Yesterday we chanted together the universal encouragements for the ceremony of sitting meditation. And then later that morning I talked to you about the text. And one of the things I suggested is that, without saying so, the text can be seen as giving a general perspective on what the sitting meditation of the Buddhas is, and then giving some instructions about how to practice calming and concentrating, gathering and opening the mind, settling the mind into undistracted presence, which back in India was called shamatha or samadhi,

[01:19]

Sometimes even dhyana practice. This morning I'd like to also suggest that then after these calming instructions, one gives instructions in insight meditation or observing meditation. contemplating. So without mentioning the ancient way of putting it as and observing, I think at the center of the text are instructions for calming and observing. I find it interesting, and you may too, that in a very influential school in Chinese Buddhism, a doctrinal school, called

[02:39]

Originally, the founder of the school and his teachers called the practice, the overarching practice of the Bodhisattva, they called it Chan or Zen. And they meant by that term the overall practice which included tranquility and insight. But later, this Chang master changed the name for his basic overall all-embracing practice from Zen to Juerguan, which is Chinese way of saying shamatha vipassana. Then the term Zen was kind of like, what's called, up for grabs, and so people used it to describe this new school which came up a hundred, two hundred years later.

[03:56]

Where again, can be seen as a term to, as an overarching term for practice. as a term for both calming and observing. The Zen people did not mention those terms very often except in referring to this other school, the Tendai school and other schools that do these two practices. the great teacher Dogen grew up on a mountain that was a mountain where the practice of this Tendai school was the main thing going on there. So he grew up in an environment of jirguan, shamatha vipassana.

[05:04]

He grew up in an environment of practicing calming and observing. And this is one way to look at shamatha and vipassana. This is the causal way, calming and observing. The effect way of looking at it is tranquility and insight. And the reality way of looking at it is silence and illumination. And later, Soto Zen in China, their practice there, their overall overarching practice was silent illumination. So there's some interesting

[06:06]

resonances here, that the Soto school practice in China was called by the words, the terms that the Tiantai people used for reality. is silence and stillness on one side, on the other side, illumination. The union of quiescence, what do you call it, silent light, no, yeah, silent light, quiescence and illumination. Back to the Pukkan Zazengi, We talked about the calming practices yesterday. And these calming practices, you could say, are the basis or cause of the effect. And the effect is tranquility or calm. So they're calming and then they have the effect of calm.

[07:10]

They're clarifying and they have the effect of clarity. They're opening. and they have the effect of a relaxed, open, relaxed, soft body and mind. Do you follow this so far? You know, with some familiarity with this text, it gives these instructions for letting go of all kinds of discursive thinking, letting go of all kinds of mental involvements and movements, letting them go. And then it says, you know, settle into a steady, immobile sitting position. And once you've settled into this steady and mobile position, I think we can understand this, this means a calm, undistracted stillness.

[08:16]

That familiar? Then it says, without saying, and now for insight practice, then it says, think. Think. So first it's saying, let go of your thinking, let it go, [...] and settle, settle, settle. Put aside the thinking. Settle. Now think again. And it says... of not thinking. Now, the English translation of of is put of in there, but, you know, I don't have to deal with academics, so I would just say, instead of think of, I would say, because the Chinese doesn't have of in there, it says think, not thinking.

[09:27]

Then it says, how? Think, not thinking. And then it says, not thinking. So it gives calming instruction. Now this is insight instruction. It's instruction of how to work with thinking in a way that goes beyond just letting go of it. It doesn't contradict letting go of it. and let it contradict with thinking not thinking. Then after saying that, the text says, this is the essential art of Zaza. Now, as I've mentioned over and over, that word essential is fine. The Chinese character there does mean essential. But the Chinese character also means key, key to, main point, pivot, and also means necessary.

[10:37]

There's a wonderful character which means pivot, essence, and necessity, or pivotal, essential, and necessary. All those are the characteristics of this practice. And this is the art of sitting meditation. The pivotal art. The art of calming is part of the sitting meditation too. But it's not the part where you pivot. You settle. Once settled, then pivot. And the way you pivot is by this new way of thinking, which is a thinking which is pivoting with not thinking. And it's also a not thinking that's pivoting.

[11:45]

But how can that be? How do we do that? We have a practice now called non-thinking, which is the way we pivot with non-thinking. Now, one might wonder, what is this non-thinking? Well, I would say it is right-thinking. In the Eightfold Path, it's right-thinking. But another way to describe it is intimate transmission. It is communion. this pivoting, this pivotal activity, which is the pivotal art of zazen, is the communion of thinking and not thinking. So I'm proposing to you that we can look maybe, we can look through this lens that I'm proposing and see this

[12:50]

very important text in our tradition as teaching tranquility and insight, as teaching calm observing. Excuse me, but would you mind speaking up? This is so important and I can't hear it. Thank you. I will try to speak up and tell me again if I'm not speaking loudly enough. Should I do the whole thing over again? So where did I start? Now, what I'm doing now is offering verbal teachings which you can listen to and understand, hopefully, and then make them part of you.

[14:00]

Learn them by heart, if you wish. And then, once you know them pretty well, then practice calming and observing. Practice calming and then observe these teachings that come up in your mind. And these teachings are about calming through letting go of thinking and then contemplating thinking in such a way that you realize that it's not thinking. Or contemplating thinking in a way that you realize that thinking is not what you think thinking is. It thinking is beyond what you think it is. But you do think it's something, and that's thinking. So contemplate the thinking about thinking to realize that thinking is beyond thinking.

[15:06]

I translated the last part of that instruction. Think not thinking. How do you think not thinking? I said non-thinking. But a lot of people, a lot, several of the translators translate that last line as beyond thinking. So the way that you manage to think not thinking is beyond thinking. Thinking is a human activity. Thinking of not thinking is human activity. Not thinking is human activity. But this non-thinking is beyond human activity. Again, non-thinking is this communion. In communion we will see that things are not things, that thinking is not thinking.

[16:13]

And this little instruction in insight, which is given to who? Who is it given to? Hmm? Louder. Louder. Louder. I heard the note. What did she say? Sentient beings. Sentient beings. Thank you. It's actually given to sentient beings who have practiced the first part of the text. So this is a teaching for everybody, but this teaching I'm talking about is given to the people who have settled into a steady, immobile sitting position. We... So... Actually, anyway, so now that you've settled, we give you this teaching. And this teaching came from somebody who we've talked about before, Yaoshan.

[17:25]

Yaoshan is the disciple of Shurto, who wrote, who composed. Yeah, we don't know if he wrote it. He composed. He might have said it, and other people wrote it down. Are you totally okay? So Shurto composed, expressed this harmony of difference and equality. His disciple, his main disciple is Yaoshan. So there's two big stories, or maybe more, Yaoshan's sitting. So now today I feel like Shurto was a wonderful teacher, and he composed a wonderful verse, and he probably transmitted it to his students, like Yaoshan. But Yaoshan, I don't know much. He mostly, like, was a physical. He was expressing the harmony of difference and equality with his body.

[18:31]

So we have one teacher who is sitting, shirto means on top of a rock, So he practiced in a hut on top of a rock. He sat too, but then he gave this teaching came out of his mouth and then Yashan practiced it by sitting. And so he was sitting one day. He had settled into immobile sitting. And a monk came to him and said, sitting in this immobile way, what kind of thinking is going on?" And Yashan said, And the monk said, how do you think not thinking? And Yashan said, non-thinking. Dogen, in the version of the Bufuan Zazengi We-chant, Dogen took that story as it's a story of our ancestors.

[19:39]

He took it as meditation instruction, as the essential art of Zazen, as put in those words. And he also says, he says, among all the instructions for Zazen, this is the best. And there's . This text is modeled on a monastic manual in which there is instructions for sitting meditation. In Chinese it's called . It was composed at the beginning of the 12th century. Dogen had that text and he modeled the Fukanzazengi on that meditation text and made some changes. But in his early version, one part, the same as the Chinese part, is that he says, after you settle into a steady immobile sitting position,

[20:49]

after you're calm and concentrated, then he says, then, when thoughts arise, when thoughts arise, just observe them. In the Chinese text and in the early version of Dogen's text, Dogen says, when sitting now in stillness, when thoughts arise, observe them. Just observe them. And that would also mean when thoughts about feelings arise, when thoughts about emotion, when all kinds of judgments, whatever arises, those things you let go of before, and you calm down by letting them go, now you're calm. Now those same things, now this time, instead of letting them go, Now that you've learned how to not hold on to them, when they arise, just observe them.

[21:54]

Dogen wrote that, and it's the same, it's a quote from the Chinese text. The Fukanzazengi was written in Chinese, and still is written in Chinese. Thoughts arise, observe them. Quoting the Chinese text. When you observe them, they will vanish. In the stillness, when thoughts arise, just observe them. When you observe them, they will vanish. Remain in such a state of forgetfulness by observing and letting them vanish, letting them vanish, letting them vanish, and remaining in this state where the objects have vanished. the mind naturally becomes unified.

[22:56]

And then the text says, this is the essential art of sitting meditation. The Chinese text says, this is the essential art. And Dogen's early text says, this is the essential art. And that seems very much like many insight meditations. So Dogen Zenji shifts from this more typical or easily recognizable insight instruction to using a story, a dialogue, a conversation to convey the practice. Which I think again is more to the point of what Zazen is. Zazen is a conversation. The essential art is a conversation between the practitioner and the Buddha, between thinking and not thinking, between this and not this.

[24:10]

It's a conversation. It's an inquiry. It's a questioning. What is thinking? And there's many stories where Zen teachers give insight instruction. They give it to calm people. They see a con person, they say, what's thinking? And the con person says something like, not thinking. You know that, don't you, teacher? I appreciate that some people, some scholars and Zen priests, when they look at Dogen, they have been able to say at various points in history that in the meditation practice, concentration and wisdom are unified. I agree. We have six paramitas.

[25:10]

The last two are concentration and wisdom. In our sitting practice, the wisdom and the concentration are unified. But that's like saying in — that's very similar to say in Dogen's meditation practice, calming and insight are unified. Insight are unified. But that's also what many Indian Buddhist texts say, that if you do insight work and you're not calm, it's not insight work, it's just thinking. As a matter of fact, your thinking can be very crazy if you're not calm. But if you're calm, your thinking tends to be insight rather than insanity.

[26:11]

Even if you're smart, you can still have insight if you're really calm. If you're not calm, you're really dull. So then your thinking is not such a problem. It's just boring. But there are some people who have really intelligent minds and they're really unstable and tense closed and distracted, and their intelligent mind is just a huge danger. So the calming practice, which is based on generosity, ethical discipline, and enthusiasm, that calm makes our thinking insight rather than just a karma machine. Usually our thinking is our karma.

[27:18]

It's a definition of karma. Am I talking loudly enough, mostly? I guess not. Can't hear me? Am I talking loudly enough? Great, thank you. You're welcome. Oh my God, the kitchen's leaving already. Can you stay till 1055? What's the story? I'd just like to know. You can leave, but what time are you supposed to leave? It's not 1055 yet. 49. But you can go if you want to, please. You won't miss anything other than your friends saying brilliant things. So again I want to set the stage for more talk about Yashan by pointing out his style of teaching.

[28:32]

Right? He's sitting in stillness to people and in these brilliant ways of showing him the mind of insight in stillness. He could have been sitting giving a Dharma talk and then people might not have asked him what kind of sit they could hear it but they asked and he spoke this way. And this echoes with the story which I think you've heard before When he was younger, he was sitting and his teacher came to him and said, what are you doing sitting there so still? And what did he say? No, it's a different story. He said, I'm not doing anything at all. That's what he said to his teacher, Shirto.

[29:35]

And then his teacher says again, What are you doing sitting there? I'm not doing anything at all. The teacher says, Then are you idly sitting? And Yaoshan said, If I were idly sitting, I would be doing something. And then the teacher, Shurto, says, You say you're not doing anything at all. What is this not doing anything at all? What is it? And Yashan said, even the ten thousand sages don't know. And then Shetho composed a poem praising his great disciple. Do you see his style? And then I told you the story earlier during... He was now... after he, maybe at the time he was sitting in the story where the monk asks him what kind of thinking is going on, but maybe later when he was an abbot, he hadn't been giving lectures, so the director came and said, they would like to hear from you.

[31:02]

Please come and give us some teachings. So he went in, got up in the seat, and then after he was seated, he got down and went back to his room. The director followed him and said, we asked you to come and give a talk, but you just went and got in your seat, and after you were seated, you went back to your room. And Yao Shan said, experts on the scriptures teach the scriptures. Experts on the commentaries teach the commentaries. Please give this old monk a break. Leave me alone. Don't beat me up. Of course, he did give them a talk by getting on the seat. That was his teaching. But he didn't say anything. That's case number one, which is in resonance with case number one, where the World Honored One did the same thing.

[32:06]

The World Honored One got up in the seat and sat. But in the case of the World Honored One, the Bodhisattva Manjushri said, Hey, look at the teaching. But when Yashan got in the seat, nobody said, hey, look at the teaching. They did look at it, but nobody said, there's the teaching. Don't be greedy for more words. So they got down and the director didn't get it. But Maybe the director didn't know about it, so it got into the record of great teachings. It's Yao Shan's great teaching all day long. His body, his voice, his silence. Now the kitchen can go. Released. And if any people who are still trapped here want to come up and offer something to the Great Assembly, there's a place here to make offerings.

[33:13]

Are you hearing me okay? Yes, welcome. Hi. Hi. So in this really great Mahamudra manual, which we invented in our practice... So it's hard for people behind you to hear. Kind of loudly. In this really great Mahamudra manual, which Mahamudra is another, it's a Tibetan practice, but it also emphasizes shamatha and vipassana, It talks about how, you know, once you're in stillness, look at your thoughts. And then the student says, stillness, I think of my thoughts, my thoughts dissolve. And the master said, well, don't use emptiness as a solution to thoughts. And you talk about that, about you're saying how thoughts kind of just dissolve away. But he's saying, don't let that just be an answer. So it sounds like that this Mahamudra teacher commenting on this vipassana exercise wants that vanishing to be in conversation.

[35:02]

It wants that vanishing, wonderful vanishing, which will maybe have all kinds of good effects, it wants that to not stop at that and be in conversation, which in fact At the time of the story you're telling me, there's a conversation going on. So the teacher can say, and maybe the monk could say more. Like, thank you. Thank you for protecting this vanishing from becoming nihilistic. And that reminds me, at least, of a story of Bodhidharma. with his first student, Kweka. His instruction is, outwardly, you know, don't get involved, let it go. Inwardly, don't get involved. With a mind like this, you enter the way.

[36:03]

That was the instruction. And then in one version of the story, seven years later, after working on that, Hoeka said, the student has no further involvements. You know, there's no, everything's vanished, you could say. And then Bodhidharma says, is that getting, has that become nihilistic? And the student says, no. So, Bodhidharma's questioning that non-involvement that as possibly nihilistic. Sounds like the Mahamudra's teacher is questioning of that state. He actually goes further and says, if you use that as your practice, you'll wind up being reborn in the formless realm. Yeah, good, yeah. So if you use that, you'll be born in the formless realm where it's pretty difficult to practice compassion.

[37:05]

And Bodhidharma says, watch out, that could turn into nihilism. And Huayka says, no problem. And Bodhidharma says, prove it. And then he says, I'm always clearly aware. There's no involvement, so I'm clearly aware. And no words reach it. But I can talk to you when you ask me questions. I added that part. Obviously he can talk. Even though no words reach where he is, he can respond to it. He's not caught in the formless realm. And then Bodhidharma says, this is the way. Thank you. That's a very good resonance with Mahamudra and this teaching. Thank you very much. Good morning.

[38:35]

Good morning. The problem with not amplifying is remembering to speak loud and to have an intimate conversation. That's tricky. Yeah, right. It's hard to have an intimate conversation when you're talking really loudly. You really want to whisper this, but you've got to yell it for people in the back to hear. Just two things. One, I thought maybe I want to apologize, or no, I thought maybe you were playing. I just wanted to have it keep being repeated, but I think actually you didn't hear. I'm not sure. I didn't hear, but I was playing. Yeah. I can play when I can't hear. And then I realized I could have just asked for help, which I got anyway.

[39:38]

Can I say something interesting? I don't think you say uninteresting things. May I? When you said it's hard to maybe speak loudly when you want to say something intimately. And a few seconds later I thought of opera singers. They really speak to us intimately, even though they're super high volume. They can talk, they can get in there. So let's have your operetta now. I'd like for you to do that as well. Okay. All right. Do you hear that, Grace? And it's not just Grace, anyway. It's not just Grace. No. This morning I had a thought about the non-thinking, having kind of people wondering, including myself, about what is non-thinking.

[40:48]

And I thought of one of the expressions the teaching through you, is sitting without trying to get anything. It might be a way of non-thinking. And then I thought, if you see something fall without thinking, or a person, or a thing, you might reach for it, which is not thinking. It's kind of the bodhisattva vow. It's not like you're doing compassion, but Non-thinking, or is that non-thinking or not-thinking? I am thinking of it as non-thinking. Yeah, I would say it's non-thinking. And non-thinking, again, it doesn't mean there's no thinking going on. Right. Non-thinking, thinking is not thinking. Say that again. In non-thinking, thinking is not thinking.

[41:50]

Yes. In other words, in non-thinking, thinking is free of thinking. So you can reach down and catch something. They're still thinking, but the thinking isn't tying you up so you can help somebody. Beyond what you think you could ordinarily do, non-thinking will allow that. Or even maybe that you want, it's sort of... I don't mean the word empathic, but it's a response according to your wish to be a benefit without wondering at some moment, I wonder if this is beneficial or kind or not. Right. It's a response from your wish to be a benefit which is unhindered as a benefit. Right. Yeah. So, here we go. Non-thinking. Non-thinking.

[42:51]

is released thinking and also released not thinking. If we're trapped in not thinking, we become nihilistic. So non-thinking is... not thinking is not trapped because not thinking is thinking, and thinking is not trapped because thinking is not thinking. Is the non-thinking also conditioned by our thinking that transforms conditioning. Non-thinking is conditioned by our thinking and beyond our thinking. It's free of our thinking. But affected by our thinking. I wouldn't say exactly affected. Our thinking is already included.

[43:55]

It's our thinking in conversation. With intimacy. It's intimacy, yeah. But intimacy isn't really affected by anything. It includes everything, but it depends on everything, because it includes everything. ...includes it. But it isn't really affected by anything. It's the whole works. It's the opera. It's the opera. Thank you. You're welcome. You can come up, Kat, and wait for him. So maybe, if I offer this story, it will help us come to a mutual understanding.

[45:44]

Can you hear him? No. Alright, let me start again. So maybe, if I tell this story, it will help us come to a mutual understanding. When I hear something that causes my tuning fork to rattle, I stop. I've gotten into the habit of stopping. Lesson. And I just kind of let be. Often in Zazen, I'll find myself thinking about it. And I think about it, and [...] I get bored with thinking about it.

[46:46]

And eventually it settles. And I find this calms, settles, almost as if it all empties out, and then out of nowhere something pops up that makes sense. And so I'm excited, my tuning fork starts to vibrate nicely, harmoniously. Now, I'll get up off my cushion and I'll take that teaching into this realm of causes and conditions and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

[47:56]

And often there's a lesson there. And I go back and everything starts over again. Thank you for your offering. I have two questions, but I don't know if I have enough time for both of them.

[49:17]

I have two questions, but I'm not sure I have enough time for both of them. So the first question was, what is the point of understanding the teachings if a fiat remains dirty after it is being used? What is the point of understanding the teachings if people don't take care of the fiat and return it as clean or cleaner than they received it? Well, one point would be to notice that the teaching of returning things to where you got them, in as good a condition as you received them, is not being followed.

[50:19]

And then that juxtaposition between the teaching and the activity can be used as something for discussion. Like? Did you intend to leave the car like that? Or, if it's myself, Do you feel good about not cleaning the car after you use it? Do you feel good about receiving it, getting it dirty, and giving it to someone else? Do you feel good about that? So the point of the teaching is like, it's a conversation piece. It doesn't mean that there's not times when the conversation isn't like, how does this apply to that teaching? But without the teaching, we wouldn't be able to talk to ourselves about, do you feel good about what you just did? Or, according with the way you want to live?

[51:23]

Or you could ask someone else that. So teaching is very useful for us to remember. It helps us remember the way we want to live, even though we get off track sometimes. I don't use the teachings to beat myself up. I want to use them as an opportunity to become intimate, to realize intimacy. How's that for you? Good. And then the second question is, you know, I've sat through a number of your classes and Dharma talks, and I feel like I've very rarely encountered confession. There's a lot of inquisition and intellectualization and questioning, but there's very few confessions. And I was just wondering what the role, like how would you, how are you supposed to incorporate confessions in your practice?

[52:29]

And where does humility in practice fall? It has been said that the origin of Dzogchen was confession, private confession. So in the ancient times, they had like rehab confession ceremonies every morning, right? And then once, twice a month now, we have formal confession and repentance. That's one place. But another place for the formal is... In ancient times people actually would mention specifics when they had those ceremonies. They would mention specific shortcomings in that practice to the whole group. We haven't been doing that for a long time. But Doksan is an opportunity to practice confession on particular points. And people do come to Doksan And I would say maybe 10% of the time, maybe 20, people say, I have a confession.

[53:38]

And it's witnessed, and this is the practice right there. But we haven't been doing so much. But sometimes people do, in this venue, they do make confessions. But not so much, maybe. But percentage occur in private. Some people, yeah, in the early days, I don't know why, but they did it this other way of mentioning specificities. Also, if someone, if you observed someone not clean the fiat, that the bimonthly ceremony, if they didn't confess that they didn't clean it, It was all right for you to tell. I'd like to mention on so-and-so did not clean the fiat. They would tell on each other in public. They were not supposed to do it in public.

[54:43]

If you're going to talk about somebody else's, do it in public. And then they would discuss how to deal with that. So in the case of not cleaning the fiat, people might say, well, let's have the person clean the fiat. you know, and the Subaru. That will be the consequences that the community might say. But we haven't been doing that yet. But I kind of did that. I kind of sang. I see somebody didn't clean the Fiat, so please clean the Fiat. And also now I've been asked to say, please clean the Subaru. And clean, what's the Honda called? Yeah, clean the fit. And clean the white van. I'm not saying clean my car. I'm doing that one. But I think we should exercise this wonderful practice of confession.

[55:49]

We should really exercise it wholeheartedly. I'm not saying more. I'm just saying wholeheartedly. do it as medicine for practice. And humility? I think we become humble when we notice our own, like, when I notice how my own shortcomings, I think that makes me... doesn't make me perfectly humble, because then, you know, that would be kind of... then I would have nothing to... It's hard to get to complete humility. But I think when I notice my shortcomings, it makes me a little bit more humble. And again, in Samantabhadra's practices, number three, number four, are shortcomings before the Buddhas, and number five is to see the virtues of others. we can see others' virtues more.

[56:52]

We can see how good other people are more when we see our shortcomings. So it does make us more humble. Some people do not notice their shortcomings. Some people think they have enough, including that they're not arrogant. And they think other people are really, like, below average. But if they would notice their own more, they would see that most people including myself. Okay? Yes, you may. When I was at Sumiyoshi, they had a practice. It was a monastery in Japan. Louder, please, may I? When she was at a monastery in Japan, they had a practice. If you drop something, it's like it falls on the floor. then you must go and make an offering at the altar.

[57:58]

And my, I think it was my chopsticks fell. Very embarrassing. And so I had to make this, I think they gave me enough so that if you want to put, you know, it's wrapped in a particular way. They gave it to me so that then I could go offer it at the altar. And then the next day, I did it again. And it fell in. So it happened to my students. You can imagine, it's extremely embarrassing. So offering again. And then there was a morning choson, a morning tea with the abbot. it's announced at that meeting who has made these what do you call it not problems but broken new rules or transgressions and I think it might

[59:17]

I think I was exempted from that. But the Japanese monks, they did that kind of thing. And there were other, I can't think of the word, but when you break the rule, transgressions. So transgressions were announced at the morning meeting. It was extremely difficult, so... But it's very humbling. But it's all empty. I mean, it's just, you know, these people who want it. You can bring this thing together. And a little echo is a definition of sanity that I heard. It's having the resource to not humiliate others. We have sincere conversation and address problems in a way that doesn't humiliate.

[60:27]

That's like sanity. It's not the opposite of insanity, it's a great virtue. I feel like that goes on here. Can I ask a question about people dropping things? Just let me go up to the altar and bow with them. Is that the same thing? You know, earlier in Zen Center's history, the drop item would go up to the... closer to the altar, would burn some incense, put the item over the incense, and bring it back to the person. I think the idea is to recognize this as a purifying practice. Now we've abbreviated it to just going to bow to the altar, but not bring it up to the incense.

[61:31]

Can you say it again? I don't know. In time or to protect the person from abuse. We're not purifying the item, we're purifying the transgression. Yeah, purifying the transgression, right. Yes. I have a clarifying question in my head. If you have dropped a chopstick and you're supposed to go make an offering, but you're sitting there with your complete karaoke set right out in front of you, how do you get up? The offering is made later. Not at that time. Yes, please. Please come up. If you want to say something, please come up here. The other day I shared a story about my first raksu and my impulse receiving the precepts.

[63:01]

And the first thought that came into my conscious mind with that story was, I want to offer this as a confession. And what came up next to that was the possibility of shame. and making a confession in such a public space. And so I told the story in a way that actually, I think, allowed me to get to the heart of it, but without revealing so directly what I was confessing, which was my judgment about my action as being call it less than wholesome or less than the most desirable motivation. I wanted a thing, and I didn't recognize what I saw in the thing, but I had a judgment about wanting the thing rather than some pure motive to receive the precepts, which I didn't have, and perhaps I still don't have.

[64:15]

And I think the issue of shame is problematic in confessing, because what comes up with it is the desire to be seen in a certain way, perhaps as I idealize myself, rather than as a sometimes flawed human being. But I totally agree with the intimate sphere. It's more easy to reveal that to one person than it is in the assembly. And I think one motivation for the revelation is to realize intimacy. By revealing and disclosing our lack of faith and practice before the Buddhas, is a way to realize that we're intimate with Buddhas. It's a leap of faith.

[65:22]

It's a leap of faith, or it could just be a step of faith. You can leap, but you can also just step into revelation. But there probably is some faith, and that's why it's maybe good to find someone that you feel with compassion. Because if they witness you with arrogance or impatience, you might stop revealing, which would really be unfortunate. It would be nice if people revealed and disclosed and felt, that was really good, I want to do that more. And I've heard that great bodhisattvas do this a lot. They don't... Their confessions and repentance are received in such a way that they don't continue this practice. Because the practice of confession and repentance is considered to be the primary way of protecting beings.

[66:30]

Confessing mind protects beings. Beings... How does that work? People can see that I'm aware of my shortcomings. So they're less afraid of them. But if I'm being unkind and they don't seem to be aware of it, it's really... So there's some very powerful people who are not aware of their shortcomings, so they're super dangerous. The powerful people who are aware of their shortcomings, that awareness protects beings from that power. It doesn't mean... ...will ever occur, but it protects. It allows a chance to say, I'm sorry, what can I do to help you now that I've done this unkindness?

[67:34]

It seems to in institutions, and particularly in religious institutions, when people rise to a certain level of power, they stop having anyone that they confess to. And then there's usually a problem that comes out of that. People rise in power and the level of accountability goes down. And then when that happens, then we have conspiracy theories. So there's a lot of people in power who nobody knows. So then people are making theories about what's going on, because they need to know. So, revealing and disclosing our shortcomings is really, well, it's making us accountable. We're offering our accounting of ourselves.

[68:39]

Maybe then people, like I said in the ceremony the other night, these people who receive these precepts want you to call them into question. Everything I do is questionable. So I want people that they can question me in order to protect beings from harm. Me holding you to accountability brings up so much of my own ancient twisted karma about authority and how I see myself in relation to someone who has authority that it's intimidating. Yeah, so... I would actually suggest, rather than hold me, that you just call me.

[69:48]

Call me into account. call me into question. So I'm saying that to you, and you're saying that you have, that it's even intimidating. So I hear that, and I'll keep saying it, and you'll maybe keep feeling some trepidation. But even people who in a more authoritative position to me, I still might feel some trepidation to call them into question. So when I call people into question, I usually, I'm not necessarily afraid, but I really want to do it that's respectful and gentle. And not just because they have authority, but because they can get hurt, and people in authority can get hurt too.

[70:52]

So if we're not careful when we call people into question, that usually is not a good idea. Not being careful is usually not a good idea. Especially in this way of trying to become more intimate by asking a question. If we want the question to reach them, it's nice to put it, you know, carefully and get them ready for it. Many times when people come to see me, when they want to call me into question, they often say, may I ask you a question? May I give you feedback? And that helps me get ready for this, this question, this feedback. And when they ask me, usually I do okay. If they give it to me without no warning, it might be a big shock. But if they tell me, I'd be kind of, calm down, open up, here it comes.

[71:58]

And I'm in a situation often when I can do that. If people want to give me feedback when I'm serving soup at the buffet in the dining room, I often say, well, now's not a good time. Could we wait until I'm done getting my food and go sit down some? And they might just be asking about, not so much feedback on it, but just a question. It's not a good time. But thanks for asking rather than just starting to talk to me while I'm pouring the soup. But then ask him while he's pouring soup. It'll be, you know, very safe. But not really. Not really. It's better to find a situation where we can calmly deal with this communication. Thank you. I think you're next.

[73:09]

Was there somebody over there? So we have somebody over there? And Drew? And who? And Linda? And Catherine? And Tracy? Wow. Oh, and Ruben, and... Okay, Amanda. I guess I'd like to just kind of return to the mind that you were speaking about earlier.

[74:14]

You want to suggest something? If you couldn't stand here and talk this way, I don't think you could. No. Well, maybe if you stand here and talk in that direction, we'll all be able to hear you. I guess I wanted to return from my own direction about the mind that you were speaking about earlier in your talk. I was kind of surprised and curious when an image of the wind bell, when, what is your name?

[75:24]

Chris. Chris was talking about the tuning fork and the resonation of the tuning fork. And I guess what came into consciousness for me was the image and the way that the wind bell receives the winds from all various directions. And I guess what was flowing out of that was kind of the nature, the non-oppositional nature, the relationship between the wind bell and the wind. And I guess this non-oppositional, I guess I was thinking of Zazen Shin and how this quality of facing objects, but not objects came up. And I guess in terms of our practice and my own practice,

[76:30]

I was noticing how challenging it is for me at times to kind of be like the windmill and to allow the thoughts to come and go and to receive them in this non-oppositional way. And I was thinking, during this intensive, there was a time when there were lots of storms and lots of wind. And I was having this memory in my body of, oh, like open-hearted, like I was willing to be open and allow those winds and not oppose those winds. And just to welcome, there was just kind of like this opening that I was able to... open these winds that like there was no opposing these winds you know there was they were just big winds and so it was kind of like I guess setting down everything and just allowing that uh allowing being just letting yourself be like well at the wind valleys and um I guess

[77:43]

I'm curious because I'm thinking of that moment as kind of like a learning opportunity to steady non-opposition, you know, like when this comes and I know so, wow. the way that that's possible, having that experience is then possible to also now I notice the way I'm not, or the way I do oppose thoughts and things that come, experiences that come that I'm facing but not, but oppose in some way, like not fully welcoming. And I guess with the wind ballot, you know, just this feeling of setting down agendas or other kinds of habits like grasping and things like that that possibly allows

[79:22]

to come forth. It allows an appropriate response. The wind belt doesn't have an agenda, so it can respond appropriately. It has gravity and it's hanging And so when the wind touches it, it can respond appropriately. And its response is, yeah, is appropriate. When the wind's soft, the wind does sound as soft. Strong wind does Sound is strong. And actually, if the wind's too strong, the wind belt doesn't make any sound at all. It just gets blown to the ground. That's its appropriate response. But it has to let go of any agenda, and it does.

[80:39]

And one of the fortunate things about this practice period is we had a number of things like that that we had a chance to let go of our agenda and see if we could welcome it. Rain. Lots of rain. Maybe too much rain. Power outages. COVID restrictions. All these things. I think we got a good chance to let go of our agendas Thank you. Pardon me?

[81:53]

I think so. Is that you? Let's see if you can speak loudly enough for people to hear you. I have a confession. Does that work?

[82:57]

You know, it's hard to talk when the heart is beating so fast and so hard. Hard to talk when the heart is beating fast? Yes. Okay. Okay. So the confession. Yesterday morning, I woke up to the wake-up bell, and was feeling awake, but then just didn't come to Zazen. And I only came in time for service. And when there was a question that was posed inside of why, there was no answer. And there wasn't actually a reason why.

[83:58]

It just didn't come. And the talk that you gave yesterday of having no control and the control being Not something that we ourselves are... that my myself, I am not controlling. There seems to be some sort of release of... a release in me of... trying to explain why I why I do things why I take certain actions or why thoughts turn into certain actions.

[85:06]

Another This is something that I just didn't quite know how to say. I just didn't know how to bring this together as something that makes sense to relay this mind and what's going on inside of it in a way that makes sense to anyone or to myself right now. But I did want to say that yesterday morning I didn't come to satsang, and I don't know why, and I feel weird about it. You feel what? I feel weird about it. You feel weird about it? I feel awkward and I feel embarrassed. You feel awkward and embarrassed about not coming? About not coming and not coming. Supporting others who are here, not supporting the practice, just not coming and... Well, I think what you're doing now, I think does support.

[86:12]

And I think also it supports realization of how you reach support in other situations. To confess when you feel like you're not acting in a supportive way. discover the supportive way you are living. Another confession that I wanted to make, and I've been meaning to make it for a long time, I found that I haven't been in observation of all of the thoughts that arise while I'm working in the kitchen, especially when I was in the role of Phuketan, especially when I was in the role of just being in the kitchen.

[87:39]

I would say and do things that were sort of trying, were grasping, were trying to control others' actions, trying to control the kitchen, and really it was unkind. It was unkind and it was It was aggressive. And today, it completely resonated with how I was feeling it was violent. And and I know that It caused a lot of people to feel hurt or anger or guilt or shame.

[88:47]

And I saw very clearly that I hurt these other people. Not just a few days later, but like a week later, a week and a half later, I was seeing how they were unkind towards me and closed. Whenever I walked past them, they were closed. And that time, that experience, that time in the kitchen has been for me And so I'm confessing that I have not been kind.

[89:56]

What about the remorse? Embarrassment. What about the sorrow? Is there sorrow? Yes. That's the third factor, sorrow. And this practice will bring you to maturity. But it's a hard practice. but it's part of maturing. I would actually, it would be easy for me to appreciate all the other offerings that could be made now.

[91:17]

However, there's a little event coming up called Noon Service. At noon, right? That's why we call it Noon Service. So simple-minded. Anyway, so I think we, if it's all right, could we conclude today? And maybe on your questions, I used to write down my questions. They're precious, so please write them down and bring them up some other time. Maybe tomorrow, if they're appropriate. But it's good to write them down, and they're wonderful gifts. Thank you. May our blessing be with us and to every being and place where truth may follow us.

[92:16]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_88.29