You know, I can't resist, so if you'll forgive me, let me get the jokes out of the way at the beginning, like a palate cleanser, you know. We were talking about Yiddish yesterday, and something came to mind, and I finally found it. There's this philosopher who taught at the school I went to, and I actually took a course with him at some point, Sidney Morgan Besser. And what he said, this is something, what he said about Yiddish was, Yiddish is such a versatile language, it has so many ways of expressing negativity. And, you know, maybe that's why Buddhists relate to it. This is also the same guy who said, who proposed, you know, usually in most languages, a double negative, somebody said a double, in a talk, double negative makes a positive, right?

[01:00]

But somebody said, in no languages does a double positive make a negative. And from the audience, he said, yeah, yeah. It's pretty good. That's a Yiddishism, I think. Anyhow. laughter is like the bells. I don't know if you've noticed the bells last night and tonight just ringing like drops of water in a pool and rippling out. In this fourth day of Sashim, I've been really moved by how quiet it's been in here. right from the beginning for some mysterious reason.

[02:04]

Each Seshin is different and each person's Seshin, of course, is different, but there's also some collective family feeling that we create. And each time the family comes together, there's some particular quality or character to that feeling. And this has been very still and steady and You know, we're really in the middle of it now. And it's very moving. It's hard even to put a word into that pond. I was really thinking the first evening I was reminded of walking into the Zendo, the first time I walked into a Rahatsu Sashin, and I wasn't doing it, because I had just started practicing a couple months ago, and it was daunting.

[03:19]

And I believe that, I'm sure, I know Sojin was there, and I'm sure that Ron and Raul were there, and Meili, and a whole bunch of people that many of us have sat together with. It came for 5.40 Zazen, I guess it must have been the first evening, it was like a Monday evening or something. And there was really something different in the room. I remember it palpably, although I can't put words to it. It had a lived-in feeling and maybe that had something to do even here today. I see that, you know, people have their stuff under the tans, but the seats were all full and there was just a kind of full energy in the air that was really arresting.

[04:32]

And I do remember this deep yearning to be part of it and thinking, well, not yet. I have to get my Seshin wings. But I also remember saying to myself, well, I'm not going to miss one of these again. Pretty much, I don't think I have. I think there was only one rohatsu when I was in Japan, but then we did rohatsu in Japan. But just that feeling, and I think that I've been sort of looking at the people who come in for afternoon zazen, and it's not just a matter of bewilderment about where do I sit, but I think they feel that also.

[05:34]

and it's this feeling of enlightenment is in the air, that of Zazen as enlightenment and of our collective energy doing this very strange thing. I was thinking about it last night. Most of us have friends who couldn't sit silently for a half an hour. you know, not in some upright posture, lifting your sternum and, you know, keeping your mudra. It's like, it would seem a pretty nutty thing to do. But it's also a very natural human thing to do. And here we are doing it for seven days. Day in, day out. And it's extremely painful sometimes. It's physically painful.

[06:38]

It's emotionally painful. And it's also joyous and free. I noticed for myself, there was resistance. I didn't pretend at all. It was unimaginable that I was gonna sit here for seven days. And yet what I said to myself in advance of that was, it doesn't matter, you know, you can't, it is unimaginable, and you just, you gotta do it, so don't bother thinking about it that much, and I didn't. And so the days unroll, as Sojin said, we mark it by meals. Those seem to be the guideposts in our day.

[07:41]

But the days have their own rhythm and feel the light rising and falling in this room. And something happens and we We wouldn't do this if nothing happened, but lots of things happen. The only problem is we can't say a thing about what it is. We really don't know what it is that happens. We can't put words to it. So this is Rohatsu Seshin. Rohatsu is where we celebrate the Buddha's enlightenment at the foot of the Bodhi tree when everything dropped away and when he realized that I was, am, and will be enlightened

[08:47]

realization covers all of us it's not something he gave to us it's just something that he saw and we're here we are 25 2600 years later carrying on the same activity certainly in a different cultural setting, and it looks different, and maybe even some of the forms are different, but the human form of sitting upright is the same. It's just being Buddhist. So I thought I would talk a little, and I probably won't get all through it. Sojin Roshi has been talking about, he's been talking from, not always so, Suzuki Roshi's pieces in there and I thought I would comment on one and we'll see where I get.

[09:58]

They all seem to have a kind of food theme. The first one that he spoke about was brown rice is just right. We had brown rice, it was brown rice cream this morning, right? It was just right. And then yesterday he lectured on true concentration and there was food in that one and there's food in this one too. One might conjecture something about Suzuki Roshi from the recurring mention of food, but we eat, we all eat. We're eating all the time. It's a mysterious, it's like sitting. It's mysterious. We just have to do this. We had Thanksgiving last week and we had this big meal at a friend's house and I couldn't move. And so, you know, I never want to eat again.

[11:05]

And then the next morning it starts all over again. So anyway, this is from wherever you are, enlightenment is there. Seems like an appropriate talk for Rohatsu. In our practice, the most important thing is to realize that we have Buddha nature. This is from the Mahabharanirvana Sutra that all beings have Buddha nature and that Dogen translated as all beings are Buddha nature, which is a kind of subtle shift. So you might say in our practice, the most important thing is to realize that we are Buddha nature. Intellectually, we may know this, but it's rather difficult to accept. Our everyday life is in the realm of good and bad. realm of duality.

[12:07]

While Buddha nature is found in the realm of the absolute, where there is no good or bad, there is a two-fold reality. Our practice is to go beyond the realm of good and bad and to realize the absolute. without getting caught in the black hole of relative and absolute, maybe without getting caught in it, that seems to come up a lot here, one might also say that Buddha nature or the absolute are of course also within the good and bad, that they're interpenetrating and that the world which is fundamentally empty, they are dependently arising.

[13:14]

So we have good and bad, we have beyond good and bad, but we can't always distinguish which is which. And just in that place where we're not Even if it's just a moment, that's the moment that we are beyond. That's the moment when enlightenment arises. When we're not making that distinction, even though if we put our minds to it, we could probably do so. But if we set our minds aside just for that instant, But then this is, I think, why we sit Seshin. In the course of Seshin, we find our minds coming back, letting go, coming back, letting go very, very quickly and sequentially.

[14:22]

And we can live for longer and longer moments in this place of not distinguishing between good and bad. I'm sure by now, this is about the point in Seshin where everybody beginning to experience that, where we're moving beyond the poles of our daily life, which take a few days, the poles of our knees and bodies and minds, which takes a few days, and this kind of really deep settling in where that distinction to draw. It reminds me of back when I used to smoke marijuana, which I didn't inhale, you know, but everybody else around me was inhaling. And we would be on the road, on a road trip with a band, and we'd be on some big highway driving, and it would be really straight.

[15:33]

And you'd get into these very intense conversations about, are we going uphill or are we going downhill? And it was really hard at a certain point. You really couldn't distinguish which was which. And uphill and downhill lost meaning. Now, you could say that was a moment of enlightenment. You might say that. Anyway, Suzuki Roshi goes on. Hashimoto Roshi, a famous Zen master who passed away in 1965, said that the way we Japanese cook is to prepare each ingredient separately. Rice is here and pickles over there. But when you put them in your tummy, you don't know which is which.

[16:37]

The soup, rice, pickles, and everything get all mixed up. That is the world of the absolute. As long as rice, pickles, and soup remain separate, they are not working. You are not being nourished. Now, that's the Japanese way of eating. You know, a lot of the Theravadans, Theravadans, when they go out on alms rounds, they have one big middle bowl. It's shaped like our priest bowl, except it's about four or five times as large, and they really can chow down. But in some schools, the actual teaching is, you know, people, you offer the bowl, and people put stuff in the bowl, But when you get it, then you mix it all up. So that bowl is their stomach. So they're eating the absolute right there, without any preference, which is interesting, not entirely attractive to me as a practice, because

[17:50]

We love the delicious things that are in our bowls. But you can see how one can make that a practice. And things have their separate virtues. They have virtues and they have qualities or values. We were talking after the breakfast. I really like that kind of breakfast that we had today. I noticed in my discriminating mind, oh, the tempeh was a little salty, and yet I took more, because I liked it, that was okay. And I also felt like maybe there could be a little more miso in the soup. These were my thoughts, and then when we were talking about breakfast, they were Sojin's comments before I said anything about it.

[19:00]

He said, did you think the tempeh was saltier? And then he said, I thought the miso could have used more salt. But then I thought, in the balance of things, once it gets to your stomach, it doesn't matter, it's all balanced out. In the balance of things, well, if the tempeh is too salty, then the miso should be less strong. And so they balanced out really perfectly in the meal. So we balance things in the real world. We balance things in the world that we live in. We try to create meals that are harmonious in the Zenda. We try to create meals that are harmonious in terms of taste, that are harmonious visually, even though we know that finally it doesn't matter at all. It's all going to get mixed up in there, and your body's going to extract what it needs so that we can live as it does, and then it's going to discard what it doesn't need.

[20:09]

But yet, that is our practice. We keep these flavors distinct, and we try to balance them. We try to create a harmony, which is the expression of each cook's enlightened nature. You could make a case that it doesn't matter. You could just serve protein bar or just some drink for fundamental nourishment so that we can get on with our business of sitting zazen. But our business of sitting zazen is also how we eat, how we enjoy our food, how we enjoy preparing it and serving it. And this is not apart from the practice So Zazen practice is mixing the various ways we have of understanding and letting it all work together.

[21:37]

Mixing the various ways we have of understanding and letting it all work together. Even we were talking yesterday about breath counting. The way I've felt myself about breath counting or following the breath is that that's just vehicle for discovering how much space there is in my mind, how much space there is within a moment or a breath. It's just, you know, it's just a kind of practical medium. It's not something necessarily that I need, but it's a way, it creates a form by which we can see how everything is contained, you know, in the space of one breath. If you try to count your breaths, you know that in the space between one and two or three and and come back.

[22:44]

So it's not like we keep this very strongly focused attention, as Sojourner was talking yesterday, true concentration. We have this strange practice, particularly in Shikantaza tradition, who concentrate on everything, which is itself you know, a contradiction in terms. How can you concentrate on everything? But we concentrate on everything. We keep this big, wide, soft mind that includes everything. So everything that comes up in Zazen, the sound of somebody's breath, the little sticking pain in your right shoulder, the joy of the sunlight coming through the window, Everything is included. We talked about this in aspects at some point.

[23:49]

Then we had tea. Ron's been doing the teas on Friday and I came late and I got my cup of tea and they had some cheese. And I reached and I got a piece of cheese and somehow slipped and it fell in my tea. And somebody said, Everything is included. And I tried to fish it out, but it was melting. And I said, well, yeah, everything's included. So I drank my tea and drank the cheese down. It's OK. It all went to the same place. kerosene lamp will not work merely because it is filled with kerosene. It also needs air for combustion, and even with air it needs matches. By the aid of matches, air, and kerosene, the lamp will work.

[24:53]

This is our Zazen practice. But we don't have kerosene lamps anymore. Actually it looks like one of the candles is out. Some of these candles have been struggling this last two days for some reason. these elements work together. This is dependent origination. This is emptiness. Emptiness is in the total dynamic working of air and fuel and wick and globe. And that's just like us. We eat. We eat so that we can burn. We eat so that we can burn brightly. The food that we eat is our fuel and it literally does create a combustion and heat within us so that we can take in air and it mixes with the fuel and it creates energy in the same way that the flame does.

[26:01]

So that's a physiological manifestation of our enlightened nature. That we eat and burn and sit and yet that's not enough. This is what Suzuki Roshi says, in the same way, even though you say, I have Buddha nature, that alone is not enough to make it work. If you do not have a friend or a Sangha, it won't work. When we practice with the aid of the Sangha, helped by Buddha, we can practice Zazen in its true sense. we'll have a bright light right here in the Tassajara Zendo, or in our daily life. We'll have a bright light right here in the Berkeley Zendo, because we're putting all of these flames together in one room.

[27:15]

So this is our family, and I was thinking, He mentions Hashimoto Roshi earlier. I realized sometime today, I actually, there's certain ways that I know more about Suzuki Roshi's family than I do about my own, which is a little embarrassing. You know, know who is. who his children are and grandchildren and his, you know, know about his teachers and his teachers' brothers and sisters, which is, that's going back further than I know in my own family. So that's our family, that's part of our Sangha, that's the Sangha that we owe so much to, that in Japan and then with difficulty carried it here and passed it on to Sojin Roshi and our other teachers and now we have it and we're doing this incredibly complex thing.

[28:33]

Serving yesterday I realized how how complicated and how well-trained everybody is. It's not just the servers. It's like there's this whole wonderful dance that we do. We sit here in stillness, but we also work, and we serve, and we receive, and that is part of our zazen. Our zazen is not separate from our life. And we do this miraculously complex thing, and everybody is pretty well-trained in it. And this is, I don't know, it's pretty un-American. But it's wonderful. It's wonderful to have that in the culture of our lives that we can also pass on in mysterious ways to those we love and those we work with and live with. This is where she says, to have a so-called enlightenment experience is of course important, but what is more important is to know how to adjust the flame in zazen in our everyday life.

[29:52]

while I was looking at this yesterday, and I was looking for Hashimoto Eko, who was actually Katagiri Roshi's teacher, and then I found all these connections, and I found this piece on David Chadwick's website about Noiri Roshi. Sojin, did you meet him? Do you know him? Who is still alive, I believe, and he was a Dharma brother of Suzuki Roshi's at Eheji? same time. Anyway, since we're talking about enlightenment, there's this wonderful thing. There's a discussion where Peter Schneider, Peter and Jane Schneider, and Carl Bielfeld and his wife Fumiko were recounting a discussion with Nori Roshi about Suzuki Roshi from when they were in Japan in the 70s.

[31:07]

And what he says is, in trying to describe Suzuki Roshi's special quality, Noiri Roshi said that if you make a kind of artificial distinction in enlightenment, so he's making a mistaken purpose, if you make a kind of artificial distinction in enlightenment, you can say that there are basically two types. One is the Bodhi-type enlightenment, and the other, the Nirvana-type enlightenment. And roughly, the Rinzai-style enlightenment can be called the Bodhi-type enlightenment. And Dogen's enlightenment can be called the Nirvana. And this type of Nirvana enlightenment has come down from Shakyamuni Buddha. A very profound stillness or peace that characterizes this kind of enlightenment was characteristic of Suzuki Roshi. And then Norio Roshi tells a story. One instance in which Norio Roshi felt very strongly the feeling of this stillness in Suzuki Roshi, when once at Yaizu Station, they happened to pass each other.

[32:24]

And Suzuki Roshi gave a quick greeting, hi, and went by him. Nowari Roshi felt that deep profound stillness in Suzuki Roshi at that time and as he watched Suzuki Roshi go to the stairs to the platform he had a very deep impression of him that he can still recall today. He then goes on and talks about how he was Noriyu was a scholar and he was rushing off to some scholarly Zen event, but just passing him, there was a moment when something powerful, this powerful stillness was transmitted. And then I think Peter and Jane say, and this is something that all the Suzuki Roshi students really felt. they felt with him, and it's inspiring.

[33:27]

It's very powerful for us. The question is, how do you cultivate that? It's not something that is done necessarily with great effort, but it is something that, and it's not just a quality that is, characterological. Evidently there were other elements of Suzuki Roshi's character, but his cultivation, his practice, his faith in Zazen created this deep stillness and he was able to communicate that to people with no more than glance. It wasn't anything that he was doing, he was just being himself. This is, in fact, what we are cultivating here.

[34:30]

I really identify with this next part of the talk where he says, when the flame is in complete combustion, you don't smell the oil. you may realize that it is a kerosene lamp. When your life is in complete combustion, you have no complaint. And there is no need to be aware of your practice. If we talk too much about Zazen, it is already a smoky kerosene lamp. Then he says, maybe I am a very smoky kerosene lamp. I don't necessarily want to give a lecture. I just want to live with you. moving stones, having a nice hot spring bath, and eating something good. Zen is right there. When I start to talk, it's already a smoky kerosene lamp. As long as I must give a lecture, I have to explain, this is right practice, this is wrong, this is how to practice Zazen,

[35:48]

It's giving you a recipe. It doesn't work. You cannot eat a recipe. On the other hand, you have Dogen's famous fascicle about the painting of a rice cake, you know, where The ancient teachers say you can't eat a painting of a rice cake and it doesn't satisfy. And Dogen said it's the only thing that satisfies. Well, that's another lecture by somebody else. You have to give a recipe. We need instruction. We need from our teachers to know how to do zazen, how to let go. Zazen practice is a very subtle thing.

[36:56]

When you practice zazen, you become aware of things you did not notice while you were working. Today, I moved stones for a while, and I didn't realize that my muscles were tired. But when I was calmly sitting zazen, I realized, oh, my muscles are in pretty bad condition. I feel some pain in various parts of my body. You might think you could practice zazen much better if you had no problem. But actually, some problem is necessary. It doesn't have to be a big one. I was thinking today, this morning, as I went to do my vows at the opening of the morning, I just felt, oh, back of my thighs are sore. I said, that's interesting. And I just noticed that. That was, you know, there was some pain, but mostly it was just something that got my attention.

[37:58]

So it brought my attention back to the moment and I had something to work with. So that's a moment that is an enlightened moment. That's this difficulty. Through the difficulty you have, you can practice zazen. This is an especially meaningful point, which is why Dogen Zenji says, practice and enlightenment are one. In practice, what you realize is that Enlightenment and delusion don't impede each other. They don't get in each other's way. They actually co-create. So if you have some pain, that's good. That gives you something to work with. And that gives you some way to be enlightened.

[39:01]

Many Zen masters missed this point while they were striving to attain perfect zazen. Things that exist are imperfect. That's how everything actually exists in this world. Nothing we see or hear is perfect, but right there in the imperfection is perfect reality. It is true intellectually and it's also in the realm of practice. It is true on paper and true with our body. It's true. What Dogen said in Genjokan, he said, when Dharma fills your body and mind, you realize that something is missing. You realize there is imperfection and that that imperfection is just fine. It's perfect. So long as you don't get caught on it being imperfect. so long as you don't feel, you have to correct it or perfect it.

[40:05]

This is the difficulty that certainly I fall in. Years ago Sojourner Roshi said to me, I think in a moment of, I don't know, was it observation or exasperation, but he said, just let things fall apart. And I've been working on that for 20 years. I'm not really good at it. I think because I have some fear about things falling apart. And yet I see that everything does. And that that's the natural way of things. In a sense, that's okay. And also that no amount of will is going to prevent things that want to fall apart from falling apart. So why not let those things fall apart?

[41:08]

And if there's a place where you can offer a turning word or an instruction or a little help that will help someone from the pain they're feeling as something is falling apart, fine. That's good. That's also useful. We talk about enlightenment, but in its true sense, perfect enlightenment is beyond our understanding, beyond our experience. Even in imperfect practice, enlightenment is there. We just don't know it. So the point is to find the true meaning of practice before we attain enlightenment. Wherever you are, enlightenment is there.

[42:10]

If you stand up right where you are, that is enlightenment. This is called, I don't know Zazen. We don't know what Zazen is anymore. I don't know who I am. To find complete composure when you don't know who you are or where you are, that is to accept things as it is. So we have to find this composure. We're constantly losing our balance and regaining our balance. There's this wonderful effort to find composure, even in the moment when we've lost composure. To know where it is that you're standing, even as the ground is shaking underneath your feet. Even though you don't know who you are, you accept yourself. That is you in its true sense. When you know who you are,

[43:13]

When you know who you are, that you will not be the real you. You may overestimate yourself quite easily, but when you say, oh, I don't know, then you are you, and you know yourself completely. That is enlightenment. So we have a big opportunity here for the next four days to forget everything and not know a single thing. and live in this community of enlightenment, which is so rare. And even in the moments when we want to run, even the moments when you think my legs can't stand another minute, I wish, you know, before the bell rings, even in that moment, this is something that we're doing together.

[44:18]

So I hope we can keep our effort and keep this stillness. I don't see why we can't. I've never seen us not be able to do that, which is an amazing thing. So I think I will stop there. I skipped around a little bit. This is not the whole thing, but I just wanted to give you a flavor and leave time for maybe just a couple of comments or questions. Thank you. Mary? Oh, yeah. I'll pass this around. I brought it. I don't know whether I'm going to show it or not. So this is a calligraphy. by the noted calligrapher, Daryu Michael Wenger. And it says, a painted rice cake. Satisfied? And we had a meeting of Sochinroshi's deshi the other week. It was a potluck. And he didn't bring anything except this.

[45:25]

But you know what? This is the most nourishing thing. I really liked it. He just sort of left it behind. And I think this is really an example of what Suzuki Oshii talked about. By all conventions, Michael is not classically a calligrapher. I looked at his work and actually I find it tremendously inspiring. I think, well, I could do that. But, you know, we were talking, Bob was talking about his teacher's husband who just spent his entire life painting plum blossoms. You know, Michael is now more and more, and he has Parkinson's, he has really difficult difficult time controlling his hands. But he, this is what, this is something that he's doing.

[46:31]

He's really dedicating himself to creating a sense of dharma and wit and humor and meaning. So, you know, that's really more nourishing than sesame noodles from Whole Foods. in the long run. Other James. Mm-hmm.

[47:46]

Well, yeah, but when things fall apart, they fall apart and you can't stop them. We've had plenty of meals. I've been responsible for plenty of meals where I burned the gruel or burned the cereal. And when you burned it, you serve it. If you fail, you just let that show. And, you know, I've heard Sojin Roshi say a number of times in mostly in recent years it's like it's so wonderful how this all operates and it could just go like this this is true of our zen center and i've seen places go like that and it's true of our lives so we have to this is where there's a process of discernment uh you can't just What we try to do in the West is impose our will on reality. This is what I think Wolfowitz said something, Laurie was quoting, he said, America makes its reality.

[49:49]

We make our own reality. Bullshit. This is the part that I didn't read, is where he talks about arrogance. That's the last section of this, where he talks about the arrogance of the danger of thinking that you know. The danger of thinking that you can make reality be how you want it, rather than the challenge of being in accord with reality. Quickly. But doesn't that really mean now that the rice is burned, I have to accept that it has fallen apart rather than I don't really care whether the rice gets burned or not, I'll serve it anyway? Yeah. He wasn't saying not care. We're in the realm of language here. He wasn't saying don't care about anything.

[50:52]

He was saying, you care too much. You're making, it was a message to me. You know, it's like, you're trying to hold things together because you have fear. You have, you're afraid of letting it fall apart or you're afraid of how you see yourself or how others are going to see you. And so it was a message to me. It was medicine. Does that make sense? But I was, uh, finger-pulling hard, and I was saying to you, well, you know, I've tried watching my thoughts, and I've tried smiling at my thoughts, and I've tried letting them go, and I've tried tracking them back, and I've tried just sitting at it.

[51:55]

And you looked at me and you said, you don't get it. You said, just don't do anything. And Thank you. And if only I could take my own advice. I think we have to end. Thank you. Enjoy these next few days, these precious days.

[52:27]

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