I'll repeat. This is the third day of Sashim. middle day, but I think most of us are pretty used to sashaying, so third day doesn't really mean much. If you're not used to sashaying, middle days, you may feel, well, only two more days to go. But if you think like that, you're not it. You can think like that, but You can think that thought, but if you become attached to it, then you start to suffer.

[01:12]

So be careful. The end of suffering, Buddhadharma is called the end of suffering. Buddha's message is how to end suffering. So, if we want to end suffering, just be it. As Seppo says, what is it? And Ganto answered him, finally, this is it. So today is the third day, and this is it. This is all there is. Maybe tomorrow will be another day, but we don't know for sure.

[02:24]

As we say, The future is just an idea. Because there's a past and a present, we assume that there's such a thing as a future. But there's just a continuous present. But even that's elusive. As the old woman said, Even that's elusive. So all there is to do is just be present.

[03:27]

Situations come and go. As they say, in the blue sky, birds fly, rain falls, the sun shines. But the blue sky is just always the blue sky. Even when it's gray. Even when the blue sky is gray, it's still just the blue sky. Always the blue sky. If you understand this, then nothing can bother you too much. I've been talking about teachers in the lineage of Sekito, Kisan, and we talked about Dao Wu, and Lung Tan, and Da Shan,

[05:16]

Shui Feng and Yen Tu. And Yen Tu's mother. Yen Tu's mother is in that lineage. The old woman, anyway. But no one knows her name. And Shui Feng, or Sepo, his great disciple was Yunnan, or in Japanese, Uman. And Uman is famous for his one-liners, very brief statements to questions, and just brief statements, period.

[06:20]

And he was known as one of the steepest Zen masters just because of his ability and abruptness. I told you a little bit about U Mon before. He was the one who got his leg broken. Remember that story? Uman. His first teacher was very strict and didn't accept everybody. And he used to listen. He'd sit in his room and people would come to doksan and he could listen to hear their footsteps. And he could tell whether they were worth seeing or not by their footsteps, by listening to their footsteps.

[07:23]

Isn't that interesting? Do you listen to your footsteps when you walk? How do we approach things? So he would listen for their footsteps. And if he felt they were worth seeing, then he would open the door when they knocked. But otherwise, he would tell them to go away. And U Mon, when he was very young, came to see him. And the first time he came, the teacher opened the door a little bit and looked out, closed the door.

[08:28]

And the next day he came back. The teacher opened the door a little bit, looked out, closed it, slammed it in his face. And the third day, U Mon came down the hall. And when the teacher opened the door, he pushed it open. And the teacher slammed the door on his leg and broke his leg. And Uman screamed out in pain. And this scream completely enveloped the whole universe. And everything dropped away from Uman. So that was his first big experience in understanding. And later he became enlightened under Shui Feng and received Shui Feng's Dharma transmission.

[09:41]

So, Oum Mon has a lot of, there are a lot of koans in the Blue Cliff Record. And there are two koans, actually, in which Oum Mon talks about light. And I've talked about this before, actually. case that I enjoy talking about, which I've talked about many times. It's called various things. Sometimes it's called Everybody Has His Own Light, and sometimes it's called Uman's Storehouse and Temple Gate. And Engo introduces the case. And he says, Controlling the world, he allows not the least speck of dust to escape.

[10:51]

He cuts off the diluted streams of thought, leaving not a drop behind. If you open your mouth, you are mistaken. If you doubt for a moment, you have missed the way. Tell me, what is the eye that has pierced the barriers? Ah, see the following, and the following is the case, the main subject. U Mon spoke to his assembly and said, everybody has his own light. If he tries to see it, everything is dark. What is everybody's light? Later, answering for himself, he said, the storeroom and temple gate." And then again, he said, it may be better not to say anything, even if it's a good remark.

[12:01]

Now, here, umman is, has two lines, so this is very wordy for umman. the halls and the gate. That's his answer. And then again he says, it may be better not to say anything even if it's a good remark. That's his second statement. And then Sitcho, the compiler of the Blue Cliff Record, says, has a verse. He says, it illuminates itself, absolutely bright, He gives a clue to the secret. Flowers have fallen. Trees give no shade. Who does not see if he looks? Seeing is non-seeing. Non-seeing is seeing. Facing backward on the ox, he rides into the Buddha hall.

[13:06]

So, controlling the world, he allows not the least speck of dust to arise. Control has various meanings. Sometimes it means, in this sense, it can mean to take charge, or to hold fast to things, to make sure everything goes in a certain way. to not leave any space. But a bigger sense of control is without trying to control anything, everything is under control. These are two sides of control. In Zen, you know, the two phrases, holding fast and letting go.

[14:29]

Grasping and granting. And grasping is like tight practice. Cixin is like grasping away. or a way which where everything is taken away and your life is very limited. You live your life in an extremely limited way. A granting way or a letting go is where there are no restrictions, very few restrictions, and you have the opportunity or freedom to just go with things, to create, to mingle without a leash.

[15:42]

But what is true control? How do you control things, really? Is grasping any more in control than granting? So we have two sides. We have the side of restriction and the side of allowing. And when these two sides, when sometimes there's just the granting side, sometimes there's just the restrictive side or the grasping side, and sometimes grasping and granting are at the same time.

[16:46]

when grasping and granting are at the same time, then this is control without controlling. Everything is under control, but there's no sense of controlling. Everything is working perfectly without interference. So sometimes we feel that things are too tight for us, and sometimes we realize that things are too loose for us. But what is just right? And then Engo says, he cuts off the diluted stream of thought, leaving not a drop behind.

[18:01]

This is also referring to grasping way, controlling way. Nothing can get through, all feelings, thoughts, emotion are all left behind. And there's just strict way where nothing can get through. If you open your mouth, you are mistaken. If you doubt for a moment, you have missed the way. If you open your mouth, refers to explaining. It's like now. I have to be careful that I'm not explaining too much. Otherwise, my eyebrows will fall off.

[19:04]

There's a koan about Zui God's eyebrows. At the end of the summer training period, he asked his congregation, have my eyebrows fallen off? Did I talk too much? Did I explain it away? If you open your mouth, you're mistaken. And if you doubt or hesitate, you've missed the way. So, what are you going to do? Tell me, what is the eye that has pierced that barrier? So, U Mon, The main subject is, Uman spoke to his assembly and said, everybody has their own light. If one tries to see it, everything is darkness. What is everybody's light?

[20:09]

Later, answering himself, he said, the halls and the gate. Sometimes it's kitchen pantry in the gate. That's usual, a kitchen pantry in the gate. And then he said, but if it may be better not to say anything even if it's a good remark. This means if you try to explain it then that's what you get. You get an explanation. So, Uman spoke to his assembly and said, everybody has his own light. If he tries to see it, everything is darkness. Own light here means various things.

[21:13]

There are various words, I mean, for own light. One is Buddha nature or suchness, original face. Sometimes people have visions or in Zazen, you know, we see some kind of strange or vivid colors, or vivid lights, and they become very interesting, and we attribute something to them. We think, well, maybe that's God, or maybe that's what my spirit looks like, or maybe it's a ghost, maybe it's something special, some spiritual being.

[22:15]

But this is not what Umbon is talking about. This light has no special characteristics. Sometimes it looks black. Sometimes it takes on, or it expresses itself as all colors. and all shapes and all objects. All objects are an expression of this light. When we try to see it as something, it becomes dim and dark. We can't see it. If we try to see it directly, we can't see it, because it has no special shape or form.

[23:26]

But whatever we see, or touch, or feel, or realize in this world, is that light, ko-myo. In Japanese, ko-myo. And that light is our self, our true nature, and the true nature of everything. But if you try to see it, you can't see it. It becomes dim and dark. So, he says, well, what is everybody's light? And then he answered for himself, he says, the kitchen pantry and the gate, meaning no special place.

[24:29]

No special form or color, but every form and every color and every place is it. Seppo stepped out and he said, what is it? Ganto said, this is it. As human beings, we separate the material from the spiritual. Most religions are talking about the spirit and the flesh or the spiritual and the material. as two entities. And most religions say that the spirit or the person is somehow

[25:48]

separated, separate from spirit or the source. But that separation is due to our understanding, not due to our real nature. we create a division and in that division we lose our sense of who we are. We lose our light. So materialistic way is something that because we're human beings living in a dualistic world. It's something that we have to accept and deal with.

[26:57]

And so, we either become materialistic or spiritual. And we want to feel, we have a need to feel spiritual And we also have a need to be materialistic, to deal with the materialistic world and be part of it. But to bring the two together, or to realize the oneness of the two, is very difficult. So why we practice Zazen and Buddhadharma is because these two are actually not two. We can say in order to bring them together.

[28:05]

That's okay to say we practice Zazen in order to bring the material and spiritual realms as one, to oneness. But it's because of their oneness that we can actually practice Zazen and practice Buddhadharma. So you can see it from either side. You can say, yes, we're practicing Zazen to make a wholeness or oneness out of duality out of the spiritual and material sides. Or you can, looking from the other point of view, you can say because spiritual and material are not separate, we have the opportunity to practice Zazen.

[29:09]

This is a non-dualistic approach to understanding. If we only see it from the point of view of, because if I practice, then I'll bring those two together, that's still dualistic understanding. That's a gaining idea. If I practice, then something will happen. But it's necessary to have the other, the understanding of the other side, Because everything is already one, because spiritual and material side are already one side, I have the opportunity to practice the other. So both understandings are necessary. One is coming from a materialistic side,

[30:19]

And the other point of view is coming from spiritual side. But actually spiritual material are not two sides. But we feel that they are two sides. Because Buddha nature is our nature, we can realize it. But as Dogen Zenji says, unless we stimulate or do something, unless we stir the pot, it doesn't manifest to us. So we call it sometimes seeking, you know, we say way-seeking mind.

[31:31]

Way-seeking mind is the mind that stimulates our Buddha nature. So we say seeking, you know, but seeking is not really seeking something. Seeking is a kind of metaphor for stimulating. Maybe we should say wave-stimulating mind. That might be better, actually, to arouse movement, which arouses awareness. So when we give up or when we practice zazen, letting go of the spiritual and material as two sides, and give up control in the sense of holding fast and letting go at the same time, then

[32:53]

The duality of spiritual and material is expressed as oneness. Sometimes that oneness is expressed as duality. When we sit in Zazen, duality is expressed as oneness. When we arise from our seat and take part in activity, then the oneness expresses itself as duality. But it's always the oneness of the duality and the duality of oneness working together all the time. When we understand this thoroughly, then whatever we're doing expresses our true nature.

[33:59]

That's called self-joyous samadhi. Jinju Yu Zamae. Just enjoying our true nature. It's called so-called living at home, which is no special place. So in Zazen, in Sishin, do you feel at home? Do you feel at home with yourself? Do you feel at home with breath, just breathing, just sitting, just pure existence?

[35:16]

Umon says, when you try to see it, it becomes dim and dark. If we try to see it, it means seeing something as an object. Do you see this light as an object? Do you see your nature as an object? Or do you see yourself as an object? there is the sense of a subject and an object. But actually, when the duality of subject and object disappears, then everything is subject, pure subject, pure subjectivity. And in pure subjectivity, everything

[36:30]

is seen as myself. In other words, everything is seen from this side, from inside, rather than looking at everything from outside. when everything is pure subject, then we make the proper response. So he says, kitchen pantry and the gate.

[37:41]

The kitchen pantry is an expression of my subjectivity. And the gate is an expression of my subjectivity, which is my nature. My nature is the same nature as the gate or the kitchen pantry. But the kitchen pantry is the kitchen pantry. And the Kate is the Kate. And I am me. But not necessarily. So, when we try to see objectively, or to explain objectively, we cut off actual reality.

[38:58]

So, Uman says, it may be better not to say anything at all. Even a good thing may not be the right thing to say. So in Zazen, we don't say anything. You know, we don't talk. Just be it. This is it. Every moment is And every situation is an expression of that light, radiant light.

[40:02]

Sometimes it's translated as Komyo. Sometimes it's translated as divine light, radiant light, spiritual light, whatever. So that's why in this practice, nothing is overlooked. We can find the gem in the bottom of our bowl. If you really look in the bottom of your bowl, you can find it. And in the way you move, you can find it. And in the way we interact, we can find it. And there's no place where we can't find it.

[41:06]

How do we bring together spiritual world and material world, which is not really separate. So without trying to find anything, just doing our ordinary everyday practice, ordinary everyday, It's nothing special. Komyo is nothing special. It's the most wonderful thing in the world, but it's nothing special. How can we bring that to life? How can we realize this? Ummon says, the kitchen pantry and the gate.

[42:37]

He could just as easily have said Shattuck Avenue or Standard Oil. or Wall Street or the woods. And Secho, in his verse, says it illuminates itself absolutely bright. It doesn't need anything. Flowers have fallen, trees give no shade.

[43:39]

It means when in Jinjuyu Samadhi, there is no substantial thing to stand in the way of this light. Flowers have fallen, trees. There are no shadows. No shadows means there's nothing to block it. No matter how much stuff is in the way, there's no shadow. It can't really be stopped. As a matter of fact, it is the shadow. Who does not see if one looks? Seeing is not non-seeing, and non-seeing is seeing.

[44:42]

If you try to look, you can't see it. But if you just do what you have to do, there it is. So the seeing is non-seeing. It's like, ah, Dogen says, practice is enlightenment, enlightenment is practice. But if you try to see the enlightenment, you won't see it. But if you just do the practice, there it is. And you see it, but you don't know you see it. You don't recognize it, because you're trying to see something. This is what it means by subjectivity, complete subjectivity. You can't see it as an object. If you try to see it as an object, it just runs away from you, becomes elusive.

[45:49]

It's like a cat. If you chase a cat, it's just ahead of you. But if you just stop, the cat will come over and sit by you. Facing backwards on the ox, he rides into the Buddha hall. That means with complete freedom, you can do anything you want within limits.

[46:14]

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