I have so far concentrated on explanation of the subject of the effort in terms of the Buddhist ideal. I think the subject of my talk will continue taking the same subject of effort, because the effort is very important for us in our practice. What our effort should be directed to, at least in Buddhism, the conception of the effort is of a very defined,

[01:29]

significant meaning, more than the idea, its idea, which is usually supposed to be accomplished. When the effort, the conception of the effort is dissected, the effort is always made up to the level of our ordinal, dichotomous thinking, making a choice of a

[02:51]

good and bad. If you make a choice, the ideal good, you try to seek for, you try to, I'm sorry, you try to seek for the effort in an attempt to improve the effort, your own effort. On the other hand, if you make a choice, the idea of bad, you try to avoid, you try to avoid from the conception of bad in every possible way. This is the idea of effort, which is usually supposed. For instance, taking the example, the practice of

[04:09]

your Zazen. I think all of you come to Zen Center in an attempt to seek for the peaceful goal of human life through attainment of enlightenment. Would it be possible to attain it by the practice of Zazen? So, you come here, you have been in Zen Center, and practice Zazen. After you come in here, the coming here,

[05:24]

you try to make every possible effort to improve the practice of Zazen. Then, in Zazen, from this point you try to seek for some goal, which is called enlightenment. In the process of the practice, you realize there is something taking place in time. What you can experience, something which is called enlightenment, anyway.

[06:43]

I think you are very happy. It makes you very happy and makes you improve more and more the practice of Zazen. But on the other hand, you realize there is a completely different state of practice. Which is set against the idea of enlightenment, because you realize that your practice of Zazen

[07:55]

sometimes may be covered with completely some delusion. So, this delusion compares you to the other shore of confusion. Then, at that time, it leaves you completely in bewilderment. I think it's saying to yourself, what should I do? Then, more and more, you drive yourself to practice hard. In an attempt to encourage yourself to practice Zazen.

[09:25]

But even though it is possible to make a choice, one-sided idea, attaining enlightenment, or avoiding the bad state of your practice, covered with delusion. By the practice, hard practice, even though it is possible to improve your Zazen, in a better situation. You cannot help having this satisfaction with yourself.

[10:51]

Because in the next moment, you will realize a very different state of your mind. Covered with delusions. In terms, in the light of existence, There is something where you cannot satisfy yourself. For a while, you find very good progress made by yourself.

[12:11]

In the other hand, in the next moment, you realize a completely different idea, situation of your practice. So, at the level of ordinary, dichotomous thinking, it would be possible, dualistic thinking. At the level of dualistic thinking, it would be possible to come to a terminating board,

[13:40]

what you are expecting, enlightenment, or avoiding your delusions. But try to look at yourself, based on a bedrock of human life, but threateningly opening it more, in the form of unfathomable pit.

[14:53]

You cannot help realizing the feeling of untrustworthiness, uneasiness, unsatisfaction, unreliableness. This is the reality of your life, what you are concentrating on practice Zazen, at the reality of the present.

[15:57]

So, at the reality of the present, you cannot help feeling untrustworthy and uneasy. This is not something taking place in past, in future. This is really something taking place at the reality of the present, what you are practicing Zazen,

[17:07]

all around the Christian view. Then, the annoyance, you feel is that there are lots of possibilities, what you will have to experience. This multitudinous possibility makes you encourage practicing hard,

[18:36]

because you realize that there are many possibilities. Enlightenment, you might attain enlightenment next moment. Now, at this moment, I am confused by delusions, but maybe, in probability, I might attain enlightenment in next moment. That's why the possibility compels you to plant into Zazen, at the reality of the present. Not only enlightenment, there are many, lots of countless possibilities, which you will have to experience. You might spend all your life

[19:44]

covered with delusions, even though you practice hard. But, you might attain enlightenment in one year of hard practice of Zazen. You might attain enlightenment in next moment. Also, this multitudinous possibility is based on the feelings of untrustworthiness,

[20:52]

uneasiness, and reliability. Unstableness. This is completely annoyed. And also, it is impossible to escape from it, from the feeling of uneasiness, however you try to escape it. But, as mentioned last week, why do you confuse yourself?

[22:08]

Creating some delusions? Creating the idea of attainment and enlightenment? What is the cause? What is the cause of confusing yourself? What you are confronted with? You think Zazen itself makes you confused? Or your mind itself makes you upset? I don't think that Zazen itself makes you upset,

[23:24]

but your mind itself makes you upset. What makes you upset? After the reality of the present? It is when you look at something which is called Zazen. Reflecting on the mirror. In other words, the hypothetical idea which is called Zazen, which is called the eye, which is called the conception of enlightenment, which is called the conception of delusion,

[24:26]

can make you upset. And also, the hypothetical idea misleads you to compel you practicing Zazen. Sometimes you believe yourself, I attain the enlightenment, or sometimes you believe yourself that I am upset by the delusion. Hmm.

[25:48]

Then we have to release something which we must take into account and understand deeply what the way of existence is like. As I mentioned before, the reality of your life is covered with the feeling of untrustworthiness and easiness. Which it can never satisfy yourself.

[27:21]

This is the reality of your life. This is the concrete aspect of life and to the reality of the present. Isn't it? Isn't it? If so, the words as something, something exists after the reality of the present is to be existent

[28:44]

that it holds intimate intercourse with one another. For instance, the way of existence which is saying I exist here is that I exist at the reality of the present holding the intercourse with one another between I and you. From this point, the reality of the present, reality of the life,

[29:51]

realities of the life consist of, consist in the domain of intimate relation with my object. For instance, you as a listener. And then I give a lecture. I give a lecture in front of you at the reality of the present which my existence is holding the intimate intercourse. What compelled me satisfied Why?

[30:51]

Because it means that I always looking at something at the level of my ordinal dichotomous thinking, you know, based on the feeling of dissatisfactory uneasiness, untrustworthiness. Untrustworthiness compelled me to discourage, sometimes to encourage myself to give a lecture with delight. But strictly speaking, at the reality of the present,

[32:05]

at the reality of my present, I cannot completely avoid from responsibility of giving a lecture regardless of whether or not my English is poor or good. I can't escape from it as long as I am in Zen center. As a priest, this is true. If so, you as a listener don't make me confused, don't make me pleased. Or poor lecture,

[33:07]

my poor lecture doesn't make me discouraged. Now, poor lecture discourage myself, doesn't discourage myself. Poor lecture is poor lecture, you know. When I see, when I see something which is called poor lecture reflecting on the mirror, oh, this is poor lecture, I'm sorry for Katagiri. When I see something which is called good lecture reflecting on the mirror, you say, thank you, Katagiri. And also, at the same time, I would make too much of my ability

[34:10]

of giving a lecture, murmuring to myself, oh, Katagiri, you're pretty good. But Katagiri is Katagiri. Katagiri, the Katagiri, you know, which stands completely in native nakedness, can never change. So Katagiri, which stands in my native nakedness, in other words, in just-so-ness,

[35:21]

just-so-ness or in my just-so-ness, has nothing to do with discouragement or encouragement, which I would experience. In other words, the reflection on the mirror is not myself. Reflecting on the mirror is not lecture itself, my lecture itself. So where is the reality of the,

[36:28]

where is the way of my existence after the reality of the present, which holds the intimate intercourse with a listener or my lecture or myself? Where is the true self, which is called Katagiri, holding the, you know, the, who has nothing to do with

[37:30]

my life after the present of reality, which will make you upset sometimes, make me upset sometimes? Where does true Zazen exist? As mentioned before, you always could be upset looking at the reflection, looking at the Zazen, reflecting on the mirror. If so, where is the true Zazen? In its, in its is-ness, pure and simple, where is true self,

[38:41]

which is, who is practicing Zazen? The true Zazen, in its is-ness, pure and true, or true yourself as a practitioner, in its is-ness, pure and simple, doesn't exist in the domain of, in the domain of the reality of your life, which comes to existence in the domain, looking at the, holding intimate intercourse with one another,

[39:51]

looking at reflection, looking at Zazen, reflecting on the mirror, looking at yourself, reflecting on the mirror. If so, the, what I exist, the way what I exist, is superior above, above the intimate relation with

[40:55]

the I and its object. And, as mentioned before, there, there is the absolute plane, which I cannot escape from giving a lecture, regardless the idea whether or not, whether my English is poor or good. This is the realities of my life. Based on unsatisfactory,

[42:08]

or dissatisfactory, untrustworthiness. So, true self, the way what I exist, is something beyond. And, the imagination taking place in the domain of reflection, on the mirror, or in the domain of the mirror itself. And then, you always ask me, what shall I do? When I was the

[43:22]

college student, I had a friend of mine who was quite resourceful. And, whatever kind of topic we discussed between I and him, he was so fond of listening to the comic story

[44:31]

over the radio, that he was very resourceful. But, his resourcefulness didn't beguile the sufferings of the passing years, didn't beguile the hard studies of the coming years. Actually,

[45:34]

he dropped off the school, of the grade school, grade. He didn't graduate from the grade school. But, he studied by himself literature, Japanese or Western literature, or Japanese philosophy, Chinese philosophy, Western philosophy, and also language, French or German or Latin. One day, we enjoyed the

[46:37]

talking among friends. At that time, he asked me, What is the year? What is the year of your animal signs? Do you know that animal signs? According to Japanese customs, you know. He asked me, What is the year of your animal signs? I said to Dr. Oh, I am the, my birth, my birth falls on the year of the dragon. And at the same time, I was,

[47:45]

no, no, I am trying to emphasize, I emphasize how great the year of dragon it was with uh, too much proud with making, making too much of my ability. At that time, it was just when I finished writing the thesis in order to graduate from the college. Then after finish, writing the thesis of Buddhist psychology, I believed to myself, I understood completely

[48:48]

whole principle of Buddhism. So, I made too much of my ability. So, I said to him, You know the, the, what's kind of uh, the, what's kind of uh, the dragon they are? He said, he said, I don't know, I don't know how many kinds of dragons they are. So, I said, Well, the dragon is divided into two. One is a rising dragon.

[49:48]

The other one is falling dragon. Do you know that? Falling dragon or rising dragon. Then he asked me, He asked me, What do you belong to? What's kind of, what's kind of dragon do you belong to? I said, with some uh, some uh, 40. Oh yes, I belongs to rising dragon. Rising, the word of rising, rising dragon, rising, the word rising is called in Japanese, Noboru. So, rising dragon is called in Japanese,

[50:53]

Noboru-ryu. Noboru. Literal meaning to climb, to rise. But negatively speaking, the word rising dragon is set, is set against, you know, against, you know, not rising, not rise, no rising dragon, which is called in Japanese, Kudaranai. Kudaranai. Means not to fall, not to fall. Kudaranai is not to fall. Not to fall,

[51:53]

the word opposing to the rising, to rise. The word Kudaranai has two meanings. One is not to fall. The other one is trifling, trifling, or good for nothing, or absurd, absurd. So, when I put the emphasis, strong emphasis on what kind of dragon I belong,

[52:56]

my birth belong to, my birth belongs to the rising dragon, he said, and also, you belong to the Kudaranai Ryu, Kudaranai dragon, means what is same meaning of rising dragon. Oh, you are Kudaranai dragon. Means, oh, how, how the good for nothing fellow you are. This was really pithy remarks, which was, you know, the sarcastic

[54:00]

and effective to the point what you want to tell me. So, I didn't, I didn't say anything at all after that. In the probability, in the domain of probability, there are possibility, which is opening, opening in front of you, in the form of rising dragon or falling dragon. It is possible, it may be possible to make a choice. So, I make a choice, I am rising dragon, at the level of

[55:01]

ordinary dualistic thinking, you know. But actually, actually it is impossible, it is impossible to cling to the one-sided idea, you know, as to the reality of the present. When I strictly look over my life, saying, who am I? Are you sure you are, you belong to a rising dragon? Your life is always rising up? I don't think so. Even though it is possible, the possibility is open in front of me to make a choice either,

[56:04]

rising dragon or falling dragon. On the other hand, the reality of my life is not to be understood at the level of, understood at the level of my ordinary dualistic thinking. Because the reality of my life is based on the feeling of unsatisfactory, dissatisfactory uneasiness. Threateningly opening is more in the form of unfathomable pit, which is called nothingness.

[57:06]

There is completely nothingness to catch at the level of my ordinary dualistic thinking. It is impossible. And probably it is possible, it may be possible to make a choice because the possibility is open in front of you anytime, anyplace to make a choice either at the level of dualistic thinking. That's why my friend told me, oh, you are a kudaranai dragon, showing expressive admiration toward me. But actually I am not a kudaranai, do you?

[58:10]

Well, I am not a rising dragon too. I myself consist in completely amount of discussion which I should make a choice of either possibilities of dragon, rising dragon or falling dragon. If so, I myself exist regardless of the idea whether my birth belongs to a rising dragon or a falling dragon. Or regardless of the idea whether or not I am poor

[59:13]

or I am rich or I am so resourceful or not. From this point, I myself in its easiness, pure and simple, has nothing to do with the conception of the rising dragon or falling dragon. All I have to do is to stand upright in the domain of my life at the reality of my present. From this point, I myself doesn't care whatever kind of dragon my birth belongs to.

[60:18]

What should I do? I don't care any ideas, or what kind of animal signs my birth belongs to. What should I do? In terms of the idea of Japanese animal signs or in terms of western western astrology I don't care, you know.

[61:34]

Because I myself completely here, you know.

[61:43]

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