October 15th, 2006, Serial No. 03354

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See, was there anything more about fear you'd like me to discuss? I think you'll be saying something about fear with whatever you say. And let's talk now about vow. So, like in both Sanskrit and in Chinese, they have a different character in Chinese for vow and for intention. And in Sanskrit also a different word for vow and intention. The word for intention here, the basic one, the basic definition of karma is this cetana, which again means the the overall pattern of a cognition. That's the activity of the cognition. So it could be translated as intention, vow, will, or thinking.

[01:04]

And the Chinese character that they use to translate chaitanya is a character that means thinking, or intention, or volition. But they use another character in Chinese and another word in Sanskrit. I think the word in Sanskrit is maybe pranidhana and the word in the Chinese character is different from the Chinese character that they use for thinking or intention. So there's a little bit of difference between vow and intention. Usually we don't say, I vow to go to the bathroom or I vow to have lunch. So And the word that they use for vow in Chinese also is translated as request or implore or beg. So the word for vow is similar to the word for prayer, desire, wish.

[02:15]

And actually, In Japanese, the way they translate the word for vow is negawakua. We wish or we pray or we hope or we want. And that's often used in a practice context of what you want, what the purpose of the practice is. But it's similar to, at that moment, that may be the shape of your consciousness. So in practice places, sometimes the group says a vow. And at that time that the group says a vow, if you look into the minds, or if the person looks into their own mind, while they're saying, I vow to live for the welfare of all beings, or I vow to learn these teachings, they're saying that. But if you look inside, there may actually be

[03:19]

aside from the intention to say the words, the words actually may be infused with another intention like, I hope that we get to stand up pretty soon, or I hope they have lunch today. That could also be part of the pattern. And like I said before, there can be like wanting to have lunch I hope this doesn't make you hungry, but anyway, wanting to have lunch and then either simultaneously feeling, and I also vow to live for the welfare of beings. And then those can be combined. I vow to have lunch for the welfare of all beings. So those can be parts of the different shapes of your consciousness. And before I give formal talks at Zen Center, I usually have the group chant a vow that was written by the founder of this tradition in Japan.

[04:26]

His name is Dogen. He wrote his own personal vow, which starts out, I vow with all beings, or we actually say we vow with all beings, but he said, I vow with all beings to hear the true Dharma. So you have the shape of consciousness which has the activity of wishing or wanting to hear the true Dharma. And then if you hear the true Dharma and meet the true Dharma, you will be able to renounce worldly affairs. So I vowed to hear the true Dharma And then upon meeting it and hearing it, I will be able to renounce worldly affairs. And then I will be able to, or I vow to, maintain the Buddhadharma, maintain the Buddhadharma, which I have heard.

[05:27]

And then when I'm maintaining the Buddhadharma, together with all beings, all beings and the great earth will attain the Buddha way. So the work of maintaining the Buddha's teaching facilitates all beings together attaining the Buddha way. But I also vow and need and want to hear the Chidharma because when I hear the Chidharma I'll be able to renounce worldly affairs which are basically distractions from taking care of the Buddhist teaching and working to achieve the Buddha way. And then he says, he says, although, this translation says, although, he could say, however, our past karma has greatly accumulated, indeed being the cause and condition of obstacles to practicing the way. So I want to hear the true Dharma, and I want to renounce distractions from working for all beings attained in the Buddha way, but I have these karmic obstructions.

[06:39]

which make it hard for me to hear the true Dharma and therefore hard to renounce worldly affairs and maintain the Buddhadharma. So the first logic is if you hear the Dharma you'll be able to renounce distractions, maintain the way, maintain the teaching and attain the way with everyone. The other next phase is, but there's karmic obstructions which make it hard to practice. So he says, so these karmic obstructions have accumulated, indeed being the cause and condition of obstacles in practicing the way. And he says, may all Buddhas, or I pray that all Buddhas who have attained the Buddha way will be compassionate to us and free us from karmic effects, allowing us to practice the way without hindrance. So he's praying or vowing or begging the Buddhas to be compassionate to us to free us from karmic effects.

[07:53]

But I don't understand that to say that he wants the Buddhas to come and free us from karmic effects. He wants them to do that, but they can only do that, I mean they're trying to do that, but if we're not paying attention to our consciousness in which there are these hindrances, if we're not paying attention we won't be there to understand how they're helping us. So part of the practice then is to reveal, to reveal and disclose your karmic hindrances, which means reveal and disclose the activity of your consciousness. if you show the activity of your consciousness, you bring it out and show it to the Buddhas and bodhisattvas, then they will be able to help you. In order to reveal and disclose these patterns of consciousness in which there's obstructions, you have to look inside to see them.

[09:00]

So someone just said to me, what if you look inside and see confusion? the person could have said, I looked inside and I saw confusion. But then if the person would tell me that they saw it, then I could say, in some sense representing the Buddhas at that moment, I could say, did you just tell me that you looked inside and saw confusion? And the person might say, yes. That might be the start. That would be a conversation. They look inside, they see confusion, and then they disclose that confusion to the Buddhas. And you can actually do it to a Buddha statue. You can sit in front of a statue and say, I'm looking inside and I see confusion. I see obstruction to... practice the way of devotion to all beings. I want to practice. I kind of feel like I want to, but then I also feel like I don't want to. I see that inside. I'm confused. I want to help people, but I don't want to help people.

[10:01]

I want to help people, but I don't want to help all people. But I'd like to learn to help all people. Like I said yesterday, I was talking to this person who doesn't want to help all people, doesn't feel love for all people, but she would like to learn to feel love for all people. She was disclosing to me that she looked inside and saw that she didn't feel that she wanted to be devoted to all beings. But she knows from practicing, she's heard about this vow to be devoted to all beings. She's heard about the vow to serve all beings. So she tells me, I look inside, I don't, I've actually expressed that vow. I said, I vow to serve all beings. So how about, I vow to learn to want to serve all beings. Yeah, okay. I don't yet want to, but I want to learn to want to. Okay? That's revealing and disclosing. If you reveal and disclose your lack of wish or will to serve all beings to a teacher or to the Buddhas or to the teacher representing the Buddhas,

[11:15]

that melts away the root of this resistance to devoting yourself to the inexhaustible service of all beings. And also, simultaneously, if you serve beings, you're serving Buddhas. Because Buddhas are serving beings. All Buddhas do is serve beings. So if you serve beings, you're doing the Buddha work. See, some people want to learn that. They don't want to do it yet. But they want to learn to do it. They want to learn to feel that they want to do it. By revealing and disclosing that you don't really feel that way, that revealing and disclosing before the Buddhas melts away the roots of transgression. If you reveal and disclose it to yourself, that is part of the process, because you can't reveal and disclose the workings of your consciousness to the Buddhas, to your teacher, unless you have been able to discover it and reveal and disclose it to yourself.

[12:22]

So that's the essential beginning, but that's not enough. So you can't just reveal and disclose it to yourself. You should do it to others so they can comment on it, so they can respond to it. And sometimes they just respond by saying, I hear you. But the fact of saying it out loud to someone else is quite different than keeping it inside. there's more information there when you say it out loud. You're opening to help. You're not saying, I'm going to become free of being separate all by myself. So his vow is to hear the true Dharma, but his vow is also to reveal and disclose his lack and our lack of practice and commitment.

[13:28]

And at the end he says, this is the pure and simple color of true practice, the true mind of faith, the true body of faith. What is it? It's to reveal your state of consciousness, to reveal your karma, to reveal your intention, So his vow is to reveal his intention. But as you know, you can make the vow to reveal your intention, but in the next moment be distracted and not look at your intention. And you can't reveal your intention if you don't look inside to see what it is. You can generally say, I've had some bad intentions. That's okay to start. Well, yesterday I had a bad intention. That's good. And yesterday, based on the best intention, I said something. Okay, that's good. That means it's good that you're saying so. And after I said something, I did something with my body.

[14:31]

And I'm confessing that intention and those bodily and vocal ramifications of that intention. That's okay. You can also confess right now. Look inside right now and see. And confess that. But getting outside is part of it. So we don't want to have a closed system You don't want to just be looking in at your intention, at the activity of your mind, and only keeping it to yourself. You also want to reveal and disclose it to the Buddhas. Because then that helps them help you. Even if they don't say anything, if you say it out loud to the Buddhas, you get help. And also you don't have to, again, they're around you already according to them, so all you have to do is just say it out loud. So again, you put the awareness of your inner intention into your voice, so that your voice has the intention to reveal what you're seeing.

[15:38]

So that's part of the practice. And so here's a vow to do that practice. And once again, when people say this vow before the talks, they're not necessarily aligned with the vow. But then what they're reading is saying, this is a vow saying that sometimes you're not in line with this vow. And this vow tells you what to do when you're not in line with the vow. Namely, I vow to save when I'm not in line with the vow. Because that is possible to make a vow, to say a vow, but inside it's not like that. But something's leading you to say the vow, like you're in a practice place, and people are passing out these pieces of paper, and the other people are chanting it, and you kind of feel like, well, maybe I will too.

[16:42]

And some people are actually, when they get the card, they don't chant it, because they feel like, I can't say this vow, I can't read this thing, because that's not where I'm at. But I am in a room full of other people that are reading this thing. How did I get here? And then, you know, maybe after quite a few times of not joining the chant, you say, well, maybe I'll try it this time. I still don't feel this way, but I'll try it. And then you're chanting and saying, yeah, this is not how I feel. But by listening to it in the group, and also by saying it even before you agree to it, it brings your attention to what your vow is, or what your intention is. My intention is... Am I saying my intention is not... To hear the true dharma? Wow. I don't want to hear the true dharma? Amazing. What's going on with me? What would be the matter with that? Oh, I know, because then I'd have to give up worldly affairs, and I don't want to.

[17:43]

I wouldn't be able to do my job if I heard the true dharma, because my job is one big distraction from serving beings. How would I be able to sell used cars if I heard the true dharma? And then my family would not be fed because I don't have a job. So I'd better not hear the true Dharma because I might have to renounce everything that was a distraction from being of service to all beings. Because if people come in and I tell them, you know, this is not a very good car that you're about to buy there. If my boss sees that, he'll kick me out. But as you know, there are other stories. The person comes in to buy the car The salesperson says, that's not a good one. I don't even know why it's on the lot. And then the boss comes over and said, you're fired. And the person who he said that to says, hey, I'd like to hire you in my business. I'd like an honest person in my business. I don't want you to be unemployed.

[18:47]

Come on with me. That sometimes happens. Or the boss might not fire you. The boss might say, my God, I got an honest guy here on the floor here. And the customer might say, oh, yeah? This isn't a good car? Which one is? This is a good one over here. It doesn't cost as much either. It's a better car and it doesn't cost as much. I don't know why this other one, which is priced higher, is on the lot. I think it's because it's originally a much more expensive car and had leather seats and so on. But this car is not so fancy, but it's actually quite a good car, and it's a good buy. And the person buys it, and this guy gets a smaller commission. But he served the customer. There's like one good car here, and you're getting it here. Congratulations. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next customers.

[19:49]

Can I have a ride? So originally you might think, you know, how could I not want to hear the true dharma? Well, because it would change your life. Some people are quite intelligent, they realize that, wait a minute, three ounce worldly affairs, what am I getting into? It means that you might stop doing some of the stuff you're doing now. Your life will change. But if you hear the true dharma, then you will change and your life will change. And then you'll wind up taking care of the Buddha dharma and and attaining the Buddha way together with everyone, but your life will change. But it'll change anyway. You'll see it change. If you don't hear the true Dharma, then you might think, my life isn't changing. It's pretty good and it's not changing. Or it's pretty bad, but I don't want it to get worse. At least I'm alive, my family's okay, sort of. I don't want it to change. And so I don't want to hear the true Dharma because if I hear the true Dharma, I will renounce distractions from how it's changing.

[20:57]

However, it will still change even if you don't hear the true Dharma. It will still change, but it will change worse. It will change, it will get worse and worse and worse and worse, generally speaking, as long as you don't hear the true Dharma, it'll get worse. Generally. Unless you're practicing So I take it back. Life won't necessarily get worse if you don't hear the true Dharma, if you're practicing. If you're observing your karma even before you hear the true Dharma, your life will evolve positively. But if you practice observing your karma, that will lead you to be able to hear the true Dharma, and then with the practice of observing your karma, plus hearing the true Dharma, then things will really start changing. I mean, you'll see that things are really intensively changing and you'll be able to cope with it.

[22:00]

And you'll see it's changing in a very nice way. So that's actually a vow that this teacher wrote which describes this process. And then I'd like to also just mention another, there's a chapter in a, there's a very big Mahayana scripture called the Flower of Dharma scripture. And one of the chapters is called Purifying Practice or Pure Practice, Purifying Practices. And they're about practices to purify action or purify karma. And the chapter starts out by a bodhisattva called Chief in Knowledge asked the bodhisattva Maitreya, I mean Manjushri, how do bodhisattvas How do enlightening beings attain faultless action of body, speech, and mind? And in terms of my discussion with you, the question would be, how do these bodhisattvas attain faultless intention of mind, first of all, and then in vocal and physical activity,

[23:15]

How is the intention of the speaking and the moving or the gesturing, how does it become faultless? How does the karma become faultless? How does the action, intention and so on become faultless? How does the action become harmless? How does karma of body, speech, and mind become blameless? How does action become invulnerable? How do the intention of body, speech, and mind become non-regressive? How does the intention of body, speech, and mind become unshakable? How does the intention of body, speech, and mind become excellent? How does the intention of body, speech, and mind become pure? unpolluted. How can all their actions of body, speech, and mind, how can all their intentions of body, speech, and mind be guided by wisdom? And then he goes on to talk about things like how can they attain excellent discernment, foremost discernment, supreme discernment, foremost excellent supreme wisdom.

[24:25]

How can they attain that? Because once you're karma becomes purified, then also this wisdom comes to you. And then it goes on to all these amazing, wonderful qualities of Buddhas that will come to the bodhisattvas following the purification of their karma. So the question is, how do they purify it? And then the big part of the chapter comes, and the basic answer is, whenever, wherever a bodhisattva is or are, they wish that all living beings will, you know, be happy, be calm, be fearless, will study their karma, will be devoted to beings. They wish these wonderful things for all living beings. Wherever they are, they wish wonderful things for all living beings. Wherever they are, whatever they're doing,

[25:26]

while they're having lunch, while they're brushing their teeth, while they're driving a car, while they're waiting in line, while they're walking down the street, while they're meeting someone, while they're putting on their robe, while they're taking off their robe, while they're getting in bed, while they're getting out of bed, while they're getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, when they're sitting in meditation, when they're bowing, when they're offering incense, when they're helping sick people, when they're being helped by people in the hospital, when they're helping people in the hospital. Whatever they're doing, whatever they're doing, they always wish They always vow that all sentient beings will be, and then, according to the situation, the good will is slightly shaped differently. But they're always vowing that way. That's how to purify your consciousness or your intention, the activity of your mind and body and speech. by wishing the welfare of all sentient beings in every situation. However, once again, if you're in some situation and you wish for all sentient beings the best, or something excellent, anyway, for the present situation, if you wish that, it may be that inside you actually don't feel that way.

[26:44]

You're wishing that, but there's some kind of contradiction of that in your mind. Again, but the wishing, the practice of wishing juxtaposed to other patterns which are not necessarily perfectly aligned with that wishing, it purifies what's there. That's the thing. If you say over and over again, I vow to hear the two dharma, every time you say that, you also should be looking inside and saying, well, actually, I don't want to. I vow to hear the two dharma. I don't want to. I vow to hear the Shudram. I don't want to. I vow to hear Shudram. Oh, today I do. My God. I actually do today. Wow. That feels different. Wow. I actually, even though I would be giving up worldly affairs, it's okay with me today to give up worldly affairs. I haven't yet, but it's okay with me.

[27:46]

And then you do it again and some other day you say, hey, it's okay with me to hear the true Dharma. And it's okay with me to give up worldly affairs. And some other day you feel like, wow, worldly affairs have been given up. It's okay with me that that's the case. And it's okay to hear the true Dharma. In other words, you get to see that actually the karmic hindrances are starting to drop away because you are continually making these vows and seeing the karmic hindrances and confessing these karmic hindrances, saying, I don't want to hear your dharma. And I'm saying that to Buddha, I'm sorry Buddha, I don't want to hear your dharma. Can I say that to you? And Buddha says, yes. That is one of our practices, is to tell us when you feel like you don't want to hear us. We Buddhas want you to tell us when you don't want to hear us. We want you to come right up and look in our big, beautiful, compassionate eyes and say, I don't want to hear your Dharma.

[28:52]

We want to hear you say that. If you feel that way, we want you to disclose that. And then you look at those eyes and you say, I don't want to receive your love and I don't want to love you. I don't want to love you? I don't want to love you and love your Dharma. I don't want to. And you want to hear this? And I don't want to love you? And I don't. This is amazing. But I don't. But I don't and I do. Now I do. And that makes a lot of sense that I want to hear this teaching. But I had to tell you many times that I didn't want to hear it. And one of the best times to... But most people do not confess that they don't want to hear it. The people who confess that they want to hear it are usually the ones who are saying, I vow to hear the true Dharma. Those are the ones who often confess, I don't feel that way.

[29:53]

If you don't even think of it, you probably won't even confess. Most people do not say, I don't want to hear the true Dharma. But those who say it notice that they have some reservations. Most people do not notice that they do not want to help everybody. But those who say, I want to help everybody, notice, I don't know if that's true for me. Sounds good, but I can't really, that's not, honestly speaking, I don't really feel that way. That's not how it looks inside here. I'm embarrassed because I know that would really be great and I know I would be fearless if I really wanted to help everybody. Really. But I don't and I'm afraid. And I'm even afraid to actually change into the one who does want to be that way.

[30:54]

and I disclose this, and I disclose this, and I disclose this, and disclosing this in this way before the Buddhas melts away the root of this veering away from the Buddha way. Saying these vows is one of the ways to purify our consciousness of obstruction to the vow, of resistance to it. And again, without saying it, you may not notice that there's some problem with the vow. Without vowing to live for the welfare of all beings, you may not notice that there's some problem there. Noticing the problem and disclosing it will supposedly remove the problem and you will line up with, your whole body and mind will line up with this. But again, this chapter says, when bodhisattvas are here, there, and everywhere, they make these vows. So that means that these bodhisattvas are making quite a few of these vows.

[31:57]

And it doesn't say that when their karmic hindrance are removed, that they stop making these vows. Making these vows, making these wishes, purifies your mind, but it doesn't say that once their minds are purified, that these vows stop. As a matter of fact, another part of the sutra says they will continue to make these vows until everybody is on board. So after they have no resistance to these vows, to these good wishes, basically they're cool. They're like no more resistance, totally wholehearted in every meeting. And then they just continue that until everybody gets on board this total wholeheartedness in every situation towards all beings. And then they say, however, there's quite a few beings, so it's going to take quite a while before they all basically join this program. So probably I'll keep doing this for quite a while, and I'm up for it.

[33:02]

And I vow to continue this. I vow not only to do these practices, but I vowed to do them until everybody else is doing them. But since there's so many people, I'll probably be doing them for pretty much forever. Pretty much. Since there's no end to the beings, there'll probably be no end to this vow. To this vow, to this vowing. And again, it's key that this vowing be really joyful. Because if it's not joyful, you ain't going to be able to keep doing it for very long. So we need to learn a way to do this that it feels actually joyful. And there's also some pain in it because you're, in the beginning phases of this vowing, you're disclosing your resistance to the vow.

[34:05]

And you're disclosing something which is embarrassing, and it's even more embarrassing to tell the Buddhist But they are the most, in some sense, well, I don't know. They're the people who are most clearly wanting to hear you tell the truth about where you're at. I wouldn't say they're the easiest ones to talk to because you don't want Buddha not to like you when Buddha finds out about your resistance. You don't want, so that makes it hard to tell Buddha. But they are the ones who are saying, hey, I can handle what it, No matter how bad, no matter how much you're resisting, I'm totally up for hearing the truth. They're the ones who have the ability to hear the worst stories. And they are the ones who have looked at the worst stories in themselves for eons. They don't think they're better than you. They used to be jerks too.

[35:06]

But they looked inside and they saw. And they disclosed what they saw to the Buddhas. And they found out the Buddhas did not reject them for the grisly inner states that they discovered and disclosed. The Buddhas encouraged, keep disclosing, keep disclosing, keep disclosing. So I sometimes look inside and see some resistance to total devotion to somebody. And I'm not happy to see that. And I want to disclose those limitations of my heart before the Buddha and get over them. But I really think the Buddhas do want me to tell them. And I've never regretted telling the Buddhas about my limitations, the limitations of my vows, of my devotion to beings. I feel bad about the limitations of my devotion.

[36:15]

I'm embarrassed about it, but I never regret disclosing it. So that's part of the practice. To make these vows, notice that our intention is not necessarily the same, and that juxtaposition purifies our intention. And then again disclose the discrepancy between the great way of compassion and our small way of compassion, our limited compassion, or our almost non-existent compassion at a certain moment. Sometimes it's like we can't see any. Okay, like at this moment I don't see any. And people do come and tell me, at this moment I don't feel any compassion for myself or anybody else. That practice which they just did is a practice of compassion. And I can sell that to them. And they can kind of see, I don't see it. They did it again.

[37:18]

The dharma is working in you that you're telling me that you don't see it working. It's not good that you don't see it working, it's very painful that you don't see it working. But the fact that you're looking inside and telling me what you see, that is the working of the Dharma. That's the working of the truth. Yes, Chantal? Do we have time for questions? I do. Please, go ahead. I'm struggling a little bit with the pain that comes from choosing the path of the Buddha.

[38:24]

Yesterday you mentioned that we love everybody, everybody loves us, it's part of the path. And you said it causes pain. when we try to love everybody, but they don't see it. And it causes pain to the person who sees it, but the other person doesn't see it. So there's an inherent pain from choosing the path. But at the same time, you talk about liberation. Can I say something? Sure. There is an apparent pain in choosing love. Can I say one more thing? You can say you're choosing love, but you don't choose love by yourself. Everybody comes together to make you a person who loves. And then coming with love will be pain. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

[39:29]

Okay, great. What I find is that that inherent pain that comes with the practice to me at times becomes a hindrance where it is difficult to bear. Okay, good. And then I'm about to leap into disillusion and say, screw this shit, kind of a thing. Yeah, yeah. But before I give up, or I... Give up? Give up, yeah. Not giving up, but it's sleeping. Decamp? Yeah. Commitment. Before I do that... Defect? I see the pain, and I see that's the conflict. I see the pain, I see it's inevitable, but I just can't take its intensity.

[40:36]

Uh-huh. Okay. That's normal. Are there any ways? Yeah, good. And what are ways to be with the pain? And yesterday you gave some tricks where you said... Tricks. I call that tricks. It's okay, you can call them tricks. You call them tricks and then I say tricks. And then they laugh. You say tricks, then I say tricks, and then they laugh. If you say something different, I'll say something different. You mentioned some tricks on how to... What were the tricks that I mentioned? You said that pain was love, basically. Not always. But you said that the pain... The pain that comes from loving is joyful. Not should rejoice. You will feel joy.

[41:39]

You will feel great happiness when you feel pain because you love. But not all pain comes from love. Some pain comes from True. And I find that even that pain that comes from loving is painful enough. Okay, so I want to say something now, okay? I didn't emphasize this point, but today I will. I was thinking of it. I asked for feedback from Alice and she said she thought more sitting would be good. And so in a short retreat like this, if we have a lot of sitting, then there's not much time for discussion. And so yesterday there was lots of discussion and not much sitting. She asked for more, so I wanted to have more sitting today. But usually in the practice there's more sitting and less kind of like discussion. because people have to do quite a bit of sitting and be quite settled and relaxed in order to tolerate the pain of looking inside and seeing these patterns of consciousness and seeing the pain that comes with love.

[42:58]

So we need to practice quite a bit. The bodhisattvas who love beings and feel pain for them, they need to be very They need to have a lot of tranquility in order to tolerate that. So if you actually feel like, you know, two things is when you get to the point where you feel like, I can't stand the pain that comes with this love, I'm getting out of here. Two things to do. One is to go tell a teacher that, that you're thinking of quitting because it's too painful, and get some encouragement, like you're doing right now. And the other is to try to actually take a break from looking at this stuff, because it's too overwhelming. Take a rest. Part of enthusiastically applying yourself to the practice is taking a rest sometimes. And the practice you're talking about is an advanced practice. Sometimes it's too advanced. Like Susan was saying yesterday, it's hard to feel certain things, even for your family.

[44:03]

But family is actually a very advanced practice. You should know that. And when you're doing family practice and you're having trouble, sometimes it's really good to take a break, to rest. And when you rest, it means, partly it means take care of yourself in a way that you become tranquil and relaxed. When you're more tranquil and relaxed, you can go back and meet the pain and not be overwhelmed by it. Because when it comes and smacks you, you know how to turn with it and soften with it and let it pass through you or around you. Sometimes it comes at you from the front and if you turn sideways it slips by you. Then it comes at you from the side and you turn to the front and it slips by you. You learn to be flexible in this world so the impact of your relationship with people doesn't crack you. You're soft so you don't break by the impact of pain for those you love. And some people love someone, but they're tense and tight, and then when the pain comes with the love because the other person's suffering, they just get overwhelmed, and it's not healthy.

[45:19]

So then they probably should do a different kind of practice called tranquility or practice giving in some other realm so that they can be soft with this. And I haven't been emphasizing the tranquility practice in this retreat. So I've been emphasizing the studying and learning about the self. But before you learn about the self, it's good to be settled on the self. and at ease with yourself. And then when you're more at ease and relaxed, then you can look at yourself. But looking at yourself can be very difficult and, you know, frightening, nauseating, painful, embarrassing. Yuck! But when you're relaxed, even if you say yuck when you're relaxed, it's kind of like, yuck, yeah, okay, yuck. Yuck from other people saying yuck about me, and me saying yuck about them.

[46:24]

Okay. All right. This is, you know, I see it. But you don't, you know, there's not too many pictures of the Buddha, you know, laughing with his mouth wide open and his eyes bugged out. There's not too many pictures of the Buddha crunching up his face. But the Buddha has his eyes open and the bodhisattvas have their eyes open and they're looking at the suffering of the world but they're relaxed with it. They're totally devoted to the suffering of the world but they've learned to be relaxed with it. And sometimes they have to go away from the world and sit in a cave for a while and just take care of themselves so that they're relaxed again. Because sometimes they reach the limit of their relaxation and then they start getting tense. And when they start getting tense, then the pain starts to tear them and twist them. They can't find a way to relax with it. Then they have to be kind of like, take a break. Go relax. Rest.

[47:26]

Rest is part of the practice. You mentioned enthusiasm about loving people and enthusiasm about studying yourself. True, enthusiasm in general. And personally, I find what we're talking about, discussing about, what we're experiencing, it stimulates in me lots of enthusiasm and energy and joy And it's very hard to take that bubbling beneficial energy and go sit in a cave with it.

[48:39]

It wants to express itself, it wants to manifest itself. So now you're telling me that what I'm hearing is this energy If it, depending on its intensity, needs to always be calm, so... Not needs to... If to function most effectively, it functions most effectively when it's also calm. How can enthusiasm be calm? Like I reach out calmly and I pick up this striker and I enthusiastically ring the bell. And I'm very enthusiastic about that and calm. And I'm talking to you and I'm full of joy and enthusiasm and I'm calm.

[49:42]

And by being calm, I have a good chance of continuing to be enthusiastic about talking to you. and I'm not going to use any more energy, hopefully, because I'm calm and balanced, I'm not going to use too much energy for any of the words I offer to you. But I'm just full... Enthusiasm means to be full of God. I'm full of joy, full of enthusiasm to talk to you and I'm doing it moment by moment, word by word, calm. And sometimes what I'm doing enthusiastically, I start to lose my enthusiasm. And then it's a signal that I should rest. But I'm not saying that when you're full of energy you should go into a cave. I'm more saying when you start to lose your enthusiasm, when you start to get discouraged, when you start to fragment, that it's time to rest.

[50:49]

Just like with a child. the child's with you, they're full of enthusiasm, they run off into the grass, they get a few feet away, and they become kind of like fall apart. You know, they can barely walk. They kind of lose their enthusiasm for running in the grass. And they kind of crawl back to you, and they touch your body, just for a few seconds, and they recover their balance and their enthusiasm, because they touch the calm body of the adult. And then their energies, their enthusiasm is unified again, and then they run off to play again. And they have to do that many times to learn how to keep up their enthusiasm. So usually in presentations we practice enthusiasm and then calm. But they're actually cyclical. And calm is very similar to resting. Doing good things with enthusiasm is still at some point, you reach a point where you shouldn't keep doing that thing anymore.

[51:59]

You should stop. Some good things you've done enough. But there's sometimes a tendency to do more than is necessary. Like you're doing some work and you sometimes keep working beyond when you should stop. And then you start to deteriorate. Does that make sense? And at that point, you know, if you don't notice it, then you go into deterioration. And then you say, oh, I've been working too long at this. I should have stopped a while ago. No, stop and rest. And then when you rest, you come back together. So fatigue isn't that you don't have energy, because oftentimes when people are fatigued, their body temperature doesn't drop. They're still alive. But when you're fatigued, you're starting to become fragmented. and you need to rest to sort of kind of realign your energies. And so you rest and somehow you come back into focus or you focus and you come back into rest. Rest helps you focus your energies again and then you're ready to go back to work or play, you know.

[53:03]

So they work together. And that's why in most practice places where people are enthusiastic, they apply their enthusiasm to tranquility. But then they go from the tranquility and they go out and work. And then they go from work back to tranquility. So you alternate between calming and enthusiasm. And there can be bubbling energy and at the same time be calm. That's hard for you to see? You rang the bell with tons of enthusiasm and joy. Without those words, I would not have known. Yeah. So that tells me, to me, that what I see is that you contained the enthusiasm. It wasn't expressed in movement. It was expressed in words. It was expressed in movement, too. I actually moved my arm.

[54:04]

I showed you a movement, you know. You showed me a calm movement. A calm movement, yeah. And so that's part of what we sometimes have trouble seeing, is that the Buddha, sitting there calmly, serenely looking at us, is full of love for us. But again, that's part of, you know, the Buddha's a little bit more like a grandfather than a father. When you're a grandfather, you're full of love for your grandchildren, and even if you're not crippled, you can just calmly sit there, and you're just bubbling with love for them, and you're calmly looking at them and just totally enjoying seeing them. You couldn't feel any more love and enthusiasm for their welfare, and you're calmly there. But if they invite you to move, you can move. But you might look calm. So the Buddhas are calm and totally full of love for all beings. And they're full of enthusiasm. And they couldn't be any more joyful than they are. But they're all so calm.

[55:08]

And part of the reason why they couldn't be more joyful is because they're so calm, they can stand to be extremely joyful. Which takes us back to the pain. The calm helps you feel the pain. And when you can feel the pain and not get overwhelmed with it, your ability to stand the pain also is your ability to stand the joy. If you can't stand the pain, you can't stand the joy. If you can stand the pain of loving someone who is in pain, you can stand the joy that comes with loving someone who is in pain. But you need to be calm in order to tolerate And you need to be patient in order to be calm. So calm and patience are necessary in order to feel the fullness of love and pain. The fullness of love is actually harder to take than pain. You warm up to love by feeling pain. And the kind of pain that you feel for those you love in some ways is greater than the pain.

[56:14]

Some mothers particularly say, the pain I feel over my children's love is greater than any pain I feel for myself. But you work up to feeling the pain of those who you love who are in pain by dealing with your own pain and being calm with your own pain. So again, we don't mean in Zen meditation to cause people pain, but sometimes when people sit a long time, they feel pain. And they learn to sit patiently and calmly with pain, which helps them open to feel pleasure. Because pleasure is not painful. But still we sometimes feel scared of it. Like, what will happen to me if I would open to this completely? I should calm down probably here. Then maybe I could tolerate this receiving this love, this appreciation. I know they appreciate me, but I just kind of like want to go someplace else because I feel like their love is going to wipe me off the map.

[57:18]

Does that make any sense? We need to be generous. We need to be ethical. We need to be calm. We need to be patient in order to be wise, in order to see. So we have to take care of ourselves in these ways. And I appreciate your questions. Thank you very much. Yes, what's your name? Dick, yes, Dick. The expression of this resonates very, very clearly. As an artist, when he's filled with what is his energy, his excitement, the calmness, he focuses and expresses on his canvas. A writer would do that. Any of us, when we're in our element of great excitement, There's a calmness that happens when we're in our mode of expression. Your Dharma talk, I sense in your excitement you could sit for hours there without going to the bathroom and share your excitement and great calmness.

[58:34]

Yeah, I could also go to the bathroom in great calmness. But I could also not being calm. And sometimes I'm not. And when I'm not, I feel very embarrassed. And then when I'm embarrassed, sometimes I become calm. I think Leon's telling me it's lunchtime. Are you? I appreciate you pointing out these basic things to me. A couple of people had their hands up. Do you want to say something before lunch? I just had a question. What was the name of the scripture that you were coming from? Which one? Flower Adornment Scripture. flower adornment scripture. It's a huge scripture, like 2,000 pages. And one of the chapters is called Purifying Practices or Pure Practices.

[59:39]

And it goes through and has these, I don't know, hundreds of situations. And in each one, in other words, no matter what's happening, the bodhisattvas are wishing all beings well, and has all these different wishes, going with all these different situations, but they're all good wishes, there's no bad wishes. However, even, once again, those bodhisattvas who are doing this, they might have some bad wishes in their mind while they're making these good wishes. Okay? Thaura Dharma scripture. The vow? His vow? Where is it? You can get it from my assistant. I think it's in the computer. They can email it to you. Or you can copy it during lunch break if you want to. I have a copy right here. Did you want to say something? In a state of liberation, is there pain?

[60:44]

Yes. But there's liberation from pain. Because the Buddha is liberated, but the Buddha feels everybody's pain. And the bodhisattvas also, there's bodhisattvas who are liberated, they feel the people's pain. They don't feel the people's pain. They see the people's pain. They hear the people's pain. And when they hear the pain of those they love, they feel pain. It's a different pain. It's the pain they feel from love. Some of the other people feel pain from love, but some of the people feel pain from hate, from attachment. So when the Buddhists see their loved ones, which are all living beings, in pain, they feel pain. So liberated beings feel pain for unliberated beings. Taking on that pain is part of believing in other people's pain, but it isn't so much like taking their pain away from them like Jesus, maybe.

[61:47]

I don't know if Jesus did it that way. It's more like you feel pain over their suffering and then you feel a joy that comes with that. So then from that joy you work to help them. And from that joy we have a lunch break. And We could return at 1.15. That's less than an hour. Is that long enough? 1.15? That's 50 minutes. All right? OK, see you then. I think we ended at 3. No, it's this thing here.

[62:41]

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