Happy Mother's Day to you. And Happy Mother's Day to you, Mother, who I dedicate this talk to. I will send a copy of this tape to you, Mother. You can listen to it if you want to.

[01:04]

But let me say at the beginning, in case you don't want to listen to the rest, that your son is happy. And that's because of what you gave over so many years. I was fortunate when I was a little boy that I was sick, so you gave me extra special attention. You told me a number of occasions how my large head almost killed you.

[02:11]

And because the delivery was so difficult, they had to use forceps to pull me out. which deformed my soft little skull. So I was a particularly ugly baby, you said. The ugly and you're first born. But you took my little head in your hands and you shaped it and reshaped it until it was not so badly shaped. And I've kept it shaved so everyone can see. your excellent sculpting.

[03:42]

I wish you'd worked on my nose too. but I've adjusted to its lack of character. I don't know what you did, but somehow I think you had something to do with the fact I really appreciate women. So thank you, Mother, for however you conveyed that to me. So my talk is not just dedicated to you, but actually my talk is going to be about mothers or mothering.

[05:12]

And I'm going to talk about two kinds of mother, which are not separate but spoken of differently. One kind of mother is the mother of humans, and the other kind of mother is the mother of Buddhas. Of course, you have to have a mother of humans first before you can have mother of Buddhas. So they're dependent on each other, but there's a little different function. Mothers have many functions, but I'd like to emphasize a particular set of functions within the total range of the mother's function. And that is, I guess, the function that the mother plays in relationship to the child, which helps develop the brain in such a way that the person, the little child, has the ability to work with

[06:50]

the deeper, the deepest and sometimes primitive centers of the brain. And in particular, I want to talk about light and eyes and faces, how that works and also then talk about the same thing in relationship to the birth of Buddhas. So it turns out that certain psychologists propose that there is a region of our brain, of the cortex, that governs and modulates the deeper parts of the brain which generate emotions, which generate affect.

[08:19]

whereby we develop a sense of how to respond to the feelings we have, the emotions that arise so that we can get along with other human beings and animals, plants and cars. and so on. So the actual brain development is proposed to be dependent. In other words, the child has to have certain kinds of experiences in order for the brain to develop in such a way that the cortex can regulate the subcortex, in such a way that the cortex can somewhat regulate emotional response.

[09:45]

And this experience itself is a kind of emotional experience. But it's not just an inner emotional experience, it's a social emotional experience. And this experience is embedded in stimulation which comes up in the relationship between the primary caregiver and the infant. And within the relationship between the mother primary caregiver and the infant, within that total range of a relationship, there's a particular type of visual information which conveys the caregiver's emotional response to the infant in a way that's critical to the development of social-emotional development.

[10:52]

And it is even more particularly in the gaze between the caregiver and the infant, where the mother's facial expression stimulates and amplifies positive affect in the infant. In a sense, the eye is an extension of the brain. Over evolution, it may be in relationship to the eye, but now, at this point in evolution for human beings, the eye has turned around and become an extension of the brain. so that infant looks into the eyes of the mother.

[12:05]

The infant actually can see what's going on in the mother's brain. And the mother conveys, in a sense, affects that are going on in her through her eyes to the baby's eye and then back into the baby's brain and stimulates that part of the baby's brain which she's conveying namely the social emotional part of the brain the stimulation those physical qualities of the brain do not mature properly and all kinds of problems develop from that immaturity. And it turns out that when the mother looks at the baby and conveys what's going on, and the baby has a positive response to that kind of attention,

[13:19]

Mother then also sees into the baby and sees that positive response and feels it herself and then sends it back to the baby so it gets higher and higher and higher until it reaches the maximum. And it has to reach a certain maximum to cause certain chemical reactions to happen and to stimulate the development and imprinting the development on the brain. And if it goes any higher than that, the baby has to turn away from the look, looking at the mother. And the baby can do that. This mutual gaze, gazing at each other, is, in some sense, the mother isn't doing for the baby to do that because when the baby displays this face and these eyes, it naturally, it can easily stimulate positive affect in the child, in the parent, in the caregiver.

[14:39]

So it's not so hard to look back at those little eyes. And those eyes also are happy to see the eyes looking at them with such positive emotion. The hard part, I think, is not so much just looking in the area in the first place, to be there enough under all that's going on to somehow bring your face to the relationship so that this thing can happen. So without going too far afield, I just parenthetically mention that putting babies in orphanages or places where they don't get this kind of facial exposure and interfacial transactions, their brains won't develop properly, and they will not be able to function. as well as if they somehow had these faces looking at them and these eyes conveying this attention.

[15:52]

So one statement kind of the aphorism is that the most significant relevant interaction between the mother and child usually lie in the visual area. Of course, this is in terms of significant for the development of the brain and being able to interact socially, not necessarily food-wise. The most significant between mother and child lie in the visual area, in the eye-to-eye contact where the child's bodily display is responded to by the gleam in the mother's eye. And a gleam is a fleeting or flashing light or a steady but subdued glow.

[17:06]

Light. Light from the mother's eye going into the baby's eye. Now, of course, there's light bouncing off. That means light bounces off the mother's eye and that light goes in the baby's eye. Mother's face into the baby's face. Light bounces off a lot of other things into the baby's face, too. But particularly light bouncing off the mother's face and off the mother's eye into the baby's eye is particularly and especially important. So from early times, looking in people's faces and looking in people's eyes is very important to us. And this is a function which somebody has to do for the little humans.

[18:09]

Whether it's male or female, someone has to look in these eyes and feel this positive emotion. And when the baby sees that positive emotion, the baby feels a positive emotion. And when the baby feels a positive emotion and looks back in those eyes, those eyes feel a positive emotion. And it's amplified. And again, that amplified emotion goes back into the baby's eyes and the baby feels even more happy. And then that more happiness goes back and amplifies the other eyes. And then that amplified thing goes back in the baby until it gets so intense that it actually has a physical not visceral, but actually physical central nervous system transformation occurs. And it is a model for social interaction and matching and mirroring state.

[19:22]

And this happens in little, little tiny babies. somebody said that development where human infants are not as skillful, you know, motor-wise, are not as skillful as their contemporary primates, like chimpanzees, where little baby chimpanzees are more skillful physically than our little babies. At that age, the human infant can already distinguish faces and recognize its own face in a mirror. So the human animal is very advanced in terms of these eyes and the face recognition, very advanced, way ahead of its motor ability.

[20:33]

The early development is mostly social, Secondarily, learning the motor, the neuromotor things. Very early, so we're very much eye-face creatures. And in Buddhism, we talk about the transmission of the truth, transmission of the teaching as a face-to-face affair, an eye-to-eye, also finger-to-finger, body-to-body. face and the eye are especially important. So I guess I'd I thank and implore all of us to work to make sure that our little ones have attention.

[21:41]

that this will be a very important part in the next generations being able to get along with each other, to make sure that babies get this kind of care, to make sure that somebody, mothers or other caregivers, are supported to give this kind of intense loving attention because the babies need it, and if they don't get it, they're going to be, what do you call it, having on. And to whatever extent we didn't get that right, we have to struggle with that now. But if we are having any trouble, all the more reason to work for... the little ones getting a better chance than we got.

[22:44]

Now I'm going to make something of a leap And that leap is that once we are recognized, sense of something over here recognized, and that the world's looking at us and saying, you're over here and you're wonderful, and we're over here and we're not you. and we start to develop a sense of self, and we start to develop a sense that our self is independent, even though, as you may be already able to see, our whole ability to function in the world is dependent on our relationship with others, and our sense of our self is dependent on the other's faces and eyes.

[24:09]

I propose that in cases where little humans don't get these faces and these eyes looking at them, they will not have the ability all by themselves, they will not be able to come at the conclusion and idea that they're independent, that they will not be able to develop a sense of self without the care of . We can't do it. It won't happen. And in the very rare cases where it has happened that people got no contact and no faces, not only didn't they develop, not only didn't their brain develop, not only didn't they develop the ability to control and modify their emotions appropriately, but they also developed a sense of self. We have so few cases of this where there's no contact that it's, you know, there's not much basis for it, but in terms of reasoning, you may be able to see that you can't come up with a self without the other.

[25:16]

There has to be a not-you out there for their self, which, of course, is nonsense. That you get an independent self, independence on others. But that's, in fact, how we get it. We get an independent self through the kindness and support of others. And by separating ourselves is how we are dependent on them and think that we're independent. And then this independence becomes, this idea of independence, this belief in independence, becomes the basis for selfish action, which is the basis for all the problems in the world that are optional.

[26:24]

It's always going to be a problem to Kleinmar at Everest. It's always going to be difficult. There's always going to be some adjustment problems in delivering babies through the womb. There's always going to be some adjustment problems to disease, overheat, and physical injury. But we also have all kinds of other problems. We have problems with fear and anxiety, constantly, because of our belief in independence. And our belief in independence is, at a certain point in our development, is from... We always, moment by moment, believe that we're independent of others. We keep track of that all the time. We maintain that delusion moment by moment. It's in our continuity of our awareness that we feel independent from others. Sometimes sensitive people in our society are. Sometimes how insensitive they are to others

[27:27]

Well, maybe insensitive in the sense of a lot of people have not much empathy for others or care about others, but I think everybody is very sensitive to others, sensitive to what isn't them. And if you're not, then you're a little less sensitive than very sensitive, and that's a developmental problem. But a lot of people who are called in, people who are very sensitive, they're very sensitive to which car is theirs. And whether there's a tiny dent in their car, they're very sensitive to. And they're very sensitive to the fact that a scratch is on their car and not on somebody else's. They're very sensitive to that, so that when there's a scratch on somebody else's car, they can tell that it's on the other car. and it doesn't bother them. And when it's on their car they can tell and it does bother them.

[28:33]

And also the size of the scratch and what part of the car it's on. They're very sensitive. People are very sensitive to whether they lose an earring and which earring it is. All that we're very sensitive to and this is this is part of what it takes to be a person. But to believe that it's true that we're independent, this is our main problem. So the light which we get from our mother's eye helps us be a person, but the light which is the inner relationship between our self and our mother. That light is the light which liberates us from selfishness.

[29:35]

So there's two lights. One light is a light which gives rise to our sense of self. and helps us learn how to control and govern this self's emotions. The other kind of self is a self which illuminates the delusion of our independence. One kind of light leads to our establishment of an independent self, and we have to have that in order to get along in the world. The other kind of light illuminates the illusion and delusion of our independence. and sets us free from selfishness. And this light which sets us free from selfishness is the light of inner dependence. And this light is called perfect wisdom. The wisdom which sees our interdependence.

[30:48]

And when we see this light and understand it, Buddha is born. So how do we see this light? which is in every eye we see, in every face we see, which is in us, which is everywhere, which is in each thing. How do we see this light of perfect wisdom? Any ideas?

[32:07]

Well, you may be surprised to hear this from me, but the way you enter into vision, this kind of vision, the way you see the light is to not move. from where you are right now, in this present moment. And when this talk's over and you walk out of this room, the way to see the light is that every step you take out of this room, in each step you take, don't move. in every step you take you feel that that step is enough might say it's enough but even if you don't say it's enough you feel that this step is enough and right now where you're sitting with the feelings you have you feel

[33:35]

you understand that the feeling you have right now is off. And you have enough time to feel the feelings that you have right now. And you are not rushed in your experience. And you do not need anything more than what you have now. And you don't even what's happening to you now. And of course you don't despise what's happening to you now or devalue it. You don't promote it or devalue it. You simply don't move. you, hopefully, who has developed into an adult or a young adult and have a sense of being somebody, you don't move.

[34:58]

And this person who has some sense of being independent of others and some belief in that independence you, through that stillness and quietness, you enter into the light of your inner dependence with all beings. And then, when you enter that light, you do the same thing. You do not move from that light. You do not try to make that light last. You just continue to simply let it be just as it is and it starts to deepen. The Buddha way is

[36:11]

the face of the Buddha way is absorption in this light. And the entrance into this light is to simply not move. Trust that what is happening is enough not for saving the world, but is enough for you to be still with, and that your stillness with what is happening will open the door to the vision to save the world. And when that vision appears, if you say,

[37:15]

come here. Come here, light. The light will say, oh, excuse me, I have to go. And as it goes, if you say, please stay, the light will say, I really must go. I've got to go now. See you later. This is the light of perfect wisdom. As soon as you Try to hold it. As soon as you try to get it, it very sweetly says goodbye. Intimate with you. It wants to bring itself to you. But it loves you so much that it doesn't tolerate your disrespect. and teaches you not only itself, relate to it.

[38:21]

Namely, as soon as you try to grasp her, she goes. This is the mother of all Buddhas. She shows us the light of interdependence and she shows us how to relate to the light of interdependence. Once you see the light of interdependence, you try to get a hold of her. If you do, she says, bye-bye. If you let her go, she says, hello. If you don't move from your sense of grief at losing the light which takes away all your fear and distress, if you let her go, if you lose her and don't move from that loss, she reappears. Just as I said a little bit of independence, the belief in independence arises by dependence on others.

[39:29]

But you can't see it because you believe in the independence and therefore you deny and you ignore the interdependence. But if you take it from the independence back to the interdependence, it's just looking at another interdependence which is independent of the independence. Namely, you look at another thing which you think is separate from this. You cannot direct your attention to the light. The light is invisible. The light is invisible. It is in everything. It is in everything. You cannot see it. But if you leave everything alone and don't move with everything, it's manifest. This is the light, and then being completely absorbed in that light is the face of Buddhism.

[40:39]

Seeing the light is in the face. The eyes are in the face. Being settled by the eyes that are in the face is the whole thing. So that's a very simple practice, but very difficult to say, this is enough, moment by moment. But act in accord with that sense of enough, which means that you really don't rush ahead of yourself. That I don't rush ahead to the next idea I want to convey to you. ...head of what I'm saying to you. That you're really here this morning at approximately 11.04 a.m.

[41:56]

And you're not into 11.05. 11.04 is enough for you. And it's not too much. It's not too much. You can handle 11.04. It's still 1104. You can take it. You can deal with it. Too little either. You don't need any more time to live your life. An independent person needs more time. She thinks she needs more time. An interdependent person is sad. But since we don't yet understand perhaps our interdependence, the way we enter interdependence is acting like a person who understood it would act. A person who understood interdependence would not be in a hurry for something else to happen.

[43:03]

So if you are not in a hurry for something else to happen, you're acting like a Buddha. And if you feel the impulse for something else to happen, that's okay. Right in the middle of that impulse for something else to happen, for 1105 to come, it just did, for that to happen, right in there, somebody is not moving and somebody is not rushing ahead. Find that being and settle with her. absorption in this satisfaction with what's happening is the mother of all Buddhas. Probably you understand what I was saying.

[44:18]

So now I have some songs which celebrate this. I have my pitch pipe here, which is reflecting light so I can hardly see it. Oh, wrong side. I was using the shiny side. Now I'm looking at the black side. It's much easier to see the black side. Okay, I got it. Okay, this song was written in 1950 by Alan Lerner and Frederick Lowe.

[45:25]

I've grown accustomed to her face She almost makes my day begin I've grown accustomed to the tune she whistles night and day Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs Are second nature to me now Like breathing out and breathing in, I was serenely indifferent and content before we This one was written in 1920 by Sam Lewis and Joe Young and Walter Donaldson.

[46:33]

And this was made famous, I believe, by Al Jolson. This is more of a blue thing, apparently. Mammy, Mammy, the sun shines east, the sun shines west, but I've just learned where the sun shines best. Mammy, Mammy, my heart strings are tangled around Alabama. Mammy, eyes are coming, sorry that I made you wait. Eyes are coming, hope and pray I'm not too late.

[47:36]

Mammy. Mammy, I'd walk a million miles for one of those smiles, my mammy.

[47:50]

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