This must be the first time that a seat in the front row is empty. It's like when I went to church, there were always seats in the front row empty, and my father taught me, you always go, you know, it's no problem to come late, there's always seats in the front row. So we did come late often, and we would sit in the front row. So maybe my father will show up. Or Dan or Anne, I think it's set up for Anne, but it reminds me of the unconditioned space that Dan occupies or doesn't occupy. He's listening, his ears are burning in his own room back there. Okay, I feel I don't have anything new to say. But when I tried to feel out what I want to speak about, I've noticed my own process of trying to make these teachings work somehow that Beko Roshi presents.

[01:16]

And it's been my intention in the seminar to pick out certain things and try to bring them to our attention and to discuss in a way that we feel that we can own this practice, we can own these concepts, and we can own the process of actualizing the practice. Because this is, I think, really necessary. It may sound good, what Bekha Roshi says. If it doesn't sound so good when you say it to yourself, maybe you have to find a way to speak with yourself in a way that reaches your own situation. So I'm trying to share with you how I'm trying to do something like that, and maybe it can help you too. So I'm not bringing up any new topics. I think I won't. Okay, we have this text meeting and speaking.

[02:23]

At the end of the text, I think you probably read it, Baker Rashi says, perhaps in the West the monastic field of mutual practice will be replaced by the ideal of the bodhisattva in everyday life. And I want to use that as an entry because I have been, since I encountered Buddhism and the idea of the bodhisattva, I've been really intrigued by what is this? What is this bodhisattva activity? Can it be my activity? Can it be anybody's activity? How do you actualize the bodhisattva? Okay, but first, the monastic field of mutual practice. I think we've been talking about this in terms of the practice period, that the practice period is, we could say, is the form of making real the monastic field of mutual practice.

[03:32]

And we talked about chanting in the... and the service and the chanting and the service in the seminar. I've tried to describe the chanting as what is for me a paradigmatic situation of inter-independence. But there's other such situations. Or actually, all situations are like that, but it's particularly noticeable in certain situations like the chanting. Because, you know, chanting on your own is not the same as chanting with a group. But sitting zazen on your own at home is not the same as sitting with a group. And cooking for yourself is not the same as cooking for a group. We had the cooking, you know, takes so much time and attention here.

[04:41]

It's really, I mean, when you think about the cooking, this is a routine exercise of thinking about interdependence. You know, what you cook depends on what somebody planned, what's presented to you on the menu plan, and the planning is dependent on the season. And the... uh... number of people the fluctuating number of people we seem to be shrinking and the planning is uh... and the uh... and what you cook is depending on the shopping and the shopping is dependent on our finances and accounting and how we relate to the outside world you know how we uh... interact with others so that some money is brought in and money is spent So it's just, it's interdependence everywhere you look. But it's funny, in our perception it can be like, I'm the cook.

[05:44]

Why am I always cooking? Why am I always doing the accounting? I don't know. It's just... But it's all one activity. If you take one part away, it's a different result. It's a different feeling. It's not the same. So inter-independence is like in the chanting. The way you come in with your own voice, the way you are the cook, is having the courage to appear in that role and let others appear in another role. And to know that if we're able to fully engage the role that we occupy for this moment, that helps the whole field. That's inter-independence. Inter-independence because, I don't know, it takes this courage to be yourself. It's really fascinating, I think, to just feel into that

[06:49]

moment of appearing as yourself. Do you have any hesitancy to appear as yourself? Everything is so transparent. It's so scary when you actually notice how transparent everything is. You know how transparent you are. You know, you're making up all this stuff to kind of appear in a certain way, and then actually you appear as the person who tries to appear this way. It's scary. It doesn't work, you know. So this is, this courage to appear is an interesting challenge, I think, in not just in chanting or cooking or whatever, it's just all the time.

[08:11]

To be comfortable with that, process of being the process that is yourself. Yeah, and then the teachings, you know, how do the teachings occur in the field of mutual practice? I think they occur as concepts, you know, like somebody's delivering a talk, a bunch of concepts, concept of acceptance, let's say, or the concept of unconditioned space. or all the stuff we had, the site of engagement. And then the teachings also occur as, how would you call that, as lived experience, or maybe as moments of actualization.

[09:34]

Let's say moments of actualization. So let's say we have this practice of acceptance. You can take on the turning words, yes and welcome, Becker-Rossi has suggested these. You introduce them into your process that you call yourself, and you prime yourself to say yes and accept situations as they are. I liked how Eddie described this yesterday in the seminar. It's like you think about, you know, now I'm pretty good at acceptance. I don't know if I understood correctly. This is what I understood. I'm pretty good at acceptance. And then you find that you make certain exceptions when we accept. You know, you do it 95%. Oh, you can sort of, yeah, 95%, that feels good. But those 5%, you know, that's So, for example, you get some feedback.

[10:48]

Somebody says, you know what you did, I don't really like what you did, and I think you could have done it differently. And then you say, yes, true, I could have done it differently. Okay, but if you actually feel that, if you can actually say that in that moment, although you maybe actually disagree a little bit with the feedback when you say it, that's what I would say is a moment of actualization. There's no hesitancy. You just say, yes, true, no. Okay, so then... So it's not just a concept anymore, it's not just like, oh, I'm going to try, I'm going to practice acceptance. Actually what you did in that moment is you lived acceptance for that moment. That's what I would say, that's a moment of actualization. Yeah, that's different from the concept, but that's actually the concept functioning in that moment.

[11:53]

So that you actually feel yes and you act from yes and something happens from yes that is different from justifying yourself, for example. Well, I did that because that's different. And yes, it's true, I could have done that differently. It's also, I could have done it differently, is also an actualization of unconditioned space, or unconditioned time, in the sense that you kind of know, yeah, things could be different. Could have been different. Could have been different. Could have been otherwise. to open up to that possibility, to actually open up and feel like, yeah, I could actually be a different person. There might be something in that for me, a transformative information.

[13:05]

You could have done that differently. So you have a moment of actualization that's a transformative moment because maybe the default position you're coming from is still kind of, nah, I want to be myself, you know, don't tell me how to be different. But here you kind of found this moment where it's different. A moment of actualization of the concept of acceptance, maybe even of unconditioned space or whatnot. And here you have this moment. And to have... To notice a transformative moment. To... suffer through a transformative moment, to enjoy a transformative moment, and to hold the intention to move from transformative moment to transformative moment is what I think, what I understand by incubation.

[14:19]

Because when you notice something new happened, like, I usually don't say yes. Let's say, you know, something like, you're not so, you don't, you're a little protective of your personal time, you know, that happens to people. Like, this is my free time. Somebody comes to ask my help, you don't want to really say yes. It's normal, you know. But then you find yourself maybe saying, yes, I'll help you. Even though you don't pay me, I'll help you. Now that I'm saying this, Sophie told me the other day in her, I don't know, middle school or elementary school class, there was this boy who, there was this girl who... is kind of, is a difficult girl.

[15:25]

And she was stuck with her art project. And she asked for help. She said, I'm stuck with this, I need help. And then this boy came over and said, you are mean, but I will help you. That's a transformative moment. For both, I think. You are mean, but I will help you. this is my personal time, but I will help you. And then what I find interesting in a moment like this, you kind of observe that, you know that you tend to hold back, protective of your personal time, which is okay. But then you notice the difference. I think that's the crucial thing in the dynamic of incubation as now I'm defining as going from one transformative moment to the next. Because you notice the difference, and there's some other feeling, and if the feeling is not nourishing or enjoyable, there's no encouragement for the path.

[16:38]

But it actually is that way, and so the path and the continuation of this transformative incubation is encouraged. But I don't know, it takes this sensitivity to really feel it, and it happens in such subtle ways that sometimes it escapes us, and it feels more, it's seemingly more nourishing to continue with the old pattern of being protective, or whatever. Dogen in the Genjokan says, How does he say it? When Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not necessarily know that they are Buddhas. However, they are actual Buddhas, and they go on actualizing Buddhas.

[17:41]

When Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not necessarily know that they are Buddhas. What I take from that is that this process of incubation or transformative practice, moments of actualizations that are transformative, that they don't happen necessarily in our consciousness. We don't always register with our thinking that such transformations happen. When Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they don't necessarily know that they're Buddhas. But they are actually Buddhas, and they continue to actualize Buddha. So that can happen. You know, you kind of, you know about certain patterns you have that you wish you wouldn't have. and you're giving yourself into the field of mutual practice,

[18:50]

And then you look back, you sort of, you look for your pattern and you notice, I'm not doing that anymore, really. Or 95% of the time, I'm not doing that anymore. That's pretty amazing. Sometimes you actually find, without necessarily knowing it, you find, hey, I'm actually quite different. How did that happen? I mean, how I feel about this is the field of mutual practice has done the job. It's not the self that's done the job. The mutual field of practice has done the job. I mean, can we trust that? I sometimes think, no, we can't trust it because the self has to be in control. We have to really be in control of our own transformation. But I think the teaching of Buddhism tells us the opposite, that it is the inter-independent field of mutual activity that does the job of transformation.

[19:56]

And the practice period is constructed in that way. If you're impatient, you know, good luck. The 90 days will grind away the impatience. If you don't want to be interrupted, good luck. Anyway, you can see that this, when you study it, how the schedule and the forms of how we do things kind of enforce bodhisattva activity generosity, discipline, practice, readiness to act. We talked about that yesterday in the seminar. Readiness, be there, you know, appear in the field. Okay, so enough about mutual practice.

[21:00]

In the West, this may be replaced by the bodhisattva the ideal of the bodhisattva in everyday activity hmm what is this bodhisattva ideal am I still in the time I have no time left. Well, here's what I come to, sort of, through the teachings, through Baker Roshi's kind help. The bodhisattva is... always engaged in the patterns of the world.

[22:11]

And at the same time, never loses touch with what we could call host mind, or what we've been calling host mind. The bodhisattva is always in the midst of the patterns that govern the doings of the world, and at the same time never loses touch with the host mind, which can be, which can turn into imperturbable mind, or the big verse you presented, or the teachings say that host mind can turn into imperturbable mind. So while you're engaged in the patterns of the world, there's also imperturbable mind. And that's the simultaneity of wisdom and compassion. The host mind, as Baker Rishi presented, folds away from discursive thinking.

[23:17]

Don't invite your thoughts to tea. And it also folds away from thoughts about past and futures. It folds away from the patterns that govern the world. And at the same time, the bodhisattva is always in the midst of those patterns. Can we imagine to be like that? That's, I think, what this bodhisattva ideal asks us. Can we be like that? In the midst of the world, in the patterns that govern the world, that also means your own patterns, your own psychological patterns, your patterns of protectedness, your patterns of impatience, your patterns of irritability, the patterns of other people. In the midst of those and also folding away from that.

[24:18]

And the idea is that this is what really truly helps people. others when you can be in that kind of bodhisattva mind. Because it's comforting for another person if you can join them in their patterns. If they're sad, you can be sad with them. That's comforting. But the true help is when that person in your joining them can also feel that you are not. caught in those patterns because when underneath you can feel you're not caught in those patterns the other person feels that they have the freedom to be free of those patterns as well and that is also a field of mutuality we can be that for each other

[25:22]

We don't have to actually be so special, you know, like accomplished bodhisattvas or whatever we imagine. We can actually be... We can be that for other persons, not caught in the patterns that they're caught in. And accept that they're caught in their patterns. I always have resonated with this as a real ideal, something to aspire to. It takes practice. And at the same time, it's happening all the time already. can we notice those moments where it happens and trust them as those transformative moments that unfold into a path of incubating the bodhisattva activity.

[26:36]

Of course, when we aspire to practice this bodhisattva activity outside of the monastic field of mutual practice, then we have to create the conditions for that activity ourselves. How to not be caught in the patterns that govern the world while we're living them. And I think the dynamic of that, the secret ingredient is host mind. It's not so secret, you know, we're talking about it all the time. The ingredient is the cultivation of host mind and the intention to make that host mind continuous. That mind that folds away from the patterns. And the instruction that Roshi gave is, okay, host mind is established through the simple practice of not inviting your thoughts to tea.

[27:47]

and through not engaging the past and the future. You know, I mentioned that, I think, in a seminar, that my pattern is kind of to think about the future, not so much about the past. I don't find myself thinking about the past so much. It's just not what I do. But I imagine some of you think about the past. More than the future. I don't know. I just have you know, so I have more experience with thinking about the future and You know, so in my mind there are various what pops up is ideas about What I will have accomplished in a certain time period and what I would like to have accomplished and so forth and it's um, And of course, thoughts about the future are just thoughts that occur in the present. But it's helpful to sometimes notice, oh, I have thoughts about the future or I have thoughts about the past.

[29:04]

And then you can see, you can sort of investigate a little bit why you have them or sort of a feeling for what this is about. So for me, thinking about the future is it's related to a sense of wanting to improve the situation or something, you know, and moving it forward in a way that I think is good, something like that. And when I notice I'm in a mind frame like this, because I've been studying it, I can sort of... the folding away has a very particular quality of not doing this... this planning. So I think it's helpful. I mean, you have to see for yourself, but I think it's helpful to maybe know what you're folding away from also, because then you know what you're folding into.

[30:10]

Like in my case, it's like I say with the yoga posture yesterday, if I'm entering in my yoga practice, I'm entering in this pace where I'm a little bit ahead of myself, hoping to get through these postures, It's so ridiculous to try to do that. I don't know, the mind doesn't... It's like you get through it a little bit faster than you do in your mind. That's... When I notice that, I can just fold back into this unmoving midst. And when you pick out particular situations, like, let's say, in my case, the yoga practice, or I also do it when I am sitting in the office in front of the computer... How do you fold back from this kind of pattern back into the unmoving midst where you're actually located in that particular activity? And it can get a little bit confusing, I think.

[31:16]

I don't know how you are experiencing that, but don't invite your thoughts. The tea works maybe great and zazen, but does it work in everyday activities? Does it work in your cooking? Let's take cooking again. We all have to do it once in a while, so we all share the experience. I mean, I think there's certain thinking... in the activity of cooking that is unavoidable. Like, I want to be clear about what goes into the soup first and what goes into the soup later. And that's conceptual thinking, right? Well, I'm cutting the carrots and I'm setting them aside and I know I'm going to put those in after I put in this. And I think it can be confusing when you have a practice like don't invite your thoughts to tea that it means to cultivate host mind you have to eradicate all thoughts.

[32:21]

I don't know. I mean, how do you deal with that? I'm asking you. This is an open question for me, for myself. How do you differentiate? What do you fold away from, and what do you actually need? I mean, if I'm sitting in the office and I'm writing a letter, I can't fold away from all my thinking. I mean, nothing will appear on the page. So maybe there are thoughts that are ingredients to the situation, like pots and pans are ingredients to the cooking. I can't cook without pots and pans, and I can't cook without the concept of the soup. But I can notice that because some thinking occurs— invites association and invites other thinking. And some of the thinking is a kind of distraction. So fold away from the distractions. Just to notice differences like this is to practice host mind because when you notice the differences between different types of thinking,

[33:27]

the thought guests are not taking over the house, you're still the host and you have the power to enforce your invitation list. The conceptual thoughts that are necessary ingredients of the situation are invited. And the distractions, like what this person said to me yesterday in an email that I don't know how to interpret that you can fold away from. And those conceptual thoughts that are necessary ingredients of the situation, I think are, in some ways you can see that they're not discursive thoughts per se because they don't lead to more thinking. They lead to action. They lead to putting the carrots in the soup. when you write a letter, they lead to writing the letter. They lead to establishing the relationship with the person that you're writing the letter to.

[34:38]

Those are instrumental thoughts, and they're not the same as these distractive, discursive thoughts that are about the past or the future, or, you know, whatever. Okay, I think somehow we have to get into the detail of that practice of not inviting thoughts to tea. How do you fold away from thoughts? The host mind folds away from thoughts. How do you do that?

[35:40]

I think I should stop. But I thought I maybe wanted to talk about this appearance, appearing, holding, releasing sequence that Roshi suggested. but maybe some other time, in a seminar or something. Maybe just the releasing part. I really like this, appearing, holding, releasing. It's like everything occurs in that field. Nothing appears without Everything that appears, appears against the background of a field. What appears is that which you bring in focus, and what's not in focus drops away. That's the field. And then what appears, the mind wants to hold for a moment.

[36:48]

It may be even appropriate and possess in a certain way, you know, grasp, as we say in Buddhism. And then you release it again. This grasping is not just bad, it needs to happen. This is living in the midst of the patterns that govern the world, is to accept that the mind will do this kind of holding. And the releasing is to fold away from it. How do you release? appearance objects you release it by letting them go back into the field and when When nothing comes into focus or when the field is in focus nothing really appears because everything's just you know like that everything appears together Nothing in particular So to release it To release something is to not make it go away Everything's still there.

[37:51]

It's almost like you can have a thought and release it and have it at the same time. It's not to cut it off necessarily. It's to not grasp it. It's to not hold on to it. To not let it do its thing of leading to more thinking. to release it, to know it's what appears now, but it doesn't have to be that way necessarily. Like, you know, the overall idea in Buddhism that there could be an end to suffering is you can't make certain things go away. Releasing doesn't mean to make things go away. Life and death won't go away. Pain won't go away. But to release it means we can change our relationship to it.

[38:57]

So that there's still pain, but that pain doesn't turn into suffering. That there are these patterns that we don't like in ourselves and others. And at the same time, we can practice to be the embodiment of the bodhisattva, joining and folding away at the same time. Okay. I hope it was useful to you. May our intention equally penetrate...

[39:54]

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