Separate is too strong, but... Cut. I acoustically have an item. Oh, fissured. I'm grateful for the opportunity to restore that. Old friendship. We come here to learn to eat properly. I come because I like to come. And I know that when I finish my organization, I find it so difficult, I do it for a week, that I actually find it so difficult that it is terrible, but when I am here, then it is good, and I have often

[01:30]

So I come here because I like to come. And... I didn't quite understand that with the organization. When you do things at home, you have to do things... I took care of many people, including my cat. I did all kinds of hard work. I had to clean my house and I had so much work to do. So I have a lot of work to organize everything before I come here. I have somebody for my cat and I have to clean my house and it's really difficult and a hard time. We considered having everyone could bring their dogs and cats, as well as their kids, but... We decided that might be too much, so...

[02:43]

I like to be here, particularly because here I don't have to choose. I like to be here, particularly because here I don't have to choose. When I'm at home I notice that a lot of difficulties are rooted in having a choice. And I accept it already as I'm going that when I'm here I don't have a choice. Another reason why I come here is that It's an expression for that I'm getting older and that I still have a lot of things to do.

[04:26]

And this is really not funny. And I also noticed during this time, before you came here, here, during these days, I noticed that one pointed mindfulness. Yes, that I have to Yeah, that it went away and that here I can practice it again. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy the schedule here.

[05:43]

Because during the last few months it was always like that that I couldn't finish one thing and three other things appeared. And here every deed has its time. And here every activity has its time. And more and more important to me is the orioke practice. Because I do something and others do something too. Something comes to me, something goes and I have to Because I do something, other people are doing something, things come to me and they're going away from me, I have to pay attention.

[06:57]

And I notice very well when I'm not attentive. Am I less concentrated than when I am sitting alone at home? But still it is so, especially because it is so much after sitting in the morning for two periods that when I am sitting I do not feel so concentrated But still, because it is a lot of sitting and even if I was not so concentrated during sitting, after the sitting I find myself in this wider space.

[08:07]

In all these different periods, my themes appear, why I am here, what I am, yes, what I am working on. But I have not really got them together yet. Something appears here, something appears there, and I still have to sort it out. periods of sitting, all my issues come up, why I'm here, what I'm working at, and they come up and I don't quite see how they are connected and they have to sort themselves out still. Okay. Okay. During the last weeks I feel very embedded in my personal practice that I have at home.

[09:18]

And this is particularly so because this was preceded by an experimental period where I practically didn't practice. That means I didn't sit and I didn't try to keep up some sort of practice during the day. My understanding was that it takes about three or four weeks until practically all the fears that you had from the practice are gone and the quality of life decreases relatively quickly. The result from this was that within three or four weeks all the fruits of practice are almost eaten up and the quality of life decreases.

[10:52]

Put simply, it means that this practice is a quality of life when I do it. And then I went back to an intention that I had before to keep up one practice during the whole day. That means to sit every morning. And to be mindful with my breathing with mala while I'm driving in a car or while I'm shopping in a supermarket.

[12:08]

And to hold before me those sentences that come up for me out of the context of practice. And during the night I'm trying to hold something. I used to do this years before. I find it particularly exciting because for me it means that the intentions or prayers we have to do have something to do with our consciousness. And this is particularly interesting to me because it seems that intentions or vows we have work underneath the surface of consciousness.

[13:36]

Yeah. You can just climb up the window. You need not to sing. You don't have to sing, though. We will help you out. She's replaced by a Buddha. Thank you. Are you finished? Just one more sentence. Yeah, when I can keep up this energy of practice, then my practice also helps me to go through periods in my day where I have the impression that I don't practice or that I lose my practice.

[14:58]

Yeah, that's true, I think. Yeah, I think that's true. I'm very happy to be here. I live and work in Switzerland and they have very little vacation there. Now I Now I spent 14 days of my precious vacation time here at Johanneshof. Thank you. It's a very interesting experiment for me. And what's interesting is that I work in psychiatry now and I have a very scheduled day. And what I try to do there, it's quite spacious and there is a wonderful staircase that goes up like this.

[16:26]

And when I go up these stairs I try to use this as a moment of practice And I am happy to be here to try to strengthen sitting and breathing by sitting and breathing practice. My main practice is to follow the breath and I noticed, particularly this morning, I noticed how different my relationship to my breathing can be.

[18:00]

Controlling heavy and also like on the side. It's like a gauge for the state of body and mind. Ja, und als ich ankam, da habe ich bemerkt, dass ich mein Raksu und das Miso vergessen habe. When I arrived, I noticed that I forgot to bring my Raksu and the Miso. Und jetzt bin ich ganz beschäftigt mit der Frage, macht das einen Unterschied oder nicht? Und das macht einen Unterschied? Genau. Möchtest du keine holen? Nein, ein bisschen. Nein. Now I'm busy with a question, does it make a difference or not?

[19:09]

But it does make a difference, and I want to get it. The miso or your raksha? Christa? I had a 15 years break in my practice because of the children and because I was raising them alone. And since I have another little daughter now, I had the choice of taking another 15 years break or coming here and try out how it is to be here with her.

[20:09]

And I'm asking myself how this chaos of daily life that actually continues here How you can bring a Zen mind or the unity of body and mind into that? Not that it didn't happen to me once in a while, but I'm pursuing this question of how it is to be cultivated. And in doing that I dig up questions that have very practical implications.

[21:58]

How does the Zen mind manifest itself within communication between human beings? What's the craft of coming to a consensus? What is a child, for example? How does resonance work with one child and then also with many children? I have always experienced design practice as something very precise and perfect. I always experience Zen practice as something precise and perfect.

[23:19]

What I can take as a result or a first result of these four days maybe is that the precision of Zen practice functions as a crystal for Go for it. As a starting point of crystallization, I don't know how you call it, for the order in being with the children. But still I have a feeling that there must be something embracing, something that doesn't start from the center but embraces it of form.

[25:00]

So I'm thrown back onto myself and I'm wrestling with my incompetence. Me too. My main practice is I think I can't sleep without... Pacifier. What? Pacifier. Pacifier. I want that too. I can't sleep without pacifier in my hand. So I practice... And it often drops out of my hand.

[26:33]

And I wake up often and look for it. Ich habe das nicht gedacht, aber durch diese Art von Liebung ist es irgendwie für mich leichter geworden, meine Träume mit dem Wachbewusstsein im Nachhinein mal anzuschauen. And this is like a This is like a huge field of excavations, of excavating intentions that are simply there in dreams.

[27:41]

I think it helps me to understand more what it means to say everything is the mind. What's more is that the dreaming also takes place during the day. And I'm looking through a little bit. Yes, and it is interesting to be here and also to see how it affects the body.

[29:12]

The dreaming is also happening during the day now and I try to find my way through it and it's interesting to be here and to observe how my body does it. In sasen I'm often not very relaxed and I'm in pain. And I notice, and this is the last sentence I will bring up, that

[30:20]

In myself, I have the wish to let go. It's possible. You know, it is true that if you practice regularly, sit regularly... It doesn't necessarily happen, but to some extent I think it happens to everyone. The contents of mind are not divided between sleeping, dreaming mind and waking mind. And almost all the associations that might come up, like some would be saved for dreaming time,

[31:42]

They can come up during what's a usual waking mind. Sie können auch auftreten in einem gewöhnlichen wachenden Geist. And sometimes a dream that arose in the night can be continued kind of like during the day. Und manchmal kann ein Traum, der in der Nacht aufgetaucht ist, weiter auftauchen. If you change your energy slightly, you can feel the dream still going on during the day. Sometimes this can be a little disconcerting and disturbing.

[32:53]

But luckily this kind of thing happens more when you develop the stable mind that's present throughout the 24. but fortunately this happens mostly only when you have developed a stabilized mind that is present 24 hours a day. And I think about whether it's actually nice or horrible when it's your turn. It's like in Doxan for me. When I wait for Doxan, I may have a question and two hours later she is either answered or there is a new question.

[34:13]

When I'm waiting for doksan, I might have a question and then two hours later it's not a question anymore, it's answered or it feels dry and it was juicy before. Yes, and when I listen to it, I find it very difficult to say, what am I saying now? First it's this, then I hear something, then it's always something else. And that also comes to some point. But the series where I can listen in peace is getting shorter and shorter. So when I listen, there's something, but then something else comes up and the time in which I can listen calmly becomes shorter and shorter.

[35:36]

The point that I reached is that I think I'm leading an extremely risky life. And simply because I'm leading a life. And this is also why I'm extremely happy that I can be here for a longer time. Because I have time that various things on various levels can come up It's really a kind of slalom that I've experienced here so far It's like a... I don't know what it's like.

[37:03]

Slalom? Slalom? It's like a... Slalom? Slalom? What do you mean? Yeah. Something like that. At least this is what she experiences. Yeah. Shalom, shalom. I'm not a skier, so I... Slalom, yeah, slalom, yeah. Sorry. So we got it, yeah. Yeah. So it was this image that arose, this little boat between Sklond and Charybdis. And I then realized that this whole event here,

[38:08]

I noticed that how this whole event here is a refined piece of art and a craft's work. To conclude, I would like to say that it takes a long time to see all of this habit as a practice. When I look at my everyday life now, I suddenly have the impression that there is an incredible amount of practice in it, of its own kind, and that it is only set in a status. From this habit of seeing everything in practice I now notice that in my daily life actually a lot of things are practiced or contain practice, but it's not seen in this way.

[39:33]

Yesterday was a very special day again. Yesterday was again a special day and I just mentioned words that came up for me. The world is a safe place for to live and for to die. Nothing's missing. That's a wonderful thing to come up with. Now to discover its truth.

[40:56]

Yes. Yeah, first of all I want to say that I'm very grateful to be here. And then it's really hard for me to put my practice into words because what it really is, is a practice without words. That's because I realized at some point that whenever I use words, I tend to generalize things that might be the same, but are really not. For example, if my mind is peaceful, there are innumerable ways to feel that.

[41:58]

And there are innumerable ways of being peaceful and I just call it peaceful, so I don't really want to call it anything at all. I just, you know, I'm trying to do this to generate a feeling without words, just a feeling for life and feeling for the world. And I'm really trying to separate it away from my analytical tendencies, because it's gone as soon as I start to put it into words. One thing that I'm really grateful about is that love is a very meaningful theme, and this feeling is one of the main ingredients of this feeling.

[43:08]

Because I start feeling that I really start to love people. I did that before, but I loved them because they weren't nice or lovable. It starts feeling like I love them because I know how to love. It feels like it's more inside of me and not so much in the outside world. Before it was something other people had. And now it's more inside of me. And that feels very good. Yeah. And sometimes I even try to follow your advice and practice with body, speech and mind. I think you're doing it. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. That's what I realized I'm doing anyhow, because it's... At some point I realized whatever I practice at the very core, it is body, speech and mind.

[44:12]

Yeah. This morning I noticed that my feet can actually speak with the floor, if that makes sense. Yes. So, first of all, I am very grateful to be able to be here. And... So, yes, it is difficult for me to put my practice into words, in a wordless practice. I have noticed that every time I find something new, I begin to generalize and the things are no longer what they originally were. I dig up the feelings in their seed. There are thousands of different ways to feel inner peace. Yes, there are a lot of different feelings and if I had to find words, I would call them all inner peace, but that's basically what breaks it, because it's not all the same, so I'd rather not call them that.

[45:24]

I also try to develop a feeling of life more than a definition of life, so I try to from the point of view of the mind. And a very important foundation of this feeling of life is love, especially the next love. And I am very grateful that this has developed in me. I notice more and more that I really start to love people. And not because they are worth loving, but because I have the ability to love. My feeling is that my practice becomes more and more practical. Because there are many practical things to do in my work here at Johanneshof.

[46:42]

Sometimes I feel the danger of losing my real practice. And so I am looking for So I'm in search for ways to make it work or to make it practical. Because sometimes we hear these Zen statements that we all know so well, from the one who is busy and the other who is not busy, so well.

[48:02]

Or we complete everything we do and we have enough time or time is no longer a question. But when I look at it practically, I have to admit that there is still a lot to learn for me. Because these Zen phrases that we all know so well, the one who's busy and the one who's not busy, to complete what appears, I know what's good. Oh, yeah. We have enough time. That we have enough time or time is not a problem anymore. These Zen phrases sound so great, but actually when I look at them in my own life, I see how much I still have to accomplish.

[49:12]

Yes, and so I always start to go into more detail, to practice more and more delicate things, for example, simply because I have to remember so many things, I have dealt with memories, so how can I manage not to forget anything, So I get more and more into detail. I try to work with more and more subtle things. So, for example, because I have to remember a lot of things, I... thought about memory, or I practiced with memory, how to not forget things.

[50:22]

And I realize that in the field of practice it doesn't work that way, that you simply train your memory, but that you have to find ways to be able to lay down certain things and to trust that they will appear again at certain appropriate times. For me, it feels like a completely different system. So what I noticed is that within the realm of practice, you can't train your memory really, but that you have to put things to the side and trust that they will come up in the right time again. And then this feels like a completely different system to me.

[51:25]

So thinking this, I ask myself, oh my God, what has become of your practice, of my practice? You say, oh my God? I know I have to change the system. Oh my Buddha, what's happened to my practice? Okay. Hearing you and many others, I don't know if you... I hope most of you will be here next week, next monk week. Because I really want to see if I, I don't know if I can, but see if I can make more sense of this practice of body, speech and mind.

[52:39]

Because it is really about changing the system, seeing new possibilities in how we function. But I don't know. I haven't found out. I'm still trying to find out how to speak about it, but we'll see. I'll try some more. One of the big steps that happens in practice, not everyone, but it happens when your practice is stable enough, rooted enough in you. For some of us who have the opportunity, We suddenly just feel like my own practice isn't so important, I'll just try to help other people practice.

[53:57]

And you sort of give up your own practice and you just try to make it possible for other people to practice. That's actually turned out to be a very big step in practice. It means the boundaries of what you experience as self have changed. And another person's practice becomes equal to your own. But then you have to rediscover how to find your own practice within that. And that's another big step in practice. Okay. Sophie?

[55:14]

Yeah, I think this topic of the practice month is quite good for me. Especially in some kind of coming to some kind of pinnacle in speech. I noticed when I first came here almost a year ago that Most of what I knew about Buddhism was from my head, from books. I realized as soon as I began seeing that I would have to let all of this drop away. And when I look back at my experience over the past year, I really notice that I'm somehow coming more into the experience of my body.

[56:39]

And when I look back at the experiences of the last year, then I can really see how I come into my body. Or at least I notice that this is happening. I've had some experiences that have been quite poignant in showing me that there's some kind of, though it's not just my outer physical body, there's some kind of uprightness or stability in this posture. I noticed that though I may not really want it to be, it feels like it's becoming some kind of ground or a basis. And with this I'm noticing the differences between sitting and not sitting or sitting and then the activity that follows and how this affects my experience.

[58:23]

dadurch bemerke ich den Unterschied zwischen Sitzen und Nicht-Sitzen oder die Tätigkeit, die dem folgt und wie mich das beeinflusst. I think coming into speech, this is something that's always been essential to me, but always difficult to bring up, especially in a situation right now in front of 30 people. To bring something into the language was always very difficult for me, especially in a situation like this in front of 30 people. but not only in situations with kids but also in intimate situations or in family situations. It's quite interesting. I've been thinking about it through listening

[59:35]

how important this expression is for me, whether it's through actual speech or through some kind of physical expression. when I feel that I can actually somehow come in touch with this part of me which sort of sits in my chest and rises into my throat. And often I have a board here that cuts it off, I think, at this point. But when I can release this, it's a much better feeling. And when I come into contact with this, with this, with what is sitting in my chest and rises up to my throat, and mostly I have a board that cuts it off, then when I come into contact with it, then when I can release it, then it feels much better.

[61:12]

Just in the past week or so, I'm noticing this very much, the kind of pressure in my chest and in my throat. I think this is trying to tell me something. Yes. I don't think you can know quite what it's like for me to have started practicing in 60, 61. When practically nobody practiced. I mean, nobody practiced. Practices we know it now only occurred in Asia. I would say that's 99% true, what I just said.

[62:20]

And to find so many, all of us, able to feel ourselves through practice and know ourselves through practice is just wonderful for me. And may I say it's particularly true when I hear Sophie, because I practiced with her parents in 60, 61, 62, 63, those years. And although she says she just found out something about practice by giving up what she'd heard about practice recently, In 1965, I think none of us could have spoken so articulately about practice as she just did.

[63:30]

So there's a practice, maturing a practice happening through all of us, not just me or you or you, but somehow together we're maturing practice. Yeah. So we can, yeah, that's enough. Okay. Thank you. I'm new. I'm new to Zazen. Actually, I'm new to all of this. It's new, it's different. And yet I'm having the feeling that it's also very familiar. I am new in Saasen, I am new in everything here, it is new and different, and yet it is very familiar. I don't know what that is, but I'm not questioning it.

[65:00]

I'm just letting it be there. Krista, you can move over here if you want. You know, if every day brings something, like one day to the next, I seem to be... I seem, I don't know, I seem to be in the wrong place, or I'm late, or I'm kind of not where I'm supposed to be, or I'm where I'm not supposed to be. I don't know, I'm just feeling very slow. Sorry, I didn't quite get everything.

[66:04]

If you don't stop, it's very long for me. I don't know where I am or where I should be. I realize that it's okay to be slow. I mean, I think there was a time when I wanted to be ahead. Being just going slowly is more like where I am or who I am. I can't say this is the best place to be for me, but it's not the worst place. It's not the worst place either. I sometimes feel like I'm back at school.

[67:16]

You know, experiencing things like somehow for the first time. It's like bringing a part of myself into this new situation, this new place, just everything about it. And just opening, somehow just opening up to this whatever this is. But I'm in it. Whatever it is, I'm in it.

[68:17]

I'm what? In it? In it. I'm in it. Whatever it is. I feel the same way. You do? Yeah, I'm in it and I don't know what it is. That's the relief. It feels good. Okay, really? Thank you. I find myself in many things that were said. I experience them the same way. I find the tail shots very moving. I find the tissues very moving.

[69:51]

I don't know what I want to say right now. It feels like I'm in a... flowing in a stream and I'm happy when I'm... when I... when I catch up what is said or notice how I feel. What happens? How do people feel around? For example, when I come back from tanking and go to my place in the sand, what does it feel like? The people sitting. What do they feel like when they're not in there in the morning but they're still there?

[71:08]

There is something. When I come from thinking to my place and then I see how people are sitting, I don't feel it. I feel how they are sitting, I feel their being, and the same is also in the morning, or when you leave the center and you go to the end, When you leave the Zendo, you're at the very end of the row. Nobody is in there anymore, but you can still feel how people are sitting in the Zendo. A lot of these things happen to me when I sit down and I notice that a lot of things happen to me. Things come and go. At one moment I feel good, at another moment I am annoyed. I am also in between. Many things happen and like this happen and come up for me and sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I'm peace itself.

[72:17]

I feel more and more like the children. I don't understand, but I enjoy it in a way. And there's nothing else I can do, so I go with it. I feel more and more like the children. I don't understand it, so I just go with it. I can't do anything else. I just don't know. It's good. Thank you. I really need to go to the bathroom. Oh, really? We've been through this before, haven't we? I'm drinking too much tea. Here we go, please don't. We can all stand and stretch. We've only got a few more. Go ahead, take your time. No, or Eric, you can translate. Yes. But we can all stand and stretch if you want for a moment. You can open the door. Oh, someone else is going to take advantage of it.

[73:43]

We're almost done. Sometimes children feel like they're trapped in their small bodies. And we, they want to be adults. And I think we're trapped sometimes in some similar way and we want to be let go, some kind of wide feeling to happen. And I think sometimes we discover that sitting zazen. And by the way, when you've been the tenken or you're hitting the han, When you come back, when you come in the zendo, you don't have to rush.

[74:59]

There's no hurry. We have no place to go. You take your time. So in the zendo, you don't walk like you're in a hurry. You walk like you're invisible. If you're invisible, it doesn't matter how fast you walk. And wherever you go. You can do like Christoph. You know, there's a great... I love... I love doing this. It's fun. This is what we're doing. And sometimes I think, you know, there is a way of teaching where you give lectures that last for hours and hours.

[76:03]

Yeah, Sukhya, she used to do it sometimes. And finally, you know, you don't know what you're listening to, you don't know where your legs are, you don't know anything, you just, oh, sorry, you know. Something else happens. I used to do it in Sashin sometimes, do you remember? Maria Locke and some other places. I don't know. I'm getting conservative, I guess. But also, when you do Doksan, when you have Sanzen or Doksan, where you have to go once or twice a period sometimes even, at least whether you like it or not, you have to go.

[77:07]

There's no preparation possible, you just have to go. It's like you had a whole bunch of lakes in front of you and one was boiling hot and one was ice cold and you don't know which one you're diving into. You have what in front of you? Several lakes. One's boiling hot, one's ice cold, one's warm, and you don't know which one you're diving into. You prepare for the hot one and then you dive in and it's ice cold. Then you stand on the hot one and you jump into the cold one. Okay, Kristen. Darwin. Jump in. I admit I haven't listened to your last words.

[78:24]

Oh, it's okay. And I noticed that I didn't mention by accident that one of my main goals and practices is ease or serenity. Going around in this circle, I somehow lost the thread of what I want to do with my practice.

[79:24]

At the same time I took in a lot of what you said and I found myself in it like you already mentioned it. What comes to mind now is that I am assigned for Jidan work. I like to do this work. And I have a feeling of giving myself when I do this. I bow very often when I enter the Sendo, when I'm in front of the altar, when I carry something in, I bow.

[80:55]

At the same time it happens I bow and I go along the mats. And at the same time it comes suddenly as if I were to see myself from a distance and there comes the feeling like, what am I doing now? I go there now and go with him and hold on to myself and... And at the same time I bow down to it with all my heart. It simply reflects seeing myself from a distance as something new, because the practice for me is simply not something At the same time I look at myself as if from a distance. I look at myself how I'm carrying this, holding it close to my body.

[82:14]

but at the same time I bow with this feeling of giving myself. So it reflects a kind of feeling because I'm still new in this practice or this practice is still new to me. It reflects my state of mind. And what I found out as something new to me during this time, during this long time, at least long for me being at Johanneshof, I discovered that this tight schedule that we are forced into

[83:25]

actually invites me to a great freedom. my freedom to enter the practice. And I try to see this day equal to sasen. It is And I notice at the same time, although there is this possibility to dive in, how difficult it is for me to really use it.

[84:48]

And although you have the opportunity here to immerse yourself, I notice, at the same time, I notice how difficult it is to use that. Thank you very much. I would like to share or tell you something that I have come across, which also makes up my practice and which I find very supportive of my practice and also very challenging. And that just came to me completely unplanned in this round. I would like to tell you something about my practice, something that is supporting and challenging at the same time and that just came to mind during this sattva.

[86:15]

In last fall I was elected A spokesman for the... Yes, an employee's representative. Yeah, an employee's representative in the organization I'm working for. So, irgendwie, wie das immer passiert, irgendwie niemand will's machen, aber einer muss's machen, und Max ist nicht dumm machen, ich hab's schon so lang gemacht, okay, dann mach ich's halt. And... How practice is supported in this is that you have to deal with things that you That are not your business.

[87:32]

And the people come to you and you have to deal with them like, whether you like it or not, you have to deal with everyone as an employee or as a colleague. People come to you and you have to deal with them, no matter whether you like them or dislike them. They come to you as an employee and you have to deal with them, have to accept them. Yeah, I see. That's a good addition. You have to accept them. You just added it. I thought I made a mistake. His two bodhisattvas working together. This is quite nice. This is a little bit like, this is how a dachshund must feel.

[88:34]

There's something familiar. Yeah, it's very nice. In this organization that I work for, nothing has happened for a long time. Now we try to get something going. We have meetings and... And to be in a meeting and to support people so that something can come out of this meeting, that's actually a good practice for me. Usually in these seminars there is complaining or

[89:51]

Worrying about how to bring practice into one's everyday life and in this case it's quite nice how actually my everyday life is extending my practice. Paul Rosenblum made a Sashin for us last April. Paul Rosenblum made a Sashin... In May. In May, here. And he had a quote, he told how Philip Whalen describes a Sashin. And he gave a quote from Philip Whelan, how Philip Whelan described the Sashim.

[91:24]

Philip said it was a very, very slow party. For me, practice is like that. I'm curious how the party will go on.

[91:53]

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