It's the last time we ta- So we have, yesterday, the meaning is not in the words, yet it responds to the inquiring impulse. If you're excited, it becomes a pitfall. And if you miss it, you fall into retrospective hesitation.

[01:01]

It's an interesting translation. There are other ways of translating this that we bring out a less esoteric meaning. If you stray from it, it produces pitfalls, and to deviate leads to false thinking. That's another translation, a little more easy to grab hold of. Also, if you use rote methods, it becomes a pitfall. In other words, if you use standard methods, if you only teach from the book, then it becomes a pitfall. So you should give medicine according to the specific illness of each student. That's a little more specific.

[02:02]

So Clary says, if you're excited, it becomes a pitfall. If you miss it, you fall into retrospective hesitation. I can see the meaning in that. You should remain calm. Otherwise, you fall into... get too excited and your mind becomes agitated and expectant, and that's a pitfall. Suzuki Roshi used to say, Zen is not excitement. And everybody would say, If you miss it, you fall into retrospective hesitation.

[03:15]

Retrospective hesitation in thinking too much. As soon as you miss the moment, then your mind starts working. and you substitute thinking for the experience of the present moment. I think that's what he means by retrospective hesitation. You know, to step out is to act, to hesitate, And then you start thinking, should I? Or shouldn't I? Is it good? Or is it bad? Is it right? Or is it wrong? Pretty soon the mind is oscillating like crazy and you're stuck.

[04:20]

So sometimes it's good to make a big mistake. To make a decision and make a big mistake. It's OK. But oscillating, should I? Should I? Is it right? Is it wrong? If I do this, I can't do that. You go nowhere. If you hesitate, you fall into retrospective. No, if you miss it, if you miss this moment, You fall into retrospective hesitation. Being and doing at the same time is the way. Thinking and acting as the same action is the way. It's not that we shouldn't think, but... Dugin says,

[05:31]

Think not thinking. What is think not thinking? Non-thinking. What is non-thinking? Don't hesitate. Thinking and acting are one. So what do we do with thinking? We think the thought of Zazen. That's non-thinking. Non-thinking is to think the thought of Zazen. When I sit Zazen, Whenever I sit Zazen, I always give myself Zazen instruction.

[06:38]

Every time. Every time I sit Zazen, I give myself Zazen instruction. Not the way I would give it to a student. Give it to somebody new, necessarily, in that verbal way. I always sit down. Find a good seat. Cross the legs. sway back and forth, find the posture, put the hands in the mudra just this way, sit up straight, put the chin this way, the teeth this way, the head this way, the shoulders this way, let go, every time. And I give myself Zazen instruction the whole time, unless until I fall asleep. And then I say, come back. So that's also Zazen instruction. Wake up.

[07:41]

Let the thoughts pass. It's okay to have thoughts. Thoughts are the function of the mind. Don't turn off the mind. Thinking out of thinking doesn't mean turn off the mind. It means let the mind be one with Zazen so that Zazen the body, posture, the breathing, and the thinking are not separate. You're not thinking about Zazen. The thought is Zazen. The thought is not separate from the act. The mind and the body are not two separate things. So this is our effort in salsa, that the body and the mind and the breath are not separate things, even though there is body, mind, and breath.

[08:47]

They're one piece. So don't think about something. Let the thought and the act be without any gaps. So if you miss it, you fall into retrospective hesitation. Daydreaming. Dreaming. So in Zazen, we keep waking up to unified practice, unified activity. And then we fall into retrospective dreaming. And then we wake up again. And we keep bringing our attention back.

[09:48]

That's what Zazen is. Over and over. just bringing ourself back to waking up. That's all there is to do. Wake up. [...] Over and over again for seven days. Any sense Turning away and touching are both wrong, for it is like a mass of fire. Turning away and touching, he's talking about the Dao, the way. Turning away, turning away from it and touching, or going for it, are both wrong, because it's like a mass of fire. So this is what I want to talk about, this turning away and touching.

[11:05]

This is a, you're probably all familiar with this koan. You can move my car, a very famous koan. Nansen, Nansen was Joshu's teacher. So when Joshu was a young man, he came to Nansen and he said, asked Nansen, what is the Tao? What is the way? And Nansen said, ordinary mind is the way. He didn't point out some path, he just pointed to the mind. He said, ordinary mind is the way. So, Joshu says, should I try to direct myself toward it?

[12:11]

Nanzen said, if you try to direct yourself, you betray your own practice. Or, you dualize it. That's my term. If you try to direct yourself forward, you dualize it. And then Joshua is asked again, Well, how can I know the Tao if I don't direct myself? Logical question. Nonsense. The Tao is not subject to knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion. Not knowing is blankness. I don't like that word. Not knowing is not conscious, not aware.

[13:19]

If you truly reach the genuine dowel, you will find that it is as vast and boundless as outer space. How can this be discussed at the level of knowing and not knowing? Then Muhammad has a commentary. He says, questioned by Joshu, Nansen lost no time in showing the smashed tile and the melted ice, where no explanation is possible. So Joshu had realization he could confirm it only after another thirty years of practice." Now the end of this is that with these words, Joshu had a sudden realization. And he says, though Joshu had realization, he could confirm it only after another thirty years of practice. You know, realization is the beginning of our practice.

[14:25]

Kensho, Satori, or whatever you want to call it, is the beginning of practice. I remember in the 60s, when various teachers came to America, Suzuki Roshi, Kaplow Roshi, Maezumi Roshi, and a few others. Suzuki Roshi did not emphasize Kensho or Satori, whereas all the other teachers did. Suzuki Roshi is kind of alone in his position. But over the years, gradually, all those teachers have stopped emphasizing Satori.

[15:31]

Kensho as the thing to strive for. Suzuki Roshi didn't say you shouldn't have Kensho or Satori, but he said it's not so difficult to get enlightenment. The difficult thing It's how you practice for 30 years. He didn't say it in that way. How you practice day by day. What you do day by day. That's what's important. This is after kensho. After some experience. It's good to have some experience. Some people have big experience, major experience.

[16:35]

And some people have almost, their experience is more like this. And what we tend to hear about are the dramatic experiences that people have. And we feel the dramatic experience is what you have to have. But actually there are two types of people. Somebody wrote a book about this recently. The type of person who... a doubter. And the doubt type and the faith type. The doubt type usually has to work very hard and create a certain kind of tension in the mind. And then they have a big breakthrough in it, big experience. Whereas the faith type doesn't have so much doubt.

[17:41]

They just kind of go along like this, they're content. Kind of practice as without doubt, so much doubt. And their experience is more ordinary. It's just as great an experience, but it's more in the realm of the ordinary. But you had a big experience, so what? I have a big experience every day, so what? So these are two types. And then the type that strive for kinship and the type who The first time they sit, they have kinship. But it's not such a big deal. So he says, after the experience, after his mind opened up, oh yeah, I get it.

[19:01]

He has to practice for 30 more years to ripen his experience. Actually, we've all had some experience. Every one of us has had some experience, had some enlightenment. That's why we're practicing. That's what keeps us practicing, even though we don't understand our enlightenment. We've had some insight, even though we have a lot of doubt, or don't understand it. Like the monk who asked Gensho, you know, he's talking about The whole universe is one bright pearl. How do you understand that?

[20:05]

He said, the whole universe is one bright pearl. There's no need to understand it. And actually, when we feel comfortable with our not understanding, then we can really practice. We can practice for 60 years. Then we can actually play. And our practice becomes a kind of playful field. So, Joshu asked Nansen, what is the Tao?

[21:08]

And Nansen said, ordinary mind. What is ordinary mind? Ordinary has two meanings. My Japanese is not very good, but in Japanese, Michi and Do are two meanings of way, or ordinary. Michi means the ordinary, but we usually think of it as ordinary. The events, the ordinary events of our life. We get up in the morning and brush our teeth. These are the ordinary events of our life. This is michi. And the other meaning of ordinary is do, or Tao. Do, which means, in the absolute sense, ordinary.

[22:11]

It means our true self, our ordinary true self. So this is actually the first two ranks. The first rank is Do. The second rank is Michi. And the first rank is Michi, hidden within Do. And the second rank is Do, hidden within Michi. Ordinary life. Ordinary activity. Ordinary mind. That's the way. They're both ordinary. Form is emptiness, and emptiness is form. That's ordinary mind. Form is form, emptiness is emptiness.

[23:14]

And in between all of them is just this. Suchness. There's also a term called Hei, Zi, O, Shin. Hei, Zi, O, Shin. It's three characters. Mind which cannot be upset. in whether on the dark side or the light side. The mind, nothing can upset this mind because it's when in activity the mind is settled in the absolute and in the absolute the mind is settled in its activity. There's no way to upset it. So, it's like a massive fire.

[24:27]

Turning away and touching are both wrong. What do you do? If you go for it, then you dualize it. You make it into something. And if you don't go for it, you're just ignoring it. So, how do you Seek the way without seeking the way. And Mulan has a poem, he says, spring comes with flowers, and autumn comes with the moon, summer with the breeze, and winter with snow.

[25:37]

When idle concerns don't hang up your mind, hang in your mind, that is your best season. What are idle concerns? Which is the best season? Which do you like best? Summer? Winter? Spring? Autumn? Standing? Sitting? Pleasure? Pain? A monk asked Hario, what is the Daibai school?

[26:52]

What is the school of Kanadeva? And Hario said, snow piled up in a silver bowl. Ordinary mind, that's the way. like snow piled up in a silver bowl. Togian always used to talk about Lu Ching's poem about the wind bell. The wind bell hanging in emptiness. The fish, actually.

[27:56]

The big fish bell hanging in emptiness. Its mouth is completely, its whole body, its whole body is its mouth. And the wind breeze comes from the north and the south and the east and the west. And all day long, The bell just goes ding, dong, ding, ding, dong. Dogen loved his poem. There's a nice saying here. I need to practice to attain the precious mirror, although the precious mirror is not something I attain through practice." This is Shengyin's comment.

[28:57]

I need to practice to attain the precious mirror, but the precious mirror is not something I can attain through practice. Nevertheless, I have to do it. So the way, the Tao, is right under our feet. The gate is right there. There's no gate. We can practice at any time, any moment, in any circumstance. There's no need to look for the way.

[30:03]

All we need to do is look under our feet. And our question is not what is the way, but what am I doing? What am I doing? Sometimes people say, pretty soon I'll be good enough to practice. I'll have taken care of myself enough so I can practice. That's a good idea, but we're never ready. We're never ready to practice. There's never some time when we'll really be ready to practice. So we just have to do with what we've got and with where we are.

[31:05]

When we can just settle down where we are, no problem. The whole... The bird's path is the way. What is this? The bird's path is the way.

[32:18]

What is the bird's path? Path. What is the bird's path? Ask the bird. The bird's path is when you see somebody's sandwich. Oh boy. So today is the fifth day of Sashin and we should be fairly well settled into Sashin right now. After the fourth day, it looks like, from the first to the fourth day, you get up to middle age.

[33:26]

And then, after the fourth day, you start going the other way. But don't rush it. Don't rush it. Just keep your calm mind. Live your life fully, moment by moment. And it does seem to be very wonderful, even though it's very painful.

[33:51]

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