And I think that all of us who have had the opportunity, and that's most of us here, to practice in the Zendo, here at Berkeley Zen Center, have encountered Sojin doing that same practice, that same practice that he learned from his teacher, you know, that, and we have had that intimate moment every day where we have met him eye to eye, body to body, bow to bow, and we would step forward into the world, into the wider world, onto the porch and out the gate, and he would make sure that everyone had been met as they were leaving the Zendo. And I think that was, to me, that's really the core teaching, is just to meet everybody,

[01:10]

one by one, one to one, respectfully, immediately, and then to meet the next person, and to meet not only that, but to meet each moment in that same way. Not clinging to the last moment, not desiring for things to be over or for something to go on longer, and I think that he carried on that practice to the best of his ability until the very end. So, a little bit about yesterday, and then you may, you may have some, some questions. I'm just looking at this list here.

[02:13]

Um, so, Liz Horowitz called about 5.30 to say that Sojan had passed away. We were pretty sure that it was imminent, and Liz was there with Mel's cousins, Dave and Linda, and Kika had been there earlier in the day, and he died peacefully. And when I arrived, after a little while, they were already, they were taking care of his body. This is our practice, to, when a person dies, to shave them, to wash their body, and then to dress them as appropriately, as appropriate. So, in the case of Sojan, who was, you know, a deeply respected teacher,

[03:21]

uh, we dressed him in his, uh, his jiban, his kimono, his black kimono, and a nine-jow robe, a beautiful aqua-colored robe. And, uh, um, just to say, it's not so easy to, to dress someone, uh, who is not assisting you with their body in any way, but we did it really gracefully, and it was actually, uh, it felt like a quite a wonderful and intimate opportunity. And then we just sat. And we sat in silence around his body for about an hour and a half,

[04:22]

and I think when we had settled, uh, we did what's called pillow chanting. And pillow chanting can take a number of different forms, but it's basically chanting, uh, there's a few sutras that you, that you might chant. We chanted, uh, the Heart Sutra and the Dai Shindirani, uh, which are both traditional, and, uh, we chanted those together, together, and then sat a bit more. We were fortunate to have a visitation from Akiba Roshi and his assistant, uh, uh, Taiga Ito, and it was, it was very moving, really moving to me to, uh, just to see the,

[05:25]

uh, the intimate connection between Akiba Roshi and, and Sojin. Uh, they knew each other for many years, for, uh, probably more than 30 years, uh, and he's a, to me, he's a, uh, wonderful person. Uh, I remember at Maezumi Roshi's funeral in 95, Eiken Roshi turned to somebody, uh, and about Akiba Roshi, he said, there's a real Zen person. And, uh, I think that that's true. And he's been a friend to all of us. So he was there for a while. And, uh, and then we, we sat, we sat some, and we also spoke, uh, in low tones among ourselves. And it was, it was quite wonderful and intimate.

[06:34]

And we stayed until, uh, people came from Pacific Interment, the, the funeral place where there'll be a cremation ceremony. Um, and they came about 11 o'clock and, uh, we stayed until then and made sure that Liz was okay. And then, then left. And meanwhile, people were here in the Berkley's Endo sitting, uh, and thanks to, uh, everyone who helped make that happen to, to Ross and to Lori and to Raghav and to Judy and to Carol and to Hannah. And I'm not even sure who all was, who all was helping with that, but just to keep the Zendo open,

[07:37]

uh, and a place where people could come for refuge. And so that was last night. And here we are. Uh, tomorrow we'll have Sasheen. And as I said, you're welcome to join Sasheen. Uh, we are in conversation with Pacific Interment and that it's a little, the, the timing of a cremation ceremony is not clear yet. There will be a cremation ceremony with just their protocols allow for just a couple of people to be there. Um, but they have capacity for video. And so we'll, we're going to try to live stream, uh, the cremation and we'll get the word out to when, when that's going to happen. So, uh, people will be able to watch that, but

[08:41]

it's certainly not going to be until later this week, and it might even be the following week there. There's all kinds of complications around COVID. So that's the only other thing I would say is that tributes, condolences, messages have been coming in from really from around the world, from all, all of the, all of the centers of our, of our friends and people who deeply loved and respected Sojourn around the country, from, uh, centers in Europe, centers in Japan, uh, people in India and in Southeast Asia. Uh, there's a lot of just deep respect and it's hard for us to, to kind of take in how wide his influence was because he didn't make anything of it.

[09:49]

And I'm not even sure to what extent he was aware of it fully, but it's, it's really wide. And we were, we've been very, very lucky to have him as our, as our teacher in this, in this very intimate way for all of these years. So I'm going to, I'm going to stop and you may have some, let's, I'm happy to answer some questions if you have some particular questions and then I'll turn it over to Mary to, uh, to facilitate sharing. So if you have questions, please either raise your digital hand or write them in the chat and I'll get them and we'll take a few minutes for that. Okay. These could be practical questions. They could be religious questions

[10:55]

and I can't promise that I know the answers. Uh, I see. Hey, go. You can, can you unmute yourself? You're still muted. Do I have to do? No, you're, you're not muted, but we're not hearing you. Well, let's take a, why don't you try to figure that out on your end and Lois. Now I'm not hearing you either. I'm seeing.

[12:01]

Oh, wait a second. Let me see. Um, I think so. Well, I'm hearing Peter. I just heard Peter Carpenter. No, I think my speakers are fine. Okay. Could someone else speak just to, so we know. I can hear Raghav. I can hear. Okay. I'm seeing, I'm seeing a yellow hand instead of a blue hand. I don't know if that makes any difference. I'm sorry, what? Bika? Now you're muted. You're breaking up. I can hear Lynn.

[13:10]

I hear, I'm not, there's a lot of people on your side. Can't immediately identify who's speaking. This is Mary. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Now, can you hear me? I can. How about Heiko? We're getting an echo. Hozon, isn't it? Oh, the echo. Okay. Um, let's see here. How about now? Can you hear me still? I can hear you. Can you, can you hear me without an echo? I can hear you pretty much without an echo. Yes. Okay. How about this? Can you hear this? I can hear. Who's that? Peter? Yeah. Yes. Oh, good. Okay. So let's go back to Heiko and Lois and see if we can hear that. Okay. Heiko?

[14:26]

No. Nope. I'm not hearing Heiko. And Lois? You can type it. Yeah. Yeah. Type it. And I'll read it. Call with your fingers. Lois, let's try you. Okay. I'm not hearing you all either, Lois. Can you hear me? This is Rihanna. Rihanna, I can hear you. So maybe the people who were signed in before it upgraded, I was one who couldn't get in for the first 100, but now we can join. Maybe like if Heiko leaves, it comes back. I'm wondering if the people who were in in the first 100 somehow got muted. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so. But you guys can, if you sign out and come back in, or you can crawl with your fingers, like Heiko is saying. So I have Heiko's question. Okay. Good. Did Sojin offer any words that you would call his last words?

[15:34]

Not to me. I would ask Jerry and Kika, who actually had, who had some exchanges with him. The last words, the last really, the last conversation that I had with Sojin was, was probably about 10 days or two weeks ago. And to say, he asked, what's going to happen with all my stuff? And he said, Well, you can, you can, you can tell us, or you can tell me what you want to happen with it. But if you don't, we'll figure it out and make sure that there's just to say there's enough of it so that anyone who wants something to remember you by it, it's not a problem. And needless to say, he didn't, he wasn't big on plans. Yeah. So that, that was, but Kika or, or

[16:40]

Jerry? Can't hear Kika, she's talking but not hearing. No sound. Ah, this is very frustrating. I think leaving and coming back in is a good idea that often fixes stuff like that. Oh, so here's what Lois says. I just want to thank everyone. Thank you for keeping us so informed during the process. I felt connected to Sojin and was supported by that. I felt very strengthened by that. I'm very grateful. I needed that. So, gosh, oh, and then Andrea.

[17:41]

Andrea Thatch asked, Did he leave a death poem? My understanding that is that he did not. Kika, can we hear you? Testing Heiko, I left and came back. If you can hear me. Yes, yes. Yes, I heard you leaving and coming back. Oops, I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead. I'm here. I had to leave in order to be heard. Well, maybe there's a teaching there. For me, definitely. So, Mary Mosine asks, What time the memorial service is tomorrow? It will be at 820. Yeah, what? Is that correct? And Mary Beth is putting her thumbs up. Mary Beth can say, Yeah, is that right? 820.

[18:45]

820. Yes. Can anybody hear me now? This is Kika. Yes, now we can. Test one, test two, test three. Yes, I left and came back. So I feel reborn. What I understand, what I understand Sodenroshi's death poem to be is simply three words, appreciation, appreciation, appreciation. And though I didn't talk to him and have something that I would call his final words, I spoke to him about a public dokasan that he gave, in which he talked about death in a unique way. And I can share that with you. It's a short paragraph, if that's appropriate now or later. No, do it now. Okay. He was answering a question. And he says, and if I just can't get through this,

[19:47]

I'll put it in the chat. Okay. I'm able to not hang on to anything. That's my secret. I believed my teacher when he said, don't get caught by anything. I really believed it. And then not only did I believe it, I started acting it out. So that's where I'm at. Don't get caught by anything. I'm able to not dwell on something. The news is what the news is. My anger is what my anger is. That's all. And I try to do what I can to assuage my and everybody's anxieties. I don't have much anxiety. I'm going to die. I'm on my way. What should I do? Worry about it? Everybody does this. Nobody escapes. This happens to every single person that's ever lived. What should I worry about? What is there to worry about? I'm just not that kind of person. This is what I decided when I was young. I just said, I'm going to live my life all the way up to the end. And then when it's time to go, I go. That's part of life. Life is death. So we

[20:52]

experience it every moment. Here we are. Next moment, here we're not. This happens every moment. Thank you. There's a question in the chat about whether the Memorial Service is in the AM or PM, and I believe it's in the AM. It's AM. And yes, Judy asked, it's fine for people to come to the Memorial Service. It's the period, it'll be the period, it'll be before the period of Zazen, before lecture. So yeah, it's fine. Please come. I think we're at the point at which we can segue not only to questions, but also to people's actions and feelings and where you find yourself in this moment. I know that

[21:54]

I found this last day, the last two days, there's a kind of deep stillness that I find myself returning to with waves of other feelings. And I assume that everyone's relationship with Zazen was unique and similar in some ways and different in ways from one another. So please feel free to express whatever aspect of that you wish. And do that with your raised hands or in the chat. Thank you. Heiko?

[23:08]

I have thought about this moment and I really have one thing to say, which is that I'm very, very happy for Sojourn Roshi and for all of us and for his life. And I've always, you know, I was raised religious Catholic and they had these things about heaven and then there was future and past lives. And then there was Sojourn Roshi living this moment, life and death. And I think he was, I'm just so happy that he was able to exemplify it in my eye, in the most human way. And I am just happy, just simply happy. And for him and his family, and for all of us to have met and shared that life and to carry what we can with us. I'm very happy. Thank you.

[24:14]

Thank you. Peter Carpentieri? Thanks, Mary. Thanks for everyone for helping put this together. And likewise, about keeping me informed last night. I received a phone call from Hannah. I really appreciated that. So thank you for the way you took care of me, and I assume everybody else. And, you know, the one thing that I've taken from Sojourn, I've always felt this way. And I even put it on the board this afternoon, that board that people are using to post photos and stuff. And then I read his interview with the Lion's War, and I was struck by the similarity between my, what I took from Sojourn Roshi and what he took from Suzuki Roshi, which I never knew. Which was, the lasting image I have is, especially when I first came to Zen Center, every morning, it was five o'clock on Mondays and 5.30 or 5.40 on the rest of the weekend. Every morning, there he was at the front, doing his bows, walking the zendo, taking his seat.

[25:23]

And I'd never seen that kind of dedication or devotion. And it was exactly the same every morning. There he was, same spot, doing exactly the same thing in the same way. And I was just, that was the one thing that first hit me when I got here, and has stayed with me ever since, that willingness to repeat. And then I read the interview, that was what impressed him about Suzuki Roshi. So it was interesting to me that I had the same experience that he did. And that's the one thing I'll take with me, I think, more than anything, or any of his teachings is, just do it every day, do the same thing. One railway track a thousand miles long, I guess that's what Suzuki Roshi called it. So thanks for letting me share. Thank you. So Rihanna is saying, he said in a talk in January 2018,

[26:41]

if practice is your life, there is no reason for disappointment, no matter what happens. I often find myself returning to this teaching and trying to cultivate even an ounce of this, an ounce of how well he mastered this. And Kabir. Hello, everyone. Thank you, Mary, for the phone call. It's really tough, but it's very easy to get attached to sojourn. All I can do is gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. But also, he always talked about composure. And he also talked about how Zazen is sort of the container of our being or what holds everything. And he sort of taught

[27:47]

me a little lesson last night. So I lit a couple of candles and I had these particular candles, I got from my sister, and they had no outer casing. So towards the end of the night, my wife and I go to the kitchen. She's like, what's all that green stuff all over the kitchen? And it's like, and I looked. And what happened was the candle, it burned and it melted all the things around it and it was just leaking. And it hit me hard. And I'm going, this is what he's talking about. We hold all this precious dharma and all these gifts that we've been given from our teachers, universe and everything else. A lot of times we just cannot contain it. And so we're like leaking all over the place. And it came to me by Zazen and just sitting with all this. That's we built. And one of his talks, or maybe a several of them, he always give an example of a

[28:53]

hot melted metal. And if you take a look at the container that holds that hot melted metal or lava, and he, I'm not saying it exactly what he said, but what I got out of it was that we must become, or we have to be sort of trained to become that container that can hold all of that and also be human. So I'm forever grateful. And I feel so fortunate and as well, my family, that we actually met a living, breathing Buddha in a physical form. Yes, he is not here, but he will never leave our hearts. So for that soon. Thank you. Thank you. There's a question in the chat. Is there a wall, quote wall, in BZ website or

[29:53]

somewhere else where people are leaving their comments? And I believe the answer is yes. And it's called kudos something. And I believe it's on the front page of their website. But if that's not true, Lori, could you describe? Yes. Yes. On the first page of the website, on the front page of the website, there is a little notice about sojourns passing. And towards the bottom of that little check. Oh, yeah. Jeff Taylor just pasted the link into the chat. It's it's really easy to use. It's open for anybody. It's super easy to post. And I really encourage you because what's nice about it, I know we've all sent many cards to the house and to mail. But this way, everybody gets to see what everybody else is saying, which is super nice. And people have posted some really great photos from their own collection.

[30:53]

So it's pretty cool. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Chris Evans. Oh, thank you. So, sojourn. Initially got my attention by way. Mm hmm. Wow. But really anchored my attention and appreciation during a shame. He to my surprise, physically came up behind me and corrected my posture, lower back and chest and chin. And pardon the pun, but I was moved by that. And in our focus on really lean in and you have a question or I have a doubt about something. For me, for my medicine, that to seek truth.

[31:58]

Above all. Now, what he showed me over Dharma study and classes and is to really listen, really listen. Don't hold your hand to cut off or whatnot. Really listen and appreciate the conversation you're having. And I have to say, I enjoyed learning from sojourn in agreement and when we had this agreement very much. So he showed me that truth is important, but kindness is more important, not in replacement of the truth, but how we communicate that. And the essence of that communication is to really pay attention and to listen to all, not the people who are comfortable or the conversation.

[33:01]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Helen. Hi, everyone. Hello. So lately, the teaching that's been often in my head from him is to not treat anything or anyone as an object. So that's that's been with me lately. And also just the exhortation to enjoy your life. I can hear him saying that in Docusan recently, I think. Just enjoy your life. And I'm thinking about him and how much he enjoyed walking his dog and playing the flute. You know, not too many months ago, we were hearing the flute in his office. So those are the moments and the teachings that are with me at the moment.

[34:06]

Thank you. Mary, you've seen this piece from Lynn McMichael. Oh. In the early 70s, a number of us were in the garden and a man went up to say,

[35:12]

I guess that Liz doesn't always join you in sitting Zen. It was very early in the morning and he answered, Oh, yes, she does. She's doing sleeping Zen. She is. I was so touched by how open hearted he was and how he suggested to that man that our flexibility needs to be very broad and encompassing in everything. Mary Mosseen. All right. There are so many things. I'm just going to choose something.

[36:14]

I was thinking about this last night that in small things, my experience of him was that he could be really impatient and kind of cranky. You ever drove with him? I mean, you drove, and if he was ever a passenger in your car, you know what I'm talking about. But I've always been deeply moved and struck by the fact that in big things, he was very patient. He was very patient. And I'll tell you two examples. One is I looked like somebody who would be ordained for years, well, for a while. And people would say to me, Oh, when you be ordained, and I didn't want to talk about it. And my friends decided that they wouldn't talk about what they call the P word. And my friend, Tia, asked him at one point, she told me this afterwards, she asked him,

[37:22]

like, when are you going to ordain Mary? And he said, when she gets ready. She gets ready. And that was my feeling about it. We would talk about it, or it would come up. He'd say, do you want to talk about it? I'd say no. And he'd let it be. And this went on for, I don't know, two years or something like that. And another thing, I asked him, I don't know how long ago this was, because I nagged him for years about giving Alan more of a role. But way back when, I asked him about it one time, and he said that he felt that he should not, that the recognition of the hosan should not come so much from him, as it should

[38:28]

come, he was waiting for it to come also from the sangha. And that he should not be kind of, you know, anointing hosan, instead that he wanted to recognize something that he felt the sangha already saw. And I watched that unfold. And I think, I think he was right. And I think, and I know it did happen. And it was a great lesson to me, because I'm not super patient myself. And that's really important. The other thing I just want to say, on a really immediate personal note, is I just felt today, off and on, though I sort of go about my day, and I'm feeling somewhat numb and sort of stunned. At the same time, deeply sad, but every so often today, I would just feel like I got

[39:32]

socked in the stomach. Sometimes out loud, I just don't. And again, I'm deeply grateful to this practice. It's, I think it's, I know, my experience is, it's a very physical event. And that this is something that's just going to have to work itself out in my body. And I have to, I want to pay attention, but also allow it and not rush it. I, I'm happy to know, I mean, I'm happy to experience how deeply this hits me. And I, I will miss him a long time. I'll always miss him. And remember that we bring him here. He's here. Thank you. There's a question, I think it's for you, Hozon. Is Sogen's body being accompanied,

[40:38]

sat with a few days, as is tradition in some cultures? It's from Lynn Hurwitz. Um, not really. We sat with him, we accompanied, we accompanied his body for, for five or six hours yesterday. And I think we took the lead from his family. And we took the lead from, from all the many funerals and, and occasions that I've sat with, with Sogen, with that I've been with Sogen, when he was officiating. And we decided to let the body go. So, the Orthodox thing in Buddhist tradition would be to sit with the body for three days. But that didn't seem like the practical or sensible thing to do. Nor did I hardly ever see

[41:47]

him do that. I mean, I think they certainly I've been to other, uh, other deaths at Zen Center, and so forth, where they've, where they have done that, but I didn't see him really do that on his own. So we, uh, so we let it go. Thank you. Clay Taylor. We're not hearing you. It might be that you have the same technical problem that other people had. When they had to go out and then come back, we had a technical difficulty. Because you don't look like you're muted. Do you want to try that? And we'll get back to you. Okay. In the meantime, while you're doing that, Stan Dewey.

[42:51]

Oh, Stan, you have the same problem. So you'll go out and come back. We'll wait for you. Bye-bye. May I say something while we're waiting? Yeah, Mary. Mary Mosene asked, said that I noted that I hadn't said who we are. I mean, I think that there were a few of the senior priests who were, who were at Sochin's bedside. Jerry, Andrea, uh, Peter Overton, uh, Kika, who's been working and attending him, uh, and I think that was about it. Liz and Daniel were there, and, and, yeah. But the decisions around, uh, some of these things,

[44:12]

to me, I really felt like I wanted to take the lead from Liz. Uh, partly from my experience, I've been in situations in, in these kind of so-called Zen situations where the, the wife is kind of ignored. And I was really, from the very beginning, I said to Liz and I said to Sochin that, uh, that's not what I wanted to do that. But anyway, uh, the thing I wanted to say, which relates to practice, is just to own that, uh, I think for the first hour or two, when, when I arrived, I was just, as, as Mary was saying, I, I was kind of stunned. And I felt, uh, a tremendous tension in my body. Uh, and it's

[45:21]

something, you know, I've experienced it before, but I, I'm better attuned to it than I had been in years past. And I just sat. And some, and for the first period, just for the first section of time, the sitting was very, very difficult. Uh, everything felt tight. And, uh, I think that because I was feeling anxiety and some fear. And I can't explain that to you, but I'm sure that, uh, it's not unfamiliar to you either. And I just decided that I'm just going to sit there, just going to sit and not move and breathe and really attend to my breathing and to the breathing of everyone in the room. And I, I did that.

[46:22]

And then at some moment, I realized that I was fully relaxed and that this is the gift of our practice. I was so grateful and really grateful. I am right now, just really grateful to Sojin, because I'm not sure I would have learned that on my own without having that example, without having my feet held to the fire. But I just wanted to, to share with you that in our practice, this transformation is immediately accessible. And all of us can find that. We may not find it when we want to, but all of us can find it. Thank you. Um, Clay Taylor, you're back.

[47:28]

Now, how's that? Yeah. Nice. White square in the middle of the screen. Okay. Um, it's really nice to be with you all. I live in Colorado Springs. I've been following Sojin's situation. So I'm thinking of a long time ago in my life, I became disabled by severe back and neck pain. And it was about seven years into my practice, and I was not able to sit up very much anymore. And so this is challenge for Zen practice, which is about upright sitting. And it took several years to work this through. And I still have developed debilitating back and neck pain. But with the encouragements of lots of people, I came back to the Zen Do and I would lay down

[48:39]

during Sazen and also during retreats. But laying down in the Dokusan hut, it wasn't really a great option. Because the first time we tried it, I had to go kind of angled, you know, off like this, and I'm six feet five. So it isn't like I'm a small person. And so we're sitting there trying to do this Dokusan. And at one point, Mel says, Well, next time, why don't we just go for a walk? Because he really enjoyed walking. And, you know, I was kind of gripped about everything in my life at that time, it was just a very difficult time for me. And I just was struggling to practice and not knowing what my life was going to turn out to be. And so we started walking together. And we both had dogs. So he really liked walking his dog back then that was his big colleague dog

[49:46]

who's I can't remember the name of that dog right now. And the locks kind of got longer, we ended up walking in the hills a lot. And you know, the beauty of it, he was teaching me to be adaptable, and teaching me to a few things. Your physical circumstances for me, he was showing me that wasn't really the most important thing. The desire to practice and what was in my heart was the important thing. He could see that pretty easily, quite a bit easier than I could see that. But I also got to sort of witness his subtle teaching and his presence through these walks and conversations, we didn't always have a lot to talk about. But that didn't always seem to matter so much, especially to him. And I wasn't able to hold a lot of the traditional practice

[50:51]

positions because I was living with a lot of pain. So this was kind of his way of helping me and teaching me. And it was very kind. And I didn't understand a lot of it at the time. Look back on it now, it makes a little bit more sense. It was 15 to 20 years ago. But I really look at it with a little bit of gratitude, great deal of gratitude and some disbelief that I had that opportunity to spend the time with him, and that he took the interest in me. And I saw him do that with a lot of people in a lot of different ways. And it was very touching. I just wanted to share that story. Thank you, Gray. There's a question that I would like to put out there

[51:55]

for people to answer if they feel like it after Stan has gone. It's a question from Linda. I would like to hear from others who were there last night about how it was for them if they feel like talking about it. So if you have a chance to think about that, if you want to answer that. But Stan, go ahead. Thank you. Can you hear me now? Yes. Clay, thank you so much for that story. It's very, very moving. You're a Dharma brother, right? You and I got at Jukai together, I believe, many years ago. And I wanted to thank Hosan for the wonderful thing that you wrote in Lion's Roar, the obituary kind of thing. It was very, very moving. And that video of Sojin was just incredible. And his stories about, I mean, I've heard

[53:10]

many of those stories before, but, you know, again, through that now, again, was very, very incredible. What I took away from that is that he just absorbed Suzuki Roshi. He learned from being there with him. And he was, and that's the kind of teachers Suzuki Roshi was. And that is also the way that I got the teachings from Sojin. He was very, just his presence was so important. And I loved working with him on the workdays, you know, he would just, I remember his stories about working with Suzuki Roshi, moving stones and moving big rocks at Tatsahara. And

[54:17]

then I had similar experiences working with Sojin, sanding the Zendo. And one time we were sanding, well, he was sanding the abbot's door, and I was standing next to him on the wall. And it just felt so good to do that. And he was focusing in on what he was doing. And just the way his body moved, it's really moving to me, very wonderful. And I also thank Kika for being there for so long with him, but also for that story, for the Dōkasan that you repeated and put into the chat for us. That's incredible teaching. Learned a lot. Thank you, everybody.

[55:22]

Thank you, Stan. Judith Smith tells us that the name of the dog that Clay was talking about was Bravo. And the video that Stan was referring to is embedded in the obituary article in the Lion's Roar, which was published today. So if you go to that link, then you'll see the video that he was just talking about. Jeff Taylor. Test one, test two. Very good. So there are a couple of things for me. When I first started coming to Zen Center, I sat with Sojin, and I had just been diagnosed with cancer and was going into chemo or was in chemo. And I came to him when I sat in Dōkasan, and I said, I want to come here and I want to drain my cancer cells. And he looked at me, and he took me completely seriously. And he said, we don't do

[56:26]

that. And I said, are you sure? And he said, yes, I'm sure. And I said, do you mind if I hang around anyway? And he said, no, I don't mind at all. And my experience when I first came in, I'm a really verbal person. I mean, that's kind of where I live, is I live with words. And this practice stole my speech. I learned by seeing. And I saw with my ears. And I learned by hearing what I heard with my eyes. And it was from watching Sojin and watching the Sangha together, and feeling that in my bones. And as Suzuki Roshi talks about, walking through the fog and eventually getting wet. And that's the best teaching I think that I've had. That's what I'd tell you today. I can't remember a lot of the words that Sojin used. I was sitting in

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his office with him one time, and I can't even tell you what we were talking about. And he reached up beside his computer. And he had this little small note piece of paper. And he said, I've had this sitting with my computer for two years, and I didn't know I was holding it for you. And what it says is, all things are impermanent. All dharmas are without self. All things are full of suffering within the bliss of nirvana. And we talk about a jewel to be turned. And that thing means something different to me every time I look at it. It never settles, and it never has a final meaning. And this is the nature of practice for me, right? This is what all of you teach me. And this is what all of us together are for me. This infinite jewel, this infinite wisdom, where I keep finding myself reflected in all of you. And so yes, I am grateful to Sojin. It's changed my life completely.

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But I'm also grateful to all of you, because this practice is a we thing. This is a story of we, of who all of us are together. And that means more than you'll ever know to me. I mean, throughout the day today, I've alternated between deep, deep grief, and laughing. And I'm finding Mel everywhere I look, inside of me and outside of me. And it's this gestalt, it's this feeling, it's this picture, it's these words, it's all of these things together. That's who he is for me. And for me, this is the nature of eternal life, right? As we hold him together, and reflect him back and forth between each other, this too is a teaching. And so for all of the gratitude that I carry for him, I want to share that all with you, all of you who have studied with him and heard him and learned something from him. And that you shared that

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with me and allowed me to see it, hear it, taste it, feel it, and experience it. It's indescribable. It is absolutely indescribable. And I thank all of you so much. Thank you. Jeff, Nina would love it if you would put that piece of paper quote in the chat. Great. And Mary Beth writes, a funny story. When I first met Sojin, I thought he was actually Suzuki Roshi. And that's what I called him. And he didn't tell me any different. I felt embarrassed when I learned his real name. But now I don't know, maybe I was still close to being right. So, Patricia McBroom. Yes, thank you very much. Can you hear me? Yes, we can. I exited and came back. What I remember about Sojin was his absolute flexibility in response to challenge.

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I remember sitting, sashaying for five days and meeting in Dōkasan with him. And I said to him at one point, you know, Zen people talk about compassion all the time, but you never talk about love. Why don't you talk about love? And he said, they're the same thing. And then I noticed that at his next lecture, when we went back into the Zendo, he talked about love all the time. And the same thing happened when I challenged him about some other comment he made about how mankind had been at war throughout all evolution. I said, that's not true. And so he just says, well, you should know more about it than I do. He just absolutely was not committed to his beliefs. If you challenged him, he was like, it's like punching a pillow, soft pillow. And he was just charming and lovable in that way.

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Okay. Thank you. Jake. I think you might have the technical problem. Even though you look unmuted, we can't hear you. So the fix for this is to go out and come back. And so we'll wait for you. Okay. In the meantime, Jeff has put the piece in the chat. All things are impermanent.

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All dharmas are without self. All things are full of suffering, within the bliss of nirvana. Okay. There was a question to those who were with Suzuki last night, if there was anything you wanted to say about their experience. I would like to, but maybe I would like to give someone else a chance.

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Peter's hand is raised and then we can come to you. How's that? Go ahead. Yeah, I know you have the same problem that Jake had. You'll need to exit and come back. So Kiko, why don't you go and then we'll wait to find Jake. Okay. It's funny that we all have to exit and then be reborn into the Zoom. Well, when I entered the house yesterday, everyone was there. It was a little intimidating. A lot of dharma transmitted priests there, Hozon, Ryushin, Jerry Oliva, Mary Mosine, Peter Overton. And Sojin was laid flat on his hospital bed. And Sarah Tasker had come from

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Green Gulch and she brought some fresh herbs, rosemary and roses and this beautiful collection of herbs that adorned Sojin's body all around him. And this beautiful halo, colorful halo, that it was just stunning. Such care was taken. And he was wearing the blue, okay, so that Blanche had made for him. I didn't know Aunt Blanche, but I knew this robe and that many people had contributed to it. Many, many people had put stitches in that. It was nice to see that as his clothing. So that was the most startling thing. And Mary Mosine said he looked like a Mexican saint. And it's true, you know, that adornment all around. And I think he might have liked that. I think he might've liked that a lot. So it was an intense and beautiful scene.

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And then Hozon started us with chanting the Heart Sutra. We chanted the Heart Sutra and the Dayi Shindirani. And then we settled in again and just did some Zazen. And then Akiba Roshi came and he did a small ceremony. He chanted the Heart Sutra over Sojin and he was saying a lot of arigato, arigato, arigato into Sojin's ear. And he had a cup with one of the rosemary fronds from the adornment and he kind of blessed us all. And he said a few words to Hozon and then left. I guess that's about all I wanted to say. Great, thank you. So we have several people lined up and I'm aware of the time. I'm thinking that

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we will go through this list, Hozon, with your consultation and then bring things to a close. We have Jake and Peter, Raghav, Gary and Judith. What do you think? Just to say, I think we're, you know, we have Sashin tomorrow. We shouldn't go too long, but there'll be, I think we should also do this again. And I'd like to just make more, because first of all, we're processing our feelings continuously and also there's more for people to say. But let's finish the list you have. Okay, I believe the next person is Jake. Okay, can you hear me? Yeah, we can. Okay, so just a couple quick things. One, I, Hozon could never remember my name. You know, I've been there 10 years.

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He still, I would have my hand up in lecture. He couldn't remember my name. And he would say, oh, I know who you are. I know you. Go ahead. But what's your name? And I can laugh at that now. I asked him once if someone named Jake gave him a hard time sometimes. He said no. The other thing I remember with amusement is that, well, you know, we bow out at the door and it took me forever to eventually realize, oh, you meet his eyes. And that's what it's all about, that he sees you and you see him. And so I would be doing that. And then one time he seemed, he had an irritated look in his eyes. He's not happy with me. So I asked him later, I said, is something, did I do something wrong? He said, no, I have a headache. I said, I don't feel good today. Oh, anyway, wanted to share that. Thanks. Thank you. Oh, Peter, over to you.

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Are you unmuted? Peter? Peter? Okay. Can you hear me now? Thank you. I just wanted to say something about my experience coming over to the house last night. I got a call from Liz and I came over and everyone was there sitting quietly. And I really appreciate what Hozon said about feeling stunned at the enormity of it all. And I've been feeling some grief on and off just, you know, for the last few weeks. But this really hit me when I came into that room. And I thought, this is really, wow, what's this going to be like? It's sort of like, there's always this temptation to do something about it, to understand it, or

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hide from it, or make it go away, or to get buried in it. And I felt like, out of gratitude for Sojon, the thing to do is simply let go of it, be present with it. And, you know, just in recognition of the fact that this is just one experience of grief, there'll be others. I also just want to say quickly, briefly, that one of the things I most appreciate in my relationship with Sojon was the experience of being seen. And it always caught me by surprise. And also, almost always brought me to tears, the fact that I was recognized in some way that I had not allowed myself.

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Just open the door for me. So, anyway, thank you, Sojon. Thank you. Oh, Raga, are you still wanting to say something? Sure. Thank you, Mary. I'll make it quick. I just wanted to share maybe two quick stories with Sojon. One was maybe a year and a half, or something like that, a year and a half ago. I had this dream that he was passing away. And so I was kind of feeling raw about it through the day. And then, you know, in the evening, I said, Sojon, and he was there. He said, Sojon. And then after we finished Sojon, you know, we bowed and we would come out, which is the usual thing, right? When he's putting on his slippers and stuff

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like that. And then I was standing at the end of the steps. And I just put my arms out. And without even missing a beat, you know, he just put his arms out and he gave me a hug. And I remember, like, tumbling, standing next to us. And he was smiling at that exchange. And then I'd been, I'd just been starting to do, train as Doan. And I maybe had done my first Doan thing with Sojon as the priest. And I was all nervous that whole time, you know, when I was doing it. And when we were done with it, and we came out, and, you know, he gave me a hug, you know, I wasn't looking for him, but he gave me a hug, you know.

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That's one. And then the other story is, and this shows a little bit of my hubris. So it's not, it's not great for me, but, you know, shows his better side. So I think we were in Doksan, and I'd been listening to a lot of Pema Chodron. And I was really moved by, you know, how strong a teacher she is, and so on, so forth. And it's like, and I told him something like, you know, you need to do better. And he said something like, yeah, we all need to do better. And then I said, no, you need to do better. And he just, he just stayed quiet. You know, you just cannot let it be. And that, that moment, you know, hit me later, which I saw as his practice, just allowing things to be as it is, and really being masterful about it. So I just wanted to share those two.

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Thank you. And last, Gary. Same thing. It looks like you are not muted, but we are not hearing anything. A question from Judith Smith-Hazan. Can you let us know if there's anything we can do for Liz? Yeah, I think we can, we'll, right now, I think Liz needs space. He needs loving, compassionate space. There's, it's been a very intense month, maybe, or more, with lots of people coming.

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Everybody, you know, wanting to, people wanting to help, people bringing food, people wanting to see Sojin. And she really appreciates her space and her life. And so we can, we can help her do that. And when, when some needs become apparent, hopefully, she will articulate them and we'll be able to, to meet them. It's also really, I mean, if this was another time, I'd say let's buy her a vacation. But, you know, it's, nobody's going anyplace. Remember when we used to go places? So I think we can just give her loving space. Okay, thank you. I would like to give a shout out to our tech team tonight, who did some miraculous

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savings of the day and got us actually to 112 people, I think, at the highest count, which was over the 100 limit that we had. And so thank you very much. Oh, and here's Gary. Go ahead. Can you see me now and hear me? Yeah, I can see you and hear you both. Okay. I just wanted to say that, number one, I'm so grateful that I got to see Sojin. I think it was last week or two weeks ago. And even though he wasn't real communicative, it was wonderful to just be around him and to be able to breathe together. The second thing is, is that I was Sojin director for a long time, maybe five years. And over time, I got really comfortable going to his office. And I just had so much fun. With him. He is a story.

[77:54]

We were in the office, and I was talking about participants and showing them the list of people that are that were participating. And he turned away and I was standing up and he was sitting down and I felt kind of uncomfortable with that. So I kneeled down. And then he turned and he saw my head right next to like his chest and he said, Gee, haven't you gotten small? And he just had this sense of humor. That was just hilarious. So I wanted to share that just as another side to him that everybody's pretty serious, but he was always very comical. And a lot of really weird stuff happened between us. Like one night I was sleeping up in the office. And I, I came down because I had to use the bathroom. And there was a ruckus who blowing

[78:59]

in the air, twisting around. And it was my ruckus. And apparently I'd left it at the bathroom earlier in the evening, and the wind had picked it up and was blowing it. It's another weird thing. Anyway, I just want to leave it at that. It was. But he was. I just wish other people could have had the time to spend with them that I got. So thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Shout out to, as I said, everybody on the tech crew and Carol for keeping this under open today. And Khazan, do you want to say any final words? I think just to say, let's just continue Sojan's practice, the way he wove a life of

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Dharma, a life of Zazen, and a life of complete acceptance. That's, that I think is, is our practice. And I don't, everybody has spoken, I don't really need to say any more. But maybe we could have Lori chant the the Pali refuges to close. And please come to Sashim. And we'll let you know when we're, when these other events are scheduled another gathering and also the cremation ceremony. So thank you on thanks, particularly to the tech crew. There's some mysteries about what happened today, tonight, but we, we got through pretty gracefully. So thank you. So one, just, I have to say, just, this is an incredible community. You know, we're in the middle, and we've been going through something very difficult.

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And we've been doing it with grace and total generosity, and generosity towards each other. And this is also this mysterious gift from Sojan that it's not like he did anything. But just as we see, when he speaks of Suzuki Roshi, that he had this mysterious quality of allowing people to be themselves. This is the mysterious quality that Sojan has transmitted to us. And let's take it in and carry it on.

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