high school repairs twelve i guess you're getting hungry
your loan shifted
it's a second of january and this is a special day
when
some people
our
bringing their written
documents
to wish
their teacher well in the coming here and to thank their teacher for teachings last year and request their teacher to teach in the coming year
and i have a big folder full of last year's requests which i am treasured in two thousand and ten
when i look at these handwritten documents generally handwritten summer
graphically designed on computers but mostly handwritten
beautiful expressions of the deep desire
to have the buddha dharma in our life
to open our hearts to the teaching
and now again we we begin the process and
it just came up in my mind one thing came up in my mind was
the here i will one of my projects is to read not complete necessarily probably not
a rather long novel written in the early part of the last century by a french person named marcel proust
and i started to read out loud
out loud
it's actually recommended by priests scholars to read it out loud
to accept that you have to slow down
it's such a long book and you have to slow down to read it
and so reading it out loud is recommended by those
the experts in the book
and something struck me just the just the other day he he were yesterday or day before he said it's like the melancholy feeling of cleaning up after a gay party
do know that feeling it's a feeling a lot of people have
yesterday i guess
there was some they were cleaning up you know these dirty rooms full of junk
now
bottles
dirty plates cigarettes
shoes necklaces
various things laying around in disorder in a very unattractive formed somebody has to clean up but before that there was a gay party people were having a ball
with bright lights and high spirits and then there's a clean up
the party and people get tired out and not only they get tired out and go home
in various states
to rest or watch football
but somebody cleans up
when's the next party gonna be
well the funny thing is in our planning another party right away it's only january second we're starting a by getting ready to organize another gay party
a gay party of another year of joyful practice just after you know and know we just finished a year practice going to do another one now yeah that was hard that last one year i just did all that practice and i barely have time
i'm to no iron my robes and put my switches back on the shelf and now we're going to start again another year
a wholehearted devotion to the buddha way
is that possible
apparently it is
so
may our good health continue so that we can practice the boot away together so that we can
find the kind of commitment we want to make in this life
or search for it and find it an express it and be clear about it
and see who else is making commitments and what they are
and what did what their commitments have to do with our commitments or what our commitments have to do with their commitments
now the time to look at these things and try to clarify it before the year's over matter of fact even before the weeks over so we can go to work
and have this wonderful party of practice
was talking to somebody who
was having difficulty with her relationship with somebody she's married to
i wasn't the person she was married to
the
but she was having difficulty with the person she's married to
and i said what sounds to me like you really want to be intimate with this person
that you're really committed to that
but you're not sure that he is or she is
i think the first step i said
is to clarify is what his commitment is what he's committed to
and then
the big one comes is don't expect him to follow through on his commitment
as one as well i say i'm not everybody agrees with me i'm bucking the tide
on this world
i'm bugging the tide of control your partner
which is really a strong tide control your partner control yourself control your children control your parents and control your enemies
i think that's disrespectful to try to control people
the control living beings
and i don't know where living beings stop so i wish i am committed
again to another year of been devoted to beings that i can't control
like you
i can't control you i can't control your moods your intentions your commitments
however you have made great commitments many of you and are the verge of making a new set of great commitments
which i think is very beautiful and very moving and encourages me
on the path of not trying to control you into following the commitments which you're so beautifully
about to make
i do not expect you to practice the bodhisattva precepts
round who will expect you to he wants me to expect it to their public easy to find
but i predict that they'll give up on you
i however says i don't expect you to practices precepts will never give up on you

there's hardly anything i can imagine more beautiful than someone who's committed to the gay party of compassion for all beings what a lovely party how beautiful that you want to do that but i am expected you're not going to
therefore
i continued to want you to
and want to help you do what you at sometimes in the past wanted to do

huh

huh
it occurs to me that this practice
of sitting still
and standing still and walking still
and reclining still
are great opportunities for us to
look and see what the ultimate met concerned with the final concern of this life is for us today
and to see if it's clear what that is
and to see that there are some conflicting intentions swirling around the ultimate concern
i don't think the ultimate concern is even though it's radiant and warm and
inconceivably wonderful
it's not without opposition
where i should say it's not without conflict
our great compassion
lives in a world where there's sometimes his thoughts of something other than compassion
and i'm clear vinyl it may be that the clearer i get a bot
my wish to be compassionate the more clear i'm also about that there's at least one conflicting emotions
living right near by
and that conflicting emotions of course deserves
wholehearted compassion
if you don't see any conflict in your mind towards the great vows that you towards the great request that you make of the buddhas and bodhisattvas

your eyes are not yet fully open
and if you see some conflict i'm here i'm suggesting do not be discouraged by that conflict realize that you actually are
clear eyed
if you can see that
if someone says i want to do good and they see no conflict i don't think they're being realistic
i'm right here them
and
i would encourage them to keep looking at this wonderful intention

huh

so those of you have
come here today and brought documents
where you have
asked me to teach than i would not say again
try to be clearer with me about
how you wish me to function with you
and be clear with me how you not and which means be clear to me about how you wish for me to assist you in the practice that you wish to the boy yourself to in the coming year

i invite this and this makes my job not exactly easier
but more efficacious and more i'm i would be more likely to fulfill my role of assisting you if unclear about what you want me to sit your worth and how you want me to do it doesn't mean how do it the way you want me to but it helps me do it in africa
asia's way if i know which how you do i'm going to do it so and i can tell you i don't want to do it that way for example that's very helpful i think for you to know that what you're asking for i don't agree to
that will help you
get the help that you need

so now it's even
later than quarter past twelve and we may even hungrier than we were before
but still
i want a briefly say and then i'm very happy that you can hear me
and i also in value to offer any feedback that you'd like to offer it at this time in your life at this moment
darrin
christ crisis be during can you hear down
some people there can hear you could you speak up for much derek

could you hear that
no well again i have some feedback on that you do you say something to examine how fully i can practice the five few precepts
yeah so you might say hopefully can i practice non killing
if i if i say that to myself is not that i'm actually trying to figure out how fully can i practice my non killing but that i'm asking that question to to meditate on the practice of non killing
i'm not going to be able to find out how fully i can do that practice
hello is someone stabs him to say
you have a question
oh not killing young so the precept called not killing her non killing that's one of the five precepts
and as
i think the question how full they can i practice that is a good question but does not a good question in this for me is not a good question to then figure out how fully i can do it
the a distraction to try to figure out hopefully i can do it but how fully can i do it is one way to be intimate with the precept
another way to would be i want to practice
not killing i want to realize what not killing his
i want to realize the reality of not killing i want to make not killing real in my life i wonder if i'll be able to do it
or it's it's a wondrous thing this precept and i wonder if i can participate with it not i'm gonna figure it out that i say i have suggested that could distract yourself from the precept like if you're looking at somebody you know you say i wonder if i could be this person's friend
you could that could help you pay attention to him or that could distract you from him
in some ways it might be better i'm not that it might be good to say how can i help this person
i wonder how i can help this person but it might also be good to say
who is this person because i might look at them but if i say how can i help them i might look away a little bit from them
so if you can say how can i help them without getting distracted how can i practice is precept how can i practice is present fully if you can ask that question without where'd you say without with the word now without flinching without wiggling when you ask that question how can i pay
practice not killing how can i practice the five precepts
fully
and see you can ask that question without getting distracted from the five precepts when you ask it
otherwise it may be not might be good to be quiet and just look at them without saying anything
and then when you're quiet and still with them than say okay here we go hello
non killing
what are you where are you who are you
why do that
if your hand is raised i call on you
darren

so you find yourself president with for example the bodhisattva precepts of not killing you find your fritzl present with it you reminded of it when you see a violation

right

yes

yes
yeah that that kind of observation is often part of this a practicing this precept is to notice
if my foot goes over there i seem to me that there's gonna be killing of an aunt
if i stuck on an ad that looks like to meet that looks kind like killing an aunt so i would like to try to not step there actually
or sometimes people think actually i want to step and i want to kill the and
some people think that they actually want to kill ants
and some of the people who want to kill ants are people who also want to practice the precept of not killing ants
there's quite a few people like that that won't impact is not killing and an nap thoughts like i let to kill this particular thing here
and then they feel are descended some stress there are sorrow
and that's part of the practice of that's part of what leads to understanding not killing his to notice that part of you wants to realize not killing realize the reality of it and wants to not do what you think is killing and another part of he wants to do what you think is killing
this is part of the work
it's part of the the work
it's normal to have this problem
and in some ways you might say that the more you're able the more minutes and days they go by the when you pass up on opportunities to kill ants the more you pass up on that those opportunities
the more bright and subtle your mind becomes
and the more you see other opportunities to violate these precepts
which you may be also do not act on and the more you don't act on and the more you see opportunities to violate them
and in other words you become more aware
of the fragility
of the buddha mind
and the life of the buddha mind
the life of buddhist wisdom is not killing
and not killing is surrounded
by the illusion of killing
which we must face
if we wish to realize the life a buddhist wisdom which is
not to kill
life is life is
not killing
that's what life really is
so
you are committed to study their precept is right
great
any other feedback before lunch
yes sylvia
i observed that lying is cheating lying is a sort of killing and killing is a sort of line
all these precepts include the others
lying is misuse of sexuality
killing his misuse of sexuality
lying is slander killing a slander all these
but he sought from prohibited precepts include the others
killing is disparaging the trip treasure lines disparaging the triple treasure lying is being possessive
lying is
taking what's not given and so on the all resonating with each other
giving us
assistance to realize the buddha mind the buddhist wisdom
so let's consider whether we want to spend our precious life be mindful of these precepts
without expecting that will be able to do it even though we really would like to right now
how wonderful that we want to
how wonderful that we can continue to want to even though
we aren't sure if we are able to
or even though we think we're not doing it now

but that's again cleaning up after the gay party of committing to the bodhisattva precepts is afterwards is a mess to clean up and then we get to clean the mess up we can have another party oh yeah let's have another budisa piece of party now that we've cleaned up the mess after the last one
the mess being yeah the consequences of might
not complete attention not everybody at this party wash their champagne glass when they were done not everybody does party lick their plate
or watched it when they were finished some people were even smoking cigarettes and putting them out on the carpet
they said they wanted to come and be good guess but they didn't actually take care of the party place
now somebody else has to clean up after them
this is the body sought the work clean up after the mess clean up the room get it all already for another party
another commitment party
like we're having here today

any other pre lunch comments

can not kill even considered as not being
ah

yes
it could be but also could be considered as being however not killing is neither being nor non-being
non killing is reality and reality doesn't fall into being or not being
it's the reality is the middle way
free of existence and non-existence
not killing is the middle way not stealing is the middle way
not killing is inconceivable ungraspable but we can realize it but we're not going to realize it unless we want to and unless we give our lives to it
and it would do want to and we do give our lives do it we will realize it
we will realize a middle way if we give her life do it
but the middle way and the bodhisattva precepts
our free of existence and non-existence
that's the middle way for him three of those extremes
this is our our wonderful middle way
the wonderful way we really are is the middle way
we don't exclude existence we don't exclude non existence and we don't grasp either
in our middle way

in our body sought from middle way
and those who are devoted to the welfare of all beings need this middle way
in order to be devoted because if you get into existence or nonexistence you get booked out and will give up the life of compassion

one of our
precious members is gonna have it
a big operation day after tomorrow and i would like to request that you
join me in a while being ceremony for this person
which i'd like to do in a few minutes if you if you're willing
this person is wearing a blue jacket and a blue rock sioux and he smiling
now is laughing
so adapter mile he's having an operation and so we want to
wish him well
so shall we do the ceremony know
so you can just stir
stand up where you are sort of and make some room for me to get in front of the altar
and ah sensor so crowded here we can do standing mouse