That's true, but one doesn't realize, and that is just, you know, the cultivation of silence in the monastery is just to get away, break down that, which is so deeply different. But the silence, which would be simply It is with withdrawing into oneself that, of course, again, that is the barrier. Then in that case, if silence is not something that is open to God, then again it becomes just a way of enjoying oneself. It becomes a way of being self-sufficient. And then it is then it doesn't serve charity.

[01:08]

It is the enemy's way of charity. So silence must be helpful. Silence must be the expression of the Jesus' submission to God. Submission to God. Of our dependence on God. And then, of course, also, if that is true, if our silence is really unique in regard to heaven, then, of course, then, too, that silence is a certain gift of certain real and true independence. But a true independence, silence really is a true independence. Again, we know how much on the other side, you know, constantly speaking, forces everywhere, you know, into depending on others, with our imposing on others.

[02:19]

And that therefore change, which deprives us of our legitimate independence, If we, if our charity, you know, would be in that way, this is, of course, it's not true charity. It's not a charity which really has gone through the piece of cloth, you know, which is the kind of, I mean, of the behavior which is simply, as I say, kind of political behavior, polite. That means if somebody talks to me, then, all right, I have to talk again to him. You know how that is in the world. People think they cannot be together without talking together. It would be impolite to be together and not to talk together.

[03:22]

The world usually has this instinctive feeling that if we are together, we have to entertain one another. Now, in a monastery, of course, we are not there to entertain one another. That's a point of view that has to be cut off. We are not there to entertain one another. We are there to help one another, to have the warm... entertainment dialogue going on, and that is that communication on which we both have spoken all the time, and of which silence is one need to become the father's son, to become God's son. You have that inner dialogue between God and the soul, and silence the wall which preserves and protects that

[04:27]

Science is the wall behind which the love for God, my love for God, and God's love for me can really flow without external intrusion, without being interrupted. Therefore, science is a protection for us, for the individual, protected against the arrogance of somebody else, you know, who intrudes into that dialogue. Wants to enter into it instead. You know how good Simon feels to prevent, you know, all this what we call amicizia peculiaris. Amicizia peculiaris. These tendencies that very often are in us to form a certain human friendships, human attachments to one or the other member of the community.

[05:31]

And that's always connected with that, of course it cannot be expressed in any other way, but by taking somebody aside, talking to him inside, you know, in his private way and so on, and Therefore, in that way, it's a break of silence. It is an intrusion, you see, into that inner realm that really belongs to God alone. Because in a monastery, every individual soul here is consecrated, dedicated, given to God. And we cannot take that thing as a gift away from God and take it for ourselves. But that is too often the case, even when silence is not observed. Silence, our strong reaction to it, is the instrument through which, in all we find, takes us all into our own position, making our own position, establishes a role for nature.

[06:47]

And that may sometimes, that that attention may even, uh, hide itself behind, uh, behind, uh, only behind values. We are always ready to find good titles for doing ourselves with. And you think, oh, as we say, it has this poured out. It has an outer aspect and it has an inner. Outer aspect into inner. The outer aspect is, if I consider somebody else,

[07:53]

say simply on, for example, on how I don't like him because he, I don't like that thing. I don't like that voice. I can't stand the way the man talks. Well, he's an Irish, well, he's a German, well, And that way, if you think a person has an outer aspect, but then that person also has an inner aspect, that person is saved by our Lord, the baptized Christian. He is an object of our Lord's saving love. He is infinite precious, infinitely precious to all of us.

[08:58]

He has a soul and rebirth. And that soul is of infinite beauty. If you are that way, then you go into the inner aspect. You look at the other from within. You look at him on the outer aspect, that means to simply get stuck, you know, in your natural, natural reaction. Antipathy, antipathy. So recollection is the process through which I withdraw from the periphery. from the outer aspect of it. And look at them from the inside. The great way to say, of course, to put it is, go into the peace of Christ.

[10:08]

And then there, the peace of Christ, that's the center. The love of Christ for us, that is the real true center. Because when we are really in the debt of our being, then we say, not I live, but Christ lives in me. That sentence expresses, you know, the fact that we live in the true center of all, that we live in our debt. But we don't live in our debt by nature. Therefore, we live in our chest, you know, by a constant, renewed return into it. That is what we call again and again the labor of obedience. That constant, renewed effort in our part to go again into the state of it.

[11:16]

Because we constantly are drawn away from it to the flaws of his or me. Now, you know very well, you see, that much talking forces you into liberation. It forces you. You cannot remain in the center of things And you don't keep, you know, to the exterior side. You cannot. So therefore recollection is this living in one's being. Looking at things in their inner aspect. One can also say that recollection is that drawing out the line to Christ.

[12:26]

And other important aspects of that, you know, recollection. To draw out the line to Christ. Because, you know, at the very end, we have lines. A line is dark, you know, but then it's dark. We don't draw it out. to Christ. If we feel the pain, we are sick, then what do we think? We think, now, now, now, now we cannot work. We cannot do what we are supposed to do. And then we get terribly upset. Terribly upset. Now, we see then that we simply do not recognize it. or recollect our sins. That means withdraw, going to the peace of Christ, going to that hidden heart of the storm, to that hidden heart of the storm.

[13:32]

And then, of course, we come, you know, so we come to the realization. Now this is the moment where Christ wakes for me in these journals. if we have drawn out the lines to Christ very often we don't do that we just get lost for example we see this often in the world you know people who are hit by certain unexpected great sorrow very often we then get lost in that sorrow and we don't draw out the lines to Christ Sometimes they don't even want to do it. They get so lost in their soul that they develop an inner attitude of self-pity as the only cause of their consolation. And of course, as soon as you fall into self-pity, you haven't drawn out the lines to climb.

[14:45]

You live in the periphery. You are not really recollected. Why get thrown into the treasure of faith? I have to do this, to do that, do that. Then after a while it wears me down, wears me out. I have drawn out the lines to crime. I have just, you know, I have kept sometimes we do that, you know, instead of being recollected, we just become the victims, you know, of constant conflicting tendencies. Conflicting. Very often the case that we are not recollected, we don't really live in the depth of our being.

[15:51]

On one hand, you know, we hate being busy. On the other hand, we like it about it. That we tend to leave, for example, this conflict between Mary and Martha. But sometimes we just get stuck in the conflict. When we are busy, we want to be married. When we are married, we regret that we are not, that we are not smarter. The time that we don't, we live in the periphery. We haven't really recollected, you know, drawn out the line. One means, you know, of recollection. The fourth thing in recollection is, you know, in the name of Christ, always, and in absolute obedience to gain gifting, take the now situation in which you are.

[16:59]

Now, at this moment, as Christ called you, the whole house and the fullest house, at this moment, throw all your worries for the future and for the past on Christ, you know, He is the herewith, the yesterday, and he is the future, the first of all. In this moment, he is the audience today. Today, when I will hear his voice, don't harden your heart. That's an important element. Recollection is really important. The breaking through, you know, on external conflicting tendencies that tear us in this direction, tear us in that direction. Getting it loose from there, getting it loose from the other direction, and getting completely rooted in this path more.

[18:08]

And we completely have to get through in this effort more. Because it is done in obedience. It is done in the greatest general order. God decides for me to stay in the news. Oh, now I understand. That is really recollection. It is that reaching out for God in faith mode. very often, I mean, we, for all these things, it's true, understandable, you know, that we say now, we cannot be a good non-judge at this moment, therefore we wait until, you know, when we come home. Sometimes we do that too, you know, we consider and say now, this is just kind of a preparation, but then even the puritans, now that too is a dangerous and

[19:13]

In fact, in Christ, the present moment is over. He is with me. He is with me to every moment. Because if I want my own peace, if I want to open that door that I want to open, then I get torn into all this. Then I get tired. That's what the devil wants, and he wants to run around in circles. But not to rest in the first place. And in fact, in Christ, you can be at every moment, you know, the real isn't part of it. Every moment. So therefore, that is just to indicate or to point into the direction where it seems to me to recollect life.

[20:16]

Therefore, not a mental technique in which you, for example, to have such a wrong way, you know, of looking at it, but you have how to actually, you know, be mentally concentrated, you know, on Christ. And at the same time, somehow, you have to do something else. That means that splitting of attention. Now, that is not recollection. Splitting of attention. Sometimes it doesn't work. Very often it doesn't work. There are, of course, kinds, for example, of activities, kinds of activities which are so mechanical, you know, that in doing them, you simply can't think of nothing else. That's what. And if you are then thinking, you see, of your service, of the Lord, of all the things, you know, and for what purpose did you come, and to be a person for which you come,

[21:28]

and you go into a prayer, then, of course, there you are recollected. But very often you have to do things, you know, which require your entire attention. Now, in a case like that, you should not think, you know, that recollection itself, you know, of course, means, you know, already, let us say, thinking about the Lord, or let us say, in a kind of a philosophical way, you know. Recollection is not, for example, simply moving theological problems in your mind. That's not recollection. But recollection is not quiet realization, sometimes without words. without any context, without holding any context, that inner, quietly standing in the Lord's love.

[22:39]

And love, of course, isn't, it says, a very, one can say, a very quiet thing. A very inner kind of, you know, stable thing. But it is not necessarily thinking about God. And that too is the reason why recollection is completely compatible with doing things too that take your entire attention. That inner hidden heart of the tempest is nevertheless still there. You know you are carried by Christ. You know you are in living consciousness. And sometimes the connection simply consists of that, and I think even, let's just say, serving a sword, you know, or something like that.

[23:46]

You can, in doing it, cutting your wood, you know, you can just take a little breath, you know, and just, you know, put your head to Christ now for you. I mean, that's not the thing that is done with the complicated thinking. Just the kind like hitting your head. Because it really is that easy, easy to reach the love of God. It is. God's in your center. Surround. So now, Concerning the practice of silence, concerning the practice of silence and of recollection, I wanted to point out two things. One, of course, is that I think that the night silence is quite well observed here. I wanted to point out that part of the night silence

[24:52]

That night silence serves, you know, I mean, our, that inner, you know, that inner colloquium with God. You know, the night in that way is God-preserved, you know. It's there for that, for that inner rest, you know. Here it's not only, I mean, bodily across, going to bed, you know, addressing, but that is only that symbol of our inner, just leaning our head completely on the Lord. Therefore, it is the night silence not only preserved by not talking during the night silence, but the night silence has also been preserved by putting out of your hands, you know, all, let's say, work, you know, that, for example, especially noisy work, you know, that belongs

[25:54]

today, for example, the break of the night silence is the compass, you know. You are essentially in the house as it is here, the circumstances in which we live. Simply sitting down and writing letters on a typewriter. That's the break of the night silence. That is, there can be an urgent mistake, you know, where, for example, a It's general that we have to get this letter out on our defense. That cannot be done without explicit permission. There is an explicit permission necessary. Either from the abbot or from the prior, you know. Being the monarch, yes. Therefore, one cannot presume that he, you know, somebody goes to the typewriter and types, it simply is a break.

[26:59]

It breaks the whole atmosphere of the day into that night. It destroys that in us. preserved. Everybody now sees, now this man here, you know, instead of really perceiving the meaning of the night time, he continues his circle, the daily circle. And that, therefore, is not enough. One cannot assume any position at that time. I would expressly say that nobody, of course, not a great reason, always gives the permission, but then has to be in case of emergency, because no individual can decide by himself if that is the case, whether it's emergency or not. But that has to be done with exact permission. And to the one who asks for that permission, instead, you need to realize that this is a thing which, of course,

[28:03]

In our circumstances, really, it's bad, you know, because it doesn't affect only me, but it affects so many others. You know how much, you know, in our circumstances, that time and piece of life time is needed. But, of course, sometimes one has the impression that we go between the two extremes, you know, of night silence and no silence. But that, as you know, is not the decision. But the decision is night silence and day silence. Night silence and day silence. So our decision is not night silence and no silence. It's very important to realize that in the time of retreat, it's the time that we can quietly, but seriously, but also in peace, you know, talk about these things and put them again, you know, in our mind and make the resolutions which are necessary under these circumstances.

[29:17]

Night silence and day silence. The thing you must, especially as far as the day silence is concerned, you must... I think if our division really would deny silence at no time, I think we would do great injustice. Great injustice to the souls and great harm to the souls that come here. Because certainly silence, as we have seen from all the things that we have said about it, silence is one of the advantages that the monastic life offers to us. The world knows no silence, that's why. Simply, in the world that is not known. And if you are, if you as long as you live in the world, you are taught to talk, that's why.

[30:21]

Otherwise you couldn't be there. But that is just one of the aspects which shows you, the difficulty and the danger of life in the world. Now, of course, if we would be, as it is said yesterday in the epistle, if we would simply be conformed to this world, then why do people come here? As in not keeping the silence, we really become conformed to the world. No doubt, every one of us, all of us. But in this, if you think of the souls that come here, they leave their parents, they leave their home, they leave their job and their career job that they would have in the world. And they come here. One of the purposes why they come here is to work their salvation and to use the means, you know, that the monastic life offers to them.

[31:29]

And as I say, one of the means that the monastic life offers to work our salvation is the silence. We don't keep the silence, the monastery becomes the world. And then after a while, at the first time, the first weeks and so on, some people make final vows with very nice, you know, all going along very fast, you know, and I want to teach, I want to talk, I talk, and so on. Everybody seems to do it, the spiritual display. But then after a while, why? Because one lives on the natural sphere, you know. This is not really the presence of God. The meaning, you know, that the monastic life offers to them. And as I say, One of the means that the monastic life offers to work our television is the silence.

[32:32]

We don't cease the silence, the monastery becomes the world. And then after a while, it's the first time in the first weeks in Toronto some people make final miles with wearing eyes, or going along very fine in a while. I want to preach, I want to talk, I talk, and so on, and so on. Everybody seems to do it, you know, the spiritual display. And so, but then after a while, it gets discussed. Why? Because one lives on the natural spirit, you know. This is not really the presence of God. So in that way, then after a while, one asks oneself, you know, what I do here, I can just as well do in the world. So then, the monastery really deludes its soul. Therefore, we all have a mutual obligation. We have a mutual obligation. Any soul that comes here, we have an obligation to that soul.

[33:37]

And if we simply don't seek the sun, we find that is the obligation that we have. Because the soul then gives such a fine band for which it came. Therefore, Because silence is a very good means of serving one another and cooperating in one another's salvation. Therefore, let us keep the day silence, especially during the work. Some people really have no sense of that big silence during the work. In the summer, the early months, people are simply talking. during the work, you know, the fact, you know, that we allow, that we allow, you know, the monks to talk during the work about things that are connected with the work, you know, taking too much advantage of it.

[34:40]

And sometimes one can see the usefulness in that way, and the reason why, for example, a chap has introduced the sign language. Why? Because the sign language, then, It forces you to cut it down to the attention, you know. But it's true that the tongue gets moving, you know, we love the noise of it, you know. And you miss a different thing, you know. So it's true, I mean, the one panel called Ray and I perfectly agree, you know, that sign language is not in the rules. But then, I mean, you see, you read the ruler, and the ruler of the event, but we don't play that. So if we take that point of view, we don't observe the rules. And I think for us, it's much more dangerous.

[35:42]

Our transgression of the rule is much more dangerous. It's in the timeline. because the sign language can be used in that way, an attempt, you know, to put the rule of sensibility to practice, and to cut out this danger. Now, you know very well, in fact, that the rules, you know, if somebody says, you know, oh, at Marcel we have many rules, but it's just weird of the place not to observe, doesn't it? Now, if you know very well, that is, of course, a misunderstanding, you know, but it comes from the, it's not misunderstood, our general tendency, you know, and it's really this, you know, to solve these problems in the way in which a mature and responsible individual would solve them.

[36:43]

I mean, what we, I think what we feel, I don't know if we are really just or not here as well, but what we feel, you know, is that it means like a sign language, you know, is a little, you know, on the side, a little on the side. that it really supposes, but maybe rightly so, that monks are really immature, if that were to happen. But I don't think that they're, I mean, there's certainly in no way the intention of those who have established this question of the timeline. But realistically, their experience is, you know, that in that way, many things are avoided. And that certainly the general atmosphere of the monastery, you know, in that way of recollection is being kept.

[37:49]

So, I mean, that's the thing. I would, of course, always have the tendency that we should talk these problems as mature things. not by external things. Of course, you know very well, too, that we agree in that way with the tradition of the Black Benedict, you know, that we don't want the individual to live the community life, let us say, as a kind of a phallic style. We don't want that. But we want the community life lived in such a way that really also paternal challenges, you know, can be reduced. Now, it's our attitude, we don't want these curses to bear it, but even I love this in this moment, but it's our attitude that we don't want, you know, a silent wake

[38:57]

built a wall and which leads these individuals, supposed to lead a community path, leads these individuals constantly along this path. And therefore the only possibility that the outlet of these individuals is contact with the average wall, with the normal path, or something like that. But we want, in that way, we want also a contact, you know, from one to the other, this mutual obedience of which St. Benedict speaks, you know, and you do. And that is one of the reasons why we have appointed time in which we meet, recreation. in which we made an interesting connection with the talk, because there has been shown by the, I mean, for our position, it has been shown in the development of the sanctuary that recreation is a very useful means of promoting paternity.

[40:09]

provided that that recreation is conducted, you know, and not say conducted, but I mean, what we say, celebrated in the right way. And of course, for that way, the right way of celebrating recreation is, there are many rules, some rules for that too, you know. I think that we would be good, you know, for us to keep some use this retreat, you know, just to check up on that, to speak, you know, that. For example, one thing a recreation is, that recreation is marked, you know, it's clearly marked, externally marked as a, um, as a clear, how do you say, uh, boundary, you know, Or could we say that? We are bound.

[41:10]

For example, that it is always, I think it's the same, it's the land congregation, the following congregation, that, for example, is not customary, start with that, for example, immediately one comes out of church. While we're already Going to, let us say, we leave, you know, the aura drawing, go over here to St. Peter's, you know, for recreation. It's not the right way. Right after we are out of church, immediately you start talking about it. Not this or that, but the custom is that one is signed and then one gathers at the place of recreation. And then at the point of her creation, then usually it's up to the superior, you know, to greet the others, and then when you greet the others, then the conversations don't start.

[42:14]

I mean, that's the way it's usually practiced, I think, at least in the Barony Foundation, I think in the Solan Foundation, too. I mean, one does not, in a way, feel, you know, have And that recreation again, you see everything in the line of the of the obedience. You know, it's so important. And then also to mark our recreation as a real concept and not as something that simply belongs to everybody who takes it. But as a real gift. To one goal in silence to the place of the creation, There, from Greece, the superior Greeks, the others, you know, as men, will stop, you know. I don't consider it as an ideal recreation of God. They say that, you know, recreation, too, is only the superior who talks. I don't know.

[43:17]

Because recreation is there as a manifestation of paternal challenge. And sometimes the superior may not be good at recreation. See? He's responsible now. If he's not good at recreation, why shouldn't the other enjoy himself? That I don't think, you know. So, but, I mean, certain rules, you know, too, too, of real obedience, supernaturally, you see, politeness, really should be, should be observed. Otherwise, there is, you know, we have always, again, right away, before the superior has even a chance, you know, boom, another one has already, you know, pushed the recreation into a certain direction. People know that's not the right way. Then, too, one should insist in recreation to observe a certain, always a certain mutual respect.

[44:20]

You know, I mean, the You are respecting the teacher. If the father says something or walks and says something, I'm going to have to be a little attentive. So I'm going to have to then to be kinder. You know, it kind of gives the other boy, gives the senior a chance, you know, to say stuff. And in that way, it makes sense. the recreation of real, you know, display of an ordinate character. Caritas bosa. So important. But as I say, that caritas ordinata does not mean that nobody should talk, you know, to superiors. Now you're not at half that high. So then Father Abbott is constantly hammered, you know, and he's usually, you know, did it this way, that's just 50, 50, uh, went into hiding, 50 behind this permanent use, basically.

[45:32]

That's just then. And then you see what we call the lower house, you know. The moment says, you know, another of them, oh, it's all right. And then here and there the newspaper would lower, you see, the filing at the lower house. It's all right. But, of course, something, too, belongs there. I think that's the thing that we should think about, you know, among ourselves, and that is to make here and there. I wouldn't say, you see, that every recreation should be planned beforehand. You know, it would be terrible if sometimes, you know, we... that that isn't possible, but I think one should, you know, make creation a kind of service of reality, you know, and here and there, you know, one may think, you know, for example, something happened during the day, and it really was funny, and everybody now knows what it was their joy, you know.

[46:48]

Now, just keep it in your mind and say, now, oh, I'm going to tell everybody. We don't expect, come to recreation and just expect to be entertained, you know, without ever making a contribution of your own. But in recreation, everybody should think a little and make a little contribution, you know, and do a little, a little, you know, the whole. And that's why, you see, that's been cooperation, you see, in that. And therefore, too, one shouldn't He won't see somebody making a contribution, because then sometimes the reaction of later is, oh, now he's up again, and that kind of thing. And then we want to cut them off, you know. Now, that isn't good either, you know. I mean, there are some people who just have one topic, you know. I mean... And, yeah, they're going to have to say, no, we ordered it, and you think there's something in it, you know, to give them a chance.

[47:52]

Now, many things could be said, you know, in that relate, but they may be too personal. But, yeah, there would be good to, you know, for example, I say, I don't say always, but in that plan of recreation, he didn't make good resolution on that, you know, he kind of, do something really useful. I think, for example, in some places, in which we gave them now, that is, you know, they fit together, and I think it was started here sometime, and then it was stopped again, but for example, to make rosaries for some time, and it had disappeared. That's because, you know, the concept started and it stopped again. I mean, here and there, you know, it gives a certain atmosphere, you know, of the loosening up, you know. If everybody sits there, you see, and just waits, you know, until somebody else talks, you know, that would be a kind of a fit affair, not nice.

[49:02]

And here and there, you see, they're doing something, you see, because they are... it gives, it gives, you know, it gives a certain, um, uh, fullness, you know, to recreation. Or we can all together, you know, uh, for example, uh, take some pictures or slides, you know, here and there, or listen to music. But then one, if one should, I think that is important for recreation too, that That we teach, you know, a certain, a certain way of playing. And that is true, too, for these, uh, little two-hour raids, you know, at St. John's. That we don't, you know, go too much, you know. Sometimes I see at St. John's, you know, people that, you know, you know, having a beer for me, you see, like this, you know. I'm drinking, you see, I don't know. Now, those things are literally, you know, there are certain things that, you know, of monastic attitudes, you know, that should constantly be preserved.

[50:13]

You know, I mean, we can never take vacation, you know, from God that way. We cannot take vacation from monastic life. That's impossible. And that isn't the meaning of being together through our way at St. John's. You know, even then one can always see that immediately, as soon as the limits, you know, are not observed, then immediately the reaction is not that of enjoyment, but that of being disgusted. Everything that is too much, in a way, is immediately disgusted. And that, too, is, for example, in the walks, you know, the walks. Now, the walks are another means, you know, a legitimate means, the long customary and monastic tradition, you see, again, of giving that little forage, you know, of paternal charity.

[51:24]

and given the exercise and given the change that they need for a true and legitimate relaxation. The loosening of many tensions and all that may be done. But then a walk, too, should be used, you know, in the service of that sort of thing. That means a walk, too, which should... This is a compact disc copy of the original wire recording made in January of 1954 by Reverend Father Damasus Windsor. Please note that the original wire recording of this retreat conference ended right here.

[52:30]

This is a copy of conference number eight given by Reverend Father Damasus in January of 1954 to the Mount Savior community on the occasion of their annual retreat. Another note, since the original wire recording was severely damaged many years ago, the beginning portion of conference number eight is missing. Also, of all the conferences that were given in January of 1954, only conference number three and number eight are extant.

[53:22]

@Transcribed_UNK
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