good life. Or to be methodical. I want to be methodical. I've had enough methodical. I want to be blotical. All these are okay. Not okay. All these are welcome. And then once you welcome them,

[56:08]

then meditate on them. Once they're welcomed, wisdom can arise with them. But when we're trying to fix them, we're not only anxious, but we're distracted from the actual way of being with them which will make us at ease, but also allow us to penetrate them completely and realize them. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't ask me questions when you hear me saying different things on different occasions. That's fine. But when you ask me, can you also stay on the ball of watching yourself while you ask me and see what you're up to and care for what you're up to rather than just sort of like... Yes? It wants to jump around. It wants to jump around, yeah. Another way to put it is,

[57:10]

it is jumping around, and so you assume it wants to. There seems to be some jumping. Yeah, we got to jumping. Got all the little jumping children. They're adorable. We love them. The idea of leaning, it's thought that maybe there could be intention without leaning. Well, there can be intention where you can't actually see clearly which way it's leaning. But it's still leaning. Well, it can be leaning, but you can have intentions that are leaning in opposite directions kind of equally. But all the different elements of the intention, is leaning. All the different phenomena that make up our intention,

[58:11]

each one is a little bit leaning, a little bit biased. So all these different factors have some agenda or some inclination or some predisposition. But the way they all are actually working together is unbiased and balanced. And that's called practice. Practice is the way of being together with all the different inclinations. And sometimes the inclinations line up so it looks like, oh, they're all coordinated and they really are heading in that direction. Like Enrique's story and Terry's story, there was a strong thing of trying to get this thing straightened out here. And Vera was kind of strong and saying, you know, they're going in two different directions. And then some other people, they don't know whether they want to do which way or that way.

[59:12]

But all the different parts of it are a little bit off. But there's a way of being with this situation that's balanced. And that's called practice. So what I'm talking about tonight is how to work with koans means how to work with your life as meditation practice. So I'm trying to clarify your eye of practice. To make your eye of practice clear. So that you always can aspire to consistently treating the situation as practice. That you can always say, what's the practice again? Oh yeah, that's the practice. Here's the koan. Here's the practice. Now this is what's going on. Here's the practice. Now this is what's going on. Here's the practice. So whatever you dial in, whatever the mind is, you practice with it.

[60:15]

And then the mind isn't that the mind's a koan, but because you're practicing with it, it's a koan. And then, when the mind of practice and those two turn on each other, those two eyes, the eye of practice and the eye of dharma, or the eye of truth, they turn on each other. But we sharpen the eye of truth by sharpening the eye of practice. Yes. Yes. What makes it practice or meditation? In other words, if you see a thought as a thought, you see that your mind is presenting you with a suitable material to practice with,

[61:17]

what makes it practice or meditation? I have my stories, and it's not about duration. It doesn't have to be 25 minutes or 40 minutes or whatever. That's one of the eyes of practice, is the eye that understands that you're talking about something that doesn't have duration. The eye of practice is basically just studying the present story. And there is a story about continuing this practice. That can be another story, which might be right there. But that's just another thing right now to look at. The practice is not to be distracted from treating this as a practice opportunity by your concern that you'll be able to continue. Now there is an explanation, which reminds me of, just to tell you that, if you can stand this parenthesis,

[62:17]

the class I'm thinking of offering here in the summer is a class on how to connect practicing in the present with the ongoing evolution of the path. So there is an issue of practicing in the present, and that's going to influence my ability to practice with the next present. But to really practice with the present means that unless what you're thinking about is the topic of duration, you're not actually practicing with a certain amount of time. Other than one moment. So now back to your question, what makes it practice? Or meditation? What makes it meditation practice? Is there a difference between meditation and seeing your thought as a thought? Is there any difference between meditation and seeing your thought as a thought? I mentioned here quite a few times,

[63:24]

the basic definition of the word meditation is a topic for contemplation. So for example, you could have a topic called a thought as a thought. That could be a text that you have. A thought as a thought. Or see a thought as a thought. That could be your text. And then you contemplate that thought. So the thought is actually a meditation which you contemplate. But meditation also means the act of contemplating the meditation. So you can have a teaching about the mind for example. That's the meditation which you contemplate. But when you contemplate, that's also called meditation when you contemplate a meditation. So, talking about here, that meditation, you could define meditation as you're contemplating a teaching. What is the teaching?

[64:25]

The teaching is, however your life is manifesting, that's your meditation. That's your text. And you're going to contemplate that teaching of however your life is manifesting now, is your meditation now. And this is the time to do meditation. And, what's manifesting could be the thought, I have a class tomorrow night. But that thought is actually, my caring for this thought now is my practice. And my concern about tomorrow night, if it takes me away from happily taking care of the thought of tomorrow night, then I'm distracted, I'm not meditating, I'm just thinking. And I'm worried about the class. Or maybe happy about the class, but somewhat unsettled. Because I've been tricked into this mind, out of meditating on it.

[65:26]

Is that clear? Yes. Yes. I was just looking at the clock. It is perfectly, it definitely is possible to be caught in a merry-go-round. And what I'm saying to you is that you have to be When you're caught in a merry-go-round, that's your problem. That becomes the koan.

[66:29]

No, no. You could have that one, but before you get to that one, you've got the one, I'm on a merry-go-round. And that's the koan. And I'm happy that I got a merry-go-round to meditate on. Now I can translate that merry-go-round means I'm trying to choose what to meditate on, but actually, I'm not fooled by that, because I'm not choosing what to meditate on. I'm meditating on what's happening. Then you can say, well, you're choosing that. Okay, fine. I'm choosing it. I'm choosing not to ever get fooled by what's happening in my life and to always be practicing. Trying to find a way that no matter what happens, I'm not thrown off the path. And I say, well, okay, I'm with you on that. Now would you please come with me and get on a merry-go-round with me? I'll hold your hand and we'll see if we can continue to meditate on this merry-go-round. Because, well,

[67:32]

I hope it's a merry-go-round rather than some other kind of go-round. Remember the word samsara means going round. So can you keep meditating as you go around? Now, ready? One, two, three, you're going to be a woman. Okay, ready? I knew this might happen. Okay, here we go. I'd like to talk to you about something about women if I could. May I talk about this, Yuki? Something about women? May I? Steph? May I? Please, yourself. Do you support me to bring up something about women? Do you support me to be myself? Pardon? Do you support me to be myself? Yes. So may I bring up something about women? An observation I have?

[68:33]

In my absence. If you leave, I'm not going to bring it up. I'm just telling you that I'm not going to bring it up if you leave. You can leave, but I'm not going to bring it up if you leave. People will be upset if I talk about it after you leave. Do you understand that? They're going to be upset if I don't talk about it. So if you leave, you're going to upset people. So it's up to you. If you stay, I'm not going to talk about it unless you stay. Are you upset with me? Not at all. I just wanted you to know your consequences before you leave. Yeah, I am. I'm telling you that I'm not going to bring this up if you leave. I don't think it's okay with them if you stay. I would suggest you stay. You can leave if you want to, but I'm just telling you the consequences of you leaving would be I won't bring it up

[69:36]

and I won't bring it up because I'm not going to bring up something that you feel uncomfortable with not knowing what it is. But anyway, it was an observation I had about women and I told my wife about it and I said, I said, I wonder if I could bring this up in a group of women. This observation I have. I said, because I find that almost anything I say about women seems to be difficult to bring up in situations so I actually I have some observation which I think is kind of interesting but I'm not going to bring it up until I feel support from, well, first of all the women and then I'll ask the men if it's okay too. But this is going to get postponed. The question is were we meditating through all this? That's the important thing.

[70:43]

Yes. I could say I have a particular experience of women I could say that which I think is really interesting. I think it's kind of interesting myself but I wanted to kind of like see, I want people to be ready for this kind of like one two three ready for this because you know it's something about an experience I have of women which I think is interesting which I kind of want to share with you because I think it's interesting but I also I want you to be ready for it. Yes. It's not that important.

[71:51]

I have a lot of interesting things that I don't bring up. But this one I was just about to bring it up but I think the important thing is that if I don't bring it up that you meditate on me not bringing it up. What could you do to get ready? One of the main ways you can get ready to receive it is to be receiving what's happening now. That's the main way that I'm suggesting. And to see receiving what's happening now as making what's happening now call on practice. And that will help us care for a good future. A happy future together. Yes.

[72:53]

It's partly like watching your thinking. So basically what I'm suggesting we have to meditate on is our story. When your story is something you meditate on then your story is a koan. Watching is part of it but also valuing it as an opportunity. Valuing it. Like you could have a story maybe an unhappy story. That was terrible what just happened there. That could be your story. Meditating means you realize that way of thinking is valuable. If I would take care of that way of thinking even though it's a thought like something's terrible if I take care of it

[74:03]

in a certain way I can realize happiness in the middle of that story of something terrible. But if I don't meditate on that story even if it changes the story to this is good if I don't meditate on it I'll be anxious. How can you find happiness from doing terrible things? You find happiness because you feel like you're doing the appropriate thing. If a terrible thing happens in other words if I think a terrible thing is happening I can simultaneously feel like I'm doing the appropriate thing with this terrible thing and I feel very good not just taking care of it but taking care of it in the correct way. A correct way like a compassionate way

[75:03]

is the correct way because a compassionate way is the way that shows you the truth of what's happening. If you're kind to the story this is horrible then if you're clear about that that's what you want to do with the story this is horrible or if you're kind to the story this is good and you're clear what's appropriate is to be kind to the story this is good this is bad this is terrible this is nothing. Your eye of practice is clear. When your eye of practice is clear your eye of Dharma is clear. When your eye of Dharma is clear you're at peace you're happy and also you feel joyful that you can teach others how to practice with their stories so they don't get fooled by their stories. So it's a wonderful happiness that comes when you practice with whatever the story is so that if people are in a terrible situation you can help them

[76:05]

because you can show them how to practice with a terrible situation. And also if people are happy but they don't practice with situations good like they have I'm healthy my family is healthy my friends are kind to me they have that story but they're caught by it they don't study it so then they're afraid that that story will change and they're anxious and unhappy even though they have a nice story they're not practicing with it they're not meditating on it they're not looking at it and wondering what's the appropriate what's the appropriate what's the compassionate way to be with the story and when we don't take care of our stories that way then we forget our stories are koans so this is terrible it's not that I say that's not true I just say this is terrible that's a koan that's a problem this is my life here

[77:07]

I'm trying to understand it and that makes whatever the story is into a happy opportunity thank you very much logistical yes the date we're changing is the last class was going to be the 21st but that's the night before Taya Anderson's getting married and I thought hopefully this is the only time this is going to happen so I thought okay let's go all out and see if the yoga room class will free me to go to dinner with her the night before the wedding so we're postponing the last class to the 28th of April thank you for clarifying that

[78:08]

thanks for reminding me about that you didn't go skiing? I did oh you did and you came back? I came back came back early? no, on time oh I thought you said you weren't coming today oh I didn't come last week

[78:28]

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