Hikiroshi says in Zen Maya Beginner's Rhyme, So long as you continue your practice, you are quite safe. But it is difficult to continue. We must find some way to encourage ourselves. I think we have to have a sense of humor. and kind of perseverance, along with a willingness to explore and experiment with our lives, particularly with the space of uncomfortableness. Can everybody hear me? That used to be my big problem. And willingness to explore and experiment with our lives, particularly with the space of uncomfortableness. That's an uncomfortable word to say for me. I think one way we can think about that is even in Tassajara we find some joy, I think, in exploring

[01:37]

the uncomfortable aspect of our lives. We're conditioned to avoid unpleasantness, I think, and to make things easier for ourselves. So having kerosene lamps is not as easy as putting on an electric light. This is not to speak of the schedule. I'm talking about the basic things, the use of compost toilets. I was visiting some friends in Jamesburg recently and seeing how the joy they were finding in hauling water and putting it, pumping it into a retainer tank so they would have water to use during the day, and then the care they had to use with every amount of water they used. And this is, some people would think this was uncomfortable. but they were finding some joy in this. In my last talk here, I spoke of the five fears. I had given a talk, just my first talk ever, in the city just prior to that, and remembered Baker Rushing speaking of the five fears.

[03:04]

And because I knew I was going to be in the middle of one of those five fears, I wanted to look them up and remember what they were. And I asked some people where these five fears were listed. And people said, oh, look in the numerical listing in the back of the punch. And I looked here and looked there. I looked everywhere. I couldn't find them. So people decided to probably make a wish and made them up. And Ulysses had written down the list of five fears. So I had them written down. In my last talk here I spoke of them. I'll tell you what they are. Fear of loss of livelihood, fear of loss of reputation, fear of unusual state of mind, fear of death, and fear of speaking before an assembly. Here we are again. experiencing fear of speaking before an assembly and fear of unusual states of mind simultaneously. But Miriam explained to me that she had recently been reading the Dasabhumika Sutra, naturally, and in the Dasabhumika Sutra she'd run across the five fears. And there were five fears, there was such a thing as the five fears.

[04:35]

because she brought it to me and I looked at it and let me explain. Does everybody know what the Dasa Vimukha Sutra is? The Dasa Vimukha Sutra is part of the Arhatamsaka Sutra which is the main sutra of Haryana philosophy. Anyway, dasa-bhumika means ten stages. Dasa-bhumika means ten stages to enlightenment. And Huayin philosophy is, my understanding of Huayin philosophy is that if you articulated the philosophy of Zen, it would be Huayin philosophy. That might be wrong, but that's what I understand.

[05:36]

So here's his ten stages of enlightenment, the dasa-bhūmika-sūtra. It's part of the Upatṭhāna-sākṣa-sūtra. So I'll read the dasa-bhūmika-sūtra, the small portion of it. And it illustrates the five fears. The first stage is the stage of jara. In the first stage of jara, the bodhisattva is freed from the five fears. because they are freed from the notion of self. And the Bodhisattvas apply themselves to make faith predominant and peace prevalent. I found it interesting that I would see that Mayim would give me this to read. And I've been reading about fear and trust and faith because I've been thinking about fear and trust and faith recently. Because just before I left San Francisco, I was in a meeting with some people that I sit with, Maitri, it's a group I sit with once a week, and somebody gave me this lecture

[07:03]

on Fear and the Path of Opening by Joseph Goldstein. It was a talk given at a Vipassana meditation retreat. Fear and the Path of Opening. Path of Opening, as it explains, the path of dharma is the path of opening. It is an opening and an unfolding until we can embrace the totality of ourselves, the totality of the world. What keeps us closed are very deeply conditioned fears. That's closed as opposed to opening and unfolding until we can embrace the totality of ourselves, the total reality of the world. Fear is a contraction, a resistance, a pulling back,

[08:05]

a separation, and prevents the opening to the full range of our experience. We have fear of pain, fear of being hurt, fear of insecurity, fear of death. Now this sounds like a different group of fears, but actually it seems to me that this group includes the five, and the five include this, which is quiet philosophy anyway. Quiet philosophy is inner penetration. connect. Chang Tzu said that our little fears cause anxiety and our big fears cause panic. Our practice, the practice of Dharma, is learning how to understand and relate to these fears and to learn how to work through the barriers and limitations they impose on our lives. The indispensable foundation for working with fear, the balance and understanding, is to have a very great appreciation of it. It is not an insignificant thing we are dealing with. Our minds have been powerfully conditioned in this lifetime and perhaps in countless lifetimes. It is not enough to come to some sort of intellectual understanding of our fears, of pain, of being hurt,

[09:32]

We have respect for the enormity of the condition and with that respect to approach working with fear in a very balanced way. So he speaks of the pain of fear The fear of pain, the fear of insecurity and the fear of death. We all know about the fear of pain. You know, the pain in our legs and the pain in our knees are, you know, small items. It says, working with pain is the balance of being soft and allowing and disciplined and strong at the same time. When we become willing to feel uncomfortable, it opens up a tremendous new space. Feeling speaks of the fear of insecurity,

[11:04]

which includes both physical and emotional integrity. It says that we're afraid to make mistakes. And then we have to be willing to make mistakes. Also it speaks of the fear of not being loved, liked, respected, or accepted. Now we have to learn to be soft, allowing, and open to it. The fear of death. Many of our teachers have said that we are afraid of death because we don't know what it means to live. So, I was looking earlier this afternoon through some notes I had on some talks that were given by Brother David, a Benedictine monk at Zincon. And he speaks about trusting faith and giving yourself to life. He said, we are always taking. So fear grabs and trust gives. We have to open ourselves by giving ourselves to find meaning.

[12:34]

So taking life for granted or taking for granted is ignorance, which speaks of giving yourself to life. Use this for an example. We're always taking. In our speech, we talk about taking a nap, taking a walk, taking a bath. Did you ever hear anybody say, I'm going to give myself to a bath, I'm going to give myself to a nap, I'm going to go walk? Recently, when I put a note on my George Zinssiner, after hearing Brother David's talk, I put a note saying, this son has given himself to a nap. of giving ourselves to life. He says, when you give yourself to something completely, where it takes you, that is God. Brother David's Catholic, right? And he was trying to explain to us some other way of understanding the Catholic religion.

[14:01]

that it is misunderstood because of many popularized versions of Catholicism. So he spoke of God not as a person, but that God is not a person, God is personal. So God can be understood as the source of meaning, an action center from which things flow. So the source of meaning. I want to read now the the last part of this talk on Fear and the Path of Opening. In working to open these fears of pain, insecurity, and death, we have two great friends, two allies, the qualities of trust and faith. One way of understanding how trust and faith work in the mind

[15:01]

and to consider the tradition of the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Taking refuge in the Buddha means trusting in the moment, trusting in our fundamental nature, in all the different experiences of fear and anxiety, panic or contraction. In all of those things which close us, we can take refuge in the moment. In allowing ourselves to settle back in the simplest aspects of experience, of breathing, of walking, of hearing a sound, of smelling a smell, feeling a breeze, we trust our fundamental Buddha nature in every moment. Settling back in the moment is a powerful friend in the opening process. Trusting the Dharma brings a soft surrender to the unfolding. When I was living in India for the first time, Munindra said something to me which at the time sounded somewhat platitudinous. In subsequent years, I came to a deep respect for what he meant. He told me that the Dharma protects those that protect the Dharma. As we grow more in harmony with the Dharma, with the truth, we see that surrender and commitment

[16:29]

to it is a powerful field of energy and purity that allows us to work through all those places of vulnerability and difficulty. That is what refuge in the Dharma means, is surrender to the truth. Last is trust in the Sangha. We are all a wonderful support for one another in our practice. The path of opening is very difficult. Playing on the edge of our limitations is not easy. It involves layer after layer, mask after mask. Trusting Sangha means the appreciation that we create for each other. This field of practice in which there is tremendous love, support, and practice. It's okay to go through whatever we go through. We cry, we are stupid, we do all kinds of things. and it's all okay. We allow for each other in the process. There is tremendous strength and inspiration in that acceptance. We are all taking the first faltering steps, or the second, or the tenth, and we allow ourselves to help and be helped. That's what taking refuge in the Sangha means. Coming back to trust and faith in times of difficulty, in times of being off balance,

[17:58]

is the way of settling into the path of the Bodhisattva path of freedom. In practice, it is necessary to take risks, to play the edge. Don't be afraid. Don't pull back. Be willing to experience the fear, the discomfort, and the sense of humor. The ability to laugh at oneself and yet to be preserving, to begin to break through whatever barriers appear, whatever limits are constructed, whatever the edge may be. If we can play in that place, there is a tremendous richness and vitality to the work that we are doing. I had tea with the all summer guest students recently. And one guest student, I mean the guest students who've been here most of the summer. Some of them have been here all summer. And one of the questions that was asked me was, Buddha sat in order to be enlightened. Wasn't this a gaining idea?

[19:41]

Anyway, I didn't, I wasn't, I didn't answer it very well. And so I looked up in Zen Maitreya's mind all the things on gaining idea. There are, let's see, there's in right effort, no trace and mistakes in practice, he speaks about gaining idea. And quite clearly he says, People ask what it means to practice zazen with no gaining idea. What kind of effort is necessary for that kind of practice? The answer is effort to get rid of something extra from our practice. If some extra idea comes, you should try to stop it. It should remain in pure practice. That is the point towards which our effort is directed. Also, we spoke about being proud of your practice and that pride is extra.

[20:46]

And when you make some special effort to achieve something, some excessive quality, some extra element is involved in it, you should get rid of excessive things. But still there's the question she asked was, isn't Buddha, when Buddha sat in order to get enlightened, wasn't that a game? Maybe that doesn't So, when I was reading the Dasa Bhumika Sutra, it says, in the first stage of joy, when the Bodhisattva reaches the first stage of joy, the Bodhisattvas have no notion of self, and they make their minds up to get enlightened in order to rescue all worldly people. Making your mind up to gain the light and to rescue all worldly people is not so much for gaining it, because of your emotional self. I have some more things I want to say, but I think now I'd like to ask you if you have any questions about what I've said so far, or anything you want to say, or any questions about anything you want to ask, and I can see if I can say something. What about the fifth year of light? Yeah, what about it?

[22:18]

How did, what do you mean by audience? Assembly? Assembly? I guess, I think assembly... Speaking in front of people? Yeah, I think that's what that means. What about it? Were you asking... I wasn't sure what was meant by that at the sphere. Oh. Yeah, I think about that a lot, but is that fear because, like stage fright? Could it apply to a lot of different things rather than just being in a large assembly? In the last talk I gave here, I used the expression that Bhikkhu Roshi had used recently in the talk. That was, if we can keep our minds clean and clear, that is our real treasure. How can we do it? I mean, by little we must change ourselves. Gil Quang, Jataka Sensei,

[23:44]

was Shuso Hiratasara, Shuso is head monk, for a training period. And in his Shuso ceremony at the end of the practice period, he said, he answered many questions with the expression, little by little. And at the end of the ceremony, towards the end, he said, actually there's no such thing as little by little. And Bhikkhu Rushdie, Bhikkhu Rushdie, he said, It's almost impossible to change yourself. And by little we must do it. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to return to Page Street to receive my duties as director of the building there in San Francisco, the Zen Center. Some of you have been here, uh, guest students have been here a short time. Some of you have been here all summer. Some older students have been here a long time. So, leaving's not so easy.

[25:12]

meeting friends in this special place. How to completely experience the mixed emotions of sadness and joy and then completely give yourself to some new situation. I think in each one of Zen Center's placement forums from the Special Alliance in which we work, so that we can know our larger alliance more, so that we can better understand our connectedness to everyone and everything. Anyway, I think we must develop faith and trust, overcome our fears, opening ourselves to each other as we penetrate into the Truth of our existence. I don't know anything. We must help each other. The last talk I gave, I read the last paragraph out of the talks, one of the situations talks, and I want to read it again.

[26:39]

So try not to see something in particular. Try not to achieve anything special. You already have everything in your own pure quality. If you understand this ultimate fact, there is no fear. There may be some difficulty, of course, but there is no fear. If people have difficulty without being aware of the difficulty, that is true difficulty. They may appear very confident. They may think they are making a big effort in the right direction. But without knowing it, what they do comes out of fear. Something may vanish for them. But if your effort is in the right direction, then there is no fear of losing anything. Even if it is in the wrong direction, if you are aware of that, you will not be deluded. There is nothing to lose.

[27:45]

There is only the constant pure quality of right practice. Thank you very much for being conscious with me this time.

[28:03]

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