So I'd like to have some more feeling from you or any feeling from you about what we've talked about so far. Is it imaginable to make sense of this in your life or does it give you some kind of perspective or does it seem beside the point? During the break I was thinking again about this practice of completing that which appears. And I have the feeling of completeness

[01:02]

My feeling is this feeling of completeness. Und was muss? My feeling is that I have to create the feeling of completing first of all in myself independent of phenomena. I can do this and I probably have to do this. Can you give me an example of what you mean by having a feeling of completing in yourself? That any At any moment, I can have the feeling, for example, of completely appearing, arriving.

[02:53]

Yourself, like on a step, you feel like just now arriving. Yeah. And then it's... And then this practice itself is something which I bring forth a space I can generate from my attention. Okay. And then I ask myself now, what role does actually the appearance play in that? But when you step, let's say step forward, you have the feeling of arriving.

[03:56]

That stepping forward is an appearance. Years ago I used to emphasize having the feeling of completing an action. But as I said that, I did that. And for me, if I do that, I do it in a way that feels complete. And a mudra is, we could say, is a gesture which feels complete. And this kind of feeling permeates the Japanese crafts.

[04:58]

As Eric mentioned yesterday about no theater. The no actor is taught to everything they do, they do it in a way that feels complete. So it becomes a little bit artificial looking It becomes a kind of series of poses But it's interesting, if you took a picture, every picture looks, if you took photographs, every picture looks composed.

[06:16]

And it's like, whoa, how did you get that? Luckily you got that picture. Well, every picture looks that way. But the idea behind it is even though it looks and is somewhat, if you walk down the street doing that, you'd think, There's somebody who thinks there's no actor walking along Osaka Boulevard. Yeah, but the feeling is that there is a resonant body in the theater, And if the movements of the actor can be sufficiently articulate, the audience will start feeling complete.

[07:27]

And in Kabuki, have you been to the Noh or Kabuki when you've been to Japan? No. It's hard to go. It's like, whoa. I go to Japan just for doing it. And what's really great too is the publicity. Because the puppets are pretty big, they're half the size of a human being. And two or three people manipulate the puppet. But the puppet doesn't have much choice of postures. Every way the puppet is is an articulated gesture. So let's go to Japan together, you know. So let's go to Japan to have a look.

[09:00]

It would be the ruin of everything financially. Anyway, we ruined ourselves that way once and I made you all miss your airplane. Still alive. Yeah, you're still not used to it. Anyway, we ruined ourselves that way once and I made you all miss your airplane. I drove the Wiener Bande to the airport and I drove on roads I used to drive on but they were empty when I drove on them and they were new and then when I drove on them they were a stow from Kyoto to the Osaka airport. So they didn't kill me, but we did get to the airport quite late. Four hours late. This is carrying being late to an extreme. But we remained friends.

[10:00]

Did they give you new tickets or did you have to buy new tickets? No way to upgrade something. They upgraded you even? Yes, no way to pay for them. But it was an adventure. Not knowing the language and all these Korean people sitting there and wanting... Korean or wanting to get on the plane too? I could tell you some other stories about that, but I'll stop. Anyway, so... In kabuki, which is more exaggerated than no, no is paced so that it allows you to come forward to the actor. But Kabuki, the actor comes really toward you. But there's a famous moment in Kabuki.

[11:25]

In Kabuki, they have a stage which goes off to the left, sort of through the audience, beside the audience. And they... through the play, developed lots of specific articulations. And then the actor is supposed to be able to sum up all those articulations in one gesture. And it is really, you know, for somebody who doesn't even know what's going on, extremely powerful. The gut, the actor's doing this or that, you know, and then suddenly he starts running off, then he stops, he takes a pose, and somehow, I mean, people just burst into tears.

[13:00]

Yeah, you don't have to translate it. Or burst into tears. But a good translator would work. I haven't had a translator that good yet. So... I used to say to people, have a feeling. If you lift your arm, lift it with a feeling of you've made a complete gesture. And I would say, if you do that all year, the end of the year, you'd likely feel more complete than if... You haven't done that all year. And I impaired that instruction usually. It's impaired. Joined together, paired, P-A-I-R-E-D.

[14:04]

I always think you're going to think I'm talking about peaches. I peached it. I paired it with. Pair is also to pair. I paired it with the Wiener Butter. No. I paired it with getting a feeling of when you felt nourished. You remember? She does. So when you walked along, you might feel like, geez, I feel nourished walking along at this pace. If I walk faster, I feel busy, distracted. So you teach yourself the feeling of nourishment. And then you develop the ability to stay within that range in everything you do. And so that even when you're rushing or busy, you still now know this feeling of nourishment so thoroughly, you can even rush with a feeling of within the nourishment zone.

[16:02]

So we could say bodhisattva practice is someone who just will not leave the nourishment zone. Not because, only because you feel that. But also you feel like if I'm losing it, then the whole world can lose it. So at least somebody ought to not lose it. It's going to be me. So I think We could say that the ex-translator's point... You're not always ex, just now you're ex.

[17:03]

I'm experiencing a feeling of loss every time you say it. Why ex, why? Okay. Okay. It's just a matter of X, Y, G, I mean Z. The point she brought up is really the practice of knowing the dharmas as empty. And first knowing them as through feeling complete. These two practices I used to give you of doing things in a way that you feel complete and nourished are kind of anticipatory practices to completing dharmas.

[18:27]

Okay, now, Vinabandha Krista used to be an actress, or still are. So you might have something to say about this acting. And maybe you have something to say about the acting? I could say something about the gestures. Although this is more about dancing. I could say something about gestures, but this is more, I can feel this more with dancing. It expresses somewhat this relationship to space.

[19:32]

Well, the Noh and Kabuki actor is a kind of dance. What comes to my mind right now is that space and gesture or movement can be felt, So what comes up for me is the experience that space movement and gesture is somehow conveyed to the audience. And this is a grasped, tangible experience that is also very Satisfying and joyous. And you also get some feedback from the audience. So once I remember, the dance was Schubert, the death, and the girl.

[20:51]

Maiden. Maiden. Maiden. And it was in a short range that I was informed that I should perform death just in one gesture. And it's just unforgettable. It was a very strong presence in the space. Yeah, okay, thanks. Someone else? Yes, Susanna?

[21:54]

I will try something out. This is good. When all dharmas are empty, then they are always empty. They're not always known as empty, but they're empty, yes. Now I encounter a situation where I have to help myself and my experience was the perception of my spine Instead of the ideas or conceptions I have of myself or about the world, the spine can be a support.

[22:55]

Even if this support amazingly dissolved. But it didn't matter. Then I can say, with this new feeling of being there, And then what is possible with this new experience of being there, within this experience of being dissolved or not dissolved, But within a kind of mind, I don't know. complete any situation which appears.

[24:31]

With that which appears and in how I perceive that which appears. At first I thought this completing is a kind of faculty that I have. But this is solved, this kind of looking at it. It seems to be a much broader field. This is what it will be. So this is what Roshi unfolded for me.

[25:44]

This is very new. Okay. It makes me very happy when not what I speak about becomes your experience, but what I speak about becomes How can I say it? That what I speak about finds its way into your own experience. Because then it begins to have an existence of its own and go places that, you know, you may teach me something. Because as Felix emphasized a little while ago, it's not the same, it's only similar.

[26:51]

So that actually at the level that we're practicing together now, we each become our own path. And we can say the Buddha's path or Buddha's way, but it really is the way when it becomes your own way. And Ujjamaa Roshi in his interesting commentary on the Genja Koan makes the point that many people read it and they see Buddha Dharma and they see Buddha's way and they just take it as the same.

[27:53]

And he said, even I, I think he implies, even I, when I was younger, would read it that way. But Dogen means something different by the Buddha's way than the Buddha Dharma. And we could say that simply the Buddha's way is the practice of Buddhadharma. To empty, to actually, Buddhadharma is to know that appearances are dharmas when they are empty. But Buddha's way is to practice and see what happens when you repeatedly discover Dharma's identity.

[28:56]

And Buddha's way is to practice and to repeatedly learn what happens when you learn something as a teacher. Yes, okay. Now I have a question. A question of understanding. How can you distinguish between Buddha's way and Buddha's Dharma when one appears and the other doesn't? How can you distinguish between Buddha's Way and Buddha Dharma when the one comes out of the other? The one appears by practicing the other. Practice is possible because of experience. of experience of Buddha Dharma. So it's like a reinforcing process. Well, Buddha Dharma is a recognition of... It's a mental posture.

[30:17]

And Buddha's way is the actualization of that posture. And something does happen to you when you, because it's all an activity. And something happens to you when you recognize appearances and then recognize them as empty. But what happens through that recognition is different from the recognition when it's repeated over time. When it becomes something you incubate for. And that we can't tell what will happen.

[31:30]

I can tell you something about the Buddha Dharma but I can't tell you much about Buddha's way. This is your discovery. Okay. Yes. No, Richard. Richard. How do you say it in German? Richard. Richard. I've been Richard all this time and I didn't know it. For me it's always very helpful to... to make present to myself what emptiness actually means. Empty of own being. Okay.

[32:32]

So it points to that everything is in permanent change. Yeah, permanent change. Well, he didn't say that. It's changing permanence. Yeah, anyway, yes, everything is a succession of changes. If you say continuity of changes, that's not so good, a succession of changes. Also eine Abfolge von Veränderungen wäre besser. Und dass es aber so ist, dass wir im Westen neigen dazu, mit dem Wort Leerheit... In the West we tend to understand emptiness as nothingness.

[33:38]

It's the absence of something and the absence has a reality. But also what is important for me is to distinguish a reality from actuality. In German you can do that. And in English, yes. Now it is so that, I think, Buddha Dharma, Augenblicke, or Buddha Dharma, Zusammenfall von Gegensätzen. One more time, please. So when Buddha Dharma happens, this is like from a formless state. In one moment form arises, At the same moment it disappears.

[34:55]

That's right. And if you weren't here, for instance, I would experience your absence. As I experienced your wife's absence. And you probably do too. So that's not nothing. Your absence isn't nothing, I'm very clear. Okay, Adi, I'm glad he's not always here on Saturdays, so I'm very glad, Adi. Adi Dharma. You asked the question whether what you give to us today makes sense. And my feeling is that it really hits my needs very strongly. And if I look at this practice instruction to complete that which appears,

[36:15]

Then we could recommend that the whole part or main part of our working members, working force and unemployed force. Because a problem and what makes professional life and daily life for many people so uncomfortable is because what makes the daily life and working life so dissatisfying for many people that you are rushed from one thing to the other. And while being rushed, while doing something, you're already rushed into the next thing. And while you're thinking about the next, the following thing is already coming up. So I think this recommendation that you are giving is exactly the right thing for us liquid people.

[37:43]

And it contains different facets. For example, noticing. Or with mindfulness. Give space and open up to it. And I myself make the experience, if it succeeds, And I myself have the experience, if it happens that I can follow this and practice this kind of completing, then it is deeply nourishing. And if I do not succeed in that, because for some reason I drop out of it, then I really get the feeling that somehow I almost get crazy.

[38:58]

And also I get exhausted pretty fast. Yeah, that's true. I remember watching Suzuki Roshi work. It was an iconic moment for me. I guess he was in his 60s or something at the time. I was in my 20s. And we had a lot of young men helping him move big stones in a stream under the bridge at Tassajara.

[40:03]

Because the foundations of the bridge built up stone that had been eroded by a flash flood of this stream. And so they were trying to rebuild it. And it had to be done fairly quickly because there could be another bunch of water coming. Mostly, this is now just a complete aside, um, um, Most of the time there was no water in the stream. It was just, you know, a gully. And the poet Philip Whelan, who lived in Tassajara quite a while, and the stream had no name.

[41:08]

It was a young student named Kabarga. And we were thinking, we ought to name this stream. This young boy put up his hand and said, I've never had anything named after me, can we name it after me? So it became Kabarga Creek. And then Philip wrote a book, one of his books of poems, and he wrote a lot of the poems at Tassajara, was Canoeing Up Kabarga Creek. Yeah. But if you just buy the book, you have no idea what he meant by canoeing up this creek with no water. Anyway, all these young men were helping Suzuki Roshi. And they were starting about eight in the morning and ending around six at night.

[42:27]

And the stones were big, as big as this platform. half this platform and Suzuki Roshi worked the whole time in his 60s and he never seemed to be tired so I watched him carefully from above on the bridge looking down I had other things to do And I can now tell you this story. Anyway, they were all the young American boys who were all kind of working all the time. As soon as he wasn't doing something, he was just completely relaxed. Standing there and looking around. So he was only exerting himself when he was exerting himself the rest of the time.

[43:45]

His body was completely relaxed. Because you've touched his shoulders, they were always soft. So it must be time for a break. Thank you very much. Thanks for translating. I always know that's going to happen someday.

[45:35]

I have to give you a throat, you know. Hmm? I need a little thicker cushion.

[46:45]

I have some stuffing to fill you. You travel with it, I know, just in case. What's your relationship to the Roshi? I walk around with stuffing for his cushion. I'm just waiting for you to say that. Okay, thank you. What shall we talk about? What's on your mind? bodily mind or on your intention. Yes? I'm sure. To be fairly intimate with the field of mind. And I also connect this with what you said about peeling off consciousness from mind. So being intimate is not an act of consciousness, like awareness. So I don't really know whether what I experience is what Dogen is speaking about.

[48:20]

But if I get a feeling for what it might mean to be steadily intimate with the field of mind, something within me gets very restless Unrestful? Unwell. Well, so... I can't really describe it, but as if... as if I were being cheated. I cannot describe this really well, but I'd like it would be a threat to my consciousness.

[49:35]

Oh, but it is a threat to you, aren't you? It's the biggest threat to your consciousness since insanity. It's the biggest threat to your consciousness since insanity. What came to my mind is that it is somehow free for me to be in an environment from which people come together, from which I understand that they also like each other and they like each other. And what also came up related to that is that it's helpful for me to be in a surrounding with people that are also practicing and familiar with that field of mind. That's what we're doing.

[50:37]

Trying to create this familiarity. Because it helps. I mean our mind and our sense of the durative present has been primarily created by our culture and our habits and our experience. And since it's been created by the population and generations of population. You know, I mean, this is just my interesting words, but the word cosmos in Greek means to give order to. So it also became, which is kind of interesting, the word for cosmetic, because cosmetics are the way you give order to your appearance.

[51:52]

So some of us are better at it than others. So our governments, our institutions, our habits, our way of thinking from Greek times on and before are about how to create order so we can have a life, a biological life which is extremely ordered within an ordered relationship with the world. I'm not saying anything we all don't know. But it's good to remind ourselves that the order we experience is a cultural creation.

[53:14]

And we can see it, excuse me for saying so, in the politics right now of Europe with the refugees because they seem to threaten this order. Okay. Okay. So, just for example, because I was experiencing it, this, as I've mentioned quite a few times, January 12th, this very old friend of mine died partly because of blood thinners. He fell on his head. Nobody noticed he was there. He bled to death or bled enough that he couldn't be, wouldn't have been good if he'd been saved.

[54:22]

So anyway, I met him before I knew Satyagrisha. When I was 21 and he was 24, 25. And those four or five years, in fact, he entered semi-adult world at about 16. helped me become an adult. Yeah. And so I can notice that my present configuration, my experience of the present has been created in many ways by him. As my present has also been created in even larger part, of course, by Suzuki Roshi.

[55:39]

And part of what lineage is, you're somehow strong enough, which Earl helped me be, is to let someone else help create your present. And it was also the case that I was completely somehow sure from pretty early on, you know, a single digit age kid.

[56:47]

A single digit? You know, seven or eight or nine, not two digits, ten. I didn't mean I had only one finger. I didn't mean I had only one finger. He didn't do that. But because I had this early decision that I did not want my present or my idea of self or experience to be defined by our culture. I decided earlier I did not want any career in our culture.

[58:01]

So through that decision and through Sukhiroshi and Earl I was open to reforming my experience of the present through the wisdom of the Dharma, through the practice of the Dharma. But I actually absorbed Suzuki Roshi's death quite okay because I knew it was coming and he and I both acknowledged he was dying and so forth. But with Urb it's been much more difficult because somehow I hung out with him for four or five years continuously and And somehow the way I'm put together, it wasn't right for him to die yet.

[59:20]

But with Earl it was much more difficult. We were very close together for four or five years. And in the way he was part of me, or in this combination, I was not yet ready for him to die. I am sorry about these personal stories. But again, what I reminded of when I used to have to wash dishes all the time as a kid, my job after meals. Aber es erinnert mich auch daran, dass ich als Kind den Job hatte, nach dem Essen das Geschirr abzuwaschen. I've told you quite often that I used to be fascinated with the silverware under the soap. So I'd take a glass and look at the silverware. Ich habe euch oft erzählt, dass ich fasziniert war über das Besteck unterhalb des Schaums. Und ich habe ein Glas genommen und durch das Wasser auf das Besteck geschaut. Deki, are you through the dishes yet? It's been an hour. But I can feel now, I can use a kind of Dharma to look at how my present is constructed and I can see Earl and Suzuki Roshi.

[60:39]

Yeah. So, when you change how you The actual present is put together in your sensorium through memory, experience, views, and so forth. If you can change how the actual present is put together in you through memories, through the sensorium, through perceptions, Particularly when the elements have come together cosmically, so that they give order to your life. It's very hard. You have to keep reconstructing your present as you get older.

[61:41]

and circumstances change and so forth. And that's interesting to say to reconstruct the present which you find your presence within. And I'm using myself as an example of a practitioner. Okay, but now we have to look at the craft here. Really, I can say this image of peeling the mind and consciousness apart. And I can also, as I've often said, you can feel the contents of mind and at some point you start feeling the field of mind.

[62:56]

And laying the foundation for this practice happens at the very beginning of practice. For instance, when you notice that you're angry and you practice the traditional forms of mindfulness you're noticing that you're angry but you're not identifying with the anger. So you notice, oh, now I'm more angry. Look at me, I'm more angry. Oh, I'm really angry, boiling over. Now it's less. Well, you practice that enough. And without identifying with the anger, you are basically peeling mind and consciousness apart.

[64:21]

Because you're creating the experience of a field of mind which doesn't have to get caught by the anger. And at some point, you can simply shift your sense of location from the anger, which is happening all the time, shift it, I mean, the shift is happening all the time, you can shift it more intentionally and with awareness to the field of mind. And then from that time on, when you really do it, you're no longer angry. I mean, you can be angry, but it's a kind of communication or it's something you watch yourself, but you don't really...

[65:24]

It doesn't catch you biologically. So when you say, for instance, the field of mind, The process of establishing experientially, bodily, a field of mind, which is an intentional wisdom practice, and helped by Zazen, Just being able to sit through physical pain in zazen helps establish another field. Yeah, okay. So the process of establishing and locating experientially a field of mind is a big thing.

[66:26]

And then what does the word intimate mean? And for Dogen it means I would say most of what he means is an experience of no distance. So a non-dual experience of the world would be an intimate experience of the world. When you're intimate with another person, there's of course a feeling of no distance, very little distance between you. Okay, in any case, practice is to explore these things as you seem to be doing. And the more you really do it, the more there are various levels of resistance and fear.

[67:40]

I don't mean you, of course, but one could have fear. I can remember I've had various times which I had tremendous fear. I could feel a ship coming which I didn't know what was happening. Excuse me for that long response. No one else. Yes, Adi. I can't feel it even wiser. I liked very much your image of the water with on the surface the waves of the individuals.

[69:00]

That's how I understood it. Yes, that's how I meant it. And there is a term in Buddhism called self-delusion. I think there is a term in Buddhism that is self-delusion. Yes, a big time. Very nice, yes. And I understand this term in such a way that self-delusion is the illusion of having an inanimate self. And I understand this image that the self-illusion is the illusion that there is a separate self. That's part of it, yes. But it's not just the idea you have a separate self.

[70:02]

Your actual experience moment to moment is a continuity rooted in the... constant affirmation of self. Now I'm going to start to have a toothache. Now that you have a chance, these two can't sit in there. Okay. But I understand it like this, that the connection... So how I understand it from the image is that there is a connection that we that we come out of or emerge

[71:10]

Yes, that's right. And the word exist actually means what sticks out. Literally, it's the etymology. Well, this is too easy. Oh, shucks. We all know that we are we, and this is not some superficial nothing, and it doesn't go away like... It doesn't. Well, I mean, I'm somehow stuck with myself. It's not a bad experience, actually.

[72:31]

Your kids like it, and Eric likes it. And I know the experience of connection and of appearing. also in myself. But when you talk about... That's how strong she said, but... When you talk about the cage and about the basket. You said this was going to be easy. I said it's not easy. Oh, not easy. A dandelion. This cage is... This is substantial. I mean, of course I made it. It's my own. It's my own making. It's not only your own making.

[73:33]

Eric probably participated. Actually, maybe everybody did. Yeah, your kids participated. They want you to be a wonderful mama. Meine Erfahrung ist, und das ist für mich was relativ Neues, mit diesem Käfig zu praktizieren. My experience is, and this is something relatively new for me, is practicing with the cage. Yeah, good. Weil das ist wirklich schwer, den Käfig überhaupt zu bemerken. Because it's really difficult to even notice the cage. That's true. And... There was Yunyang for 20 years with Bajang, Yakujo, and he still didn't notice the cage. And we have been talking during breaks how difficult it is to notice that, which is so obvious and so close that you cannot notice it.

[74:44]

So this is for me an interesting territory and it is also part of it. So this is an interesting territory for me and it's part of this discussion for me. Yes, okay. I understand. Of course. That you can say it's a cage is already a big step. No, I usually say one of the... definitions of the activity of consciousness is categorizing, creating categories. And the categories can be baskets and cages.

[75:46]

But they can also be just categories. So you don't have to you can get rid of the caging and basketing qualities and just have categories. And we can imagine the suchness enlightenment being Bodhisattva means suchness enlightenment So the suchness enlightenment being can shift, he or she may be quite free and only located in the field of mind, ideally and in fact, But he or she can shift into the categories of consciousness in order to function in the world.

[77:09]

But when the categories are challenged for some reason, you lose your job or somebody criticizes you or something, you don't have anxiety about it. They're just talking about one of the categories. And when your category might be some ambition is required for me now in my job or my organization or something, There's a certain kind of ambition required to function. But your emotions, your identity, aren't tied to that ambition.

[78:19]

It's just something you have to do. I think now, in the ages, all these monks going up the hill with these huge staircases, I'd come up from the Zandor where I was, and the steps are going, like a big black caterpillar is going up the steps. Well, I wouldn't push my way in. I've been taught not to do that. So I'd end up at the end of the line always. And then I get criticized. What are you doing always at the end of the line? I thought, I don't know. What's wrong with you? And I said, I'm not going to push in. And they said, no, you have to push in, but not too much.

[79:35]

Yeah, it's like that. Yes? So this idea of encountering this upcoming anger or boiling anger with mindfulness woke me up. Oh, good. Ich habe mich in den letzten Jahren sehr viel mit Ed Brown beschäftigt During the past years I have been dealing with Ed Brown much. And in one of his books he writes about an experience with Suzuki Roshi and that's what I took as a help for me, this story.

[80:56]

The story that he comes to Suzuki Roshi and complains about his mother's grudge. The story that he comes to Suzuki Roshi and complains about his own bursts of anger. Because there were a lot of troubles and frictions in the kitchen because of that. Suzuki Roshi actually said, you can be angry But don't. It's like that, yeah. And maybe in a thousand cases, once or twice, I succeed in that. Yeah. But I will anyway try what you just suggested, or it is a similar idea.

[82:11]

Yeah, it's basically the same territory. But Ed Brown was, he would really burst out. He's a very aesthetic, intelligent person. But he's also somebody who had uncontrolled body movements during Zazen. And I... Usually, in my experience over the years, it's been mostly women who've had these experiences, but Ed Brown was one of the persons who had the big time as a male. And it's called then sickness sometimes, Charles Look, Chuck Luck, as Philip Williams used to call him, Charles Luke's book describes these uncontrolled movements.

[83:28]

And Ed, when he would sit, would just literally jump off his cushion. He'd leap. This whole body would jump off his cushion. And you had to be careful if you sat next to him. Yeah. But, you know, I... And he would get up sometimes. I had to be the tanto, head of practice at San Francisco Center. And he jumped up sometimes and started shouting and hitting the stick on the wooden partition between people sitting and things, where the big dance... So Ed is a person who really had a problem with his emotions taking over his physiology. So I and Suzuki Roshi, you know, because he started with Suzuki Roshi, worked with him on this, you know.

[84:49]

Don't. Make this separation. It's hard to do, but he achieved it. Yes. Why? I understand this separation and emotions. And I always ask myself, how did the separation begin? The connection to when there is a physical identity, which is very narrow. the connection to when it's a bodily identity is very near. When emotions are a bodily identity is very near.

[85:55]

Well, no... That's not the reason. Just talk about... There is something like a bodily identity. So I just simply mean something like today I feel sick. And I always ask myself what is the... And I'm also always asking myself, is there also a separation and disidentification from the bodily self? That's a step I find more difficult to do, whether mental or emotional. But can't you also feel my body is sick but I don't feel sick?

[86:59]

But at the same time, I noticed that the quality of my attention is like drawn somehow a little bit. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. I'm not suffering from it, but it's clear that there is somehow a bodily limit, like bound to the body. Well, I've observed this, of course, over the years. I have never minded being sick. I mean, not for years. I'd rather enjoy it, it's like different. But I had the flu once, many years ago, which was for some reason accompanied by incredibly painful headaches.

[88:16]

I don't know why. And I can remember thinking, I like being sick, but I don't like this. But what is the point for me? There are the practice qualities of being connected, feeling nourished. These qualities and also the preciseness of attention. So my feeling is they get lost within sickness.

[89:27]

Okay, I'm sorry. Well, better if they don't. So that was the question, whether it's even possible or not. Yes, well. So let me say a couple things because we are supposed to eat at some point. 6.30. 6.30? Oh, I may be at 6. Okay. 6.30 is a little late to eat. It's too late now to change the schedule. I would say we eat at 6 or 6.15. Okay. Okay. One statement I just want to say is a Zen saying. We practice to realize the way things are in order to realize the way things are.

[90:31]

I think that's all useful to me. Okay, so I would like to speak a little bit about again my emphasis on the craft of practice. So let me give you an example. I've often spoke about this statement that's in the at the center, one of the centers of this yinzha koan, about conveying yourself to the ten thousand things. Now, Tanahashi's translation is to carry yourself forward, and experience myriad things is delusion.

[91:51]

That myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening. Okay, so that's his translation. And Ujjamaa Roshi's translation is conveying oneself toward all things. To convey something is to bring it to. Would you convey that to Vienna for me? Conveying oneself. Maybe it's better not to look at it, huh? Maybe, yes. Conveying oneself toward all things. To carry out practice enlightenment. is delusion.

[92:56]

All things coming and carrying out practice enlightenment through the self is realization. Now, I find the language doesn't lend itself to actualizing that. Okay, now here's my version. And it's not just my version. I mean, it's my version which I've put together for many people's versions. And I've emphasized it as a practice many times. over the years. So how I prefer, from the point of view of actualizing this, and for Genjo Koan it's about actualization, is to cultivate and authenticate

[94:05]

the ten thousand things, by conveying the self to them, is delusion. So I'll say that again. To cultivate and authenticate the ten thousand things by conveying the self to them is delusion. But for the 10,000 things to come forward and cultivate and authenticate the self is enlightenment. Yeah. I was assuming you all know this by heart because I taught it so well. And sometimes it can be verification, to verify.

[95:20]

So, in other words, if you notice, from my point of view, I can practice this. I can notice that if I convey the self to things, when I came back from... I guess it was when I flew from... Drove three days and then flew to Zurich. I was, you know, fine. But then about three days later I had a kind of airplane-induced sickness and a bit of jet lag.

[96:23]

And I guess during the winter branches those of you who were there might remember I had the experience of wanting to stay in bed long enough to try to get better But at some point, I no longer wanted to be horizontal. My body said, this is not this horizontality, I want verticality. So I got up. But I examined the feeling. And wanting to be vertical was a biological street. And I could see that just biologically I'd been in bed too long.

[97:54]

So my biological stream, we could call it or something, wanted to be vertical. And then in the world that way. But then I also had the feeling that yes, and when I'm vertical I can start dealing with things I'm supposed to deal with as a self. So I stayed in bed and observed that. And it was like my biological stream, field, wanted to be vertical. And then it needed something to do. Oh, he could eat some breakfast and things like that, but he wanted something else to do too.

[99:06]

So I could feel that my selfological stream, I could say psychological, but I like selfological better. My biological identity or field or stream wanted to unroll the selfological stream because then I'd have something to do and could get some work done and make... Nicole is the director happy because I'm kind of slow. She's very fast. She's expecting me to do all these things. But I could feel I can get up and be just in the biological stream which is something like awareness and not unroll the cephalogical

[100:10]

But if I do unroll the selfological stream it wants to be cultivated, developed and authenticated. And it wants to convey the self to all the things I have to do. So I think that I've really written this letter that she asked me to write. and I give it to her hoping for some authentication of myself and she says well the first paragraph is very good but I don't like the latter paragraph didn't you do that? So I'd be de-authenticated.

[101:30]

And I, you know, it was still authenticated. Oh, I see. But when I try to do that, that's delusion. But when I let things come forward, But now what we've done is let's not call it the 10,000 things. Let's say for the 10,000 dharmas to come forward. Because now I've authenticated or something very... all the appearances as empty.

[102:34]

And when the 10,000 dharmas which are also empty come forward, they cultivate and authenticate the self in a way we call enlightenment. So you see, I can do that with my version, but I can't do it with the other two versions. So when I'm working on these things with you, I'm always trying to find a way to speak about it with you. That you can introduce it into your own activity. Okay. Any comments? Thank you. Does it make sense what I said?

[103:43]

Yes, Irene? Yes, Irene? You're just authenticating me. Oh, I see. Yes, Eric? I think it looks very good. I think it looks very good. Okay, good. This always looks great. That's what she said, doesn't it? Both lines were very good. Both? All right. But... No? All right. ... During practice period in one of your lectures you pointed out the distinction between the benefits of practice and transformative practice.

[104:59]

And for me, in my view, transformative practice is very important. But this means that you have to function differently than you're used to function. Usually if we want to gain something, we put effort in it. But if we do that in practicing, then we will never be able to leave this cage. That's true. Something like that's true. And what I like so much about how you put this now... Yes, what is the part of the world, the part of things? How can they transform us?

[106:37]

And what attitude can we take to allow this transformation? And Christa, which one? Christa said today, quoting you, Christa said so, Don't allow that the sutras turn you. Dogen said that first. So I would also contradict this. Because I think it also, you should also be turned by the world.

[107:40]

Yeah. For me, this is the secret to love being turned by the world. And I think I have learned a lot from you in that. Thank you. I hope a little. Not at all. It's been 20 years or something like that. 28 years. What a failure I am as a teacher. No. Yeah, but partly that's Dogen saying that as a political statement. What Dogen said, don't let the sutras turn you, you turn the sutras.

[108:49]

Because the dominant teachings during Dogen's youth were Tendai and Shingon. Tendai being very philosophical, Shingon being tantric but also very established in steps and stages. And Dogen studied initially at Mount Hiei in Kyoto. At the time Zen was beginning to be introduced in a new way to And there's some Japanese word for it, I forget, which means you practice according to the way the sutras and the teachings tell you to practice.

[109:54]

And he made a life decision to not practice that way but to practice Zen instead. And what he meant by you turn the sutras is that you embody the teaching of the sutras and then you see where that leads you and you're open to where it takes you so it's open-ended And it's part of the shift from Buddha being the end point of your practice to Buddha being only the beginning point of your practice. And so since Zen, particularly our way of working in Zen, practicing Buddha, we don't know what it will be.

[111:24]

As Sukhya would say, I often repeat it, you will each have your own enlightenment. Not Buddha's enlightenment, your own enlightenment. Because if everything is really changing, then Buddhism is developing, evolving and emerging in ways that can't be predicted from its source. So thanks for bringing that up. Okay. Can we sit a little bit?

[112:25]

I said it was going to happen to me. Felix, you're always ahead.

[112:37]

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