I always feel a little funny being amidst all you competent people and talking about Buddhism. And often I feel I'm talking about things that you've already know or discovered yourself. But at the same time I know that the things I try to talk about or do talk about are things that have been developed in my own practice, of course. But there are things I've chosen also, I mean, from the long history of Buddhism. And almost any practice we pick or... look at has itself evolved over a very long time.

[01:23]

Sometimes early in Buddhism, sometimes later in Buddhism. And sometimes transformed a number of times in how it's understood and practiced. Yeah, and usually, although sometimes the transformation is rooted in a philosophical way of looking at things, Usually it's rooted in, you know, in practice. Yeah, so I feel that what we're doing here in Dharma Sangha and in the West, too, is continuing the evolution of particular practices and teachings.

[02:33]

Okay. So why not we go... Counterclockwise, Andreas clockwise. Since he had the courage to sit in the first seat. Okay. What you translate after. Okay. Um... So I got closer during that time.

[03:49]

This time you mean? Yeah, to living with the breath and the tension in my body and what that could mean. Let's have a round of applause. So I do know all those practices, but this is very different from what I do at home, and doing it here with the schedule and all that makes a huge difference. And I really noticed that. Yeah.

[04:50]

People often ask me how to develop a daily practice. And while it is the case that during the first five years I practiced, I probably, I don't think I missed sitting one day. Maybe I was pretty desperate or pretty intent. But on the whole, my decision to maintain a daily practice is you. I've arranged my life so I don't have any choice.

[05:57]

Everywhere I go, they ring the wake-up bell. I know I'm not a very good practitioner. So I've enlisted all of your help. Okay. Perhaps the most important for me this week was this image that we carry ourselves to these things. This image is very helpful for me to work with it to try to refrain from that.

[07:00]

And then I am always surprised And then sometimes I think like, Roshi always speaks about the same thing. And then at the same time it's always so different to speak about the same thing. And the interesting thing is that the same thing I just don't get going to practice it. And there I'm always in the midst of this, that it's always different and it's actually the same and I just don't do it or grasp it or something like that.

[08:37]

Yeah, same's for me. I mean, occasionally somebody sent me a lecture I'd given in Ireland and Who knows when? 1985 or something. And they've been editing it off and on. Michael Fitzgerald. And Paddy Wally. And he calls me up every now and then and says, you know, how are you, blah, blah, blah. So he sent me a copy of this lecture. And so I looked at it and it's about the same. It's about the same. But what I notice is I look at it and I understand it so much.

[09:44]

It sounds the same, but I understand it much better than I did. And I've been reading the Genjo Koan since... Well, I don't know, 1961 or two. And it's only in the last, I don't know, six months or so that this particular phrase, to convey how we convey ourselves to things, the window of it, the power of it, only recently struck me. And when I really saw it as to cultivate and authenticate is when I really saw the power of it. So I try to actually have every talk different than any I've ever given before.

[10:56]

And for me, if I don't say something in each talk that I've never said before, I feel uncomfortable. And maybe I can really do that best at Crestone, because we're all together for so many months. But in the end, I still have to speak about what we're all working on. And that is often the same thing. As you point out. She's very polite. You know, you don't blow your nose in front of others.

[11:58]

Yes. Thank you. Thank you very much. So this image of the lived body and the discussion about language yesterday, That one to a certain degree has a speaking body but also a listening body so that this big part of this lived body has shown itself in the interaction between people.

[13:11]

It's true. That's my major point for this week, I guess. Yes. So yesterday I thought that somehow a kind of door was pushed open. So I want to be with this subject for like maybe three or four weeks. I know the topic, yes, I am also a body therapist, but I often have questions that are in one area, that go beyond the body. I am a body therapist and so I do often have experiences that go beyond body work.

[14:26]

So for me alone it's difficult to believe those experiences or take them seriously. And that's why I want to continue with the subject and also in interaction with you all. Yeah, that's true. I mean, often the... If you really... Have the courage to look at yourself. And to notice the nature and implications of your experience. They often go, they don't fit into our view of what a human being is or what our culture says a human being is, etc.

[15:44]

And practice can give us the confidence... to stay with such an experience. And also not jump to some theory or new age theory of what it's about. And what happens to me is I devaluate it or degrade it as some kind of new age thing. Yeah, yeah. I understand. So if we can just stay with it, see what it actually... I sometimes call the new age, newage.

[16:49]

Okay. Yeah. I'm torn between two attitudes. The first one is before having kind of established a continuity in breathing or having a stable attention on breathing, you know, it's not worth practicing something else or playing around with other people. The other one is that I'm just struck or moved by things you say.

[17:49]

And this time, since January, I'm working or trying to work also with yourself to see that things appear. And when... Since I did it to her, she's now doing it to me. And one part of it that came out this time, one aspect of this, is to develop a sense of wonderment, and to see, in the sense of wonderment, see the limits, the difference of my usual, habitual way of perception. And the territory I have most difficulties with is the territory of language. That means to be aware of where the limits of the perception of the news are while I'm speaking. Language seems to have, for me, it's not that I choose words, so okay, a little bit.

[18:57]

And if I'm very strongly angry in an experience, that experience forms the wording. But at the same time, language seems to have its own structure that creeps in, and I find myself in the flow. I'm not witnessing that. the children of words, but you can just look at the book better. And one day there is a way to be deeper anchored in the own experience, or a way to witness, while speaking, that sense of what... Engelstein once said, and I tried that too, To feel speaking also as an act of breathing, that is, to feel it as a breathing outcome, to feel the vibration also.

[20:04]

Yeah. Deutsch, bitte. Yes, I am torn between two attitudes, one of which is that before I have a continuity in my breathing or a stability in my breathing, it is more a game to try out other factors. It is like a fruit tree. The other side or attitude is that I am always afraid of it and I have to say to Roshi that I have a resonance. And since January, I have also been trying to work with the sentence that things arise, to put it that way. And in this seminar, it was the aspect of the self-awareness and the insight into one's own limitedness or the awareness of one's own perception, one's own way of perceiving things. And the area that is most important to me is that of speaking.

[21:09]

That is, there is a sense for the special, the bunyan, to go beyond the ordinary while I speak. Because on the one hand, when I am deeply anchored in an experience, But I can't somehow convey the meaning of my words. It's as if language is a kind of language in which I can't find myself. And now I asked Rosche if there is any practice, even during speaking, to engage in this kind of thinking. Well, your image of being sort of under the flow of language and seeing the language suggests that you already have the ability to some extent

[22:10]

to be present while your language is forming itself. Or probably the image wouldn't have occurred to you. And, you know, the most that I... really what I can present or teach or show is... is potentially realizable intentions. Potentially realizable intentions. So I'm trying to speak about... certain intentions and speak about them in a way that they're realizable. And I know from my own experience that they are. But the realization of them is up to you. I mean, I can't do that for you.

[23:18]

But I think also you can take, you can trust, usually you can trust what comes up as something you'd like to practice. And so you said that you feel until you can really be present thoroughly with your breath, these other practices, etc., you know. But I think you can have actually as many parallel practices as you want. Or perhaps parallel intentions. And then among the parallel intentions, it depends on your own kind of person you are.

[24:40]

Among the parallel intentions, it's good to take one or so and really practice it. And often you find that the other parallel intentions begin to break. Yeah, like you braid your hair. Or begin to mature each other. Can you teach them? Yes, five years ago when I sat on the pillow and sat there with the sentence, just now is enough, I didn't know how the wisdom sentences work, I just trusted them.

[25:46]

Five years ago when I sat down on the Zafu with the wisdom phrase, now is enough, I did not know how these phrases worked. I just trust they do. I also didn't know which direction it would take me and I just trusted it. For me it was very helpful to see now how they work those wisdom phrases. You mean from this seminar, the way I spoke about them? Yes. And then Roshi said yesterday or the day before yesterday that we should or could practise or practise the sutras and all that in case of doubt. And so yesterday or so Roshi said that we should practice and take the sutras and things into doubt.

[27:00]

And then I notice a resistance in me because I know how I feel when I am in doubt. Okay, so that kind of creates a kind of resistance in me because I do know how I feel when I doubt things. So for me, I'd much rather or could I continue practicing with questions than with doubt. And maybe, Roshi, can you tell us what deeper sense is it that one should doubt things? Well, first of all, it seems to me your questioning is pretty much the same as doubting.

[28:16]

You question what this means, what something means. But to doubt just means you know this world is more complex than our versions of it, our descriptions of it. Somewhere I've never traveled, it might be Croatia. If you call up the... Travel agents say, please, suddenly, somewhere I've never traveled. You get one of those last minute tickets. So what does a sentence in a koan or any sentence mean?

[29:18]

Yeah, it means something in the context. And the context is large and mysterious. So if, as Sukhirashi says, said, this that our thinking mind limits reality. So the various descriptions of reality we should doubt and doubt And doubt them, not in the context that there's something behind them that is true.

[30:35]

But doubt them in the sense that there may be no fixed truth anywhere. So we have to each keep making our truth here. Look out there for some kind of truth that's going to be revealed behind the veil of circumstances. Which I feel that view is a subterfuge to avoid practice. A subterfuge means a deception. And by the way, if it's appropriate, while anybody wants to say something about this form of the practice week and...

[31:56]

Someone said to me today, we like to please you. The other day he said, I don't want, I mean, if you don't want to please me, it's okay. And I'd like to know, I'm not just you, Isabella, but I'd like to know, you know, how this form works. Should we have more zazen or was the afternoon off a good idea? So forth. Okay, well, on the other hand, if that is appropriate, I would like you to say something about this form of this practice week. Someone said recently, we always want to please you, and I don't mean that, you don't have to please me. And you can just say if you want to say more or what you want to change. And it's not because you're on it now that we have to talk about it first, Isabella. Isabella? Yes, two things come to mind. If I listen to you for a long time, the world around me changes completely.

[33:05]

And so it was this time too, that the distinction between inside and outside no longer exists, that I realize it's all inside, it's all my perception. And I find that very shocking. This time I was pretty scared again, that everything I perceive here, that I am that. So always when I listen to you for a while, then things change for me. And this happened again this time, that I did realize that there is no border or separation between inside and outside. I do really... See that all I perceive is me, is my perception. And this was very, shook me up very much this time. to try something when you tell it, how you walk in front of the mat in the broadcast, that you don't know which step your foot takes, that you let your body walk.

[34:34]

I try that too, the way you tell it. I imagine a bit like Alice in Wonderland. The world is just beautiful there. So this Yohanneshof is such a protected place, so I really can try out things, just like you said when you were in front of them. mad at service, and you just let your body do things, and you don't know where to go, and I do try out those things, and I really feel somehow like Alice in Wonderland, and everything is so much more beautiful, and I do know when I go out from Yonah Nesuv, that I probably won't be able to reproduce this, even though I do know that this is reality. Okay. Okay. Yes, but I also want to trust my body more.

[35:36]

But what I did learn this week that I can trust myself and my body much more. I can trust my body that it knows those things. I don't always interject my mind or my thinking for it. It's not necessary. But I'm very grateful for this experience that I can make this experience here. I would not know where else I could make such an experience. Well, I'm very glad we have you, Hanislav. Although sometimes when I look out in the garden, I do see a little rabbit with a watch. A rabbit with a watch. That's from Alice in Wonderland. I have to hurry up, it's time, I have to hurry up, it's time.

[36:41]

And I see Otmar, he goes with a big, get back in there. Stay out of sight. Stay out of sight. Yeah, I often feel, I use the word bridge and basis. I feel my body is a basis and a bridge. To remind myself. Saskia? I think so. I'm, of course, always accompanied by doubts and ask myself, what the heck am I doing here?

[37:42]

Me too. So I just do things. I just go somewhere and do it. So like when I first sat on the pillow, I thought, great, that's the right thing. So when Roshin was in Novor, I really had a bodily feeling that I want to go there. It's not a mind thing. I just really am drawn there. And this week I got some kind of permission that I can go with such a feeling. Just to feel and be guided through this.

[38:53]

I'm very happy that through practice and Sangha and Dharma I am able to experience that the moment just opens itself like that. What also becomes clearer, a topic, is that, okay, throw away the concepts, look at the moment, and then I sit there and read the text, and these are probably all men. So, At the same time, you know, it's meant you throw all the concepts out and you're just in this very moment, right?

[40:29]

And then I hold this text in front of me and I feel it's written by men or from a man. And then I open this book on Dogen and in the introduction it says, you know, his mom was sold as a concubine. Dogen's mother was sold as a concubine? Yeah. I thought she was dead, but... So it says that now I really need to take some breath after that. Yeah. So this is also a concept, being a woman, you know, and maybe for 1,200 years it was held upright and here I'm in maybe second generation and I should let go of this concept. So what do I do with this injury and depression? Is this a concept, is this an education?

[41:29]

But I also have a physical feeling for the mothers. So is that just a concept, all these hurts and degradations and all they had to go through, and it is, I just have a real bodily feeling for all these mothers. So I sit on the pillow and try to say, yes, I should let go and try to find my peace somehow.

[42:30]

Do you have any kind of hint what I should do with it? I have a concept. So I have this kind of concept that I apologize to them, what happened to them, but maybe that's not enough because I'm just a woman. Just a woman? Yeah, Dogen's family is a little murky, but he seems to have been from the imperial family. And his mother must have come from some sort of similar background. But in any end, his first enlightenment and first deep decision to practice was sitting beside his mother's body, watching the twin plumes of incense smoke go up in the air.

[43:57]

And he felt he was following his mother's wishes to become a monk and practice. You know, we just had a conversation about this with Kaz in Creston. That there's these kind of, some women practitioners try to create a lineage of women practitioners that we can chant. But it's not actually honest. It's sort of like Russian-Soviet revisionist history. I think you're right.

[45:18]

There's a clear lineage of mothers leading up to us. But Buddhism is developed in male-dominated societies. And now is our chance to change it. You know, I was really struck by it when the Star Wars first came out. You know, George Lucas lived in the neighborhood and his wife used to come to... lectures, Sukhirashi's lectures, my lectures. And who's the little Zen master type in it? Yoda. Yoda is partly based on Sukhirashi. So he's never lifted an automobile out of the mud. I never saw her this way.

[46:31]

The size. So, you know, we all went to the movie. And my daughter afterwards, Sally, I don't know how old she was at the time, maybe 14, she's now 43. I said, how did you like the movie? Because we all had a good time at it. She said, all these men and that wimpy princess. And I suddenly thought, from a woman's point of view, if I'd grown up, and you go to movie after movie, and it's men doing everything, and there's some wimpy princess. How terrible this is. And I just immediately realize how primitive our culture is.

[47:45]

Our civilization. But I have three daughters. So I have a vested interest here. And I think it's up to us to change it now. Our civilization, our society, our culture is developing enough that we can begin to have something more realistic as a cultural milieu. We have a break in the translation. Sorry, I have to say it again. Anyway, we have a more sophisticated, realistic cultural milieu now. And powerful women have been important in my life, and women teachers have been important in my life.

[49:02]

And if I don't have some good women disciples, which I do, I will be very disappointed. Failed teacher. So my feeling is, let's do it. This century belongs to women. And this practice belongs to women. And the aim of every Zen teacher is to become grandmotherly. And I'm not there yet. Yes, Alexander. Well, this practice week for me and I will leave with a feeling of... Well, I feel relocated in my practice.

[50:06]

That has to do, I came here in a rather difficult situation in my life. And I've been in difficult situations in my life before. and I have been a Zen practitioner at that time, or I considered myself to be a Zen practitioner at that time before. But I try to, now looking back, I would say that I try to solve the problems, to resolve the crises I went in, Although I was sitting on my cushion more or less regularly, my approach to my life was sort of logical and discursive thinking.

[51:21]

I tried to bring ethical standards or moral standards Your behavior? Yeah, and to the questions that arose in my life. I came here in a very difficult life situation. I was already in a difficult situation before. I saw myself as a very complicated person. I sat on my pillow more or less regularly. But looking back, I would say that my approach, the difficulty in my life, And all this has to do with This has to do with non-interfering, which is to me pretty much the same as to let things come forward.

[52:40]

And practising... and trying not to convey the self to things. This phrase I understand, I have different, or new, or deeper, or I don't know what this phrase is. Well, I found out that although I was trying not to do it, I am still conveying myself, my own two things to the people here. In relationships, I convey myself. I don't relate. And I'm really trying hard, like I said with this phrase, already connected, like the knots just get to me, already connected by it. And although I thought I was already pretty good in connecting to others this way,

[53:49]

I can see that I convey myself to others, not only to the brass, or the Buddha in the garden, or the rabbit. Yeah, and I found the faith, or I got new faith to practice to try to disrupt or to go through the crisis I am in right now from a Zen approach, trying not to condemn myself to persons, to the persons in my life, within the relationships, and to take the time that it needs and not to go back to cultural concepts like I think it's boring.

[55:03]

I don't know where I started in it. In any case, it somehow has to do with... to bring it to the thing, so I tried not to ... not to intervene, to observe the mind, that was the question I worked on, and now I understand it in a new way, because I noticed that I have brought myself not only to things, but also to the people in my life, or in relationships, although I thought I could do that quite well, that I have not always moved into relationships with other people, but that it is somehow also self-reliant, that I have brought myself to the things, that is, to the persons. And that gives me this, let's say, knowledge, gives me the confidence that this time I might be able to get through the crisis in which I am right now.

[56:10]

without looking at more ethical concepts or cultural values, i.e. the conventional way to find a rational access to my crisis, but rather with a Zen approach to this practice, not to try to bring myself into things, to bring people into my life, Thank you. I hope your situation resolves itself as well as possible. Okay, let's take Atmar as the middle and maybe take a ten-minute break. Afterwards I'll try not to talk as much so we can go more quickly. Okay. Can you ride two horses at once?

[57:28]

He says, no, I've never seen anybody do that. I saw somebody once in a Sashin sit with pillows, every day more pillows. Finally he had a pillow under each wrist. Do you remember this guy? He came from Switzerland to the first machine, the Rabia Lab. He had pillows like that. It looked dangerous if he fell off them, didn't it? You know, one of Wittgenstein's famous, I think, famous remarks is when discussing, can you make a true statement?

[58:39]

He says, we can say with considerable certainty that there's a chair in this room and not a hippopotamus. In this room we can say with some certainty there's no chairs So you see, you have to doubt the meaning of language. I found this outside. I think it belongs to one of you. Yeah, to doubt the meaning of words or to find the limit of words and to feel the limit, that was your topic and also what came up in our small discussion group.

[59:54]

What I had to add for myself is that I also have to doubt the words I use, especially when I when I express understanding to myself and when I use words to express that to myself or to others. And then there is this phrase, not knowing is nearest, and also the phrase that goes on in the same court, Phrase like that should cover everything on the whole world. And this is also how the meaning of words and how I have to draw to my own words and how I should feel the, how I limit and grasp this using words. And that makes this repetition so useful and necessary to always go back at the same time.

[60:55]

This was helpful in this cinema. Yes, we had in the small group this question that they doubt the meaning of the words and also to recognize the limits of the use of the word. And what is important to me is that I also have to doubt it for myself when I put a form of understanding into words and explain it to myself with the help of words. And then I have to my own explanations, which I make for myself or for others, to doubt again, and then such a sentence helps again, such as, you know me the next time. This helps again to doubt this meaning itself and to repeat it again and again, and the need to repeat it again and again,

[62:03]

OK, thanks. Lone? I feel that I'm lazy and I just did this this weekend. I allowed that to myself. Not this weekend, but sitting here today, now, I wanted to practice this. You're practicing laziness right now. And it looks like I normally need a lot of concentration to find my own in a round.

[63:15]

And yet to listen again in between and to let others do it. It is also really exhausting. Usually it takes a lot of exertion of my part or effort to find what I want to say and at the same time listen and get inspired by what other people say. So if I'd be lazy, I just could have now three or four things I could just say by attaching to something to somebody said before. What do you mean? So Roshi told me that I'm always leaning against something and that's true.

[64:19]

I didn't say that. I said your jacket says that. And he said that before. And I know that you'd like me to sit freely and I'd like to lean against something. I do go to training now and I get stronger. But I noticed that it also has something to do with tenderness. But I also noticed that this has something to do with tenderness. I'm feeling tender to this as well. And strangely enough, I'm doing this as an associative for Stomme, as one theme that I'm taking in, which is also the doubt.

[65:24]

I'm just doing kind of associations and one subject that stuck to me was the doubt. And it was very beautiful when Roshi said that doubt is necessary and it was like a very beautiful invitation for me. And I have two pictures of the doubt, one of the doubts that I am more afraid of, as Judita said, I find it quite terrible, this doubt, I have a picture of a small wind hose, which then turns more and more around itself and then turns into a tornado at some point and tears everything in from the side and everything is also broken. One image of the doubt is this kind of more scary one that Judita mentioned that is it starts like this little twist in the air and then it just gets bigger and bigger and it turns it into a tornado and the tornado just sucks in everything and destroys things.

[66:39]

And that's a kind of nihilistic feeling. So with words now, I start thinking of doubting words, but it feels more to me like that maybe words aren't so limiting, but thoughts are very limiting. And I had this image that words can have wings like a butterfly and can fly anywhere. Okay, so now how I understand doubt a little bit more is that it's like this other image, like, you know, this percussion rattle thing.

[67:41]

A rattle? Yeah, a percussion instrument, yeah. That is very beautiful. Yeah. Sometimes the dancing, sometimes the instrument, and you can... Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think you're feeling lazy, a little bit like I was yesterday, sitting in nearly the same place. I think my first contact with Zen was the title of Shunryu Suzuki's book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. And in the last couple of days I was sitting over there in the dark with my beginner's body and the first half of it the legs hurt like hell, the second half the back hurt like hell. And I thought, if this is my new Zen body, it's a lot of mixed blessing, it's absorbed. But, on a more serious note, what I learned is that, compared to some notions that are still carried around the back of my head about some kind of

[68:53]

having to transcend the body, go beyond the body, leave the body, stuff like that, sort of a yogic aesthetic view. I came to appreciate this kind of bodily work and bodily perception and bodily functioning as a very integral part of the whole thing. The second thing was probably this feeling that I always felt like I had to search somewhere far beyond the horizon or something like that. In reality, it seems to be that it's rather, as it was in this poem, too close to touch, not so far. I think it's a bit too late. Yes, it's good. What I said is that my first contact with the Zen was the article by the priest of Shonryō-sansoku, Suzuki, Zen-geist, beginner-geist. And I sat there with my pretty beginner body, which hurt at all possible points.

[69:54]

And I always thought that with this beginner body, the Zen-body, it feels like a mixed pleasure. But the two main lessons from the whole thing were that I realized that when I carry my child around with me, you have to touch the body in some way, or leave the body, or distance yourself from the body, or something like that. And that's where the feeling of having a significant instrument and tool on the body was introduced. That's what it's all about. And so the second lesson is also a picture of who we are, that we are looking for what we are looking for, that the vision is very far away, that there is a secret horizon behind it, which we can perhaps reach after long, long marches. And that's what it seems to me now. Yes, thank you. The horizon starts here and the sky starts here. Thank you for the beautiful seminar.

[71:20]

I was sick. It fit very well with the topic. I am sorry for the others. But for me, So for me this was a very beautiful seminar and it's partly because I was sick and I apologize to other people about it but it made this subject much more accessible to me. So usually for me things are sparkly on the surface and I have lots of contact and the moods are also moving or they're kind of not moods but they're kind of feelings maybe.

[72:22]

like climbing stairs for example or always having to worry about being able to breathe freely. So usually I'm much connected to the outer world and it's easy for me. This time it required such an effort just to go upstairs and to just be able to have some kind of free breathing that I was much more concentrated. And I was more focused and I was more inside and I was more in an inner space. And in between I thought, how sad it is that I don't really have the contact. And then I somehow noticed that I was so deep down... I have to... No, not now.

[73:41]

No, not now. That deep down I move and the feet of the whole person are so round and it's hard and there I am outside. So then I saw how the feet... Sofia, this doesn't work. I cannot translate when you talk to me at the same time. You can go outside and do what you want, or you're in here and you don't do what you want, okay? And I saw all the feet moving around. That's wrong. Through this bodily heaviness. I was kind of flowing around the feet of the other people. How was it? Beautiful.

[74:44]

And at that place I had my contact. So I get them more healthy and more lively, and it's difficult to keep this type of concentration alive. But maybe a different one is going to come. Yeah. I understand, thanks. I actually always find it quite... I don't go out of my way to be sick, but I always find it quite useful and interesting to be sick. But if any of you have mumps, is that what we need? Do we need it? Yes, Sophia needs it. No, anyway. No, it's okay.

[75:46]

First I'd like to say that I appreciate it this week, especially the daily structure. However, I asked myself yesterday evening... Could I imagine to continue to do this for maybe one month, two months, three months? And I realized that I had to give up some things. So first I had to go out of my planning mood. So that was interesting. for myself to realize that, rather to go crazy, to give something up, to stay in that kind of daily structure. For me, the week was very nice, especially the daily log. Nevertheless, I asked myself, could I do something like this for a long time, for one, two, three months?

[76:52]

I have to realize that I would probably have to separate myself from many things, especially to get out of the planning mode a little bit to be able to continue like this. some concepts and ideas, for example the paratactic pause helped me to express things better that are really there to give the other, but also me, the possibility to to say something what is really there to find the right words, expressing myself better. Okay, good. Yeah, if we had a schedule like this at Creston, for instance.

[77:58]

Yeah, people would have a much harder time to stay and some would leave. To create a situation where you can really get out of your usual circumstances, the schedule has to be more radical. And being in such a remote mountain place helps a lot. That's why I don't think three-month practice periods would work here. There's too much cars in the nearby village and so forth. Perhaps if we someday buy the... Nearby farm. And Robert and Birgit told us yesterday or a few days ago, in 10 years we're going to sell the whole farm and implying we could buy it.

[79:11]

And I said, in 10 years I'll be 80. I'm not sure I'm going to buy the next door farm when I'm 80. Okay. Okay. Still a very rich week. My question is, How am I able to combine my practice body with my other bodies?

[80:18]

Meaning society, psychological, male body. Yesterday afternoon There was an experimental group for the men, two men. There was laughter kind of jokes by men. Coming from a male society, being in a male tradition religiously. What are we doing right now? Through being a practice body, not for male, female, political, or whatever it's called.

[81:32]

how to respond in this very moment. Here I'm able to hold it, to incubate it and to speak it out now for my practice body. And I'm very glad for that. I know, again, my other bodies are much stronger. How can I keep the practice body as ground as the perspective with the others? My heart just beat so hard.

[82:45]

I was busy this week. How can I interact with my practice body and my other body in a psychological and social way? an experimental group was formed out of four women and two men. There was a little laughter and the saying of men.

[83:57]

From a male society coming from a more male How can I in this moment get out of my praxis body? How can we create praxis and react? Here it was possible for me to perceive to digest and now to speak out. I am very grateful, fortunately, for this opportunity here in the Akasom. I feel that my practical body holds the other body. When I am in Zurich,

[84:58]

I know from experience that the other bodies are stronger. It is more difficult to live as a practical body. Well, I don't think your question, how can we continue this practice body, really needs an answer. Because it's so implicit in everything we're doing. At the same time. if you know it's possible, if you know it's possible to maintain, to continue to live the practice body, and if you want to, and especially if you need to, you'll find a way.

[86:10]

Melissa? Sofia, can you be a little bit quieter, please? Just by moving things, it's okay. It's okay. What you're doing, we'd like you to be here, a little quieter. Thank you. Show us how you can be quiet. Yes. For me, this long and short week is over. For me this long and also short week has come to an end now. I arrived in a different state.

[87:12]

And I noticed it was difficult. to maintain the same state here. I've always heard about gossip about the Sangha and I came here and I didn't want to hear anything about it because I know that any place has a lot of gossip. So it felt like as if I was only interested in maintaining this kind of state and nothing else.

[88:51]

I kept to myself. Okay. But I feel you were more present in this seminar than you've been in anyone so far. Claudia? So it feels to me like that this inner body I was directed to came back or came alive and that I'm now like can follow this kind of needle of the compass that's directing towards this more again mm-hmm mm-hmm

[90:22]

I feel and the intention [...] und die Absicht spüre und die Absicht spüre [...] und the intention to feel and the intention

[91:45]

Thank you that Marie-Louise can translate for me and do it with me.

[92:16]

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