We have good afternoon, maybe I should say, good after meditation. Good after Zaz. Okay. We have this phrase of Dogen to locate yourself, place yourself in the midst of immediacy. And consider this the entire universe. And Volker said something similar a while ago. So what I would like to suggest and what I would like us to do now is have some discussion.

[01:06]

And so I think we... It's easy to have a... I think it's not difficult to have a concept of immediacy. Yuan Wu says, locate yourself where there's no here or nor there or past or future. Can we be present in a way that there's no other way here? Or we're not imagining ourselves with a future or a past. That would be a practice of amiz and a practice of samadhi and equanimity.

[02:12]

They're different words for different aspects of the same experience. Das sind unterschiedliche Worte, unterschiedliche Aspekte von derselben Erfahrung. So what I'm asking is suggesting that you see if we can discuss. Und was ich hier vorschlage, um zu schauen, ob wir das diskutieren können. And since Nicole can do simultaneous translation, I can participate, listen into the discussion. And learn something from the Sangha. How do you approach immediacy? And I suggested also earlier today that you could practice locating yourself, finding yourself balanced and immediacy.

[03:29]

Through spine-mind-centration or calm Durch Wirbelsäulen, Geist, Zentrierung oder eine Rückgratgeistsäule. Or through the two phrases, either of the two phrases. Oder durch einen dieser beiden Sätze. No other where. Or nowhere else but here. Now I think we can call these advanced teachings, advanced practices. But we can also call them basic teachings or basic practices. Because they're assumed to be conditions for any realized practice. And that's what we all know.

[04:43]

That realized practice is possible for us. Okay, so I pull the big lever and the merry-go-round starts and you turn toward each other. So now I'm going to put this big fence around and then the carousel turns and we all turn together. You're not going to get on up there. Whatever you do, you do it the way we like. Shoot. Because I have no idea. You have what? You have me? I just asked the boy. Yeah, sure. Do you think if you're going to get the tapes, do you think if you're going to get later the audio version of this, the recorded version, you'd like to be able to hear your own comments?

[06:05]

Or you'd like to be able to hear everyone on the planet to hear your comments until the electronic world deteriorates. And do you want everyone on the planet to be able to hear your comments as long as the electronic age exists? If that's the case, one of these machines can go into the middle. If that's the case, one of these machines can go into the middle. What do you say? Definitely. Say goodbye if you don't want to. Just say goodbye. And if that's inhibiting, just real destroy it.

[07:14]

On the mark, get set, go. I find this to be a very complex and multi-layered and subtle practice. I spontaneously fall into a position where I sit down and try to organize myself precisely. in the automatic, in the content of the thinking, yes, to attach to it, to underline it.

[08:22]

Then many of them helped me in any case sometimes to say, to connect with the breathing of the mind and to say, exactly now, here and then, or exactly so it is. And then I have the feeling that many other practices are falling into it. They don't turn out like that. Then I realize, then thoughts come, then I'm back in it, and then I can say, that's exactly how it is now. And then I have the feeling that with such words that I take for myself, it can become quieter. Yes, then it comes to me to get into silence.

[09:25]

I think that now, for example, at the end of this seminar, after the lectures, after the sitting, it's more like that alone. Or at the end of the session, I also have the feeling that I can be in peace and silence for longer, or now. In any case, these specific words or sentences help me and whenever I connect them with attitude and breathing. I feel overwhelmed by these words that the ingredients are not just there. I have noticed that I still unconsciously think that everything is somehow there.

[10:36]

Maybe something will show up or merge. And that hit me that I had the feeling that everything wants to be constructed somehow. and that it is somehow a bit like the rest of a child's belief, it will somehow show itself or rise up, like intuition, we just have to wait somehow. This is such a strange contradiction. I am used to work somehow, but this is somehow a different thing. I think it's more of a duty or a responsibility that I feel is coming towards me and which is not so pleasant for me at first.

[11:40]

Maybe part of the answer to what you said. One of the reasons why I have to remember, let's say in everyday life, is to get back to the attention on the breath that the body directs, because I always forget that, because I'm somewhere else with my head. and for example also an instruction on how not to add anything. When I first heard her, she spoke to me a lot and practicing with her made it clear to me how fast and how much I always add to what is there in the immediate, what I encounter or what hits me, a comment, a comparison, a thought, whether I already know it or want it or not, or whatever.

[13:03]

almost never just let something be there and perceive it as it is, but most of the time I always add something to my head. so I don't construct anything, but stuff that I automatically add and then try to stop it somehow, so that it doesn't come with it. And that's why by making space that adds nothing, I can feel more about this naked fact of what is actually there and not because I threw everything on it. We all seem to be inclined to actively go outside and manipulate ourselves. That is both in our tree environment and in our spiritual environment.

[14:14]

I have always found this contact with the immutability in the moment when I have achieved this. and simply no longer have this desire to manipulate too much or to use too much, and simply just highlight this passivity and maybe let it grow and let everything go. At the moment when this passivity is growing, it creates a kind of bulge, it pushes everything to manipulate our activity, pushes it to the side and then opens a new room. Maybe that's the reason why I don't do this activity anymore.

[15:15]

that we always have, just lean back and let it sink together and stop. But I think there is such a component to it, so to speak, I am not allowed to be passive with too much will, but for me it is an important aspect, as if I am not so relaxed in it, Yes, exactly. Then there is too much energy and power again. Yes, exactly. Then there is too much energy and power again. Yes, exactly. Then there is too much energy and power again. [...] Then there Only when I decide to become aware of it, I can do it. Unless it happens by chance.

[16:22]

Yes, sometimes it happens by chance. Or you are in a situation where it comes together. In the moment when I try to feel you actively, then I have to open my loops, my sides, then I try to feel you. That doesn't happen from the bottom of my heart. Then I can let go of it, but not beforehand. Yes, it has to be so cool that I want it. I don't know, I read it yesterday, I don't know if what the donor said comes to my mind, if he meant the same thing. Maybe because it's a term that I haven't heard much about yet. Because that's something between doing or not doing.

[17:23]

For me, that has a lot to do with dedication. And to say something to him, that is, I can't do that now. I don't do that. Or the other way around. I can remember a situation when I was listening to my Sufi teacher, Dr. Roshi, and suddenly there was something there that I understood, although I did not understand a word, and that also had an effect, like when I am in love, where I do not think that I am doing this or that, so that it happens, that has something to do with possibility, I can start a lot with the topic of the ring. and it actually helps me a lot with this between-doing and not-doing, this letting myself go, or relaxing, or maybe even ringing, which is more active, that physical correspondences come into play, that we are entrusted with such a feeling, for example, that I have with these relegations.

[18:56]

When I lift my hands over my head, when I come down and lift my hands, it is this feeling that I can follow if I let myself be called into this state. What did you say? Let yourself be called into this state? Yes, when I save a feeling, that I have learned a certain quality first, for example yin or yang, or so on, that I am either active or passive. that I have this feeling somewhere and then when I want it, it is also so active that I can be called from there. I think it's beautiful.

[20:17]

In all of the lectures, we have mentioned that the difference between two points is activity and passivity, and that one can learn the other. What I have heard from all of you is that there is a tension between the passive and the present. In the Greek language, for example, there is an expression for the middle mode. A personal experience, the image, the memory, the passive and the active. Or this form of permission, going, is also something like that. Then it has developed its own name. Yes, first you need to get a little bit of attention, get a little bit of running, and then you live in the next active partner.

[21:28]

You are still active. I'm curious, because that's exactly what you were asking. This question would be something else. When we are active, then we sit first, and then we close our eyes. I come back to this story that I actually forgot this morning and that now hangs across my neck because I don't understand it at all. I am also a little annoyed at the storyteller of this story and also at Bodhidharma, who, when he asked this question,

[22:33]

Where are we going? Of course, the answer is not, so to speak, in accordance with the consensus that if you ask such a question, you answer, you go there, there, so a place, a destination. In this respect, the student says something else. But I also think that this question is not in the consensus that they both have. They go for a walk and usually one suspects that they are talking about the same thing, that they are going to Hamburg. Now this is suddenly a metaphysical question. Where are we going? Of course, you can't go anywhere. I remember Roshi's picture of sitting in an airplane and the world flies by a little.

[23:39]

You fly by yourself. I think that's intense. Such a kind of wickedness. Man hat die schöne Unterhaltung und plötzlich... Ja, also natürlich, irgendwo bewegt sich nichts. Aber ich finde es auch ganz schön, einfach das Gefühl zu haben, dass ich mich bewege, dass ich da hingehe und dass ich es bin, der da hingeht. Und nicht nur mein Bewusstsein, Yeah. I was sitting outside in the garden, and that's exactly what moved me with the movement. There is this beautiful choir with the flag that is moving, or is it the bind or is it the flag that is moving, and where it says that it is your spirit that is moving, and in the moment when you sit there and allow that to happen again, when you open up to it and say that it is your spirit that is moving, you have a different presence again, and that is also true.

[24:52]

Yes, yes, sure. And the commentary on it, in my book, was that nothing moves. There is still an external house. I would like to mention the term or the state of disappearance again, because the whole thing that you have also described, with relaxation and so on, has something to do with the disappearance for me. I disappear more and more in what is left over, so to speak, which is not there. But how should I put it? The I-feeling disappears more and more. The feeling that I am doing this, or that you are doing this, or that a person is doing this, is in a way more impersonal, but not only not more un-living, but rather more living and personal.

[25:58]

It's unique, not sensational, but I have to say, I don't find myself like that anymore. Everything else, yes, more and more, and always, and wonderfully disturbing, even with inattention, it also goes away very quickly. I'm back there with all the distractions and all the personal sensations that are possible, but I need a physical anchor for this. I don't have enough of these sayings. All these words have been with me for decades, but they don't have the same effect. I need something to touch, something I can feel. The place I'm sitting on, the back, the breath. When I draw back on it or concentrate on it, I can disappear or dissolve.

[27:06]

It sounds so bombastic, but it's not. It's just that it's getting less and less. But it is the prerequisite that something else arises and happens and unfolds and shows and is further developed. But the disappearance is essential for me. Where does the narrower degree come from? What will be noticed if I am no longer there? This transition is not easy. Yes, it is quite easy, it is again and again natural, there was also what Roshia said, the observer and afterwards the functions of the observer, if they are ideally left, so to speak, then it is more successful. For me it is always physical.

[28:12]

You melt into your cushion and you carry the sky on your head. This is southern and . And I sat there and thought, I'll have to remember that. That's not bad. Actually, it's not from you. Oh, I see. You continue because you said it's from Dogen. No, okay. Wild body. Yeah, yeah. Please translate it. You melt with your pillow, with your cushion, and you carry the sky or the clouds on your head, or your head.

[29:17]

And there was such a immediacy, such a directness, that this is actually a continuous process. And I will always remember that. I say to my students in Böttingen, you can concentrate on that. But I usually say, just try to connect with your body, with the sky. That's a bit difficult. Satsang is exhausting. And when she cooks for me in a discussion afterwards and says, it's exhausting, I say, yes, you've carried heaven on your head. And I remember the first sessions we did in Creston, I also went to Roshi with this sentence.

[30:25]

He said, you do that in the kitchen too. You do it in the kitchen too. You melt with the carrots, you melt with the potatoes, you melt with your work that is there. And that has always helped me, in fact, exactly this aspect of clothing, where we say, we are mayonnaise. I can't imagine, there is a mayonnaise bag. But I can't imagine that there is something that sets me straight. And that is already... in a very, very practical way. And when Koshi is talking about the pillar today, I didn't invent the spine, but I can understand that at that moment I actually invented my spine as this spine. But it was alive, it was moving, it was energy, it filled itself, it learned, it let go. I never thought about it, I just did it and I felt it. And I feel it when I sit on my chair. Nevertheless, of course, the other things still come to us, which we find in the practical world, and which are permanently completely thrown out of this energy.

[31:44]

And to bring that into harmony, of course, is difficult, if you don't have the time to sit down and let go down there and carry the world up there. And yes, that reminds me of something that I didn't want at all. I'm thinking about what I'm hearing here and I have the feeling that this is a single process of searching. As I look at it differently, what you say, I just thought, I've been a searcher my whole life, I always search, permanently, and sometimes I have the feeling of arriving when I sit on the cushion, And I think my practice, and I'm looking for a practice that lasts 24 hours, not just 40 minutes, is actually to be in this search movement.

[32:46]

That's pretty simple. Who am I and where am I? And I still don't have an answer to that. And I think I'm afraid of the answer, because then I would have arrived here. That's a bit like the price question, am I that actually? Also ich weiß auf jeden Fall, dass ich in Bliss ankommen möchte. Das wäre schön. Aber ich habe da so meine Zweifel. Ich glaube, deswegen suche ich immer noch weiter. Und auf dem Kissen zu sitzen ist auch super. Es gibt da so eine Unruhe. Walking in space. [...] Yes, and as long as I can remember.

[34:04]

Oh, and what I wanted to say, what I was also busy with, this melting with bodies, if I understood it correctly, this integration, when I meet someone else, with the elbows of the Japanese, there are stupidly these arms of the Germans that always go up. And I also notice that I have a shyness to go into group processes, where I don't even know who actually decides that for me, whether that's a good thing or not. So who decides at all that I want to be here today? Or what made you decide to be here with you? I can't answer that stupidly. Which process that is or how it came about. Just as little as I know why I wasn't here the last four years. I can't answer that either. Where were you, Ada? I find it difficult to know where I am. Of course, I have my newspaper, Hannover, Berlin and so on. I'm there. I said, I'm coming. Yes, but I find it very reassuring to sit together in this spaceship with you and try to name it.

[35:08]

And then... I would like to come back to the question of Roshi, which I remember so much. How do we get closer to the immeasurable? With the emphasis on closer. And I often experience that I go somewhere, and perceive that I, we all know that, with my thoughts, am there where I came from or where I want to go. And then comes such an impulse, and that is of course the question, does this impulse come, it is physical, which allows me to stay within,

[36:15]

Then comes a sentence, meaningfully, when I hold your inner and I really stand in my movement, that is the life you are currently living. And it is not a life that in the future, but it is the life that you are living right now. This is, so to speak, the peak of what I have done so far, culminated in this, yes, now this is the life that you are living. And this is a practice that is very physical and happens to me several times a day, I have to say, it happens to me, because this impulse to hold in is always physical, I don't have to think about it. And from that interesting processes arose, namely after questions like, is it the life I want to live?

[37:30]

And then to realize, I could intervene. and I can intervene and make it into my life, which always says my life. But I could make it into a life where I could rather say, yes, this is the life which is my life, which I would like to live, which would like to be lived by me. And it is a a very, very physical process that takes place. And since then I feel very little as a victim. I feel very much like a criminal in the best sense of the word. Someone who In a good sense, the direction is always corrected.

[38:40]

And I experience this as the immediate closeness. And in the end, whether I arrive or not, I approach myself. I sometimes find myself bored and sleepy. And I think that helped me a lot. And the long time I listened to your lectures, I always got a lot of sleep. I always fell asleep more or less. And lately I've noticed that, let's say, I fall asleep less and the more my body gets tired, the more I felt that everything was fine.

[39:52]

And I also notice in such personal processes in life, so when I have important encounters with someone, that my body becomes very tired, that I come into such a situation that my whole body reacts. And that is something that I appreciate very much in the meantime. And in response to what was said here, I always find that we should not I find that everything is there, that I don't have to do anything. And at the same time, as Gerhard said, a presence develops, where I have the feeling that the presence in the area where I live and work, where I have individual functions, that through the presence a change takes place outward.

[40:55]

And that I want to have a change in my life, that I actually have to look at how I change my attitude or my presence. And today in this seminar I notice that in the very tired, physically tired, the whole time I am actually very awake. And actually I always have the feeling that it's very easy for me. If I don't have the feeling, it's not easy. I find it very interesting that Gerald said, how do we approach the immeasurability? And I would express it like this, how does the approach to the immeasurability happen?

[41:58]

I haven't had this active moment yet. For me, this is a phenomenon that I am amazed by, although I know that there is a certain activity that I have to bring into it. There are situations in my life where a lot of immeasurability happens, and I should say that I can't do anything about it. That was a long, long time ago for me. And Roshi once told me, open up for this immeasurability.

[43:05]

It was a turning point of something happening, that I could actively open myself. And then I asked myself, how can I turn it around, that what happens to me, from me actively, also in my life, that I look at it actively maybe. Yes, and then I actually started looking for myself first.

[44:13]

I've tried that out now. I don't know if I should say that now, but... So, I'll tell you. I just started to relax my eyes and to breathe my eyes. And in this... Relaxing the eyes has relaxed my brain. So my thinking is somehow Yes, when I do this, this focusing of the eyes, the thinking has, so to speak, evolved.

[45:32]

And in the moment when this breathing of the eyes took place, my eyes took on a delicate form. This delicate shape of the eyes slipped into my heart. And somehow I thought, yes, there you are. But I have to say that this is an embarrassing matter.

[46:42]

Well, it's very embarrassing for me. You don't have to be embarrassed. Yes, yes. That's enough. Yes, and this state somehow led me, as I indicated yesterday, into the breath and into the attempt to let me into the silence. Now I would still say the silence is like a hold for me. I use it as a hold and maybe it's a little bit outside of me.

[47:49]

so that this active, this active that Gerald said, Now the question is, that was at the beginning, was there an active impulse to get into the silence, into the immutability? That is now ... I'm not quite sure. This is a bit of an analogy. When we come out of normal life, to a session, we also give an active impulse to become inactive.

[49:11]

That means, we set ourselves to come into silence, and then we become inactive. But there is this active impulse at the beginning. I would like to make a remark about seeing, about the eyes that breathe. In the Chinese writing language, seeing is a symbol of the eye that runs on legs. So it is something active. I think in our world, especially in the western world, we are very active with the eyes. We focus. And I think in the way you breathe, you just take this activity back. The eyes can be wide, they don't focus anymore. Whether you have decided or not, it's just a movement back and forth.

[50:18]

It's not like this gripping with the eyes. I think, yes, why are you looking for activity where the taking of breathing simply leads you to your own place? That is of course a good question, but I can't unpack it now, but this experience of immediate experience from which I would say, I wouldn't do it at all. And I think everyone has that experience. And then I feel like I have been pushed into it. And I am incapable. I am then shaken. And I say to myself, I can't do it.

[51:33]

I spoke to Roshi and he said that I should accept it immediately. Not everything that is immediate is bliss or beautiful, I mean, all kinds of things happen to us. No, I really wouldn't say that it is bliss. Yes, and I mean, most of the time it is like that, we don't want the unpleasant things, so we'd rather run away and avoid them, but it is also about to accept it somehow and to say, okay, then let it be like this. Is the other side of the coin?

[52:48]

Yes, to hold it out. For me, I have to say, since we are talking about these fundamental things and fundamental teachings, for me this fundamental teaching of Buddhism is that life is suffering, and suffering can be expressed in different words, so let's just say dissatisfaction, And this searching, one searches because one is somehow dissatisfied, and that this belongs to life, it took a few years until it became clear to me how implicitly our Christian culture is in it, If we somehow live the right life, then we are already doing well, and if we are not doing well, then we are doing something wrong.

[53:57]

At some point it became clear to me that this is implicit in me, and that going bad, or being shaken, or having pain, or whatever, being dissatisfied, that this is not allowed. or should not be. And the Buddhism says, no, that belongs to the body, that is part of it. You cannot be happy somehow if you are not unhappy. That is part of it and it is normal and it is okay. It does not feel so great, but still it is normal and it is okay. And that for me has a huge difference. Well, I don't believe that life is suffering. And when I say, I suffer, there was a time when I always asked myself, there is always someone who says, I suffer or I am happy.

[54:57]

And I had such a thought, Ramana Maharshi once said, what was before it was you? And when I ask myself that, then I have the feeling, I encounter all the I-stories. And with the I layers, there are the layers that I find pleasant, and then I go loose and forget it quickly, and then there are the layers that I don't find pleasant, I don't have anything to go through, and that's why I'm stuck there. So I believe that it actually depends on this evaluation, that's how I experienced it. When I go through the layers, then another layer comes to me. I once had an experience where I was in a lake in Yugoslavia, and that was really nice. And the last morning I got up, had breakfast on my sailboat, and I had such a panic that I had never had before. And that took me three days. And then it came to me that I love some layers, and I don't love some layers. And when I'm through all the layers,

[55:58]

then, so to speak, the psyche ends. And I think, if we dare to agree on that, then there is an end. That is what Karin just said, that it is necessary to accept what flows into you or what flows out into you. At least that's what I'm trying to say. And then you're back on the subject of this impermanence. You're impermanently affected, and when you accept it, you try not to evade it, to split it up, but to complete it in that moment. And then you're more in that moment than when you try to evade it. For me, the conclusion is the evaluation. Of course, the evaluation. I also have things that happen to me, and I take them very seriously. I just want to say, it's good. Sometimes I imagine melancholic society, if someone is funny, then they stand in the corner, if someone is sad, then they say, everything is good. The comparison is very good.

[57:01]

Yes, I don't want to stay there, I'm going to go to a more grave level now. I don't know if that's what we're talking about now. I'm not sure, so I won't go into it. When I stand up and someone steps on my foot with a shoe, then I feel pain, whether I want to or not. What I do with it, and that's the next thing, but that has something to do with mediocrity. And the question is, am I angry at the other person? And he says, I don't know if you can see this, but my foot hurts. And he says, ouch. And sometimes I say, ouch, my foot hurts.

[58:01]

and that is also something that is impossible to do, because it is a rule that if the other person has wet his whole foot, because he is still in a state of trance, it will soon be over. And it is impossible, absolutely impossible. I had the experience that I was already in a state of trance when I was a child. Yes, that's what it is. I meant more the experience of our X. I don't know, it doesn't have to be in the big number. No, it can even fit together. How you then evaluate it, with the stepping on the foot, and then you stick to it and it fits back to what you said. You just said about the AUA. In the AUA there is also a lot of other things that the immediate experience of the footwork does not contain.

[59:10]

Yes, recently I had eaten something, I don't remember, and I said, oh, cold. And something jumped out of the cold, which was not the experience of the cold. Then there are associations and other things. But the invisible experience of the cold was different than this awa or this cold, as they say. Die unmittelbare Erfahrung war irgendwie, ja, das war einfach nur der Kontakt, von dem Spüren. Und das Wort kalt beinhaltet noch viel mehr, oder das Wort Aua beinhaltet noch viel mehr, was die unmittelbare Erfahrung gar nicht hat. Viel mehr da. Ich würde gerne noch mal zu diesem unmittelbaren to emerge from the experience of the present, as I understood it, also with you, Kerala, about physical perception or so, to wake up, aha, here I am, this is my life, and

[60:28]

My experience is that I actually do not do it in the sense that I now decide on present-day experience, and then I can decide and search forever, and this is probably also the opposite, it goes on and on. At the same time, my experience is also that from my technical point of view, from previous experience, that in certain constellations the probability is greater that they appear than in other constellations. And one of these constellations, which is not yet so reliable, that's why I should like to share it with you, is that I know the Ivo with someone else as an opponent, to say what is moving me right now and what is happening right now, what I did yesterday or what I feel right now, or I have a problem with my V and it was like this and like that, and so on.

[61:58]

And the other one just listens. And if that goes for a quarter of an hour or so, then it is very often the experience that at some point it is certainly necessary to tell this story. And then the room opens and I am suddenly in the present. and I could tell you more, but I don't have to, and suddenly there is a completely different state. There, in this moment, so to speak, has appeared, and I mean that when I sit, I do the same inside. So I am with all that is there, body, life, feelings, memories, anger, and so on. And when the time is enough, so to speak, then it can be that I come to my senses and I am in the area. And that happens, I would say, spontaneously. I experience it like a gift, that I, whatever it is, life or something,

[63:02]

So this is how I experience the appearance of this moment, the immediate moment. I would like to have a look at you. It is very interesting that you have described this feeling that you have, and in the moment when you give it to someone, when you give it to someone, there is something different. So, basically, it has nothing to do with it, because the word cold has nothing to do with the feeling. And maybe from there on, this mediocrity is maybe to feel the feeling, but not this silence. I could imagine that in the moment when it stops, that the voices will evaluate it.

[64:18]

That is, that is already done. I don't know. Please show me. Otherwise I won't be able to see you. Okay. In the word, for example, as you say, Awa, or in the Kalt, there are still associations, there is more in it or something else in it than the immediate experience that we have made at that moment, the spiritual experience. It reminds me that Jung once said, it is not so that we have complexes, the complexes have us. And if you continue it, you can do it with the feelings. feelings, we say we lead this and that and give a term for it, but it's more and more, he also has history, this term, and then I say something, but it doesn't work anymore because it doesn't meet the present.

[65:27]

So how is it more like, in English there is, in American there is the word Samson, So, a sensual feeling of what is happening right now. This is something completely different from a feeling that I call something that the others can start with, but which is not correct in the original. I have made the experience, if I perceive it as an example, and there is a story in it, and I dwell for a while in the term kalt with the story, also in such a meditative state that the story dissolves and that then the immediate perception that it then arises, after which I practically dissolve my belonging story. I will now go back to the assumption that impermanence can only arise if there is no I. Yes.

[66:29]

Otherwise, yes. So this is a surprising moment, which cannot exceed me. As I said before, I still try to formulate what I actually said or wanted to say, that I remain in this delusion of being there, that I remain in this question. Wo bin ich? Dass ich das so, so vertiefe, dass ich gar nicht ankomme, dass da gar kein Ich mehr ist. Es gibt keine Antwort. Also dass ich nicht auf eine Antwort warte, sondern in der Frage bleibe. I don't have a question. That's an answer.

[67:35]

The reality is self-evident. And what I want to show, shows itself. So experiencing and feeling what is there, there is no question, there is nothing additional. Yes, and the pain, what do you do with the pain? It's only there. There or not there, that's not so important. What I also have to say is that I don't find the pain so unpleasant because it has actually brought me far. Without pain, I would certainly not be here. And I've had a lot of pain for many years. The senses are still there. I can express it like this, I step out of the body or I release myself, but pain I didn't feel it anymore.

[68:42]

It was completely caught in the background. So for me, this Saladi experience or practice has a depth that I couldn't even grasp in words before. I didn't even know how to name it. and when I went outside, I always called for revolution, but I experienced this revolution in my body, so to speak, and only through this constant sitting practice, the constant sitting, in which I am not completely my self and my body, in peace. I can only say that it is a deep, very deep, peaceful state for me. When I am in a state that I define as mediocrity, then I have the feeling, I don't have the feeling that I am not there, but that I am actually there.

[70:11]

So then I am in a constitution where I Yes, where I drink the tea not from a cup but from a bowl. I don't know why. I take a 99% cup and it's with both hands. Or I walk down and down the stairs in a different way. For me, it's a completely different way of being there. I don't know if anyone out there notices that. The crazy thing is that I get in there when I'm alone and unintentionally. Suddenly I find myself in it. And if my dog has to lie in the body under the blanket, then it's different. And I wonder what that is, if I associate it with the fact that he has an expectation of me.

[71:25]

This extreme smallness, he begs me, he says nothing, nothing at all, makes the whole thing completely different. Yes, what I wanted to say is actually that I have the feeling that a burden falls off or that I actually am. I think we thought we'd stop around four. And my watch is a minute or so fast, I believe, but based on my watch, it's exactly four.

[72:25]

But what has struck me listening to I really appreciate, I can't tell you how much I appreciate listening with you. Yeah, but what struck me is that from Thales, Thales, the Greek philosopher, I think to Spinoza, Kant, and others, they often say something like, philosophy begins with the feeling of awe. And it feels to me like when we are speaking about immediacy.

[73:35]

For us it's, we're saying something like the feeling of awe. Yeah, and so that's a good place to start and stop. Yeah, so let's maybe sit for a few minutes or something like that. Something like that. What did something go? And I like too the way we're able to share the variety of our approaches to or direct experiences of this awe at our very existence.

[77:12]

And I also like the diversity with which we are able to share our access to or our experience of this astonishment as our direct experience. melting into the cushion with the sky on her head.

[78:24]

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