Roots.
Oscar.
Aviv.
Karen.
Here we are in a situation where we have a Dharma talk.
And I'm talking.
And there are some things I actually would like to talk about.
and like to talk about me, and there's some energy to talk about some things, some inspiration, some vitality which is up for speaking.
You see it?
See the speaking?
It's fostered, it's coming from some life.
And could I ask,
Kriya, if she would be willing to move to her left a little bit.
Dan's sitting up real high, so I can see him over the top of your head.
Thank you.
Could you move over a little bit more?
So I can see your face.
Thank you.
And then, as I'm on the verge of talking about these things that I'm interested in talking about, I often remember, Oh, but wait a minute... What about your energy?
So then I thought, Well, where does my energy come from?
My energy comes from...
My spiritual energy comes from my spiritual aspirations.
And I think yours does too.
And then the thought arose in consciousness.
Well, we just recited a bunch of verses about an aspiration of a
13th century Buddhist monk in Japan.
We just recited his aspirational song.
I vow... It actually says I in the original.
I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma.
that upon meeting it, I will renounce worldly affairs and maintain the Buddhadharma.
And that in doing so, the great earth and all living beings will attain the Buddha way.
That's an example of an aspiration.
And I actually share that aspiration.
So, he said it probably in Japanese, and this is an English translation.
His aspiration seems to be like mine.
I share such an aspiration.
I vow to hear the true Dharma.
And I vow, when meeting the true Dharma, I will be able to renounce worldly affairs.
It will be spontaneous.
Worldly affairs means distractions,
from this true Dharma.
And then I'll be able to maintain the Buddha Dharma, or the Buddha Dharma will be maintained, and then all beings will... The whole Earth and all living beings will realize the Buddha way.
That's an example of an aspiration, a wish.
I have such a wish.
That's an example of a prayer.
I have such a prayer.
I pray that I and you will meet the true Dharma and that we together will attain the Buddha way.
Recently I was
So, I have this new practice of telling you the jokes that are coming through my head, some of them.
Especially the ones I laugh out loud at, before you know what they are.
So the joke was, recently someone came to talk to me about this thing, and I thought, how funny it is that this recently just happens over and over again, this recently.
It's very frequent that people come and talk to me about this.
What is it?
It is that people say to me... They say, Why do I have such a hard time doing what I most want to do?
Why do I forget what's most important to me?
People come and see me, and we're starting to talk, and I often check to see,
What's most important to you?
Because they're talking about some problem they're having, and I would like to know what's really important to them, because when we find that out, that will be useful for us to apply to whatever this problem is.
And then we find out what's most important to them, and then we use that to take care of this problem that they brought me.
And then they say, why do I keep forgetting this?
Why do I have to come here to remember what's most important?
And I say... You can probably guess what I say.
What do I say?
You're not guessing.
Be patient.
No, they're asking me why they forget, and I say... It's the nature of things.
What?
It's the nature of things to forget.
It's the nature of things.
I don't say that, but that's true.
I say, I don't know.
I really don't know why we forget what's most important.
You know?
Like we say, oh, that's most important, and then somebody says, boo!
I don't know why we forget, but what I kind of do know is that we have to remember.
We sort of have to remember.
It is the nature of human things that humans seem to need to remember.
Remember what?
What is it we need to remember?
We need to remember what we think is most important.
It's most important to remember what's most important.
Remembering is almost most important.
But it's not just remembering is most important, it's remembering that remembering is most important, and remembering what's most important is most important to remember.
And it's not just that you're retarded,
great Zen masters of the past, they had to remind themselves, like this great Zen master, Ehe Dogen Zenji, he had to say, I vow, I pray, I aspire, I want, he had to say that, he had to write it.
And then he wrote it down and other people copied it.
And now for
800 years, people are remembering what he used to remember.
So, I have some things to talk about.
But the starting point of being able to listen to me is that you are remembering what's most important.
If you remember what's important, what I say may fit into your program.
It depends on what's most important.
If what's most important is to have me not talk, then me talking might not fit in very well.
But actually, it might fit in really well.
I don't know.
What is your aspiration for life?
What's most important in your life, for your life, for your life with everybody else's life?
What's most important?
What's your ultimate concern?
What's your inmost request?
What's your deepest desire?
What is it?
I'm not saying it's easy to find an answer to that, I'm just saying, if we lose contact with that, although we may still be going to meditation halls, or going and trying to take care of our family and children, or take care of our parents or spouse, or take care of our friends, which is all part of what we want to do,
If we lose track of what is most important in the midst of all this caregiving, we're kind of like going through the motions, as they say.
We don't have enthusiasm, and we need enthusiasm for wisdom.
If you want wisdom, for example, you need enthusiasm.
If you want to liberate all these beings you're caring for, not just get them through the day, but liberate them today.
If you want that, you need energy.
You need all your energy.
And you've got a lot.
But if you don't tap into it, you're not operating wholeheartedly.
I'm not operating wholeheartedly.
I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma.
Is that your vow?
Is it my vow?
It is my vow.
Do I remember it?
I need to remember it.
Do I remember it?
I want to remember it.
Do you ever forget it?
Sometimes.
Do I remember it?
Sometimes.
When I remember it?
Am I glad?
Yes.
When I remember it, does energy start coming?
Yes.
When I forget it, what do I do?
I confess and repent.
I say, you know, I'm sorry, I forgot my vow, I forgot my aspiration, I forgot the source of the energy for this life of wholeheartedly working
so that all beings, together with the Great Earth, can attain the Buddha way.
I need to refresh, renew, recreate, re-engage with that energy that comes from that aspiration, that vow.
If you go through a whole day without doing it,
I don't know.
Maybe you can be energetic all day without tapping into this.
I don't know.
I'm not saying you can't.
But I think pretty much if you do tap in, you will realize, after you tap in, that you have more energy than you did before you did.
Maybe you were okay before.
But if you tap into it, and then you fully inflate your spiritual heart,
That's good, now it can go to work.
But still, then again, you have to do it, I don't know how.
And you can wait maybe till the next day, but it would be okay if you do it several times a day.
And it doesn't take that long to renew it, to reaccess it.
You just gotta stop for like, it doesn't take a minute necessarily to say, no, what's most important again?
Remember stillness.
Oh yeah, remember stillness.
Remember stillness.
With my whole body and mind, remember stillness.
And receive it.
And practice it.
And transmit it.
Yeah.
And I just did that.
I mean, I just lived that way, as it was pretty all hearted.
But I had to remember that.
And I had to reconnect with my aspiration.
Our energy comes from our aspiration.
There's other things we're involved in that come from different aspirations.
And those things are kind of unconscious.
Like, for example, the energy to protect yourself when threatened.
You don't have to make a special trip to the aspiration to survive for that energy to come up.
So there's a lot of biological survival mechanisms that have plenty of energy when needed.
But spiritual energy is different.
You have to go to the spiritual aspiration
to refuel.
So the recent example was somebody came to me and he told me basically he's plagued with negative thoughts.
Plagued with negative thoughts about himself and about other people.
He is really plagued with bad negative judgments about his own life,
and the way other people are.
It's really hard on him.
He's a wonderful person who's plagued, who's afflicted by all this negative thoughts.
And so he was plagued and he didn't know what to do with it.
So then we found out, actually, what he wants to do with it.
He wants to be kind
to all that negative thoughts.
He wants to practice compassion.
He wants to be still with it.
He wants to be generous with it.
He wants to be careful of it.
He wants to be patient with it.
He wants to be diligent with it.
He wants to be calm and open with it.
Do you want to be that way with negative thoughts?
I think a lot of you are nodding your heads like you do want to be that way with negative thoughts.
With your own?
With other people's?
Like other people's negative thoughts about themselves?
Other people's negative thoughts about you?
Your negative thoughts about them?
It's not easy when you think a bad thought about somebody, like you think somebody's below average.
It's not necessarily easy for you to open to that and be generous with that.
But don't you want to?
Yeah, well, he did want to, and he's the one who said, why can't I remember this?
And I say, I don't know.
I don't know.
But I do know how to promote the remembering of it.
And the way to promote the remembering of it is by remembering it.
If you go through a whole day and you have not remembered what your aspiration
what your most important thing in your life is, if you've gone through a whole day, I think that was a risky day.
If you got through, great.
If you were energetic and wholehearted about what you did, wonderful.
But a lot of people cannot go a whole day without remembering what's most important and still be fully engaged in their life.
Not to mention several days.
So we start these talks by reciting somebody else's vows, and you check out when you say them if they're yours.
Do you want to hear the true dharma?
Do you want to renounce distractions from the dharma practice, from maintaining it?
Do you want to realize the Buddha way together with Great Earth and all living beings?
Do you want to?
And if you do, do you feel some energy for that?
And if you don't, if you don't feel energy for this project,
We'll then go back and say it again.
And again, and again, and again.
The more you consult your aspiration, the more the energy comes.
Like sometimes I might say to someone, I want to practice compassion.
I really do.
It's most important to me.
Well, are you ready to practice it?
No.
I'm not.
I'm too tired.
Go back and look at it again.
What do you want to do?
Are you too tired for me to ask you a question?
No?
Go ahead, ask me a question.
What's most important?
Compassion.
Are you ready to practice it?
No, I'm too tired.
Can I ask you a question?
Yes.
What's most important?
Compassion.
Are you ready to practice it?
Almost.
Ask me again.
What's most important in your life?
Compassion!
Are you ready to practice it?
Yes!
I'm ready to practice it.
With your negative thoughts?
Yes.
With the most terrible negative thoughts?
Yes.
That's what I want to do, and that's what I want to do, and that's what I want to do, and I'm doing it now.
Practicing compassion with negative thoughts is a good opportunity to get ready to practice with more challenging topics, like reality.
Reality is not really negative thoughts or positive thoughts.
It's kind of a big girl.
But we have plenty... And so we may not be quite ready for that.
So we're warming up to that by dealing with, for example, what's going on in our mind.
Which, even that is quite challenging, right?
So, one of the things I wanted to talk about, which maybe you're ready for now, now that you're in touch with your aspiration.
Are you in touch with your aspiration a little bit?
Yes.
So, one of the things I want to talk about is I was with some senior
practitioners, people who, you know, have been practicing 30, 40 years, and we're talking about something about current events in this world we live in.
And one of my friends said something like,
Maybe sometimes it's good to speak of the faults of others.
And maybe I said, yeah, maybe so.
But for me, it's very rare that I think it's good to speak of the faults of others, for me to do it.
And I observed that there seems to be quite a bit of speaking of the faults of others going on.
To some extent, I feel like, Hey, thanks guys!
You're doing it for me, so I don't have to do it.
But I don't know if the way they're doing it is good.
Speaking of the faults of others,
by the Buddha is to speak of the false in such a way as to promote unity and harmony in the community.
Speaking of the false of others in the Buddha way is not creating division and tribes
If it does, we're not supposed to do it.
We're not supposed to talk in a way that creates division.
Here's another joke.
There's this basketball team that is called the Golden State Warriors.
and they're amazing the whole country by their athletic performance and their spirit.
And it's like, if you praise them, if you speak of how good they are, it doesn't create much division.
Everybody kind of goes, yeah!
Especially boys.
Aren't they great?
Yeah!
It's like any guy on the street would go up to you and say, Go Warriors!
Whatever age or size or color or whatever, you can make friends with everybody by praising those people.
But criticizing them, I don't know, that might... When is talking about somebody's faults
create union and harmony.
When does it make everybody wanna take care of the person and be kind to the person?
Oh, that person's got a fault?
Let's all go help her.
I agree.
Let's go help that person that's got a problem.
And everybody agrees rather than, I'm not gonna help her.
That's stupid, you should hurt her.
So there is a time maybe when talking about somebody's faults might create harmony and make more people care for that person and love that person more, give that person more compassion.
Such talking about shortcomings might be appropriate.
But I don't see very many opportunities to talk about people's shortcomings.
I do see opportunities of talking about people's good points.
For example, I'm glad that people are not being more cruel to each other verbally than they are.
I'm glad people aren't being more disrespectful of each other than they are.
Thanks for being not any more disrespectful than you are to that person.
So I don't really feel... I have to be talking about people's shortcomings.
I feel like what I need to do is I need to remember my aspiration when people are saying really bad things about each other.
So now we're at the phase where one political party is attacking itself, and another political party is attacking itself.
And later we'll have the political parties attacking each other.
And people may say disrespectful things, talk about people's shortcomings.
But are they doing it to create union, to create harmony?
I don't know if that's what they're doing.
Are they successful?
I don't know.
And if I say something positive about somebody, I don't even know if that will create harmony.
But I do try that occasionally.
But I almost never see an opportunity to join in the slander.
Slander is not what we mean by talking about somebody's faults in a way that increases harmony.
Slander is a way of talking that splits, hurts the harmony.
So I don't want to do that.
I want to remember being respectful and being still with the appearance of language which is not respectful of any living being.
So if somebody talks in a way that appears to be not respectful, and then somebody else
speaks disrespectfully about the way they spoke disrespectfully, and on and on.
So I'm not telling you not to talk about other people's shortcomings or faults.
I'm just saying, I almost never can see how to do that in a beneficial way.
If you can, okay.
But I am concerned that people will hurt each other, that people are hurting each other, that people are scaring each other, that people are frightened of the language that's being used.
I am concerned about that.
But I want to be kind to my concern, and kind to those who are concerning me.
That's my vow.
My vow is to practice, to hear the true Dharma, and to take care of it in the world where people seem to be speaking in ways that are at risk, anyway, of creating division in the human and non-human community.
So, I see many furrowed brows, and I would like to be still with all the furrowed brows.
I would like to welcome all the furrowed brows.
And I would like to ask you if you would like to also welcome the furrowed brows, which might be on your face.
Would you like to welcome your furrowed brow, if there happens to be one there?
So I would like to welcome my furrowed brow.
I think some people would like the furrowed brows to go away.
And I would like to welcome the wish that the furrowed brows will go away.
And I also would like to welcome the furrowed brows continually coming.
if they do.
I'm not trying to stop furrowed brows.
If people are speaking disrespectful of other people, maybe every time they do that, brows will furrow.
Brows will furrow.
The ones who are speaking disrespectfully, they may actually have furrowed brows.
I don't know.
I haven't checked, but... Furrowed brows may continue to come.
Can we keep bringing compassion to these concerns we have about the welfare of this country?
And since we are living in the most powerful country, the welfare of this country is the welfare of the whole world.
So we're talking about issues of immense power and immense consequence, and we're talking about
ways of talking about it that may not be helpful, and then ways of responding to that that may not be helpful, and then also ways of responding to the situation that might be helpful.
What are the ways to respond to it that might be helpful?
Probably these are our aspirations.
We aspire to the ways of responding
to this crisis, to these crises, in ways that might be helpful.
Maybe, I don't know, maybe none of us aspire to speak disrespectfully of anybody.
Maybe all of us wish to confess and repent if we speak disrespectfully of anybody.
Maybe we share that aspiration, and share the aspiration to confess and repent if we fail at it.
Do we?
And probably most of us can find some memory of where we did speak disrespectfully of somebody.
There are many other things I would like to discuss with you, but I feel that it may be that what I've already brought up is a big issue that many of you are concerned about.
The issue of the political situation of our country.
And it may be that it's such a big issue, and that we are so challenged to continue our practice of compassion towards everybody.
Compassion towards everybody?
It may be somewhat challenging, right?
Compassion towards somebody who talks like that?
trusting that compassion will be beneficial in the face of that?
No, I do believe in it, but I get distracted.
When that happens, I get distracted.
I forget.
I forget.
I don't refuse to be compassionate to this person.
I just forget about it.
I just forget about it and do something else to this person, or those people.
So, anyway, this is a big issue, and the other things I talk about maybe can wait a little while.
Yes?
I wanted to ask about the difference
Well, between speaking disrespectfully and speaking some kind of truth.
Okay, so let's say somebody is... Let's say my friend, or let's say my friend, or maybe even... How about me?
So, I've been drinking alcohol, and I drank quite a bit.
And now somebody says, would you give me a ride to Mill Valley?
And I say, actually, you know, I'm not really in a good condition to drive right now.
I think I would not be a competent, safe driver right now.
In other words, I'm pointing out my own shortcomings.
Okay?
I'm pointing it to a fault in myself as a driver.
And the way I just said it then,
I didn't feel like I was being disrespectful of myself.
Did I seem like I was being disrespectful?
I felt like I was... Yeah, I was just like... And I'm glad that I'm not so intoxicated that I can't even notice that I'm not capable of driving well.
So I'm happy, kind of happy that I noticed that and that I can... That's the good thing about me, that I'm not going to drive you.
Get somebody else to drive you.
But I saw my shortcomings, and maybe I didn't create division, at least in myself at that time.
Now, what if somebody else is drinking, and they're about to drive a car?
How can I say, Friend, I have a request to make of you.
May I make a request and say, Yes, would you please give me those car keys, and let me drive instead of you?
Can I say that?
I think it's possible to respectfully ask them to give you the keys and to say, I don't want you to drive because you've been drinking.
You're pointing out a shortcoming in their driving ability, and you can do it respectfully.
And also, I say it in such a way that other people who might be hearing me also feel my respect for this person
and don't care less for this person because of me asking to drive for them.
As a matter of fact, they, if possible, even care more for the person and want to protect that person just in their walking.
And also to talk to this person maybe about maybe they've got a problem to get that intoxicated.
So to bring, not just that I care for this person's welfare and
I see a shortcoming in them, in their ability to drive, but the way I talk to them makes other people feel like I value that person, and this is a valuable person who's got a problem, and we want to help that person.
So this is an example of speaking of a shortcoming in a way that promotes compassion, that shows it and promotes it.
That's what I would like to do.
What if that person refuses to give you the keys?
Okay.
So may I... Would you please give me the keys, Jane?
Why?
I got this.
You're fine?
You got it?
Yeah.
You got what?
You got the driving thing?
No.
I can drive.
I can drive.
I'm fine.
I'm not saying you can't drive.
I'm just saying, would you let me drive?
Please.
No?
It's my car.
It's your car.
Could I use my car to drive you home?
Well, then I wouldn't have my car.
Yeah, but just as a favor to me... We can keep going with this.
What did you say?
I said, we can keep going with this.
That's the point.
The point is to keep going.
That's the point.
It's not that I get control of you.
That's not respectful.
It's not like I say, give me my keys and everybody... Okay, hand over your keys, guys.
And everybody gives me their keys.
It's that I see a shortcoming, I respect the person, and I talk to them in a way that they don't... It's possible you won't even talk... I could talk to you about this in a way that you won't even...
It won't be an issue if you're not going to give me my keys, it will be an issue that you're going to punch me in the nose.
Forget about the keys.
Well, we hadn't come that far.
No, but at the beginning, you may feel I talk to you in a disrespectful way.
It's not even an issue of driving a car, it's that you feel me talking down to you.
So immediately, there's division, right off the bat.
But it's possible that I could speak to you in a way and you feel like, you know, he really cares for me.
But I want to drive."
People who you feel they really care for you, they ask for something from you, and you don't want to give it.
But you feel they respect you and they care for you.
And even if they would say something like, I think you're not in good shape to drive right now, you're too tired, or you had too much to drink, or you're too sick,
The person might be able to bring the topic up in a way that you feel, well, they're talking to me respectfully, but I don't want to do it.
It's not that everybody who talks to me in a respectful way, I'm under their control.
I still have my agendas.
What if that conversation went on and a third person said, you know, the people on the road are at risk?
Yeah.
we have to take some action because this person is intoxicated, or narcissistic, or something that is making it dangerous for the community.
You can bring in a third person, but we don't need a third person.
Okay, okay.
I'm many people.
Okay, but I'm just wondering... The point is,
The point I'm trying to make, I should say, is start with respect.
A key ingredient in respect is you're not trying to control the person.
So if I ask someone, could I drive?
I don't think you're in good shape to drive for whatever reason.
In other words, I'm criticizing your ability to drive.
And you feel that I respect you.
And feeling respected includes that you don't feel like I'm trying to control you.
And you might test whether I'm trying to control you by disagreeing with me, just to check out to see if I'm trying to control you.
And so it goes on.
It goes on and on.
But you look kind of like...
We're out of touch.
I don't know if we are.
Yeah, we are.
Thank you for noticing that.
I guess I can see situations where what you said to someone respectfully, out of respect, can be taken as you're trying to control me.
Yeah.
So...
that can still engender that sort of response?
Could you hear that?
So, part of being respectful to people, when you speak to them, part of being respectful is don't try to control them into anything, including don't try to control them into not thinking that you're trying to control them.
Because almost any suggestion you make to people
they could say to you, you're being so controlling.
You may feel real respect for the person, and you may feel like, there's no way I can control this person.
I'm just making a suggestion.
I'm just giving a gift.
You can give people a piece of biscuit, and they can say, you're so controlling.
So, anything I do with anybody, they could feel like I'm trying to control them.
And part of respecting people
is being open to them thinking I'm trying to control them.
A lot of people have thought that I was trying to control them in my life.
I need to look at myself.
If I am really ready to give up control, that includes people thinking that I'm trying to control them.
And in fact, I'm not in control of anybody,
And some people do think I'm trying to control them.
But do I think I'm trying to control them?
And this comes back to reality.
This has come back to talking to people about shortcomings, and finding a way to do that, where you're not talking to them, where you actually are looking to see if you're trying to control them.
You're checking yourself out.
And you can also ask them what they think, because sometimes
you might not feel like you're trying to control them, and they might say, I think you are, and then you might realize, you're right, now I see it.
And one of the ways to find out if you're trying to control somebody is to make a suggestion, and then when they don't do what you suggested, to see if you're comfortable with that, and to see if you're ready to go on forever with this conversation that you're constantly trying to give up control of.
and which you never get to control, and you feel more and more enthusiastic as you move forward into the uncontrolled territory.
And when do you start to say, that's enough of this, and then pull back the reins to try to get control again?
It may be the case that you would suggest to someone that they do something, and you're not trying to control them.
you really have arrived at that level of enlightenment, that you relate to people as acts of generosity without trying to control them.
That may happen someday.
And then they may do what you suggested they not do.
And they go ahead and do it, and it may be very unfortunate what happens.
And then, here's the story, in the midst of doing it and or the consequences, they remember the light
that was transmitted to them from the stillness of not trying to control them, and they wake up.
It's too bad that they had to crash the car to wake up, but the transmission was the transmission of, I respect you, and I have a concern about your ability to drive, and I'm not trying to control you, I'm just giving you a gift, I don't expect you to not drive,
I don't expect you.
I don't expect anything.
I'm just giving you gifts.
And I'm going to keep giving you gifts, because you keep giving me gifts.
And one of the gifts you give me is to do something other than what I suggested.
And I really feel that way, and you can feel that I feel that way.
You can feel like I will never abandon you, no matter how long you disregard my suggestions.
I will just keep giving them to you and receiving them from you.
That's the light
That's the Dharma that I want to hear and transmit.
But it comes down to, in some cases, seeing a shortcoming and feeling like it would be helpful to mention it.
Because, you know, you don't know the person knows that they are not in good shape to drive, so you give them that gift, because you think it might be helpful.
And maybe it helps in the form of them giving you the key,
and maybe it helps in the form of them waking up after they do not accept it, to what was given to them.
You weren't just giving advice about driving, you were giving the Dharma.
Okay, so there were a bunch of other hands.
Charlie?
I think Karen was before me.
Karen?
And Justin?
Yes.
Well, in that kind of conversation, something that happens in my mind is that I start to think that my view of the situation is better than yours.
Yeah, that's disrespectful.
So if you think... See, that's my situation.
When can I see a shortcoming and not think I'm better than the other person?
It's possible.
But if I see you have a shortcoming, like if I think you're not a... What do you call it?
You're not a capable driver right now, because you don't have a driver's license, you're 12 years old, you're sick, you're drunk, whatever.
I think you're not a good driver.
I think that.
I can think that without thinking I'm better than you.
Or I can think that and think I'm better than you.
If I think I'm better than you... The joke is, do I ever think I'm better than anyone?
If I think I'm better than you, then my advice to myself is, don't say anything to people.
When you, Rev, think you're better than somebody, don't talk to that person, except tell them that you're ashamed of yourself, because you just had this terrible thought that you were better than them.
You might tell them that.
But don't give them any advice if you think you're better than them.
Generally speaking, don't.
If you see someone's shortcoming and you think you're better than that shortcoming, I would say, work on yourself, quickly, if possible.
Because you are a dangerous person now.
And if you're walking around thinking you're better than somebody, this is a risky situation.
You can hurt people, a lot, by just that thought.
And then some words come out of it.
So, you check out, do I think I'm better than this person who's drinking, vis-a-vis...
Some people here are in recovery from alcoholism.
I don't know if those people who are in recovery, that you can tell me yourself later, I don't know if you think you're better than the people who are still drinking.
I would guess you don't.
I would guess you feel like you're on a par with them.
I would guess.
I am an alcoholic.
I used to be drinking.
Now I'm not, but the people who are drinking, I'm not better than them.
It just said, I'm not drinking, and they are, and I want to help them not.
It's not that I'm better than this person who's drinking.
But maybe I can drive better.
But I'm not better.
And if I think I am, then maybe I'm going to say, Guess what?
I have something to tell you.
I've just discovered that I'm really in bad shape.
Would you come and help me?
I think I'm better than you.
Please help me!
Then the whole driving thing might just evaporate for the time being.
It might be like this person, you know, I'll help you.
You think you're better than me?
Even a drunk can understand that that's ridiculous.
Because somebody thinks they're better than you.
Yeah, so, respect means you don't think you can control people.
You don't think you're better than them.
You don't think you're worse than them, but you can still see that somebody is too young to drive, or whatever.
Yes?
I think you've answered it.
Yes?
The thing that's troubling for me, though, is I might actually make a decision.
Were I to let this person drive, they might actually kill somebody else.
So I might think to myself, there's no way in hell that person can drive, and then say to them, would you mind if I could have the key?
You might think, there's no way in hell this person can drive.
You might think that thought.
And I'm not letting them drive.
And I'm not going to let you drive.
No.
OK, so you have such thoughts can arise in your mind.
Right.
Is that controlling?
Well, so far, it's just a thought.
Yeah.
The thought is, they're not going to drive.
I'm going to stop them from driving.
That's the thought.
Now, as soon as possible, let's bring compassion to that thought.
Let's be still with that thought.
That's a thought that's calling for compassion.
Is there compassion responding to it?
If you have a thought like, yes, go ahead and drive.
Or if you have a thought, you cannot drive.
Either one of those thoughts.
I'm saying, we have thoughts like this all day long.
Yes, you can drive.
No, you can't drive.
I'm saying, those are thoughts.
What's the practice?
The practice is to bring compassion to those thoughts.
If I have a thought like, yes, you can drive, you're a capable driver, here's the keys.
Did I just miss the chance to practice at that time?
Yes or no?
Possibly yes.
Possibly yes.
But if I have this thought like, oh, this is a good driver, and I remember stillness, now I'm practicing with my thinking, this person can drive.
The same with this person cannot drive.
The point is, our mind is generating these thoughts like,
You cannot drive.
There's no way in hell you can drive.
Yes, you can drive.
Thoughts like this are going on in your mind all the time.
What I'm talking about is addressing those thoughts with compassion, with the practice.
Not wait until your thoughts stop and then start practicing, because the thoughts are coming.
Judgments of people are coming.
Judgments of people are being cruel to each other are arising in my mind.
And I'm not criticizing those people right off.
I'm trying to continue to be compassionate towards my thoughts of those people's cruelty towards each other, or those people's shortcomings.
So in that interaction with the person for you, could you envision that they would actually drive?
That might happen.
They might drive.
And they might get in an accident.
And hurt someone else.
That might happen.
Yes.
In fact, that happens a lot.
People are driving and hurting each other.
I'm not in control of the universe, and neither is Buddha.
What's Buddha doing with all this tragedy?
Buddha's transmitting the Dharma.
Yes.
I'd just like to fill out the possibility that it might be possible to be respectful and compassionate, and have stillness,
take the keys and risk the anger, and the person might or might not thank you the next morning.
But that could be a reasonable thing to do in this practice.
You might take the keys from a compassionate place, from a non-manipulating place, from a non-controlling place.
And keep that sense of total devotion and connection to the person.
And keep the sense of total devotion and connection to the person.
And the person might get angry at you,
pull the keys from your hand, get in the car, and go drive and kill themselves.
Because you're not in control.
You reach for the keys and you take them, but then they just take them back from you.
Because you're not in control.
And it's not because you're weaker.
Maybe it is.
Maybe they're stronger than you, so they just take them back.
And also, you might be able to maintain all the things you said while they take the keys back.
And then you might take them back from them again.
But you're taking them not to control.
The taking is coming from giving up control.
You can give up control and still move your arms.
My arms are not being moved.
I'm not in control of these arms.
I'm not trying to control these arms.
I'm not trying to keep them moving.
Now they're not moving.
I said they're not moving, and this hand moved.
I'm not in control of these hands.
The way they move, I'm not in control of.
They can reach out and take keys, and swallow them.
I'm not in control.
And since I'm not in control, I remind myself of that, because I need to train myself into the reality that I'm not in control.
And not being in control, it's possible that I would take the keys,
and throw them in the lake.
So there'd be no more struggling over the keys.
I would just have to maybe be not controlling with what the person does in response to them.
Actions will arise when we try to control.
Actions arise.
When we give up trying to control, actions arise.
Either way, actions arise.
trying to control ourselves or others is a kind of v-i-o-l-e-n-c-e.
It is a kind of disrespect.
It is a kind of degrading of life.
And if people are trying to control, trying to control them to stop controlling is the same thing.
So we have this situation of our world, and giving up, trying to control, goes along with respecting people.
I don't know who's first, but I'll call on you.
Okay.
So, let me check this.
So, I've tried, and continue to try, to give up attempts to control.
And somewhat in place of that, and not always... not in the same way, but when I have that urge, instead I consider trying to influence.
situation with zero expectation that I'm in control of it, but with acknowledgement that my actions have an effect, and that whatever action I take, or non-action, will have some influence on the situation I'm involved in.
And so, if I feel the urge to control somebody or something, instead I consider
What will be the influence of my action?
Does that sound harmonious to you?
That does... Well, the awareness that everything you do has consequence sounds harmonious with respecting the situation.
And, yeah, so... I'm talking to you now?
My words can be offered to you as gifts.
My words have consequence.
And I can also be somewhat aware, simultaneously, whether I'm speaking to you in a way to control you.
Do I want to influence you?
Do I want my words to be conducive to and contribute to your peace and happiness?
I do want that.
Do I want to influence your peace and happiness?
I guess I do want to contribute to it.
Is it influencing it?
I guess I could say, okay, influencing it.
Am I controlling your peace and happiness?
Certainly not.
If I could control peace and happiness,
And I would just go ahead and do it, and you would have it.
But I cannot.
But what I can do is I can express my wish to promote peace and happiness and to show how I respond to people who tell me that they're not at peace and not happy.
So, as I said before I started, people come and say, I'm not at peace, I'm not happy, I'm afflicted.
And, okay, then we go, what's most important?
And then we go there, and then we come from there back to deal with the affliction.
But I can't control them to do the practice which they actually believe will be helpful, a helpful way to address the affliction.
I cannot control them, however,
in the conversation sometimes, although not in control of them, sometimes they do start doing the practice.
They do remember what their aspiration is, they feel energy for it, they start to practice it right there, and we both know, or we all know, and they sometimes even mention, what am I going to do when I walk out of the room?
And I say, I don't know.
I'm inspired to do the practice talking to you, and you seem to be inspired to do the practice talking to me.
So I started this conversation because a friend of mine said, maybe sometimes it's good to speak of other people's faults.
I'm open to that possibility, but when I talked about it, we ran into quite a bit of problems.
I think you're not good at driving right now.
How do you bring that up in a helpful way?
It can be quite difficult.
Is it possible?
Sometimes it is.
How is it possible?
Practice makes it possible.
Yes, and yes, and yes.
I would like you to speak a little bit more about
Not disrespect, but rather distrust.
Because I feel like when there's distrust between two people, or elements, whatever it is, when distrust is not there, then all kinds of stuff is happening due to the distrust.
Okay, so you'd like me to talk about distrust and disrespect, and the relationship there.
More of a distrust.
Yes, distrust.
So... And did you have your hand raised, Walker?
And you had your hand raised?
And somebody up there had their hand raised?
And you had your hand raised?
So, I feel like... Can you remember what you want?
I can remember what you... Can you remember what you want to talk about?
Can you remember what you want to talk about?
Who else was there?
Johnny, can you remember?
You have to leave?
Where are you going?
I thought I missed his flight.
When are you leaving?
Four?
Okay.
Well, since she's leaving at four, I'll call on her, and the other people I'll address in the next session, okay?
Do you remember all your questions?
I assume that the other questions are as good as homeless.
Yes, Jane?
Thank you.
I appreciate the whole conversation.
I appreciate, particularly in terms of the personal... Because most of what you've been talking about today was a one-on-one situation.
And yet you started the conversation about the political.
And what comes up for me is, is it possible to have compassion for someone and not respect them?
Particularly someone with talent?
No.
Well, I shouldn't say it's impossible.
I can... For me, compassion is... totally embraces respect.
Can you respect some... Yeah, totally embraces respect.
Compassion does not mean you like what the person's doing.
If somebody's being cruel, you don't like it,
Can you respect it?
Can you respect a disease?
Can you respect a disease?
I stretched the word respect to a funny definition.
Some people devote their whole life to studying a disease.
It's like the main thing they're interested in, in their life.
They put all their energy into studying this disease, to looking at it, respect, looking at it, respecting it, respecting it.
They think this is really an important thing.
They devote their life to helping people deal with this disease.
It's respect.
It's compassion.
But can you respect cruelty?
Are you supposed to respect cruelty?
Who can untie the bell strings from the tiger's neck?
Who?
You don't know the answer?
The one who tied them.
The tiger didn't put the bell strings on.
Somebody tied those bell strings.
The person who tied them on can untie them.
The person who respects cruelty can liberate beings from cruelty.
The people who disrespect cruelty are being somewhat cruel.
And the cruelty grows on disrespect.
If you're feeling cruel and people disrespect you, you feel more cruel.
Not less cruel, you feel more cruel.
You feel even self... You feel even justified.
But if somebody comes up to you and relates to you with respect and kindness, it sometimes evaporates the cruelty like that.
Like that story I tell about the big guy who got on the trolley, you know, and was threatening everybody on the trolley.
And my friend was on the trolley with him, sitting in the back.
My friend's a martial artist.
And he said, when that guy gets here, I'm going to show him.
But he was scaring everybody on the trolley.
He hadn't yet attacked anybody, but he's on the verge.
He was being cruel to everybody without hitting them.
And any moment, he was going to hit somebody.
And the trolley stopped, and an old man got on.
And said, oh, what's the matter, sweetheart?
The old man didn't respect this cruelty, didn't disrespect him.
He respected him.
He saw his suffering and he gave him love and that ended the suffering and cruelty.
Cruelty can be ended with compassion.
That's the theory.
That's what brings peace, is compassion.
Not cruelty and disrespect for George Cruelty.
These conversations which I'm seeing and hearing, people are being disrespectful to each other and cruel to each other, and other people are being cruel back.
And the question is, will the people see that the people who are less cruel in response to the cruelty, that they're the best bet?
To the people who are least degrading of other people, we would like leaders who do not degrade people.
and stand up to them without degrading, what we're afraid of is that the most degrading person will be chosen as a leader.
And we've seen examples of the most degrading people tapping into the hatred of the population, and the most degrading, the champions of degrading and disrespect becomes a leader.
We're afraid of that, aren't we?
And I'm saying, can we be compassionate towards degrading speech?
Darling little children sometimes speak degradingly.
Have you ever seen them?
Does speaking degrading to them help them get over that?
No.
It just shows them how to do it again, in a more adult fashion, which they can use later.
For now,
Who can be kind to the child who's being degrading to his parents, to his grandparents, to his brothers and sisters?
Who can teach him compassion?
Will they learn like that?
Probably not.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes they immediately wake up when someone shows them compassion and respect.
So, if you can wait for the other questions until next session, and between now and then, check out what you really want in life, and get some energy for that, and then we'll come and play with that this afternoon.
Some more.
Yes?
Are we going to have a work period?
I don't think we're going to have a work period.
I think it's a little too windy and wet.
I just wanted to confirm that.
Thank you.
I just wanted to confirm that.
Yeah, I think... Is that okay?
Yes.
We don't have a work period?
Yes.
Charlie, can you accept that?
By the way, if you would like to have a work period, and you do some work, you can do it.
As long as you're not...
dropping cement on people's heads while they're sitting.
May our intention equally extend to every being and place, with the true merit of Buddha's way.
Beings are numberless,
I vow to save them.
Delusions are inexhaustible.
I vow to end them.
Dharma gates are boundless.
I vow to enter them.
Buddha's way is unsurpassable.