Is this working? Last weekend I ran into an old friend who I knew from Tassajara from 25, 28 years ago, who lives in Mexico, a woman named Rocio. And she showed me some of her photographs, photographs of these beautifully painted skulls that she's been painting, full-size skulls that she's painting out of clay.

[01:01]

And they're really extraordinary. And one of the things that I... She's painted thousands of them, and she showed me. She had many, many photographs of them. And one of the things that I do in the world is I create calendars. And I immediately started picturing these skulls as being a calendar. And I could picture the title. It was going to be called Impermanence. And then I had to laugh at myself and realize that impermanence just doesn't sell. And Rocio then went on to... She said that she tried to start a business, and she showed me her card. It was called Impermanence, and it failed. And when I thought of this, it reminded me of a story that some of you might have heard about Katagiri Roshi, a teacher who was a very influential teacher here for many years

[02:05]

and then started and led the Minnesota Zen Center until he died a few years ago. And the Minnesota Zen Center was a place where you could learn about the history of what was known to be just not very good at raising money. And they decided one day that they were really going to do something quite spectacular, and they were going to, on a Sunday afternoon, invite all of their donors and potential donors in for the day. And the day would start with Katagiri Roshi giving a talk. So they cleaned up the temple and brought in all these people and Katagiri Roshi came down. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Minneapolis, and he was dressed in his regalia. And he sat down and looked up at everyone there and said, You're all going to die. And it was not a successful fundraiser, again.

[03:06]

The theme for this practice period, for many of you who are participating in this practice period, is a famous piece by Zen teacher Dogen called Bendoa, translated as Wholehearted Practice. And this was a piece written more than 800 years ago, and it addresses what remains the core issue of our human predicament, same during Dogen's time as our time, impermanence, suffering, how we awaken, and how we can be present and aware and see the way that we and all things are connected. And he's addressing how we can transform ourselves and transform the way that we interact with the world and transform the world. And I wanted to take just a few lines from Bendoa, three lines. Dogen says, If you think practice and awakening are different,

[04:15]

as ordinary people do, then there must be some perception by the Zen practitioner of his or her awakening. This is false, because there is no discrimination within awakening. Although disturbances and illusions flow in and out during Zazen, they are transformed into awakening and do not disrupt or interfere with anything. How could this be? There's no difference between practice and awakening. What is Dogen talking about? How could it be that these disturbances and illusions that we experience in our meditation and in our lives can be transformed into awakening through meditation? What does this mean, that these illusions and disturbances don't disrupt anything? Certainly not our usual experience, not our usual perception. There's a dialogue.

[05:22]

A monk asked Nanyo, What is the mind of an ancient Buddha? Nanyo replied, A wall and broken tiles. Aren't they inanimate objects? the monk asked. Do they know how to expound the Dharma, the teachings of the Buddha? Nanyo replied, They are always expounding the teachings vigorously and unceasingly. The monk said, Why do I not hear it? Nanyo replied, Though you do not hear it, do not hinder that which hears it. He's saying that even if you don't hear it, don't hinder the part of you, don't get in the way of the part of you that does hear it. This is very much like Dogen's There's No Difference Between Practice and Awakening. Dogen's writing and thinking are like this. We listen to his words, but they're really hard to hear.

[06:26]

It's easy just to dismiss them and say, Well, what is he talking about? It's easy to get caught. And we're always getting, there's so many ways that we're always getting caught in our lives, through the way we think, the way we feel. Those getting caught become part of our bodies, the way that we move. Nanyo's saying, Don't get caught. There's a part of you, even if there's just a part of you that hears it, that doesn't get caught, don't get in the way of that part. There's a statement from Suzuki Roshi where he says, As much as possible, follow your inner voice, rejecting useless things. Moment after moment, completely devote yourself and listen to your inner voice. Then you will see someone who is great in the true sense. I find that my inner voice

[07:34]

continues to get me into trouble. I was thinking about that when I walked in, it was about almost 30 years ago when I first walked in these front doors and there was this inner voice that said, You should stay here for 10 years. And I said, That was big trouble. And then 10 years later, there was this voice for me that said, You should go leave and try and find some way to practice in the world, to find some way to practice not only in the world but in the business world. And again, really big trouble. One of the voices that I've been hearing recently, which I've been trying not to, has to do with somehow combining the Dharma and teaching with humor. Pretty funny, don't you think? I've been thinking that the world is ripe

[08:37]

for a new school of comedy called sit-down comedy. Stand-up comedy is just about being funny, just about making people laugh. But sit-down comedy is teaching the Dharma and being funny at the same time. It's comedy as a way of helping us hear a part of us that does not hear. After all, isn't that why we sit, why we come to lecture? Perhaps we'll hear something that we don't usually have access to, some part of ourselves. Perhaps someone else's words can help us become just a little less hindered. Or maybe it's not the words at all. Maybe it's just something about not only the person talking but the people in the room. Again, I can't believe I'm even proposing this sit-down comedy.

[09:39]

Again, it feels like more trouble. In fact, it was a few months ago, this came up for me a few months ago when I was asked to speak to a group of socially responsible business people, a group that I've been a member of called Social Venture Network. And this was a meeting in New York of about 200 business leaders. And I was surprised, but I was asked to lead the closing session. And I found myself with a microphone in my hand, and this was in the round, so I was surrounded by this group of people. And it came up for me that there was some part of me, and I shared this with the group, that I was really surprised that there was a part of me that's always wanted to be a comedian. And I said, but the problem is I'm just not funny. And they just roared with laughter.

[10:41]

So Dogen, Nanyo, and Suzuki Roshi are all addressing the same thing here. How is it that our minds, our ideas, our conditioning and patterns get in the way? How is it that our fears get in the way and prevent us from loving, from finding real intimacy, from awakening to what we really know? We know it's inside of us. We know that real intimacy, real acceptance of ourselves and others is possible. What stops us? What stops us? As some of you know, I was recently ordained as a priest here at the city center, and several people asked me why I was ordained. And the real answer is that I don't know. And there's two stories that I tell myself.

[11:53]

One is that I heard a voice that said that before I die, I wanted to be ordained as a priest, and that led to, well, I probably shouldn't wait. Again, that inner voice, more trouble. And another story that I tell myself is that I've always felt like I was a priest, and it was just time to do what felt like I was already doing. And two nights before I was ordained, I was driving in the city, and I was in a part of San Francisco that I was not particularly familiar with. And I was with my wife and brother and daughter, and I stopped at a light in the middle of the street to make a left turn, and just as the light changed, several cars went barreling by me on the left side, and I realized in that instant that this was a one-way street,

[12:55]

and I was trying to make a left turn from the middle of the street. And I realized that in that instant, my life could have been changed dramatically, that had I turned instead of hesitated for a second, I would have died instantly. And I thought, this being two days before my ordination, that I better... There was a loud voice that said, Be very careful these next couple of days. Dogen says that practice and awakening are no different. Nanyo says, even if you don't hear it, do not hinder that which hears it. Even if you don't hear, that practice and enlightenment are no different. Don't hinder the part of you that knows that this is true. And Suzuki Roshi says, completely devote yourself and listen to your inner voice.

[13:56]

What does this mean? What does Suzuki Roshi mean by this inner voice? One thing that I was thinking of was, when I was a teenager, I grew up on golf courses, and my father used to drop me off on the golf course when it was dark, very early in the morning, because I would spend the day working there. And I used to make up these... I was the only one there, the golf course wasn't open, it was still a little bit dark, and I would just make up holes, playing from one side of the course to the other. And sometimes I would... I would do this every day, so I got pretty good. And I would put a lot of balls on the ground and start envisioning just where I wanted the ball to go. I could kind of see it in my mind sort of floating up and curving over and landing on the green. And I would stand there for hours,

[14:58]

and sometimes the ball actually did that. And it made me think of this study that was done of filming the best golfers in the world. Someone took films of the world's best professionals and then broke it down kind of slide by slide so that you could see what their swing looked like, you could analyze the golfer's swing. And they also... this same person filmed beginning and intermediate golfers, their swing, and he took... he filmed their swing when they were hitting the ball, and he also filmed their swing when there was no ball there. And he said, just swing, just swing, I just want to film your swing. And he said, now hit the ball, and filmed that. And what he noticed was in almost every case, when he looked at their swing when they were hitting the ball,

[16:00]

it looked very, very different than the professional golfers from the excellent golfers. But when there was no ball there, when they were just swinging, their swing was very different. It looked much, much like the professional golfers. So when they weren't trying for some result, when they were just there swinging, they had a much better, much freer swing. And sports practice, I think, is an interesting parallel to spiritual practice. In this golf example, the lesson is not to hinder the wisdom of the body by trying to hit the ball. Just swing freely. At the same time, becoming a good golfer requires tremendous dedication, and tremendous dedication, sincerity, and practice, and yet the practice must be the practice of not hindering that which hears it. How is it that we can combine this resolve to practice, this resolve to listen to our inner voice,

[17:01]

and at the same time stay out of the way? You can see that golf is clearly a Buddhist practice. I want to address what we can do with these words, with what Dogen is saying. And I think the practice, the way to enter this is through mindfulness. And the Mindfulness Sutra is one of the oldest records of the Buddha's talks. And he says there's the most wonderful way to help living beings realize purification, overcome grief and sorrow and pain, and realize nirvana. This is the way of the four establishments of mindfulness. And he goes on to say, a practitioner remains established in the observation of the body in the body,

[18:04]

diligent with clear understanding, mindful, having abandoned every craving. And he goes on to say, a practitioner remains established in the observation of feelings of the feelings, of mind in the mind, and of objects of mind in the objects of mind. And the reason he, you know, it's like, kind of say, well what is, this is a translation, but what the Buddha is trying to say is that it's not about observing ourselves from the inside. So he's teaching this mindfulness practice which is about just listening, just, it's a kind of careful listening, and at the same time a careful letting go. Nearly this entire talk, although the Buddha talks about these four practices, being mindful of the body, the mind, feelings and object of mind, most of the talk is about the body.

[19:07]

He says, go to an empty room and sit with back straight and establish, the practitioner establishes mindfulness in front of him or her. She breathes in, aware that she is breathing in. She breathes out, aware that she is breathing out. When the breath is a long breath, she's aware of breathing in a long breath. When the breath is a long breath out, she's aware that she's breathing a long breath out. When she walks, she's aware that she is walking. She meditates on the body from the soles of her feet to the tip of her head. And then of course he, you know, it seems like it always comes back to this idea of impermanence. He then spends, the bulk of this talk is various ways

[20:11]

of picturing your body as a corpse. And the Buddha goes into great detail about seeing your body as dead, as not living. And then seeing your body with the skin, the skin beginning to wither. And then finally just seeing that there's bones and then dust. So what is it that, how do all these things that I've raised, how do they come together? Well, Dogen says there's no difference between practice and awakening. Nanya says, though you do not hear it, do not hinder that which hears it. This may sound very mystical, very elusive, and sometimes it can be jarring to our thinking. This kind of talking about listening to our inner voice. But I think this, listening to our inner voice is,

[21:11]

I think, a very accessible practice. It's more like paying attention, paying attention to what our deepest intention is. And it's listening to our voice that can't really be measured. It's beyond weak and strong, it's beyond measurement. It's just our inner voice. At the end of this past summer, I had lunch with my 20-year-old son who was working with me in my warehouse. I know some of you think that my son abuses me, but he doesn't. He's really sweet. This lunch that I was having with him was a few days before I was scheduled to give a Wednesday night talk at Green Gulch. And my son Jason looked at me and said, do you see yourself as a confident person?

[22:12]

And he said that that's not how he saw me, that he saw me as kind of quiet, sometimes shy, and wanted to know what some guy like me was doing giving these talks. Then he said, after all, you've never taught me anything. So I told him that the lecture series was on the schedule and that it was supposed to start the next day, and I expected him to be there for it. But I thought it was a great question, and I think very relevant to what I'm trying to talk about here, that confidence means both believing in your abilities, which we should believe in our abilities. We should certainly believe in our own worth and our own abilities to do things,

[23:14]

even that we might think we can't do. But confidence also means to feel certain. And I thought, just imagine what our world might look like if our leaders were less certain, if our leaders were less confident. Usually confidence is about some kind of image, about appearing in a certain way, whether it's true or not. And what I said to my son Jason is that I have confidence that I'm certain of nothing, that I have no idea where I came from or where I'm going. And the practice was to somehow, with this confidence, with this confidence in being certain of nothing, to try and find some kind of calmness and some kind of flexibility, some kind of freedom.

[24:17]

And I think this is the kind of confidence that we as Zen students are constantly cultivating, tremendous confidence and trust in our own sincerity and our effort, confidence in the possibility and path of not hindering what hears it, not getting in our way. There's this expression in Zen that Zen practice begins with a great doubt or feeling this great doubt. So I think it's really wonderful, this kind of confidence in this great doubt. And then to further kind of ground this idea that I'm trying to talk about this case by Dogen, I'm talking about mindfulness, the practice of remembering, the practice of paying attention. This is one of those many paradoxes, paying close attention, widening our attention and connecting with what is beyond our usual attention.

[25:22]

Also, mindfulness is just a very simple, solid practice that we can all do anywhere, anytime. Some people really struggle with this idea of mindfulness practice because it's so simple and direct. We often think Zen and Buddhism, it's something much more elaborate and elusive and mystical than just paying attention. Buddha said that he ends this discourse on mindfulness by saying if you do these practices diligently for seven years, you can expect full awakening. Then he goes on to say, well, if you do it for six years, and then he says five, four, three, two, and then he actually says even if for half a month,

[26:25]

that's as low as he'll go, two weeks. But he says even after two weeks, he says if you do these practices, oh no, I'm sorry, I missed one. He says for one week, he says even for one week, you will be, if you do these practices, if you really practice paying attention to your body, your mind, your feelings and objects, you will be transformed, that your practice will bear these fruits of awakening and real freedom. And Dogen says in many of his writings, he says for one instant, he says even if for one instant, one breath, just to sit Zazen and experience that there's no difference between practicing, between meditation and awakening, that no difference between meditation and awakening.

[27:26]

So when we sit Zazen and in all our activities, the challenge I think is to be like the golfer who's practicing swinging freely without there being any ball, as though there were no ball, to completely give up everything. How is it that we can find our own confidence in sincerity, in our resolve to give up everything? I wanted to end with a poem by Hafiz. He's a 14th century Persian poet and mystic. He says, Light will someday split you open, even if your life is now a cage. For a divine seed,

[28:32]

the crown of destiny is hidden and sewn on an ancient fertile plain you hold title to. Love will surely bust you wide open into an unfettered, blooming new galaxy, even if your mind now is a spoiled mule. Thank you very much.

[29:04]

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