Anyone had any suggestions about directions you'd like us to go in? And a few of you had such suggestions, and so I ask again, since there's more persons here today, if you have any suggestions. Don't depend on me. Verlasst euch nicht ab mich. Oh dear. And honey, the way back there.

[01:04]

But you're responsible partly for this configuration, you know. She came to Johanneshof, got us all to sit on the floor, including me, and everyone liked it. So I'll start with something. And I want to start also partly overlapping where we left off last year. But what I'm hoping for this year and always hoped for, but now I'm trying to make it more explicit.

[02:18]

As we can make this a more explicitly mutual seminar. I mean I've said often that for me it's mutual it's something happens when I'm with you and I make an explicit effort to establish in my own feeling, a field of mind in which I include each of you and all of you.

[03:20]

And strangely, I would say that that field of mind, which I don't think about, makes me connected with you, that's my experience, more than anything else I could do. So I guess I'm implying that One of the things we can do is wonder about, is that really possible? And could we each establish such a field of mind? And take it for granted.

[04:29]

I mean, it's just a normal way of beingness in the world. Okay, now... what I was going to start with, which I now start again with, Dogen said, good old Dogen, he gave us something to do. He said, everything that comes forth, from the study of the way, is the true human body.

[05:32]

Now all these koans and teachings and sutras and Dogen's writing assume close reading and close consequential reading. Now, close reading, of course, in your own language means to be sensitive to the tone and the rhyme and rhythm and so forth. But in any language, close reading means to read slowly. Yeah, close reading is, you know, a lot about current French philosophy and so forth.

[06:51]

But it's totally assumed in Buddhism from the beginning. Writing is written assuming close reading. So it means you read again slowly. And in a yoga culture, breathing the words. Breathing not only establishes a pace of the words. Breathing not only establishes But links locates the words in your own body.

[08:05]

Breathing the words embodies the words. And it's assumed that Breathing the words links you with the breath of the writer. So through the written word, you're breathing with the author. And breath and mind are a shared intimate occasion. So it's again assumed that breathing with your text breathes you into the mind to some degree of the author.

[09:33]

Man geht davon aus, dass man, wenn man mit dem Atem, den Text mit dem Atem atmet, dass man mit dem And that's why the early texts and sutras and Nagarjuna and all are written often in verse form. And in Chinese writing, All Chinese writing is assumed to be a kind of poetry. So again, close reading assumed by Dogen, for example, again. is that you're reading slowly, you're breathing within the reading,

[10:50]

And you're, um, and, um, one. Imagine the words. You're an association, as I say, and horse. You're an association. Yeah, I'll speak a little better. There will be what I mean by vertical and vertical. Oh, since none of you are aware that I don't understand one of you horizontally, I will tell you the difference. And I will share from the poet the poem of that isle. And I will tell you from Rumi's poem, which I have read recently.

[12:07]

Long, long have I not been on that ancient earth. Long. Lange. In. Alte. Tür geklopft. It means. Of course for a long time. For a long time. Ich habe immer. Halt. Spannung. Weg an diese Tür geklopft. Weg an die Tür. Vertically. It means as many. With longing. I. With long. Knocked on that. Steck. Ancient door. Steck. And knock the door open, right? So I've just knocked the door open. So the word knock, the word in knock. The feeling is I'm walking.

[13:13]

And of course, all the garbage at home is obvious. And of course, the rest of us is there, of course, because we are there. Doors have sides. That's clearly to be false. Clearly. This is the essence of the poem. It belongs to us. All have a lot on that lot. Ancient on that lot. I found I was not in the inside. Well, it'll simply imply words, but you have to read it with some space.

[14:39]

We don't know space. We have to give a close reading. It is that it's a consequential reading. And in a sense, You're open to the consequences of what this... what... say to you mean to you. Everything. Everything. open to I don't think it's too strong the terror the terror and

[15:45]

What formational possibilities of a text? What of a text bust? What of a text bust? It's okay. Once I do, it's okay. Um, it's okay. If you are not into terror and trauma, transformational out to out chemistry of a text you're not reading it expect you to Now we've all had experiences of reading something and it changes the way we think. Or it might change the way we feel.

[17:13]

Or if you're being white, you're going to fall asleep. Sometimes you'll fall asleep. It's a sentence which could change things. And you can wake up and start reading again and get the same point. It's like that. So, it's so easy to... It's not a text consequence. It's not easy to read a text so that it can have a consequence. And often, the... in... in this in this how easy it is to have

[18:17]

I would say that Dogen assumes a deconstructive critique. Dogen assumes a deconstructive critique. In other words, you're open to the consequences. But you're also open to redoubting the text in your own experience. For example, don't let the sutra you who turn the sutras. Even means of prayer reels different.

[19:37]

I've mentioned this. Mentioned occasionally, so some of you know once. There is a Suzuki Roshi's Tefuka in Japan. I think eight sided. Put it like this. Put it like a movie. I think it's this, but it was pretty big. Yeah. Yeah, and then father. Yeah, and then... Yeah, and then holding turned. And the whole building could only be turned. So it was a building for sutras, which you could turn.

[20:51]

This is carrying embodiment to that meaning. So I'm offering you the consequent statement of Dogen's. Everything which comes before From the study of everything that happens through the study of the way, is the real human body. This is a totally far out statement. I don't know.

[21:58]

We can read it simply. When you discover that the body feels truer to you, it feels true. It says everything. But he says something prominent. He speaks of the human body. The human body. The human body. I'm sort of the worst. How can you be against the word mind? But anyway, I'm sort of the worst. Because, um, because, because, we in, in, in, wrongly, intuitively, in my opinion, We associate the spirit with something that is not.

[23:33]

And certainly when you clip fingernails, you don't feel you're clipping your fingernails. But when we talk in yoga, it's really wonderful. The manifestation of body. In buddhism we can't speak. Then we speak. And this subtle manifestation is the body. So fasting in these days we have together the fasting and living. Bodyfulness is worship. Bodyfulness is worship.

[24:46]

Alright. The usual banfulness. So, you know, we have rules kind of laboratory. It is a rule of, of, of duality. Yes. Mm-hmm. And we can, for these days, try to heal the body. These days, we can try to heal the body. We can try to heal the body. Now, I think that means that a true human body is not a true genetically given body. A given body is not a true genetically given body.

[25:49]

Now, our genes are smart. You were all functioning with DNA. fascia system is taking such a risk Yeah, again, this is unbelievable. It all works. So often, and for a relatively recent period of time, we can measure and see. But put this... But the sages of Budapest.

[26:59]

But the white sages. Yeah. The sages from the sage age. The sage. [...] I think that's a taste in touch of the world. Dogen. Dogen. Dogen. You have the two humans. So two humans are two human smarties. But your pets can your orangutan something take a shirt.

[28:09]

Nor could they harvest cotton. Nor could they create an apparel industry with the international apparel industry and keep all the stores supplied. Sie könnten auch eine Kleidungsindustrie schaffen und die Welt mit Kleidung versorgen. As in the Lankavatara Sutra, we talk like a Ameisen Düsseld, and other Krabbelimpfander, and Männchen die. So they would do this, they do share a wordless wordline, and they function quite well in a wordless way.

[29:15]

I've been doing it. Okay. How? Yeah. But the something we humans do, which is different than ants and orangutans, is noticing. And one of the maybe the that the sages of Buddhism and one of these things from one of the ways of Buddhism is that you just have to suck. von unserer gibt einmal ausgehend diesen particularly diesen fundus take to create our world oder the unreal wir menschen auf andere weise ausgestattet andere welt zu schaffen and we can use the anonim to establish our true human body und stelle weisheit um nur stelle um unserem um uns

[30:29]

Usually, the first of it is an adjunct. An adjunct to your adjunct. I present the virus as an attachment to the normal way of life. Something should be included in this interview. But today, at four o'clock, Just say, hey, this is actually different. It may be different. This is kind of a challenge, Duggan's put it. willing to imagine, are each willing to imagine, that there's a possible human body that somehow we can live with our genetic human body.

[32:06]

Separate from our genetic human self is experienced the way. I will. I'll see if I can. I don't know if I can. What by I understand Dogen. I mean, understand Dogen. What I and what I believe Dogen understands about the human body does not arise from his human body. It does not arise from our genetic human body. It is insects, our genetic human body. But it arises from wisdom.

[33:17]

One through wisdom. One through wisdom. Okay. Okay. So can we give birth or explore the possibility for the birth to this true human body?

[34:17]

Can we You know, I could never... Sorry. What I'm saying right now. I could never... My own. Even if I sort of... I couldn't believe it. I don't believe such... Idiot. but for years i put myself in the teachings of buddhism But since 50 years I've been into the world of Hutzpah. I know. Hutzpah. See, the chutzpah to just say Buddhism bringing me to this point.

[35:29]

What? What? I have the courage to present the courage without showing it in the context of living. So courage alone would not help me. What is this all about? I've gotten here. Sorry. What did you just say? I can get me to this point. Yeah, yeah. And then? But 55 years of wondering what this is all about has gotten me here. Yeah. Unverfrorenheit hätte mich hergebracht. Aber 55 Jahre von fünflichem Hinterfünflichenismus schon.

[36:34]

I like to trust this. I say something I don't even know quite. Something I don't even know quite. I don't know quite what she's saying. I don't even know quite. There's a lot of trust involved here. I say something I don't know exactly what it is. She translates it. I don't know what it is. And you're there. But it's good fun. This is the truth. Okay. So I think we have a time. Okay. Thank you. If you like or feel about this configuration, whatever you do feel about it, please let me know, let us know.

[37:52]

And I hope that you feel the way we are sitting here, or not, and please feel that we or we know how you feel. And I am open to any discussion of these. Plus what I said this morning. But so far I haven't given what I said anybody an essential field definition. I mean, uh, this, uh, uh, forest. Let's go back to this statement.

[39:01]

Let's go back to this statement. [...] He doesn't say everything that comes forth from the way. He says everything that comes forth from the study of the way. Now, I would say trying to... I mean, even Lao Tzu never really defined what is meant by Tao or the way.

[40:08]

He always left it vague. Yeah, and... So there's always, because it's vague, there's always an element of discovery. Okay, but I would venture a definition for our purposes of the study of the way as being Is he having a little problem? I'm sorry. I would venture a definition of the study of the way as the establishment and investigation of the sensorium.

[41:14]

The establishment and the investigation of the sensorium. It's a kind of, from my point of view, it's science, a certain kind of science. Aristotle also started with an investigation of how our senses work. But from what I understand, he wanted to, the question he asked himself, how do the senses which perceive disparate qualities

[42:35]

Separate, disparate is separate. Disparate would mean contrasting separate qualities. How are those separate things, you smell a flower, you see its color, you have a proprioceptive feel for it, how is that put together as an object? Again, I'm not a scholar, but my impression is he was trying to put together these separate physical senses, into an object, which then becomes part of our memory.

[43:51]

We could say that Buddhism has the same interest, but does it in the opposite way. Buddhism says, here's these entities and sensorial apparitions. That's a kind of joke. Apparition is a ghost. Yeah, yeah. How can we take them apart and understand their parts? So the Vijnanas, which is the study and investigation of the sensorium,

[44:53]

The word Vishnana means something like to know the parts together. This investigation, investigation I like too as a word because it means to follow the footsteps of. This establishment and investigation of the sensorium is the practice of the way. Again, the assumption here in Buddhism is that the sensorium just isn't so genetically, passively showing us the world.

[46:27]

We establish the sensorium. And first of all, we establish it through our culture. A culture is not in Buddhism at all understood as absolute. Even though most people don't notice their culture, they only notice through their culture. I guess maybe because Buddhism has never assumed, for the most part, that we live in a given world. Established separately from us. But the world that's interdependent and all that stuff is constantly being established.

[47:56]

Okay, so if the world is constantly being established, Your culture is understood as basically an editing process. Culture decides what you notice and don't notice. As I have said for many years, it decides whether you notice separation as separating or whether you notice separation as connecting. Okay.

[48:59]

So another statement, Chandrakirti, famous Buddhist philosopher. And these are all statements I'm bringing up that were part of the seminar last year. And now I'm looking at them more experientially and so forth. So Chandrakirti said, we take as a point of departure, or maybe I can say it this way, establish a mindful feeling of the body As your point of departure.

[50:35]

As the a point of departure. Okay, now then, with a close reading, what does he mean by departure? Okay, good. So again, let me go to another statement that I made last night and from last year. I'm trying to create a picture here so we can see this. This also is a teaching, a Buddhist cultural teaching. Which is about editing and noticing the world in a different way than we usually do. A bodhisattva does not contemplate the physical body. That in itself is rather interesting.

[51:51]

Because the assumption would be in such a statement it wouldn't be made if the common assumption wasn't that statement assumes that the common assumption is we contemplate the physical body. But this teaching, this sutra says, Bodhisattva does not contemplate the physical body, but contemplates the physical body in relationship to the inner attentional body. Oh dear, now we have the true human body, we also have the inner attentional body. We have the THB and the IAB.

[52:58]

You have to translate that. You know, they say, I mean, I've been reading in recent years and often enough that I think I should do something about it. That exercising regularly on average adds five years to your life. This is not an average, I did, but anyway I've read it quite often. Assuming there's truth to that, That's an extraordinary difference, five years.

[54:10]

Yeah, I shouldn't be here, I should be out jogging right now. Yeah, okay. Well, I think that I'm not saying that this kind of practice is going to add years to your life. I'm making no promises. But it can give you a different kind of life. At least that's my experience. I afraid this little guy gets stepped on or something, but he's beginning to recover.

[55:13]

Amazing, he knows what to do. Okay. So first we're talking about establishing an inner attentional body. And investigating, establishing and investigating the sensory. Now, I'm going to express this the best I can. It won't feel adequate to me, but I'll make it as adequate as I can. I've been saying often in the last year or so repeatedly making the addition of not only bringing as I said the other night at Kaddish Gassah

[56:31]

bringing attention out of mentation into your breath. And in addition, for us more committed practitioners, bring attention out of meditation into the spine. Now, if you simply bring attention to the spine or to the breath, Your attention is capable of multiple locations, but usually primarily only one at a time.

[57:48]

So if you bring attention out of meditation, into the spine, you're not, of course, obviously, not only bringing attention into the spine, you're also bringing attention away from meditation. So you want to in this practice where we're establishing and investigating the sensorium, you want to notice the difference between how you feel when your attention is in mentation,

[59:04]

And attention is in the spine. Right now, just because I've been doing this a long time, I don't even like to say my breath, in the breathing of this speaking, is attention. Okay, if the primary, a primary object of attention here is attention, the breathing of this speaking. And I don't feel I'm thinking. How can I say anything?

[60:27]

What kind of thinking is going on? Some kind of thinking is going on. So this is the kind of thing which means to establish the sensorium, to establish how is this working, that it works. And simultaneously, there is also a tension in the length of the spine up through the head. So maybe a kind of spine mind is functioning. I'm not trying to establish answers here. Ich möchte hier gar keine Antworten finden.

[61:38]

But I'm saying, when you take things apart, so now we have tension in the breath, tension in the spine, how do we function through the parts when I'm not relating the parts? Also, wenn man die Sachen auseinander nimmt, wir haben jetzt die Aufmerksamkeit in dem... If the relationship is not occurring in my experience of thinking... Where is it occurring?

[62:39]

Okay. Now, as I often say, so you're more familiar, that it does take quite a while before attention can equally... be the entire presence of the spine? It takes a while, Tim. Before the attention can be the entire presence of the spine. It takes a while until the attention... And bringing attention to the breath.

[63:44]

And to the, what I call, the uniking of the breath, because it's a repetition which is a uniking. There's no such word, but you know. Now, if you feel breath as a repetition, that's not the same as feeling it as a uniqueness. Wenn du den Atem als eine Wiederholung empfindest, ist das nicht das Gleiche, wie wenn du ihn als unablässig etwas Einzigartiges, Hervorbringendes empfindest. So the establishment of the sensorium is also an establishment of experienced uniqueness. Also dieses Herstellen der Sinne ist auch ein Herstellen von unablässigen Einzigartigkeit.

[64:45]

Now, because maybe Buddhism doesn't assume things will fit together, it emphasizes really in detail noticing the parts. With a kind of trust or belief that attention itself helps integrate the parts. Now, again, since we have a world view where there are no entities, everything is an activity, And everything is a relationship then as an activity.

[65:57]

An interrelationship and as I say interemergence. Then it's not that you're just bringing Quantity A, attention, to quantity B, breath. Because you're bringing attended to attention, let's call it AA. Attended. Attended to attention. Yeah, so attitude. So that's AA, not just A. And now you're bringing it to B, breath. So now you have not A or AA, but you have ABV or AB. Because A, which is part of breath, is not the same A which is part of mental attention.

[67:19]

So when you bring attention to the breath, you're turning attention into breathable attention. in an exactly parallel way, when you bring attention to the spine, it's not the same attention As in the breath, it's now spinable, I don't know what, spinable, spinable attention. Now you can see this practice requires a sensitivity of noticing that most of us don't develop that sensitivity. We'll bring this kind of attention, if you happen to have a scientific or mathematical bent, we'll bring this kind of attention to physics or to biology or to mathematics.

[68:41]

Also wenn du eine naturwissenschaftliche Neigung hast, dann bringen wir die gewöhnlicherweise auf unsere wissenschaftliche Studie. And we'll bring it to the machines that study the mind. But we don't usually bring it through ourselves into ourselves. Aber allgemein bringen wir es nicht durch uns selbst in uns hinein. So part of the establishment of the sensorium would be to, in this case, the way I'm presenting it now, would be to notice how the our attention to the spine affects the whole body.

[69:49]

And how it affects the whole body? A kind of affectivity. Affect? An activity, which is an affectivity. Yeah, that's it. An activity, which is an affectivity. It's really, can you use like normal words? I can understand. Oh, dear. Yes. Thanks. Okay. Part of why I do this is for us to know that words only point, they don't describe. Okay. So, the bodhisattva is establishing an inner attentional body.

[71:17]

And that's done, we can almost say, quite mechanically. Bring attention to the spine. And you'll discover it takes some years before your spine really opens up. And you don't give up. You don't say, geez, I understood the concept that quickly. Why don't I understand the experience that quickly? It doesn't happen that way. It requires incubation and hibernation. Incubation is you put it into your system and let it function. And hibernation is you think you've forgotten about it, but it's still working.

[72:28]

Yeah, so you establish an inner attentional body And I would suggest that when you, you know, you have to, again, find a mechanical way to do this. Like you have to find a mechanical way to exercise, remind yourself to exercise. Rebody yourself to exercise. So waking up in the morning is always a good starting point. So you don't get up right away until you have gathered your attentional body. So you feel, you get so you can feel when the inner attentional body is more or less coming together.

[73:38]

And then you're going to get up and you're going to look at things and do things. You got bigger. No. I'm talking about alchemy. It just happened. I don't want to keep... I made a mistake by lifting this up. He's stuck. No, no, he's going to come out. He's going to come out? Okay. We live here in the woods, you know, we have all this... There. Okay. What do you suppose he thinks he's doing? Or she thinks he's doing? She's gone to the art director. She seems to like Buddha's robe.

[74:56]

I usually open my eyes. And it's an actual, you know, intention. Okay, open my eyes. And then whatever object is there in front of me, I spend three or four breaths just as if only the object and the experience, only the experience of the object existed. And this is like Chandrakirti is taking the point of departure the mindful experience of the body.

[76:11]

So then from each next step is a next step. I don't feel again, doing this a long time, that it's a given container world. And I trust some non-conceptual integrative process That establishes the succession of what I notice.

[77:18]

What I notice and sometimes an I is notice noticing. I'm almost done, I'm sorry. You trust what? I trust what appears. as establishing the world at this moment. Not with the feeling the world existed before I started establishing it. And I said, I established the world And to make that more accurate, I noticed that noticing the world sometimes establishes an eye, an agency. So the process of simply waking up, and I'm going through it, you know, rather, it happens like that, but I'm going through it in rather blueprint form,

[78:42]

Also natürlich vollzieht sich das so schnell, aber ich gehe jetzt dahin durch, als sei das wie ein Bauplan. And if you get used to doing this, looking at each of the parts and noticing your own looking at each of the parts as the world establishes itself, also wenn dir das vertraut wird, dieses Anschauen der einzelnen Teile, Eventually, you just feel you're in an interactive world that you're participating in. So, can we go back to Dogen's statement? So establishing is not the same as creating?

[79:48]

No, you create and then you establish. Okay, so when you establish the world, you create it and then you put it together and that's establishing? Well, if I can create this bell, but I establish its use, let's say, by giving it a cushion and a stand and a stick to hit it with. So to establish to establish its I think now you see I'm at the point now where I think to try to go into this in some detail

[80:56]

Even making distinctions like there's a difference between attention arising with the breath and attention arising with the spine. is for many of us probably a little bit too new to accept all at once. And then when I add ten more distinctions, Because I know most of us and me too can only handle one or two new things at a time. All of the new things may be easy to understand but But if each one challenges everything else we know, we have to take some incremental steps to absorb them.

[82:27]

So at some point I feel I've simply talked too much. And And I've gone past what we can discover in our experience. Now I can go a heck of a lot farther with you guys and gals. Guys means the same to me, by the way. than I could have 20 years ago when we met. But still... Okay, anybody want to help me say something?

[83:28]

Yes, Christina. Yes. Recently I'm very interested in Zazen posture. To discover what happens when one is in Zazen posture. What's important to me right now is the participation or being close to how the body unfolds itself into the Zazen posture.

[84:29]

I would call it now, because this is a term now in the air, attention. But at the time I didn't And I noticed that the zazen posture sort of happens by itself. I noticed that in myself something just in minuscule details is taking it on.

[85:34]

It's like a kind of directionality within the body. So yes, it's not something that I can do. Yes, I do sit down, but then it's something that I can't determine. This is just participating in which I can trust myself, or in which I can put the trust. So it's both that which I trust in and that what is happening. Even Suzuki Roshi once said to me, you know, and from my point of view, he'd been doing this all his life, you know, from childhood. He suddenly took me aside one day or found an opportunity to say to me something like, don't you think it takes about 20 minutes

[86:40]

before the body really starts to sit. And he meant something like, for the first 20 minutes, the body, the conceptual body, what you conceive of as your body starts to disappear and a new kind of body takes over. And I can remember when he said that to me, I thought, gee, I thought when he sat down instantaneously it was in Samadhi land. And I thought, gee, I thought when he sat down instantaneously it was in Samadhi land. So then I began noticing, is it for me 10 minutes or 20 minutes or 20 days?

[87:58]

And you'll notice the things I'm suggesting by which we establish and investigate our sensorium, You need more, you need verbs or something? You said you'll notice. You will notice, yeah. That we're not adding we're adding more of the same, not something different. So we're creating a true human body in contrast to a genetic human body, basically by adding attention. But adding attention in particular categories that have been developed through wisdom.

[89:19]

So it's a maybe truer human body. Because we're not adding any beliefs or anything like that. We're just adding intensity and density of attention. Okay, Christina, you were going to say something? Yes, I saw you when I first stopped. Oh, that's all right, okay. It is true. Okay, anyone else? Yes. that maybe you give us too much information over time, which we can't work with.

[90:22]

And I observed what I wrote down and found that there is an incredible openness in me. So I'm thinking about your statement that you might give us to talk too much that we cannot practice or process. And then I look at what I've written down and I see that such an immense openness in me. and some new curiosity. And when I read this, I think I need many years to deal with this. And I am interested or excited to figure out where my priorities will fall to or go to.

[91:42]

For me, There is one marvelous sentence in there, which makes us see that breath is a unique thing. And that, for me, is the essence of this morning's conversation. Okay. Sorry, that was very short. I mean, look, I've been doing this for a long time, obviously, right? It's taken me all these years to think of the word uniquely. And nobody noticed.

[93:00]

I was running to the forest shouting, unique, eureka, unique. I was so excited. Eureka. [...] Also let me point out that the statements I'm bringing you are not particularly about Zaza. Now what I'm speaking about is how you intentionally transform your daily experience into the way. You were gonna say something, Nico?

[94:00]

What you said makes a question that I have clear to me. And zwar ich beobachte in letzter Zeit, achte ich darauf, von wo aus ich beobachte. Recently, I'm watching or observing from where or what vantage I am observing. And ich bedeutet dabei eigentlich ein Gefühl von Verortung einfach. And I, in this case, is a feeling of localization. Localization. Verortung. Localization. Verortung. This morning I heard three distinctions. in relationship to the physical body.

[95:28]

And then you also said, You said contemplate or observe your physical body from within an attentional body. In relationship to an inner attentional body. You said both of those. Okay, I probably did. Those three really interest me. Which dynamic in relationship to the body makes a huge difference for me? Are you asking or just bringing up?

[96:47]

Just bringing up. Okay. Peter? Yeah. Similar topic, I think. For me, it's the experience of the physical body. So I have access to it through the attention on the breath, attention on the spine, attention on all metabolic rhythms. And then I can very well settle into this physical body. And then it's a real shift, a shift into that what previously I would have called mind.

[97:49]

where now the term the true human body is a very good and helpful term but it is really a shift It's a shift out of the physical body into a completely new body. The physical body is still here. Physical body is still here. So it's an appearance, like all the other appearances with all signals. There are also these other bodies that appear, the human I'm just meeting.

[99:05]

Would you humor me? Would you humor me? Would you please me by doing something? Yeah, humor me. Form a donut. And discuss anything you want. We have 45 minutes or so. Is lunch at 1.15 or 1? 1. Okay, so we have 40 minutes. But what I'm bringing up is can you imagine Waking up in the morning with the feeling that you can establish the body in which you'll know the world.

[100:22]

Of course, through your habits and culture, you're already doing that. But can you imagine taking as a kind of challenge the possibility of Not establishing a body based on who you've been. But establishing a body based on who you could be. Yeah, okay. I'm out of here. I'll go upstairs, so I don't even... I'll be peering through the... Why don't you stay here and translate? Okay, she'll translate simultaneously.

[101:37]

Might be good to stretch a little and sit back down. A double circle. Just what we can do. Just give me a second. So you're all picked in here. What? In here. Start with this one. What's that?

[103:07]

Sabine brought her in here last night, she was in great pain. that a 15-year-old son of a friend of mine died last week. And that's just present and she saw it yesterday evening. there were some of you who were not there and I just wanted to address that. And I wanted to tell you something about what it has to do with what Roger just said. There was a period of practice, that is three months in 2013, and in this period of practice I received a message where sent a friend to me that her teenage son started suicide.

[105:20]

He was 17 and he had a muscular disease that led to him simply being in a process where he could walk less and less and he was briefly born that he would have had to use a new chair and he just didn't want to go into a wheelchair. And I was in this practice period and that hit me completely. Simply also as a mother, because I have children myself, who are exactly the same age. And then it was just, it was fully present in this process that we have in the group. To feel the pain of this mother, my own fear as a mother that something like this could happen to me. To feel my children, who are far away, where the fear that they could do something like that.

[106:27]

And I was just a few seats away from him, what can happen to you. And that's what I felt, what it does to me, this very close journey, as a possibility, what you can experience in this world. And I felt like it had hit me at some point, so I just walked around like wounded. And then I asked myself, what am I going to do with it now? What am I doing now? Do I sit down on my legs? And then I asked myself, what am I going to do now? And in the middle of the morning, I went to see Becker-Roschi. And I talked to him a little bit. And Becker-Roschi just took it upon himself.

[107:37]

And then he said to me, this is a strong decision of the young person. And that's the thought that came to my mind. And he said, I need a staff today. And he said, yes, that would be nice. And that's what I'm doing. So you can't take this step. And then it was, I don't know, I just heard it from him, that it would help so much. And what happened to me then was that I thought to myself, okay, I can now say this sentence to myself. and uh And this energy that is actually there, and this right thing is, I mean, this is something that we have seen in the crisis period, an idea that we have come to, or that we can understand, I have decided, I will merge this energy and set it in my solar plexus.

[109:18]

That was what I felt in that situation, what I could do. And that is for me also, now that Roshi has spoken about it, Yes. I went to see him when I was two. He was my brother at home.

[110:24]

He was my brother at home. Exactly. And I am 17 years old. And I could only process this experience. And this experience, or my brother, from the underground, because they are not here. And I would have lived that way. when she was given this gift. And when I started with her, I became more and more like she was.

[111:27]

Yes, like she was. And then I started dancing again. I know this young man, he died after his 30th birthday. But he was a patient for many years. And thus many perspectives became known to me, that I, so to speak, get the suffering of the mother again from the comparison to having a son myself.

[112:36]

I think it would be unbelievable if he were gone for a moment. And on the other hand, I had a lot of questions in retrospect. What could I have done for these people? so that this does not happen, so to speak. This has raised a lot of thoughts and questions, so to speak, and ultimately, of course, also precisely with this point that I thought, after all, he had this strength to overcome himself. So he really brought it to the point, I can see it now. Das war mir auch klar, weil ich vorhin mit ihm telefoniert habe und er mich auch angerufen hat. Also es war klar, dass er das tun könnte oder vielleicht nicht. Nein. It was very, very close and it was even so close that I thought that as a soloist I might have to say, come here, I'll give you a bed, I'll give you a room, maybe it won't happen so roughly.

[113:42]

But he was too frank for me to say something personal. Well, I still find it an incredible force that lies there when someone kills himself. I think that's almost unimaginable for me. And in comparison to death, to happen as an accident or, as I just said, that my mother died at the age of 92 when she was two years old. These are completely different stories of how death can happen. But in each of these stories there is a great deal of reference to life. And I would also like to say that Leda is talking about the inner rebelliousness of the ego and the experience of the body as a whole. That is the only thing I can think of, whether it can work as a tool afterwards, or whether I can process this experience, this powerfulness. A while ago I did an exhibition in my experimental group, where we exposed life and mud.

[114:58]

And how the two reacted to each other, was for me one of the most touching and moving scenes I've ever seen. Because they looked at each other, the stage representatives, with such love. And the stage representative of life said to death, You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And then the representative of death surrounded me and I held her and it was... It was something like that. So, this is an interesting episode.

[116:55]

We have a focus, a heart movement, and a pump in the heart, too. How do you feel about your father? I feel that he is a very important person. My power is dying.

[119:00]

My sadness is dying. My power is rising. It is so. He hasn't looked at me in the same way, because my heart has started to say a little bit more, and the caution has lost all its attention. And I've lost my mind. And I've lost my mind. And I've lost my mind. I've lost my mind. You know, I'm just lying here.

[120:09]

I don't know if you can hear me. It was a much more satisfying experience. I've lived for so long. I think it is also interesting that we get to the topic of death through the body of awareness. It's a kind of field of tension that remains very open. So now it simply comes away from... and the concept of trying to hold on or to hold on.

[121:12]

And I came here a few years ago to have an experience where this fluidity, which is inside, which is falling away, can actually lead to a very strong liberation. Now let's talk about how we have just talked about death and destruction. For me this is something paradoxical, but it is true. This mobility of escape, which is something that we can let in and do something about. This does not concern me at all, because I often have the tendency again and again to find structures that have this commonality, also in my design work.

[122:12]

And with that, of course, there is the contrast to these five boxes. Is this a field that perhaps makes it possible through the structure to become a refugee or not? There is the question. Let me answer that. As I said, I have been I don't know if it's possible for you to know. You don't know? And then I wrote to her and talked to her about the healing process.

[123:26]

This is my mother's house. We were for five years together, so it was totally different. That's... that I am somehow forced, because now I am in a situation where I can't do anything. I am the person. And that is my dedication. If so, then it should be the right thing to do. And that was clear to me. And then you forget it again, and you always forget yourself. And now and then, I would say, it's like a story unfolded. And you don't forget, but [...] you don't forget,

[125:07]

What does it do? [...] What happens when something like this happens to a soul? It's a virus. And when it's out in the world, the biggest fear is what will happen to it. But you should see the posture and the posture of the seat.

[126:55]

Because you can't sit down. This posture is very difficult, because you can't sit down. But the posture can be changed. Yes. Yes. So we need to practice

[127:56]

I'm going to start with this warm and relaxing exercise. I want to give you a big source of life support. And do as much as possible. Thank you. As you said earlier, when we wake up in the morning, we need a few breaths to open up this inner world. For me, unfortunately, it's not that easy.

[129:47]

I would like to do it, because I have a lot of sugar or something like that. A bodhisattva will never help me. But it is not always possible to do it. I don't want to talk about what happened to me, but that's the question.

[130:50]

That's great. No, I mean, when he just starts to push me through. And this inner body of attention, and thus start my days in a different way and path, which also go further than I would have done and would not have practiced. In this uniqueness that in the end, and I think that this is exactly the only thing that can help me to get away from this pain, that in the end Every breath that exists for itself is a uniqueness and the rest, in the end, is just a feeling constructed by us.

[131:50]

Of course, that doesn't mean that this pain is gone. Or that we can add a little insight into it. I still have the feeling that it is easier for me to die than to accept the fact that one of my children is dying. Fortunately, I have not experienced such a bad thing yet, but I also know the feeling that I feel so connected that it pulls me away from the ground and that it is very possible to build such a pillar, as you called it, in which I find an anchor.

[133:24]

and there was a situation three or four weeks ago where I could only drive to the monastery and then I sat down and noticed that I was completely in the sitting position and with breathing and spine and yet my tears flowed all the time. Maybe you know that and at the same time Also mir kam dazu gestern der Satz, ich weiß nicht, ob er stimmt, ich untersuchte es gerade, dieser Satz nicht, ich denke nicht denken, sondern ich fühle nicht fühlen. Es war irgendetwas anders mit meinem Weinen in dieser Verankerung. Yes, then I asked myself whether it was at all, as we often quote, and was freed from all suffering, whether I wanted it at all.

[134:34]

I think it is the original motivation for me, to be free from suffering. But then I realized, just to be able to be there, that there is suffering, and that we should live from suffering, or live in a world of suffering, just to be able to be there, that maybe that's enough. Sometimes it's really the feeling that there is a portion of pain, also from what my patients tell me, which I can't digest now. And just sitting makes it somehow digestible, or makes it a small lump, or makes it somehow assimilable to me.

[135:34]

oder wird aufgefangen von etwas mehr in uns, was heil ist, oder unverwundbar vielleicht auch. Manchmal gelingt es und manchmal dauert es lange. Ja. You went to the monastery. This woman asked first, or she asked herself the question, what can be achieved now, or what will be done in this situation?

[137:06]

I have a situation, a positive one, which has been going on for a year now. A book is being published, And where one day, as we were sitting on the beach, a woman suddenly called for help, where we thought first of all to take her away with us. And then I found out that the daughter had anchored her, so that she could be anchored. And we asked ourselves, what do we do in this situation? We drove to the boat with friends and tried to make contact with the parents, but we never saw them.

[138:08]

the instrument that seems to be available to us, was simply just to be. And in this listening, the accusation of being guilty of death appeared to both of us. And both of them, for themselves, made one attempt to live with this passion. What we were able to do was to unite the two Susannas so that they could carry the suffering together. There is nothing more we can do. And that was one side of the problem. The other side of the problem, which I would like to show you from the outside, Wir waren dort auf Urlaub und wussten nicht, wie in diesem Geschehen umzudecken und welches Recht wir auf unsere Urlaubsfreude And we have decided to organize a ritual and to celebrate the whole thing.

[139:33]

For us, also from our compassion, to express ourselves, to become aware of ourselves, but also to become aware that we also have a right to our well-being. And this is also good. And that also the people who live in this bay, who love this bay, their love for the bay, that they may benefit from it, that they may be part of it, and that the brook and the river should belong together, and that the river should also belong to one of us. For me, it was such a beautiful experience to experience life as a woman, to experience life as a child, to enjoy life as a child, to experience [...] life as a child,

[140:49]

Excuse me, but I think because the cooks are carrying our meal, we should go join them. But I would like it if we could continue like this after lunch. And usually we start at 3.30? 3.30. Okay, good. Okay. Yes. Yes.

[141:56]

I would collect, yeah. Participation is found in the video.

[142:52]

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