Yesterday the subject came up about humility or humbleness and I just want to talk about that a little bit so we can clarify what I feel is the meaning of humility. I believe there's false humility and true humility. False humility is actually ego, which looks like self-effacement, but it's actually ego. Like, oh, I'm not really good enough, or I can't, you know, this is too hard for me, and I'm no good, and this kind of like, or allowing yourself to be bossed around, I kind of step and fetch it,

[01:24]

humility, which is not quite real. It's like the opposite of self-grandeur, simply the opposite of self-grandeur, but the ego involvement is the same. So bragging and raising yourself up and promoting yourself is really just the opposite of denigrating yourself. So both ways, but denigrating yourself is a kind of false humility. But true humility is letting go of ego and realizing that, letting Buddha take over or following letting Buddha lead and following, so that you really know where you are, and you know you're always in reality.

[02:44]

So it's not placing yourself too high, higher than you actually are, or lower than you actually are, but being right where you are. knowing your own mind actually is humility. So it said, what is the most important thing for a Zen student to understand? Well, your own mind. The most important thing to understand is our own mind. So in order to understand our own mind, our self-centeredness in order for that to happen. So that's humility, it's just being real, being present and being real, and letting go of delusions or illusions. What does it mean, actually,

[03:53]

investigate our own mind, know our own mind as it is. Well, the reason we do Zazen is to know our own mind as it is. Zen is called the Buddha mind school, to know our own mind as Buddha mind. So when we practice Zazen, As soon as we practice, start to sit zazen, or just before we start to sit zazen, or even when we're not sitting zazen, we let go of my practice. And it's Buddha's practice. Because Buddha's and you and Buddha are not different. Buddha and I are not different. there is a difference.

[04:56]

So it's not ego practice, it's buddha practice. So buddha sitsazen. And so in this realm, it's buddha's practice. And if we keep that in mind, then we touch that buddha mind. So often when we're sitting zazen, no matter how long we've been practicing, we still have a problem with the arising of thoughts. in our mind, and we see that as a hindrance. We can see that as a hindrance. The one who sees that as a hindrance is me. The one who doesn't see it as a hindrance is Buddha. And if we have pain in our legs, the one who suffers is me.

[06:10]

The one who lets go of suffering is Buddha. So we have this. Sometimes, you know, I remember my Tatsugami Roshi, who I was shusa with, Tatsahara, I said, Zazen is the battleground of the mind and heart. And to some extent, that's true. I think there are times when that is so, when you really feel that you're fighting or making some effort in the wrong direction. I think of the silent dramas that take place in a zendo. I remember at Sokoji, we had a really beautiful zendo in the attic, and the light during

[07:12]

the various times of day was just wonderful, and all these silent dramas that were going on with everyone sitting zazen, dealing with their buddha self and their ego self, you form a strong attachment to a zendo when you have a lot of drama going on in your practice. So, you know, if you are If you're fighting yourself in Zazen, Zazen always wins, or the fighter, that which you're fighting always wins.

[08:22]

Yeah, I can hear that better myself. I was invited recently to give a talk at an assisted living facility and all the old people came into the room and I was told, they can't hear anything. So, I had a microphone, and put the microphone, I go, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Anyway, that which we're fighting will always win in zazen.

[09:40]

You cannot beat your own mind, so we just have to let go. And then Buddha mind, Buddha takes over, so striving doesn't help. When we begin to practice, we fall into this idea about striving. We do have to strive, actually, until we find out what striving really means. A big complaint is My mind is just going all the time. My thoughts are just coming up all the time. And that's a big problem.

[10:44]

What do I do with these thoughts? Well, of course, this is an old question, and we all have been through this, but how do we approach this stream of thoughts? Although it's said that we should cut off thinking, it does not mean to have a blank mind. Sometimes if our mind is not consumed by thinking and there's simply bare attention, it doesn't last. because even though there's a space when there are no extraneous thoughts they will come up anyway, as you know. So the nature of the mind is to produce thoughts continuously and it's struggling for its existence in your mind when you're practicing Zazen.

[11:52]

whatever is neglected will want to fight for its own existence to keep going. So, the thoughts that are generated by our mind are actually dissociated thoughts, mostly, because the thought of zazen is your purposeful thought. What do I think in zazen? I think not thinking. What is not thinking? Not grasping thoughts and not averting thoughts. That's not thinking. Non-thinking is not having, not creating what we call sky flowers, flowers in the sky, which are mental images, which are simply flowers without roots.

[13:09]

So, thinking the thought of Zazen is where our attention is. So, thoughts are called the scenery of our life. We don't have to do anything about it. They're just there. And if we allow each thought to arise without thinking, oh, this is bad, or this is good, or this is right, or this is wrong, or this shouldn't be, or it's okay to be, whatever you think, is simply another thought, but judgment is what keeps us bound to our self. When we suspend judgment, then everything simply comes and goes. there's no need to feel good or bad about it, but when a wonderful thought arises and you feel enlightened, we want to maintain that, so that's a delusion that we think is enlightenment, but it's really delusion, this wonderful enlightened feeling or thought,

[14:35]

That's just partiality to some feeling or some thought. And then when something that we dislike arises, we want to push it away. But that's just attachment again. So how to be really empty? Just be really empty without judgment without aversion, without grasping, is Buddha's activity. This is the activity of non-duality. Simply letting breathing breathe. Letting hearing hear. Let seeing see. Let tasting taste. Let feeling feel. without it being mine.

[15:46]

Just as my associate guru used to say, just painful legs sitting on a black cushion. If we can just let painful legs sitting on a black cushion without being attached to the feeling, It's Buddhist activity. But what happens is that we anticipate. So anticipation is an enemy, so to speak. Not an enemy, but a hindrance. Anticipation is our biggest hindrance. a big hindrance. As soon as we anticipate, we're no longer present.

[16:50]

As long as we can't stay present, that's Buddha's activity. As soon as we anticipate, that's my activity, and then I lose my presence. So to simply stay a moment, one moment, one moment. So if it's moment by moment, then there's really simply one moment. And this is called timelessness. Time begins when we contrast. When there's no contrast, there's no time. And we create time with contrast. Soon as we anticipate, we create a contrast between now and then. Now and then is present and future. And as soon as we create a contrast between present and future, then the past also appears.

[18:01]

And then time, what we call time, begins. So, past and future, where do they meet? They meet in the present, but as long as we have anticipation, the present is lost. You know, when we ring the bell, the doan rings the bell. When the doan rings the bell, and the doshi is officiating at the service, often the dawn is waiting to strike the bell at the right moment. That's anticipation, and it mostly is not on time when that happens.

[19:10]

But to simply sit patiently in the present, and at just the right moment, ding ding or boom just the right moment without anticipation then the sound is full and free and expresses the present moment when it's not free like that it expresses anxiety or anticipation or whatever so You can train someone to do all the right moves when being the dowan, ringing the bell, but actually it only works up to a certain point. Technique is only helpful up to a certain point, but the real actual facility is

[20:18]

through being present. Present without anticipation. It's hard. Don't do something ahead of time or behind time. So, in our zazen, not to be ahead or behind. As soon as there is intrusion, there comes up anticipation, or there comes up a choice. What should I do with this? How should I approach this? The choice always comes up. And then we do have a choice. We have a choice on each moment as to how we will relate to this?

[21:20]

Shall I resist? Shall I simply hang on until the end? What should I do? So, you know, with bare attention we can deal with all these problems. So the mind in zazen or our attention is called bare attention. There are various levels of attention. Bare attention simply allows us to participate in observing how something arises, and has its duration and ceases. Those are the three aspects. Arising, duration, and ceasing.

[22:28]

So everything is arising, duration, and ceasing. And thoughts are arising, duration, and ceasing. So if we simply have bare attention, without thinking about anything other than bare attention, then thoughts and feelings will simply come up, and we will observe them, and they will fade back. So, Zazen is just basic Buddhism in the sense of watching the arising, duration, and ceasing of all phenomena. That's basic Buddhist meditation practice. not just in Zazen but throughout your whole life, bear attention on watching how something comes up, how it has a duration, and then we see the ephemeral nature of our life.

[23:41]

So when we observe the ephemeral nature of our life, that's investigating our mind. investigating mind. We see how everything works and how there's nothing substantial. And without attachment, without trying to make it happen or stop it from happening, we just allow that thing, everything to come and go. So observing thoughts in that way with bare attention without naming what you hear or naming what you see. In some practices, people name, oh, this is anger, this is such and such. But without naming anything, we simply see it as it is.

[24:44]

If anger arises, and I say, this is anger, I'm making anger into something, into a mind object. I'm creating a mind object out of anger. So without naming it, it's simply this feeling. And without solidifying the thought, which is kind of opinion. It's not anger. It's simply this feeling that I have, or that's present. This is simply a feeling that's present, and then the feeling goes back into the great ocean of past feelings, or whatever. But, and this is how we allow ourself to not be attached to thoughts and feelings.

[25:55]

Not that thoughts and feelings are bad, but in Tsa Tsen, we simply resume our true nature. We have this opportunity to not get caught by anything. This is like a great freedom. So we can actually exist in Zazen without any fear, without any anxiety, without any hope, no need for hope. because everything is right here. No projections.

[26:57]

Simply being in the center of the universe and then the center of illumination. Master Hong Jue says, take the backward step into the center of the circle where light issues forth. Yeah. I don't mean to be trying to be argumentative But because I know you have strong feelings that have been expressed the entire time about things that are going on in the world right now.

[28:06]

And the question Mary asked last night of Suzuki when we were having the ceremony at the end, you know, is this enough? in the face of the horrors that are going on and the ones that are being done in our name as citizens of this country. I'm just wondering if you could comment. Well, there are two sides of our practice. One side is from the side of the activity of stillness, and the other is the side of stillness within activity, and we go back and forth. So in the zindo we let go of everything, and in the world we take up everything that needs to be taken up.

[29:17]

As Bill Clinton would say. Depends on what you mean by this. We don't sit in tanzen all the time, you know, most of our time is spent in activity. And then we And Sashin is like a turtle drawing in all its legs and returning to the source. And then there's this, at the end of the ox-herding pictures, it's like the last pictures returning to the world after. One of the problems we have in the world is people running the world who have no idea what they're doing.

[30:28]

Wouldn't it be nice to have people in the world that know what they're doing? Doing something? So yes, of course, you know, we have to take care of the world even though the world can't be taken care of. And, you know, I myself have faith, I don't know about you, but I myself have faith that the light of this practice permeates the world in ways that we can't see. And in my fairly long life, I have seen how what looks like a bunch of idiots running around doing something actually has great permeation in the world.

[31:47]

I remember in the sixties, fifties, when poetry was beginning to, and art was breaking all those barriers, which started in a small community and permeated the world. people who are born later don't see how the influence that those few people doing those things had on the world. The world's changed because of that. The world's changed because of Buddhism in America, even though you don't see it. But Buddhism in America and have influence all around the world is actually what's coming up.

[32:53]

More and more you see people in industry, in corporate America, who are actually cultivating Buddha's values. That's actually happening. Norman Fisher was invited to give Zazen instruction to Google. I mean, this is happening. Just by doing our practice, you know, if you leave your practice and go out and do something, you just be absorbed into the, you know, anomaly without being effective. But if you do your practice, you simply have faith in the practice that you're doing, it affects the world. don't know how it affects the world but it does. And my experience is that what happens in a small community in one place can affect the whole world, just like in France, in Paris, the Favres, the painters who had a small community of painters which it changed the

[34:14]

a whole way people do art. Most revolutions are started by a small group of people. The Bolshevik Revolution was started by a handful of people, just doing what they felt that they should do. I feel that, for myself, I feel that maintaining the practice, which I feel is bringing some reality and truth into the world and some real values that are the next step in the evolution of our society. I think that's happening. The cooking bread and vegetables at Tassajara affected the whole world. That's what started one of the elements that started the whole organic revolution.

[35:21]

So, anyway, is it enough? Nothing is going to be truly enough, but it's enough. And enough is enough. Thank you.

[35:48]

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