I hope, I pray, that you had as good a day as I did. It was a great day, filled with joy, practicing here at the Pivotal Activity Center, the center of pivotal activity of all Buddhas. which is at each being. Is there anything anybody wishes to express? I have a question. The difference?

[01:45]

Well, I think you feel like you have entered into a labor contract, a work contract, like you're going to do something and be supported to do it. And there's some form, like there's a shovel and there's a crew you're working with. He worked with other people. And there's a sense that you're engaging in a training. Whereas when he's wandering, often as people do wander away from their home, they're kind of going off on their own, and they're not going into training with anybody. They're not accepting precepts of training. And they do that for a while until they feel like, when the precepts of training are offered, they feel like, yeah, I can do that, that would be good.

[02:45]

And then it's nice if the offer doesn't seem like too much. Like, it's also training to go into the house, but that was too much, that was too big a step for him. So, in the life of living beings, we actually are born Completely, the way we're born, through the support of all things, but we don't understand how much support made us be born. And we feel it, but we don't understand it. We don't understand how much love is coming towards us. We just don't get it. And we go away from it. And at a certain point we feel like, I need some kind of training. And that's why it's a nice word, the word recovery is a nice word.

[03:50]

Or going for refuge. So I think the person has gone for refuge when he starts shoveling dung. He starts saying okay, and he's also accepting some way to work with it, rather than just whatever he thinks of. which is what he was doing before. He thought he could practice without his parents, and he found out the results of that. He didn't know that the reason why he was feeling so bad was because he went away from his support. But now he's getting support again, and he says, OK, I'm glad to be alive to do this. That's the difference. You're actually entering Somebody else's gift to you. How does that work for you?

[04:51]

Yes? Earlier today you said something like, the more you become yourself, the more you become not yourself. And I'm just wondering about both those yourselves. It seems like they're different yourselves. Well, no, it's the same one. It's the same self. So the more you become yourself, doesn't that mean the more you see yourself as connected to everything? Is that what that means? Well, that too, but it's through understanding that the things that you're connected to are not you. And you didn't think they were you originally anyway. So, the more you accept this particular coherence, the more you realize that this really is, I'll just say this, absolutely

[05:57]

contradictorily self-identical. This person is absolutely identical with itself by not being itself. I do not make myself. What is not me makes me. What is not the self makes the self. And I can hear that, but I don't understand it until I'm willing to completely be myself. But it's the same self that thinks that it could be partly itself. That same self that thinks that. as the self which has become completely itself and realized that it really is not itself, the same self.

[07:05]

And we wouldn't want to change it just a little bit, because changing it a little bit would be like trying to change the whole universe a little bit. And it's not exactly like you're connected to everything, It's not quite that way, because connected sounds like you're something in addition to what you're connected to. What you are is not yourself. It's not like you're connected to that. You are that. And this is turning. So the famous statement by the author of the or at least the putative offer of the Song of the Precious Mirror Samadhi is, you are not it, you are not the universe, in truth it is you. It's turning. So it's not that we're connected to everybody else, we are everybody else, in a particular way like this.

[08:09]

And everybody else is everybody else as that person. And as that person is different from as this person. But you are as good a version of me as I am. This limited thing here isn't really what I am. What I really am is everything I'm not. So you're as much a good story about me as this appearance. You're an appearing, coherent person, and so am I. You're just as good an explanation of me as I am, and I'm not a good explanation of me. The whole universe, including you, for example, and you and you and you, each of you explain me as well as I do. and I include all that explains me.

[09:09]

The one thing that doesn't explain me very well at all is me, because then it's like I'm something in addition to all the not-me that makes me. Leo? Yes. So it's related to the equation, the verbal equation. So was it possible for hypothetical parents of bodhisattvas to prevent him to wander, meaning point him in the right direction before he lost himself? They did point him in the right direction, but he didn't understand. And it's possible the parents are being compassionate to him, and being patient with him, and generous with him, and showing him all kinds of good things, and he sees it, but he still doesn't understand what's being shown to him.

[10:14]

But he is being shown it. And he will later understand what he was shown. But he has to go away from it for a while, in order to understand how wonderful it is. It's part of our nature that we have to go away We have to, in a sense, reject our unconditional love of the universe, even when it's delivered in some really nice ways, like really kind parents. Everybody agrees it's kind. Even the child says, yeah, they're really kind, but I have to go away. Sorry. Bye-bye. I have to do my thing. I have to be a teenager. I can't do it here with you because I'm a sentient being and I'm confused about your compassion.

[11:17]

I know you're trying to be compassionate to me, but at the same time I feel a little bit like I'm supposed to do what you want me to do. But that confuses me because I can't tell if I'm doing it because you want me to and I want your love. Or because I want to do it. And the parents can still say, we'll love you even if you don't do what we want you to do. We do want you to do stuff. We want you to be happy. But we'll love you even if you're not happy. And we'll love you even if you leave. And the sentient being, the bodhisattva says, well then I have to leave to prove that you would love me if I leave. And that you'll miss me and wish I would come back so that I can your compassion and transmit it to the next generation. I have to go away to find that out. But there's going to be a consequence of me going away, which is that it will be difficult for me to find it out.

[12:17]

And I don't know when I leave that I'm going to come back and enter a training program. But I will find out. So I think it's part of our nature that we are born through the support of the universe, and it's part of our nature that we don't understand it, and it's part of our nature that the path to understanding it is to kind of like reject it. That's part of our path of realizing it, is to reject it. And then we suffer because of that, so then part of our path is to realize that we're suffering. and stumble upon some recovery program, and decide we want to do it. And as you may know, a lot of recovery programs, people stumble upon them, they decide they want to do it, but they don't really want to do it yet. And sometimes the person who's offering them the training says, no, you can't, you're not ready, you don't really want to do it.

[13:21]

So there's many Zen stories, the traditional Zen story is, the teacher is there, who is representing this unconditional love, and knows this person has to go through a recovery program in order to receive it, and the person comes and says, I want it, and the teacher doesn't accept them. And, you know, says, go away. And they say, I really do. They say, no, you don't. I really do. And finally, they really do. And then the teacher says, okay. And then they enter training. And then they find out that the unaccepting appearance of this perfect, complete love was necessary for them to find out that they really wanted to do it. And those stories are sometimes difficult for people to listen to.

[14:21]

The famous one is Bodhidharma. When his main disciple comes to him, he says, go away, you're not sincere. And the guy stands in the snow all night to demonstrate that he knows he needs to do this training. He's not just saying it. And then he cuts his arm off and says, here, does this convince you I'm sincere? And Bodhidharma says, okay, you are definitely crazy enough to be my student. So it does seem to be part of the thing of coming back and being given something by which you can demonstrate your sincerity to do the training, And then you do it, and then you continue to demonstrate your sincerity to do the training by doing the training through all the resistance that comes up in you.

[15:42]

Did I tell you a story about my daughter giving birth and what she saw last time? Maybe I told it in Brooklyn. So my daughter, My daughter at one point became a mother, and after she became a mother, she called her parents and said, Now I understand how much you loved me. She heard us say we loved her, and she didn't think, well you don't. She didn't think that. She maybe had problems with it, like she had problems with me maybe, but she didn't think that I didn't love her. It was more like I wasn't... my love was not present enough, was not, you know, undistracted enough for her.

[16:43]

And then she became a mother, then she understood what we meant. And that same thing happened with me. My father used to tell me he loved me, and I thought, yeah, almost like, why are you telling me? You don't have to tell me. But he did have to tell me, actually, so that I could realize that he was telling me something that I didn't know. And then when I became a father, I thought, oh, this is what he meant. And as a child, you do not know what they're talking about when they say that. But they should say it, so you can think, why are you telling me this? And then you feel like, oh, now I get it. And this is a new ball game, this new kind of love. And you have to go away to come back and understand it.

[17:44]

Which is tough, but normal. It's a normal thing on the path. Yes, my father passed away the same day as Muhammad Ali. And my mother passed away three years ago. Before she passed away, she was telling us, her siblings, how much she would see her dead mother for lack of a better word, and father, they're not relatives. She saw them while she was dying? Or before? Before she died, when she was in the final stage of dementia. And I think that most everybody in the room here heard or somewhat knows that worldwide, including the school system, they're teaching us that a lot of people, before they die, they're seeing their relatives who have passed on.

[18:53]

And I questioned the idea, the notion that how could it be real because they're separated from the person that's seeing them. And so the point of the question is, what they're seeing, isn't it an illusion, projection of the mind? And as far as the many bodhisattvas or buddhas go, isn't that likewise, since the truth points to one, not what's out there, what's seen as other than what we perceive? Does that make any sense to the heart of my question? Just a second. Are you going like this? Okay.

[19:59]

I'm not sure I understood what you said, but I did hear you say something like, we see things, and some question about what is it that we're seeing. And so if I see you now, and then also I see my deceased father now, I don't exactly know what to say I'm seeing. I don't know if you say, when I see you, do I know what I'm seeing when I see you? And if I see my deceased father, I don't know exactly what I'm seeing. Now, if I see you, a lot of other people say, oh, I see him too. And if I see my deceased father, maybe none of you see him.

[21:04]

But I don't know exactly what I am seeing when I see you or I see this other thing. I don't know. Yeah, I don't. What do I know? I do know I think I see you. And right now I don't see my father, but I can almost see him. I'll just do it for you now. I'll see him. Okay, now I'm seeing him. But what I'm seeing is, I don't think he's in the room, I'm just seeing a picture of him, which I can still see. I can still see his handsome face. And I can still remember that I always thought he was more handsome than me. So I can see a picture of my father right now, and I don't think that that picture of my father is my father.

[22:11]

Now, how about you? I see a picture of you now, too. And I also do not believe that my picture of you is you. I don't. But that doesn't mean I know who you are. I just do not believe that how you're appearing to me is who you are. But who you are, I do not know. And who my father is, I do not know. But I can make a picture of him and a picture of you. And in his case, I don't think he's here. And in your case, I do think you're here. But I don't know who you are. So maybe you're not here. Maybe you just sent a specter of yourself to ask this question, and you're actually out on the deck someplace. I don't know. I guess that's where I'm at. I don't know about such things. And I find that quite helpful to me and it seems to help my relationships with other people if I remember I don't know who you are.

[23:22]

And then I take one more step and I say, although I don't know who you are, you have a big impact on me. I'll just take away the word big. You have an impact on me. I don't know who you are, and you have an impact on me. I don't know who you are, and you give me my life. You make me. I don't know how you make me, and I don't know who you are, so I don't know who I am. Because I am all the impacts of all of you and much more. That's what I am. And I'm nothing in addition to that.

[24:22]

And I'm not the slightest bit less than that. And I'm very happy about being this kind of a person. And I'm very happy you're the same as me. And I don't know who you are or who I am. As Mr. Rilke said, I don't know if I'm a falcon, a song, or a great storm. I don't know what I am, but I believe I am all of you as me. And if I want to know about myself, you help me. And you're the only way I'm going to find out who I am. Because there's no me in addition to you.

[25:26]

And I have to deal with the way I appear to myself. And I need to do that. Or should I say, the more I do that, the more I realize that you are me. And the you that is me is not me. I told you before, it says on this fan, don't be afraid of being stupid. Yes? That would be me. You're afraid of being stupid? No. I am stupid. And you're not afraid of it?

[26:26]

No. Well. So here's a stupid question. Okay. This morning you said... Can I just say something? Last night, when I gave my granddaughter a ride from one place to another, and when we arrived at our destination, she said to her grandmother, he's not as clever as he thinks he is. She's four. this morning, you mentioned a number of pivot points. For instance, you're the universe, I'm the universe, it's you. You can pivot around that. No, it's not that I'm the universe, and it's not that the universe is me. The universe... I am the universe as me.

[27:30]

I'm not the universe. I'm not you. I'm you as me. So in pivoting, you see it one way and the other, the universe is itself as you, for instance? I think in pivoting you can see it one way and then see it another way. But the pivoting is not the seeing it this way and that way, it's the pivoting from seeing it this way to that way. It's not the seeing it this way or seeing it that way, but the seeing it this way and seeing it that way is pivoting. Is that because we can't see it both ways at once? Bodhisattvas don't see it both ways at once, but Buddhas do.

[28:33]

However, both Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are pivoting. While Buddhas are pivoting, they can see both ways at the same time, and Bodhisattvas switch, but the switching isn't the pivoting. The seeing it this way and then seeing it that way That's what we normally do. The pivot is that you're not abiding in seeing it this way and not abiding in seeing it that way. So we see it this way, then we see it that way. And if we see it this way and we're thoroughly seeing it this way, then we're not abiding in it this way. And if we see it that way and we do it thoroughly, we're not abiding in seeing it that way. And we have our nature working for us, because our nature does not abide in seeing it this way or seeing it that way. It doesn't. But we're not really switching.

[29:36]

We don't have to take up this position and take up that position. And we don't. We don't take up this position and take up that position. Because this position, if you did take it up, if you take it up partway, then you think you're taking up this position. If you take up the other position partway, then you think you're taking that position. But if you wholeheartedly take this position, you realize that it's not this position. You realize it. You make it true that you do not abide. And therefore you do pivot. and you realize your nature, you realize your family business. And if I have any trouble wholeheartedly being myself, that's again calling for recovery work, the work of being willing to be this person, this position.

[30:43]

But not in order to be in that position and stick there, but be in that position and realize that position is always including the other side, and therefore there's no abiding in it. Can you hear him? He said, is it related to the saying, when one side is illuminated, the other side is dark? I would say, yes, it's not just related, it's the same thing. an image and its reflection in a mirror.

[31:46]

It's not like that when it's wholehearted. When you're wholehearted, when one side is illuminated, the other is dark. This is for bodhisattvas. When you're wholehearted, there's just the color, there's not you and the color. Or there's just the universe. There's not you and the universe when you're wholehearted. When you're halfhearted, there's like the color and you. When you're wholehearted, there's color and no you, or there's you and no color. When you're wholehearted, there's just the whole universe, or there's just you. It's just like that.

[32:50]

Yes? Is pivoting somewhat synonymous to the Paramitas, going beyond? Say again, louder. Is pivoting somewhat synonymous to the practice of the Paramitas, the notion of pivoting? Somewhat synonymous? Yeah, somewhat synonymous. Or just regular synonymous. Regular among the synonyms or among non-synonyms? It's a synonym. They're synonyms. And the Paramitas mean going beyond. They mean when you go beyond you, that's the Paramitas. And when you go beyond you, then you go beyond that, and you're you again. That's the Paramitas.

[33:52]

And the Paramitas also help you be completely yourself. I cannot completely be myself or be completely stupid without the Paramitas. When I'm completely stupid, then there is no abiding in my stupidity. But I have to be generous and careful and patient in order to be completely myself. And as soon as I reach that, I realize not myself, so in that sense I leap beyond myself. And then I continue to practice the Paramitas, so I leap beyond not myself. And in fact, in reality, we are constantly leaping beyond ourself. We are not abiding in ourself. And the practice of leaping beyond and not abiding is called the pivotal activity of Buddhas.

[35:04]

Please excuse me for going 15 minutes later than agreed upon ending time. Please forgive me for my contribution to this catastrophe. May our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Diligence are inexhaustible. So if I just could say one more thing over too much, and that is, one of the advantages of being a parent

[36:27]

is to help you understand how much your parents loved you. And if you can't be a parent, then one of the advantages of being a bodhisattva is to realize how much your bodhisattva teacher loves you.

[36:56]

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