We're always concerned with how to lead a meaningful life. This is our, unless we are stupid, we want to know how to lead a meaningful life. Some People just lead a life according to what seems interesting at the moment. But at some point in our life, we really want to get it together. And we really want to know what we're doing and why. And what is our purpose for doing what we're doing. What's the reason of our life? And how to live in accord with the reason of our life.

[01:02]

So there's a very nice koan that deals with this. This is a koan from the Mu Man Khan, which a lot of us are familiar with, I'm sure. It's called Nonsense, Master Nonsense, Ordinary Mind is the Way. Ordinary Mind is the Tao. So, the introductory statement is like this. Joshu, actually this is the case, excuse me, the case is Master Joshu asked Nansen. Joshu was Nansen's student. What is the way?

[02:06]

What is the Tao? And Nansen replied, ordinary mind is the Tao. Shall I try to seek after it? Joshu asked. If you try for it, you will become separated from it. Responded Nansen. How can I know the way unless I try for it? Persisted Joshu. Nansen said, the way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion. Not knowing is confusion. When you have really reached the true way beyond doubt, you will find it as vast and boundless as outer space. How can it be talked about on the level of right and wrong? With these words, Joshu came to a sudden realization. And then Mumon has a commentary.

[03:06]

He says, a comment, he says, Nonsense dissolved and melted away before Joshu's questions and could not offer a plausible explanation. Even though Joshu comes to a realization, He must delve into it for another 30 years before he can fully understand it. And then Mumon has a verse to summarize. And he says, the spring flowers, the autumn moon, summer breezes, winter snow. If useless things do not clutter your mind, you have the best days of your life. Joshu, of course, was a famous, as we know, was a very, one of the most famous Zen masters, and his teacher Nansen was also one of the most famous Zen masters. Joshu lived to be 120, and he's a very extremely venerated Zen student.

[04:07]

But at this time, Nansen was about 50, and Joshu was about 20. And Joshu had pretty good understanding, but his understanding may be a little, he had some little doubt, some little haziness. So he asked this question of his teacher, very humbly, came and asked his teacher this very simple, straightforward question. And then this dialogue ensued. So, Joshu, very humbly, asked his teacher Nansen, What is the way? What is the Tao? And Nansen said, Ordinary mind is the Tao.

[05:15]

The way has two meanings. Michi in Japanese means the kind of way of a plumber, or a way of a teacher, or way of a carpenter, or a way of a psychologist, or a way of a mother, or a way of a child, or father. Each one of us has our own way according to how we act and what we put our life force into. And the other meaning of way is Tao, or the great way. the way which is before any separate way.

[06:22]

It's the dharmakaya or the unconditioned way which is vast as space and has no special features and yet everything is a manifestation or a feature of this featureless way. So, in Nansen's reply, he says, ordinary mind is the way. But this ordinary goes, we think of ordinary as what we know, our usual way of thinking, our usual way of acting in our usual way. Birds singing, cars humming, eating, sleeping.

[07:31]

But ordinary way is also the way which we may not be conscious of. Ordinary way is We think of, I am doing something in an ordinary way. But in another sense, we are done. We say, I work, but also we are worked. We say, I move, but I am moved. We say, I breathe, but I am breathed. we must realize I am breathed. It's a pretty easy way to realize that this body is not myself. No matter how much I try to keep it from getting older, all by itself it gets older.

[08:44]

All by itself it appears in this world and all by itself it leaves. But all by itself means without my help. Although I do help it. So the way of things, the way things go, has two sides. One side is the unknowable way that everything manifests itself. And the other side is how we take care of our life, how we see the world, how we understand it, and what we do.

[09:46]

So these are two ways two ordinary ways. So you can say that the ordinary is extraordinary and the extraordinary is ordinary. And for us to understand or to live in the way with the way of reality, way of truth. We must have a foot in both ways, both sides, even though there are not two sides. Both sides are, it's not something with two sides, but in order to talk about it,

[10:50]

We talk about two sides. Michi and Tao. The level of perception and what we recognize and the underlying reality which we're not always aware of and which we become aware of through Zazen. So Joshu asked, shall I try to seek after it? Shall I look for it? How should I go about it? How should I go about finding this ordinary mind? And Nansen said, if you try for it, you will become separated from it.

[11:58]

If you try to get it, it will elude your grasp. And if you don't look for it, you won't find it. This is our koan. If we look for it, it will elude our grasp. And if we don't look for it, nothing will happen. So how do you look without looking? How do you seek without seeking? We say, or in the Bible it says, it's closer than hands and feet.

[13:14]

So seeking means seeking outside of yourself or looking around for it. or trying to figure it out with your mind. Mind, or explanation, is a way of trying to, or speech is a way of trying to explain something that you experience. But if you just try to figure it out with your mind, it just goes farther and farther away. You just get more separated from it. So if we want to find the way, we have to immerse ourself in the way. You should be able to say, I am the way.

[14:23]

I am the way. Each one of us should be able to say, I am the way. When we wake up in the morning and put our feet on the floor, You can say, this is the way. Very simple. Nothing is left out. This is right here. This is the way. What does that mean? Nonsense says, the way, when you understand it, the way is as boundless as space. So in this boundlessness, how do you find your way?

[15:27]

How do we find our way in this boundlessness? The great Tao has no special form. It's like being in space. Great space with no directions. So how do we find our directions? If we go looking for it, seeking it, we become lost. So when you get out of bed in the morning and put your feet on the ground, on the floor, you can say, right here is the great way. And then you take your first step

[16:32]

That's also the Great Way. But it's also just a step. So how is one step after another, both Michi and Tao? How is our ordinary step, our ordinary activity, also ordinary activity of the Great Tao? or the Great Way, the Great Unconditioned Mind of the universe. So Choshu's asking, how do we express that? How do we live in that mind, in our true mind, true way? Not just running around like a chicken.

[17:42]

But how do we make our steps meaningful and in accord with reality? This is Josje's question. So, how can I know the way unless I try for it, persists Joshu. And Nansen says, the way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion. Not knowing is confusion. When you have really reached the true way beyond doubt, you will find it as vast and boundless as outer space. How can it be talked about on the level of right and wrong? Knowing is delusion.

[18:47]

Because as much as we think we know, when we really think we know, we only know something. And not knowing or not paying attention is just ignoring. Real not knowing, which is beyond knowing and not knowing, is true knowing. So, when the emperor asks Bodhidharma, who are you? Bodhidharma says, no knowing. His no-knowing is not on the level of ignorance, but true knowing, which is no special knowing. And then Mumon has a comment and he says,

[20:02]

Nansen dissolved and melted away before Joshu's questions and could not offer a plausible explanation. Fortunately, he didn't fall into the trap of knowing. It looks like Mumon is putting him down, saying he failed to give a good reply. Maybe he did talk too much. But his reply was not on the level of knowing. He could not offer a plausible explanation. If he had offered any explanation, it would have been incorrect. So it looks like Mumon's criticizing, but actually he's complimenting.

[21:16]

And he talks about Joshu. He says, and Joshu comes to a realization, even though he comes to a realization, he must delve into it for another 30 years before he can fully understand it. If you read the accounts of encounters between students and disciples in Zen literature, you read about various students having enlightenment experience. And it looks like, well, now they know everything. But actually, this experience we should all have an experience that opens our mind to reality. The first time that we sit Zazen, we have a Satori, but you don't know it.

[22:22]

You don't know that your mind has been opened. And then the whole rest of your life is understanding the experience you had or the experience you're having and the development of that experience. So it's not that it's so difficult to have some experience, but what's difficult is to keep our practice pure for the rest of our life and to constantly have continuous practice maturing our understanding. So 30 years just means endlessly. It's a kind of figure. In Buddhist literature, they use numbers

[23:27]

just rather than saying infinite, they just pick a number, 30, or they could have picked 40. You could have picked 20, but you picked 30. It means endlessly. Tetsugikai Dai Osho. Remember Tetsugikai? If you chant the lineage, you remember Tetsugikai. He's next to the last. He was a disciple of Dogen, and a successor of Dogen, Koen Eijo's successor. He was giving a lecture one time about this koan, and Keizan Joken, who was his disciple, said, when he was giving the lecture, he said, I got it.

[24:46]

And Tetsugikai said, what did you get? And Keizan said, a jet black ball speeds through the dark night. And Tetsu Ikai was impressed, but he didn't feel that was quite enough. He said, what else can you say? And Keizan said, when hungry, I eat, and when tired, I sleep. Do you understand this koan? The first part, Jet Black Ball Speeds Through the Dark Night, expresses the Tao, his understanding of Tao.

[25:58]

Darkness, in utter darkness, everything is equal and the same. When you're walking in the dark, You don't see shapes. In Zen language, dark means no difference between anything. It just means complete equality of everything. This is the Dharmakaya side. the unconditioned, formless, no special form side of our life. And when tired I sleep and when hungry I eat expresses the other side, the Michi side, which is whatever I do is an expression of this deep

[27:08]

dharmakaya, dharma nature, buddha nature, formless nature. Ordinary activity is the way. Ordinary mind is the way. Explaining it's not so good, but if you catch it, if it hits you, then you understand it pretty well. Even Khezan had to study for 30 more years after his understanding. So then Mumon has a verse and he says, The spring flowers, the autumn moon, summer breezes, winter snow.

[28:14]

He mentions all four seasons and their characteristics. And then he says, if useless things do not clutter your mind, you have the best days of your life. I won't bother to explain the poem. And the living koan here is, how does our daily life express the great Tao? If you try to make something of it, it flies from you. You create a division. But if you don't do anything about it,

[29:21]

either just in ignorance or confusion. So, how do we live in the undivided realm? That's the point. How do we live in the undivided realm? non-dualistic realm, which is with us always. Do you have any questions?

[30:29]

What word is the decision? Well, two things. One is that practice is to always come back not come back, but always to wake up to this moment.

[33:19]

But our mind is always working. Mind and imagination and fantasy is constantly working. So, does that mean that we should never think about something? No, because we're always thinking about something. We're always doing and thinking. So, there are two sides. One side is the realm of being awake, in which there is no thought, no special thinking. And the other side is the realm of action and activity and thinking and fantasizing and imagination and dreaming. And both sides make one complete whole.

[34:30]

So when within activity, constant activity, to realize this moment. What is this moment? Does that just mean what is happening now? Because what is happening now is always changing. And it's very difficult to grasp what is this moment. This moment is completely ungraspable. But only... we can't see it, but we can only be it. So if you try to think about this moment, it eludes us.

[35:39]

So to be is not to see. And in a way, it's a kind of blindness. We have to accept this blindness of not knowing, but only being. But being is also knowing. So, moment is, or right now is, in utter darkness. It doesn't change. It doesn't flow. It doesn't go anywhere. But it runs through everything. and we make our life.

[36:51]

We make little patterns out of it and delineations and ways of being and thinking which we call our way or our life or our path. But it's made up. It's kind of made up. It's like taking pieces of driftwood or sand and creating sandcastles. This is our life. We take the raw material and create... we make cities and fantasies out of sand. And as we make it, it's dissolving. The tide is coming up. and dissolving it and then we make more out of this raw material which has no particular form.

[37:58]

So to be always aware of the formlessness of life is to be in the moment. Within our way, within our sleeping in eating, in action, to always realize the formlessness of that form is to be in the moment, because the moment doesn't come or go. So this is a kind of wisdom. And on the other hand is compassion. So the wisdom is to know how things go, to have that realization.

[39:04]

The compassion is to act in accordance with it. Because if you realize that there's no special form to things, And that as we build our castles, they're constantly crumbling. The next step is to just give up. But through compassion, we stay in the world and make it work. help to make it work for people in an ordinary way. So compassion is very important.

[40:09]

It doesn't matter so much what the castles look like. What matters is how we take care of the suffering beings. That's how we stay awake. and stay in the moment with that awareness. Otherwise, we can be very awake, but we're really asleep. People can look like they're very awake, but they're running around in madness So the combination of wisdom and compassion is wakefulness and being in the moment when those two are completely balancing.

[41:39]

That's being awake to reality. That's my response. Well, the problem that we have is that we look at it backwards. When we say we want something we can trust, it means, or something that, something eternal, you know, something eternal.

[42:55]

That means, from a human standpoint, it means, I don't want anything to change. and I want everything to be okay anyway. But eternal means constantly changing. And trust means putting yourself in the hands of constant change. But from a human point of view, it's like Please preserve everything as it is, and then we'll be okay. So, eternal or not eternal, just words, right? But the non-changing is not from our side, our personal side.

[44:00]

Non-changing is our deep nature, on top of which everything is changing. So, although we direct our way, our life in a certain way, in the light, in the darkness, we have to experience darkness, then we know what eternal is. And then we know what faith is. It's not in preserving things the way they are. It's in ourself being able to offer ourself to life as it goes. You have to have some trust in that. What else is there to trust in? So we can appreciate our life as it goes. as it changes.

[45:04]

And to be in the moment is to be able to do that. This is how it is. This is how it is. Moment to moment, to know, this is how it is. Hard not to cling. Yeah, it's hard not to cling. Hardest thing in the world is not to cling. As soon as we get comfortable, it changes. So we have to be able to find our comfort in each moment, or our place, or our balance, or whatever you want to call it, moment by moment. And it's always turning. So that's to go with the way. On the one hand, create the way, and on the other hand we go with the way.

[46:07]

And when our creating the way is the same as going with the way, then that's it. So, maybe that's what we're looking for. How to make the life that we create go in accord with the way things, the Tao goes. How to make them accord. how to bring the two sides together as one, as how to cut the cat into one, as Dogen says. So, this is what Zazen is about. Zazen is the dark side where everything is equal, and to know that side makes our understanding come together, even if we don't understand.

[47:14]

I feel... Well, compassion is a big word. It has a lot of meanings. And sometimes to do something against what you would think would be kindness is kindness.

[48:48]

Sometimes not to give something is compassion. Sometimes compassion is to give something. So it's... And sometimes it's to give something even though you don't want to give something. For instance, there were up on Telegraph Avenue, there are various kinds of biggers. If somebody asked me for something, I usually give it to them. Sometimes I feel like you do, you know? Should I give this guy something? But then I always think, don't think about it, you know? I just, if somebody says, I go, okay.

[49:51]

Kind of non-discriminating. But then there are people who, I remember this one guy, he stopped me and said, oh, my wife and kids are blah, blah, blah. He gave me this story, and he was such a great actor, you know? tremendously effusive. And I thought, I need five bucks. Jesus, poor guy, you're not getting five bucks. A month later, I'm walking up, I tell a guy, same guy. Oh man, same, exactly the same story, you know. I just, you know. So my first compassionate gesture was to give him something. My second compassionate gesture was to not give him something. That make sense? I wasn't helping him out, but I may have been, you know, maybe sometimes I think, well, it's a good act, you know, it's worth five bucks.

[50:59]

What do you do when you walk down one of those streams of debt? Streams? Well, you look at your money, figure out how much you can give to each one. Right? This is as much as I have to give. Okay, you get this. Unless you just want to give it to one person. But you have to deal with your feelings, you know. Should I or shouldn't I? I gave you this one, but I'm not giving you that one. Am I saving who? What's going on? It's good for us, actually. Good problem. Although it has something to do with the people that you're giving to, you're just another passerby to them. But to you, there's a lot of stuff going on. a lot of inner stuff, which is really good to look at because when you look at it, you can see exactly where you are in terms of how you feel about giving and compassion and your feelings.

[52:15]

You know, you can really investigate your feelings. It's a good little problem. But unless I don't have something or Very rarely do I not give something if somebody asks me, or if I give... There are the people that have little boxes from the free clinic, and I always give something to them. They stand outside the bank sometimes. But then you see five of them, and you say, well, should I give it to everybody? Kind of problem depends on what you're willing to part with But something is good, you know two bits this Anything a penny it's okay Because I feel you know especially in the old days when we were doing fundraising I

[53:25]

And I thought, well, here I am asking for money. I'm a kind of beggar myself. As a monk, I'm a kind of beggar myself, as a priest. And we always are asking people for money. And here's this guy asking for money. Well, is my cause better than his cause? I can't judge it. give him something, because I feel, well, I like people to give me money. So if I like people to give me money, why should I withhold it from this guy? He wants it for some reason, you know? Probably needs to eat. So I don't judge whether they deserve it or not. I just, if I have something, I give it to them. Even if it's to buy wine or dope, it's still hard to judge. It's interesting, this particular kind of thing.

[54:33]

It does seem to raise a lot of conflicting things in oneself. I've noticed that I'm not prepared for it. I don't usually have a mood for walking or anything like this. But when it does, I'm not prepared. And I think that it has something to do not just with us as individuals, that end with change in society that's happening. And we're not prepared with counter-institutions to deal with it, such as a kind of detachment. I mean, you know, there's one way of when you're always prepared for this. And so you don't really have any personal feelings about it when you don't feel in a country where this has happened. But here now, that kind of country, we're not feeling you know, don't know how quite to deal with it, and how to solve it, and it makes one feel very defensive.

[55:39]

That's right. You have to make a judgment on the moment. And that kind of shows you where you are. Okay. I think we can end here. Thank you.

[56:23]

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