Good morning. Happy Valentine's Day. On the blackboard in the Wheelwright Center, there is a list of the six perfections. And I noticed the list as I went out the door to come over here. And I thought, well, one of the perfections surely is this day. if we could have dreamed up the details of the perfect Valentine's Day. I doubt if we could have conjured up anything better than we have. So in addition to this being Valentine's Day, the heart day, the day when we celebrate loving kindness and openheartedness, to and from our hearts. This is also the day when we mark or commemorate the Parinirvana of the Buddha.

[01:06]

And I think the juxtaposition of those two celebrations is quite wonderful and a source of, for me, a great joy. There is a sutra in this wonderful new translation of the sutras, the long discourses of the Buddha carrying the major teachings of the historical Buddha, called Thus Have I Heard, translated by Maurice Walsh, published by Wisdom Press. And it is a splendid, this book is a splendid treasure. And I recommend it to all of you. You'll actually be able to read the sutra and mostly understand it. And what you don't understand in time, you will if you stay with it. But the language of the translation is really lovely.

[02:09]

So in preparing for the noting and being with the event called the parinirvana of the Buddha, his passing over into nirvana. I read the sutra that describes his last days and the circumstances surrounding his passing over. And what I'd like to do is to share some of those passages with you and to tell you about an experience I had about a year and a half ago at a time of great grief and suffering for me when I came upon a painting of this scene of the Parinirvana of the Buddha. And to... make some connection, which I think for any of us who have discovered and are on the path articulated by Shakyamuni Buddha, we understand that it has everything to do with the deepest aspect of St.

[03:29]

Valentine's Day. That may seem like I'm stretching something, but I actually don't think so. But we'll see, right? I had this all figured out. I will just plunge in here. Who knows about figured out, right? So in the Mahaparinirvana Sutra, there are several passages which I think you might enjoy, which I've certainly been enjoying. One of the monks who was with the Lord Buddha sent someone to go and get some gold robes. His name was Pukusa.

[04:34]

And he says to one man, go and fetch me two fine sets of robes of cloth of gold, burnished, ready to wear. Yes, Lord, the man replied and did so. And Pukusa offered the robes to the Lord Buddha saying, here, Lord, are two fine sets of robes of gold of cloth, cloth of gold. May the blessed Lord be graciously pleased to accept them. Well then, Pukusa, clothe me in one set and Ananda in the other. Very good, Lord, said Pukusa and did so. Soon after Pukasa had gone, Ananda, having arranged one set of the golden robes on the body of the Lord, observed that against the Lord's body it was dulled. And he said, it is wonderful, Lord. It is marvelous how clear and bright the Lord's skin appears. Remember, we're talking about Ananda talking to Lord Buddha on his deathbed.

[05:42]

It looks even brighter than the golden robes in which it is clothed. And the Lord Buddha replies, Just so, Ananda, there are two occasions on which the Thagata's skin appears especially clear and bright. Which are they? One is the night in which the Tathagata gains supreme enlightenment. The other is the night when he attains the nirvana element without remainder at his final passing. On these two occasions, the Tathagata's skin appears especially clear and bright. Then the Lord went with a large number of monks to the river Kakuta. He entered the water, bathed and drank and emerging went to the mango grove where he said to the venerable Kundaka, come Kundaka, fold a robe in four for me.

[06:44]

I am tired and want to lie down. Very good Lord. Then the Lord adopted the lion posture, lying on his right side, placing one foot on the other mindfully and with clear awareness, bearing in mind a time of awakening. So I'm sure you've all seen pictures or figures of the Lord Buddha lying on his right side with his head in his hand and his feet at right angles to his legs. This is the posture that's being described. And it's actually a meditation posture. And one of the practices that you can do is to sleep in that posture at night. And it is said to be a posture conducive to sleeping with a kind of clarity and awakeness at the same time that you're resting and even sleeping. Now, this next passage I find particularly touching because it is a passage that describes his concern for the man who fed him a meal which made him sick and which is, at some level, the cause of his dying.

[07:57]

Some unwholesome, what's it called, pig fruit or something like that, pork. Then the Lord said to the venerable Ananda, it might happen, Ananda, that Kunda, the smith, should feel remorse thinking it's your fault, friend Kunda. It is by your misdeed that the Tathagata gained final nirvana after taking his last meal from you. So he was worried about what would happen to this man who had offered him food when he had been doing his alms rounds. But the Lord Buddha says, Kunda's remorse should be expelled in this way. This is your merit, Kunda. That is your good deed that the Thagata gained final nirvana after taking his last meal from you. For, friend Kunda, I have heard and understood from the Lord's own lips that these two almsgivings are a very great fruit, a very great result, more fruitful and advantageous than any other.

[09:07]

Which two? The one is the almsgiving after eating, which the Thagata attains supreme enlightenment for. The other, that after which he attains the nirvana element without remainder at his final passing. So here it is again. These two almsgivings are more fruitful and profitable than all others. Kunda's deed is conducive to long life, to good looks, to happiness, to fame, to heaven, and to lordship. In this way, Ananda, Kunda's remorse is to be expelled. There's another place in the sutra where the Lord Buddha is worried about a certain amount of disharmony that may arise after he's passed over, and there are many preparations, and they make a funeral pyre on which his body is placed in order to be cremated.

[10:10]

And there's some discussion and difficulty among his followers as to who's going to start the fire. So do you know how he solves the problem so it won't be a cause of disharmony? The fire starts itself. So he is, in every moment, even at the time of passing over into Nirvana, considerate, supremely considerate and careful and loving of his friends and disciples. Then the Lord, having settled this matter at that time, uttered this verse. By giving, merit grows. By restraint, hatreds checked. He whose skill abandons evil things as greed, hate, and folly wane, nirvana's gained.

[11:13]

Throughout this sutra, there are a number of verses which are great verses for memorizing as practice verses. Later on in the sutra, there is a verse from the Lord Buddha where he describes his life. He says, 29 years of age I was when I went forth to seek the good. Now over 50 years have passed since the day that I went forth to roam the realm of wisdom's law, outside of which no ascetic is first, second, third, or fourth degree. If here monks live perfectly, the world won't lack our huts. At this, the wanderer Subada said, excellent, Lord, excellent. It is as if someone were to set up what had been knocked down or to point out the way to one who had got lost or to bring an oil lamp into a dark place so that those with eyes could see what was there.

[12:27]

So he's describing the Buddha's teaching, what his life has been devoted to. just so the blessed Lord has expounded the Dharma in various ways. The Lord said to Ananda, Ananda, it may be that you will think the teacher's instruction has ceased. Now we have no teacher. I want to ask you to remember that passage with the story I'll tell you in a little while. So he says, Ananda, you might think the teacher's instruction has ceased. Now we have no teacher. It should not be seen like this, Ananda. For what I have taught and explained to you as dharma and discipline will, at my passing, be your teacher. Very important line. Thich Nhat Hanh says, if there isn't a realized teacher in the neighborhood, take the Dharma texts as your teacher.

[13:36]

So we don't need to feel bereft. Later on, in a little bit later passage, the Lord says to his followers, now monks, I declare to you, all conditioned things are of a nature to decay and Strive on untiringly. These were the Pythagoras last words. Remember, when he addresses monks, he's addressing all those who are practitioners. He doesn't mean just those with a shaved head and robes. All those who are practitioners. We sometimes get very excited because the literature looks like it's just talking to the monks. What about the nuns? What about the householders? He's actually talking to all those who are practitioners. All conditioned things are of a nature to decay. Strive on untiringly.

[14:40]

And then there's a series of verses presented by various of his followers. All beings in the world, all bodies must break up. Even the teacher, peerless in the human world, the mighty Lord and perfect Buddhas passed away. And then another of his followers says, impermanent are compounded things prone to rise and fall. Having risen, they're destroyed. They're passing truest bliss. So the teachings on impermanence keep being reiterated. And then another one. No breathing in and out, just with steadfast heart, the sage who's free from lust has passed away to peace. With mind unshaken, he endured all pains. By nirvana, the illumined mind is free. And then the last verse from the Venerable Ananda.

[15:51]

He describes what happened at the moment of the Buddha's passing. Terrible was the quaking. Men's hair stood on end when the all-accomplished Buddha passed away. And those monks who had not yet overcome their passions wept and tore their hair, raising their arms, throwing themselves down and twisting and turning, crying, all too soon the blessed Lord has passed away. All too soon the welfare has passed away. All too soon the eye of the world has disappeared. But those monks who were free from craving endured mindfully and clearly aware, saying, All compounded things are impermanent. What is the use of this? So let me tell you about this circumstance and the effect of my seeing this painting.

[16:58]

Some of you know Tara Tulku, who was a teacher in the Tibetan tradition who taught here at Green Gulch in the mid and late 80s, early 90s. And a year and a half ago, when he died after rather unexpected illness at a time when he seemed to be in his prime as a teacher, he got sick and passed over in a matter of some months. And his passing was in June, at a time when the Wisdom and Compassion exhibit was up at the Asian Art Museum. I had studied with Tharoor Rinpoche for, I think, seven years at the time of his passing. And he was a great and very important teacher for me, a very dear friend and teacher.

[18:01]

And I felt his passing very keenly. And one day I went into the museum. I don't remember that I had any particular purpose except that I spent as much time at that exhibit as I could justify, and sometimes even that which I couldn't justify. It was such a wonderful opportunity. And this particular morning, I walked into the museum. And in the first room on the right side of the room was a series of paintings in the Tibetan tradition, thangkas, depicting various scenes from the life of the Buddha. And there was one particular painting of the Parinirvana of the Buddha, which I hadn't seen, even though I'd been in the museum two or three times a week during the entirety of the exhibits. But at this point, I hadn't seen this particular painting until this morning.

[19:04]

And I went over and I stood in front of it. I looked at it for a long, long time. It was a very beautiful and very joyful painting. And I was initially very struck. How can this painting be so joyful given the subject matter? I, in my grief, could only see that tension, if you will. The colors were very bright. It was a painting of a beautiful landscape with lovely green grassy hills covered with flowers. And in the middle was a kind of throne with the figure of the Buddha at the time of his entering Nirvana. And he looked like he was kind of dancing on his deathbed. There was this kind of joyfulness and glowing of his body. And on one side were monks with their robes pulled up over their heads, all slumped and weeping and miserable.

[20:12]

You could almost hear them crying. And then in another section of the painting, there were monks proceeding with their life and their practice. Some monks were giving teachings. Some monks were meditating. You know, life was continuing with their study and practice and a certain serenity and calmness. The dominant number of practitioners in the painting were in that mode. And then on one side was the stupa where the remains of the Lord Buddha after his body was cremated were to be placed with this lovely small... No, that was from the cremation. The stupa with the little boxes showing how his remains were divided up and shared and among the community practitioners, because that was one of the points of potential disharmony.

[21:19]

And before he died, he said, you know, divide the remains up so that there won't be any fighting about who gets to have them. He'd so completely taken care of the possibilities for unhappy states of mind. So that was on one side. And on the other side was the cremation pyre. And wonderful smoke coming from it, looking like rainbows. So the smoke going up into the sky like a big rainbow with this self-starting fire. So as I stood before this painting, and as I said, I stood in front of it for a very long time, I thought, oh, I've forgotten the teachings. I have no cause to grieve for my dear friend and teacher, who is fine. I have great confidence in his practice and have great confidence that he is well and fine.

[22:29]

My tears of grief are really for myself, for the retreat we will not be able to enjoy together this coming winter, the teachings that we will not enjoy the travels, we will not be able to go on together. And in that moment, I realized, but think of all that I have to be grateful for. Teachings to last a lifetime and then some. And a great example of how to practice. A great example of what cultivation and realization on this path looks like. This grieving is about clinging and is not enjoying the benefits of receiving loving kindness from a great and realized practitioner and very careful instructions about sending those qualities of openheartedness which I have received to then remember also to send them to the hearts of all beings.

[23:42]

And so I had this experience of a kind of cloud lifting, which did not again return. So it was one of those experiences which has continued to be a reminder for me about this path of liberation. So much of the Buddhist tradition, the core of the Buddhist tradition, is about our capacity for cultivating loving kindness and an open heart, and instruction about what hinders our capacity for open-heartedness. Sometimes I'm struck by the lists of what hinders our open-heartedness. So, of course, even in this very sutra, we have a list which you might enjoy.

[24:49]

I suppose that's the right word. Actually, I think this is not from the sutra. It's from an earlier sutra about one of Buddha's prior lives. And he's doing some teaching. And he talks about being compassion-filled and aloof from stench. So I want to tell you about this stench business. The language is great. So what a nice way to talk about the hindrances, the stench among humans. What do you mean by stench among human beings? Pray lighten my ignorance, oh wise one, on this. What hindrances cause human beings to stink and fester, heading for hell?

[25:53]

from the pure light realm cut off. So are you ready? Here's the list. Anger, lying, fraud and cheating, avarice, pride and jealousy, coveting, doubt and harming others, greed and hate, stupor and delusion. Quite a list, isn't it? But what's lovely about the list is it's so specific. Each of these words helps me go to exactly, oh, I know that one. Hmm. But of course, if I can't name, accurately name a state of mind, an emotional state, which is a hindrance, I have no chance of transforming that state of mind, do I? So this is an extremely useful list, a great gift.

[26:59]

I hope you'll pardon this as your Valentine's present, but in the long run, it will be very helpful. So he says, the loathsome stench that these give off heads man for hell from Brahma realm cut off. So I would like all of us, particularly myself, to keep this list in mind, this list of the hindrances. You know, I often talk about certain practices for transforming afflictive states of mind. And people sometimes say, well, what do you mean? What are afflictive states of mind? Here's the list. Anger, lying, fraud and cheating, avarice, pride and jealousy, coveting, doubt and harming others, greed and hate, stupor and delusions.

[28:05]

I sometimes wonder when I read descriptions of the historical Buddha if my response to the descriptions... seems to me my response has changed over the years from having had the great opportunity to know a few human beings who have degrees of great realization. Because there's something about reading these descriptions, having had the direct experience of qualities of great compassion and wisdom, great kindness, a capacity to have a big mind. Somehow these descriptions in the sacred texts have a kind of life that I don't remember them having years ago when I first began reading Buddhist texts. And I had some sense that the possibility of cultivating these qualities was way far away in another time, certainly not for me in my lifetime.

[29:30]

So one of the great benefits in having some even brief encounter with a person of great realization is that we get what it means that the historical Buddha was a human being like each of us. So here is this description of the Lord Buddha, Shakyamuni, and the quality called compassion-filled. That means that one dwells suffusing one quarter with a mind filled with compassion, then a second, then a third, and a fourth quarter. Such a kind description, isn't it? You don't have to just leap with sudden, total, suffused compassion. Start with one quarter of your being, of your heart, of your mind. and then gradually it oozes.

[30:34]

Thus one abides, suffusing the whole world, up, down, and across, everywhere, all around, with a mind filled with compassion, expanded, immeasurable, free from hatred and ill will. That is how I understand compassion filled. This is, of course, exactly a description of what we do whenever we do a loving-kindness meditation. Hopefully, we begin with ourselves. We have ourselves on the map. So we begin with the cultivation of that quality of loving kindness for ourselves because, of course, if we are not able to love ourselves, our capacity for loving another will be diminished.

[31:43]

And then we extend the cultivation of loving kindness to those immediately around us, our friends and loved ones. those a little bit at a distance. We could begin this morning right now sitting here in this lovely room on this wonderful day when the fruit trees are blooming, the birds are singing, the sky is shining with the sun. We hear the rushing of life-giving water the kind of day when our capacity to open our hearts to ourselves and to others somehow seems a little easier. So perhaps you would join me in giving ourselves and each other a Valentine. And if you want, you can close your eyes or not, but begin with letting your awareness focus in the heart chakra

[32:56]

in that place of the mind and the heart chakra, generating loving kindness for myself with as much gentleness and care and tenderness as I can bring forth. As I generate tenderness towards myself. I remember a painting I saw recently, an old Russian icon of the Virgin Mary holding the God of tenderness with his arm around her neck tenderly and his cheek reaching to touch her cheek. May I generate that quality of tenderness in myself, towards myself.

[33:59]

And may I then extend this quality of heart, mind, to those that I love, who are near and dear to me. I extend this quality of loving kindness and tenderness to the people sitting on either side of me, and those sitting in front and behind me. I extend this loving kindness to each and every person in this room. And to those who are not in this room, but who are here in the valley, taking care of Green Gulch, fixing lunch, getting the guest house ready for new visitors who will be coming, making sure that everything is as it should be.

[35:11]

Extend this loving kindness to those driving by on the road, even those on their motorcycles. who go by every morning, every Sunday morning and Wednesday night on their very noisy and beautiful machines, helping me know what time it is. May I extend this loving kindness to all beings in this valley, not just human beings, but all the creatures, the plants and animals and birds, insects, the worms and bugs that live underground, every sentient being, imagined and unimagined. In this valley, And in fact, in this whole watershed, may I extend loving kindness to those people that I know from when I go and get my groceries or go to the laundry or get gasoline for the car.

[36:36]

All those people who help sustain my life. May I extend this loving kindness to those that I work with. May I extend loving kindness to all those in my life with whom I have some difficulty. And may I in particular accept them as my teachers for the cultivation of patience and loving kindness. May I extend this loving kindness to all beings in this region, along the entirety of the West Coast of America, and in fact, throughout our country, in big cities and small villages, people living in poverty and suffering,

[37:47]

people who live in wealth and abundance but suffering, all beings in our country, on this continent, and in fact throughout the world. May I hold this tenderness and loving-kindness for all beings, both friends and enemies. And when I feel some resistance in expressing loving-kindness towards someone, may I take that as the occasion for teaching, for pay attention, Look into this resistance. Don't push, but don't turn away either. May I let myself receive loving kindness and tenderness from others, and may I also send loving kindness and tenderness from my heart to others' hearts.

[39:05]

One dwells suffusing one quarter with a mind filled with compassion, then a second, then a third, and a fourth quarter. Thus one abides, suffusing the whole world, up, down, and across, everywhere, all around, with a mind filled with compassion, expanded, immeasurable, free from hatred and ill will. This is how I understand compassion filled. On this spring day, I'd like to close with a poem of Robert Frost's. I think it's a poem about seeing

[40:32]

It's called Spring Pools. These pools that, though in forests, still reflect the total sky almost without defect, and like the flowers beside them, chill and shiver, will, like the flowers beside them, soon be gone. and yet not out by any brook or river, but up by roots to bring dark foliage on. The trees that have it in their pent-up buds to darken nature and be summer woods again. Let them think twice before they use their powers to blot out and drink up and sweep away these flowery waters and these watery flowers from snow that melted only yesterday.

[41:36]

So on this occasion of the Parinirvana, of remembering the Parinirvana of the Buddha, may we remember that what is born passes away, what rises falls, the great teachings on impermanence. And let ourselves enjoy the delicate beauty of this day without clinging, understanding that in every meeting there is separation, not caught by our regret about the way things are, but celebrating the way things are, enjoying the liberation which the Buddha has taught us about so compellingly. And may we enjoy this day dedicated to the heart, Wouldn't it be nice if we could have every day be Valentine's Day?

[42:46]

But of course we can. Thank you very much. May our intention... I wanted to know how to deal with transformation of these afflicted states of mind. An easy question which could be answered in one... Right. Well, the most powerful practice for transforming any of these states of mind is to practice mindful awareness of the arising of each of them in particular moment by moment. And there are teachings that come out of the Mindfulness Sutra about the specific detail of how to do that, where you actually prepare yourself by settling, either by walking or lying down, quieting and settling the mind.

[43:57]

And then doing a little bit of mindfulness of the body and breath. And then, for example, with anger, as the emotion is rising and falling. Just notice the emotion and whatever physical sensations seem to be accompanying it as you breathe in and as you breathe out. And in fact, there's actually a five-step mindfulness practice for transforming afflictive states of mind. And that's the first step of the five steps. So the first step is just being present with and noticing, but in very particular detail, both the emotion and the body sensations that go with it. Then the second step is noticing or focusing on the breath in and out, that the causes and conditions of this emotion are within me.

[45:01]

Breathing out, I know the causes and conditions of this anger are within me. That's the second step. The third step is... The second step then is acceptance. No, it's just noticing that this is an emotion arising within my mind stream that isn't over there. The third and fourth steps go somewhat together. The third step is breathing in, I calm anger. Breathing out, I calm anger. And in that step you actually visualize holding the anger at the heart chakra and the description is with the tenderness or gentleness of a mother with her only newborn child. And the fourth step is breathing in I ease anger, breathing out I ease anger. And the fifth step is more intellectual kind of analyzing, inquiring, thinking about the causes and conditions of this anger arising.

[46:13]

And the trick is to not jump to step five and avoid actually going through the direct experience of what you're going through. And the trick is to be patient enough to stay with each step, if necessary, for quite a long time. You might stay with step one for a long time and be surprised at how much begins to transform just with noticing what is up. So you can actually use that meditation I think virtually any negative or afflictive state of mind. I surprised myself. I didn't think I could answer that question. But I actually think that the practice of mindful awareness is significantly more penetrating and effective in terms of transformation than most of us realize. I brought the catalog from the exhibit with the painting in it that I was talking about.

[47:20]

So if any of you want to look at it, this is it. Let's see if I'll get the page in case it gets lost and then we can look at it. But you'll see what I mean with my description that he looks like he's just dancing here. It's on page 98. So there you go. The parinirvana of the Buddha. The joyful mode. So... Before some of you came in, we were talking about what's avarice. What's the difference between avarice and greed? I would like to think about it some more, but it seems to me that avarice... is the state of mind that leads to taking what is not given, stealing. Contempt?

[48:23]

Contempt. Contempt is a kind of hatred, ill will. It's a form of ill will. But you know those kinds of questions are really useful to ask and to really listen to the kinds of questions that come up in you because part of what's going on for us is finding what is the word in English that precisely describes what it is I'm experiencing. And to the degree that that process of identifying and naming is precise and accurate, just that process is really useful. There's a very liberative quality to that identifying and naming process. And so a lot of it is just getting more precise in the language we use. Bill? list of ten non-virtuous actions which are free of body, force, speech, free of mind, avarice, ill-will, and wrong views of the three non-virtuous actions of the mind.

[49:42]

I went to my mother this past week, and I just tell you that the two things we talked about seven times really worked, and that was generosity and kindness. And I made it a point every morning when I woke up that I was going to practice that too. And also one of the big mistakes of mine, I don't have the patent. This is the Buddha's patent. You're just saying over and over and you're teaching about... This is the wish-fulfilling gem. I have a friend who went through a very tricky family gathering, and she had to reiterate her intention to speak kindly, sometimes several times during a meal, several times during a single conversation, because she'd start to slip, and then, oh, that's right, what's my intention?

[50:57]

To speak kindly. And she just held herself on a leash called kind speaking. And at the end of ten days or two weeks, she hadn't lost it. once and she had a reputation in her family for having a big and fairly harsh speaking. So it can be done. You know what? She's right. She probably thought for the better. Well, our mothers are not always wrong. Lord Buddha, thank you for my mother, my great teacher, my great teacher. Last week my son and daughter and I took my mother who's 85 to the dog show.

[51:59]

My mother is one of those people who is more trusting of the animal world and in particular the dog world than the human world. And she's in this wheelchair with her little tennis shoes so she can scoot around and propel herself. Even though she's in a wheelchair she's actually pretty So she's scooting around, she's right there at chair level with the dogs, and she just went from one dog to another. And it was just a love feast. And it was loving kindness from her to the dog and from the dog back to her. And there were thousands of dogs at the back. And at one point I got kind of interested in the obedience trials, which were really interesting and fun. she got kind of restless. She said, what are we doing here? I thought we were here to see dogs. But the look on her face after about an hour, she was completely soft and just this big smile on her face and she just, it was wonderful.

[53:04]

It was a wonderful experience. Just seeing the effect of a loving kindness event, which is really what was going on. Because, you know, the dogs come up and they lick her ears and nuzzle around and, you know, it was wonderful. Really wonderful. So, I wish we could have a dog show every weekend. I have to cultivate a bigger tongue. Tired of opening the yard door. Yes? Regarding the emotion of anger, and perhaps somebody else, there are times when anger seems to me to be useful. It's the great American myth. It's all right.

[54:05]

I've also heard that the quality of fierceness, which seems related to me, attributed in fact to some practitioners or leaders of Buddhism. Can you... Called the terrifics. There's an articulation in, particularly in the Tibetan sacred art tradition, of Buddhas who are called terrifics, who look pretty scary. You know, fang teeth and... Can you say a little bit about the distinction? I think it has to do with motivation. One can look like a fearsome warrior if one's motivation is coming from compassion. The experience of relating to such a being will be very different than if that person is acting from anger. I wonder very often in our notion that anger is sometimes useful,

[55:12]

if it isn't really more a matter that the energy that accompanies anger and which is so useful in our moving in a situation where we've perhaps historically been kind of frozen or stuck, if it isn't the energy that's really useful and that the emotion of anger, which tends so often to be blinding, or tends to be an emotion which makes it difficult for me to see clearly what is so. It's that part of anger that is so difficult. But the energy itself, if I could separate the energy from that kind of blindness of hot negative emotion, that certainly is extremely useful. And I also think that any time we start talking about anger, it's extremely difficult to know what we're talking about because the word is the word we use for quite a remarkably wide continuum of emotion.

[56:20]

I actually find using the word aversion, the category of aversion, anger being in that category, but just noticing whenever the slightest turning away or aversion comes up in me has helped me understand the territory of anger a little bit more clearly, a little more accurately. Because it's that turning away that is at issue. So there are two lines in the Jewel Mirror Awareness, which is one of the poems that's recited in a place like this a lot. There are these two lines which go, both touching and turning away are wrong. It is like a great mass of fire. So the path is often described as this track between clinging, desire, and aversion.

[57:25]

And I've been thinking in the last two weeks a lot about the whole image of a fire. You know, you've got a great big fire. There's a certain place you can stand where you'll be too close and you'll get burned. But if you move back too far, then there's no warmth. There's a place where it's just right. And of course that just right place is constantly changing, depending on whether it's a huge bonfire or a little tiny embers. So I find that the category of aversion and noticing aversion, specifically moment by moment, has been quite useful. And it doesn't go to, you know, aversion doesn't go to full-blown rage. There's a whole lot of other possibilities before you get there. Anyway, I don't mean to be harsh when I say the American...

[58:34]

But I think that in a kind of popular psychology way, there is this notion that, you know, there is such a thing as righteous anger or useful anger. And my own experience is that when we talk that way, it usually means we haven't thought in enough precise detail and care and accuracy about what it is we're talking about. And that there's a great deal of benefit from being quite attentive and careful about what we're describing. And, you know, it is true that in the Buddhist teachings, anger does not have a good rep at all. There's no quarreling about that. I think the bottom line is that the teachings are pretty consistently taking the stance that, no, there is no such thing as righteous anger. There is no such thing that anger, of a state of mind called anger, which leads to anything but suffering.

[59:40]

So then what we have to get at is, well, what are we talking about here? Because certainly we all have the experience of being in a situation where we just, we draw a line. We say, no, this is not all right. So how often is it then a matter of, well, we're talking about boundaries and limits. And I think it's extremely easy to read the Buddhist teachings, for example, on the Bodhisattva vow as an argument in favor of doormat-itis. I think it's a misreading of the teachings. I don't think it's about being a doormat. Does that get at a little bit? Yeah. This is a long conversation. It's a complicated conversation. A few weeks ago, my Dharma brother, Mike Port, and I did a weekend on anger. We didn't even begin to scratch the surface. We could do a year conversation.

[60:44]

Meditation group on anger. It'd be fun. I mean, we'd have a pretty interesting time. Anger and judgment, right? Yes? Right on the same topic of anger, I often don't hear the word fear or the feeling of fear talked about. And what I often experience and experience others is that when they're confronting fear, we reach for anger because it's the one that we're most familiar with. Or it feels safer. Or it feels safer. So we're afraid of people who are different, things that are different. Us, our reducing challenge. Can you talk a little bit about where fear fits? Well, I actually think that almost always, at least in my experience, anger is a secondary emotion. And that what's underneath anger often is fear. And that to be present with and even showing that what's really so with me is fear is a place of vulnerability that in some situations I just feel safer going to anger.

[61:52]

But I think fear is an emotion that comes up in a meditation practice, actually comes up a lot. Well, it comes up a lot, but maybe not, at least that I know of, maybe not so overtly, but more by inference. So, for example, in a lot of teachings, there are great preparations before you do something. You not only clean the room, but you sort of mark the territory. It's a little bit like going around peeing on all the posts, marking the boundaries. But you also, you do a purification, you call for protection of one sort or another. A practice which I think is extremely wholesome is to never meditate without first drawing a circle of protection around your seat.

[62:57]

So that's not addressing fear directly, but it is by implication because there's some recognition that in a meditation state, you're actually opening up. You're actually consciously and by choice moving towards a condition of vulnerability. You're not going to do that on the corner of Times Square, not if you've got your wits about you. And in some traditions in Buddhism, there's actually a kind of setting, a calling forth, very clear visualizing of protectors who've got a full suit of armor and equipment for protection. Yeah. The major fear that's addressed in Dharma teachings is the fear of death and is described as the sort of that's Mr. Big in the fear department.

[64:13]

And one of the ways of overcoming the fear of death is to do dress rehearsals. And that's one of the reasons why one of the places where a yogi or a yogini might meditate is in a cemetery. And doing meditations on corpses and doing meditations on visualizing one's deteriorating body All of that is really in service of addressing that particular fear. And I think that's probably the fear which is the most overtly addressed. But look at this print of Green Tara. Her hand is up in this gesture. This is the mudra, which means... Actually, I think it's like this, isn't it? She's got her hand up. This gesture is have no fear. So very often, for example, you'll see pictures of the Buddha as healer, in his form as a healing source in that mudra, have no fear.

[65:18]

In fact, the same woman who did this silkscreen print has done one of a medicine Buddha where she's drawn him with this gesture. And it's interesting how just being reminded of that gesture... helps one remember, oh, that's a state of mind that's possible. Now, in some of the, you know, I was teasing this man who was asking about anger, about these terrific forms of Buddhas. Well, this is the protection mudra. Back off. You know, and on top of that, I might have, if I was dressed up like a terrific, I'd have a five skull crown. I'd have a necklace of 50 freshly severed heads. I'd have an apron made of bone. I'd probably have some fangs.

[66:20]

If I was really terrific, I'd have flaming hair and eyebrows and mustache and beard, all flames. You would not want to mess with me. Pretty scary. So at the Wisdom and Compassion exhibit, where's the book? At the entrance to the exhibit was this wonderful figure of Vajrapani. This was his mudra, holding a Vajra. But he was there as a kind of declaration. If anybody's got negativity and unwholesome states of mind, there he is, the beloved Vajrapani, with flaming hair. He's there at the entrance so that anybody with nonsense in their state of mind should just stay out. Don't come in here. The Tibetans are really great about articulating this stuff.

[67:21]

And they actually draw and make figures of the scariest stuff we could come up with in our minds. Last night, some of us were looking at a few figures, and there's one figure of the... female form of terrific compassion who is the protector of the Dalai Lama. She makes Bruegel's drawings look like a Sunday picnic. So, and I just, I mean, my own experience is that the emotion of fear comes up in Dharma practice a lot because the minute we go to something that's unfamiliar, that's likely to be the emotion that comes up. You kind of, hmm. It's one of the reasons why having a guide that you trust and think is reliable can make a big difference. Having company, having other practitioners is very helpful. Yeah?

[68:24]

How does a life lived according to the virtues differ from... a life lived according to denial or repression. I understand that you might want to orient toward these virtues. You can just speak to that, I guess, in any way. Well, one of the virtues is not lying. And denial is a form of lying to myself about what is so. It may be what I'm capable of. I mean, it's a rather primitive, though sublimely effective defense mechanism. And I have actually great regard for denial. I'm not interested in trying to break that mode with someone. I'm quite interested in working with my own capacity for denial. But when I see that in someone else, I actually have a lot of respect for what's going on because I don't think people go to that mode of protection for no good reason.

[69:29]

And I think the only way to open that up is for the person to do it themselves. To have the opening inflicted on you, in my experience, rarely works. So it's a real question in drug and alcohol abuse around the whole practice of doing an intervention. I've been involved in interventions and mostly they haven't worked in the long run. So I also think, you know, in the workshop that some of us are doing this weekend, we've been talking about one of the things we talked about is having the habit of judgment, habit of seeing what's wrong. I've got a postgraduate degree in seeing what's wrong.

[70:33]

Kind of knows for it. I can see, I walk into a situation and I can spot what's wrong immediately. My mind training is thoroughly in that department, I'm sorry to say. So... For me, the cultivation has been to focus on what's right, because I don't even have to put any energy into what's wrong. Now, in cultivating my capacity to see what's right, I'm not saying, well, I won't notice what's wrong. I'm just saying, this is where I'm going to place my energy. I'm not saying that I don't see that the floor hasn't been swept, but I am noticing that the windows were washed. And I'm going to put my energy towards, oh, how nice that the windows are clean and that we can look out of them. Or that the fire was built. I mean, just to get to some balance between the two.

[71:35]

So it may look like denial, but, you know, that's why each of us is the authority about what we're doing, what we're working with. And actually, I think most people have a surprisingly accurate picture of what's going on if they feel safe enough to be able to admit what they know. I'm always amazed if I ask someone to tell me about what they think their strong suit is and what's their weakness. Like in doing job exit interviews, I've been amazed to let the person who's leaving a job talk about what their strengths and weaknesses were. They've said things that those of us doing the exit interview wanted to say and were a little nervous about saying and wouldn't have said to the same degree that the individual speaking did. And if the environment is safe, that kind of truth-telling becomes possible.

[72:42]

It's one of the reasons why I think the first perfection is the cultivation of generosity. If I'm really generous with myself, I may be able to begin to see what is behind some behavior that's not so thrilling. You know, like lying, for example. Any of us who've grown up in a family where one of the ways we survived was by lying... we're not going to be able to give lying up until we can see how that pattern has served us, until we can begin to see what's right about lying historically and that maybe we've come to a point where we don't need that form of taking care of ourselves like we did when we were little kids. Yeah? How do we begin The things that didn't enhance life, you're saying?

[73:54]

The stinky list? Yeah, the stinky list. How do we begin to not do those things without feeling guilty? I know a Tibetan Lama who says guilt is like, last night you put out the garbage after you had dinner and you did the dishes and you clean up the kitchen and you put all this stuff in the garbage. He says guilt is like going out to the garbage can the next morning and pawing around through the garbage just in case you made a mistake and you should look some more. Pretty interesting description, isn't it? Yeah. There's a practice that's quite fundamental in the Buddhist meditation tradition, which is sometimes called the practice of bare noting. And it's really the antidote to the habit of guilt and getting caught by the soap opera. Okay. you notice whatever it is you're working with.

[74:58]

You note it very briefly and immediately bring your awareness to some neutral body sensation and then the breath. So you notice and then you leave town, as it were. I sometimes liken it to a movie director who, you know, the camera shot a scene and at a certain point he says, ''Cut!'' Well, as soon as you've noticed, you yell, ''Cut!'' So you do the noticing, but you don't do the obsessing and the story and all the endless habitual judging stuff. Oh, I'm such a creep, and why did I do this and keep doing the same thing? If I just note line and bring my attention to the sensation of feet on the floor, breath. And most of us think, but gosh, if I leave this territory of noticing, I'm going to miss something I really need to be looking at and thinking about.

[76:03]

But it doesn't work. We just get caught. Then we start judging the judge. And I think that if we would just try it, just see what happens when we keep bringing awareness to what is so, that's about 98 or 99% of our work. So there's no moment for guilt to slip in there if you do that. Because you're already back at body sensation and breath. Now that particular practice is coming from some assumption that feeling guilty isn't very useful. But in the teachings about the mind and in Buddhist psychology, there is a great appreciation for the wholesomeness of our capacity for shame. But this is, you know, Bradshaw talks about toxic shame.

[77:06]

I'm not a great Bradshaw fan, but I do think this distinction is useful because there is a kind of shame that is a capacity to say, I did such and such and I regret it deeply and it's something I wish I hadn't done. and I want never to do that again. That capacity is seen in Buddhist psychology as very wholesome. And in fact, the absence of that capacity, which seems to go with an overdeveloped capacity for blame, is considered unwholesome and is in Buddhist psychology what I think we in Western psychology call sociopathology. The overdeveloped sense of blame and an absence of a sense of shame is seen as unwholesome. It's an interesting description, isn't it? It seems like the other, like, in the same way, like with anger,

[78:12]

If we try and stuff it, that doesn't work either. We have to let it come. If it's there, we have to let it come up. But we don't have to let it come out. Up doesn't mean out. So one of the first things that happens when people start doing a breath-oriented meditation practice is you begin to discover an option that for a lot of us we never knew existed. Most of us have grown up thinking we can either stuff it, we can either suppress or express. That's our range of options. Meditation practice brings us a third option. Being completely present with what is so without either suppressing or expressing. It's a radical third option. So, you know, you see people walking around a place like Tassajara and you think, you can almost see the steam coming out of their ears and their nostrils. They're just, you know, they're really pissed off. Well, that's what's up.

[79:16]

You know, and if you stuffed anger for a lot of years, that's a lot of what's going to come up for a while. And it's a great relief to realize I can really be honest with myself about this is the emotion that keeps coming up. And I don't have to be afraid about what murder and mayhem I may do if I start acting from this state of mind. So I think this is another one of the tricky areas because you can also use a meditation practice as a way of stuffing it and looking good. It's called hiding. And, you know, we're very tricky. We're very clever. We can use anything to hide, including spiritual practice. So always the question for me is, is what I'm doing in this moment authentic? Am I really including all of what I know about what is so for me? You know, there's another piece about guilt, which is I think often it becomes habitual.

[80:27]

And so we hardly even notice that we have this habit. So a lot of meditation practice is about getting to know what's habitual, just beginning to see more accurately what our mental landscape is. This is not a very cheery conversation. But it's worthwhile. Well, I think it ought to be cheery once in a while. I think we need the cultivation of joy. I think it's tricky when we get deadly serious. Yeah. Yeah, that's the generosity part. Absolutely. Yeah. What Buddhist teachings bring then to one's self-recrimination about the past, being destructive, past mistakes, carelessness, or if you're a parent, I mean, I'm speaking to things that are not respectful.

[81:59]

Yes. Well, you know, there's a practice which for any of us who grew up in the Catholic tradition, we're not thrilled to hear about, but it's actually very effective. Very ancient practice in many traditions. It's called confession. And in fact, the practice of confession, regret, and renewal of one's vows is a very powerful practice. Self-forgiveness is a loving-kindness meditation. There's a classical loving-kindness meditation on forgiveness where you forgive someone for something they've done, either intentionally or unintentionally, through actions of their body, speech, or mind. But the second part of the meditation is to ask someone to forgive me. And it's amazing to me how many people fall asleep or forget or whatever for the second part of the meditation.

[83:03]

And in fact, I think that one of the issues for us in this country in our encounter with the Buddhist tradition is that for a lot of us, the early stages of practice are about health healing, are about cultivating some sense of self-worth. cultivating a kind of mental health, if you will. I remember years ago, Bob Akin, when he was visiting Zen Center, said, you know, it's like building a house, and you're all busy on the upper floors building this beautiful structure, but what about all the snakes and lizards and alligators and dreck in the basement? If you haven't cleaned the basement, you're going to have dry rot, at least, a shaky structure. So, and my experience is that none of us is able to actually have a deep, developed, authentic spiritual practice if we don't have some degree of self-confidence. It's one of the reasons why it's extremely dangerous to say, I'm going to do something and then not do it.

[84:07]

Especially... important in spiritual practice. To not say, I'm going to sit Zazen every morning for an hour. And then, you know, three weeks later and I realize I've sat once. It causes a lot of harm in that sense of eroding our sense of self-confidence in ourselves. You know, it takes a certain amount of self-confidence to sit down and take on the posture, the body and mind of the enlightened ones. That's quite a lot. And if you think you're a piece of shit, how are you going to do that? Pretty hard to do that. And especially in the practice of doing that, things come up that are painful, tragic, unpleasant. Rebecca Joy again. No, but this is the path between aversion and desire. And it comes up with our response to our own state of mind, to our own actions, past actions. So when I begin to look at what's my response to something I did years ago, if I really let myself be with that, it's an extraordinary kick, if you will, to not do that thing again.

[85:22]

If I want to live a life without regret, one of the questions I ask myself hopefully before I do something is, is this something I'm going to regret? And it comes up when I begin to look at actions have consequences. The more I begin to see the consequences, the more I begin to pay attention to causes and conditions. And the more I begin to look at what my state of mind is, the more I take care of my state of mind. It's not worth it to me to do something that's going to leave my state of mind a wreck. Some years ago, a teacher of mine said, nothing is worth sacrificing your state of mind. And I've come to completely believe that. I haven't yet found something. Interestingly, a few weeks ago, I had an experience where I have a friend who's in a terrible situation. And I consciously overextended myself to keep her company because of this terrible situation she's in.

[86:33]

And I was very conscious. I'm willing to sacrifice my state of mind this afternoon in order to be present with my friend. Mistake. Well, my ability to stay with her is thrown into question if I'm wiped out. And I got caught by my agenda, not hers. And I'm busy taking care of something that doesn't want to be taken care of yet. Oops, that again. It was really interesting because it was the first time in many years where I thought, I know I'm sacrificing my state of mind, but in this case, I'm willing to do it. Two weeks later, I realized I made a mistake.

[87:34]

I overreached. I got a little carried away with being a little more important than I am there. I mean, it's really important teaching for me. Because I can get in my ambulance and be off driving to the scene. I mean, you know. I keep forgetting that my ambulance is supposed to be on blocks. I'm not driving it this life. People keep lending me their ambulance. Yeah. Yeah, but surely what I'm saying is is a constant situation. It's constantly changing. So I would think that wherever one is at that time, if that seems to be right at that time, then one's state of mind should be okay with that. I would thought. That's pretty theoretical.

[88:35]

No, I don't think so. Well, it doesn't fit my experience. Well, for me it does. It's very clear to me that there are certain actions or emotions that lead, for me, to the condition I would describe as a disturbed state of mind, and that those periodically arise. Yeah, I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning that one. All I was meaning was to suddenly change my agenda for another reason. is quite okay if I come to that conclusion that yes, for whatever reason I'm going to change my agenda. Yeah, all I'm saying is that in a specific situation where I realized I was tired, I already had worked hard all day, that there was a certain stretch that was going to affect my state of mind and that I was willing to do it to keep my friend company. As things have unfolded in the

[89:36]

last couple of weeks, I realized that was an inaccurate perception. What was called for, what was appropriate in that situation, I realized in hindsight was an inappropriate read, if you will. And I was struck by it because it was the first time in a very long time I've consciously said, I'm going to do this knowing that it will probably affect my state of mind. I apologize. The only reason I brought it up was because I find that it's very easy to get stuck and that was the point that I'm coming to. But I would encourage you not to apologize for bringing something up because whatever comes up to the degree that it's up...

[90:23]

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