True kindness of the true mind and faith of the true body of faith. I received a request to ask that the external doors not be propped open. It's getting cooler now, so people probably want some fresh air. But I think the sisters want all those external doors shut. We had this one open, but I think if we're in the room, it's OK to have this one open.

[01:03]

But the hallway doors and the other doors, they don't prop them open. Is that OK? Yes. I think it's about the external, external doors, that the internal, external doors, people who are leaving propped open. We need to use that code. to get in or not drop that door to open? Not prop the code door open. That one also. Is the registration form at the front door . I thought I might also mention that in the practice of giving gracious attention to all of our actions,

[02:15]

Yeah, sometimes we might experience worry, for example. Now, the way that I'm repeatedly bringing up to deal with the stories that are appearing in our minds the actions, the thinking that is appearing in our mind, the way I'm suggesting to take care of them includes being tranquil, upright and gentle, upright and flexible, alert and flexible. This is an aspect of tranquility. But some people, as they start to contemplate their actions, they notice that they're not able to be upright and they're not able to be gentle and flexible.

[03:28]

They start to worry and get into even ill will and things like that can arise as they start to contemplate the stories in their mind. Does that make sense? Like you have a story, for example, in your mind that somebody's been cruel to you or even that you might be cruel to somebody. You have a story that you might be cruel to someone, and then you might start worrying that you're going to say something or do something about that. So then you could become agitated and so on. So if you notice that you're not able to be upright and gentle and harmonious and honest with some stories, then it might be good to just, although I'm suggesting to you that bodhisattvas, you know, vow to pay attention to these stories all the time, still, if you can't really pay attention to them properly, it's okay to take a break and practice tranquility.

[04:37]

Which, in that case, you would actually, you still would see your stories I'm not suggesting to ignore them, but note them and let them go. Which again is quite similar to giving them a big field. But, you know, really, really kind of like give them a big field and really let them go. Don't get involved with them. In other words, don't get involved with your thinking. In other words, let go of your thinking. Concentrate on letting go of your thinking. Be aware of it, but let go of it. Be aware of it and let go of it. Be aware of it and let go of it. Be aware of it and let go of it. Until you feel calm and not worried about the story out in the field. And when you're calm and tranquil... then you might be able to sort of open to some relationship with this thing which you've been mostly concentrating on not getting involved with.

[05:56]

A relationship of caring, a relationship of openness, which is not contradictory to the tranquil state that you've arrived at. And then this relationship, the relationship you have with whatever you're experiencing or whatever is appearing in your awareness, inner awareness or awareness of your relationship with other beings, we're talking about this relationship becoming wholehearted. And part of what the Bodhisattva vows are about is to, now that maybe you're able to face this experience or this person, this person, yourself or some other person, you're able to face them and open to a relationship with them, other than just letting go of your story about them or about it.

[07:26]

Now you're actually going to try to develop a wholehearted relationship with this experience or these experiences. So that involves opening to more than you've opened to before, opening more. opening to that when you're relating to an inner experience or a person, you're not just relating to one person. You're open to all beings. You're relating to one person right now, but you're also relating to all beings simultaneously. And then again, I've heard from people that when they start to do this, they start to have some difficulty with that.

[08:29]

They start to get agitated again as they start to open to the totality of our relationship with beings, to our relationship with all beings, but also with the relationship to the totality of each being. and the totality of ourself. As we start to open to that, so many people start to feel busy, agitated, worried, on the verge of being overwhelmed. So then I say, well, and then they say that, sometimes they offer them to themselves, they say, so at that time I feel like I should just go back to tranquility practice. and they want to withdraw, retreat from the intensity of wholeheartedness. And either I see them do this or I ask them about this, I say, and when you do retreat from it and calm down, do you feel more open then?

[09:42]

And they usually say, yeah. So you open, and then you start getting worried or whatever, and then you want to withdraw or retreat, not just to get away, but also to calm down. And then after a while, in the calmness, your calmness opens. Calmness is actually, you're able to feel your vulnerability again. So then you open. And then again you may start to get agitated again and then you want to like, again, go inward and calm down. And then in the calmness you open again. So this is kind of a rhythm to it. You know, sometimes it's good to go into a bomb shelter.

[10:43]

Right. because you'll get hurt if you're up on the open ground. Plus also, you may be not very calm up there. I don't know if Ulysses Grant took drugs, but anyway, he was able to be calm on the battlefield. He was a drunk? Yeah. So maybe he used alcohol, but he did sort of walk around with a cigar in his mouth while these cannonballs were flying by his head. And it encouraged the other monks. Just to see him cruising around with these cannonballs. So some people can be like that without drugs, which is great. We aspire to that, right?

[11:44]

But also sometimes it's too much and you have to go into the bomb shelter. But then when the air raid is over or whatever, it gets kind of close down there. It gets kind of stinky after a while. You kind of want to go outside, you know? So then you go up and there's sunny and there's air, but I mentioned to somebody, and there's flowers, but then there's pollen, you know, so then you have hay fever, so you want to go back in the bomb shelter. So we do this back and forth, you know. This is a normal part of practice. To withdraw, calm down, and then when you feel calm, you do open up. You open up to your vulnerability, which was already there, but when you're feeling attacked, You know, you can't stand it sometimes. So part of this process would be that you would rest.

[12:46]

I was talking to somebody the other day about some practices are too advanced, so you should put them aside. Take a rest from them and go take the practice that's more appropriate. And then later you can come back to something which is quite advanced. So opening, too much, closing, calm down, open, okay, open some more, okay, open some more, too much, close down, open. So it just seems to be a, that kind of a process is part of the bodhisattva path. Does that make sense? I also received a question about... I said something like... He says, I heard you tell... I heard you say that we do not have control...

[14:15]

And then, what did you mean? And then some alternatives the person wrote were, A, we have no control over the thoughts and emotions that arise in us. B, we have no control of the stories that arise in us. So... So this issue of I have control or I don't have control, I guess the basic thing I feel about that is the idea that I have control or that I eat or that I talk or that I think. There's first that kind of attitude of I think. Descartes often translated as, I think, therefore I am.

[15:26]

That's one translation of his statement. I am a person and thinking occurs almost to me. I get to experience thinking. But there's not me doing the thinking. That's a basic proposition I offer you. There's not a me over here who's doing my thinking. So my thinking is the thinking which I'm aware of. My consciousness comes with thinking, but I'm not something in addition to my consciousness which has thinking. So I don't do my thinking. There's not a thinker that does the thinking.

[16:31]

You can have a thinker if you want to, but the thinker is just the thinking. There's not a thinker in addition to the thinking. But most people have the idea or the concept that there's a thinker who does the thinking and that there's an eater who does the eating rather than there's a person who's eating. So I'm okay to say you're a talker, you're a walker, you're a thinker, but it's not that you're doing your walking and you're doing your talking and you're doing your thinking. That's adding something onto what's going on. Again, I think I said to you a couple days ago, it's saying there's the universe plus something. So the universe includes all of our activity, but we think we're in addition to it. We think we're in addition to everybody's activity, and we even think we're in addition to our activity.

[17:38]

So we think, I do my actions. So there is action, there is activity, but there's not somebody who's doing the activity in addition to the activity. And that's hard for us to understand because we basically think the other way. So if you come to then raising your hand and I say, you're not in control of that, Basically, I mean that you're not somebody who's in control of the action. And you're not somebody then, of course, who's in control of the thought of doing the action. You're not in control of what stories arise in your mind. You're not in control of what emotions arise in your mind. You are, you know...

[18:41]

You are not in control of how you feel. How you feel is determined by your environment and by your history, by what you felt before, by what you thought before. These things, none of which are you, come together to create you with feelings. And your past karma is part of what is a condition for your present feeling. But your past karma is not the only thing that determines your present feeling. Your environment does too. So there's no you outside what you're thinking, feeling, and so on, that's in control of what you're thinking, feeling, so on. And yet there is a sense of control in that you are made a certain way but there's nobody, there's not somebody controlling you and you're not controlling yourself.

[19:44]

That's what I'm saying. And so now, like during this retreat, I'm bringing up these bodhisattva vows And I'm not controlling myself to bring them up. I'm bringing them up. They're being brought up by me. Or I'm a person in whom they're coming up. But I'm not in control of them coming up. That's my understanding. And I'm not in control of that understanding either. However, I think, and I'm not in control of this thought, that I am responsible for all my thoughts. And whatever thoughts arise in me, I respond to.

[20:59]

and I can't stop myself from responding to them. And whatever thoughts arise in me, you respond to, and you can't stop yourself from responding to. You might wish to be some way or another, and you can't control yourself to have some other wish than the one you have. And your wishes, you do not make them yourself, you're not in control of them. All of us contribute to all the wishes you have. And you contribute to all our wishes. So actually we're doing everything together, and since we're doing everything together, nobody's in control. And as you know, some people, because when they get a sense of doing things together with people, they wish to not do things together with people, because they think then they would be more in control. Once again, this issue of bodhisattva vows is arising and I could be trying to control you and to have some kind of response to them.

[22:12]

But I also could perhaps understand, which I do, that although I maybe am talking about them with you, I'm not in control of what your response to them will be. But I do, my understanding is you will respond to these bodhisattva vows. I may want you to respond in some way or another, and you will respond to my want some way or another, but I'm not in control of your response. That's my understanding. I'm not in control of my response either. But I am saying to you that I believe or I understand that if I pay attention to my response, that will be good for you and me. And I'm not in control of paying attention to my response. But I did say that to you.

[23:19]

with your support, and with the support of a tradition in this world, I'm saying to you that I think it's good for me to be aware of my response to what I say and what I hear you say. So we get together and talk about these vows, and when the retreat's over, somebody in the retreat might keep thinking about them. Maybe everybody in the retreat will keep thinking about them. I don't know what's going to happen. I think I would be happy if after the retreat all of you kept thinking about these vows all the time. But it seems unlikely that that would happen. And the reason why it seems unlikely is not that I made myself think that it was unlikely, but because of many conditions have created my mind to think, well, in the past people have not remembered to think of these things, so maybe these people won't either.

[24:29]

In the past I've forgotten, so maybe I'll forget again. But still, if it doesn't go the way it usually goes, I would be very happy about that. But I also think, which I'm not in control of, that bringing these up is a condition for people to think about them. To bring up these vows and to bring up that bodhisattvas have been instructed to think about these vows, and these vows include thinking about these vows, to tell people that changes the world. And I think it changes it But I don't know how. Maybe if nobody brings up these vows, people will spontaneously think of them. But maybe not. Maybe if they're brought up, then people will think of them later.

[25:31]

But maybe not. I don't know how this will work. But it looks to me like bodhisattvas have been bringing these vows up for centuries, with great happiness and great joy and great enthusiasm. And some people have heard them and had a sense of wholeheartedness in their practice, which they didn't have before they heard these teachings. So seeing that, I see that and then I can't stop myself from being somebody who wants to share them with you. So that's how I see it. I'm very happy to actually be used by the universe in the way that I'm being used by the universe to bring up these vows about how you're all being used by the universe.

[26:36]

And again, I think the more I remember that I'm being used by the whole universe, the happier I am And the more I do that, I've noticed the more I remember other people are being used by the universe. And when I see people that way, I notice that also makes me feel happy and respectful. And when I forget that each person I meet is the universe using that person to realize itself, that seems to be helpful. And then I have this understanding that that's what Soto Zen is, is to remember that and look at that. And it makes sense to me that when people start to do this, it's a difficult adjustment to hear, you know, statements like, you're not in control of what you're doing.

[27:39]

The whole universe is in control of what you're doing. And you get to be the basis of the whole universe. So you don't have control, but the whole universe is based on you. Only a partial view of yourself could lead you to think you're in control. The totality of you is not about controlling some behavior. The totality of you is what makes your behavior. But you are not outside the totality of you, operating your totality. But we think we are, because again, we think there's the universe plus an operator. And we know other people aren't the operator, so we think maybe God is or we are. So in that way we got a nice relationship with God. We're pretty much on a par. I like that I'm not in control.

[29:00]

That sounds good, actually. But... Then the one who observes, or maybe it's not one. There it is again. There isn't one who observes. They're just observing. There's not a one in the observing over here. The one is, either there's no one and they're just observing, or you can call the observing an observer. Take a choice. But you don't add an observer onto the observing, not in this tradition. So if... Maybe there's an art tradition where you can do that. I don't know. But there is observing, but there's not one who's observing. See, you just did it there. That's it. There's one who's observing. But you can say observer because there is an observer. You're the observer, but you're not doing the observing. You're just the observer. You're the observer and the observing. You're not the one who's observing. Observing.

[30:01]

So I'm an observer, observing my actions, keeping my eye on the ball. That still suggests to me that there are two of them. Well, yeah, that there are two of them. Yeah, well, that's what I... No, it does, but like I said yesterday, there's basic consciousness and there's mental activities. So mind embraces all your mental activities, but part of mind is aware of the mental activities. So part of the mind can know another part of the mind. And this situation may be part of the reason for giving rise to the sense of somebody in addition to the universe. a visitor from outside the universe who comes to control. So the structure of our mind is part of the origination of this delusion, of this illusion which we then believe. Namely, just pure awareness which arises with mental activity.

[31:13]

And pure awareness can be aware of this mental activity or not. This mental activity can be more or less unconscious, but it still has consequence. Even if you don't know about it, it still has consequence. If you're cruel to someone and don't notice it, it still has consequence. If you say something and don't hear yourself say it, it still has consequence. If you think something and don't note it, it still has consequences. And if you don't know it, part of the consequences will be that that will be a degeneration of your mental factors. That's part of what I'm telling you, is that you can become conscious of your mental activity, your karma, your stories. You can. But you can also not notice them and think that you're actually just seeing reality rather than you're seeing your mental activity.

[32:20]

And in that way of practicing, your mental activity, generally speaking, degenerates. And your consciousness also degenerates from not being used to observe your psychology, your behavior, not body, speech and stories. Is observing, how is that, does that lead to taking responsibility for, is it the same as taking responsibility for? Could you hear her? Yeah. You could? Okay. She said, is, say it again please, louder. Is observing... Brandigan, Brandigan has trouble hearing you. Is observing taking responsibility for or kind of taking responsibility for or different from?

[33:35]

Observing your thinking, observing your stories is a big, big, big and important part of being responsible, of accepting responsibility for your thinking. It's like if you have a child, to keep your eye on the child is a big part of being responsible for the child. Right? So now you have this storytelling activity which is going on nonstop, pretty much, except in very special states of consciousness. But While it's going on, if you are observing it, you are accepting your responsibility for it to a great extent. It's not the fullness of it, but that's ground zero, so to speak, is taking, accepting, I would say accepting responsibility for what is happening in your mind, which you do not make by yourself.

[34:37]

very important aspect of accepting responsibility. And then you can also accept, in addition to that, responsibility for learning how to attend to and be aware of your stories, of your karma, skillfully. So generally speaking, just being aware will have a positive effect. will be in accord with positive evolution of your story. And just being aware will be accepting to a great extent accepting your responsibility. Then, in addition to that, observing skillfully, will even accept more responsibility. That will accept the responsibility not just for your karma, but for the evolution of the whole planet. Not just the whole planet, the whole world.

[35:46]

So, but basically, first of all, pay attention to your story. That's the main thing for you to be responsible for. Start with. Yes. Yes. And again, this is hard for people because there's a kind of thing in our culture, two things. One, we've said it before, but say it again, is that if you're responsible for something, observing it is one thing, but then people sometimes tell us to control it. You can't even try to control it if you're not paying attention to it. But once you're paying attention to it, then your neighbors will tell you to try to control it. And the neighbors are in your own mind. from ancient times, telling you to control this story. Okay? That's another story to observe and be responsible to that story of control this story.

[36:48]

But that's just another story, and if you don't observe that story, you're not being responsible for the story of control. Okay? Okay? controls another story that we're responsible for. We have to take care of that, otherwise this control story will cause a lot of damage. Does that make sense? Yes? The control story is a real important story to be responsible for and be observant of. Unobserved, that control story can turn into a bulldozer. and push a lot of beings around into bad spots, right? Causes deforestation and so on. Yes, Donna? I'd like to check my understanding of what you said through a concrete example. Okay. Sitting at dinner with my sister, I said something that she didn't want to hear.

[37:58]

And so she said, oh, Donna, you know, I don't want to hear that. And in my head, I could hear several. It was like multiple choice, you know, responses, possible responses. And so I could choose to resent that. Sorry. A, resent. Or I thought the stories, the different stories that arose in my mind, to become angry and resent what she was saying to me, to say that maybe what I was saying was inappropriate at the time that I was saying it. Well, those are two possible. Resenting it that these are things that she said to me before that, and here was another incidence of it.

[39:09]

So what you just said to me now, sort of made sense that I was not necessarily choosing how to respond more that all of my experiences and karma and the environment and everything came together in me in that moment and presented these different stories to me. And because of being aware of the stories and because of being involved in this practice that positive beneficial awareness arose in me and the story that became more prominent was to say that, to not resent her, to let it go.

[40:23]

Although I know that the resentment, that story is still there in me. But in that moment, I was able to give more... focus more on that, I don't know, to not resent her, to understand where she was and that I wouldn't be angry at her for not wanting to hear what I had to say. So I think in that instance I thought I was deciding which response to give but I think that your explanation of how the universe is using us or that things are coming together at a certain moment and so that's how a response arises because of all the different

[41:31]

effects coming together at that one, manifesting at that one moment. Sort of gives me hope that I'm on the right track here to keep practicing in this way, that it is having a beneficial effect on me. Yes, and in this story where you weren't in control, still somehow you saw that when awareness came to the situation, that awareness seemed to sponsor a positive outcome, in the short term anyway. You could kind of see that. Sometimes we can't see it, but in this story you're telling, I would say yes, that's the way it generally is tending, is that when awareness comes to watch, you know, I I'm saying this to my sister. She's saying that.

[42:33]

I'm seeing all these others. These stories are coming up, but I'm watching it. These stories look kind of not very wholesome. Here's some other possibilities. But some confidence that this way of being with the stories, to care for them in this way, rather than believe them, rather than like, yeah, resentment is really appropriate. Or even like, oh, be kind to her. But not just be kind to her, but beware. Oh, watch. Oh, yeah. I said this. She said, Donna, I don't want to listen to you. And then there was a kind one. That's kind of nice, actually. A kind response. Like, maybe later or whatever. But the awareness of this whole process is what I'm emphasizing. And I'm saying, in your story, it's almost like you had a story that you could actually see it happening right there, and maybe you could. But the awareness of the whole process is what sponsors positive evolution.

[43:39]

of the stories, and also of the awareness. So the awareness gets clearer, and the stories get clearer, and also the not getting caught in the stories, even not get caught in the good ones. Because the awareness is getting stronger. So a good one comes up, and yeah, you don't lean into that either. You're gentle with the good ones, you're gentle with the potentially... The good ones... offer an opportunity for harm if you grab them. The not-so-pleasant ones, or the unskillful ones, they offer an opportunity for harm if you grab them. Grabbing either one of them won't be good. Being gentle with both would be good. And in this story it sounds like you were both aware and somewhat gentle, so you could be aware of somehow the causation. Or to be aware of the causation might also, understanding that there's causation here and you're not the only one in charge of this program, that also will help you be more aware.

[44:46]

So the awareness helps you with causation and being aware of causation helps you with the awareness. Or understanding the teaching of causation helps you look and see it. Thank you. Awesome. Before you come, though, Mark, I just wanted to say that there's been some request, I think, for some encouragement for if there's some way to encourage people who have not come forward before. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to do that? Control. Huh? What did you say? Control. Control? So control was humorously suggested.

[45:51]

Big field. Anything else that would encourage? What? Sorry, could you go around the room and ask each person if they'd like to come up one by one? Maybe start with people who haven't been up. I think that would help. How does that sound? Did you hear that? Or also people can perhaps restrain themselves if you've gone multiple times. Allow the space for people to come. People have already come once. Leave a little space for a little bit. That might help. Is that what you're saying? Yes. Okay. So now Mark was ready to come, but he could leave a little space now to see if somebody else comes up before you. Have I been up before? Yeah. I'll wait anyway. You can wait or you can come in during the time when you're waiting.

[46:57]

Okay. Maybe I'll ask my question with a story first. Okay. From the beginning of this retreat, I've been thinking about this, the practice of wholeheartedness, as opposed to just wholeheartedness itself. And I was thinking, when I learned to play piano, I would learn a song very slowly at first, And work my way up. Or maybe learn one hand. And the other. And try to put them together. Screw up a lot. Make little notes. Don't screw up here. And eventually get to a point where I could play. The whole thing. At the pace that it was. I feel like this is pretty much. The same thing here.

[47:59]

Where we're learning a new practice. We take it slowly. And we screw up. And get better. And... Then I start thinking, here we are on a country road learning to drive, maybe make another analogy. But on Thursday, we all hit the highway. And I'm thinking of the practice of wholeheartedness at high velocity when we're back in the office and taking the time to step away or to address things. often is not an option. Or we work in a competitive environment, and it seems like competition doesn't mesh well. I don't think they're wholly incompatible, but it's difficult for me to resolve with wholeheartedness. But to support our families, we want our business to thrive, which means we want to do better than our competitors, which means we don't want our competitors to thrive quite as much as we thrive. And I start to wander around in this space.

[49:04]

And I'm wondering if you could speak some to this notion of that extreme wholeheartedness as the young people are into these things. I really appreciate your question, and I don't know quite where to start, but I'll just start with this issue of not wanting our competitors to thrive quite as much as we do. So I'm talking about bodhisattva vow, which is that you want your competitors to do better than you.

[50:12]

It doesn't mean you want to do badly, but you want your competitors to do better than you. bodhisattvas put others first. And a lot of the bodhisattva vows are to try to get help in doing this amazing thing. But the root of it is you actually want to live for others. You want to be a gift. So it doesn't mean you don't enter into competitive situations. but that you actually want your competitors, you're doing it for your competitors. You're in the competitor's situation for the benefit of the competitor first. Now you know, you may know, that that will be very good for you. But, you know, in fact, even before your competitor is benefited, you're immediately benefited by wanting your competitor to be benefited before you.

[51:25]

As soon as you think that, you're benefited. So you actually beat your competitor sometimes by wishing that they will do better, thinking of their benefit first. And that's what I'm actually saying is the bodhisattva vow. A fundamental element of it is to put others first, which is very good for you because our problems come from putting ourself first. That's our main problem, is to put ourself first. And it's fairly advanced to go into a competitive or highly competitive situation with the aspiration to benefit your competitors. That's rather advanced, but it would apply there too.

[52:26]

So that's my kind of first response to the situation. And then to be wholehearted in the competition without trying to defeat the competitor in a way that wasn't beneficial to them. If you really think that defeating them would be beneficial to them, then you should defeat them. But for their benefit, And so the person you should ask, you should ask a bodhisattva, probably, consult with a bodhisattva if that really would be their benefit for you to defeat them. And bodhisattva might say, yeah, I think it would be. It sometimes helps people for you to beat them. But the point is, is that your point of view?

[53:29]

So now I'm older, so now I can play with my grandson. And when is it beneficial for me to beat him? Well, almost never. Almost never. He so much wants to win that usually he seems to get better at whatever we're doing if he's winning. So it seems to benefit him for me to let him win most of the time. But the time may come when it would be beneficial for me to win. I might not be able to at that point, but that time might come when it would be beneficial to him and my orientation to him is not to benefit me. It's easy for me not to have that orientation with him. And so almost never when we're playing do I think it would really be beneficial to him for me to defeat him at some game, for me to get the higher score or whatever.

[54:36]

It almost never occurs to me that that would be the case. But I do sometimes ask him questions which don't exactly defeat him, but question his process, you know, like why does he cheat in order to win? I sometimes ask him questions, but I don't do that to try to get him to stop cheating. I don't think that's my motivation. Or to get him to stop cheating so that I would be able to win. But I also sometimes lose interest in the way he's cheating or the way he's winning. It gets boring after a while sometimes, you know, that sometimes he won't even let me do anything. So in that case, I think it's beneficial to him to tell him that My service to him is I'm losing interest. I just want you to know I'm losing interest. I might keep doing a little longer, but not much. And if I go to, if I watch sporting events, can I watch them without wishing one team to win over the other?

[55:37]

Is it still interesting when you actually want both teams to do really well? And for most people, I should say most people, but for a lot of people, it's not as interesting when they want both teams to do well. They're in touch with, like, they want this team to do well, and they're not so concerned for the other team to do well. They barely can appreciate anything about the other team. You know people like that? I think so. Yeah. What really moves me... is when somebody when when somebody comes from home and plays the home team and does something skillful and the home team people appreciate the visitor who maybe not defeating their team but um uh doing something which they just can't help but notice is beautiful and express appreciation for it, even though it's not there.

[56:41]

They really appreciate the other. Sometimes the other does something so beautiful that you switch. And I think this is the spirit of liberation. So at work, that's part of it. That's one part. The other part is, If you tried to practice this way at work, what would it be like? Would your coworkers notice a change and think you were strange? If they were talking about how to defeat, not just defeat, but happy that the people they're defeating, that their competitors would be miserable in defeat. You know, our business succeeded, theirs failed, and they're miserable. They're on welfare now. We love that. You might say, you know, that's going a bit far.

[57:44]

You know, I really don't want the people in the other business that were competing, I don't want them actually to be unhappy and, you know, not be able to feed their families. I mean, that's not really what I'm about. But it sometimes goes that far. You know, that people, you know, we have these violent things in us which can come out in that situation and go not just from us winning and their being defeated, but actually wishing them to be destroyed, too. And if you start backing away from going too far, you know, and saying, wait a minute, this is too much, people might, I don't know, they might give you a hard time. Oh, Mark the Buddhist. Oh, guru, I love you. So to bring that up without getting self-righteous when people are going too far,

[58:51]

That could be a big problem. But just also just to start to open your mind to the welfare of the other group is adding, you know, it's one thing to try to figure out how to win this game, but to think about how to help the person you're trying to beat, that makes it a more complicated game. I played chess with a... with an older man one time when I was about 30, I was about 36, and he was 75. His name's Gregory Bateson. So this is a noted, a noted scientist and thinker. And so I'm playing chess with him, and I'm playing chess on his father's chess set. And his father was, you know, pals with Darwin. So this is the kind of chess set it was. Beautiful, simple English chess set passed down to the family.

[59:57]

So I'm playing with this guy and I think, okay, I'm younger and blah, blah. I'm not a very good chess player, but still, to try to beat this guy, to have that be my agenda, it seemed kind of silly. I mean, I felt like he was I felt honored that he wanted to play chess with me. This is a This is a guy who some people think should have been given the Nobel Prize for psychology or whatever. Very important person. He's comparable to Margaret Mead, who was one of his wives. Anyways, I felt honored that he would spend time with me. So then to try to beat him, it just seemed kind of petty. But I did play chess with him, and I... I was trying to play a chess game that he would enjoy.

[61:06]

But he wouldn't enjoy me just throwing it. I tried to make moves that he would enjoy. Now, moves that he would enjoy would often be moves that would potentially beat him. My motivation was to do a beautiful move for his sake rather than a move not thinking of his welfare and just thinking about how to beat him. I never played chess like that before. And he did enjoy the games. And he did win some of them. But he didn't win all of them. Sometimes he lost the game because the beautiful move was checkmate sometimes. Me checkmating him was sometimes a beautiful move, and I did not do the move just because it would beat him. I did the move because I thought it was beautiful. I thought he would enjoy it. That's actually the way I played. Now, I could have postponed that checkmate and looked for another one later, but I thought, well, there probably won't be one that beautiful later, so I'll do it now, even though it means the end of the game.

[62:15]

And I think if he won all the games, it probably wouldn't have been as enjoyable to him if he won all of them, too. I thought he should win quite a few, but not all. And I think it would be good if all the ones he won were a little bit challenging. So that's the way I played with him. And that's the way Bodhisattvas try to play. They try to play the most interesting, challenging, enlightening game that they can play. But you might get fired. It's possible that you get fired by playing that way. And it's more complicated to play that way, actually. But when you really respect somebody, it's more important to have a loving relationship than to beat them. But if you don't respect your competitors and you just want to beat them, then that's not the bodhisattva way, I don't think. But you can, however, respect them and beat them.

[63:19]

It is possible. And with your co-workers, it's possible to respect them and beat them in the sense of beat them at the game of letting you, of trying to get you to be a way you're not. Beat them at that, but sometimes don't beat them at it. Sometimes be who they want you to be. You know? Sometimes be, if they want you to be, I don't know what, something that's not really you, say, okay, I'm not, you know, Irvine is beautiful, it's lovely. Be flexible. You know? If they pressure you to be someone, say, okay, I'll be the way you want me to be. And then, a minute later, hey, guess what? I'm not the way you want me to be. But you do that out of respect. You know, I respect you, I love you, and I want to play this game you know, all the way with you. But play it wholeheartedly doesn't mean that I just go along with the program.

[64:22]

Saying, you know, and you've talked about extreme, the extreme, the extreme, extreme, extreme. Skateboarders who are doing extreme skateboarding, you know, they don't have to, they don't have to, they don't have to want the other guys to lose. to win, they just have to fly through the air with the greatest of ease and not break their neck. But they have to almost break their neck. And they can do that not to beat the other guys, but they can do it to benefit the other guys. They could. But they might actually say, actually, I think I'm going to quit doing this to benefit you guys. Possible to do it that way, too. I think I'm encouraging you guys to break your necks, so I'm going to stop doing this. The thing is to think of the benefit of the others and then to be wholehearted about that and realize that that's what everybody's helping you with.

[65:26]

And that makes life more challenging and more difficult in a competitive environment. And we do live in a competitive environment because most people are trying to prove that their story's right, not observing their story, gently and so on in order for their story to become better they just want to put their current stories right like my grandson he's into his current story being right and i'm not into making my story that his that he's doing that true i'm just trying to help him look at his stories and he's starting to do that he's big enough to do that So that's my first couple responses. Do you have any? That's pretty good. That's pretty good? I'll do. Okay, thank you. Amy? Amy is going to go. And Amy, I wanted to apologize for starting breakfast before you actually wanted me to.

[66:38]

It's okay. Sorry. Tomorrow I'll wait until you give me permission. Not me. Huh? It's a good person. There's a go on about that. What is it? Oh, was it Tuxed? Comes down with his bow. Oh, yeah, right. And he tends to say, hey. And they ring the bell, and he goes back. He goes what? He goes back. He was the avid. Another guy over there says, hmm. Uh-oh. He hasn't gotten to the end of that yet. Then somebody tells the master that. And the next day the master comes down to speak. And after he talks for a moment, the guy who said that says, now he got it. That's about the end of it.

[67:41]

By the way, could you guys move forward? There's a gap there. It's Amy. Now Amy's left. Could you come closer, please? Does someone want to come up? Eric? My question deals with the vows. Yes. And you used the analogy yesterday of living with a partner as opposed to getting married and getting the ring and actually formally publicly making vows. Yes. And I'm relating that to... I started to... I began saying the bodhisattva vows in my sitting practice a while ago. Which ones? The four. The four vows, okay. The four vows. And I also... Sometimes I say it on the bus, on the way to work, or in an elevator, or watching squirrels play.

[68:45]

I'll still say it. That's... That's traditional for bodhisattvas to be saying those vows in the elevator, on the bus, with the squirrels. Yeah, that's a traditional thing to do. So I just want to make sure I had the analogy right that you used yesterday, that there's a difference between living with a partner and loving them, but then making that formal commitment publicly. And with the bodhisattva vows, as far as saying them and trying to be mindful of them and wholehearted as opposed to making formal vows in a particular tradition, a formal ceremony or with a teacher. I don't know if I understood. Was that a question? Yeah. What was the question? Is there a difference or what is the difference?

[69:49]

So let's take the example of the vows, okay? At the end of this discussion this morning, we will probably say those vows, maybe. So when you say, sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them, at that time when you say that, do you actually feel like, yes, that's right, I do vow to save them? Just check it out when you say it. I vow to save them. I promise, I solemnly, deeply promise that I will vow to save them, that I do vow to save them. And also, then we can get into some details about that, which we're going to do, right? Do you vow to save them? And as part of saving them, do you vow to remember every moment that you vowed to save them? So we can get into that point. That's part of what the Samantabhadra's vows are about, is every moment. So I vowed to save them, but later.

[70:56]

I'll say that I'm going to save them now, but actually I'm not going to actually start until the day after tomorrow. Or I'll vow to save them two minutes a day. I'll work on saving them. So we can clarify, do you vow to save them and do you vow to remember that? Do you promise to try to remember that every time you meet anybody or anything? So we clarify the vow a little bit. And so that would be different. Wouldn't it? So you've all said that, I guess. Sentient beings are numberless. I vow to save them. But have you actually thought, do I mean to think that every moment? And you might say, yes. Do you promise to do that every moment? I promise, I'm not saying I will, but I promise to try to every time, every moment I have experienced, that experience I vow to save.

[72:01]

And I vow to save all beings too. Okay, you know, are you ready to promise to do that? And then you might say, Yes. Okay, now promise. I promise to think of saving all beings every moment, no matter what I'm doing. And then I could say, did you really mean that? You go, yes. Okay. Okay. that that's to do like that and then there's other practices like I vow to confess and repent when I forget to do what I said what I promised I would do that's another bodhisattva vow and you vow to do and you vow to do that practice every time you forget to do the practice we just talked about yes every time I want to do it every time yes

[73:10]

And then you vow to confess when you don't do that? Yes. So you can look inside and see when you're ready to make that kind of commitment to that particular vow. And then there's other ones too, which you've heard a little bit about. And then in some of the other ones you might say, no, I'm not ready for that one yet. I'm not clear enough about that to really even start yet. So I'm in a way that, you know, like, I actually can... I actually can do the first one. But some of the other ones I'm not quite ready. I think I have to think about it more before I can say, yes, I'm ready to promise to do them every moment. But you can feel the difference when you go from I vow to do it to I vow to do it every moment. Because most of these are about every moment, every moment, everywhere, every time, every place. That's what the bodhisattvas are into, because that's what Buddha is. Buddha is not just sometimes, some places. Buddha is always everywhere, caring for beings with no exception.

[74:17]

That's what we're aspiring to. And that's also, in a sense, reality, according to some understandings. Do you have some response to that, or any questions? So is there a difference between that and actually taking the bodhisattva vows with you or with a teacher in a different tradition, like the formal vow ceremony? There are other kinds of bodhisattva vows. And like, for example, the 16 bodhisattva precepts are also vows. Those are bodhisattva vows too. You can take refuge and you can vow to take refuge. So we're doing taking refuges here. But in that ceremony where you receive the refuges in a formal ceremony, you do take

[75:18]

recite the refuges, and you do say, I go for refuge in Buddha. It's actually, I go for refuge in Buddha. I go for refuge in Sangha. I go for refuge in Dharma. And then afterwards, you say, you're asked, will you continue this practice? Now, the way we do it, we don't say, will you continue this practice every moment from now on and even after becoming Buddha? We don't say every moment, but anyway, will you continuously observe this practice every moment from now on until you become Buddha? We ask people that. So... Yeah, so that... So we could have a ceremony right now where I ask you, will you continuously... Will you continuously observe the vow... Do you vow to save all sentient beings and will you continue... to observe that vow to save all beings every moment from now until you realize Buddha.

[76:25]

I could ask you that and you say yes. I could ask you that and you say yes. I could ask you that and you say yes. And you could really mean that three times and that would be the same as the self-sermon. Basically. But we don't actually say that vow in our ceremony. Instead we say, I take refuge in Buddha. But basically there's unlimited bodhisattva vows and you can make all of them into ceremonies. Or you could just wholeheartedly, mindfully, continually nurture those vows on a moment-to-moment, daily basis. Yeah, but after the ceremony, after you do these ceremonies, then you aren't doing that formal ceremony. every day anymore, but you're doing what you said after the ceremony. You promised to do it and you're doing it. So we don't, at Zen Center, we don't have a ceremony to, a formal ceremony to receive and commit to Samantabhadra's vows.

[77:38]

We have not done that yet. But we could. We could have a ceremony where we formally commit to these ten vows. Maybe we will this fall do that. But we do have a formal ceremony where we commit to practice the sixteen bodhisattva precepts, which are discussed in Being Upright. But we could have a ceremony to formally commit to practice the four great vows, bodhisattva vows. We could have a ceremony like we recite the vow, the verses for arousing the vow. You could commit to recite that text every morning. You could commit to thinking of that text every moment. You could commit to think every moment, I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma.

[78:38]

You could vow to think of that. And then you could vow, I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to think of paying homage to all Buddhas every moment, no matter what I'm doing. Then you could say, I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to make offerings of my practice every moment to all Buddhas. Then you might say, how am I going to do all that every moment? That's what wholeheartedness is like. So then someone kind of like distills it down to always think of others first. Or something like that. So if you're wholehearted, all that stuff's included, and if you're, all that stuff's included, you're wholehearted. If you're wholehearted and you hear about, somebody says, do you want to pay homage to all Buddhas every moment from now into eternity?

[79:43]

You say, yeah. I mean, yeah. Do you want to accommodate constantly to the welfare of all sentient beings from now until you achieve Buddhahood and beyond? If you're wholehearted, you say yes. Do you want to always put others first? Yeah. If you're wholehearted, you say yes to all that. Do you want to hurt anybody? No. If it benefits somebody for you to beat them in a game of chess, do you want to do it? Yes. If it benefits them to play beautifully and lose, do you want to do it? Yes. Do you want to benefit others always, every moment, with no limit? Yes. If you're wholehearted, you say yes to that stuff, right? That's what wholeheartedness is like.

[80:45]

And if you don't feel wholehearted, then practice those vows and you will become wholehearted. That's how Bodhisattva has become wholehearted, by promising to be wholehearted. And this gives you some picture of what wholeheartedness would look like. Wholeheartedness would be unlimited, universal beneficence. That's what Zen practice is, of course. But you can put it, you know, a lot of different ways, like you can put it like, you know, put your face in the mud, whatever, you know. So now see, now it's, it's, it's getting close to 12. So, um, Anybody else want to offer something, or I can go into these vows a little bit more.

[81:47]

Anybody want anything? Yes? David. David's going to be leaving today. Did you hear that, David? Yes, I heard that. I was aware. I have a question about to continue a conversation that we had about knowing what to do in situations. Knowing what to do. So there's an idea of taking care of things. Okay. And I think the idea is to be aware of what's going on. And there's this idea of taking care and doing right.

[82:48]

And I'm a little confused about intent, I guess, and vow, because I'm thinking that if I'm aware of things as they're happening, that I may have to give up the idea of being right. If you're aware of things that are happening and your awareness is wholehearted, you would, in becoming wholeheartedly aware, you would give up being right and you would also give up being wrong. In wholeheartedness you have to give everything. You can say give everything up, but you can also say make everything a gift. Wholeheartedness and generosity, true generosity and wholeheartedness, same thing. So if this being right is around, give it away.

[83:52]

If being wrong is around, give it away. Happy to give wrong away, but also give right. Give whatever you got away, That's wholeheartedness. So I'm not sure I understand how to give away being wrong. Are you? How do you give away? Let's see. So let's say you feel like you're wrong. Let's say I feel like I'm wrong. I say, hey, David, here. Hey, I'm wrong. I give it to you as a gift. I was wrong. It was a gift to you. So like, you know, there are some stories in the tradition of the teacher saying, you know, this is the way things are, and the student's saying, excuse me, teacher, that's not the way they are, they're this way. And the teacher's saying, oh, you're right, I was wrong. So in that case the teacher gives the student that they were wrong.

[84:57]

But giving it means you give it. It doesn't mean you give it to, you know, become famous. Although he did become famous. So you give it but not trying to, you know, make some points like, oh yeah, now they think I'm a really good teacher because I can admit I'm wrong. No, you just give it as a gift and say, oh, I was wrong. And you give it like, oh, I want this to be a gift to you, to know that I think I'm wrong, and to know that you're right. It's a gift to you. Does that make sense, that way? Yeah. That's very hard for me to give up the idea of being wrong or right. It's give up, but also make it a gift. So if you have the idea that you're wrong... then just make it a gift. Now, I think I was wrong there. That's what I think. I think I was wrong. And I give that, I make that a gift to the Buddhas.

[86:00]

And it's a gift to the Buddha as my practice of noticing that I think I'm wrong and being gentle with that, making it a gift. Or I think I'm right. Hey, you know, I can't help it. I'm sorry, you know. I think I'm right. Like some people say, I can't help it. You know, I am right, and there's nothing I can do about it, because I am right. But it's slightly different from, I think I'm right, and I give you the gift of letting you know that I think I'm right. I want to make it a gift so I don't, like, sink into that story. It's not like I want to get rid of, because I do think I'm right, or I do think that's a better way to do it, but I give that as a gift. So this comes up quite frequently, especially if you're like a teacher. If you're playing the role of a teacher, people ask what you think, and you think, I think this is the best way to do it. I think this is the right way to do it. But you give that as a gift, not to get them to do it. Or as a parent, you say, I want you to do it this way.

[87:04]

I think this is the best way to do it. And to give that as a gift, not to manipulate or control them. So I can't help it. I do think that this is the right way to do it. I do think two plus two is four, but I give that as a gift to you. And if you say two plus two is five, I'm still with you. And again, with my grandson, we get into that kind of stuff quite frequently. Especially around Burger King. He wants to go, and I don't want to take him. And, you know, I tell them my reasons. You know, I tell them how these fast food companies are, you know, seem to be contributing. I have a story that they seem to be contributing to diabetes and things like that and obesity in our population. And, you know, it's probably various reasons contributing to it. It's cheap, it's fast, and so on.

[88:06]

But, you know, I said, I want to contribute to this thing. And also, it's contributing to hypnotizing children to want to go there, like you, you know. And he says to me, no, actually, he said, actually, only 20% of Burger King food is junk food. So he just makes that up, you know. Good story. But I just tell them, your grandfather is giving you the gift of telling you he doesn't want to take you there. I have this story that it's not good to take you to Burger King. That's what I'm giving to you. And I'm not doing that to really control you. And so we try to work with that. So are the precepts then a framework around to work with the idea of right and wrong, giving up right and wrong?

[89:07]

Are they a frame to work with right and wrong? Yeah. But the most important thing about the precepts is that they are, well, I shouldn't say the most important, but I think of it more as a framework to grow enlightenment on. And you can grow enlightenment on dealing with right and wrong. They're like a trellis. I like the image of a trellis to grow enlightenment on. But enlightenment's not the trellis. It's this like a wisteria that grows on the trellis, which touches the trellis but does all this other living stuff. And So the precepts are something to learn to be gentle with and upright with and flexible with. If you tighten up around the precepts, you won't open to enlightenment.

[90:14]

If you tighten up around following them, if you tighten up around violating them, if you stiff and mean around the precepts, not to mention if you lean into them or lean away from them, if you don't harmonize with them, attach to them, then you will not open to the truth. That's very helpful. But if you touch them gently, again and again, you will see the... you will meet the Buddha. You can touch other things too, other beings, but the precepts are particularly set up, see if you can touch them without grasping them. See if you can touch the practicing good without tightening, without stiffening. And then your friends can also help you. They can see, okay, you received those precepts and now you're tightening around them. Or you received these precepts and now you're ignoring them.

[91:18]

So you ignore them and you publicly say, I want to practice the precepts. If you ignore them, your friends can say, are you practicing the precepts? And you say, oh. And if you're following them but too tightly, your friends can say, oh, too tight. You're killing the precepts. So to be with the precepts in a relaxed way of not liking or disliking the precepts, not liking or disliking good, not liking or disliking evil, being that way with good and evil, loving good and evil, you'll meet Buddha. So precepts are to meet Buddha. They're not to be good people and avoid being bad people. But trying to be a good person and avoiding a bad person, being a bad person in a gentle way, you meet Buddha. They're about Buddha. They're not about good people and bad people. But you have to deal with good and bad people in order to meet Buddha. If you avoid good and bad people, you're going to avoid Buddha.

[92:23]

If you open to good and bad people and treat them the same, basically love them both, open to your good and bad stories and treat them the same, love them both, love the full variety of good and evil, you'll meet the Buddha. You'll meet all the Buddhas. And also meeting the Buddhas will help you meet good and evil in a way that opens you to Buddhas. That's why we vow to meet the Buddhas, to ask the Buddhas to have a relationship with Buddhas, because we can't actually face good and evil all by ourself without tightening up. We can face good and evil all by ourself, yes, but then we're going to tighten up. If you think, I'm going to face good and evil all by myself, And I'm going to practice being gentle and upright with good and evil all by myself where you won't be successful. But with the help of the Buddhas and all the Bodhisattvas who I invite to support me and out of my devotion to them I practice these precepts, then I might be able to meet the precepts in such a way that I can meet the Buddhas.

[93:38]

that I can meet what is free of good and evil. Buddha is not stuck in good and, you know, not connected with evil. Buddha embraces everything. That make sense? That makes sense. Thank you. You're welcome. Can I say goodbye to people? Yes, please say goodbye to people. Thank you very much. And yesterday, this morning, Joanne left. She said she wasn't feeling well. And yesterday, Jane left. I said, well, what should I say to them? She said, well, maybe you could tell them I bit off more than I could chew. So she was just... She just felt like, that's what I said I'd say to you. And she wishes you all well. She seemed to be fine, but she thought she should leave.

[94:43]

And I said, well, if you feel better later, you can come back. She might come back, but she just felt that the retreat was a bit much. About it? Jody, did Jody leave? Yes. Was she planning to leave? Yes. And Don will come back. He went to work today. He'll come back tonight, I think. Yes? Christopher. Christopher left, yes. Christopher left yesterday. He was planning to leave yesterday from the beginning. But I don't think Jane was planning to leave. And did Susan leave? Yes. Susan went to say goodbye in the kitchen. Okay. Was she also planning to leave? Yes. Okay. Okay. We're shrinking. We're shrinking, it's true.

[95:46]

We're shrinking and we're also perhaps expanding. There ought to be a song like that now. I wonder what it would be. I think that it's kind of a new thing for many people to constantly be thinking of Buddha or Buddhists.

[97:13]

It's kind of like I haven't been doing that my whole life, constantly thinking of Buddhas. That would be new. And I think... But a lot of people don't have any trouble constantly thinking about themselves. So we do have the ability to be constant. How can we turn from constantly thinking of self to constantly thinking of other? Constantly thinking of Buddhas. Constantly thinking of all Buddhas. Constantly thinking of all living beings. How can we switch from... That's part of what you're trying to learn here. Yes? Oh, there's a song I've been thinking of.

[98:37]

You have to speak up because the air conditioning's on now. There's a song I have been thinking of, and I only know one line from it. I hear it at work, and it's a country song. And the only line I know is, what a beautiful wreck you are. In it, he's describing the various ways she's a wreck, but I love it when I hear this song at work, what a beautiful wreck you are. I guess that really isn't a question, but I wanted to share that. Yeah, it's a nice thing to share. I mentioned that the other day at a talk at Green Gulch. I mentioned that we're drifting wreckages. It's a line from T.S. Eliot. How can there be an end to a drifting wreckage? And a lot of people appreciated hearing that. That we're wrecks. Older people have a little easier time noticing that. Teenagers sometimes can't see that they're rex, and therefore they do have rex quite frequently.

[99:46]

Yet, to remember that we're rex is a highly recommended meditation. If you have a song for it, that might make it easier. But we're also... And we're also the whole universe realized as a wreck. And the whole universe is based on this wreck, too. So we have tremendous responsibility and we're a wreck. And the wreck's changing all the time. It's not just one wreck. It's wreck into another wreck into another wreck. And this wreck has universal responsibility. So we have to be, you know, gentle with this wreck and gentle with this wreck which has a huge responsibility. That's short.

[100:58]

That is short? That's appropriate. Is being in the present moment and sitting in Zaza the same thing as thinking about the derivatives? I'm a little stuck on the word think. Did you hear what she said? Is being present in the moment... The same as thinking of the Buddhist. And sitting. And sitting. Sitting and being present and sitting. Is that the same as thinking of the Buddhist? It's almost being just present in the moment, like being really present with someone. Is that the same thing, the same practice? If you're totally present and completely open-hearted in the present, sitting, that includes thinking of the Buddhist. Yes. Okay. Thank you. And if you're wholehearted and somebody says, think of all Buddhas, you don't feel like that's an imposition.

[101:59]

You don't feel like, wait a minute, I can't do that. I'm not doing that. Wholeheartedness is already including that. You get stuck on thinking. You get stuck on thinking. Sometimes they don't like to think, just like the... Sometimes you don't like to think. In other words, sometimes you think, you don't like to think. Right? A lot of people think. A lot of people frequently think they don't like to think. Sometimes. Well, sometimes, yeah. But a lot of people often don't think they don't like to think. It's quite common. But that's thinking. Okay? That's not wholehearted thinking. Unless while you're thinking, I don't like to think, you're also thinking of that this thinking you're doing right there is paying homage to all Buddhas.

[103:07]

But probably if you actually felt that what you were doing was paying homage to all Buddhas, you probably would not think, I don't like to think. You'd probably be very happy to think anything if you were doing wholeheartedly? You will think about it, you said, but you had been thinking about it between the time I said that and when you said that, you also were thinking about it, I think. That's what I think, right? Right. Now, can I also include all Buddhas in this conversation? Do I want to include all Buddhas in this conversation? Do I want this conversation to be an offering to all Buddhas? And is that any different from being completely present? No.

[104:13]

Completely present is open to all this. And opening to all this is a way for you to realize if you're really completely present. Because as you start to hear about this and you feel like, oh, that would be more than what I'm doing, then you realize you're actually becoming more wholehearted. You're opening your mind and heart. Like I was talking to Mark, you know, to be at work and to do your job where you're competing and at the same time think of benefiting others before yourself, that would be like a bigger heart a bigger mind, a more wholehearted way to be. And that would be approaching what we call being present. Being present and ignoring and pushing away part of what you are is not what I would call being present. And what you are is you actually are all Buddhas and all sentient beings.

[105:16]

That's what you are. Being present with that is what being present means in the Zen tradition. It doesn't mean being present all by yourself. So I remember you saying, if you can be truly present, then you do respond appropriately. Many years ago. If you can be truly present, if you can be truly present, then you respond appropriately. Right. If you're truly present, you will respond appropriately. If you're wholehearted, you will respond appropriately. Right. If you're wholehearted, if you're truly present, you will see the light of Buddha's wisdom. And when you see that light, you will know what to do. It will be very clear. You will know what the appropriate response is. But if you're kind of present and kind of constricted, then you won't see the light and you won't know what to do.

[106:34]

I told this story to some of you before. It's a story about a French boy who, around eight years old maybe, in a period of maybe just a week, he lost his vision. He went blind. So there he was, an active eight-year-old boy. And so after he went blind, he kept hanging out with his friends and going places with them. And I don't remember exactly, but I feel like he was taking a walk with his friends. And I made the story wrong, but he was taking a walk with his friends, and his friends started running, I think, and he went running with them. Maybe he was holding their hand or not, I don't know, but anyway, he was running blind with his friends, and he said, suddenly, I could see. I saw the light. He's still blind, but he saw the light.

[107:36]

And he said, once I saw that light, and from then on for the rest of my life, whenever I saw that light, I knew what to do. And he said, but if I became frightened or angry, the light would go away. And then I didn't know what to do. So if you're present... I would say, and that presence is a wholehearted presence. You will see the light and you will know what the appropriate response is. You will respond appropriately. You will respond appropriately is similar to you know what the appropriate response is. You wouldn't necessarily think this is an appropriate response before you even think you do the right thing. Because you see the light. So the kind of presence that's completely wholehearted, that's the presence where your stories, your activity will become optimally appropriate.

[108:45]

That's my proposal. Say what? If you're present, If it's true presence, I would say it's the same as being wholehearted. In wholeheartedness, you will see what's appropriate or you will act in an appropriate way. Appropriate means appropriate to benefiting beings. If you care for your stories properly, you will continue to have stories, but you will become more and more wholehearted and present with your stories, and you will see the Buddha teaching you, showing you, illuminating you right now.

[109:55]

That's the proposal. May God help me.

[110:13]

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